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ANNOUNCING: And Then Some Publishing, LLC, has just published Public Speaking Rules! - All You Need for a GREAT speech! This book contains the nuts-and-bolts rules necessary for giving a great speech. The rules are easy to read and easy to use. You can view the table of contents, introduction, and chapter excerpts at publicspeakingrules.com The book is available at Amazon.com.
Thursday’s essay celebrates the publication of the public speaking book and is about a method of overcoming the fear of public speaking. On the publicspeakingrules.com website, there is another essay on the fear of public speaking: “Six time-tested ways dealing with fear of public speaking.” These two essays actually work together — this one offers a covering philosophy or way of thinking about fear while the other offers some specific suggestions.
Share your And Then Some Story about the fear of public speaking. Are you a person who has been affected by speech anxiety? Have you been able to overcome it, or at least deal with it? We would love to hear your story? Do you have a friend, a family member, a neighbor, or someone you just know from a distance who has experienced the fear of public speaking? Can you tell his or her story? Feel free to use a pseudonym for the person’s real name. The fear of public speaking is real, and it can have a significant impact when sharing knowledge and ideas with others. If you try the philosophical perspective written about in this essay, let us know how it worked for you.
And Then Some Essay - June 26, 2008
Fear of Public Speaking: A Method for Overcoming It
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
There is no doubt about the important role that fear plays when it comes to public speaking. Public-speaking anxiety is a disturbance of mind regarding a forthcoming public-speaking event for which you are the speaker. As a fear, it ranks higher than the fear of death. It is nearly universal, yet it obviously doesn’t prevent successful speeches. Not only is it widely proclaimed, but it is widely written about as well. In this essay I want to offer a philosophical perspective that I have written about in my textbook, Communicating Effectively (McGraw-Hill), but which has the potential for overcoming the fear of public speaking if practiced regularly.
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by Richard L. Weaver II
Throughout my professional career I have confronted the “curse of knowledge”—although it has not always been called that. I was even told that because I was a professor who writes textbooks, that it was unlikely (virtually impossible) I could ever publish a trade book—a book specifically designed for the popular market. My language was too sophisticated, my approach too technical, and my sentences too complicated, cultured, and refined.
Before I go on, I want to give credit where credit is due. The term “curse of knowledge” was popularized in a book entitled, Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die (Random House, 2007), a book by Chip and Dan Heath along with a speech called “Sticky Ideas” in the August, 2007, issue of Vital Speeches of the Day.
One problem that most educators face—any adult whose interest is communicating with others—is something Heath and Heath call “the curse of knowledge,” and unless we are aware of it, it is unlikely we will compensate for it.
The curse of knowledge can best be demonstrated by a simple game—a game studied and explained by Elizabeth Newton, who, in 1990, earned a Ph.D. in psychology at Stanford based on her study. She assigned people to one of two roles: “tappers” or “listeners.” Tappers received a list of 25 well-known songs like “Happy Birthday” and “The Star Spangled Banner.” Each tapper was asked to pick a song from the list and tap out the rhythm to a listener by knocking on a table. The listener’s job was to guess the song based on the rhythm being tapped.
Over the course of Newton’s experiment, 120 songs were tapped out, but listeners guessed only 2.5 percent, or 3 out of 120. You may wonder what made this result worthy of a dissertation in psychology? Before listeners guessed the name of the song, Newton asked tappers to predict the odds that listeners would guess correctly. This is what is astonishing: tappers predicted that the odds were 50 percent. They got their message across 1 time in 40, but tappers thought they were getting it across 1 time in 2.
The problem is that tappers have been given knowledge—the song title—and it makes it impossible for them to imagine what it’s like to lack that knowledge. When they’re tapping, they can’t imagine what it’s like for listeners to hear isolated taps rather than a song. This is the curse of knowledge—once we know something, we find it hard to imagine what it was like not to know it. Our knowledge has “cursed” us, and it becomes difficult for us to share our knowledge with others because we can’t readily re-create our listeners’ state of mind.
Heath and Heath remind us that this tapper/listener experiment is reenacted every day with CEOs and frontline employees, teachers and students, politicians and voters, marketers and customers, ministers, rabbis, and priests, writers and readers.
There are three areas where communicators in any field can help diminish the effects of the “curse of knowledge”: language, organization, and supporting material.
In choosing their words, communicators must use simple language, include definitions whenever possible, eliminate jargon, say things in the clearest possible way, try to increase the vividness of ideas (so they have impact), and then use repetition, internal summaries, and continually relate new ideas back to their thesis. If they are presenting new information, concepts, or theories, if they pretend they are explaining it to their grandmothers, perhaps that will help them maintain the proper perspective and frame of mind.
Order and form (organization) are important for several reasons. First, listeners’ (and readers’) attention spans are short, and it is difficult for them to keep one or two ideas in mind at the same time. They are easily distracted, and when they return to the talk (or the words), they have trouble remembering where they were, where they are, and where they are going. Often, nothing makes sense and they lose interest entirely. A simply constructed outline that contains coordinate ideas under well-defined main heads, and subordinate points that have been well-thought-out, will help listeners and readers continually understand their location within a speech or a written piece.
Assisting communicators in helping listeners understand their organizational schemes are transitions—the links established between ideas. Transitions between main heads, transitions between coordinate points, and transitions whenever a speaker or writer moves from the introduction to the body of the speech or from the body of the speech to the conclusion will help. As a teacher, I have always asked speakers to write their transitions into their outlines because I have found that a transition not prepared in advance is a transition not used. Often, transitions can include the repetition, internal summaries, and relationship of information back to the thesis or central idea as I discussed in the section on language, above.
The third area where communicators can reduce the effect of the “curse of knowledge” is in their use of supporting material. Relevant examples, illustrations, anecdotes, personal experiences, and stories, as well as facts, opinions, and statistics, all assist in information enhancement, support, and expansion. In researching ideas and talking with others, always be on the lookout for relevant, immediate, and powerful supporting material.
Another way to judge effectiveness (success) in dealing with the “curse of knowledge” is to use feedback. Maintain contact with your listeners or readers, be flexible, and make adjustments when necessary to facilitate understanding. Student evaluations and textbook reviewers always helped me. In class, I developed a half-sheet response which I used to take attendance, administer quizzes, seek questions and comments, and gain daily reflections, evaluations, observations, and opinions that would guide and direct my classroom approaches.
To be effective, teachers must use every technique and strategy they know to connect and identify with their students. This isn’t something they can do once and consider their job complete, it is an ongoing, everyday, challenging task that requires constant effort, alertness, surveillance, and adjustment. After all, to be effective, that is precisely what effective teaching (or writing) requires.
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Not only does Matt explain “the curse of knowledge” but the responses to his essay are fun to read as well. Check it out at http://www.37signals.com/svn/posts/213-the-curse-of-knowledge
The Business Pundit, in an essay entitled, “The Curse of Knowledge - Why Communication at Work is sometimes difficult,” relates “the curse of knowledge” to business. The comments on this short essay are enjoyable as well at: http://www.businesspundit.com/the-curse-of-knowledge-why-communication-at-work-is-sometimes-difficult/
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Contact Richard L. Weaver II
ANNOUNCING: And Then Some Publishing, LLC, has just published Public Speaking Rules! - All You Need for a GREAT speech! This book contains the nuts-and-bolts rules necessary for giving a great speech. The rules are easy to read and easy to use. You can view the table of contents, introduction, and chapter excerpts at publicspeakingrules.com The book is available at Amazon.com.
Thursday’s essay is about “the curse of knowledge.” It is defined this way: once we know something, we find it hard to imagine what it was like not to know it. Our knowledge has “cursed” us, and it becomes difficult for us to share our knowledge with others because we can’t readily re-create our listeners’ state of mind. This curse has important implications for public speaking and writing. Anyone in an important position who has knowledge to share with others is likely to suffer from “the curse.”
Share your And Then Some Story about “the curse of knowledge.” Are you a person who has been in a position that required sharing knowledge or information with others? Were you able to fully and completely identify with the listeners or readers with whom you shared? We would love to hear your story? Do you have a friend, a family member, a neighbor, or someone you just know from a distance who has experienced “the curse of knowledge”? Can you tell his or her story? Feel free to use a pseudonym for the person’s real name. “The curse of knowledge” is real, and it can have a significant impact when sharing knowledge and ideas with others.
And Then Some Essay - June 19, 2008
How to overcome the curse of knowledge in teaching and writingby Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
The curse of knowledge can best be demonstrated by a simple game—a game studied and explained by Elizabeth Newton, who, in 1990, earned a Ph.D. in psychology at Stanford based on her study. She assigned people to one of two roles: “tappers” or “listeners.” Tappers received a list of 25 well-known songs like “Happy Birthday” and “The Star Spangled Banner.” Each tapper was asked to pick a song from the list and tap out the rhythm to a listener by knocking on a table. The listener’s job was to guess the song based on the rhythm being tapped.
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Share your 'And Then Some Story'
And Then Some Publishing, LLC wants to hear your story. Whether you share your story through our website, link to your blog, or have a website to share your story we want to hear it.
The only way this feature can work is if you submit your story or link to us. Be the first And Then Some Fan Story to be featured or linked on our blog!
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by Richard L. Weaver IIMy own father never was on my side, and if he could see me now (he died in 1964 at the age of 53; had he lived, he would be 96), he might react differently than the impressions I gained from him during my youth: “You’re never going to amount to anything!” It could be, too, that he would demonstrate in my adult years, the same resentment and jealousy I felt from him regarding any of my successes or personal growth. There are some traits and abilities I am certain I picked up from him; however, most of what I remember I either received directly or absorbed from my mother. My father’s influence on me? It was more likely a reaction against what I experienced rather than an emulation of it.
One factor that provides a useful and accurate metaphor for my own fathering was the time I was willing to spend with my children. Whether it was playing with blocks, Lincoln Logs, or a toy train, or helping them write school essays, going to student-teacher conferences, or attending athletic events to watch the cheerleaders or marching band, my wife and I were there for them. For one of our daughters, we either chaperoned or attended her cheerleading events, no matter where it took us; for one of our sons in the school’s pep band, we attended athletic events to hear him play.
In his book, The Father Factor (Prometheus Books, 2006), Stephan B. Poulter http://coaches.aol.com/business-and-career/feature/_a/excerpt-the-father-factor/20070220113809990001, states that “Professional experience tells me that approximately 10 percent of all fathers make up this group of men (pp. 157-58).” He labels “my” kind of fathering “the compassionate-mentor father.” I have borrowed from Poulter for this essay, and I have avoided using quotation marks, for the most part, because of the distraction they cause.
Of the important elements Poulter lists for compassionate-mentor fathers, there are a number I revealed throughout my children’s development. In the writing of this essay, I have avoided mentioning the role my wife has played because this is a Father’s Day essay. This avoidance should not suggest I considered my role exclusionary. My wife’s role in everything I do is not just significant but praiseworthy.
One of Poulter’s elements I demonstrated was a tolerance and acceptance of differences including religious, ethical, relational, and career disparities. In addition, there was an understanding of other people’s feelings, thoughts, and concerns without defensiveness or judgment. This was substantiated often through our regular family-dinner conversations. These family-dinner conversations were valuable because they provided our children easily observed trust in their personal beliefs and convictions and an allowance and understanding of their dreams and goals — which, because of the established norm and supportive atmosphere, they were happy to openly share.
In addition to the elements of tolerance, acceptance, and understanding, there was both a demonstration and support of leadership qualities simply because of the experiences I shared regarding my work and the encouragement always shown to the children when they were given, elected to take, or sought leadership positions themselves. Leadership is also reinforced by helping children understand and use the traits leaders are expected to demonstrate: listening, open-mindedness, cooperation, helpfulness, responsiveness, organization and goal orientation, respectful consideration of others, and the clear expression of ideas.
One of the most striking qualities in the upbringing of our children was the absence of negative “baggage” such as anger, neglect, resentment, and need for approval. It was, I’m sure, the absence of these emotionally draining and energy-consuming issues that allowed for the development of positive, life-affirming qualities which include self-esteem, empathy, courage, emotional security, stability, strong relationships, and a vision for their lives. Children who carry with them their father’s disappointments, frustrations, depression, and resentments often have these same experiences in their own personal lives and careers.
There is a certain pride you take when you see your sons and daughters feel good about themselves and, especially, when that strength of character is passed on to the people surrounding them in their lives. Poulter claims that children of a compassionate-mentor father “have the insight and compassion to understand others, relate to contrary opinions, and communicate their beliefs in a positive manner (p. 159).”
So, what do fathers contribute to the upbringing of their children? They help their daughters and sons develop feelings of love, self-worth, a sense of competence, and a capacity and willingness to take risks. Father support may make the difference between a child’s becoming a high school dropout, a chronic drug abuser, an unreliable employee, miserable at work, or a successful and accomplished adult. When fathers emotionally bond with their children, they establish an ongoing open line of communication which is the basis for children developing a positive sense of their world and place in it.
Looking back at my fathering, it was not without failure. There were moments of emotional outbursts and negative feelings, but from an early age my children always knew their father cared about them, even though I completely misunderstood certain situations. Their father’s guidance and love was there for them — and it was clear at all points — to guide them through periods of great difficulty and personal change. The recurrent, unspoken support is what has allowed my children to take adventurous steps, make important choices, and tackle the challenges they have faced.
I did not do what I did as a father because it was the right thing to do, because I was trained or taught to do it, nor because I knew the effect it would have on my children. I did it for two reasons: because I wanted to do it for my kids and family, and, second, because it was enjoyable. Perhaps, I would have enjoyed it more or had a greater commitment, had I known the empowering effect it would have on them to pursue their dreams, strengths, and hopes. Or, had I known that my role in their lives was irreplaceable and critical to their future development because of my emotional attachment as a parent. Only in retrospect (and after reading Poulter’s book), did I know the importance of my role in providing my children a sense of safety, support, and a feeling that things will always work out.
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“Poulter defines the mother factor as our emotional development, functioning, and ability to form meaningful relationships in family life, in social life, and with intimate partners.” This quote comes from Poulter in his essay, “How your mother's emotional legacy impacts your life. If you are interested in the mother factor, to offset what is said above about the father factor, this is a good place to begin: http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2008-04/pb-hym042308.php
At the website, Fatherhood Institute, the title of the essay there says it all, “Fatherhood Institute Research Summary: Fathers' Influence Over Children's Education — Father’s Impact on their Children’s Education and Achievement: Messages from Research.” http://www.fatherhoodinstitute.org/index.php?id=12&cID=583 This is an essay full of research results with over 25 references — an excellent resource.
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Contact Richard L. Weaver II
ANNOUNCING: And Then Some Publishing, LLC, has just published Public Speaking Rules! - All You Need for a GREAT speech! This book contains the nuts-and-bolts rules necessary for giving a great speech. The rules are easy to read and easy to use. You can view the table of contents, introduction, and chapter excerpts at publicspeakingrules.com The book is available at Amazon.com.
Sunday, June 15th is Father's Day. Share your And Then Some Story about fathers. Are you a person who has either had or not had a great father? We would love to hear your story? Do you have a friend, a family member, a neighbor, or someone you just know from a distance who has a great experience (or negative one) with a father? Can you tell his or her story? Feel free to use a pseudonym for the person’s real name. What are the characteristics of great fathers? How did your father inspire you? What do you do when fathers fail? Let us know what you think.
And Then Some Essay - June 10, 2008
Most fathers have no idea the influence they have on their childrenby Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
One factor that provides a useful and accurate metaphor for my own fathering was the time I was willing to spend with my children. Whether it was playing with blocks, Lincoln Logs, or a toy train, or helping them write school essays, going to student-teacher conferences, or attending athletic events to watch the cheerleaders or marching band, my wife and I were there for them. For one of our daughters, we either chaperoned or attended her cheerleading events, no matter where it took us; for one of our sons in the school’s pep band, we attended athletic events to hear him play.
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Share your 'And Then Some Story'
And Then Some Publishing, LLC wants to hear your story. Whether you share your story through our website, link to your blog, or have a website to share your story we want to hear it.
The only way this feature can work is if you submit your story or link to us. Be the first And Then Some Fan Story to be featured or linked on our blog!
Click here to submit and share your And Then Some story!
And Then Some Works - see you THURSDAY!!
by Richard L. Weaver II
Let’s just say that as things have worked out in your life, that what you would like to have more than anything else comes down to giving what must be considered the speech of your life. How you come across, how you present yourself, and how you affect a group of people, is going to determine whether or not you get what you want.
The speech of your life comes from you, and your success depends on your message, you the messenger, and your magic. You can think about your message being the meat, you the messenger being the potatoes, and the magic being the spice. Let’s look at each factor.
The meat of your message depends first on study. Study is what makes greatness. Whether it is based on your own background, the experiences you’ve had, or research and investigation, great speeches reveal a depth of knowledge and understanding.
When your message comes from deep within you, it reveals your soul. Soul is that animating essence that we associate with your life. A great message is not just words; it is emotion, body language, and passion or spirit. People listen to your soul.
Finally, in a great message speakers share their scars. They reach into their storehouse for the blemishes, faults, and sores that make them human. Sharing their scars makes them human.
The important aspect of you as the messenger is that you be yourself. Know who you are. To know who you are, be a self-monitor. Examine why you do the things you do, why you say what you say, and why you think what you think. Look at your behavior.
Be introspective. Examine your thoughts and feelings. This involves self-searching, self-reflection, and self-contemplation. Know yourself, and show yourself. Tear away the veil, and reveal the true you—who you really are.
As a messenger, you must be sincere. This means being open, candid, frank, honest, and truthful. When the covers of your book are opened, are your contents thin, superficial, and shallow? Then enrich yourself by reading, listening, observing, and experiencing.
Finally, as the messenger, be direct with your audience. Let your audience understand what you know. Develop and polish rich, personal, soul-wrenching stories that will grab, hold, and bind your audience’s attention to your message.
As the messenger, you must project confidence (positive self-assurance), credibility (an authentic, believable, convincing, and trustworthy nature), comfort (that you are pleased and satisfied with your ideas), success (accomplishment, achievement, attainment, and victory), and polish (that you have spent some time perfecting, refining, and improving your ideas).
In public speaking, nobody asks for perfection; they can, however, expect polish!
Your magic represents the spice. It can be revealed in your writing, in your delivery, and in your embellishment. “Magic” does not come from supernatural powers or slight of hand. It comes from careful, thoughtful, planning and preparation.
Write out some of your ideas. Use antithesis (opposites), or the setting of one clause or other member of a sentence against another to which it is opposed. “It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.” “What counts is not the number of hours you put in, but how much you put in the hours.”
Effective writing, too, utilizes parallel structure. Sometimes referred to as continuums, serializing, or stacking, it occurs when ideas of equal worth are given the same syntactical form. From the famous poem constructed in parallel form, “Children Learn What They Live,” by Dorothy Law Nolte, just two lines as examples: “If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight....” At the end of Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream,” speech: “So, let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York....”
Effective writing utilizes triplets, or, a list of three things. A list of three is always better than either two or four. Three is always more than four! “People are born, people live, people die!” “If you want to enrich today, plant flowers. If you want to enrich years, plant trees. If you want to enrich eternity, plant ideas.”
Your delivery, too, contributes to the magic. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Delivery is a tool for expressing clear, interesting ideas without distracting the audience. Effective delivery is conveyed by your voice, language, and body.
Your voice is the sales tool that can sell your feelings and emotions. It is the most powerful, persuasive, professional tool you own. Vary your pitch (the highness or lowness of your voice), select the best rate (it depends on your personality, the mood you’re trying to create, the nature of your audience and the occasion), and avoid vocalized pauses (uhms, and ahhhs). Pauses are for time to breathe, for messages to sink in, to give listeners time to breathe, and for emphasis.
Language is important, and effective word choice can be magic. Study all your life to be a wordsmith—one who knows, works with, and shapes words. Pronounce words correctly, because incorrect pronunciation strips away credibility. Use proper grammar; it is a key indicator of who you are and what your background is.
Your body is an important part of your delivery. Pay attention to your posture, personal appearance, facial expressions, eye contact, and hands (forget your hands, but don’t forget to use them). And, never give your ideas to an audience; give your speech to individuals in your audience. Connect with one individual at a time. Weak eye contact looks insincere, insecure, and uncomfortable.
Finally, embellish your speech by telling key stories, using power phrases (“Attitude, not aptitude, determines altitude”), and using humor and quotations. Don’t use humor to get a laugh; use it to revitalize your audience. The best humor occurs naturally.
The speech of your life comes from you. Now, when you are faced with giving the speech of your life, you know you have control over the message, the messenger, and the magic. The real greatness within you awaits your recognition.
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On June 14, 2005, Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, gave the commencement address at Stanford University. Although not labeled as “the speech of his life,” clearly this was an outstanding address, and it includes a number of the elements discussed in this essay. Find the address at: http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html
Guy Kawasaki wrote a terrific essay, “How to Get a Standing Ovation,” on January 18, 2006, http://blog.guykawasaki.com/2006/01/how_to_get_a_st.html at his website, “How to Change the World.” His practical advice includes “Have something interesting to say,” and “Tell stories,” and all of it is useful and to the point. The comments about the essay that follow it are both worthwhile and entertaining.
Debra Hamilton, president of Creative Communications and Training, Inc., writes a basic essay entitled, “Giving a great speech: 7 secrets to dynamic, memorable public speaking,” which begins with advice such as “use an icebreaker,” and “focus your material.” Her essay is available at the ezinearticles.com website. Solid advice is given, and it is fundamental to giving great speeches. See article: Click here ______________________________________________________________________________
Contact Richard L. Weaver II
ANNOUNCING: And Then Some Publishing, LLC, has just published Public Speaking Rules! - All You Need for a GREAT speech! This book contains the nuts-and-bolts rules necessary for giving a great speech. The rules are easy to read and easy to use. You can view the table of contents, introduction, and chapter excerpts at publicspeakingrules.com The book is available at Amazon.com.
To celebrate the publication of Public Speaking Rules! this Thursday’s essay is “How do you give ‘the speech of your life?'" Once you know the fundamentals—all discussed in the new book—you need to have the motivation and enthusiasm that inspires you to greatness. This essay offers a great place to begin.
Share your And Then Some Story about giving great speeches. Are you a person who has either heard or given a great speech? We would love to hear your story? Do you have a friend, a family member, a neighbor, or someone you just know from a distance who has given a great speech? Can you tell his or her story? Feel free to use a pseudonym for the person’s real name. From where do great speeches come? How are they inspired? What do you feel are the essential qualities that make up great speeches? Let us know what you think.
And Then Some Essay - June 5, 2008
How do you give "the speech of your life"?by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
The speech of your life comes from you, and your success depends on your message, you the messenger, and your magic. You can think about your message being the meat, you the messenger being the potatoes, and the magic being the spice. Let’s look at each factor.
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Share your 'And Then Some Story'
And Then Some Publishing, LLC wants to hear your story. Whether you share your story through our website, link to your blog, or have a website to share your story we want to hear it.
The only way this feature can work is if you submit your story or link to us. Be the first And Then Some Fan Story to be featured or linked on our blog!
Click here to submit and share your And Then Some story!
And Then Some Works - see you THURSDAY!!
by Richard L. Weaver IIMyths guide your actions. As important as it is for you to exercise, follow effective nutrition guidelines, and get sufficient sleep, in many cases your attempts to do what will keep you healthy are affected by and, thus, in some cases, contravened by myths. Some of these myths are wired into you, and no matter what scientific evidence is offered, they remain anchored, fixed, and secure.
You may wonder why myths often have such a stranglehold over you and your actions? First, they are what give support to your moral values. Whether it be a belief in faith, authority, human empathy, genuine feelings for others, or rational principles, myths buttress your system of moral values. Second, they give you your personal identity. Identity is an ongoing negotiation within you, between how you choose to narrate particular scenes and the culture within which you live. “I am part of a tightknit family,” “I am part of a larger community,” or “I am part of God’s kingdom,” all can be true; however, each plays a role in the formation of your personal identity. Showing loyalty to your family, town, church, or nation is the result of believing in the “sense of community” myth — and loyalties to friends or community are the result of strong myths that reinforce social bonding.
The third reason myths have such a restrictive hold over you is that they are a way to deal with the mystery of and fears relating to creation and death. For many people it is this related set of myths that provide solace. “It is in the nature of humans to wonder about the unknown and search for answers,” writes Lindsey Murtagh http://www.cs.williams.edu/%7Elindsey/myths/myths.html, in “Common Elements in Creation Myths.” She writes, “At the foundation of nearly every culture is a creation myth that explains how the wonders of the earth came to be. These myths have an immense influence on people's frame of reference. They influence the way people think about the world and their place in relation to their surroundings.”
But, what about the myths that guide your everyday life in the areas of exercise, nutrition, and sleep? How powerful are they? Without them, you are lost. Why? Because they create meaning out of your life and actions. Because they make you believe that you matter, that your daily life has meaning, and that your activities fulfill the myths that guide your actions.
Some of the myths about exercise are precisely those that prevent some from engaging in any kind of exercise program at all. “It’s all in the genes,” suggests, for example, that we don’t even have any control over it. We’re either fit or we’re unfit; it has to do with the cards we’re dealt when we’re born. “No pain, no gain,” is a myth, but certainly some see exercise as a painful way to keep fit. Or, “Once you stop strength training, your muscles will turn to fat.” Then, what’s the point? Leave my fat muscles as they are and avoid the exercise-intervention strategy! Of course, muscles turning to fat or vice versa is a physiological impossibility.
For most reasonable people, the operative philosophy regarding exercise is: “It works.” Why it’s important is discussed on the website longevity meme.org http://www.longevitymeme.org/news/view_news_item.cfm?news_id=3633 At this website, it states that exercise helps avoid damage caused by a sedentary lifestyle, hastens recovery from injuries, and prevents falls. Also, aerobic fitness may prevent a diminished functional capacity, including obesity, diabetes, hypertension, myocardial infarction, stroke, some forms of cancer, and osteoporosis.
Just as there are myths that guide exercising, there are myths, too, that guide the value we give nutrition and diet. The first is that there is a perfect diet that will work for everyone. Just as an example, some people do very well on vegetarian diets while others crash and burn. “One size only fits the people who come in that size,” according to the www.health.com, http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com website. Other myths mentioned at www.health.com, http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com include, “Cutting carbohydrates helps you lose weight,” “Diet foods help you drop pounds,” “The more you cut calories, the more weight you’ll lose,” “Dairy makes you fat,” or “Brown equals whole-grain.”
At the www.healthcastle.com website, two of the nutrition myths discussed there include sugar and fat. The first myth is that sugar causes diabetes; sugar intake will not cause you to develop the disease. Type 2 diabetes results primarily from three risk factors: 1) a diet high in calories, 2) being overweight, and 3) an inactive lifestyle.
The myth regarding fat is that all fats are bad. Fact is, fats assist nutrient absorption, support nerve transmission, and help maintain cell membrane integrity. Of course, if consumed in excessive amounts they contribute to weight gain, heart disease, and certain types of cancers. But, not all fats are created equal according to www.healthcastle.com. What you have to do is replace bad fats with good fats.
The Medical News Today http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/66363.php website debunks ten common myths regarding nutrition that include eating immediately after a workout to improve recovery, the trouble eating fiber can cause if you have irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), the necessity for consuming extra protein to build muscle mass, that vitamin supplements are necessary for everyone, that all alcohol is bad for you, that eating eggs will raise your cholesterol, that brown grain products are whole grain products, the need to drink eight 8-oz. glasses of water per day, and that eating carbohydrates will make you fat. These are all myths.
In addition to myths governing the way we exercise and eat, there are myths that affect our sleep as well. At the Sleep Disorders http://sleepdisorders.about.com/od/gettingtosleep/a/sleepmyths.htm website two of the twelve myths discussed there are, first, that you can “cheat” on the amount of sleep you get. It can be dangerous to both physical and mental health to do so. Second, it is a myth as well, that you can “catch up” on sleep missed. Once you miss hours of sleep, they are gone forever.
The point of this essay is not necessarily the myths themselves but how myths govern our actions. Because of their importance in our lives, it is wise to be aware of them, check them out, and be flexible in altering those that no longer --- or never did! --- serve a useful purpose.
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At the SharpBrains, “The Brain Fitness Authority,” website http://www.sharpbrains.com/free-eguide/http://www.sharpbrains.com/free-eguide/ there is a condensed version of a 40-page whitepaper "11 Sharp Brains Debunk 10 Myths on the Science Behind The Nascent Brain Fitness Industry." The whitepaper features 11 in-depth interviews with leading neuroscientists, psychologists and experts in the field of cognition, conducted by Alvaro Fernandez. The 10 myths are listed, and there are brief quotes from the interviews.
“Exploding Exercise Myths” at the infoplease.com website http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0872851.html “Getting Americans off the couch and onto their feet could save an estimated 200,000 lives a year, says the surgeon general. Yet most of us are either sedentary or only minimally active. Confusion may keep many couch potatoes from getting into shape,” are the first sentences at this website. Ten myths are exploded. ______________________________________________________________________________
Contact Richard L. Weaver II
This Thursday’s essay is “Be Aware of the Myths that Guide Your Life.” Myths guide your actions. As important as it is for you to exercise, follow effective nutrition guidelines, and get sufficient sleep, in many cases your attempts to do what will keep you healthy are affected by and, thus, in some cases, contravened by myths. Some of these myths are wired into you, and no matter what scientific evidence is offered, they remain anchored, fixed, and secure.
Share your And Then Some Story about myths. Are you a person who has numerous myths that guide your life? We would love to hear your story? Do you have a friend, a family member, a neighbor, or someone you just know from a distance who has structured a life based on myths? Feel free to use a pseudonym for the person’s real name. What are some of the most-often used myths that you hear? Where do you think the whole experienced of a “myth-based existence” begins? How does it get rooted in our psyche to the extent that myths control and govern our behavior? Let us know what you think.
And Then Some Essay - May 29, 2008
Be Aware of the Myths that Guide Your Lifeby Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
(After discussing why myths have such a stranglehold on you, I then ask the question:) But, what about the myths that guide your everyday life in the areas of exercise, nutrition, and sleep? How powerful are they? Without them, you are lost. Why? Because they create meaning out of your life and actions. Because they make you believe that you matter, that your daily life has meaning, and that your activities fulfill the myths that guide your actions.
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by Richard L. Weaver IIDon Wilder, cinematographer, says excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure. I’ve not been one to make a whole lot of excuses, but having taught college for close to 30 years one automatically hears a wide range. It seems to go with the territory. “I didn’t do well on the exam because the professor asked questions on sections we hadn’t studied,” or “She didn’t explain the material well enough,” are some typical responses when the real reason is, “I wasn’t prepared,” or “I didn’t go to class.”
Education isn’t alone in making people experts when it comes to using excuses. What it does is embed the process deeply in students’ psyches. The problem isn’t that difficult to discover; nobody wants to take responsibility for their problems or failures. Excuses are simply ploys to divert attention from themselves. Marcus Stroup clarified the problem in his quotation, “There aren’t nearly enough crutches in the world for all the lame excuses.”
People will say, “I can’t eat healthier, because I’m too busy, and I have to depend on fast foods,” or “I can’t lose weight because I can’t stand being hungry all the time,” or “I can’t exercise because I just don’t have the time.” The key to understanding all excuses is this: we make room in our lives for what we consider important. An old Yiddish proverb states, “If you don’t want to do something, one excuse is as good as another.”
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to discover the problem in our society. Things have been made too easy. Food is as close as the nearest drive-thru, information arrives with a mere keystroke, music of our choice is on the iPod, a family or friend contact is on the cell phone, delicious snacks and beverages are available to suit every taste, and a wide array of amusing, entertaining, and captivating play-diversions are available to occupy any extra moment in our busy, fully-occupied, consumer-oriented lives. We are easily distracted, amused, and entertained.
When the standards are set low, there is no bar to raise; it lies below ground-level. There is no challenge, no difficulty, no strain, nor need to stretch. The flab of the fat reflects the sagging society. If things seem a bit lackluster and lifeless, check no further than many of those listless, uninspiring bodies simply occupying space.
Let’s first discuss the harm that lies in excuses. It was Benjamin Franklin who said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” According to Chuck Gallozzi, there are two major harms. First, they negate responsibility, “and it is responsibility,” Gallozzi adds, “that separates man from the rest of the animal kingdom.” Second, they prevent one from succeeding. Gallozzi says, “When we make excuses and repeat them often enough, they become a belief. The belief then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Let’s reverse it and rather than discuss the harms, look at the rewards. Is it really worth it to drop the excuses? The answer is clearly, “Yes.” First, it brings all the benefits of living a life of responsibility. For example, an attitude of responsibility builds self-respect, pride, and confidence. And with these traits, too, comes competence and power. Second, it puts you in charge. You have control over your life, and you don’t have to hide behind excuses. Hiding is a weakness. When you admit your failures, you can delight and glory in your strengths. It is at these times when you realize that your success or failure depends on you — only you.
Third, and as a direct byproduct of the first two rewards, dropping the excuses will make you a better person. It could have a direct effect on your intelligence, and your actions will become deliberate and thoughtful — the actions of a responsible human being.
Fortunately, your life doesn’t need to be built on excuses. Yes, it could be argued that you need them. Donald Lawrence noted in his essay, “Stop Making Excuses!” He writes, “We need them to make sense of the senseless, find sanity in the insane, and a resemblance of order in chaos.” One of his most insightful comments is, “Our excuses are the walls of stone that we construct. They are our silent shields, our perfect protection.” So, the solution, obviously, is not to eliminate all excuses from our lives. Perhaps we need a wall or two or a silent shield. But, there are things we can do to limit them.
The first step in changing from a life of excuses to one of taking responsibility is to begin to have confidence in yourself and your talents. This was the first of four steps listed at the eHow website in an essay there by the eHow health editor entitled, “How to Stop Making Excuses.” Excuses make us doubt our abilities and qualifications.
The second step discussed by the eHow health editor is to seize the opportunity. The point is simply that there is no “perfect” time for anything. Make a commitment to yourself to start right now. What are you waiting for? You don’t have time? That reflects no commitment whatever. If you are afraid of failure or afraid of getting out of your comfort zone, nobody can take this step for you: make the commitment, and make it now. Take charge of your life.
The third step is to focus on your successes and learn from your failures. Sure, you’ve failed before; we all have. Life is too short to dwell on failures. The eHow health editor suggests making a list of your accomplishments for times when you can use a pep talk.
The fourth step is to be honest with yourself. Are you serious about changing your behavior? What is it that is really holding you back? Are excuses hiding something much deeper?
Always along the road to change, you must stop to examine your progress. When you compare where you are now with where you would like to be, create specific plans to change. Also, along the way, too, there will be mistakes. Accept responsibility; learn from them; don’t repeat them. Sure, excuses could be the nails used to build a house of failure, but Henry Ward Beecher offers strong motivation in his comment, “Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you, never excuse yourself.”
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Bryan Clark has a delightful, motivational essay entitled, “Stop producing excuses and start producing results,” that has to do with how to become wealthy online. His essay can be found at the website OneMansGoal.com http://onemansgoal.com/285/stop-producing-excuses-start-producing-results/ His is a short, enjoyable read is all you need is just a shot-glass full of adrenaline.
Scott H. Young has a thoughtful, short, little essay, entitled “How to stop making excuses,” on his website http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2007/11/22/how-to-stop-making-excuses/ Scott claims the solution to stopping lies in two steps: organizing your priorities, and breaking large, uncomfortable steps into manageable pieces.
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Contact Richard L. Weaver II
This Thursday’s essay is “Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure.” Things have been made too easy for us. Food is as close as the nearest drive-thru, information arrives with a mere keystroke, music of our choice is on the iPod, a family or friend contact is on the cell phone, delicious snacks and beverages are available to suit every taste, and a wide array of amusing, entertaining, and captivating play-diversions are available to occupy any extra moment in our busy, fully-occupied, consumer-oriented lives. We are easily distracted, amused, and entertained — and excuses give us the permission, time, and reason to enjoy it all!
Share your And Then Some Story about excuses. Are you a person who has built a house of failure based on excuses? We would love to hear your story? Do you have a friend, a family member, a neighbor, or someone you just know from a distance who has done so? Feel free to use a pseudonym for the person’s real name. What are some of the most-often used excuses that you hear? Where do you think the whole experienced of an “excuse-based existence” begins? How does it get rooted in our psyche to the extent that it controls and governs our behavior? Let us know what you think.
And Then Some Essay - May 20, 2008
Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failureby Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
Education isn’t alone in making people experts when it comes to using excuses. What it does is embed the process deeply in peoples’ psyches. The problem isn’t that difficult to discover; nobody wants to take responsibility for their problems or failures. Excuses are simply ploys to divert attention from themselves. Marcus Stroup clarified the problem in his quotation, “There aren’t nearly enough crutches in the world for all the lame excuses.”
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The only way this feature can work is if you submit your story or link to us. Be the first And Then Some Fan Story to be featured or linked on our blog!
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by Richard L. Weaver IIAnd Then Some Works (ATSW) had the privilege of interviewing Skyler (not his real name), and what follows are the questions asked and Skyler’s answers — a world perspective as seen through the eyes of a highly intelligent, motivated, and enthusiastic fourth grader.
ATSW: How do you like school?
Skyler: I like it a lot; I really love school.
ATSW: Why do you like school so much?
Skyler: Because it’s very fun, and you learn new stuff every day.
ATSW: What is the best thing you like about school?
Skyler: I like “Reading Excells.” (The special class for exceptional readers.)
ATSW: What is so special about “Reading Excells”?
Skyler: We do a lot of experiments after we read a book. Like, after reading “Chasing Vermeer,” we did an experiment about how the eye sees things backwards. Also, after reading the book we all wrote riddles.
ATSW: If you could change anything at all about school to make it better for you, what would you change?
Skyler: I would have “Reading Excels” every single day. Right now we only have it once every two weeks. I would also have far more silent reading. I like reading at school because you have to be quiet. Everyone has to be quiet, and I love to read when it’s quiet. Also, I love math and science.
ATSW: Think about your life and all the things that you do: What do you like to do the most?
Skyler: I like to play outside with my next-door-neighbor — in addition to reading. Reading is my all-time-favorite thing to do.
ATSW: What is your favorite genre of book?
Skyler: Fiction.
ATSW: What kind of fiction do you like?
Skyler: Historical fiction. I also like adventure stories.
ATSW: Who is your favorite author?
Skyler: His name is Andrew Clements. He wrote “A Week in the Woods” and “Frindle.”
ATSW: Why do you like Andrew Clements?
Skyler: Because you can really get into the story and feel like you’re inside it. Also you can feel the same problems the main character is facing.
ATSW: If you could do anything at all to change your life to make it better for you, what would you change?
Skyler: I would be home schooled?
ATSW: Why would you want to be home schooled?
Skyler: Because I would be taught based on how I learn and not based on how everyone else learns.
ATSW: Why would that make any difference?
Skyler: I feel like I’m being held back because all the smarter kids are affected by the speed of learning of the other students. I would love to be able to learn at my own pace.
ATSW: What do you think is the most important thing that makes people get along with each other?
Skyler: Respect.
ATSW: Why do you think respect is so important?
Skyler: Because if you don’t respect one another you will be fighting all the time.
ATSW: Do you have a second thing that you consider important?
Skyler: Yes. Always telling the truth would be my second choice.
ATSW: In all the world today and with all you’ve experienced up to now, what is the thing about this world that surprises you the most?
Skyler: I used to think that all adults are perfect, and obviously they are not. There have been adults who have disappointed me.
ATSW: If you could be anything you could be, and there was nothing stopping you, what would you love to be?
Skyler: I would love to be a reading specialist in the public schools.
ATSW: Why does being a reading specialist interest you?
Skyler: Because I could work with children who are not as privileged as I am.
ATSW: What do you think is the major thing in our society that seems to hold people back or that keeps people from fulfilling their dreams?
Skyler: When I sit around and talk with my friends, we all are very excited about what we want to do. We never talk about things that might hold us back.
ATSW: Okay, what do you think holds kids back?
Skyler: Being scared is one thing.
ATSW: Being scared of what?
Skyler: Kids are probably scared of other kids being mean to them. Other kids who call them nerds. So they don’t work as hard as they would otherwise to avoid being called nerds.
ATSW: Any other things you can think of that might hold kids back?
Skyler: People have their dreams, but they decide it’s too much work. Seeing how much they have to do, they give up on school.
ATSW: What do you think is the scariest thing in the whole world?
Skyler: Living behind someone’s shadow.
ATSW: What do you mean living behind someone’s shadow?
Skyler: Like being in the shadow of a very smart person. When you feel you are not as smart as that person, it is a very scary thing.
ATSW: How do you mean that?
Skyler: Always, no matter what you are doing, there is always somebody better than you are. They could do anything to me, and I wouldn’t have anything to defend myself with.
ATSW: What is it that makes you the happiest?
Skyler: Being with my family.
ATSW: And why does it make you so happy?
Skyler: Because you know that everybody knows you and cares for you and loves you for who you are and not for who they want you to be.
ATSW: What is it that makes you sad?
Skyler: When families aren’t together, or when families are fighting.
ATSW: Do you keep up with any news that’s going on in the world today? What is a piece of news that you’ve heard?
Skyler: Recycling. The green-house effect.
ATSW: Where did you hear about these?
Skyler: I heard about them at school and on television.
ATSW: If you were king of the whole world and you could change one or two things that would make the world a better place for everyone, what would you change?
Skyler: I would stop having wars — with everyone peaceful
ATSW: And what would be a second thing you would change if you were king?
Skyler: I would have nobody litter or pollute the air.
ATSW: Would you ever want to be president of the United States?
Skyler: (He really had to think about this question. He wasn’t sure. He sat and he thought, and thought, and thought. Finally, he responded.) No.
ATSW: You wouldn’t want to be president?
Skyler: No, there is so much pressure being president, and there will always be people who don’t like you and don’t want you to be president.
ATSW: Would you ever want to go into politics?
Skyler: I would want to go into the House or Senate.
ATSW: Why would you want to go into the House or Senate?
Skyler: Then I could help make the country a better place.
ATSW: If you could go to any country in the world, what would it be?
Skyler: I would want to go to a very poor country and help out. A country, for example, in South or Central America that is very small and very poor where I could help them.
ATSW: If you could do one thing that would help a lot of people — where you could make a significant contribution to our society — what would it be?
Skyler: Child hunger.
ATSW: And how would you help with child hunger?
Skyler: I would earn money by working, and then I would buy food and donate it to child shelters — or places that don’t have much money.
ATSW: Are you thinking of going to college?
Skyler: Yes, definitely.
ATSW: And what would you like to study in college?
Skyler: I would like to study English. Also, I would want to become a teacher.
ATSW: Did you enjoy this interview?
Skyler: Yes, I did. (He answered very enthusiastically.)
ATSW: And why did you like this interview so much?
Skyler: Because the questions were not normal, everyday questions.
ATSW: Not normal, everyday questions?
Skyler: Yes. The questions made me think.
If you thought for one minute that fourth graders are too young to have hopes and dreams, are too young to have some idea of what is going on in this world, or are too young to want to give back to society, then this interview with Skyler should be an eye opener. As noted in the opening paragraph, this is a young man who is eager, enthusiastic, motivated, and interested in becoming a responsible, contributing, worthwhile member of society. These are precisely the students whom all of us should be encouraging through our patience, care, nurturing, and, above all else, support. It is students like Skyler who will make it make a difference that they have lived, and everyone will not only know, but appreciate, the difference they have made.
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“A day in the life of a fourth-grade pencil,” http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3666/is_200101/ai_n8938089 is a creative writing project that is an interesting and worthwhile school project by Marion Lee Caldwell at the website bnet. Here, the exercise is not only well described, but the results are fascinating as well.
One way to measure what Skyler says in his interview is to compare the comments with typical fourth-grader characteristics. You can do this at the ASCA (American School Counselor Association) Website http://www.wdeptford.k12.nj.us/webdesign/hess/Fourth/fourth.htm where a complete explanation of where they are and where they are going is described.
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Contact Richard L. Weaver II
This Thursday’s essay is special, “A fourth grade perspective on the world.” And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C. had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Skyler, an outstanding fourth grader, to find out not only what is on his mind, but what he likes in this world, what he would change if he could, what he would like to be when he grows up, and what he thinks is the scariest thing in the whole world.
Share your And Then Some Story about kids. Do you have an inspirational story about kids? Are you a teacher or a person who works with kids in other capacities? What are the qualities adults need to model for children? When you witness the actions of children obviously nourished by superb parents, what qualities do you see? Too often, I’m afraid, the marvelous stories of exceptional children go untold, and now is the time to change that!
And Then Some Essay - May 15, 2008
A fourth grade perspective on the worldby Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
ATSW: If you were king of the whole world and you could change one or two things that would make the world a better place for everyone, what would you change?
Skyler: I would stop having wars — with everyone peaceful
ATSW: And what would be a second thing you would change if you were king?
Skyler: I would have nobody litter or pollute the air.
ATSW: Would you ever want to be president of the United States?
Skyler: (He really had to think about this question. He wasn’t sure. He sat and he thought, and thought, and thought. Finally, he responded.) No.
ATSW: You wouldn’t want to be president?
Skyler: No, there is so much pressure being president, and there will always be people who don’t like you and don’t want you to be president.
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by Richard L. Weaver III still remember the advice my mother gave me: “Be careful or you’ll put your eye out,” “What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?” “You have enough dirt behind your ears to grow potatoes!” “Don’t make that face, or it’ll freeze in that position,” “Close that door! You weren’t brought up in a barn,” “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” and the best advice of all, “Always wear clean underwear; you never know when you’ll be in an accident.” My mother was a teacher, thus, giving advice was natural and automatic for her.
Mother’s Day in the United States was loosely inspired by the British holiday and imported by the social activist Julia Ward Howe after the American Civil War. Originally it was a call to unite women against war. Howe did not get formal recognition of a Mother’s Day for Peace. In the United States Howe was influenced by Ann Jarvis, a young Appalachian homemaker who, starting in 1858, attempted to improve sanitation through what she called Mothers’ Work Days. When Jarvis died in 1904, her daughter, named Anna Jarvis, started to found a memorial day for women. The first one was celebrated in Grafton, West Virginia, on May 10, 1908, in the church where the elder Ann Jarvis had taught Sunday school. Grafton is the home to the International Mother’s Day Shrine. From there, the custom caught on, and the holiday was declared officially by some states beginning in 1912.
It was President Woodrow Wilson who, because of the influence of a national letter-writing campaign to ministers, businessmen, and politicians begun by Jarvis, in 1914, declared the first national Mother’s Day as a day for American citizens to show the flag in honor of those mothers whose sons had died in war—with specific reference to The Great War, now known as World War I. By 1923 commercialization of the U.S. holiday had become so rampant that Anna Jarvis became a major opponent of how the holiday had evolved. Now, according to the National Restaurant Association, Mother’s Day is the most popular day of the year to dine out at a restaurant.
When I was preparing this essay, I was sitting in church, and my son, Reverend R. Scott Weaver, delivered a sermon entitled, “Are You My Mother?,” and within the sermon he included a quotation from Ralph Waldo Emerson, the famous American essayist. Emerson said, “People are what their mothers make them.” That quotation reminded me of a poem from an unknown poet, entitled “Before I Was Myself You Made Me,” that I found and saved many years ago because, for me, it held so many rich truths:
Before I was myself you made me, me
With love and patience, discipline, and tears,
Then bit by bit stepped back to set me free,
Allowing me to sail upon my sea,
Though well within the headlands of your fears.
Before I was myself you made me, me
With dreams enough of what I was to be
And hopes that would be sculpted by the years,
Then bit by bit stepped back to set me free,
Relinquishing your powers gradually
As dancers when the last sweet cadence nears
Bit by bit stepped back to set me free.
For love inspires learning naturally:
The mind assents to what the heart reveres.
And so it was through love you made me, me
By slowly stepping back to set me free.
The influence that our mothers have on us cannot be underestimated, my son said in his sermon, acknowledging my wife, his mother, whose faith permeated his life. “The bond between a child and a mother is unparalleled among all of our lifelong relationships,” my son continued. He then revealed an important irony—that his listeners might believe that his relationship with his spouse would be unparalleled when compared to any other relationship in his life, but he proceeded to explain one of the most fundamental truths regarding relationships. He explained it in this way:
“If a bride thinks that she is going to be able to change the man she intends to marry—or a groom thinks that he is going to be able to change the
woman he intends to marry—to make her what he wants her to be, he isn’t only dealing with the woman—he is dealing with her mother. And for that
bride, she is dealing with HIS mother. And it doesn’t matter if his mother is alive or not! Our mother’s live on with us long after they are a physical
presence in our lives on a daily basis.”
There is a lot that each of us can learn from mothers no matter what our age or place in life, as my son acknowledged. Some of the fundamental truths that I learned from my mother and that have lived with me on a daily basis I wrote in the first paragraph of this essay. There were many others, of course, but it was with my mother’s guidance that I became a writer, and because of her work with me, I dedicated one of my textbooks entitled Understanding Public Communication to her with the inscription, “To Florence B. Weaver with whom I first publicly communicated.” In the copy I sent to her more than 25 years ago, I wrote, “What can I say except all this would have been impossible without you. I love you.”
In his sermon, my son told this story: “There was a devout Christian mother who was always teaching her daughter lessons of faith and trust. She always told her daughter that she never needed to be afraid at any time because God was always near. One summer evening she tucked her little girl in bed after her prayers, put out the light, and went downstairs.
“Then an electrical storm came rolling out of the west with vivid flashes of lightning and a reverberating roar of thunder. Suddenly there was a simultaneous blinding flash and a deafening crash, and when the echoes died away, the mother heard the little girl calling desperately, “Mama! Mama! Come and get me.”
“The mother found her trembling, little girl in tears. After she had soothed her somewhat, she thought it might be an opportune time to teach a spiritual lesson. She said, “My little girl, has Mommy not taught you many times that you need never be afraid, that God is always near, and nothing can harm you?
“The little one put her arms around her mother’s neck and said, “Yes, Mommy. I know that God is always near, but when the lightning and the thunder are so awful, I want someone near me that’s got skin on.”
Scott ended his sermon saying, “Count the best things in your life: character, love, unselfishness, forgiveness, kindness, gentleness. They were all planted by that tender hand so long ago, the hand of that wonderful woman who cuddled you and held you and said, “This is my child.”
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At the website PearlSoup.com http://www.pearlsoup.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=pearls.view&pearlID=17637 Hal Johnson has written an endearing essay entitled, “Thoughts of Mother's Day, and the Guy Who Loved Her Too,” which, in several different ways, will touch your heart.
Mary Moss, in her essay, “One Mother’s Thoughts on Mother’s Day,” http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/238394/one_mothers_thoughts_on_mothers_day.html challenges all readers to keep an open door and an open mind, not just on Mother’s Day, of course, but throughout the year. Mother’s Day, Moss says, should be a day “when every woman in a person's life should be honored, thanked, and celebrated,” and she offers many suggestions for bringing this about.
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Contact Richard L. Weaver II
