Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

A man had an accident and called the police on his cell phone.

The police asked, "Where is the location of your accident?"

The man replied, "Approximately near milepost 499."

The police asked again, "Where is milepost 499?"

The man replied again, "Probably between milepost 498 and 500."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

The tyranny of masculinity—stop trying to be a man; start trying to be yourself

Men who display in an obvious way the typical characteristics associated with masculinity are silly, if not immature and childish.  This is about being overly competitive, aggressive, dangerous, violent, insensitive, abusive, selfish, unemotional, hyperrational, or ambitious.  It is true that many of these traits are culturally determined— especially reinforced in the media—but our culture places far too much emphasis on the roles people are supposed to play based on their race, religion, and gender.  If everyone just followed their hearts, kept it real, and didn’t do or be what others told them to do or be, the world would be a better place. 

Men, in general—not all men—can be criticized for being too addicted to cultural definitions of masculinity and for lacking a critical perspective about those definitions. 

A lot of men like sports, cars, motorcycles, beautiful women, sex, guns, gambling, tinkering and fixing, and electronic gadgets.  These interests do not concern me in this essay.  I think some of them are hardwired.  My wife and I have had children of both sexes, and if you watch their natural inclinations—whether nurtured in one direction or the other—males and females are naturally, comfortably, and, I dare say, automatically drawn to different things. 

The problem with the hard-wiring, higher levels of testosterone, and Y chromosome arguments often used to support the trite aphorism that “boys will be boys” (or “men will be men”) is that they offer a handy excuse for not doing the psychological and spiritual hard work that genuine growth and change require, especially when that change and growth contradicts socialization and cultural values.

From where did the current stereotypical view of the male gender come?  The wide variety of masculine ideals of numerous past cultures have all but vanished.  Whether hunter-gatherer, farmer, or craftsman, premodern men were steeped in family, land, community, and religion.  The traditional masculine traits were generativity, stewardship generosity, teaching, husbandry, honor, and even adventure.  All of these have been virtually ignored and replaced by ideals that have been supplied by the media.  Author and media expert Jerry Mander reminds us that, “we evolve into the images we carry in our minds.  We become what we see.” 

An obvious question, however, is why should men addicted to the cultural definitions of masculinity even consider changing?  It is because many of the traits associated with men or socialized into men are just plain stupid—as are, I might add, many of the traits of the conventional female gender role. For example, it is stupid not to ask for directions when lost, to show reluctance to go to a doctor, to thrive on violence, to work such long hours that one does not know his children, or to refuse to become relationally competent. 

What we need to confront are the outdated beliefs that men are impregnable, that risking life and limb is okay, that avoiding medical check-ups, diets, and keep-fit regimes is praiseworthy, that a man’s job is done if he “brings home the bacon,” and that families don’t need them (fathers) as much as mothers. Men need to be reassured that the traditional women’s traits that include being nurturing, selfless, overtly sensitive, passive, emotional, and intuitive are important characteristics—just as important as the traditionally more “macho” characteristics—and that to nurture, encourage, and reveal these “feminine” traits is likely to yield a stronger, more well-rounded, acceptable, and complete human being. 

Women should expect men to be a mixture of many qualities, even though some of those qualities may be polar opposites of each other.  Sure they can retain the old qualities of masculinity such as being strong, aggressive, hard, tough, big, and powerful, but they should also possess the feminine qualities such as being compassionate, soft, sweet, gentle, and caring.  What’s wrong with this combination of traits being the standard?  

Men should be free to express a full range of emotions and creative urges.  In this way they become both more humane and more sane. 

Here is the point: it is very likely that men, on average, have more innate aggressiveness than do most women.  But both men and women will be more tolerant of aggression and competitiveness in a culture that values these traits over gentleness and friendliness. 

The problem is figuring out what techniques or practices would likely encourage such a change?  Men, unfortunately, are the only ones who can do much of the work.  For women to coach men in this undertaking would be both arrogant and inappropriate.  If women can simply supply some of the challenge, a little encouragement, and a great deal of emotional support, of course, that will help.  As with every significant cultural revolution, this tectonic cultural plate shift would happen only because of deep internal, psychological, moral, and spiritual changes, individual by individual. 

One suggestion might be additionally helpful.  Just as women studies and women’s groups worked so well for women, men studies and men’s groups should work for men.  What is needed on college campuses across the nation are three closely interrelated, but distinctive, disciplines: men studies, women studies, and gender studies.  It is only through such a development that we are likely to find something close to freedom from the prison of gender roles. 

It is true that most men feel pressured to act masculine.  Why can’t men, instead, emulate people like the Dalai Lama, Martin Luther King, Jr., or Gandhi—men who were both gentle and competent?  These are male culture heroes and icons of highly accomplished masculinity.  Why is it that most men hold as heroes athletes, lawyers, businessmen, and generals?  The answer is: because we live in a speedy, competitive, hyper-masculine culture—a culture that focuses upon and idealizes the most problematic aspects of the male gender role.  If I could give men just one message, it would be: Stop trying to be a man; start trying to be yourself.  If that includes elements that are considered feminine, so be it.  

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At the JacksonKatz.com website, the essay is entitled “Manhood on the Mat: The Problem is Not that Pro Wrestling Makes Boys Violent. The Real Lesson of the Wildly Popular Pseudo-Sport is More Insidious,” and written by Jackson Katz and Sut Jhally, suggests that the hyper-masculine pro-wrestling subculture promotes bullying, taunting, and other negative male features.  “It is a lesson that resonates all too clearly in our schools: A recent survey of 6,000 children in grades 4 to 6 found that about 1 in 10 said they were bullied one or more times a week, and 1 in 5 admitted to being bullies themselves. And we know from the 1990s' series of school shootings that, all too often, guns become the great equalizer for boys who have been bullied, ridiculed, and verbally taunted.”  This essay was first published in The Boston Globe on February 13, 2000, in the Sunday, Third Edition Focus Section; Pg. E1. 

At the Gender Blender Blog, there is an excellent essay entitled, “Violent Masculinity as a Cultural Ideal: Both Men and Women are Victims,” in which students (problably Women’s Studies students at Tufts University) talk about the various effects of violent masculinity.  It is an interesting and provocative essay. 

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Copyright July, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.

Day #199 - Be a master of your destiny.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"If you create an act, you create a habit.  If you create a habit, you create character.  If you create a character, you create a destiny." ---Andre Maurois

Day #199 - Be a master of your destiny.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

Masculinity and a Shakespeare Video

And Then Some Publishing News
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Hello folks... let's get you up-to-date! 

The new video page at AndThenSomePublishing.com is finished for now. Sure there are more updates soon since we are releasing more videos later this week. (More on that in a second.) We continue to update our websites and our recent efforts haven statistically proven we are on the right track. 


Thanks for being fans and thank you for your support.


Edgar E. Willis' video on Shakespeare will be released later this week. We were hoping it would be ready for this post, but due to some technical difficulties we've decided to delay the release so we make sure you get what you want. It's Shakespeare and this must presented with respect... and we want to get this one right. Nothing is rotten in the state of Denmark... a little patience is definitely worth the wait.

Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:

Thursday’s essay is called, “The tyranny of masculinity: Stop trying to be a man; start trying to be yourself."  Men, in general—not all men—can be criticized for being too addicted to cultural definitions of masculinity and for lacking a critical perspective about those definitions.  If you don't believe it, read about it in Thursday's essay.  

The tyranny of masculinity: Stop trying to be a man; start trying to be yourself
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:
It is true that most men feel pressured to act masculine.  Why can’t men, instead, emulate people like the Dalai Lama, Martin Luther King, Jr., or Gandhi—men who were both gentle and competent?  These are male culture heroes and icons of highly accomplished masculinity.  Why is it that most men hold as heroes athletes, lawyers, businessmen, and generals?  The answer is: because we live in a speedy, competitive, hyper-masculine culture—a culture that focuses upon and idealizes the most problematic aspects of the male gender role.  If I could give men just one message, it would be: Stop trying to be a man; start trying to be yourself.  If that includes elements that are considered feminine, so be it.

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It's life... And Then Some!

Bozo Sapiens and Live a Little!

Book Club... And Then Some!





Bozo Sapiens: Why to Err is Human      

by Michael Kaplan and Ellen Kaplan



Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
 
This is a fabulous book: well-written, erudite, heavily supported by notes (26 pages out of 304 total), incredibly witty, full of examples and illustrations, with an excellent balance of depth and breadth.

If you are simply looking for a book that will both educate and entertain, this would be an excellent selection.

It is like a 100-level survey course in evolutionary psychology.  The Kaplans discuss the latest research in neuroanatomy, neurochemistry, evolutionary biology, cognitive and social psychology, behavioral finance, among other topics, and although any educated person will be familiar with some of their examples, their endless stream of hilarious anecdotes effectively explain and illustrate the dry research.

What makes this book a captivating page turner is their discussion of sensory mistakes, confirmation bias (motivational reasoning), errors in economics, as well as the stupid mistakes we make in both love and ethics.

If you want to know how the human brain works, depend on the Kaplans for a delightful treatise on human folly.


Live a Little! Breaking the Rules Won’t Break Your Health
By Susan M. Love and Alice D. Domar


Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
  
I like this book; however, I think anyone who is fit and healthy likes to read the reinforcements to their lifestyle, and this is certainly one of those books.  It is designed for women not men, but men need a dose of reality as well.  The authors cover the areas of sleep, stress, preventive care, exercise, nutrition, and personal relationships.  It is an interesting and well-written book.

If you are already fit and healthy you certainly don’t need to read this book.  I found nothing new here that you wouldn’t have read (in sufficient supply) elsewhere, whether it is in the “Science” section of the New York Times or in the “Health” sections and columns of your weekly news magazine or newspaper. 

I do appreciate the specificity of their suggestions, and their little quizzes are enjoyable to take.  Their quiz (pp. 114-117) “Are Your Exercise Habits Pretty Healthy?, is designed for self-scoring, and when I looked at my score (18-24 points), I thought the result was well-written: “You are committed to working out without being a fanatic . . . “ At the top end of the scale, 25-30 points, the authors state: “ . . . consider seeking professional help.”  I’m a fanatic when it comes to “regular exercise,” but I don’t “groan in agony,” suffer “serious pain,” exercise seven days a week, or punish myself “for pigging out” (I don’t “pig out.”). 

The quiz on, “Are Your Eating Habits Pretty Healthy?” (pp. 158-161), also rewards (in the self-scoring portion) reasonableness.  Although 22-30 points is the top and the authors recommend lightening up—“Your extreme attitude prevents you from taking joy in your food, and probably leads to quite a bit of unhealthy stress.”  I like this approach, and it was followed as well in the quiz, “Are Your Relationships Pretty Healthy?” (pp. 187-191).

I thought their box, “How We Studied the Studies” (pp. 9-10) is a useful inclusion for any readers unfamiliar with statistics or statistical studies and their interpretation. 

The various boxes throughout the book, the addition of the personal experiences of both authors, the history and background of research and various recommendations, the use of “From the Trenches” by other authors and writers, and their final chapter, “A Pretty Healthy Life, Decade by Decade” (193-215) (20's -70's and beyond), I think, offers useful, commonsense advice.
 

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These books are both available from Amazon.com: Bozo Sapiens: Why to Err is Human and Live a Little! Breaking the Rules Won’t Break Your Health

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

There was an old college professor who started every class with
a vulgar joke.

After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk
out the next time he started.

The professor got wind of their plot, so the next morning he walked in and
said, "Good morning, class.  Did you hear about the shortage of whores
in India?"

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

"Wait ladies," cried the professor.  "The boat doesn't leave until Thursday."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

Assholes at work

I’ve always assumed the best when encountering other people, and it takes me a long time to form an opinion so severe and critical that I could actually label someone “asshole.”  Although I’ll admit the word is in my vocabulary, there are few instances when I use it, nor would want to use it.  More often than not, my use of the word is in retrospect, a little like Monday-morning quarterbacking, when you look back on a situation, analyze it, and then realize that the negative consequences occurred simply because someone was acting like a total jerk. 

I had a brother-in-law like that who always seemed to take a contrary position in discussions just to antagonize and provoke.  He loved the verbal battle.  I had a colleague like that as well who all faculty members tried to avoid.  It seemed the faculty members of our small department would almost always see eye-to-eye, even agree to disagree at times, but got along with each other famously except when this one person would become involved.  It was as if a discordant ingredient was put into a recipe that seemed to spoil the overall flavor, texture, or appearance.  Without it, no problem; with it, yuck! 

It seems as if this world is more full of assholes today than in the past.  I’m talking here about people who quickly, and often thoughtlessly, throw out personal insults, invade our personal space, make uninvited physical contact, use verbal and nonverbal means to threaten and intimidate, use unwanted sarcastic jokes, offer-up withering e-mail flames, inject rude interruptions into conversations, appear two-faced—one face cordial and accommodating, the other face condemning, vilifying, and attacking—ready to give dirty looks (in Hawaii they call it “stink-eye”) at a moment’s displeasure, and treating others as if they are invisible. 

For this list, and for stimulating this essay, I am indebted to Robert I. Sutton and his book, The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t (Warner Business Books, 2007).  My list of characteristics, above, comes from his list of “Common Everyday Actions That Assholes Use” (p. 10).  I have avoided using quotation marks throughout most of this essay for ease of reading, but I acknowledge my dependence on this terrific book that is well worth reading. 

The best way I have found to successfully deal with assholes is to avoid them, or, in a business, get rid of them.  Sometimes it is a matter of proceeding with the first approach— avoidance—until the second takes place—departure.  Looking back, in all cases that I can recall, this was exactly the procedure that took place. 

In talking with my father-in-law, a former department chairperson, one faculty member was not only an asshole, continued to provoke and display his negative personality on a daily basis, affected everyone’s demeanor and morale, became known throughout the profession and university for just what he was, and — to everyone’s delight and amusement — ended up taking a faculty position at a university in Australia.  Out of sight, out of mind!  (The trail of negative memories and stories, however, paved a muddy and treacherous course of recollections well beyond his presence in this country.) 

My problem with Sutton’s top ten steps, “Enforcing the No Asshole Rule,” is simple.  It is difficult to detect assholes, because they are so good at disguising themselves before people who do not know them.  So often, when you meet for the first time a person who has been labeled an asshole, recognized as an asshole, and roundly supported as an asshole by people you respect and admire, you are astounded at what you discover.  Here, you think, is one of the most cordial, friendly, warm, genial, affable, amiable, pleasant, polite, warmhearted, and good-natured people on the face of the earth!  The critics must be wrong! 

The key, I’m afraid, is to base your judgment on that of those who are credible and whom you trust and respect.  What other recourse do you have?  In an organization, Sutton claims, assholes hire other assholes, so get rid of them fast.  Treat them as incompetent employees.  Remember power breeds nastiness.  “Beware that giving people — even seemingly nice and sensitive people — even a little power can turn them into big jerks” (p. 90), says Sutton.  In dealing with them, you must develop a culture in which people know how to argue and when to stop fighting.  Often, it means gathering more evidence, listening to other people, and implementing decisions even when the asshole disagrees with them. 

Although it is important to emphasize — in business, education, or even in small meetings — that treating people with respect rather than contempt makes good sense, it doesn’t always register with those for whom the words should resonate the loudest.  The resonation falls on deaf ears — or rebounds with no purpose or direction within an empty head, if it makes it that far — especially when things are going badly! 

When you have to hunker down and take it, here are some of the suggestions Sutton makes for surviving nasty people.  First, reframe the situation to escape the source of stress and reduce the damage being done to you.  Above all, avoid self-blame, hope for the best while expecting the worst, and develop indifference and emotional detachment.  Second, look for and celebrate small wins.  “The advantage of taking small actions is that they bring about noticeable and typically successful changes” (p. 140), says Sutton.  “Using a small-wins strategy can enhance your feelings of control, make things around you a little better, and maybe — just maybe — chip away at the vile and vicious culture in which you are trapped and start making it a bit better” (p. 147).  Third, limit your exposure to dampen the damage that assholes do.  Fourth, build pockets of safety, support, and sanity.  When you can hide, hangout with decent people, or engage supportive family and friends in constructive, positive, and helpful conversations, often these social networks can buffer you against the stress of working with an asshole. 

One problem with assholes is the residual effect they can have on your mind, mentality, and memory.  Just writing this essay, for example, brings back memories I would rather not entertain.  Forgiving and forgetting is a great thought, but sometimes doesn’t serve to purge such experiences.  Although Sutton discusses both revenge and calling their bluff, I have seldom seen these tactics work well.  There are some tactics that work and that are discussed above, and they may be all you have.  Fortunately, assholes make up a small percentage of the population!  

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At the HuffingtonPost.com, Robert Sutton writes, “The No Asshole Rule: Part 1,” where, in his own words, “I thought it would be fun to introduce the book to Huffington Post readers by sharing 13 of the most fascinating and funny things that have happened so far [since his book was published]. The first six are in this post the other seven in my next post.” 

At Bob Sutton’s own website, he offers an essay, “Updated Tips for Victims of Workplace Assholes,” which he introduces with the paragraph, “I’ve talked a lot here about methods for enduring abusive bosses and co-workers.  Some of these tips come from your comments and e-mails, some from the No Asshole Rule, and some from academic research. I thought it would be useful to list some of the most effective methods in one place. I update this list every few months, so please keep your suggestions coming!”  He gives six or seven tips then includes numerous comments from messages he receives at the website. 

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Copyright July, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.
    
    
   

Day #198 - Be willing to work hard.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"Continuous effort---not strength or intelligence---is the key to unlocking our potential." ---Liane Cordes

Day #198 - Be willing to work hard.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

Shakespeare and Assholes?

And Then Some Publishing News
-----
This week we will be finishing the updates to all of our And Then Some Publishing websites. As we have found out it takes longer to update and remove old information than it is to implement and install the new information. The idea of the updates is to make easier and more efficient with our updates and getting new material to you faster. We expect to have AndThenSomePublishing.com updated by the end of the week so watch for our new updates.

Are you ready for Shakespeare? We will be releasing the first part of Edgar E. Willis video series next week. The videos come from the Stratford Shakespeare Festival in southwestern Ontario, Canada. Edgar presents a combination of a lecture and a question and answer session all about William Shakespeare. If you love Shakespeare or have to study him, then you are in for a treat! The videos will be posted here first, then on Edgar's website, EdgarEWillis.com. There's a lot more videos to watch... check them out.

Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:

Thursday’s essay is called, “Assholes at work." Who am I talking about?  I’m talking here about people who quickly, and often thoughtlessly, throw out personal insults, invade our personal space, make uninvited physical contact, use verbal and nonverbal means to threaten and intimidate, use unwanted sarcastic jokes, offer-up withering e-mail flames, inject rude interruptions into conversations, appear two-faced—one face cordial and accommodating, the other face condemning, vilifying, and attacking—ready to give dirty looks (in Hawaii they call it “stink-eye”) at a moment’s displeasure, and treating others as if they are invisible.  The essay is based on Robert I. Sutton's book, The No Asshole Rule, and I am indebted to him for the ideas in this essay.

Assholes at Work
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:
One problem with assholes is the residual effect they can have on your mind, mentality, and memory.  Just writing this essay, for example, brings back memories I would rather not entertain.  Forgiving and forgetting is a great thought, but sometimes doesn’t serve to purge such experiences.  Although Sutton discusses both revenge and calling their bluff, I have seldom seen these tactics work well.  There are some tactics that work and that are discussed above, and they may be all you have.  Fortunately, assholes make up a small percentage of the population!

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And Then Some Works!

How Sex Works: Why We Look, Smell, Taste, Feel, and Act the Way We Do

Book Club... And Then Some!





How Sex Works: Why We Look, Smell, Taste, Feel, and Act the Way We Do     
             

by Sharon Moalem



Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
 
Although the title might suggest otherwise, this is a research book with 28 pages of “Notes,” for a 288-page book.

It is well written, highly informative, and a compelling read.

What I most appreciated were Moalem’s frank and open discussions of everything from contraception and fertility to menopause, homosexuality, and orgasms. 

The research and studies Moalem cites are overwhelming, and his explanations and descriptions are easy to comprehend.

One of the reviewers at Amazon.com writes, “I truly enjoyed reading this book. It was nice to be able to pick up a book on the subject of sex and actually learn something new. It made me think of sex in a new perspective. Information was referenced with numerous research studies and examples. I also appreciated the author's writing style, and found the chapter titles brilliant. Very engaging!”

Another reviewer writes, “How Sex Works is an entertaining and amusing comprehensive review of culture, biology, and history and their intricate connection to today's understanding of sexuality. The book examines recent research concepts, debunks old myths, and defies the common boundaries and understanding of sexuality.”

As you’ve gathered from these two reviewers and mine, this is a must-read book for everyone since it introduces new ideas, dispels numerous myths, and because of his synthesis of culture, biology, and history, he takes readers “far beyond our common understanding of sex.” 


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This book is available from Amazon.com: How Sex Works: Why We Look, Smell, Taste, Feel, and Act the Way We Do.

Friday's Laugh . . . And Then Some!

Wife standing in front of a mirror and telling to her
husband, "I am fat, old, wrinkled, and no longer pretty.  Will you
still give me a romantic compliment?"

Husband replies: "Your eyesight is still excellent."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Fall 2010

It is our sanctuary, our special place, an area of safety, solitude, and serenity

When a friend of one of our children, led by our older son, followed the sidewalk from the front of our house around and through the gate into our backyard, his first reaction coming upon our pond, gazebo, and round brick patio in front of both was to exclaim, “Wow, this is a real sanctuary!”  It was clear to him—having seen our backyard for the first time—that this was, indeed, a special place. 

We have lived in our house for over thirty years, and for every one of those years, we have done something—mostly add plants, bushes, or trees—to our yard. 

Our three-fourths of an acre was but a field when we moved in, and we were the second or third house constructed when the rear plat to our subdivision was built.  Because we were among the first, we selected the largest piece of property on a cull-de-sac so that our children would have a large, safe area in which to play.  Being on a cull-de-sac, the front of our property is only about 50-feet wide, but the rear lot line covers a full two properties plus it touches a drainage ditch in one far corner—a lot line somewhere between 250 and 300 feet in length. 

There were no trees, so our first goal was to plant them.  Our intention was to frame our property in trees rather than use fences, and in the beginning that worked well.  A couple of problems, however, developed.  First, the right of way behind our house which contained all the electric, telephone, and cables for television was a drainage area for all the houses built behind us and at least a half dozen others.  The excess rain from all of those properties came through our right of way—part of our property—to reach that drainage ditch.  When it rains, it fills. 

That has never been a major problem, however, when we tried growing blue spruce trees on the inside of the right-of-way, they were dying quickly from too much water, and we immediately moved them to both of the edges of our yard that lead to the right-of-way.  Then we tried lilacs, and the same thing happened, and we had to move them to another portion of the side of the yard leading to the ditch.  When we tried forsythia, the same thing happened a third time, and we had to pull them all out before they died.  Our final effort was to put in 50 or 60 Russian Olive saplings, and that worked.  The saplings have grown into large trees along the inside of the right-of-way, and nearly every year of the 30 here, we have had to trim or remove them.  

All of our early efforts were designed to provide shade as well as some privacy from the four homes that border ours.  In the back, our property is now enclosed by blue spruce, 20-foot high lilac bushes, and Russian olives.  Inside the Russian olives we have planted arbor vitae to add to the privacy along the back right-of-way. 

In addition to the quest for privacy, we have always had a large garden.  The garden was enclosed by landscaping ties, and we used chicken wire to keep out the rabbits and woodchucks.  

We have always used annuals to add color and variety to our other plantings.  What has happened—and it is particularly evident this year—is that because of our early interest in shade trees, we now have an enormous amount of shade provided by oak, maple, and pine trees as well as an enormous bradford pear tree. 

For many years, my goal has always been to reduce the amount of grass I have had to mow.  So, using cypress mulch, I have continued to mulch in areas and build hosta gardens or areas for our birdbaths or other bushes and plants.  Along the back right-of-way, I used mulch around all the Russian olives and arbor vitae so I would never have to weed-whack.  Then we added lamb’s ear as well as Japanese spurge (pachysandra) as ground cover.  

All of the people occupying the homes surrounding our property have added fences around their yards.  To fence in our yard  meant that we would simply have to add to their fences, include a small one along the rear ditch, and then, from their fences we could add one that came up to the sides of our house.  We made the final one a white picket fence, and I added a small cover over the gate, so that when you enter our yard on either side, you have to come under this small portico.  Thus, our backyard is now fully enclosed by fences with gates on either side. 

Because of the shade from the trees we planted early on, it has been difficult to keep grass growing in many areas.  On one side, under a silver maple tree, we made a large hosta garden with over 30 different kinds of hosta as well as ferns and other ground covers. 

One of our sons found a brick pile, and we brought home two large loads of bricks in our truck.  From those, we fashioned brick walkways from the front of our house to the backyard (under the porticos), and around the two front blue spruce trees (one on each side of our lot), we built a small brick wall to enclose circular hosta gardens around those spruce trees. 

We have added a rear barn that measures 10' w x 20' l  x 14' h, and we bought an 8-foot in diameter gazebo from the Amish who came in and installed it. 

When I put in the patio in front of our pond, which my son and I built and which includes three small waterfalls, I buried the dirt from the patio foundation in the garden, so I changed the landscaping ties to 6" x 6" treated timbers to box in our two 10' x 15' plots.  Then around the patio, I used our annual accumulation of leaf mulch to landscape the area and added hydranga, sweet William, and viburnum to fill out those areas. 

This year (it was yesterday as I am writing this), the friend of one of our family members who called our backyard a sanctuary, gave us four flats of Impatiens and begonias in reds, oranges, and pinks.  Today, I planted all of those plants which has added a great deal of additional color to our yard.  We had three double hanging metal plant holders that already had full baskets of pink Impatiens plants, and then with the other blooming plants—yellow snap dragons, white hydrangas, and pink blossoms on several other bushes—our place has truly taken on the feel of a sanctuary. 

Our yard is and always has been a “work-in-progress.”  It was never planned; we are never finished with it; and we never stop purchasing more plants—some that we have no place for—every year.  But when you enter the backyard now, with the songs of the many birds, the sounds of the water from our pond, and the incredible smell of fresh air, it is truly a joy to behold.  It is our sanctuary, our special place, an area of safety, solitude, and serenity. 

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At LearningMeditation, there is a fun, short essay, “Sanctuary-Safe,” on how to build a sanctuary within your home.  It is similar to what we have done in our backyard, however, it is inside.  Just a short, pleasant read. 

At About.com, under the subheading, “Interior Decorating,” there is another brief essay, “Create Your Own Private Retreat in Your Home---Escape to a Comforting Space You Really Love.”  Here, Coral Nafie writes about all the essentials needed to create that special place.  It is a longer essay, but it certainly discusses the importance, the needs, and the requirements for an interior space. 

At @zinearticles.com, the essay is entitled, “Creating a Personal Sanctuary - To Moat, Or NOT to Moat,” in which DeAnna Radaj discusses a number of requirements (and possible elements) for an outside sanctuary.  This is, by far, the best essay I have discovered on creating an outdoor sanctuary. 

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Copyright July, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.

Day #196 - Reduce your anxiety.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"Anxiety is the feeling of apprehension you have before doing anything to which you are unaccustomed, and the best way you have of reducing your nervousness is by active and continuous preparation so that whatever it is you want to accomplish can be approached with a feeling of complete confidence and assurance.  ---Richard L. Weaver II

Day #196 - Reduce your anxiety.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

Edgar E Willis Website Remodel Complete and Thursday's Essay Preview

And Then Some Publishing News 
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Have you see the new EdgarEWillis.com? The website has been updated and people are liking what they see! Now you can get all his videos and books in one place. Currently, Edgar has two videos, his interview about his memoir, Civilian in an Ill-fitting Uniform, and How to be Funny on Purpose: An Anatomy of Humor. He has more videos and books on the way. The next video about Shakespeare will be released in the next two weeks. If you love Shakespeare, you'll love this series. We'll keep you posted right here when there is a firm release date.


Click here and check out the NEW EdgarEWillis.com


Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
Thursday’s essay is called, “It is our sanctuary, our special place, an area of safety, solitude, and serenity."  I'm sure I'm not alone in wanting a place that is quiet, peaceful, and serene.  In this essay I talk about our back yard and how, over more than 30 years, we have created such a place.

It is our sanctuary, our special place, an area of safety, solitude, and serenity
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:
Our yard is and always has been a “work-in-progress.”  It was never planned; we are never finished with it; and we never stop purchasing more plants—some that we have no place for—every year.  But when you enter the backyard now, with the songs of the many birds, the sounds of the water from our pond, and the incredible smell of fresh air, it is truly a joy to behold.  It is our sanctuary, our special place, an area of safety, solitude, and serenity.

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And Then Some Works!

Lost Paradise: From Mutiny on the Bounty to a Modern-day Legacy of Sexual Mayhem, The Dark Secrets of Pitcairn Island Revealed

Book Club... And Then Some!




 

Lost Paradise: From Muntiny on the Bounty to a Modern-day Legacy of Sexual Mayhem, The Dark Secrets of Pitcairn Island Revealed.

by Gail Collins





Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
 
At the Simon & Schuster web site, “Authors - Kathy Marks - Biography” section, this is how her biography reads: “Kathy Marks grew up in Manchester, England, and studied languages. She has been a journalist since 1984, working first for Reuters news agency and then for national newspapers in Britain, including the Daily Telegraph and The Independent. Since 1999 she has been based in Sydney as The Independent’s Asia-Pacific Correspondent, reporting from Australia, New Zealand, Indonesia, East Timor, the Philippines, Thailand, Singapore, Cambodia, and the South Pacific. She has covered major stories around the region, including the post-independence violence in East Timor in 1999, the 2002 Bali nightclub bombings, the civil war in Indonesia’s Aceh province, the Indian Ocean Boxing Day tsunami in 2004 and the 2006 Java earthquake. In 2004 she was one of six international journalists who travelled to Pitcairn Island for the child sex abuse trials.” 

Why is all this biographical information important?  It reveals the expertise, the journalistic precision, and the background Marks brings to this book.

What an incredible story Marks tells about Pitcairn Island!  It’s not just hard to believe such a thing could happen, but it, indeed, stirs up haunting memories once read.

I knew of Pitcairn island in name only, and I always thought it was a South Pacific island paradise like Tahiti, Samoa, the Solomon Islands, Fiji, Easter Island, or the Cook Islands.  Of course, it is a paradise—if you discount some of the people who inhabit the island!

This is a very readable telling of a story of 40 years when children were abused and raped, adult males were protected and unpunished, and an entire society of 47 people feigned ignorance or claimed it was South Pacific “culture.”

One reviewer at Amazon.com writes, “In order to make this book as good as it is the author needed to be part criminal trial reporter, part historian and part anthropologist. She was all three and more. This is a fascinating book about a terrible abuse scandal on an isolated island founded by famous mutineers.” 

If you want to experience how a tiny, claustrophobic, community operates and what powerful forces can allow abuse to flourish, this is a fascinating saga that takes you through the legal battles and human trials that resulted in a paradise lost.


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This book is available from Amazon.com: Lost Paradise: From Mutiny on the Bounty to a Modern-day Legacy of Sexual Mayhem, The Dark Secrets of Pitcairn Island Revealed.