LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A man walks out of a bar and sees a bum panhandling on the corner. The bum says, "Mister, can you spare a dollar?"
The man thinks a minute. Then he asks the bum, "If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it to buy liquor?"
"No," says the bum.
The man then asks, "If I give you a dollar, are you going to use it for gambling?"
Again the bum says, "No."
So the man says to the bum, "Do you mind coming home with me so I can show my wife what happens to someone who doesn't drink or gamble?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #17 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

The tenth edition of a college textbook

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
 
It was never a dream of mine, and it was never even on my radar screen at all—at any point in my life.  The possibility of writing a college textbook came to me without asking for it, soliciting it, or even thinking about it.  And yet I feel  fortunate and, indeed, lucky.  

To have the privilege of writing a tenth edition of a college textbook is not completely under an author’s control.  That is, it is a choice made for authors.  First, it must be adopted by a sufficient number of professional colleagues.  Second, for them to make the decision to adopt, it has to be liked by student readers of the book.  Third, the number of adoptions must be ample enough to make it worthwhile for the publishing company—in this case McGraw-Hill—to invest its resources in a new edition.  Of course, the author must agree to write it; however, if an author were to say no, many  contracts allow publishing companies to carry on without them—adding another author to the mast head.
    
The only reason I began writing college textbooks is because my co-author, Saundra Hybels, whom I had met in a college course at the University of Michigan, asked me to co-author one with her.  She knew the president of a small publishing company—D. Van Nostrand (which has since gone out of business)—and her connection permitted us (maybe even encouraged her!) to write a book entitled Speech/Communication.  Its popularity and success led to a second edition, and when Random House bought out the Van Nostrand list, we became Random House authors, and at that time we changed the name of the textbook—even though it was exactly the same book—to Communicating Effectively.  

That was in 1984.  (Our first edition of Communicating Effectively carried a copyright date of 1986.)  Saundra died in 1999, and I finished the 1998 edition and then wrote the last five editions (including the 10th) as a sole author.  Previously we had divided the task with Saundra writing the first half of the book, and with me writing the second half including all the chapters on public speaking.
    
Who knew (or could accurately predict) that the book would continue through a tenth edition?  When I mentioned that I had been asked to write a tenth edition, my father-in-law, also a college textbook author, said to me, “Do you know how many people in the world have ever been asked to write a tenth edition?”  (The answer, of course, is very, very few.)
    
The first thing I did when asked to write the new edition was to request from my editor at McGraw-Hill, Nicole Bridge, reviews of the ninth edition.  I suggested some of the areas that needed to be covered, and she proceeded to get 20 reviews using an online form reviewers filled out and sent to her.  It is those 20 reviews that shaped and guided my work.  I took those reviews on a long summer vacation in our fifth wheel, and I worked on them diligently for well over a month—organizing the ideas and suggestions by chapter, highlighting those that demanded my attention, noting those on which a future decision (whether to make the change or not) would have to be made, and listing all those that would affect the book as a whole rather than individual chapters throughout.
    
With the organization of the reviewers’ comments complete, I created a chapter-by-chapter revision plan which incorporated (prior to my doing anything about the comments) all the reviewers’ ideas.  This revision plan became my precise and exacting blueprint for the ninth-edition changes.  It governed how I proceeded, which chapters needed the most attention, and where additional research and investigation was necessary.  The revision plan grew as the actual changes were inserted with page and paragraph numbers and whether permission would be necessary to use the information.
    
Now I must pause and explain a couple of items.  First, I always anticipate writing a new edition.  This is important because I begin collecting new and relevant information immediately after completing the last edition.  You cannot wait simply because important information may be overlooked; thus, the search for information is an ongoing and unrelenting task.  Books, newspapers, magazines, scholarly journals, other textbooks, and any other available resources (like the Internet) must be carefully and thoroughly canvassed along the way.
    
The second item that needs explanation at this point is a new adventure I began with this edition.  Because I blog, and because my five-day-a-week blog entries are posted on Facebook as well as on my web site http://www.andthensomeworks.com, I decided to chronicle the process of writing the tenth edition in blogs, and the Facebook entries that include the steps could be viewed there — but are likely to be deleted now because of time.  This was an enjoyable exercise, and for those who have never written a textbook, I hope it offered interesting, informative insights.
    
Once the revision plan was complete—using the reviewers’ comments organized by chapter—I began my work by following the blueprint.  This is a tedious, time-consuming, and challenging job that requires patience, extraordinary insight, and close attention to detail.
    
Another job I performed immediately when asked to write a tenth edition was to write an “active open-mindedness” (or AOM) box for each of the 16 chapters.  Most of the previous editions offered adopters a new and unique “selling point.”  These included, “Consider This” boxes, “Another Point of View” boxes, as well as “Working Together,” “Reality Check,” and “Strategic Flexibility” boxes.  The AOM boxes were a new selling point for the tenth edition.
    
Just as an aside here, every one of the AOM boxes I wrote at this early stage appears in the completed tenth edition, and all appear without a single change from when originally written.
    
There was another important discovery, however, based on the reviews.  Several reviewers noted the short attention spans of students and offered suggestions for breaking up large bodies of text material.  It is precisely for that reason that I added over 75 new marginal boxes designed to offer specific instructions regarding text material, provide examples of text information, or furnish a quick summary.  Many appear simply to break up long sections of textbook material.
    
Reviewer comments suggested, too, that I combine my two chapters on group communication into one, pull out all my sections on dealing with conflict in the three chapters where they occurred and make a single new one entitled, “Conflict and Conflict Management,” and reorder the contents in a more meaningful and logical manner.  These are major changes in a new edition because you don’t want to lose adopters; however, to make such changes requires great thought, careful organization, and much justification (to self and others).
    
Many changes follow when the main text is changed.  There are organizational changes in the instructor’s manual, new activities that must be organized for instructors, new review and quiz questions, new items to support instructor lectures, and creative web site and web work.  The tenth edition is a lot of work—especially when I began with a goal of increased usefulness, improved structure, and more supporting information and material.
------
Writing and Developing Your College Textbook by Mary Ellen Lepionka is a valuable resource.  Anthony Haynes of the UK, wrote this review of Lepionka’s book at Amazon.com: “There aren't many books about textbooks and the ones that do exist tend to be rather theoretical. This one is very practical. You can tell it isn't written by a hack: the book is full of concrete details based on experience. As a textbook publisher myself, I feel confident in saying that no prospective textbook authors could read this without profit - and I doubt any experienced authors could either.”  

The other six reviews were favorable as well.   Another said, Mary Ellen Lepionka’s (a veteran development editor in higher education publishing for more than twenty years) publication, “is a straightforward guide to creating an easy-to-understand, comprehensive, well-thought-out, accessibly organized textbook for college-level courses. Individual chapters cover how to publish the text manuscript, as well as the importance of structure, ways to make drafting and revising easier, the right way to acquire permissions when needed, and much, much more. Writing And Developing Your College Textbook is very highly recommended for aspiring textbook writers regardless of the subject matter of the book itself.”

Jennifer Burns has a delightful and insightful essay, “Key to Successful Writing,” at the web site Cheap College Textbooks.  If you are interested in getting started as a writer, this essay offers a useful starting point.
-----
Copyright March 2012 by And Then Some Publishing, LLC

Speak well of others.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom"The best proof of character is a well-meaning compliment paid to others."  ---Richard L. Weaver II
  Day #299 - Speak well of others.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.  This is one of four motivational quotations for Day #299.  

Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday's Essay Preview

The first paragraph of Thursday's essay, "The Tenth Edition of a College Textbook," reads as follows:

It was never a dream of mine, and it was never even on my radar screen at all—at any point in my life.  The possibility of writing a college textbook came to me without asking for it, soliciting it, or even thinking about it.  And yet I feel  fortunate and, indeed, lucky.  



Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay

Many changes follow when the main text is changed.  There are organizational changes in the instructor’s manual, new activities that must be organized for instructors, new review and quiz questions, new items to support instructor lectures, and creative web site and web work.  The tenth edition is a lot of work—especially when I began with a goal of increased usefulness, improved structure, and more supporting information and material.







And Then Some News

The laws of charisma: How to captivate, inspire, and influence for maximum success

The laws of charisma: How to captivate, inspire, and influence for maximum success
By Kurt W. Mortensen

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II

When you see the 30 ingredients of charisma listed and discussed by Mortensen, your first question may be the same as mine: Who decided these were the main ingredients of charisma?  First, the author says, “I have spent my life studying persuasion, motivation, and influence.  People often ask me what is the most important tool or skill in the entire influence toolbox? . . . If there were one skill to master out of all the tools of persuasion and influence, it is charisma” (p. 2).

Of course, that doesn’t answer the question: From where did these 30 ingredients come?  “While I was doing research for this book, I conducted extensive interviews.  I asked people how they would describe a person whom other people love to be around and want to be influenced by . . . ? The word ‘charisma’ came up the most . . . “ (p. 6).

Then, the answer magically appears: “Research on charisma shows that you must learn and master certain skills, traits, and attributes.  I have determined that there are 30 in all, and each has a chapter of its own” (pp. 7-8).  The answer is simple: We must trust the author’s ability to select the right, proper, or appropriate ingredients.  There is no single other source that supports the choice of these 30, and the research Mortensen cites, like Bernard M. Bass, in Bass & Stogdill’s Handbook of Leadership, 3rd ed. (New York: Free Press, 1990), p. 190.} — which is often cited — simply makes comments like “Charismatic people project a powerful, confident, dynamic presence” which Mortensen uses as his reason for selecting a title, like that of Chapter 2: “Confidence: Conviction Is Contagious.”  In other words, there is no research that supports the overall selection of ingredients.

Now, I don’t want to suggest that I disagree with Mortensen’s selection of the ingredients that make up charisma.  One could say that his selection is as good as any other.  And when you look at the ingredients (passion, confidence, congruence, optimism, positive power, energy and balance, humor and happiness, self-discipline, competence, intuition, purpose, integrity, courage, creativity, focus, presentation skills, people skills, influence, storytelling, eye contact, listening, rapport, inspiration, esteem, credibility, motivation, goodwill, vision, empathy, and respect), you wonder if there couldn’t be others that are not mentioned or if there are some mentioned that don’t matter as much as others.  It would have been good to have them discussed in the order of importance determined by the research on charisma — if such research exists.  Are some of them universal?  If I wanted to develop charisma, should I be the one to determine where to place my emphasis, or should I place my emphasis on those ingredients determined to be the most important in charisma — as it is perceived by others — according to the research.  This is not an indictment of Mortensen’s work; however, these are some of the questions that a curious reader might ask.

The organization of each chapter (an opening story, core information, the major mistake readers make with respect to the ingredient (“blind spot”), application, example, and the key to developing the ingredient along with a rating scale for determining your own ability or skill on the factor discussed in the chapter) is tight, valuable, predictable, helpful, and practical.

The book is well-written and direct.  I enjoyed how the author talks to readers in a conversational and helpful manner.  There are 19 pages of “Research,” and much of it is quite good.  I do not question the statement I am going to quote here, “The top predictor of professional success and upward mobility is how much you enjoy and how good you are at public speaking [I agree!]; however, the citation for this speech is a motivational writer and speaker: Tony Alessandra, Charisma: Seven Keys to Developing the Magnetism That Leads to Success (New York: Business Plus, 2000).  It would be a little like quoting me saying the same thing — with no research to back up the statement.

There is a great deal of (recent) research to back up a statement like “The top predictor of professional success and upward mobility is how much you enjoy and how good you are at public speaking” [I cite it in my textbook Communicating Effectively, 10th ed.  (McGraw-Hill, 2012], and it would be great to see studies cited to support such a comment.  

Bernard M. Bass’s book, Bass & Stogdill’s Handbook of Leadership, is over 20 years old; the issues of American Salesman cited to support the importance of presentations were 20 years old.  Once again, this is not an indictment of Mortensen’s “research” for this book; however, there are so many more recent, varied, reputable, and primary sources that could be used that would make his conclusions (regarding public speaking or presentations) stronger.  (In some cases Mortensen cited his earlier books, Maximum Influence: The 12 Universal Laws of Power Persuasion (New York: AMACOM, 2004) and Persuasion IQ: The 10 Skills You Need to Get Exactly What You Want (New York: AMACOM, 2008) to support his points.)

I realize that most people don’t care about the research used in a book.  If you are a person just looking for a book that will help you build charisma — whether you are just starting out or whether you are trying to improve your charismatic presence — this book is likely to provide you with a place to start — especially if you are looking for basic, elementary, essential tools.

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A woman who plays cards one night a month with a group of friends was concerned that she always woke up her husband when she came home around 11:30.

One night she decided to try not to rouse him. She undressed in the living room and, purse over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom - only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.

"Dammit woman!" he exclaimed. "Did you lose everything?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #12 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

Help! I've been outsourced

by Richard L. Weaver II

 I was aware of the problems of outsourcing in general, and I had used call centers in Mumbai regarding computer problems.  I had never had any problems with the contacts I made; in all cases, the assistants there solved the problems I had accurately and quickly.  They were well-informed, cordial, respectful, and incredibly efficient.  In general, however, the problems that have been discussed in articles on outsourcing had to do with the reliability and quality of the information. 
 
When you read articles on outsourcing, you get an idea about some of the problems that occur.  At the web site Outsource2India, for example, the unknown author of the essay, “10 Biggest Concerns of a Customer While Outsourcing,” makes the problem clear in the opening paragraph: “The key is to choose a service provider with integrity, honesty, efficiency and great communication skills.”
    
In my case, there was no choice.  The selection of an outsourcing service was determined for me by my publishing company, McGraw-Hill.  The reason for McGraw-Hill outsourcing book production to India are simple.  According to Prisca Rollins in an essay at eHow titled, “India Outsourcing Problems,” Rollins says, “Businesses in America began heavily outsourcing work to India in the 1990's.  It was a way to save on overhead and production cost.”
    
Satish Jacob, in an essay titled, “India's Outsourcing Boom Runs Into Trouble ” located at the web site ABC News /International makes the problem about outsourcing to India very clear. Why should anyone be concerned?   “India employs about 350,000 people in the outsourcing industry and adds 150,000 new jobs each year,” writes Jacob, “But filling those vacancies is proving to be a nightmare. At this moment [December 24, 2005], the industry needs to hire around 9,000 people but can't find them.”  Think about it, the outsourcing industry needs high-quality, well-educated, English-speaking workers.  In India that is a bigger problem than it is (or would be) in the U.S., and in the U.S. it is a problem as well.
   
Let me explain my experience with outsourcing.  With the exception of my computer questions/problems and dealing with assistants in Mumbai, this was certainly my first experience, and it lasted about 11 weeks.
   
In the previous 9 editions of my textbook, Communicating Effectively 9th ed. (McGraw-Hill, 2009), all of the production was handled in the U.S..  Not only that, with the exception of the 9th edition, the process of manuscript development included reading galleys in hard-copy first, having those developed into hard-copy pages, and then the production, from page proofs, into the final textbook. 
    
With the tenth edition, it was not only an adjustment to outsourcing, but also not having hard copy at all, skipping the entire galley stage, and working entirely with electronic copy.  For me, this was not just a surprise but a giant step into the technological age.  I thought giant steps were only supposed to take place when stepping on the moon for the first time!
    
Full service for the tenth edition, once my developmental editor completed her work with me in preparing the manuscript for publication (raw new material, new footnotes, changes within chapters, new chapters added, rearrangement of existing chapters, etc.) was turned over to a company in New Delhi, India, called Aptara Corporation, and I was introduced to my new project manager, Antima Gupta, who I thought all along during the development of the manuscript was a male.  This makes no difference whatsoever, but I was shocked to see her picture when I Googled her name in January, 2011, after work on the manuscript was complete. 
   
Incidentally, as an aside here, all of the editors with whom I have dealt over my 36 years of work on this book have been female.  Why should I have even thought that my new editor would be male?  Yes, it makes no difference whatever; however, when you are working with someone (as a colleague) intensely for 11 weeks — even if it is over the Internet — you form a picture of the person, and my picture was not accurate.
    
It was October 20, 2010, when I received my first message from Gupta: “McGraw-Hill has outsourced the project management of your book to Aptara Corp., and I am the project manager at Aptara who will be your contact for all production-related issues.  You will be working directly with me on this project, so please feel free to email me if you have any questions or concerns about the production process."
    
To show you how much of the production process was outsourced, Gupta writes, “During production we will copyedit your manuscript, prepare the artwork, and arrange for typesetting and printing.”
    
Besides her name, there were several indicators in her initial email to me that she was not a Westerner nor did she have a Western education (at least, as it appeared in her letter).  At one point she said: “A request!  If you deem okay, could you please forward me your contact number . . . ,” and at another point, she was explaining the use of Adobe Acrobat Reader and said: “It is a simple process and I can walk you though [sic] steps over phone.”  Also, at still another point, she said, “I shall look forward to hear from you.”  Otherwise, her English was perfect.
    
At the end of October, 2010, Gupta established the schedule for reviewing the page proofs: 3 chapters per week with my responses due one week after receiving each set.
    
In response to a message from my editor at McGraw-Hill Higher Education in New York, which read: “We are very close to finishing up the production for Communicating Effectively, 10e. I hope you have been pleased with the production.  Please know that your feedback concerning the full service project:  management communication, the quality of the copyediting,
proofreading, & paging, & the schedule are beneficial and welcome for future editions.”
    
My response to her request for information read: “Things have proceeded smoothly and on schedule.  I have, indeed, been pleased with the production process --- copyediting, proofreading, and paging.”  The formatting, pictures, charts, graphs, marginal boxes, front matter, and back matter all looked superb.  Indeed, Aptara Corporation and Antima Gupta should be commended for producing a high-quality, attractive, competitive textbook.
- - - - - - - - -
At TechRepublic, Anthony Tardugno has a great essay, “Ten keys to successful outsourcing,” in which he says toward the beginning, “If your company is contemplating or pursuing outsourcing, these 10 keys can help you develop a successful outsource partnership.”

Johanna Rothman has a wonderful essay, “11 steps to successful outsourcing: A contrarian’s view” (September 15, 2003), at the web site computerworld.  She begins her essay saying: “During the past few years, we've been bombarded with news of outsourced call centers, help desks, testing, development, projects and entire IT infrastructures. It sure looks as if outsourcing is the way to go.  Before you jump on the outsourcing bandwagon, ask yourself this question: What's the value of the knowledge your staffers learn in the work you're planning to outsource? That's the value you give up when you outsource”

In his short Ezine essay, “Dealing with outsourcing issues,” Ben Thurman begins by saying, “Outsourcing sounds great in theory but you may find it a bit frustrating. When you run into less than stellar performances when you're expecting to get excellent value for your dollars, you begin to question whether inferior quality is the price to pay for paying less and expecting more. Quality assurance is perhaps the biggest of the outsourcing issues you will encounter in the global outsourcing arena.”
- - - - - - - - -
Copyright February, 2012, by And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C.

Motivate yourself to improve yourself.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom"Self-improvement takes time, effort and commitment.  It is not for the feint of heart.  Our society offers all the distractions and escapist opportunities needed to keep anyone from self-improvement.  To overcome the distractions and escapist opportunities requires three things: 1) a clear need, 2) commitment, and 3) self-discipline. What you need can be yours, but it starts with you."  ---Richard L. Weaver II
  Day #298 - Motivate yourself to improve yourself.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.  This is one of four motivational quotations for Day #298.  

Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday's Essay Preview

The first paragraph of Thursday's essay, "Help! I've been outsourced," reads as follows:


 I was aware of the problems of outsourcing in general, and I had used call centers in Mumbai regarding computer problems.  I had never had any problems with the contacts I made; in all cases, the assistants there solved the problems I had accurately and quickly.  They were well-informed, cordial, respectful, and incredibly efficient.  In general, however, the problems that have been discussed in articles on outsourcing had to do with the reliability and quality of the information. 




Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay

My response to her request for information read: “Things have proceeded smoothly and on schedule.  I have, indeed, been pleased with the production process --- copyediting, proofreading, and paging.”  The formatting, pictures, charts, graphs, marginal boxes, front matter, and back matter all looked superb.  Indeed, Aptara Corporation and Antima Gupta should be commended for producing a high-quality, attractive, competitive textbook.




And Then Some News

The Amish Way: Patient Faith in a Perilous World

The Amish Way: Patient Faith in a Perilous World
By Donald B. Kraybill, Steven M. Nolt, and David L. Weaver-Zercher

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II


Having directed a dissertation on the Amish, I have a good background on Amish ways—especially in Ohio.  Also, I have read other books on the topic as well.

This book is outstanding for a number of reasons.There are at least 14 pages of notes, and 6 ½ pages of references.  Each of the three authors has a Ph.D.  Kraybill is a senior fellow at the Young Center of Elizabethtown College, Nolt is a professor of history at Goshen College, and Weaver-Zercher is a professor of American religious history at Messiah College.  In addition, they are the authors of the very favorably reviewed and successful book Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy, which describes the response to and reaction of the Amish community to the shooting of ten schoolgirls at Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania, in October 2006.  Together, the authors have over 50 years working with the Amish.

All of the above paragraph supports and proves the authors’ credentials—the first reason why this book is outstanding.

The second reason this book is outstanding is that it is superbly written.  The authors tell wonderful, endearing stories that are engaging, insightful, and instructive.  If you have read nothing about or have no experience with the Amish prior to reading this book, you will be enlightened.  If you are part of the secular world, your eyes will be opened in shock and amazement.  Yes, the book is gentle, respectful, sensitive, and understanding, but it discusses a society and a way of behaving that is so contrary to “normal” society that it is scarey.  Fortunately, the authors offer a readable book that is well-crafted and entertaining.

The third reason this book is outstanding is its organization.  It is organized around the topics of spirituality, community, everyday life, Amish faith, and the rest of us.  From the authors’ descriptions and explanations, you get a wonderful picture of the details of Amish life as well as an overview of Amish reality.  Because of the authors’ approach, you come away with a nearly complete look at what it might be like to live in the Amish way.  The rules by which they live, alone, are so specific and detailed that little in their daily life is spontaneous or free.  They are bound by their faith.

The fourth reason this book is outstanding is that it answers many of the questions those who are not Amish ask about them.  For example, do the Amish accept non-Amish converts?  How do Amish adolescents decide to be Baptized?  How are the strict rules of the Amish enforced?  What constitutes infringement of the rules?  Why (and how) is the practice of shunning used?  Why do Amish attend church only every other Sunday? To what degree does the Amish bishop wield authority? How do the Amish view modern society?  Technology?  How do the Amish hold onto their young people who get a taste of the outside world?  What do the Amish do when they move into an electrified home and yet want to strictly follow Amish rules?  So many questions are answered.

The fifth reason this book is outstanding is because it really makes your heart go out for Amish people.  Why?  First, because of the very hard life they live.  Second, because of the many sacrifices they must make.  When you consider all the devices, tools, and equipment we in the secular world have to make our lives easier — with new technology being offered to us on a daily basis — it is just amazing that anyone would or could give it all up to live a simple, faithful life.  

Because of the authors’ manner of presentation, as well as the positive features of this book discussed above, readers cannot help feeling a profound, whole-hearted, and compassionate tenderness regarding the Amish commitment to faith, family, and frugality.  This is a sensational book.

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

There's this blond out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blond on the opposite bank. “Yoo-hoo!,” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?”

The second blond looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, “You ARE on the other side.”

Men should not marry

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

It may not make much sense to you at first, but hear me out.  Allow me to make the argument, and then you be the judge.  The point of this essay is simply that for men, marriage goes against every natural and learned trait they possess and, thus, marriage is (and should be, considering everything) a foreign, unnatural, and improper act, and anyone who expects a marriage between a man and woman to work is dreaming, fantasizing, idealizing, romanticizing, or simply stupid!
   
Let’s begin with the basics — the natural (congenital or inherited) traits men possess.  You can consult the studies, read the books, or simply base your judgment on observation, but the conclusion will likely be the same.  Men are, by nature, unemotional, active, rugged, strong, dominant, leaders, crude, bigger, spontaneous, independent, unwilling to share (uncooperative), adverse to communicating, and have a need to be right.  Women, on the other hand, tend to be emotional, loving, empathic, accepting, positive, quiet, nurturing, loving, attached, respectful, listeners, who are smaller and weaker than men.
   
Now, answer the question: how would you expect those who are naturally strong, dominant, crude, independent, uncommunicative, unwilling to share (uncooperative), and with a need to be right, to be the kind of people who would or even could make a marriage work?  Marriage, for it to work, demands cooperation and communication.  It could even be said to be a sharing existence.  Further, marriage is like a showcase for women’s traits: positivity, empathy, commitment, acceptance, love, and respect.
   
For men, without making major changes or offering significant concessions (“selling out”) or simply learning and demonstrating new traits (it won’t happen!), marriage, for men, cannot work.
   
Turning now from the discussion of “natural traits,” the romantic notion of marriage, of husband and wife sharing ideas, talking out problems, doing things together, and getting along seamlessly, is just that: a romantic notion.  It is fantasy, a delusion.  Let’s take this romantic idea of marriage to a practical, applied level.  It is, I am certain, a romantic notion to have a beautiful wife, smart, attractive, active, healthy children, a home that fulfills every possible dream (or fantasy), and a job that brings in more than enough money  (as well as happiness and fulfillment) to satisfy every need, accommodate every desire, cover any emergency, and provide a life free of difficulty and distress of any kind.  I’m right, aren’t I?  That is truly a romantic notion.
   
And yet, as romantic as that notion is, it is insufficient to make some who possess it happy enough to remain married.  Can you believe it?  Men, basically, are unfit to be married!
   
There are other reasons, too, why men should not marry.  Let’s look at marriage from a very practical, down-to-earth point of view.  It’s an old, tired, well-worn cliche  that when driving men never want to stop and ask for directions.  The underlying cause for this behavior is, 1) a need to be right, 2) a need to do it by themselves (independence), and 3) a need to avoid dependence on others.  All of these underlying causes, when extended to relationship behavior, argue — at their base — against everything a marriage stands for or should be:
    1.    How can you solve problems mutually when men always need to be right?
    2.    How can you make mutual decisions when men always want to do it (make decisions) by themselves (independence)?
    3.    How can you operate on a daily basis with men who have no interest in being dependent on others (any others!)?
   
There are, too, other reasons why men should not marry.  Men are control freaks!  No marriage can last long if the man controls everything.  Unless women are willing to give up total control, unless women are willing to be doormats for all of men’s wants, desires, and needs, and unless women are willing to be totally submissive, marriages cannot work.  Does that sound like any kind of marriage you would want to be part of?  Does that sound like any kind of marriage at all?
   
It is, too, a cliche  that men do not like to communicate — especially when it requires a show of emotion or when it is about a relationship.  If you closely observe male-female relationships in informal settings, you will discover females do most of the talking.  At the PBS (Public Broadcasting) home page, a quotation from the book, Language Myths (Penguin Press), states, studies reviewed by Deborah James and Janice Drakich, conclude that, “Women, it seems, are willing to talk more [than men] in relaxed social contexts, especially where the talk functions to develop and maintain social relationships.”
   
Women’s talk treats subjects that draw people together, promote relationship harmony, and enhance and encourage communication.  Men tend to talk about matters that are not relationship oriented: events, objects, and things.  Just from their conversations alone, it should be clear that men are not naturally oriented to having close relationships with others, becoming emotionally involved, or communicating their feelings.  There is nothing here that would suggest that men are marriage material.  They want partners for sex, but the desire for sex alone is insufficient to sustain a marriage and, too, does not even require marriage.
   
In addition to everything else discussed in this essay, in relationships men are weak and insecure.  If women are unwilling to massage and stroke men’s egos, relationships are unlikely to last.  Can you imagine marriages in which women must spend their time involved in and dealing with men’s feelings: whether they are depressed or hurt, whether they are getting the respect they think they deserve, whether their partner really loves, trusts, needs (you fill in the word here) them?  Such behavior is immature, unnecessary, petty pampering, and yet, men (with their insecurity) require this sort of “affection.”  It is like dealing with babies unable to stand on their own two feet, dependent on silly nurturing, and requiring childish coddling.  Men are not fit to be married.
   
Whether you look at it from the side of male traits, or whether you look at it from the female side and what is necessary on their part to make marriages work (because you cannot depend on men to participate in a marriage!), marriages make no sense for men.  There is nothing that make men compatible with or well suited for the true concept of what marriages are and should be!
- - - - - - - - - -
“Stephen Baskerville, Ph.D., is assistant professor of government at Patrick Henry College and President of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children. His book, Taken Into Custody: The War Against Fathers, Marriage, and the Family, has just been published by Cumberland House Publishing.”  Baskerville has written an essay, “Advice to young men: Do not marry, do not have children” in which he offers another reason men should not marry: divorce (and the divorce laws).

“Top Ten Reasons Not to Get Married” offers these reasons: 1) Marriage is forever, 2) Marriage is the end of taking risks, 3) Marriage often fails, 4) Marriage is the end of sex, 5) Marriage is constant compromise, 6) Marriage is the end of spontaneity, 7) Marriage is just paperwork, 8) Marriage is expensive, 9) Marriage is the end of options, and 10) Marriage will make her let herself go.

My essay, "Women have superior leadership traits" (December 2, 1010) reinforces much of what I have said in this essay with respect to men and women traits. The very characteristics that make women better leaders than men are similar to (if not the same as) those that make them better at relationship maintenance and sustenance. (When you get to the andthensomeworks.com website, click on the "Blog" icon in the top navigation bar.)

- - - - - - - - - - -
Copyright February, 2011, by And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C.

Establish a tone that is yours.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom"Your character and nature are continually observed and felt through the mood, manner, and spirit by which you live your daily life."  ---Richard L. Weaver II   Day #297 - Establish a tone that is yours.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.  This is one of four motivational quotations for Day #297.  

Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday's Essay Preview

The first paragraph of Thursday's essay, "Men should not marry," reads as follows:

It may not make much sense to you at first, but hear me out.  Allow me to make the argument, and then you be the judge.  The point of this essay is simply that for men, marriage goes against every natural and learned trait they possess and, thus, marriage is (and should be, considering everything) a foreign, unnatural, and improper act, and anyone who expects a marriage between a man and woman to work is dreaming, fantasizing, idealizing, romanticizing, or simply stupid!



Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay

Whether you look at it from the side of male traits, or whether you look at it from the female side and what is necessary on their part to make marriages work (because you cannot depend on men to participate in a marriage!), marriages make no sense for men.  There is nothing that make men compatible with or well suited for the true concept of what marriages are and should be!



And Then Some News

Manthropology: The science of why the modern male is NOT the man he used to be

Manthropology: The science of why the modern male is NOT the man he used to be
By Peter McAllister

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II

Wow!  I feel totally feminized and emasculated, and if you are a man and read this book, you cannot come away from it without feeling the same way.  One Amazon.com reviewer put it well: WE SUCK!  What a one-two punch in the gut McAllister delivers here.  This book is not for the feint of heart.

I enjoyed the author’s use of alliteration as he chose titles for each of his chapters: brawn, bravado, battle, balls, bards, beauty, babies, and babes.  There are 8 pages of endnotes and 14 pages of bibliography, leaving 290 pages of text.  I thought McAllister’s addition of dark-gray boxed examples were well-selected, informative, and interesting supplements to the text material.

His use of examples throughout the book is superb and easily hold readers’ attention.  How he went about selecting and then researching his comparative examples is fascinating and certainly reinforces his expertise as both a paleoanthropologist and journalist (he’s an archeologist and science writer from the University of Western Australia).  Having taught there myself some years ago, I can vouch for their high standards and academic credentials.

Now, from reading the book, you get the impression McAllister has it in for men.  That’s the basis for my “one-two punch in the gut” comment above.  If one can accept his selections from ancestorial artifacts (and some certainly may make you questions their relevance—in other words, that he selected some simply to make his point), then I think he makes a good case.  Of course, it is a case I already accept, and McAllister simply reinforces my point of view.  Modern man has gone soft!

If you are simply looking for a “smart, informative, surprising, and entertaining” (from the front flyleaf) book, then this makes a good choice.  I have to tell you, however, in advance, that some of his examples are grisly, gripping, bloody, and stomach-turning.  He minces no words (perhaps he did!), but that is truly what makes this book a good read.  I loved his sense of humor and his tongue-in-the-cheek approach.  He’s a fine writer, and this is a fine book.