"Life is made up of small pleasures. Happiness is made up of those tiny successes. The big ones come too infrequently. And if you don't collect all these tiny successes, the big ones don't really mean anything." --Norman Lear
Day #286 - Look for satisfaction in the little things.
SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits. This is one of four motivational quotations for Day #286.
The first paragraph of the essay, "Must-have Christmas presents," reads as follows: "If you are a regular reader of my blog (posted, too, on Facebook) there are several things you know about me (maybe even more!). First, you know that I am a reader of a wide range of non-fiction books, since I have now posted more than 200 book reviews on the blog. Second, you know that I love quotations and aphorisms and thoughts, which I have collected in a book entitled SMOERs -Self Motivation, Optimism, Encourage Rules: Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living, which has a website all of its own." Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay
"Some of my fondest Christmas memories can be traced back to those times when I unwrapped books. They are wonderful Christmas presents and they create dual memories — one set of memories when they are opened and another set of memories when they are read. Please think about the books in this essay — especially if you have people on your list who are difficult to please, hard to buy for, or just enjoy good books."
Whether you accept his argument, whether you agree with or question the evidence he uses to support his contentions, or whether you have personal experiences that significantly differ from Carr’s, two things you should know about this book on a current and relevant topic include, first, it is well written and organized, and two, it offers a great deal of material for thought, consideration, and discussion. It’s the kind of book I would love to have assigned for a book circle or book club simply because I can see that Carr’s ideas would generate a variety of viewpoints, strong advocates as well as healthy critics, and, certainly, lively discussion.
You don’t have to accept Carr’s premise to enjoy his book. His thesis was effectively stated by Kenneth A. Vatz of Winnetka, Illinois, who writes in his five-star review of the book, “that our increasing addiction to the Internet is not only transforming our minds but physically changing, or rewiring, our brains in such a way as to shorten our attention spans and impair our ability to memorize, think and synthesize.”
This book is important, and it should be read by teachers and students as well as by parents and their offspring. My position is that it is a well-thought-out, well-written, well-researched book that is likely to be the mere tip of the iceberg with respect to this topic, and we will see a great deal more research and writing about it in the future. Carr writes, “When it comes to the quality of our thought, our neurons and synapses are entirely indifferent. The possibility of intellectual decay is inherent in the malleability of our brains” (p. 35). I think there is no question at all that the Internet will have a significant influence on the way we both think and behave, and its pernicious influence is likely to become greater and greater as time goes on. This book, then, becomes the benchmark.
I’m a reader. One of the delights in this book is the contrast Carr offers between reading a book or magazine (it’s "tactile as well as visual” (p. 90).) and reading a Web document (which “involves physical actions and sensory stimuli very different from those involved in holding and turning . . . pages” (p. 90).) His contrast appears on pages 89-98.
For authors, readers of books, creators of e-books, and publishers, Chapter Six, “The Very Image of a Book,” is both an interesting and informative read. The overall thesis, Carr explains, is: “The high-tech features of devices like the Kindle and Apple’s new iPad may make it more likely that we’ll read e-books, but the way we read them will be very different from the way we read printed editions” (p. 104). The chapter goes on to explain the numerous “changes in the way books are written and presented” (p. 105).
In Chapter Seven, “The Juggler’s Brain,” Carr goes on to describe and discuss a similar thesis: “. . . the Internet’s import and influence can be judged only when viewed in the fuller context of intellectual history. As revolutionary as it may be, the Net is best understood as the latest in a long series of tools that have helped mold the human mind” (p. 115). Carr then goes on to answer the crucial question, “What can science tell us about the actual effects that Internet use is having on the way our minds work?” (p. 115)
Just an additional thought. After Carr’s Chapter Nine, “Search, Memory,” he includes three pages (pp. 198-200) entitled, “a digression: on the writing of this book.” Now, as a writer, I found these three pages insightful. I always enjoy it when writers write about the process of writing. Carr says, “When I began writing The Shallows, toward the end of 2007, I struggled in vain to keep my mind fixed on the task. The Net provided, as always, a bounty of useful information and research tools, but its constant interruptions scattered my thoughts and words. I tended to write in disconnected spurts, the same way I wrote when blogging. It was clear that big changes were in order” (p. 198). He says all this as a way of showing what happened when he moved from Boston to the mountains of Colorado where there was no cell phone service, a very slow DSL connection, a canceled Twitter account, a Facebook account put on hiatus, and a shut down blog, RSS reader, skyping, and instant messaging. What happened then is an anecdotal delight — and worth the read.
With respect to the credibility of the ideas in this book, there are over 25 pages of notes and 4 pages of further readings. Throughout the book, readers are provided important, relevant, and highly accomplished researchers and experts as the basis for his observations. His own experiences are offered, but he only uses them to further extend the research and the expert opinions.
With respect to the author’s own credibility, I quote here from his online biography: “Earlier in his career [ before writing his best selling books], Carr was executive editor of the Harvard Business Review and a principal at Mercer Management Consulting.
Carr has been a speaker at MIT, Harvard, Wharton, the Kennedy School of Government, NASA, and the Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas as well as at many industry, corporate, and professional events throughout the Americas, Europe, and Asia. He holds a B.A. from Dartmouth College and an M.A., in English and American literature and language, from Harvard University.”
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said, "Implants?" She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America? Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet
Asked how long he holds a grudge, one fellow replied, “Until hell freezes over.” Another said, it depends on two things: 1) the intent, and 2) the gravity of the situation. Yet another person said, “If the person is an idiot, I simply consider the source and dismiss both the person and the comment or situation.” And the final person asked, said, “I turn the other cheek.” The only reason this topic came up has to do with a father-in-law who never lets grudges die. He doesn’t listen to Diane Sawyer for the national news because she went to work for President Richard Nixon's administration in 1970. At first she served in the White House press office, and after Nixon resigned, she helped him with his memoirs. He can never forgive her and will always hold the grudge and never watch her deliver the national news. He cannot forgive a doctor for coming to an appointment late; he cannot forgive a fellow (a former husband of his granddaughter) because of a belief/theory that he took a lockbox from his home; he cannot forgive a nurse who gave him wrong advice (non-essential). He holds grudges, too, against John McCain not just for his flip-flops on his principles but for bringing us Sarah Palin. He holds more serious grudges against Newt Gingrich because he is a multiple adulterer, a draft dodger, a dead-beat dad, an advocate of family values and yet asking for a divorce while his wife was in the hospital, and his house banking scandal (he bounced 22 checks) — among other things. At one website it says, “Gingrich was apparently dating [Callista] Bisek all during [the] Clinton-Lewinsky adultery scandal, even as he proclaimed family values and bitterly criticized the President for his adultery.” These grudges will never die. There are many reasons we hold grudges according to the Psychology Today website. In an article there, “How to forgive others,” by Alex Lickerman, M.D., six reasons are listed. Mine are adapted from his. First, one reason we hold grudges is that we can’t let go of our anger. Second, we want to satisfy our sense of justice and, thus, we hold the grudge because we believe the offender doesn’t deserve our forgiveness. Third, not to hold a grudge is to condone what the offender did. Fourth, our grudge doesn’t let our offender off the hook without punishment. Our grudge is our personal punishment of our offender. Fifth, to hold the grudge is to harm as we've been harmed. It feels satisfying Sixth, we feel the offender is incapable of good behavior; thus, our grudge reduces the other’s sense of humanness. The grudge prevents us from believing they have any positive characteristics at all. The essential message with respect to holding grudges is that when you hold a grudge you let someone else (the other person) severely influence your thinking and, perhaps, your behavior. It gives the other person too much power, and it diminishes your own power and control. There is a great deal of negative energy involved in holding grudges, thus, it hurts you, not the other person. Holding a grudge serves no good purpose. Now, I’m not saying that there are no reasons for initiating or holding grudges, but how long to hold them has a lot to do with the kind of infraction committed and the importance of the issue to the individual who was wronged. Within relationships, a variety of elements determine the answer to how long to hold them. Think about it. How much relationship history is involved? How much do you value the relationship? How much do you value the other person? How strongly do you feel the other person is committed to the issue? Do you think the other person is likely to change his or her commitment over time? You get the point: there are many issues involved. At the website, TheHappySelf: Personal transformation for thinking people, the essay, “Don’t hold a grudge!” offers six specific steps for getting over grudges through forgiveness. There are many websites with suggestions and guidelines for achieving forgiveness, but I thought these were reasonable and achievable. First, commit to letting go by admitting that you have grudges, and the longer you harbor them the less peace of mind and the more personal misery and suffering. Second, shift your focus by spending your time and energy on happier things. Third, make a grudge list by listing on a sheet of paper every grudge and resentment that occurs to you. Be honest. Now, fourth, confess. Tell a confidante about each of the grudges listed. Not only will this offer relief, but it will make you feel better, too. Fifth, read over your grudges one by one, and say goodbye to each one — goodbye to the misery, pain, and suffering they have caused. Sixth, forgive yourself and move on. Remember, by forgiving yourself and moving on, you are doing something that will benefit yourself by improving, strengthening, and advancing your thinking and behavior. Why? Because constant thinking about the people or events that made you establish the grudge in the first place only heightens the feelings that make you moody, anxious, irritable, and short tempered. Carrying the grudge erodes your best thinking, corrodes your behavior, and wears away your happiness and contentedness. It always helps me to remember that I cannot control the actions of others. To try is to waste valuable time and effort. What I have total control over is my own thoughts and actions. This is power. Thus, if I can stop all the negative thoughts about events, actions, and situations that others have caused, I can stop reliving that hurt and move on. It is important, I have found, to realize I have the choice to move on. I have the power. I just have to remember to exercise the power I have. To answer the question that is the title of this article, no one has cornered the market on how long grudges may be held. The best answer to the question, how long should you hold grudges is another question: How quickly should you dispense with grudges? The answer is clear: as quickly as you can. The essay at TheHappySelf website closes with the comment: “Grudges are the domain of small, petty people, not you, life is too short to be hung up on hate for the whole time that you are here, and being unforgiving may make you feel invulnerable, but it will most definitely cost you happiness in the long run.” Now, all this information comes a little late for my father-in-law mentioned in the opening examples. There is no doubt he will take his grudges to the grave. But, that makes me wonder. He is 97-years-old! Perhaps holding grudges is the key to longevity. - - - - - - - - - - The best website I have discovered on letting go of grudges and forgiveness is the MayoClinic website, on Adult Health. The article there, “Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness, is written by Katherine Piderman, Ph.D., staff chaplain at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., a member of the Mayo Clinic staff. The article covers what forgiveness is, the benefits of forgiveness, why it’s easy to hold a grudge, the effects of holding a grudge, how to reach a state of forgiveness, what happens when you can’t forgive someone, whether or not forgiveness guarantees reconciliation, how to interact with the person who hurt you, what happens when the person you want to change doesn’t, and, finally, Piderman considers the question, “What if I’m the one who needs forgiveness?” This is a great article.
At LiveStrong there is a great deal of information in the essay, “Handling Forgiving and Forgetting,” that covers what is forgiving and forgetting, the negative consequences of the absence of forgiving and forgetting, the signs of the absence of forgiving and forgetting, and the steps to develop forgiving and forgetting in a relationship. - - - - - - - - - - Copyright November, 2011, by And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C.
"Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow." --Doug Firebaugh
"A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow." --George S. Patton
Day #284 - Do something today that will bring a better tomorrow.
SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits. These are two of the four motivational quotations for Day #284.
The first paragraph of the essay, "How long should you hold a grudge?," reads as follows: "Asked how long he holds a grudge, one fellow replied, 'Until hell freezes over.' Another said, it depends on two things: 1) the intent, and 2) the gravity of the situation. Yet another person said, 'If the person is an idiot, I simply consider the source and dismiss both the person and the comment or situation.' And the final person asked, said, 'I turn the other cheek.'”
Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay
"Now, all this information comes a little late for my father-in-law mentioned in the opening examples. There is no doubt he will take his grudges to the grave. But, that makes me wonder. He is 97-years-old! Perhaps holding grudges is the key to longevity."
Harvard Business School (HBS) teaches its business classes by having students read, analyze, and discuss case studies. Bill Murphy is a Harvard graduate, and the reason you need to know this before diving into this book, is that basically, it is three extensive and well-described case studies (of Marla Malcolm Beck, Chris Michel, and Marc Cenedella) tied together with their experiences and how they demonstrate (sometimes purposefully and at other times accidentally) the ten rules of successful entrepreneurship: 1. Make the commitment. 2. Find a problem, then solve it. 3. Think big, think new, think again. 4. You can’t do it alone. 5. You must do it alone. 6. Manage risk. 7. Learn to lead. 8. Learn to sell. 9. Persist, persevere, prevail. 10. Play the game for life.
In each case, you get a beautifully presented explanation of the real life challenges and triumphs of the three entrepreneurs in the eleven odd-numbered chapters, and in the even-numbered chapters, you get Murphy’s key rules of entrepreneurial success that Marla, Chris, and Marc learned along the way (p. 7). It’s an interesting format, but it works well.
Once you meet Marla, Chris, and Marc in Chapter 1 and hear their stories (which sets the stage for the entire book), you will not just become interested in how their lives work out, but their stories, too, will captivate you, and you will quickly become absorbed in this well-written, interesting, and enlightening book.
Whether you are a hopeful entrepreneur, one just starting out, or one who has already plunged forward into entrepreneurship and is fully ensconced, I think you will find this book worthwhile. Having recently established a small publishing company, And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C., I found his information accurate, insightful, and valuable.
It was Vivian Green who said, “Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.” Life presents storms; if we wait for one to pass, inevitably another lurks on the horizon or angrily stomps its way into our lives—not to be overlooked nor avoided. So many factors enter our lives uninvited and, for the most part, unwanted. Think about those in the midst of divorce, out-of-work, financially challenged, taking care of elderly or physically challenged family members, dealing with the death of a parent, child, or spouse, or in other similar traumatic circumstances. The number of potential factors, of course, is overwhelming. Any of them can put our lives on hold, arrest plans, or cause an uncontrollable tailspin, the likes of which we have not previously known. Meanwhile—while the tempest rants, raves, and bellows at our senses—we are at the mercy of its unyielding energy. Meanwhile, too, time ticks away. If we do not learn how to dance in the rain, there may be no time for dancing at all. This essay is not making a case for being carefree, flippant, or nonchalant during times of extreme stress; however, a case needs to be made for not shelving our freedoms, joys, and happiness when such times occur. There still needs to be time for us—for dancing in the rain. Plans can continue, and lives can and must go on—the storms will pass. At TeensHealth from Nemours, the author of the essay, “People React Emotionally and Physically,” writes in the first paragraph, “When coping with a death [or any traumatic circumstance], you may go through all kinds of emotions. You may be sad, worried, or scared. You might be shocked, unprepared, or confused. You might be feeling angry, cheated, relieved, guilty, exhausted, or just plain empty. Your emotions might be stronger or deeper than usual or mixed together in ways you've never experienced before.” Later in this same essay, the author writes, “No matter how you choose to grieve, there's no one right way to do it. The grieving process is a gradual one that lasts longer for some people than others. There may be times when you worry that you'll never enjoy life the same way again, but this is a natural reaction after a loss.” One important point in dealing with the storms that come into our lives is to be mentally and physically strong—learn to dance well before the storms—for it is only in this condition that one can expect to face and weather them effectively. When storms catch us already mentally and physically drained, the challenge can quickly become too much. Exercising, eating right, and getting sufficient sleep provides a strong foundation from which good decisions can be made and appropriate responses and reactions can be offered. Learning to dance in the rain means caring for yourself throughout a storm. There are a number of “understandings” that will assist in the “dance.” For example, realize that you are not being “singled out.” Such traumas (no matter how extreme) happen to everyone, and they are—unfortunately—part of life. To live is to suffer trauma. Do not isolate yourself. Family, friends, and neighbors offer support and encouragement. They are there to fortify a broken spirit, buoy up a grief-stricken heart, and shore up a battered mindset. Isolation is not good. It is the very thing that leads people to severe depressive episodes, and even worse, thoughts of suicide. Permit some cathartic release. Some people find release of their pent-up emotions through talking with others. Talk about your feelings; tell of your emotional connections; relate the story of what has happened to you. Another way to express yourself is through writing. Use your diary or create a daily log of your thoughts and feelings. Some, too, will write a story, article, song, essay, poem, or book. This may become a tribute, or it may simply be a way to find some closure to all that has happened. Do not drop out. Traumas can be so overwhelming they cause some to say, “Why go on at all?” “What difference does living make?” “Now there is no purpose in life.” Devastating should never be the same as destructive. We can be devastated by a traumatic event, but in no way should that be cause for us to drop out or destroy our life. The human spirit is amazingly resilient, and, although it is difficult to fathom it when in the midst of severe trauma, life can have meaning and joy again—if you have learned to dance before and during the storm. At the web site, Mothering Mother and More the essay there by Carol Dodell, “Can you Grieve too Much?” includes the following paragraph about learning to dance in the rain, “Some people can and need to go right back into their jobs and life after a tragedy. It makes them feel normal, safe, that life has some continuity and gives their life meaning. These are good reasons to keep on course, and if that’s what you need, what works for you, then don’t feel guilty or think you’re not showing the proper response of grief just because you can go on with you life.” At LegacyConnect, “How Long Is This Grieving Going to Last?” Dr. Elizabeth Harper Neeld writes, “That the amount of kairos time [‘the time within which personal life moves forward.’] it takes each of us to reach a place where the loss is integrated into our lives but does not dominate our lives is longer than ‘the person on the street’ might suggest. Many folks around us would like for the process to be shorter rather than longer because they are not comfortable with the whole experience of grieving. As a society, we have cultural practices that suggest grieving should be short. (Don’t, for instance, many government workers get three days off when they lose a family member?)” The quotation by Vivian Green, “Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain,” carries great significance and meaning. Those already dancing or preparing themselves to dance are likely to be those in the best position to weather storms. The storms will come. Whether liked, welcomed, or otherwise brought forth, they are part of existence. Those who understand, and take to heart, the meaning of Green’s aphorism will experience life’s pleasures even when ravaged by life’s tempestuous nature. ----- At extension (Ohio state University Extension), the essay there, “Loss and Grief—Activities to Help You Grieve,” adapted from GriefWorks, Sam Quick, Professor Emeritus, Human Development and Family Relations Specialist, Kentucky Cooperative Extension Service, offers twenty excellent practical suggestions that may assist in anyone’s journey of healing and growth.
At a web site labeled Grief and Loss there are three sections: 1) How to recognize the symptoms of Grief, 2) The Tasks of Grief that must be undertaken, and 3) The Stages of Grief. All are good. All offer excellent ideas and suggestions. ----- Copyright November, 2011, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.
"I am learning all the time. My tombstone will be my diploma." --Eartha Kitt
"It's a great pity that things weren't so arranged that an empty head, like an empty stomach, wouldn't let its owner rest until he put something in it." --Olin Miller
Day #283 - Keep learning.
SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits. These are two of the four motivational quotations for Day #283.
The first paragraph of the essay, "How long should you hold a grudge?," reads as follows: "Asked how long he holds a grudge, one fellow replied, 'Until hell freezes over.' Another said, it depends on two things: 1) the intent, and 2) the gravity of the situation. Yet another person said, 'If the person is an idiot, I simply consider the source and dismiss both the person and the comment or situation.' And the final person asked, said, 'I turn the other cheek.'”
Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay
"Now, all this information comes a little late for my father-in-law mentioned in the opening examples. There is no doubt he will take his grudges to the grave. But, that makes me wonder. He is 97-years-old! Perhaps holding grudges is the key to longevity."
It is helpful to know Altman’s credentials before reading this book. First, he is a psychotherapist, second, he is a former Buddhist monk, and third, he is an adjunct professor at Lewis and Clark College Graduate School and Portland State University. Why is it important to know this? Because, throughout the book he successfully and seamlessly blends these three areas of interest and expertise.
Altman tells effective stories, and he tells them well. The book is absolutely loaded with examples.
There are 44 chapters in this in 256 pages of text. That means that, on average, each chapter is less than six pages long. They read quickly. And, too, each chapter includes a simple lesson, activity, or tool that engages readers and gives them an exercise to experience or apply the idea on their own.
Chapter titles will give you an exact idea of the contents of this book. The first section, “The Mind Key,” includes 11 chapters. The second part, “The Body Key,” includes eleven chapters, “The Spirit Key,” includes eleven, and the fourth part, “The Relationship Key,” includes the final eleven.
Because I have a special interest in relationships (I write about them on a regular basis, and I had a college textbook, UNDERSTANDING INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION, that went through 7 editions), let me give you the chapter names in this part: Give Others Your Full Presence, Embrace Silence and Deep Listening, Share Loving-Kindness with Others, Be Genuine and Real, Seek Out Happy and Meaningful Connections, Untie the Knots of Emotional Entanglement, Light Another’s Candle, Attune Yourself to Others, Offer Up Your Nonjudgment and Joy, Cultivate Kind Speech, and Mind Your Relationships. (How can anyone argue against these ideas when it comes to cultivating successful relationships?)
In her review of the book at Amazon.com, I thought Marilyn Dalrymple of Lancaster, California, made a particularly good point. She said the book “is a gentle, but serious reminder that most of us need to take care of ourselves and be concerned and caring toward others.” I love her use of the word “gentle” for not only is it an accurate reflection of Altman’s approach, it is the feeling you acquire as he explains the idea of each chapter, offers examples to clearly define and demonstrate the idea, and then provides the “gentle” guideline readers can use to obtain (or at the least experience) the idea on their own.
Edgar E. Willis took part in Honor Flight on October 5, 2011. Honor Flight Network is a non-profit organization created solely to honor America’s veterans for all their sacrifices. They transport our heroes to Washington, D.C. to visit and reflect at their memorials.
Three generations of his family watched last Wednesday as Mr. Willis and 77 other World War II veterans returned to Toledo, Ohio after spending the day in Washington D.C., touring the memorials and then visiting Arlington National Cemetery on a trip paid for by Honor Flight of Northwest Ohio.
Besides taking part in Honor Flight, at 96, Edgar wrote a memoir about his World War II experience, Civilian in an Ill-fitting Uniform. This memoir does not proceed chronologically but details how a civilian converted into a naval officer reacted to navy life. He found that the first captain of the USS Alaska was a rank incompetent. The second, who commanded the USS Alaska during the battles of Iwo Jima and Okinawa, performed his duties brilliantly. Further, the author found that the navy was governed by some rules that can be described as quaint or illogical. The Alaska suffered only one wartime casualty, but the author was in close proximity to where 300 ships were sunk and thousands of young Americans lost their lives.
Of all of the wars in recent memory, it was World War II that truly threatened our very existence as a nation—and as a culturally diverse, free society. Now, with over one thousand World War II veterans dying each day, our time to express our thanks to these brave men and women is running out.
