How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
When chemists die, they barium.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
PMS jokes aren't funny; period.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen.
The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro - what a rip off!
Friday, November 29, 2013
Friday Humor
Monday, November 25, 2013
The 3rd Alternative: Solving Life’s Most Difficult Problems
By Stephen R. Covey with Breck England
http://www.amazon.com/Languages-Appreciation-Workplace-Organizations-Encouraging/dp/0802461980
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
There is no doubt that Stephen Covey is a fine writer. The book flows smoothly and comfortably, and readers will have no difficulty understanding any of the concepts or ideas here.
Any book designed to help people solve problems, no matter what the context (work, home, school, law, society, or the world) makes a valuable contribution to our society. Too bad the Republicans and Democrats in Congress can’t read this book, learn the basic concepts and truths, then apply them in thier work with each other. The idea that "I’m right, and you’re wrong" never got anyone anywhere when it comes to solving problems and resolving conflicts. Yes, of course, there is a third alternative (a win-win strategy) that will work, and the explanation (through page 85) is clear, useful, practical, and desperately needed.
The value of the application chapters (3-9) is simple. Many readers will only read the application most relevant to themselves, whether it be work, home, school, law, society, or the world, and they are unlikely to read others. What this means is that there must be redundancy and repetition. It can’t be otherwise. Readers really only need to read through page 85 and then select that chapter that fittingly applies to them or to their situation. That, for most readers, becomes a complete offering and all that’s needed.
I have been writing about empathy, listening, group participation and leadership, as well as conflict management for most of my professional life. My book, Communicating Effectively, 10e (McGraw-Hill, 2012), contains my most recent thinking and writing on these topics. I don’t think that Covey offers anything new or startling with respect to synergistic thinking, but what he does is effectively underscore its importance as well as the specific steps necessary for achieving it. This is worthwhile and makes an important contribution to human-relations effectiveness — and success.
What makes this book truly outstanding is the selection of examples. Now, you may get tired of reading them, however, note what I said previously. You don’t need to read every chapter in the book. After reading up to page 85, then read only that one or those that apply to you or to your situation, and you won’t become overwhelmed by the sheer number of examples. They are certainly one of the strengths of the book.
In your life, you will not and cannot avoid conflict. Conflicts are inevitable. Since that is true, the best recourse you have is to learn how to deal with them effectively. Covey provides a useful set of tools, and the more tools we have in our toolbox, the more likely it is that we can resolve the conflicts we face and move on with our life.
http://www.amazon.com/Languages-Appreciation-Workplace-Organizations-Encouraging/dp/0802461980
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
There is no doubt that Stephen Covey is a fine writer. The book flows smoothly and comfortably, and readers will have no difficulty understanding any of the concepts or ideas here.
Any book designed to help people solve problems, no matter what the context (work, home, school, law, society, or the world) makes a valuable contribution to our society. Too bad the Republicans and Democrats in Congress can’t read this book, learn the basic concepts and truths, then apply them in thier work with each other. The idea that "I’m right, and you’re wrong" never got anyone anywhere when it comes to solving problems and resolving conflicts. Yes, of course, there is a third alternative (a win-win strategy) that will work, and the explanation (through page 85) is clear, useful, practical, and desperately needed.
The value of the application chapters (3-9) is simple. Many readers will only read the application most relevant to themselves, whether it be work, home, school, law, society, or the world, and they are unlikely to read others. What this means is that there must be redundancy and repetition. It can’t be otherwise. Readers really only need to read through page 85 and then select that chapter that fittingly applies to them or to their situation. That, for most readers, becomes a complete offering and all that’s needed.
I have been writing about empathy, listening, group participation and leadership, as well as conflict management for most of my professional life. My book, Communicating Effectively, 10e (McGraw-Hill, 2012), contains my most recent thinking and writing on these topics. I don’t think that Covey offers anything new or startling with respect to synergistic thinking, but what he does is effectively underscore its importance as well as the specific steps necessary for achieving it. This is worthwhile and makes an important contribution to human-relations effectiveness — and success.
What makes this book truly outstanding is the selection of examples. Now, you may get tired of reading them, however, note what I said previously. You don’t need to read every chapter in the book. After reading up to page 85, then read only that one or those that apply to you or to your situation, and you won’t become overwhelmed by the sheer number of examples. They are certainly one of the strengths of the book.
In your life, you will not and cannot avoid conflict. Conflicts are inevitable. Since that is true, the best recourse you have is to learn how to deal with them effectively. Covey provides a useful set of tools, and the more tools we have in our toolbox, the more likely it is that we can resolve the conflicts we face and move on with our life.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Friday Humor
BLOND MEN
JOKES
|
A friend told a blond man:
"Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blonde man then said,
"Let's hope it's not the 13th."
------------------------------------------------------------- Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two." ------------------------------------ A woman phoned her blond neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are intimate. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blond man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday." ------------------------------------ A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine." ------------------------------ A blond man goes to the vet with his goldfish. I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me". The blond man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet". ------------------------------------ A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. ------------------------------------ A blond man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No", he shouts, "this is her husband!" ------------------------------------ A blond man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!" ------------------------------------ A blond man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy!" he replies. ------------------------------------ A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blond replies. "It should be around your neck" says the guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe". ------------------------------------ An Italian tourist asks a blond man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blond man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat." -- |
Monday, November 18, 2013
Write your life story: How to organise and record your memories for family and friends to enjoy
By Michael Oke
http://www.amazon.com/Write-Your-Life-Story-Telegraph/dp/1845281330
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
When I first looked at the Contents of this book, I quickly realized that the process Oke discusses is precisely the structure that I intend to follow when I write my own memoir (no date is set, but it is certainly an item on my agenda). There are 16 chapters in this 212-page book (194 pages of content in 15 chapters means an average of about 15 pages per chapter), and Oke begins with, "Why Write Your Life Story?" — an excellent place to begin. (Although the book contains 16 chapters, the 16th contains "Advice from Others...." — about 18 pages of advice.)
"Thinking Things Through" is the title of Oke’s second chapter, and that one is followed by: "Getting Organised," "Planning the Structure," "Considering Alternative Structures," "Preparing to Tell Your Story," "Some Tips and Techniques," "Inspirational Extracts," "Doing Your Research," "Being Ready to Write," "Tackling Difficult Areas,""Revising the Manuscript," "Presentation," "Production," "Publishing," and "Advice from Others Who Have Written."
The advice in this book is specific, practical, and realistic. I liked the way sections were divided up, the many examples, the numerous case studies used to illustrate the text material, as well as the checklists and assignments. There is so much in this book, including a glossary, useful addresses, further reading, and an index.
There is one weakness with the book that Americans need to understand. Look at the title and note the word "organise." That is the British spelling of the word. Oke is a British writer, and the book is published by a British publishing company (), and you see it not only in the spelling of certain words, but I thought the "Further Reading" section was most interesting. 1) Of the 8 books recommended for further reading, half of them were published by How to Books. 2) Of the 11 magazines recommended (although all have websites), they are all British publications.
Here is an example of some of the British oriented text material: "Another source worthy of consideration for the more enthusiastic researcher is the National Newspaper Library in Colindale, London N11. Here you can read through local and national newspapers from decades ago. It is a fascinating place, but worth booking first" (p. 122). (There is no website offered for this source.)
This is a useful source for those thinking about, about to begin, or engaged in writing a memoir (or life story). Why? Because it really covers the essential ideas, offers many different suggestions, and provides additional possibilities that many writers may not think about or may find valuable. It trips synapses that may make you stop and think or may help make your memoir better or more complete. It is a worthwhile assistant — like having a trusted mentor offering hints, recommendations, and counsel that you may not get from any other source.
One overall impression with which I am left is captured in this sentence: "Writing your autobiography is immense fun. . . ." (p. 8). Oke is an enthusiastic advocate of the process, and it is almost as if he is a cheerleader for readers’ ability and their success. If I heard that people were planning to write their life story, this is the kind of book I could and would happily recommend. It is not just a good starting place, it offers the guidance, direction, and information that will help them move from their appropriate starting place to the end of their work.
http://www.amazon.com/Write-Your-Life-Story-Telegraph/dp/1845281330
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
When I first looked at the Contents of this book, I quickly realized that the process Oke discusses is precisely the structure that I intend to follow when I write my own memoir (no date is set, but it is certainly an item on my agenda). There are 16 chapters in this 212-page book (194 pages of content in 15 chapters means an average of about 15 pages per chapter), and Oke begins with, "Why Write Your Life Story?" — an excellent place to begin. (Although the book contains 16 chapters, the 16th contains "Advice from Others...." — about 18 pages of advice.)
"Thinking Things Through" is the title of Oke’s second chapter, and that one is followed by: "Getting Organised," "Planning the Structure," "Considering Alternative Structures," "Preparing to Tell Your Story," "Some Tips and Techniques," "Inspirational Extracts," "Doing Your Research," "Being Ready to Write," "Tackling Difficult Areas,""Revising the Manuscript," "Presentation," "Production," "Publishing," and "Advice from Others Who Have Written."
The advice in this book is specific, practical, and realistic. I liked the way sections were divided up, the many examples, the numerous case studies used to illustrate the text material, as well as the checklists and assignments. There is so much in this book, including a glossary, useful addresses, further reading, and an index.
There is one weakness with the book that Americans need to understand. Look at the title and note the word "organise." That is the British spelling of the word. Oke is a British writer, and the book is published by a British publishing company (
Here is an example of some of the British oriented text material: "Another source worthy of consideration for the more enthusiastic researcher is the National Newspaper Library in Colindale, London N11. Here you can read through local and national newspapers from decades ago. It is a fascinating place, but worth booking first" (p. 122). (There is no website offered for this source.)
This is a useful source for those thinking about, about to begin, or engaged in writing a memoir (or life story). Why? Because it really covers the essential ideas, offers many different suggestions, and provides additional possibilities that many writers may not think about or may find valuable. It trips synapses that may make you stop and think or may help make your memoir better or more complete. It is a worthwhile assistant — like having a trusted mentor offering hints, recommendations, and counsel that you may not get from any other source.
One overall impression with which I am left is captured in this sentence: "Writing your autobiography is immense fun. . . ." (p. 8). Oke is an enthusiastic advocate of the process, and it is almost as if he is a cheerleader for readers’ ability and their success. If I heard that people were planning to write their life story, this is the kind of book I could and would happily recommend. It is not just a good starting place, it offers the guidance, direction, and information that will help them move from their appropriate starting place to the end of their work.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Friday Humor
A father put his 3
year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which
ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and
good-bye Grandpa."
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
Thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!"
The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this, "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
Thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson!"
Friday, November 8, 2013
Friday Humor
Three friends married women from different parts of the country.
The first man married a woman from Alabama . He told her that she
was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but
on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed
and put away.
The second man married a woman from South Dakota . He gave his
wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the
cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he
saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the
dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Virginia . He ordered her to keep
the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot
meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see
anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day,
some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of
his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself
a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when
he pees.
The first man married a woman from Alabama . He told her that she
was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but
on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed
and put away.
The second man married a woman from South Dakota . He gave his
wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the
cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he
saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the
dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from Virginia . He ordered her to keep
the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot
meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see
anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day,
some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of
his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself
a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when
he pees.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Friday Humor
There was a Irish painter named Patrick McGilligan who was very interested in
making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go
a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually
the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of
one of their biggest buildings.
Patrick put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the
job. So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with
turpentine.........
Well, Patrick was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Patrick clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.
Patrick was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried: "Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke..
(you're going to love this)
"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"
"Blessed are the cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light."
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually
the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of
one of their biggest buildings.
Patrick put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the
job. So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with
turpentine.........
Well, Patrick was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Patrick clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.
Patrick was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried: "Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke..
(you're going to love this)
"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"
"Blessed are the cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light."
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