Monday, May 31, 2010

You Were Always Mom’s Favorite! Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives

Book Club... And Then Some!


You Were Always Mom’s Favorite!  Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives 


by Deborah Tannen
 

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


I have cited a number of Tannen’s books in my textbooks, and I have always enjoyed reading them.  With respect to readability, research, and her use of examples, this book is no exception.  


For this book, Tannen writes, “in addition to analyzing transcripts of recorded conversations, I interviewed well over a hundred women about their sisters—women whose ages spanned late teens to early nineties, and who came from a wide range of ethnic, regional, and cultural backgrounds.  Most were American, but some were from other countries.  Americans included Asian-Americans, African-Americans, Indian-, Irish-, German-, and East-European-Jewish-Americans, and so on.  They were straight, gay, deaf, hearing, married, and single.  I made a point of including women of these many backgrounds in order to hear a range of experiences” (p. 5).  

One discovery that interested me—and confirmed observations I have often published in my textbook chapters that discuss relationships—is that “communication is women’s work” (p. 177).  “In many families,” Tannen writes, “communication is women’s work.”  One of the important comments I make to my mail readers who want successful relationships, in a section entitled, “Essential Elements of Good Relationships,” is, “...for partners to continue in a relationship, they must find mutually beneficial ways of communicating” (p. 182, Communicating Effectively, 9th ed. (McGraw-Hill, 2009).  

On the very next page, I write, “Men need to open up more, show their feelings, listen better, and reveal their responses.”  From what I have read in Tannen’s book about what she learned from her interviews, I know she would agree completely with my admonishments.  

The part of the book I found most interesting for me was her final chapter, Chapter 8, “Sisterness: The Good, the Bad, and How to Get More of the Lovely” (pp. 180-203), in which she discusses a number of aspects of communication, especially electronic forms such as Facebook and e-mail.  

Whether or not the book is valuable for sisters—insightful or useful—you can read the reviews for yourself.  Most reviewers found the book both helpful and insightful. One reviewer said, “Every woman with a sister should find examples that she can identify with. I plan on giving both of my sisters copies of the book.”  Just to balance the scale somewhat, another reviewer said, “Seemed like Tannen was trying to put some sort of organization or categorization on those relationships, but couldn't quite pull it off. The stories are so individual that it is difficult to make any meaningful generalizations. Interesting -- sure -- but not a particularly compelling or cohesive read.”
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Get this book at Amazon.com
You Were Always Mom’s Favorite!  Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives

Friday, May 28, 2010

Friday's Laugh... And Then Some!

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back.

He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet
From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Spring 2010


Thursday, May 27, 2010

The pursuit of happiness

"’Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness ‘ is one of the most famous phrases in the United States Declaration of Independence. These three aspects are listed among the ‘inalienable rights’ of man.”  So begins the entry entitled “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” at Wikipedia.org.   I wonder if most people think this is an inalienable right and, thus, should be handed to them (on a silver platter), or, does this free each individual to engage in an ephemeral [anything lasting for a very short time] search for emotional fulfillment? 

What is happiness?  “Happiness is an emotion associated with feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense joy,” according to Wikipedia.  The Wikipedia definition goes on to explain the various approaches taken toward defining and explaining happiness whether they be philosophical, religious, psychological, or biological and to identify its sources.  Most of us don’t need to understand such approaches; most of us know what happiness is and, too, how good it feels to have it when it occurs. 

“Research,” according to Wikipedia, “has identified a number of correlates with happiness. These include religious involvement, parenthood, marital status, age, income, and proximity to other happy people.”  What works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another and, sometimes, you can possess all of the correlates and still not be happy!  You may ask, “What’s that all about?

I know of a person, for example, who wallows in unhappiness.  He has constructed an unhappy life for himself, and he actually works at making life miserable for those around him.  Victories and successes (if they occur) are always tainted with “Yes, but..,” “Well, if I had only..., or, “Consider the source” — always diminished, lessened, moderated, or dismissed by a cynical, disparaging, demeaning, or denigrating comment.  He is ruthlessly morose, recklessly gloomy, unconscionably despondent, and, otherwise, ill-tempered and irritable. 

At Stepcase Lifehack, there is an essay entitled, “9 Tips in Life that Lead to Happiness,” and after making it clear to yourself what it is that will bring happiness, Leon Ho offers 8 other tips: 1) “Make a plan for attaining goals that you believe will make you happy.” 2) “Surround yourself with happy people.”  3) “When something goes wrong try to figure out a solution instead of wallowing in self pity.”  4) “Spend a few minutes each day thinking about the things that make you happy.”  5) “It’s also important to take some time each day to do something nice for yourself.  6) “Finding the humor in situations can also lead to happiness.”  7) “Maintaining your health is another way to achieve happiness.” 8) “Finally, it is important to understand that you deserve happiness.”  

At the Dumb Little Man: Tips for Life website, David B. Bohl has written an essay entitled, “Four Steps to Achieve Happiness, Fulfillment, and Success in Your Life,” in which he says: 1) Visualize where you’ve been in your life, 2) Take responsibility for your actions, 3) Learn all you can in life, and 4) Appreciate what others bring into your life. 

The “On Not Being a Sausage” website, Diedre Good has written an essay, “How to Achieve Happiness,” in which she briefly discusses the program for happiness followed by “the happiest person in the world,” (labeled that by the BBC), Matthieu Ricard, a Buddhist monk.  “First, a sense of direction is very important,” Good writes.  “A sense of flourishing comes from inside, where the mind translates all the circumstances. This gives inner strength and freedom. Genuine happiness comes from altruistic love, inner peace, and not on external circumstances such as things that give us pleasure like meals with friends. Putting hopes and fears outside of us is ultimately disappointing.” 

Good goes on to say, “Cultivate inner love and peace and genuine compassion. This involves training....”  “Of course the mind will wander, but bring it back gently without recrimination. Our aim is to practice compassion and wisdom. Wisdom is so as to free others from suffering....‘  “We learn to deal with negative toxins or emotions. Look at anger and stop fueling it as if it were a fire and it will vanish....”    And Good concludes by saying, “When the brain is practicing loving kindness, it generates positive emotions.” 

At one website, Solve Your Problem.com, Jeff Cohen, in his essay, “How Do You Achieve Happiness...Really?” says happiness appears as easy to achieve as changing your attitude: “Be happy, thankful, and contented. Count your blessings now. You will be surprised at how much has already been given and provided to you. 

“Pay attention and focus on your blessings. Be thankful of the small things in life. Be happy that you wake up each day and see the sunrise. Be happy that you have a comfortable bed, nutritious food on the table, a reliable car that you use to go to the office, and family or friends around you. Appreciate the things that you usually take for granted and feel instant happiness. Do this first thing in the morning and the rest of the day will be bright..” 

When you enter “how to achieve happiness?” (without the quotation marks) in the Google search window, you will get over 500,000 websites with suggestions that range from meditation to books on happiness, from serving others to living honorable and true, from pursuing Truth to developing compassion.  The point isn’t the number of websites nor the specific suggestions, the point is that wherever you are in life, whatever your circumstances, numerous suggestions and a great deal of advice is available at the click of your mouse. 

To say, “I just don’t know how to be happy,” is a comment that reeks of naivete.  Nobody is going to hand you happiness, and nobody can make you happy.  It is an internal process over which you have complete control.  All you have to do now is make yourself happy! 

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At Life Optimizer, Donald Latumahina has written an essay entitled, “Finding Happiness: 20 Ways to Achieve Happiness in Life.”  His 20 suggestions are practical and realistic

 At Ezine articles.com , there is a terrific, short essay, by Rebecca Olkowski, “3 Survival Tips to Achieve Happiness When You Are Living With Negativity,” in which she suggests: 1) Get help immediately, 2) Work to achieve your own happiness, and 3) Work on your inner happiness. 

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Copyright May, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Day #187 - Resist the temptation of doing nothing

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"Life is inherently risky. there is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing." ---Denis Waitley

Day #187 - Resist the temptation of doing nothing. 

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The pursuit of happiness - Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview

And Then Some Publishing News

How to achieve and support relationship rules is what the book, Relationship Rules: For Long-Term Happiness, Security, and Commitment, is all about. There are numerous suggestions, steps, and additional ideas that will motivate, encourage, and challenge relationship partners. Relationship Rules is available at Amazon.com.

The books Richard L. Weaver II enjoys reading offer a look at the truth. One of the reviewers of Willis's book said, “While some veterans would be content to simply remember through a haze essay of rose-colored reflections, Dr. Willis clearly reports the truth as he knows it.” Civilian In an Ill-Fitting Uniform: A Memoir of World War II, by Edgar E. Willis, reports the truth—unvarnished as it may be. The book is available right now from Amazon.com.

See more book reviews every Monday:
 Book Club... And Then Some!

Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:

Thursday’s essay is called, “The pursuit of happiness.” If you are an unhappy person, or if you are generally happy but have long stretches of unhappiness, the suggestions in this essay (not all of them my own!), will help you. Notice that in the excerpt from the essay that follows, happiness is a choice, and you can make the choice to be happy if you want to.  
The pursuit of happiness
When you enter “how to achieve happiness?” (without the quotation marks) in the Google search window, you will get over 500,000 websites with suggestions that range from meditation to books on happiness, from serving others to living honorable and true, from pursuing Truth to developing compassion.  The point isn’t the number of websites nor the specific suggestions, the point is that wherever you are in life, whatever your circumstances, numerous suggestions and a great deal of advice is available at the click of your mouse.  To say, “I just don’t know how to be happy,” is a comment that reeks of naivete.  Nobody is going to hand you happiness, and nobody can make you happy.  It is an internal process over which you have complete control.  All you have to do now is make yourself happy!


And Then Some Works!

Monday, May 24, 2010

The Language of Life: DNA and the Revolution in Personalized Medicine

Book Club... And Then Some!

by Francis Collins
 

 Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


Before I was a speech-communication major in college—and since I was in the ninth grade in junior-high-school, I might add—I wanted to be a doctor.  Most of my courses in high school and early college were all science courses.  My interest in science did not wear off, and when I graduated from the University of Michigan, I had to make general science a minor since I had had so many courses in the area, and my graduation would have been delayed for at least a year if I had to pick up a new minor.  All this is explanation for my love of science and, thus, of this book. 

Collins has written a science book on DNA for the masses, and I absorbed the information like a sponge in water.  It is a terrific read not just for Collins’ unbelievable knowledge, the revealing and interesting examples cited, the comfortable, readable, and friendly writing style, or even the specific detail he offers: “The best-understood genes are those that code for protein.  This process involves first making an RNA copy of the DNA; that RNA is then transported to the ribosome ‘protein factories’ in the cytoplasm, where the letters of the RNA code are translated into the amino acids used by proteins....This translation is carried out using a triplet code word; for example, AAA in the RNA codes for the amino acid lysine, and AGA codes for arginine” (p. 7).  Most of the language is not of this style and not nearly as complex. 

But, getting back to my point about why the book is a terrific read.  The book is a terrific read because of how it relates to us all.  Collins writes: “The consequence of all this progress is that a new science has appeared at the very center of biology and medicine: you could call it DNA cryptography.  We’ve intercepted a highly elaborate message of critical importance for the future of the human species” (p. 13).  To drive this point home for every reader, Collins says, “Family health history turns out to be the strongest of all currently measurable risk factors for many common conditions, incorporating as it does information about both heredity and shared environment” (p. 14). 

The book is as reader-friendly as a science book can be.  At the end of nine of his ten chapters, Collins has included a box entitled, “What you can do now to join the personalized medicine revolution,” which offers specific methods for readers to take responsibility for their lives.  If you think you may have trouble with some of the language, there is an eight-page glossary to assist you.  Also, numerous figures help in explaining concepts. 

This is a great book written by the Director of the National Institutes of Health who spent fifteen years as director of the National Human Genome Research Institute at the National Institute of Health.  Collins was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2007, and the National Medal of Science in 2009.  The book is copyrighted 2010.
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Get this book at Amazon.com
The Language of Life: DNA and the Revolution in Personalized Medicine

Friday, May 21, 2010

Friday's Laugh... And Then Some!

State trooper pulled over a pickup truck on I-65 in Tennessee.
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet
From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Spring 2010

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Looking back over my lifetime, these have been my “eureka” moments

Being a writer I have spent many hours looking back over my life.  It hasn’t been a question of what I would do differently as much as a situation of analyzing and writing about what took place.  It is more about establishing historical markers than about mentally reconstructing the past— although, I admit, I do a little of both.  In this essay I want to highlight those events in my life that did not just happen but that changed the way I did things.  They are my “eureka” moments.

I am aided in my quest by an article in USA Today (May 20, 2007), by Byron Acohido, Jim Hopkins, Jefferson Graham, and Michelle Kessler entitled “25 years of ‘eureka’ moments.”  In their article, they present and briefly discuss the top 25 life-changing inventions. 

Now, I have to admit — although I don’t like doing this — that I am slow to change.  I prefer my comfort zones because they are safe, secure, and require no new learning.  For me, my comfort zones protect my routines, plans, methods, customs, and habits.  When my pattern is predictable, I do not have to spend time thinking about how to do something; all I have to do is plug in the new content.  I like my typical, everyday, commonplace activities, and I protect them. 

This admission — that I’m slow to change — will explain why much of the technology that has been introduced over the past 25 years has not taken root in my activities.  For example, some of the top “life-changing inventions” according to the authors of the USA Today article, are not included in my list: cellphones (my wife and I have them, even though I seldom use mine), laptop computers (because I am not “on the road” for my work, and I do not take a computer with me on vacations), and blackberrys, iPods, iPads, or any similar devices. (Unlike Barack Obama, I have no need for a mobile e-mail device nor the bells and whistles (apps) they offer, since I spend most of my time at home writing at my desktop computer).   

These were the authors’ top three “eureka” moments.  Others were iPods (the iconic portable digital music player), digital cameras, flat-panel TVs, online stock trading, TiVo (the digital device that allows subscribers to record their favorite TV shows and to view them without advertisements), home satellite TV, and karaoke.  None of these, too, make my list, although I have to say that may not be true in the future.  

When I wrote this essay, blogging was not part of my life.  Now, I have to include blogs and blogging as a eureka moment because it is currently part of AndThenSomeWorks.com, a website (that did not exist when I originally wrote this essay) that promotes and discusses products (primarily books) designed for sale by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.   I was brought (kicking and screaming) into this aspect of new technological developments — but only when dragged in at the hands of concerned family members!  As a “eureka” moment, it now falls somewhere within the list offered below. 

Here, then, is a list of my “eureka” moments over my lifetime.  Interestingly, the first four are technology related.  I list them in order, and I offer a brief discussion of their importance to me as justification for their inclusion on my list. 

The first and most influential “eureka” moment in my lifetime was, indeed, technology oriented.  It was the invention of the Word Processor which allowed me, as a writer, to move from a typewriter to a computer screen. For me, this occurred in 1985. And in that change the three most important aspects involved, first, the ability to easily move large pieces of information from place to place within a manuscript (“cut and paste”), the ease of pressing on the keys to get an impression, and, third, the ability to produce an error-free manuscript. 

The second most influential “eureka” moment in my lifetime was also technology related.  It was the invention of the Internet.  Yes, it has value as an important entertainment alternative, and, yes, it yields tremendous benefits in maintaining contact with others.  For me, however, the most important feature is its use in researching (searching out) ideas and information.  Never before has so much information been so available so quickly. 

The third most influential “eureka” moment, also technology related, had a direct, but secondary, effect on me.  PowerPoint changed public speaking forever.  Although I have never made use of it, I have had to write about it in all of my communication textbooks; thus, I had to learn it well enough to explain it to readers.  Because it allows speakers from CEOs to sixth-graders, to display topic headings, charts, and animation with the click of a mouse, it has become not just a dominant, but an overwhelming, force in presentational public speaking. 

Because I love moview, the fourth most influential “eureka” moment is the invention of DVDs.  As DVDs were being released, and as my family rented them for home viewing, I watched in the rental venues as DVDs slowly acquired more space, and the space devoted to VHS rentals plummeted.  Then DVDs began to fade as direct downloading of movies took place.  A whole generation of technology swept through like a brisk wind. 

A related invention, CDs, also had a major influence.  I had a very large (500 plus) collection of 45s, and my LPs numbered close to 500 hundred as well; thus, replacing my collection with CDs took some time; however, I have now acquired most of the recordings I am interested in.  Then my wife bought me a music center which allowed me to transfer my LPs to CDs, and now my CD collection far surpasses that of my former record collections—and is soon likely to be replaced by MP3s (but only after a great deal more kicking and screaming). 

For my fifth “eureka” moment, it took me awhile to finally convert, but it happened suddenly on one of our many vacations.  Instead of pumping gas then proceeding into the station to pay the cashier, I used my credit card at the pump.  The saved time is what affected me most, but the ease of the process, too, convinced me that my fifth most influential “eureka” moment had to be the invention of “pay at the pump.” 

Lettuce in a bag is my sixth most influential “eureka” moment.  My wife and I eat a lot of salads.  When the garden isn’t producing lettuce, we depend on lettuce in a bag.  The variety is outstanding, the quality is superb, and the cleanliness has been proven over and over. 

My seventh “eureka” moment—and most recent—is microwaveable popcorn.  What’s odd about this choice is that I wrote an earlier essay on popcorn in which I talked about how I prepare and season it.  The problem is the time it takes to do that.  When I am writing, have other tasks to complete, and feel pressured to produce, I find microwaveable popcorn to be a godsend.  It is tasty, nutritious, and fast— pops entirely during one commercial break!  (As I updated this essay for current posting, I have to admit that several weeks ago I purchased another 50-pound bag of popcorn kernels—so, even though I sometimes use microwave popcorn, I kick and scream and cook it the old-fashioned way as much as I can.

It was Archimedes, the Greek mathematician, physicist, and engineer who, having made a discovery or created a new machine, forgot himself and ran around the town, butt naked, shouting “Eureka! Eureka!”  I never ran around shouting “Eureka! Eureka!,” but I kick and scream a lot.  It’s amazing how drums seldom beat and bugles never blare, but the effect is the same; the effect of these changes, alone, has been immeasurable.  

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What are the top ten eureka moments in history?  Find them listed and discussed at the Science Channel website, .  It states, “... These stories represent times when inspiration struck like a bolt out of the blue and the world was changed by that eureka... that, or these scientists are just the ones with the best P.R.”  They are: 1) special relativity, 2) alternating current, 3) nerve impulses transmitted chemically, 4) Archimedes and the Golden Crown, 5) television, 6) PCR (the way a small amount of DNA can be exponentially amplified), 7) coordinate geometry, 8) microwave oven, 9) Velcro, and 10) Post-It Notes.  Don’t agree?  What would you add or subtract from the list? 

At the Newsweek website ,   Sharon Begley has a terrific essay on how the brain produces these “Eureka” moments, entitled, not surprisingly,  “Eureka! How the Brain has 'Aha' Moments.” 

Want to read the article that spawned my essay?  Read, “Twenty-five Years of Eureka Moments,” at USA Today . 

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Copyright May, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Day #186 - Never forget those who helped you get where you are

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it." ---Ralph Marston

Day #186 - Never forget those who helped you get where you are. 

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Thursday Essay Preview and a Book on Relationships

And Then Some Publishing News

Find out more about what And Then Some Publishing has to offer help Find a Cure to breast cancer:
Now through May 31, 2010 buy any of And Then Some Publishing's 8 books through Amazon.com and donate up to $8 of each book sold!

How to achieve and support relationship rules is what the book, Relationship Rules: For Long-Term Happiness, Security, and Commitmentis all about. There are numerous suggestions, steps, and additional ideas that will motivate, encourage, and challenge relationship partners.
The books Richard L. Weaver II enjoys reading offer a look at the truth. One of the reviewers of Willis's book said, “While some veterans would be content to simply remember through a haze essayof rose-colored reflections, Dr. Willis clearly reports the truth as he knows it.” Civilian In an Ill-Fitting Uniform: A Memoir of World War II, by Edgar E. Willisreports the truth—unvarnished as it may be.

See more book reviews every Monday:
 Book Club... And Then Some!

Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:

Thursday’s essay is called, “Looking back over my life, these have been my 'eureka' moments.” I'm simply taking a moment (a slight recess) to review some of the events that changed my life forever.

Looking back over my life, these have been my 'eureka' moments
by Richard L. Weaver II 

Excerpt:
Being a writer I have spent many hours looking back over my life.  It hasn’t been a question of what I would do differently as much as a situation of analyzing and writing about what took place.  It is more about establishing historical markers than about mentally reconstructing the past— although, I admit, I do a little of both.  In this essay I want to highlight those events in my life that did not just happen but that changed the way I did things.  They are my “eureka” moments.


And Then Some Works!

Monday, May 17, 2010

$8 donation to Susan G. Komen?

And Then Some Publishing News

Spread the word... And Then Some Publishing, LLC is donating up to $8 per book sold through Amazon.com! Our crazy promotion starts now! 

Now through May 31, 2010 buy any of And Then Some Publishing's 8 books through Amazon.com and donate up to $8 of each book sold!

Really?

We have some great books we want you to read. Shall we get a little crazy? I think we shall. And Then Some Publishing has eight great books and we want you to give us a shot. So we'll be tempered crazy. Start with the book that began everything.. And Then Some Book 1 and the fantastic writing by Richard L. Weaver II.  See how we've matured through Relationship Rules and Special Delivery, by Lynne Hall and Anthony Weaver.

One can beg the question - How much are are we giving to Susan G. Komen per book?

Here's the answer:
Give us a shot... Buy our books by My 31, 2010 and And Then Some Publishing is donating most of our proceeds to Find a Cure. Try our books with the confidence you know you're giving to a GREAT cause! Check out how much your giving per book...

Now through May 31, 2010: Give HUGE money to Find a Cure!!!

$5 of every Special Delivery book sold goes to Find a Cure 
 
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Bright-sided: How the relentless promotion of positive thinking has undermined America

Book Club... And Then Some!

Bright-sided: How the relentless promotion of positive thinking has undermined America
 
by Barbara Ehrenreich


 Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.



In this 235-page book with 16 pages of notes, Ehrenreich, author of 16 previous books and a previous columnist at The New York Times and Time magazine, offers a rich and compelling read about the false promises of positive thinking.  


First, those reading this review must know that I am completely biased in Ehrenreich’s favor—even though I am guilty of what she is accusing others of doing.  Before supporting my bias, I have to admit that I have been lecturing to thousands of students a loud, clear, and upbeat message about how positive thinking (along with valuable communication skills, of course) is a well-paved, proven road to success.  Also, anyone who reads my blog will know that many of my Thursday essays (and books of essays—see especially, You Rules—Caution: Contents Leads to a Better Life!) support a strong belief in positive thinking.  

You might wonder, then, why I would be biased in Ehrenreich’s favor, because, she thinks it has undermined America.  But, if you read her book you will understand my bias.  I delighted, for example, in the debunking she gave to Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Robert Schuller, and, especially, Joel Osteen and his wife Victoria.  The story she tells of visiting one of Osteen’s services is truly interesting—even delightful.  

Also, she writes about the etymology of positive psychology because of the publication and popularity of Martin Seligman’s books (especially, for example, Learned Optimisim)—something I had only heard about previously and knew little about.)  The unfolding of the Seligman story held my interest, and the details of her interview with Seligman was sheer delight, as was the connection of Seligman’s Positive Psychology Center with Sir John Templeton (p. 166). 

If you would take the time to examine our culture as closely as Ehrenreich has, you would quickly come to the same conclusion she has, that we have produced a huge supply of successful religious and secular charlatans who, under the guise of instruction, simply want to separate you from your money.  There is a great Woody Allen line from the movie, “Hannah and Her Sisters,” which says, “If Jesus came back and saw what they were doing in His name, He’d never stop throwing up.”  

In this book, Ehrenreich traces the origins of the “cult of optimism” from its origins in 19th century America through to the prevalence of the “gospel of prosperity,” “positive psychology,” and the “science of happiness” in academia and literature.  We are amidst a society of “irrational exuberance,” and it is precisely for this reason that Ehrenreich’s book is a must read.  

This book is not a downer at all.  The question she raises, “Why are we so relentlessly positive?”—even when positivity is unwarranted—is a legitimate one.  The bottom line for readers is worthwhile and should stop many dead-in-their-tracks: Are we not too accepting?  Are we not critical enough?  

Ehrenreich's scholarship is impressive, the stories are fascinating, and the book is badly needed, but it will be valuable only if it truly changes attitudes and shapes minds.

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Get this book at Amazon.com How the relentless promotion of positive thinking has undermined America

Friday, May 14, 2010

Friday's Laugh... And Then Some!

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more catholic churches than casinos.

Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet
From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Spring 2010


Thursday, May 13, 2010

How to build a personality from the ground up

by Richard L. Weaver II

He came to me early in the first semester after graduating from high school. He was exactly what one might characterize as a “nerd,” “computer geek,” “dork,” “dweeb,” or “techie.” Charles had his own label: “loser.” He had been assigned as my advisee because as a top, highly skilled debater in high school, he sought to capitalize on his speech-communication prowess by becoming a politician, lawyer, minister, or teacher. With his background and skill, the choice was clearly his; however, he had a serious problem, and he knew it. He had no friends, and what he needed the most was a “personality makeover” — some kind of transformation or overhaul that would make him well liked (affable, amiable, genial, charming, appealing, delightful, and good-natured).


As a speech-communication advisor, I had never worked with someone like Charles, but I found him fascinating and the refurbishment he sought a challenge. The first thing I told him was that entering college was, perhaps, one of the best times in life to make major personality changes. He could leave his high school persona behind as well as all those who knew him then, and he could now construct — from whatever foundation he chose — the personality that would not only please him but the personality, too, that would best serve his future interests and goals.


How do you begin to build a new personality from the ground up? It is actually a simpler process than what one might imagine; however, there are two prerequisites. First, one needs a completely new situation. It’s a little like sitting next to a stranger on an airplane or chatting with one on the Internet — a person you know you’ll never see again — and supplying the kind of information and details that cause the other person to form a complimentary, praiseworthy, and totally favorable opinion of you. Second, you need a whole set of new acquaintances who have no ties or relationships to your former persona. What these new acquaintances must only hear and see is “the new you.”


There is an important principle that underlies this remodeling scenario. The “self” is a socially constructed entity. That is, we learn about our self through the eyes of others. It is others who provide the specific information and knowledge we use as we put together our concept or perception of our self. That is exactly how Charles learned, for example, that people do not like nerds, geeks, dweebs, dorks, and techies. He had no friends, but he knew why.


So, where did I start? Although I did not have the help of Scott Ginsberg when assisting Charles, Ginsberg’s book, The Power of Approachability (Front Porch Productions, 2005), offers excellent advice that permits people to begin at the ground floor. There is nothing earth shattering in the book, however, one must have a place to begin, and if the intent is to build a new self, and if the self is socially constructed, then one must assume the responsibility of establishing the social connections through which new information and knowledge will be channeled.


The first thing Charles needed to do was make a major change in the way he approached others — all others. It required an attitude readjustment. No longer could Charles blame others for not liking or approaching him. Now, the responsibility was entirely his. Entirely! No matter what the basic motivation for engaging others — to help them, learn from them, relate to them, influence them, or play with them — Charles must be ready to engage them, and there are a number of ways to do it:


—Encourage people to break their silence with you by opening with a question.

—Identify and amplify others’ names to make them feel appreciated and connected with you.

—Use humor. Because humor disarms people, find something funny in the situation or about yourself that you can use to make them laugh or smile.

—Find information. Is there information others have that would help you or that you can find out from them?

—Depend on your own knowledge. Is there any information or knowledge you have that you can offer others that would in some way help, assist, benefit, encourage, stimulate, or facilitate the situation?


You can’t stand on the sidelines and expect others to take the initiative. It may require that you think outside the box — outside what is expected, believed, thought, or assumed. Often, if a connection is to be made, someone must be willing to break the ice, disturb the flow, or change the expectations. Having information and knowledge, of course, is a good way to do this.


The second thing Charles needed to do was to make himself accessible and easy to deal with. Because of his background and upbringing, he tended to present a rather formal, staid, and dignified presence. This certainly aided him when debating. But that demeanor conveyed to others that he was aloof, reserved, remote, detached, and unapproachable. This wasn’t an easy change for Charles to make. I suggested that Charles play the role of a relaxed, comfortable, easygoing person who was open, friendly, unpretentious, unstuffy, and casual. I told him that by playing the role, many of these characteristics would stick and become natural and comfortable.


The third thing Charles needed to do was become friendly and ready to listen to others. Because he was extremely well-informed and knowledgeable, seldom was Charles at a loss for words; however, this trait got him into trouble. Others found communicating with him difficult, to say the least. Jean De La Bruyere, the French essayist and moralist said it best, “The great gift of conversation lies less in displaying it ourselves than in drawing it out of others. He who leaves your company pleased with himself and his own cleverness is perfectly well pleased with you.”


Friendliness is always two-way. That is, to have a friend, you must be a friend. Once again, Charles had to break from his standard operating procedure. He had to show others he cared, build trust with them, remind others that talking with him was worth it, trigger others’ psychological need to be included, and draw others to him with surprising, honest, appealing, memorable and fun answers that personified his new attitude by expediting interaction and creating engaging conversation.


Charles saw changes immediately, liked the results, and continued his program of growth, development, and change. He had built a new, positive, outgoing personality from the ground up.


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At ezinearticles.com, there is a terrific essay by Christina Sponias, entitled, “How to build your personality,” in which she offers great advice and numerous suggestions.


If you are looking for practical suggestions that you can adopt and use immediately, visit “Personality Development.”


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Copyright March, 2009 by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Day #185 - Engage in careful planning

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"Before anything else, preparation is the key to success." ---Alexander Graham Bell

Day #185 - Engage in careful planning. 

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

ALL PROCEEDS of each book sold beyond $1.00 goes to Find a Cure

And Then Some Publishing News

And Then Some Publishing has added lots of Facebook links to our websites. We haven't completed the project, however at SMOERs.com you can share the first 30 days of inspiring quotes and at RelationshipRulesWorks.com you can share the painting of the cover on Facebook. The cover painting is a must see and the book? Relationship Rules... What could be more important than working to develop a more positive self — one of the cornerstones for relationship success?

Have you heard? This week, from May 10, 2010 through May 16, 2010 buy any of And Then Some Publishing, LLC's eight books through Amazon.com and we will donate ALL PROCEEDS of each book sold beyond $1.00. Proceeds beyond $1 are donated to Susan G. Komen - Find a Cure to breast cancer.

Let's keep it simple:
Buy any of And Then Some Publishing's 8 books and ALL PROCEEDS beyond $1 goes to Find a Cure... and your purchase could donate over $5 to breast cancer research.*

Click the links below and find out more information on all our books:
Pick any book and help Find a Cure:
Civilian in an Ill-fitting Uniform: A memoir of World War II
Special Delivery: A baby memory book for boys or girls
Relationship Rules: For long-term happiness, security, and commitment
SMOERs: Delicious quotes to help you get through your day
Public Speaking Rules: All you need for a GREAT speech!
You Rules: Caution - contents leads to a better life
And Then Some Book 1: Essays to entertain, motivate, and inspire!







Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
How to build a personality from the ground up
by Richard L. Weaver II




Thursday’s essay, “How to build a personality from the ground up,” is an essay that focuses on personality development. Whether you are just starting out or looking for a complete make-over, this essay has practical and worthwhile suggestions that you can begin using at once.

Excerpt:
How do you begin to build a new personality from the ground up? It is actually a simpler process than what one might imagine; however, there are two prerequisites. First, one needs a completely new situation. It’s a little like sitting next to a stranger on an airplane or chatting with one on the Internet—a person you know you’ll never see again—and supplying the kind of information and details that cause the other person to form a complimentary, praiseworthy, and totally favorable opinion of you. Second, you need a whole set of new acquaintances who have no ties or relationships to your former persona. What these new acquaintances must only hear and see is “the new you.”



And Then Some Works!

*And Then Some Publishing, LLC book proceeds vary per book. Donations to Susan G. Komen are calculated per each book sold. Depending on which And Then Some Publishing, LLC book is purchased, your donation can vary from approximately $2.00 to over $5.00.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Comedy at the Edge: How Stand-up in the 1970s Changed America

Book Club... And Then Some!

(Just an aside here. This is the 100th book I have reviewed for Bookworks.com. That shouldn’t come as a complete shock if you have been keeping up with the Andthensomeworks.com blog or are reading the blog on Facebook. It is a milestone only in that the century mark is often considered such. For me, it has happened rapidly even though it has evolved over time. Whether you are aware or not, my review of books serves a dual purpose. First, it alerts readers/followers to various books and my reaction to them. Second, it provides a continuing resource for information and ideas that I can use in my regular revisions of my college textbook, COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY, 9th ed. (McGraw-Hill, 2009. I am always on the lookout for new material, and books have supplied such a wealth of evidence and supportive substance that my quest has never subsided—and must not dwindle as long as revisions remain on the horizon. How many more revisions there will be does not depend on me or my decisions as much as it depends, of course, on the interest in my books by my professional colleagues as well as positive and supportive reviews/comments by my college-age readers.)



Comedy at the Edge: How Stand-up in the 1970s Changed America

by Richard Zoglin


Book Review by
Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

For me, this was a fabulous book. I can’t say that I really have cared that much to know how various comedians (during the 1970s or whenever) lived their lives or began and developed their careers, but, having said that, I have taken a sincere and continuing interest in stand-up comedians since I can remember.

I have never thought much about my interest in stand-up comedians; however, when I began reading Zoglin’s book, I realized quickly I was familiar with most, if not all, those he discussed. For example, just in the first chapter alone I knew of Bob Newhart, Bill Cosby, the Smothers Brothers, Jonathan Winters, Stan Freberg, Bill Dana (as Jos Jim nez), and Lenny Bruce. I watched, too, and enjoyed George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Albert Brooks, Steve Martin, Andy Kaufman, Bob Hope, Robin Williams, Robert Klein, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Rodney Dangerfield, Woody Allen, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Roseanne Barr, Paula Poundstone, Sandra Bernhard, Ellen DeGeneres, and Jerry Seinfeld. These are names most of you reading this review will remember as well—some, of course, for being mega-stars as comedians, talk-show hosts, characters in sit-coms, or actors in movies.

What I truly enjoy was Zoglin’s readable, comfortable, story-telling style. The book is delightfully and fully engaging, and you really want to know what happened to each of the comedians he profiles, not just in the beginning nor just along the way, but what they decided to do at the end (or, in some cases, near end) of their stand-up careers. There is no question, however, and Zoglin details it all specifically, that the comedians he writes about changed stand-up comedy for good.

As an editor and writer at Time magazine, formerly serving as the magazine’s television critic and currently as its theater critic (I am quoting from the author’s blurb on the back flap), Zoglin spent more than twenty years covering entertainment, and in that position, he wrote cover stories on Bill Cosby, David Letterman, Diane Sawyer, and Arsenio Hall, among others.

The book is 247 pages long (and you will wish it were longer), and there are eleven pages of sources—many of those actual interviews with the comedians he profiled in the book.

Whether or not you enjoyed and appreciated the comedians of the 1970s, and whether or not you enjoy comedy in general, this book has merits far beyond these elements. It reads well, for one, it is great history, for two, and the detailed stories, examples, and insights make it an exceptional choice.

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Get this book at Amazon.com Comedy at the Edge: How Stand-up in the 1970s Changed America

Friday, May 7, 2010

Friday's Laugh... And Then Some!

A senior at Louisiana was overheard saying, "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet
From our upcoming book compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh is setup with just over 4 jokes a day, all 365 days, and can be read in any order!
Expected Release Date: Spring 2010


Thursday, May 6, 2010

Eight steps for raising your standards And Then Some

Are you happy with “good enough,” or have you become complacent with the “ordinary”? It’s a little like living with all the junk you have accumulated over the years and making no move to change the situation. As-a-matter-of-fact, you have become so accustomed to it, you don’t even notice it anymore. Often, it is this same mindset that carries over into every aspect of your life — relationships, jobs, household chores, and projects. To change the mindset requires effort and commitment, and when “good enough” is sufficient, why bother?

One of the reasons people consistently perform at a higher level than others or produce more remarkable results is that they possess a higher mental standard. Because you always move in the direction of your currently dominant thought, when your mindset is “excellence,” you will move toward that and perform at a higher level.

The important point here is a simple one. Trying to change behavior and performance — like improving your life, upgrading your standards, enhancing your relationships, advancing your employment status, and bettering your everyday experiences — requires a change in your mindset, otherwise any change you plan or undertake is likely to fail.

The question clearly becomes, how do you do it? The very first step is to realize you are in control. It is your choice about how you want to live your life. Because standards are a reflection of you and what’s right for you, you must make a choice: Choose to raise your standards. You are in control, and until you raise your standards at a deep, internal level, then nothing is going to change in your life.

The second step is to look at the people you admire. What is it about them that you admire? How do they behave? How do you feel when you’re around them? What would you have to change in your life to become more like the people you admire? These comparisons can offer a useful plan of action or, at the very least, a place to begin.

The third step is to expect more from yourself. To change, you are going to have to adjust, modify, revise, reshape, rework, and, perhaps, transform yourself. Not only is this risky, but also it requires work. Demand more of your performance in everything you do. You may need to become more creative in looking at and selecting from a wide variety of options; you may need to become more efficient by cutting out time-wasting, unnecessary distractions; you may need to put some pressure on yourself to break out from your secure, safe, and contented comfort zone. Although leaving any safe, stable environment for something unknown is unpredictable and potentially fraught with danger, also it can be an invigorating, action-packed adventure.

The fourth step is to expect more from others. You need to surround yourself with people who will challenge you. This may mean finding new players in your life. New co-workers, new friends, new relationship partners are more likely to test you, make demands on you, stretch, stimulate, inspire, and excite you. This is precisely what you need to push you to your limits.

The fifth step is to become more assertive. You get what you settle for; thus, when you risk rocking the boat, disappointing (or surprising others), or giving yourself more than what you think you deserve, you automatically raise your standards. When you raise your standards, you will automatically start to attract better things into your life — better friends, more varied experiences, superior relationships, and even higher quality material possessions.

There is no reason you need to settle for an inferior meal in a restaurant, a dirty room in a motel, a product that is below the quality you expect and deserve, a bad seat in an airplane or on a bus, or a negative conversation that may damage your ego, adversely affect your mindset, or unfavorably bear on your future goals. Take things back, write letters of complaint, buy higher quality things, do not support low-quality TV programming, refuse to pay for advertising, fix things instead of throwing them out, never buy anything on impulse, and stop settling for less.

The sixth step is to be easy on yourself. Change like that being discussed in this essay is not going to happen overnight. Much of what is being changed required your whole lifetime to learn and practice, thus, it is accepted, comfortable, and pleasant behavior. That is why so many people do not change. Become aware of your new behavior, and when you find yourself slipping back into your old ways, stop trying to change and live your new standard. Be easy on yourself when you slip; it is a necessary, always-present aspect of growing and changing.

Think of “raising your standards” as creating a new habit for yourself. It is a new way of acting. Remember that it takes a minimum of twenty-one repetitions of a behavior before it becomes a new habit. Consider this a journey, and as on any excursion — especially one with as important a destination as this voyage may have — you must enjoy the ride. Be observant and aware as this expedition takes you into new, uncharted territory.

The seventh step, in addition to the fourth step where you may find new players in your life, make a commitment to socialize more. When you raise your standards, the people around you will respond to you differently. There will be those who choose to leave your life while others choose to remain. New people will enter your life because they are attracted to your new standards. By socializing more — especially with raised standards — you will contact more of those likely to see and enjoy your new standards and more of those people who will choose to become part of your life because of those new standards. The quality of your life will improve.

The eighth step is to remove the words “good enough” and “okay” from your vocabulary.

Higher mental standards — desiring distinction, superior quality, and remarkable brilliance — can provide a framework for everything you do. It could be an event you’re planning, a product you’re designing, a meal you’re preparing, a letter you are writing, a project you are completing, a proposal you’re submitting, a speech you are creating, a vacation you are planning, or a room you are rearranging, when your standard is excellence, you will perform at a higher level. We tend to take our standards for granted, however, standards matter, and it is possible to raise them. By following the eight steps outlined in this essay, you will raise your standards And Then Some!

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A very good essay with some good practical ideas for raising your standards can be found in the essay, “Raise Your Standards,” at Take Action With Coach Lee (September 4, 2007).

Valorie Burton (July 27, 2009) writes an essay, “Raise Your Standards, Change Your Life,” at the website, blackamericaweb.com This was retrieved January 12, 2010, and in the essay Burton discusses four suggestions: 1) Decide what’s acceptable, 2) Exemplify what you expect, 3) Take steps to meet the new standard, and 4) Be willing to let go.

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Copyright April 2010 by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Day #183 - Revere science and its contributions

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"Realize that how we understand the whole of human history, comprehend all that humans know of themselves, and discover new evidence and theories regarding the future of humans on this earth, is because of an understanding of and a belief in science and the process of scientific investigation." ---Richard L. Weaver II


Day #183 - Revere science and its contributions. 

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

How to be Funny Part 3 Released and Find a Cure goal for May

And Then Some Publishing News


On May 1, 2010 Edgar E. Willis released Part Three of his video series, How to be Funny on Purpose: An Anatomy of Humor. Filmed in 1995, his video breaks down humor and helps bring an understanding of why we laugh at jokes and what makes a joke funny. Check out Part Three of Edgar's video series How to be Funny... at EdgarEWillis.com.


And Then Some Publishing set an outlandish goal of donating $500 to Susan G. Komen and help find a cure for breast cancer. I apologize to Susan G. Komen because we didn't make it. In fact, we only raised $9.00 in April 2010. With those statistics we are readjusting our goals and ideas for May.


And Then Some Publishing, LLC's Find a Cure Goal: May 2010 = $500.


Instead of donating $1.00 for every And Then Some Publishing, LLC book sold through Amazon, we are going to flip the scenario. 


From May 10, 2010 through May 16, 2010 buy any of And Then Some Publishing, LLC's eight books through Amazon.com and we will donate ALL PROCEEDS of the books beyond $1.00!


And Then Some Publishing, LLC will only profit $1.00 for every book sold!





Choose from eight And Then Some Publishing books..
You could be donating over $5.00 per book to helps Find a Cure to breast cancer!


From May 10, 2010 through May 16, 2010 buy any of And Then Some Publishing, LLC's book through Amazon.com and we will donate ALL PROCEEDS of the books beyond $1.00!


Use the black and yellow links at the top of every page and website and find some GREAT books!


One of these great books is Relationship Rules. This is an outstanding book that offers you practical, useful advice. The suggestions will give you a variety of new methods and techniques to re-energize your relationship. Get the rules on relationships... Relationship Rules: For Long-Term Happiness, Security, and Commitment.



Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
Eight Steps for Raising Your Standards
by Richard L. Weaver II


Thursday’s essay, Eight Steps for Raising Your Standards, is an essay that offers specific, practical techniques for raising your standards. These are ideas that can be put into practice at once There is no time to waste; do it now.

Excerpt:

Higher mental standards — desiring distinction, superior quality, and remarkable brilliance — can provide a framework for everything you do. It could be an event you’re planning, a product you’re designing, a meal you’re preparing, a letter you are writing, a project you are completing, a proposal you’re submitting, a speech you are creating, a vacation you are planning, or a room you are rearranging, when your standard is excellence, you will perform at a higher level. We tend to take our standards for granted, however, standards matter, and it is possible to raise them. By following the eight steps outlined in this essay, you will raise your standards And Then Some!





And Then Some Works!!