An attitude of gratitude And Then Some

by Richard L. Weaver II

In 1907 the physician and endocrinologist and world’s leading authority on stress and emotional and physical responses to stress, Hans Selye — “the Einstein of medicine” — said, “Among all emotions, there is one which, more than any other, accounts for the presence or absence of stress in human relations: that is the feeling of gratitude.” Striving for others’ gratitude served as Selye’s guiding philosophy of life, and he believed it was the ultimate aim of existence.

The information in this essay comes from the book, "Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier" (Houghton Mifflin, 2007), in which professor Robert Emmons, from the University of California, at Davis, shows that a systematic cultivation of the underexamined emotion can measurably change people’s lives. I have borrowed from Emmons’ work, and I use a minimum of quotation marks for the ease of reading.

There are three focal points in this essay. I examine the advantages of living a life of gratitude. I list some of the obstacles to maintaining an attitude of gratitude. Finally, I discuss strategies for overcoming the obstacles and obtaining an attitude of gratitude And Then Some.

According to Emmons, “gratefulness is a knowing awareness that we are the recipients of goodness. In gratitude we remember the contributions that others have made for the sake of our well-being” (p. 6). You cannot be grateful without being thoughtful; thus, “gratitude requires contemplation and reflection.” Although Thanksgiving is an appropriate time to be grateful; it can and should be expressed everyday of our lives throughout our lives.

There are many advantages to living a life of gratitude. Perhaps the most universal advantage is that it is one of the building blocks of a civil and humane society. On a personal level, there are emotional, physical, and interpersonal benefits. Emotionally, people who live lives full of gratitude, feel better about their lives as a whole, are more optimistic about their future, and report feeling grateful, joyful, and enthusiastic. The practice of gratitude protects people from the destructive impulses of envy, resentment, greed, and bitterness.

Physically, people who live a life of gratitude exercise more regularly, show increased resilience in the face of trauma-induced stress, report fewer illness symptoms, recover more quickly from illness, and benefit from greater physical health.

In addition to emotional and physical benefits, there are interpersonal benefits as well. A life of gratitude leads to increased feelings of connectedness, improved relationships, and even altruism. In experiencing gratitude, people feel more loving and forgiving, and gratitude maximizes the enjoyment of others and our lives. By elevating, energizing, inspiring, and transforming lives, it provides life with meaning for without it, it can be lonely, depressing, and impoverished. There are numerous obstacles to living a life of gratitude. The first is simply that we don’t think about it very often. Clearly, it flies below our radar screen. Second, as Americans we are prone to laziness and inactivity, and according to Emmons, “Far from being a warm, fuzzy sentiment, gratitude is morally and intellectually demanding” (p. 17). There can be little wonder why it seldom operates within our range of vision.

In addition to not thinking about it and our laziness and inactivity, Emmons claims there are “monumental forces that undermine gratitude” (p. 155). He lists five. The first is “the negativity bias.” Often it is easy to ignore your blessings or even complain about them. Psychologists have identified a natural tendency of the mind to perceive an input as negative — meaning that incoming thoughts and emotions are more likely to be unpleasant than pleasant. What this means in operational terms is that being a grouch, for some, comes naturally.

Emmons’ second obstacle is “the self-sufficiency illusion.” You do not want to admit or acknowledge how much you need others. Being indebted to others is uncomfortable, and you would rather believe that your good fortunes are your own doing although losses and sufferings are not your fault.

His third obstacle is “the emotional expression reluctance.” This obstacle applies more to men than women, however, our culture emphasizes the containment of emotional expression. There are perceived negative consequences that inhibit people from expressing their feelings.

Emmons’ fourth obstacle is “the comparison bias.” You constantly evaluate situations, events, other people, and yourself against standards of one type or another. When you look around and see students with harder bodies, coworkers with larger retirement portfolios, relatives whose children are more grateful, neighbors whose SUVs are larger, you feel resentment and envy, not gratitude. It encourages a focus on what you don’t have, not on what you do.

His fifth and final obstacle is “the perception of victimhood.” When you think of yourself as damaged goods — victimized at the hands of others (parents, spouses, coworkers, or society) — your tendency to blame them can be a strong resistance against gratitude.

Despite the many obstacles, however, there are a variety of strategies that will help obtain an attitude of gratitude And Then Some. Here are nine. The first is to keep a daily diary of positive, uplifting experiences. Gratefulness on a daily basis is related to higher levels of optimism and self-esteem. The second is simply reminding yourself to maintain a grateful attitude. The third is to practice gratefulness when good things happen because if “one is not grateful before challenges arrive, it is going to be more difficult (though not impossible) to summon up gratitude after they hit” (p. 181). The fourth is to view existence as a gift. Then “gratefulness is an attitude underlying successful functioning over the life course” (p. 182). Along with viewing existence as a gift, you need to be grateful for good health and your ability to touch, see, smell, taste, and hear.

Here are the remaining four strategies. The sixth is to remember the bad—your sorrows, losses, sadness, and trauma—along with remembering where you are now and how far you’ve come. Remind yourself of how much worse life might be than it is. The seventh strategy is to leave yourself visual reminders to be grateful—notes on the refrigerator or on your bathroom mirror. The eighth strategy is to use the language of gratefulness—gifts, givers, blessings, fortune, fortunate, and abundance rather than deprivation, deservingness, regrets, lack, need, scarcity, and loss. A ninth strategy is to play the role of a grateful person. When you go through the motions, gratitude itself will be triggered. If you do it, the true feeling of gratefulness will emerge.

Whether it is Thanksgiving or any other time during the year, there are obstacles to obtaining a life of gratitude. The advantages of gratefulness, however, should make it worthwhile to put the strategies for promoting an attitude of gratitude into immediate use. These strategies will provide an attitude of gratitude And Then Some.




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And Then Some: Essays to Entertain, Motivate, & Inspire - Book 1

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