Ten messages kids don't want to hear

by Richard L. Weaver II

The messages could be, “Obey your parents,” or “Do what’s right,” or “Eat your vegetables,” but there are ten other messages I want to discuss in this essay. Are the messages I discuss more important than these? What could be more obvious or important than “Obey your parents,” or “Do what’s right?” The point is, there are numerous messages kids don’t want to hear, and I have selected my favorites.

The first message kids don’t want to hear is: Keep your room clean without being asked. What you may not know is that keeping your room clean is just part of a cleanliness, good hygiene, care and responsibility routine, and by establishing the routine early, you make it a habit to have your surroundings in good order. Just picking up after yourself can keep your room clean, contribute to a neat house, and help you find things when you want them.

It is easy to think of cleaning your room petty, trivial, and unimportant, but if you think of it as part of a cleanliness, good hygiene process that can and should include taking care of things you own (like your bicycle, video games, and clothes), caring for your pets, having a clean, good-smelling body, brushing your teeth, and, in general, presenting a fresh, upstanding, clean-cut image, you will be well on your way to presenting to others a positive character, pleasing personality, and likable and attractive self.

The second message kids don’t want to hear is: Learn how to read well. Whether you are asked to read by your parents or by your teachers, take every opportunity to do so. Also, read when you are by yourself, waiting for others, or trying to find something interesting to do. Always have a book or magazine with you. Good reading skills — which you develop simply by practicing it over and over — will help you do better in school, make all of your education easier and more comfortable, bring you a greater amount of information, and help you stand out from others. Good reading skills are the foundation from which all educated, intelligent, and well-informed growth and development can and will occur.

The third message kids don’t want to hear is: Take school seriously. If good reading skills are the foundation, then school is the structural support that is fastened to that foundation. Whether it makes sense to you now, whether you think it will be valuable to you in the future, and whether you want to accept what you are being told, all that you are learning in school will help you in the future. You are too young for it all to make sense; you are too young to see its value; and you are to young to be making judgments about what to accept and what to reject. Be a sponge, and absorb everything you are being told, everything you are reading, and everything that goes on each day in your classes. The big payoff will come, but you must be patient.

The fourth message kids don’t want to hear is: Stop wasting your time playing video games. As a brief recess from homework, as a break from doing your chores, or as a brief opportunity for doing something different, they are okay. But, the skills learned from playing video games will make no contribution to a successful life. All they will do is keep you from the other kinds of things you should be doing, and that includes reading, doing homework, playing outside, exercising, and talking with family and friends.

The fifth message kids don’t want to hear is: Keep physically active. Whether you are playing outside, riding your bike, walking to the store or school, or following a regular exercise routine, regular physical exercise is important. Often the habits that are necessary for keeping us young as we age, are habits established while we are young. Physical activity is a great compliment to mental activity (like reading), and the two of these will help you keep your body slim and fit.

The sixth message kids don’t want to hear is: Treasure your family and friends. It is easy, as a youth, to climb into your own, individually constructed, safe and protected world where others are not free to enter or intrude. You come home from school, you shut your bedroom door (maybe even post a sign on it that says, “Do Not Enter!”), and you escape into your space — away from family (as far as you can get, anyway) and away from friends (if you have any). Healthy children have friends; healthy children interact regularly with others; healthy children learn who they are through their interactions with others. To maintain contact is to sustain a healthy, social, support network.

The seventh message kids don’t want to hear is to listen. There are many reasons to learn to listen: you learn more, show respect to others, better prepare yourself for the future, and stay alert to the information you need to perform better on a daily (even hourly) basis. I’m sure you have heard the saying, “"The reason that we have two ears and one mouth," the Greek philosopher, Zeno, said, "is that we may listen the more and talk the less."

The eighth message kids don’t want to hear is to be yourself. There is a great deal of pressure as a child to be like everyone else (to fit in), or to try to make yourself into something or someone you are not. This doesn’t mean you don’t obey the rules and listen to your parents and friends. What it means is to let your creativity and your uniqueness be revealed. Don’t stifle what is naturally, comfortably, and genuinely you.

The ninth message kids don’t want to hear is: Always look on the bright side. It is easy to view the problems of this world, the difficulties of your society, the problems of your family and friends, and the troubles you face on a daily basis and become sad and depressed. The fact is, you are lucky to be alive, lucky to live in this world, society and community, and fortunate to have family and friends. If you are patient you will find that your own troubles will disappear very soon, and when looked at in retrospect, you will find your problems are surprisingly minor.

The tenth message kids don’t want to hear is: Help others. When you examine your luck, talent, and gifts, your position in this society, and what you have been given, and if you viewed it all in comparison with so many others in this world, you would quickly discover that you have so much to give. The more you give the more you will discover your true self.

Yes, ten messages sound like a lot, but if you show these messages to any adult, he or she will tell you 1) they are sound and true, 2) they will make you a better person, 3) they will help us all improve our society, and it is likely he or she will come up with one, two, or even three of their own messages not discussed here. Try it; you’ll love the results you get!

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At Positive Path Network (Life by choice — not by chance) Michael Grose has written an essay entitled, “ Life Messages - Five Messages To Give Your Kids Every Day” that is relevant to mine. His include, “I care for you,” “You are unique,” “You can handle life’s difficulties,” “You choose how you think, feel, and behave,” and “There is no feeling so bad that you can’t talk about it.”

The entire purpose of PrevNet (Promoting Relationships and Eliminating Violence) is “to stop the use of power and aggression in relationships and to promote safe and healthy relationships,” and the three messages are, “Bullying is wrong and hurtful,” “Bullying is a relationship problem,” and “Promoting Relationships and Eliminating Violence are Everybody’s Responsibility.”

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Contact Richard L. Weaver II