by Richard L. Weaver IIArranging schedules regarding when Christmas will be celebrated with the families of our grown children is difficult when each family has at least three celebrations. Our celebration never falls on Christmas morning anymore, but when we open presents at least 18 people are here and often a few more than that. With nine grandchildren, all counting how many presents they receive when compared with their cousins, we have made certain the count is exact, and considering how long the whole process takes, we have tried to limit the number of presents under the tree.
No matter how Christmas is celebrated or when, there are a number of things families can do to reduce the emphasis on gifts. It is difficult, of course, for young children can see little else, and their vision is blurred not just by the sheer number of gifts under the tree but, too, when they celebrate it three times and in each case the number increases. The problem is exacerbated when you have grandparents competing to give the greatest number, the biggest, or the most expensive.
One thing is for certain, the example adults set for children is important. This is one suggestion made by Dr. David Lowenstein, in his essay, “Teaching your kids about the real meaning of the holidays.” Lowenstein suggests setting an example by instilling the importance of the holidays in your own family. When you place emphasis on the religious significance of the holiday, he says, spend time together, or give to charity, your children will take clues from you. After setting an example, Lowenstein suggests promoting family togetherness, spending time together, performing acts of charity, encouraging giving, and managing gift expectations.
With respect to Santa Claus, Lowenstein suggests emphasizing that “Santa Claus is an icon of goodness.” Lowenstein says that if you emphasize this, “the gift-giving aspect of Santa [won’t] completely overshadow what’s really magical” — that Christmas is about people.
The real key, according to Lowenstein, is “to consider what the holidays mean to you and what you want them to mean to your children.” You do this so that you can “emphasize these things during the season and for the entire year. You’ll be happy to find,” he concludes, “that your family agrees that religion, charity, good will, family togetherness and love for each other creates more lasting memories than elaborate feasts, expensive decorations, and breakable toys.”
At “Great gift ideas," Patricia Sheehy, in her essay “Secrets to Meaningful Gift Giving,” suggests that you can take the anxiety out of gift giving (“Did I choose appropriately?” “Will it convey my feelings and intentions?”) if you keep a list of things your friends and family members talk about throughout the year (e.g., colors, hobbies, etc.), buy a gift connected to something bigger such as a piece of folklore, or a family story and, finally, she suggests adding a personal note to your gift to explain why you purchased it and to make the gift meaningful and personal. It focuses attention on the person giving the gift and the reason for it, not just on the gift alone.
Debra Lynn Dadd, in an essay entitled, “Holiday Gift-Giving,” tells us that, “Our modern bringer of gifts, Santa Claus, evolved from St. Nicholas, an actual person who distributed his wealth to the needy through the giving of secret gifts,” and, she adds, that, “Throughout most of history, gifts exchanged were small tokens of affection.” That offers a contrast to what takes place in many living rooms each year.
“The essence of gift giving,” says Dadd, “is generosity — the readiness and willingness to give of one’s self and one’s resources to benefit others, and to give liberally, freely, abundantly, plentifully, and joyfully.”
Given any gift-giving history and the traditions that take place during the holidays, it is unlikely there will be any major changes that take place. Even if that remains true, however, it is possible to reconsider your core values for the holidays. In her essay, Dadd lists five, important, core values:
* Being generous with people who can truly benefit from our gifts
* Expressing love in ways other than material goods
* Celebrating the spiritual and social meanings of the holiday
* Promoting peace
* Spending time with loved ones
Gift giving can take place within the context of these values and, also, other activities and events can be added to the gift-giving experience to reinforce the values, take the emphasis off the gift-giving portion, and add deeper meaning to the holidays.
Dadd offers a wide array of suggestions, and I recommend her website for a discussion and examples of each. She lists giving of yourself like gifts of time, gifts of help, gifts of skill, gifts of experience, gifts of family, gifts of community, and gifts with a personal touch. Also she suggests giving gifts with the environment in mind (that use fewer resources and are eco-friendly) such as a donation to an environmental group, organically grown plants, or gifts that are recycled or reusable.
Despite the gifts, the values you support, and the reasons you do or do not celebrate Christmas, if you do things during the holidays with the intention of expressing your love then gift giving can be just one of the ways. But when you focus on the people, not the gifts, then it is relationships that count. People, and your relationship with them, become more important than anything material.
When Christmas is about people, significant memories are established — memories that people will remember and that become important to the way they lead and conduct their lives. Memories are made from such simple things as turning off the television and the video games and playing games together, creating a new recipe together, playing some music and dancing together, cooking together, cleaning up the kitchen together, reading a book together, singing carols together, or just cuddling together and enjoying — celebrating — people at Christmastime.
At adoption.com, Donna Sanchez has written an essay entitled, “A meaningful Christmas,” in which she discusses a number of great ideas and examples of giving and sharing.
Patty Getz, at the website peopleoffaith.com, offers a list of “81 ideas to spend time with your family at Christmas,” to prove that Christmas can be so much more than presents and parties. The ideas are fun and interesting and will, undoubtedly, spark your imagination.
© Copyright 2008 - And Then Some Publishing, LLC
It's too bad that one of the first things we heard as the ecomony took a dive was the "reduction in gifts" under the trees this Christmas. Shouldn't we be more worried about those who don't even have a tree?
ReplyDeleteHello Mr. Ryan III,
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely correct. Maybe there will be a new awareness of those without trees under the guidance, influence, and direction of our president-elect. At least I would hope so. We'll see. Thanks for writing Mr. Ryan III.