There are so many different ways to take control of your life

by Richard L. Weaver II

Growth, development, and change requires that we pick and choose those elements and suggestions most relevant and immediate to our own personal situation — those that will most help us in the areas where we feel (or others suggest) help is most needed. There are so many ways and so many who are willing to make suggestions.

Sheila Dicks, at the website of Christopher M. Knight’s Top7Business, has an essay entitled, “Control Your Life: Top 7 Steps to Take Control of Your Life,” and she says you will be on your way if you follow these 7 steps: 1. Get in touch with your values, 2. Decide what motivates you, 3. Set Goals, 4. Take Action, 5. Manage Your Time, 6. Do What Needs to be Done [this is a tough one for those who want to take control!], 7. Self-discipline. Dicks concludes by saying,“When you believe in and trust yourself and have enough desire, self-discipline comes easily.”

At Ian’s Messy Desk, Ian McKenzie has an essay entitled, “10 Ways to Take Control of Your Life,” and his ten suggestions include: 1. Take care of yourself, 2. Practice gratitude, 3. Stop making assumptions, 4. Refrain from absolutes, 5. Eliminate the negative, 6. Squash the “ANTs” [ANTs are “Automatic Negative Thoughts”], 7. Come on and get physical, 8. Get out more, 9. Volunteer, and 10. Take a break.

At Shepell-fgi, in their essay, “Take Control Of Your Life!,” they offer eight suggestions: 1) Accept What You Can't Control, 2) Stop The Blame Game, 3) Let Go, 4) Learn To Say No, 5) Take Time to Plan Because You Can't Do It All, 6) Schedule Time For Yourself, 7) Simplify Your Life, 8) Recognize the Difference Between "Needs" and "Wants."

At the Life With Confidence website, Catherine Pratt has an essay entitled, “How To Take Control of Your Life,” and she starts by talking about fear: “First of all, the number one reason people don’t take control of their lives is due to fear. Fear of having dreams, fear of following their dreams, fear of achieving their dreams. Fear stops them dead in their tracks.” Then she talks about facing the fear and starting to dream. Also, she discusses starting out small and keeping positive. Pratt ends her essay on an upbeat, positive note by saying: “So, what are you waiting for? Change that attitude. Start working towards your new positive life. Go get it. It’s yours, it’s waiting for you to make the first move. Take that first step and you’ll never look back. Everything you’ve ever wanted can be yours and all you have to do is change your thoughts and Take Control.”

At iVillage, there is an anonymous essay, “7 Ways You Can Take Control of Your Life,” with a goal of developing a nurturing environment. The seven ways discussed include: 1) invest in a paper shredder, 2) give yourself ten extra minutes, 3) write in a gratitude journal, 4) stop and think, 5) cut down on your to-do list, 6) exercise every day, and 7) throw away the old sponge (use Clorox Clean-Ups instead). The point of throwing away the old sponge is to make use of new technology that saves time and labor. The point of this essay is: “There are plenty of things in our lives that will never be in order, but by habitually taking care of small tasks, we can change our outlook. ”

At NaturalNews.com, Mike Adams has written a brief essay entitled, “Life Coach Says You Can Take Control of Your Life (press release) ,” in which he offers readers guiding principles for taking control of their lives. His suggestions come from Tom Caines, a life and business coach, and in each of the following cases, I am quoting Adams’ essay without using the quotation marks. First, listen to yourself. Identify negative statements and change them to positive ones. Second, Expect plenty. Give up scarcity thinking. Belief in scarcity leads to evaluating your life in terms of what you lack, not what you have. Third, have a personal vision that excites you by exploring activities you love doing (career, travel, writing, art, etc. ) without regard to money, fear, obligations or the opinions of others. Fourth, give yourself credit for your strengths and successes. Everyone, Adams writes, have personal strengths such as being well-organized, nurturing, natural leaders, understanding, uplifting or pragmatic, which can assist them in taking control of our lives.

At AlexShalman.com, Shalman suggests that you can, “Take Control Of Your Life With One Thought.” His idea is a good one. He suggests that, “We are responsible for choosing which thought we are going to invest our time and energy into thinking. It is completely in our power to choose thoughts that resonate with our happiness, or any other feeling that we wish to experience.” How do we do it? “We can choose to keep our mind focused on this moment, and on the thought of happiness. That way we don’t need to obtain anything to be happy, we can be happy right now.” You can experience — right now — any thought or feeling you desire simply by concentrating on it.

Many of these suggestions are practical and worthwhile. Taking control of your life is important, of course, because that is where all maturity and responsibility begin. When you look over the suggestions, it is clear that not only do different people have different suggestions, but it is clear, too, that different people have various starting points depending on where they are in their lives. Obviously, not all suggestions are useful for everyone. But lists — with the possibility of following each item with a full discussion (within the essays where they were first discussed) — serve a worthwhile purpose, because growth, development, and change requires that we pick and choose those growth elements most relevant and immediate for our own purposes.
-----
At HealingWell.com, Pauline Salvucci writes an essay entitled, “Take Control of Your Life!.” She talks about the meaning of “control,” and then discusses, opening the door to your options, broadening your vision, and asking the right questions,. She concludes her wonderfully encouraging essay saying, “Being in control of your life opens you up. The more you're able to stretch yourself, the more you'll access the benefits, depth and wisdom that come from using your mind, heart, spirit -- and the more you'll receive from what life has to offer. This is the important lesson. Learn it and live well!”

At the Fearless Dreams website, Joel’s essay is entitled, “Four Tools to Take Control of Your Life.” His tools make good sense: 1) Define yourself, 2) Use the help of experts, 3) Compare and take action, and 4) test yourself with action. His examples are good, and the inspiration he provides is encouraging.

At SuccessMagazine there is an essay that is all suggestions: “30 Tips to Take Control of Your Life Now.” The suggestions are a bit scattered rather than being organized around a single topic, but they are short and valuable — but, as any set of suggestions, hard to apply to yourself if you don’t already do them.
-----
Copyright December, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"I have made mistakes, but I have never made the mistake of claiming that I never made one." ---James Gordon Bennett

Day #112 - Admit your errors, but don't stop making them.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday’s essay is called, “‘There are so many different ways to take control of your life,” and it comes just as the new year is ready to roll around. With the new year comes the desire to turn over a new leaf, list and attempt to fulfill New Year’s Resolutions, and begin again to try to forge change in our lives. This essay is perfect for the time because it offers so many different ways to take control of your life. And that’s what it’s all about! When you take control, change is possible!

Share your link. Have you written anything about ways to control your life? Have you actually been able to take control? When did it happen? How did it happen? What effects have taken place? Do you know others who have taken control of their life? Can you share some insights about how, when, where, or why to take control of your life? What would you like to tell people about the advantages (or disadvantages) of taking control? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.

Click here to LINK your And Then Some story

Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
There are so many different ways to take control of your life
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:

Many of these suggestions are practical and worthwhile. Taking control of your life is important, of course, because that is where all maturity and responsibility begin. When you look over the suggestions, it is clear that not only do different people have different suggestions, but it is clear, too, that different people have various starting points depending on where they are in their lives. Obviously, not all suggestions are useful for everyone. But lists — with the possibility of following each item with a full discussion (within the essays where they were first discussed) — serve a worthwhile purpose, because growth, development, and change requires that we pick and choose those growth elements most relevant and immediate for our own purposes.

---

And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!

Book Review Mondays

More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below:

You’ve Got to Read This Book: 55 People Tell the Story of the Book That Changed Their Life
by Jack Canfield and Gay Hendricks

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

I found this book absolutely fascinating, and it made me think about the single book that has had the most effect on my own life. More on that book in a moment. This is a book designed to get you reading. What Canfield and Hendricks have done is ask entertainers, sports personalities, businesspeople, writers, environmentalists, and activists to tell about the book that has impacted their life the most and why. The book is more uplifting than literary, however, when you find out what people you know (e.g., Dave Barry, Catherine Oxenburg, Kenny Loggins, Jacquelyn Mitchard, Lou Holtz, Max Edelman, Bernie Siegal, and a host of others) have been inspired by, it does inspire you as well. As I read these 55 brief, well-written, inspiring messages, I was reminded of the old cliche I have always supported, “When the student is ready, the teacher will come.” It is definitely true that what inspires one person, or what causes a major shift in his or her thinking, or what changes the course of one’s person’s life may not do the same for another person; however, many of the books mentioned are classics. For example, To Kill a Mockingbird, The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, The Bible, The Teachings of the Buddha, Mein Kampf, The Secret Kingdom, On Aggression, The Science of Getting Rich, Life after Life, The End of Poverty, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, The Catcher in the Rye, Great Expectations, The Brothers Karamazov, Chicken Soup for the Prisoner’s Soul, The Great Divorce, A Guide for the Perplexed, The Legacy of Luna, How to Make Millions with Your Ideas, Key to Yourself, Gone with the Wind, 100 Selected Poems, Franny and Zooey, Peace Pilgrim, and more. I liked the simple (Chicken Soup for the Soul) format; the book is easy to read (It will take you several hours only.), and the stories are entertaining.

I obtained my Ph.D. from Indiana University in 1969, and I was just beginning my teaching career as an Assistant Professor at the University of Massachusetts when a new book caught my attention and changed my life. The book, Teaching as a Subversive Activity, by Neil Postman and Charles Weingartner , did not just touch a nerve, leave an impression, or tug at my heartstrings. No, I found this 1969 book to be the most thought-provoking I had ever read, and it changed entirely my approach to teaching because it offered an entirely new paradigm. From my own observations of my teachers, my formal teacher’s education at the University of Michigan, and from working with a very strict practice-teaching supervisor and mentor, I learned there is one right answer, that the teacher has it, that memorizing facts is important, and that fellow students have little to contribute to the education of their peers. From Postman and Weingartner, however, I discovered how to construct an environment in which real learning takes place and where people learn how to learn themselves. I learned, too, that teachers need to get out of the way of their students' learning, stop identifying teaching with "getting through" or completing their syllabi and daily lesson plans, create questions that will help their students raise and begin to answer good, worthwhile questions, and, as a direct result of their book, my entire approach to teaching changed for the better. It wasn’t just a light being turned on, it was as if a beacon suddenly appeared that lit the way to my educational enlightenment. This book is a classic for anyone in education because it promotes free thought, advances communication and expression, and assists educators in building a society of intelligent citizens.

How did I get started on my rant about the book Teaching as a Subversive Activity? That is the beauty of the book, You’ve Got to Read This Book. It makes you think, and for readers, that’s a good think!

More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below:

Books: A Memoir
by Larry McMurtry

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

I think it’s fairly easy to understand how a writer like myself would appreciate a book by the name of Books: A Memoir. This book by McMurtry is special, however, because it is the story (actually, a whole lot of stories) of how a person raised in a small ranch house in the village of Archer City, Texas, where there were no books (“the bookless ranch house”) could grow to read, love, collect, and use — then write his own — books. To me, that fact alone, warrants the stories he tells, warrants reading this book. McMurtry grew up in a storytelling culture, and obviously it had a profound, engaging, and long-term effect on his life (and all this time I thought it was the possession, availability, and reading to children — from in the womb until they can read on their own — that was the influence that mattered!). What this book is, is a series of vignettes about McMurtry’s life with books. Not only does he write about books he treasures and acquires and sells, but you get a wonderful picture of the writer himself: “My method of writing a novel was, from the first, to get up early and dash off five pages of narrative. That is still my method, though now I dash off ten pages a day. I write every day, ignoring holidays and weekends” (p. 49). “Once my writing duty was done each morning,” McMurtry writes, “I went out into the city and spent the rest of my day in bookstores” (p. 53). This isn’t a book for everyone. McMurtry spends a great deal of time naming names: books, people, places, relatives, friends of friends, characters, etc. Also, if you have no interest in book scouting, book acquisitions, book trading, or running a bookshop, this book is likely to hold little interest for you. I found his vignettes, as one reviewer of his book said, “entertaining, educational, vividly portrayed, and descriptive.”

----

Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorksRules.com website.

Weekend Words

"Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them." ---Adlai Stevenson

“It is more blessed to give than to receive”

by Richard L. Weaver II

I have attended church since I was a child, and whenever I think of “church,” I think of a warm, supportive, social environment. For me, there is no “higher purpose,” no “spiritual quest,” and no “spiritual union with God.” In my early years, I attended because my family attended and in my later years I have attended because my wife and family did.

In their book, How to Make the Rest of Your Life the Best of Your Life, Mark Victor Hansen and Art Linkletter include a chapter entitled “Spirituality or Plugging Into a Higher Power.” In this essay I borrow liberally from their chapter, and I have avoided using quotation marks because of the distraction they sometimes cause.

I realize the reasons people attend church. Spiritual beliefs give individuals hope and peace. Also, they keep them optimistic, relieve stress, and prevent depression. The authors make it clear that strong beliefs may help seniors cope with mortality while helping them develop acceptance of the events that later life brings.

I have discovered that most people attend church because they were brought up in a family that attended church. This is neither to doubt nor diminish their own spirituality, but it isn’t like they went out on a personal mission and “found religion.” Such missions are unlikely to happen. What is more likely is that “religion” becomes an automatic, accepted, well-integrated and entrenched part of their lives. In three-out-of-four of our children, this is certainly the case. They need no scientific proof to know that prayer and spirituality exert enormous influence over their lives.

What is interesting, however, is that Hansen and Linkletter cite more than a little anecdotal evidence supporting the idea that having some sort of strong spiritual belief helps people live better and longer. How does it do that? Belief gives people strength, reminds them that we’re not alone in hard times, sets their moral compass, encourages them to help and forgive others, and gives them hope. It adds a rudder and some direction to ships being tossed and turned in turbulent seas. With a rudder, people not only find out who they are, but they have a purpose that supercedes what they do or have done in their life.

The effects of having faith have not gone totally unnoticed by the scientific world. Hansen and Linkletter cite studies that have shown that people who attend religious services regularly had lower levels of the protein interleukin-6 which is linked to immune system diseases such as lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, and B-cell lymphoma. Studies show, too, that patients with a strong religious faith are less likely to die in the six months after heart surgery than those without it, have lower diastolic blood pressure, and are more likely to live longer. One study the authors cited drew the conclusion that “there is something uniquely inherent in the practice of spiritual meditation that cannot be completely conveyed through secular mediation and relaxation (p. 197).”

One of the most impressive studies Hansen and Linkletter cite was conducted at the University of Texas-Austin by Terrence Hill and his team of researchers. Published in the Journal of Gerontology (2005), the study found that among people sixty-five and older who attended church once per week, the mortality rate was 32 percent lower than those people who did not attend church. This study confirmed another one just two years earlier that found a 25 percent reduction in mortality among regular churchgoers.

What is actually occurring to support the view that an active spiritual life helps people live longer? The obvious answer is that a religious lifestyle is good for your health. But what does “a religious lifestyle” mean? I think it means that people who shun smoking, drinking, and sexual promiscuity, and promote work can claim to have health advantages. There are a number of studies, for example, that claim that Seventh-day Adventists, who promote this kind of healthy lifestyle, including a vegetarian diet, enjoy greater longevity than the average American.

Actually, it goes far beyond a healthy lifestyle and vegetarian diets — although there is nobody who doubts that both contribute to longevity. Researchers suggest that the social networks that form in religious congregations offer valuable support for members. With regular church attendance, people both lend support and receive it. This helps them cope better with the stresses that normally accompany financial hard times, disease, or the loss of a loved one.

In our church services, for example, time is always provided for people to raise the names of friends and loved ones for the purposes of the prayerful support of all those in the congregation. Time is provided as well for people to offer examples of “answered prayers.” Such times give people opportunities to both lend support and receive it.

It is likely that the benefits of spiritual beliefs go even deeper than healthy lifestyles, vegetarian diets, and prayerful support. It was Harold Koenig of Duke University, who led one of the scientific studies cited earlier, who believes that faith gives meaning to the lives of regular believers. It supports beliefs that the deaths of friends or family or the major changes that are occurring in their lives are part of a greater plan. Everything becomes part of a greater plan which offers continuing evidence that life is not meaningless and random. For seniors, the primary focus of Koenig’s study, it gives them a feeling of control at a time which so much of their control seems to be slipping away from them.

Because of their outreach programs, service orientation, and involvement in the faith community, members who are regular attenders and identify closely with churches, become — through their associations, linkages, connections, and interrelationships — just as involved. It helps them stay upbeat and optimistic while filling — even if they are not actually physically involved — useful and productive roles in the community.

For me, going to church — the most obvious and tangible expression of my connection to my family — is an opportunity to socialize with people who care for and about me and each other. It is not just the ultimate expression of fellowship, belonging, love, but the collective strength of our family. When our son is the preacher, our daughter leads, sings with, and plays for the accompanying praise band, and our granddaughters often sing before the church and serve as acolytes, what greater expression and support for “family” could there be? For me, it supports the most beautiful words in the Bible, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35).
-----
Wendy Griffith, CBN News Senior Reporter, has written an essay at the CBNNews.com, entitled, “More Blessed to Give Than Receive,” in which she supports her opening statements: “A new book out explains how giving not only makes you rich - it makes you healthier and happier. There is now scientific evidence supporting the Scriptures that discuss the benefits of charitable giving.”

“Benefits of going to church as a family,” at the website, HubPages, written by Cougar, offers readers four benefits: 1) 1) Going to church builds your faith and helps you develop a better understanding of God, 2) gives you a real community, 3) gives you an outlet to help other people, and 4) People who attend church statistically live longer.
-----
Copyright December, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"Good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent. Most talents are, to some extent, a gift. Good character, by contrast, is not given to us. We have to build it, piece by piece --- by thought, choice, courage, and determination." ---H. Jacson Brown

Day #111 - Be of good character.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday’s essay is called, “‘It is more blessed to give than to receive,” and it comes at Christmastime, because the saying is so related to giving and receiving presents, but the essay itself, has more to do with “giving” to your family. In the case of the essay, it means going to church as a family event and what values accrue from church attendance.

Share your link. Have you written anything about being more blessed to give than to receive — or having faith? Have you received actual, physical benefits that you can cite? Do you know someone who has proven, in his or her life, that it is more blessed to give than to receive? Can you share some insights about being more blessed to give than to receive? What would you like to tell people about such situations? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.


Click here to LINK your And Then Some story

Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
"It is more blessed to give than to receive"
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:

The effects of having faith have not gone totally unnoticed by the scientific world. Hansen and Linkletter cite studies that have shown that people who attend religious services regularly had lower levels of the protein interleukin-6 which is linked to immune system diseases such as lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, and B-cell lymphoma. Studies show, too, that patients with a strong religious faith are less likely to die in the six months after heart surgery than those without it, have lower diastolic blood pressure, and are more likely to live longer. One study the authors cited drew the conclusion that “there is something uniquely inherent in the practice of spiritual meditation that cannot be completely conveyed through secular mediation and relaxation (p. 197).”

---

And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!

Book Review Mondays

More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below:

Creativity: Flow and the psychology of discovery and invention
by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

Mihaly’s last name is pronounced chick-sent-mih-high, and the intent of his book is to describe how different people create meaning in life with full intention and focus and thereby achieve an ongoing state of satisfaction and sense of fulfillment. It is, thus, not a recipe book for self-improvement, but Csikszentmihalyi offers general concepts — principles (a flexible framework) — that can be applied to yourself and your life. Although he is a professor of psychology at the University of Chicago, this is not a textbook, and it is not about psychology alone. With psychology, he interweaves philosophy, anthropology, and sociology as well. It is written for everyone, and it explains an important concept. The major components of the flow experience include: 1) There's clarity of goals, 2) Feedback is immediate. You know moment-by-moment how well you're doing, 3) The challenges of the activity are matched with the skills of the person, 4) There's a feeling of focus on what you're doing, 5) Everyday frustrations are removed from your attention, 6) You feel that you can be control of your life, 7) You also lose a sense of self-consciousness, 8) And, finally, a sense of time is transformed. His discussion of "the zone" or the state of "Flow" is thorough, comprehensive, and clear. This is an engaging, thought-provoking, eye-opening book by a knowledgeable, educated man who offers readers a popularized examination of the intellectual bases for the concept of flow. He doesn’t use long lists of scholars, rather, he uses copious "real life" examples to illustrate the concepts he introduces — how to achieve optimal experience. This is not a "fun" read unless you like critical analysis of psychological processes, but his approach is logical, linear, and well illustrated. Once you read it, you will want to save it and re-read it from time-to-time. As an author who has experienced flow many times in his life, I can tell you that it is wonderful having this book as a mental reference for understanding the entire process.

More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below:

When Men Become Gods: Mormon Polygamist Warren Jeffs, His Cult of Fear, and The Women Who Fought Back
by Stephen Singular

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

This is a fascinating book. My sister lives in Kanab, Utah, as I am writing this, and I have driven past Colorado City, Utah, where much of this book takes place, so I know the area. Singular, a New York Times bestselling author, is an excellent writer. This book is educational, gripping, and detailed. Singular traces the rise to power of Warren Jeffs, self-proclaimed prophet of the fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, a sect of Mormonism based in isolated southern Utah, and the effort involved that led to his downfall. Effort involved? It took law enforcement, private investigators, the Feds, and a group of former polygamous wives seeking to liberate young women from arranged marriages to bring him down. To his twenty to thirty thousand followers, Jeffs wasn’t merely their pastor but their Prophet, “the only person on earth who took orders directly from God” (p. 3). The prologue of the book discusses his final arrest, but the chapter titles alone give you a hint of the great read ahead: 1) Sex and terrorism, 2) One-man rule, 3) The resistance, 4) In the shadows of Zion, 5) Fallen prophet, 6) Outlasting the sun. In addition, there is a short epilogue and a brief afterword as well. There are no notes, bibliography, nor index. To reveal a taste of his writing style, here Singular explains benefits of polygamy from some of the women he interviewed: “Some of the women mentioned the specific psychological benefits of polygamy. Plural marriage had helped them come to terms with difficult feelings like jealousy, insecurity, competition, and thinking that they ‘owned’ their spouse. Instead of denying these complex emotions, they’d been forced to confront them in order to make their marriages work. They saw all this as a growth experience — a lifestyle that was not only tolerable, but preferable” (p. 81). This is truly an excellent book, and although you may not like the central character, the subject matter, nor the beliefs and values held by this group, the book offers a solid, well-drawn, footnote not just in the history of this country but in how people like David Koresh, Jim Jones, and Warren Jeffs are able to accomplish their feat of control. Jeffs was a reader of Hitler and Napoleon, wrested leadership from his father, discharged all those who opposed him, and maintained absolute and total control by eliminating all outside influences, thus, if you are born into that belief system, and isolated enough so that contrary views are never presented to you, it is difficult or close to impossible to get out. This is really an incredible read.

----

Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorksRules.com website.

Weekend Words

"Nobody talks much that doesn't say unwise things --- things he did not mean to say; as no person plays much without striking a false note sometimes." ---Oliver Wendell Holmes

Are you a good decision maker? Are you in charge of your life?

by Richard L. Weaver II

When I was in college I had to make a decision that would alter my entire life — whether to change from a pre-med to a speech-communication major. While I was dating my wife, we had to decide whether to continue our relationship or get married. When I was teaching college, I had to decide, at the request of a colleague, whether I wanted to co-write a textbook with her. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Although these were three momentous ones — and the answer in each case was to accept the new option — most decisions are not as weighty.

Every time we turn around, we have to make more decisions. Just as people are different, so are their styles of decision making. Are you a good decision maker? The problem with this question is simply that it is difficult to assess — objectively — your own decision-making ability. There is no doubt that some people find this particular skill easier than others, but the good news is that decision-making is a skill that can be learned by anyone.

Wise decisions are those made using a definite process. Why? First, because they are based on the values and perceptions of the decision-maker. Second, because they take advantage of carefully considered alternatives and options. And three, because they include periodic reassessments of the decision and its effects.

Many people resist the claim that a definite process is essential to wise decision making. They claim, instead, that making decisions simply by intuition is a superior method. They trust their “gut feelings” more than they trust any specific method, model, or process.

There is no doubt about the utility of snap judgments. Students, for example, know from the first few seconds of class whether a teacher is good or not. People size up others and situations from their gut — often, too, with ample emotional intelligence. And, too, emergency situations require instantaneous gut reaction — what to do to avoid a collision or catastrophe, for example. Operating on instinct keeps everything simple and clear.

But there are serious limitations to intuition when practiced without the interference of facts. Snap judgments are hardly infallible. On first impressions, for example, Warren Harding looked like a real president but turned out to be one of the worst ever. The decision to go to war in Iraq was made with no formal meetings to weigh the pros and cons. It felt right at the time. Choosing to take an economics course instead of one in computer science is likely to be based solely on an emotional reaction. But when your core values trump facts, you are likely to lose touch with reality as well as the needs for cautiousness and deliberation.

The opposite of making decisions based on intuition is not gathering huge amounts of information before making laborious decisions based on detailed knowledge and thorough analysis of a subject. That can become paralysis by analysis. Actually, the opposite of making decisions based on intuition involves following a strategy that is less likely to lead to common errors in reasoning. Two common errors involve, first, subconsciously deciding what you want to do before figuring out why you want to do it. The second is the inclination to be more engaged by things you like than by things you dislike.

What guidelines are likely to improve your decision making? What methods are likely to put you in control of your life? The first guideline is to define the problem. Using input from both yourself and others, try to understand the causes that make you think there’s a problem. When, where, how, why, and with whom is it happening? Try to address the issue rather than the people, but the more narrowly the problem can be defined, the more likely it can be approached and resolved. Trying to make a decision, for example, about changing professions is an important one, but if the problem is narrowed to whether or not you want to accept a new job offer, it might be easier to deal with the questions of when, where, how, why, and with whom.

The second guideline is to look at potential causes for the problem. Once you realize how much you don’t know about what you don’t know, you will realize the importance of getting input from other people and gathering as much information as you can. When people make a decision to go on a cruise, it may seem to be an easy one to make based on whether or not they can afford it. But the decision gets more complicated when the cost of transportation to and from the cruise departure point is factored in, the possible need for a new wardrobe and other accessories, and the cost of tipping cruise-ship employees is counted. Missing important family events may even need to be considered.

The third guideline is to identify alternatives for approaches to resolve the problem. When students consider going to college, for example, a major consideration is living arrangements. Brainstorming with others — collecting as many ideas as possible without judging them and then screening them to find the best idea — may include some creative ideas no single person could imagine. Living at home and commuting, dormitories, and apartments are common solutions, but co-ops, living with another family, or even purchasing — along with several others—an inexpensive home or condominium might be alternatives.

The fourth guideline is to select an approach to resolve the problem. Look for long term, realistic, affordable solutions that you have enough time and resources to implement. The fourth guideline flows easily into the fifth, which is to plan the implementation. A key question is, “What will the situation look like when the problem is solved?” Specifically plan the steps that need to be taken to implement the best alternative. What systems or processes need to be changed to accommodate the new policy, procedure, or approach? How will you know if the steps are being followed, and what resources are needed.

The sixth and seventh guidelines include monitoring the implementation of the plan to see if you are getting what you expect. Will the plan be done according to schedule? Is there any need for a change in the plan? Finally, verify if the problem has been resolved or not? What changes should be made to avoid this type of problem in the future? What did you learn from this situation? Was there new knowledge? Understanding? Skills?

Only by making rational decisions will you take charge of your life. The point of having guidelines in place is to avoid making decisions sloppily, by default, or from the gut. Guidelines, too, will help you avoid irrational ideas, false assumptions, fear, needs, and other emotions that block good decision-making.

Finally, having guidelines will reduce the level of stress you will experience when faced with having to make decisions. You don’t ignore your intuition. There is no question that our bodies provide clues to the right decisions through our feelings and gut reactions. But, you aren’t a slave to it; you simply use it to inform, enlighten, and, perhaps, reinforce (add information to) your rational decision-making processes. Good decision making means following a step-by-step pattern.
-----
At Ezine@rticles.com, Daniel Teayagu has a useful, practical, brief essay entitled, “How to be a good decision maker,” with five specific suggestions or guidelines.

“Becoming a Better Decision Maker,” is an excellent website that suggests that if readers “follow these ten basic steps, you will find yourself making wiser decisions, both in your professional as well as your personal life.” After discussing the ten steps, the site offers “a list of the most common decision-making mistakes. By learning about these pitfalls now, you will be able to avoid them in the future.
-----
Copyright December, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about." ---Benjamin Lee Whorf

Day #110 - Take care in the language you choose to use.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday’s essay is called, “‘Are you a good decision maker? Are you in charge of your life? ” We all make decisions, and we make them all the time; however, when it comes to the important decisions in our lives, the way we make those decisions can have significant and long-lasting consequences. Test yourself; do you make good decisions. Whether you do or not will determine whether you are in charge of your life.

Share your link. Have you written anything about making decisions? Have you discovered a way for making good decisions — and knowing they are good? Do you know someone who is a really good decision maker? Can you share some insights about how to make decisions and how to test if they are good? What would you like to tell people about decision making? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.

Click here to LINK your And Then Some story

Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
Are you a good decision maker? Are you in charge of your life?
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:

Only by making rational decisions will you take charge of your life. The point of having guidelines in place is to avoid making decisions sloppily, by default, or from the gut. Guidelines, too, will help you avoid irrational ideas, false assumptions, fear, needs, and other emotions that block good decision-making. Finally, having guidelines will reduce the level of stress you will experience when faced with having to make decisions. You don’t ignore your intuition. There is no question that our bodies provide clues to the right decisions through our feelings and gut reactions. But, you aren’t a slave to it; you simply use it to inform, enlighten, and, perhaps, reinforce (add information to) your rational decision-making processes. Good decision making means following a step-by-step pattern.

---

And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!

Book Review Mondays

More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below:

In search of Norman Rockwell’s America
by Kevin Rivoli, artwork by Norman Rockwell

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

Rivoli is a photojournalist “who has photographed everyone from professional sports stars to presidents. But his favorite subjects have always been ordinary people doing ordinary things” (from the back page of the book jacket). Ordinary people are the focus for his camera in this volume, and how he matches images with Rockwell’s art is intriguing and ingenious. Rockwell’s artwork is iconic, and Rivoli’s photography is not just outstanding, it is stunning. He successfully captures the spirit of Rockwell’s America. Jimmy Moore ended his very positive review of the book saying: “Norman Rockwell's paintings are like Elvis Presley's music. The older it gets, the more you appreciate the magnitude of the brilliance that makes it timeless. THANK YOU Kevin Rivoli for reminding us that the American spirit that Normal Rockwell portrayed so clearly is alive and well today!” And I would just like to add a second “thank you” to the one by Moore. This volume makes a perfect “coffee-table book,” and if you decide to buy it as a gift for someone or just for yourself, I will bet that anyone — and I mean anyone — who happens to see it, will want to turn its pages. It is truly a treasure that will be enjoyed for years and years.

More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below:

Get Motivated! Overcome Any Obstacle, Achieve Any Goal, and Accelerate Your Success with Motivational DNA
by Tamara Lowe

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

If you are looking for a book to get you going, choose this one. This is a readable, accessible, and specific book about motivation — “how you can motivate yourself and others, quickly and easily” (p. 5). Lowe’s work, as she states it, “is based on an eight-year study that [her] team . . . have conducted with more than 10,000 people. It is a research-based, systematic approach to achievement . . .” (p. 5). What Lowe and her team of researchers discovered is “that there are eighty-one specific things that people say motivate them — everything from love to money, from curiosity to contribution, from feeling valued to the fear of failure. By reducing these motivators to their most fundamental form, [she] discovered six factors that actually encompass all eighty-one motivators” (p. 11). Lowe’s book discusses motivational DNA, and the DNA stand for drives, needs, and awards: “Drives are the internal forces that mobilize a person to act.” “Needs are the core requirements that a person must have in order to feel fulfilled.” “Awards are the preferred remunerations that a person desires for achievement — the material, spiritual, and psychological currency that they want to be paid for performance” (p. 16). Her questionnaire in Chapter 2, and the way the results are interpreted (in the same chapter) reminded me a bit of the Wilson Learning testing and results. They appear sound, well-reasoned, and easy (and fun) to apply. I was skeptical when I began this book, because I have read dozens on the subject of motivation, but I was both surprised and appreciative of the work that Lowe has done and the way she has presented it to readers. If you want a serious (as opposed to frivolous) book on motivation, this one is truly worthwhile.

----

Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorksRules.com website.

Weekend Words

"There is always time to add a word, never to withdraw one." ---Baltasar Gracian

Keys to finding happiness

by Richard L. Weaver II

I have never been in search of happiness. Fortunately, for me and for members of my family (and extended family as well), happiness has been a characteristic most others associate with or attach to any description they give of any of us. That doesn’t mean we never have periods of unhappiness, live through times of depression, or experience sadness, sorrow, and dejection. We grieve, get upset, and get discouraged like everyone else; however, when one examines our overall temperament, mood, and spirit, it is truly buoyant, cheerful, and optimistic.

“Happy people keep a positive attitude by gracefully accepting sadness and suffering as normal parts of life, while doing what they can about their problems,” says Chuck T. Falcon at HealthyPlace.com — to be referred to later.

I recognize the good fortune of our family. Whether it is luck, genetic good-fortune, or the environment in which we live, it doesn’t matter; we tend to be happy people. And we recognize, at the same time, there are many in this world much less fortunate than we are. If I had just one suggestion — not nearly enough for some, it is true — it would be: When you think a negative thought, simply counter that thought with at least three positive thoughts. It's really that simple. You simply overwhelm it and, thus, overcome it, because when you control your thoughts you control your life.

“Your mind does not know the difference between the good and the bad thoughts that you put in it. It only knows to take in everything that you send it and store it and then what you dwell on allows your mind to begin the manifestation of your dominant thoughts.” This quotation comes from the website EzineArticles, in an essay by Delton Doucet entitled, “Negative Thoughts Negative Results.”

At the website, The Side Road, practical advice straight from the experts, Mary Ann Troiani has an essay entitled, “The Key To Happiness: Learning How To Be Optimistic And Happy,” in which she characterizes happiness as a learned skill.

In her essay Troiani offers “5 essentials to be ultra-motivated.” 1) You can only have one thought at a time, thus, concentrate on what you want to accomplish, 2) Expect the best by holding the belief that you will succeed, 3) Strong ambition. Here, Troiani says, “The finest way to develop strong ambition is for you to think about your goals, ambitions and things you want many, many times each day.” 4) Gumption to change how you think. “...Seize your opportunity to do things a bit differently.” and 5) Persistence. Troiani writes, “Fascinating research done at Stanford University proves that persistent people achieve more than their less persistent colleagues.” A large study of children found those with persistence exhibit the following additional characteristics: assertive, confident, likely to pursue challenges, able to handle frustration, likely not to give up when encountering obstacles, and willing to start and complete projects. These are characteristics which, when exhibited early, are likely to continue throughout one’s life.

One of the primary ways to find happiness is to develop interests and activities. “Interests and activities are very important in mental health, contributing to self-esteem and happiness. They give satisfaction, help make you feel good about yourself, and keep your mind off problems and negative thoughts and emotions. Simply cultivating them can sometimes cure depression, grief, addiction, explosive anger, anxiety, excessive worrying, or guilt, especially if you do the activities whenever you feel the negative emotion.” At HealthyPlace.com, in an essay, “Overcoming Depression and Finding Happiness,” Chuck T. Falcon, a counseling psychologist wrote these words about finding interests and activities.

At LifeOrganizer, Donald Latumahina has a wonderful essay, “Finding Happiness: 20 Ways to Achieve Happiness in Life,” who supports the contention, “your happiness is your responsibility.” The twenty suggestions are short, specific, and easy to understand, and I repeat them here because of their value and worth: 1) Stop comparing yourself with others, 2) Count your blessings, 3) Find your inner voice, 4) Reconnect with your childhood dreams, 5) Help someone, 6) Spend more time with loved ones, 7) Apply the five languages of love (words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch) 8) appreciate nature, 9) pray or meditate, 10) Know yourself, 11) Say thank you, 12) Smile, 13) Listen more than you speak, 14) Stop judging others, 15) Focus on what you can control, 16) Forgive yourself, 17) Forgive others, 18) Accept yourself, 19) Know how to deal with problems, 20) Be a promise keeper.

At the website zenhabits, the essay there, “A Guide to Escaping Materialism and Finding Happiness,” offers nine delightful suggestions for finding happiness: 1) Grateful list. Make a list of things about which you’re grateful in your life. Give thanks for them daily. 2) Think positive. Try eliminating negative thinking from your life, and thinking positive instead. 3) Small pleasures. Make a list of small things that give you great pleasure. Sprinkle them throughout your day. 4) Kindness. Practice random acts of kindness and compassion. Do it anonymously. Help those in need. Volunteer. Make someone smile. 5) Love. Make an intimate connection with your loved ones. Develop your friendships. Spend time with them, converse, understand them, make them happy. 6) Health. Exercise and eat healthy — it sounds trite, but it can bring great happiness to your life. 7) Meaning. It’s often useful to find meaning, either through a church or spiritual way, or through those we love in life or through the things we’re passionate about. Give yourself a purpose.
8) Flow. Eliminate distractions, and really pour yourself into whatever you’re doing. If it’s writing an article, like this one, really put yourself into it, until you forget the outside world. 9) Know yourself. Become attuned to what brings you happiness. Study yourself. Learn about what you love, and about your ability to love. Increase your capacity for compassion.

Happiness is a learned skill. The suggestions here are practical, worthwhile, and useful. If you learned them, accepted them, and applied them to your life, you would — without a doubt — find happiness.
-----
At Anxieties.com, the excellent essay, “Stopping the negative oberserver,” offers five ideas for handling worries as “noise”: 1. Listen for your worried, self-critical, or hopeless thoughts. 2. Decide that you want to stop them. ("Are these thoughts helping me?") 3. Reinforce your decision through supportive comments ("I can let go of these thoughts.") 4. Mentally yell "stop!" (Snap rubber band on wrist.) 5. Begin Calming Counts.

At the News Blaze website, the essay by Michael Torchia, “How Negative Thinking Has Programmed US to Make Poor Choices,” Torchia makes a number of suggestions for change. He ends his essay saying: “Pay attention to that little voice in your head. It will keep you from making the wrong decisions. Don't override these warnings and force things to happen. Let your life choices come naturally.”

The website referred to in the essay HealthyPlace.com, and the essay there, “Overcoming Depression and Finding Happiness,” by Chuck T. Falcon, a counseling psychologist, is worth a read for its depth, discussion, and practical suggestions.
-----
Copyright December, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L. C.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"Young men think old men are fools; but old men know young men are fools." ---Truman Capote

Day #109 - Think young: add more years to your life.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday’s essay is called, “‘Keys to finding happiness.” What are the keys? There are many; thus, why not offer a smorgasbord and let readers cherry pick the best from a variety of sources? This essay offers some specific, practical suggestions for finding happiness, and I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had in locating the sources for it.

Share your link. Have you written anything about finding happiness? Have you discovered a key or keys? Or, have you been on the receiving or giving end of happiness? Can you share some insights about those times when you have given or received happiness and how it feels to be on the giving or receiving end? What would you like to tell people about keys to happiness? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.

Click here to LINK your And Then Some story

Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
Keys to finding happiness
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:

I recognize the good fortune of our family. Whether it is luck, genetic good-fortune, or the environment in which we live, it doesn’t matter; we tend to be happy people. And we recognize, at the same time, there are many in this world much less fortunate than we are. If I had just one suggestion — not nearly enough for some, it is true — it would be: When you think a negative thought, simply counter that thought with at least three positive thoughts. It's really that simple. You simply overwhelm it and, thus, overcome it, because when you control your thoughts you control your life.

---

And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!

Book Review Mondays

More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below:

Gross national happiness: Why happiness matters for America — and how we can get more of it
by Arthur C. Brooks

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

Brooks is a professor of business and government policy at Syracuse University’s Maxwell School of Citizenship and Public Affairs and Whitman School of Management. With 32 pages of notes, Brooks does not rely on anecdotal information to make his arguments, he depends on solid research. Using engaging statistics and valuable examples, he offers an authoritative account of the social bases of happiness. There are two parts to this book: 1) The Culture of Happiness, and 2) The Economics of Happiness. Individual chapter titles will let you know if this book is for you (there are four in each part): 1) The politics of happiness, 2) Happiness is a gift from above, 3) Is happiness a family value?, 4) Staying happy in the age of freedom and insecurity. Part 2 includes: 5) Does money buy happiness?, 6) Inequality and (Un)happiness in America, 7) Happiness is a full-time job, and 8) The secret to buying happiness. Brooks says, “So at least 50 percent of one’s happiness level is a given [genetic], the product of nature. If less than half is subject to outside influence, or nurture, can an investigation of the values associated with happy people really be that useful? Is there any point to gathering this information? The answer, I believe, is ‘yes’” (p. 11). And this book supplies the content for affecting the other 50%. This is a well-written, thoroughly documented, interesting examination, that is worth your serious attention.

More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below:

How to Live: A Search for Wisdom from Old People (While they are still on this earth)

by Henry Alford

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

In this 262-page book, Alford engages in a quest for the answer to the question, “What is wisdom?” — or, at the least, insights into wisdom from elderly people who he judged to possess it. After all, it has been defined, variously, as accumulated knowledge or erudition or enlightenment, the trait of utilizing knowledge and experience with common sense and insight, and the quality of being prudent and sensible; thus, you would expect older people to offer wisdom. Personally, I’ve always believed it was better to see it in results or actions rather than in expressed opinions about or insights into its meaning. You read an author, and you get a sense of how wise and sensible he or she is. You see an action or activity, like the judgments of a coach as displayed on the court, and you gain a sense of that coach’s wise advice. Alford’s pursuit, however, is instructive, interesting, and enjoyable. I would label this book, “a fun adventure.” Some of those he interviewed included Harold Bloom (in a fairly academic discussion), Edward Albee, Setuko Nishi (a sociologist who, during World War II, was put in an internment camp), Sylvia Miles (an interview and tour of pure fluff), and Phyllis Diller. Albee was quoted as saying, “Maybe [wisdom is] finally being able to figure out what you should be worrying about and what you shouldn’t be worrying about” (p. 183). I found Alford’s asides delightful, such as, “I read in William F. Buckley’s obituary that the papers the archconservative had bequeathed to Yale weighed seven tons” (p. 71). The chapters throughout are interspersed with those about his mother, a former social worker, and Will, his stepfather, one of the country’s few authroities on coal gasification. Although these stories were interesting, I was far more interested in what others had to say, although Alford’s approach and discipline in obtaining the information he sought, was rather random and haphazard. Despite that, this is an interesting read.

----

Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorksRules.com website.

Weekend Words

"If a fool can hold his tongue, even he can pass for wise; and pass for clever if he keeps his lips tight shut." ---The Bible, Proverbs 17:28

Delivering effective constructive criticism is an art

by Richard L. Weaver II

Because I taught speech-communication courses for my entire professional life, I either delivered constructive criticism to my students, or I taught graduate students how to effectively use constructive criticism with their students.

Just as writing is an extension of ourselves, our speech is, too. What this means is that as much as we may believe when we are evaluating another person’s writing or speaking, we are criticizing something they have constructed — that is outside of them — we are really judging them. A judgment rendered of another person’s writing or speaking is a judgment of them as a person.

The reason this is important is that it should help those in the criticism business to use caution, to be sensitive, and to show respect. This is especially important when the criticism is to be delivered publicly, in the presence of others — especially when those others happen to be peers.

With the popularity of the television show “American Idol,” and the numerous “look-alike” programs, public criticism, appraisal, and evaluation have been thrust into the public’s consciousness.

Because I am a writer, whether it is essays such as this, academic articles, speeches, or books, I am often on the receiving end of a great deal of criticism. This has placed me, as well, in the position of being asked to deliver criticism to others — family and friends. The only reason I mention this is because it positions me uniquely: sharing my own reactions to what I receive and sharing the cautions and constraints under which I operate when delivering criticism to others.

Criticism is one of the tools by which we are fashioned for better things.

In looking for a place to study for my Ph.D., I asked people who would be the toughest and most rigorous faculty member to have as my graduate advisor, and I enrolled at Indiana University with the sole purpose of having this person as my counselor, guide, and mentor. I sought out criticism. From that point on, I no longer had to invite it, it became part and parcel of the interaction I had with my advisor.

Overarching guidelines for giving criticism include delivering it in private when possible. Beyond that, it is important never to sound threatening, focus on the other person's personality, nor overstate the problem by using words such as “always,” “never,” or “worst.” In addition, keep the criticism balanced and keep focused on the problem.

Additional guidelines include giving criticism soon after the event, sticking to one subject rather than stringing together a number of criticisms, not reminding anyone of previous instances that are either resolved or unresolved, and using the “I” mode (“As I see it...,” “I think your best approach would be...,” or “If I were doing it, I think....”).

The events that triggered my interest in writing this essay include a number of instances witnessed on “American Idol” when contestants reveal belligerence, hostility, aggression, and confrontation when criticized. Most hostility, as anyone knows who has watched this reality show, has been directed toward Simon Cowell, one of the judges of contestants

Simon Cowell’s critiques are often the most accurate, less varnished, and most realistic of those given. Contestants appear by their choice. They are choosing to enter one of the toughest professions in the world, and one of critics' jobs is to offer them a realistic view regarding their choice of going into this profession and their chance for success.

An important aspect of any delivered criticism is how it is received. The older I get, the more I realize how little I know. But, I have always believed that I just don’t “measure up,” and with this outlook, I guess I never will. It’s a little like wisdom: “At what point do you become wise?”

Nothing makes most people bristle more quickly than unfair, unskillful, or unsolicited criticism.

When delivered well, most people will welcome feedback, and most, too, will listen to it. When receiving criticism it is important to maintain eye contact with the other person and an open body language. For example, it is best not to cross your arms, turn away from the other person, or reveal any contrary, antagonistic, or hostile attitudes or facial expressions. Rolling your eyes is an obvious, easily perceived, negative reaction.

These rules for receiving criticism are obvious and easy to accomplish. To make critical comments useful, you need to do more.

First, restate the criticism to make certain you understand it. Restatement also reveals a receptive attitude, and it may garner further clarifications or helpful comments. Second, view the criticism as an attempt to fix a problem rather than as a personal attack.

Because of the comments made at the opening of this essay, it is easy to view any negative criticism of your writing or speaking as an attack on your character. If this occurs, a natural reaction is hostility and retaliation—which may include name calling, comments like, “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” or a quick, negative, nonverbal expression and a retreat from the situation.

If you have been able to follow these rules for receiving criticism, then the final one, perhaps, is the most important. You need to discover a solution or solutions to each of them. Effective constructive criticism should prompt constructive change. That is what results in growth and development.

Being critical is easy, and offering criticism is easier still. But, delivering effective constructive criticism, when compared with nagging, nit-picking, and negativity, is truly an art. Feedback is critical for everyone, and it can serve as a valuable lesson. When critics offer comments from a foundation of sensitivity, trust, and respect, when they refrain from arrogance, threat, and emotion, and when their intentions and expectations are clear, their criticism becomes most valuable, and the art becomes obvious.
-----
At BankersOnline.com , Dr. Barton Goldsmith has an essay, “10 Tips for Delivering (Constructive) Criticism: Giving staff the feedback that they need and want,” Goldsmith’s 10 items are: 1) Take an honest look at where you're coming from. 2) Start and end with a compliment. 3) Listen to your own voice. 4) Eye contact is important It helps both of you stay focused and it communicates sincerity. 5) Choose the best time and place. 6) Do your best to avoid hurting your anyone's feelings. 7) Talk about the behavior not the person. 8) Use gentle humor if possible. 9) Work with your team member to improve the situation. 10) Don't harp. Once you have asked for what you need from your team members.

At About.Com: Race Relations , there is a short essay entitled, “How To Deliver Constructive Feedback in an Interculturally Sensitive Manner.” At this site there are six suggestions for delivering constructive feedback. It is worth a read.

At TheWorshipCommunity website , Russ Hutto uses the comments of the American Idol judges to characterize different styles for delivering criticism in his essay, “Constructive Criticsm: Are You Simon, Paula, or Randy?.”
-----
Copyright December, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"You have no control over what the other guy does. You only have control over what you do." ---A. J. Kitt

Day #108 - Compete only with yourself.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday’s essay is called, “‘Delivering effective constructive criticism is an art.” If you watch the reality shows where judges criticize the performance or activity of others, you certainly have been exposed to the delivery of constructive criticism (good and bad), and you probably have some feelings about what you have witnessed. This essay offers some specific, practical suggestions for offering criticism in a positive, reinforcing, and healthy manner.

Share your link. Have you written anything about delivering effective constructive criticism? Or, have you been on the receiving end of constructive criticism? Can you share some insights about those times when you have given or received criticism and how it feels to be on the giving or receiving end? What would you like to tell people about delivering criticism? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.

Click here to LINK your And Then Some story

Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
Delivering effective constructive criticism is an art
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:

Being critical is easy, and offering criticism is easier still. But, delivering effective constructive criticism, when compared with nagging, nit-picking, and negativity, is truly an art. Feedback is critical for everyone, and it can serve as a valuable lesson. When critics offer comments from a foundation of sensitivity, trust, and respect, when they refrain from arrogance, threat, and emotion, and when their intentions and expectations are clear, their criticism becomes most valuable, and the art becomes obvious.

---

And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!