Keys to finding happiness

by Richard L. Weaver II

I have never been in search of happiness. Fortunately, for me and for members of my family (and extended family as well), happiness has been a characteristic most others associate with or attach to any description they give of any of us. That doesn’t mean we never have periods of unhappiness, live through times of depression, or experience sadness, sorrow, and dejection. We grieve, get upset, and get discouraged like everyone else; however, when one examines our overall temperament, mood, and spirit, it is truly buoyant, cheerful, and optimistic.

“Happy people keep a positive attitude by gracefully accepting sadness and suffering as normal parts of life, while doing what they can about their problems,” says Chuck T. Falcon at HealthyPlace.com — to be referred to later.

I recognize the good fortune of our family. Whether it is luck, genetic good-fortune, or the environment in which we live, it doesn’t matter; we tend to be happy people. And we recognize, at the same time, there are many in this world much less fortunate than we are. If I had just one suggestion — not nearly enough for some, it is true — it would be: When you think a negative thought, simply counter that thought with at least three positive thoughts. It's really that simple. You simply overwhelm it and, thus, overcome it, because when you control your thoughts you control your life.

“Your mind does not know the difference between the good and the bad thoughts that you put in it. It only knows to take in everything that you send it and store it and then what you dwell on allows your mind to begin the manifestation of your dominant thoughts.” This quotation comes from the website EzineArticles, in an essay by Delton Doucet entitled, “Negative Thoughts Negative Results.”

At the website, The Side Road, practical advice straight from the experts, Mary Ann Troiani has an essay entitled, “The Key To Happiness: Learning How To Be Optimistic And Happy,” in which she characterizes happiness as a learned skill.

In her essay Troiani offers “5 essentials to be ultra-motivated.” 1) You can only have one thought at a time, thus, concentrate on what you want to accomplish, 2) Expect the best by holding the belief that you will succeed, 3) Strong ambition. Here, Troiani says, “The finest way to develop strong ambition is for you to think about your goals, ambitions and things you want many, many times each day.” 4) Gumption to change how you think. “...Seize your opportunity to do things a bit differently.” and 5) Persistence. Troiani writes, “Fascinating research done at Stanford University proves that persistent people achieve more than their less persistent colleagues.” A large study of children found those with persistence exhibit the following additional characteristics: assertive, confident, likely to pursue challenges, able to handle frustration, likely not to give up when encountering obstacles, and willing to start and complete projects. These are characteristics which, when exhibited early, are likely to continue throughout one’s life.

One of the primary ways to find happiness is to develop interests and activities. “Interests and activities are very important in mental health, contributing to self-esteem and happiness. They give satisfaction, help make you feel good about yourself, and keep your mind off problems and negative thoughts and emotions. Simply cultivating them can sometimes cure depression, grief, addiction, explosive anger, anxiety, excessive worrying, or guilt, especially if you do the activities whenever you feel the negative emotion.” At HealthyPlace.com, in an essay, “Overcoming Depression and Finding Happiness,” Chuck T. Falcon, a counseling psychologist wrote these words about finding interests and activities.

At LifeOrganizer, Donald Latumahina has a wonderful essay, “Finding Happiness: 20 Ways to Achieve Happiness in Life,” who supports the contention, “your happiness is your responsibility.” The twenty suggestions are short, specific, and easy to understand, and I repeat them here because of their value and worth: 1) Stop comparing yourself with others, 2) Count your blessings, 3) Find your inner voice, 4) Reconnect with your childhood dreams, 5) Help someone, 6) Spend more time with loved ones, 7) Apply the five languages of love (words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch) 8) appreciate nature, 9) pray or meditate, 10) Know yourself, 11) Say thank you, 12) Smile, 13) Listen more than you speak, 14) Stop judging others, 15) Focus on what you can control, 16) Forgive yourself, 17) Forgive others, 18) Accept yourself, 19) Know how to deal with problems, 20) Be a promise keeper.

At the website zenhabits, the essay there, “A Guide to Escaping Materialism and Finding Happiness,” offers nine delightful suggestions for finding happiness: 1) Grateful list. Make a list of things about which you’re grateful in your life. Give thanks for them daily. 2) Think positive. Try eliminating negative thinking from your life, and thinking positive instead. 3) Small pleasures. Make a list of small things that give you great pleasure. Sprinkle them throughout your day. 4) Kindness. Practice random acts of kindness and compassion. Do it anonymously. Help those in need. Volunteer. Make someone smile. 5) Love. Make an intimate connection with your loved ones. Develop your friendships. Spend time with them, converse, understand them, make them happy. 6) Health. Exercise and eat healthy — it sounds trite, but it can bring great happiness to your life. 7) Meaning. It’s often useful to find meaning, either through a church or spiritual way, or through those we love in life or through the things we’re passionate about. Give yourself a purpose.
8) Flow. Eliminate distractions, and really pour yourself into whatever you’re doing. If it’s writing an article, like this one, really put yourself into it, until you forget the outside world. 9) Know yourself. Become attuned to what brings you happiness. Study yourself. Learn about what you love, and about your ability to love. Increase your capacity for compassion.

Happiness is a learned skill. The suggestions here are practical, worthwhile, and useful. If you learned them, accepted them, and applied them to your life, you would — without a doubt — find happiness.
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At Anxieties.com, the excellent essay, “Stopping the negative oberserver,” offers five ideas for handling worries as “noise”: 1. Listen for your worried, self-critical, or hopeless thoughts. 2. Decide that you want to stop them. ("Are these thoughts helping me?") 3. Reinforce your decision through supportive comments ("I can let go of these thoughts.") 4. Mentally yell "stop!" (Snap rubber band on wrist.) 5. Begin Calming Counts.

At the News Blaze website, the essay by Michael Torchia, “How Negative Thinking Has Programmed US to Make Poor Choices,” Torchia makes a number of suggestions for change. He ends his essay saying: “Pay attention to that little voice in your head. It will keep you from making the wrong decisions. Don't override these warnings and force things to happen. Let your life choices come naturally.”

The website referred to in the essay HealthyPlace.com, and the essay there, “Overcoming Depression and Finding Happiness,” by Chuck T. Falcon, a counseling psychologist, is worth a read for its depth, discussion, and practical suggestions.
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Copyright December, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L. C.