The favorite child: How a favorite impacts every family member for life

By Ellen Weber Libby


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


This is an excellent book.  The reason I picked it up is simply because I felt I fit into her category (a favorite child).  I knew that of the three children in my family (I have an older and a younger sister), I was my mother’s favorite (definitely not by father’s — my father’s favorite was my younger sister.


This is a highly readable, well-organized, very insightful, well-researched, illuminating book, that is full of specific examples (case studies) from Libby’s thirty years as a clinical psychologist and her 60,000 hours of treatment of and for her clients.  You read, in some detail about families, parents, their children, and sibling rivalry.  Very engaging.


Personally, I think my anointment as a favorite child fostered precisely the traits Libby discusses: ambition, self-confidence, power, and a desire to serve.  I consider myself fortunate to have escaped some of the destructive dispositions such as a sense of entitlement and exemptions from the rules governing everyone else.  In my life, which may well be (and is likely to be) an exception, I feel I have capitalized on the positive traits of ambition and self-confidence that I have truly earned what I have accomplished (without entitlement and without exemptions).  Also, my family contributed substantially to my upbringing and the balance they provided between the constructive and destructive traits.  Libby writes about this at the end of her book when she said, “The importance of open expression of feeling and honest communication with these families [where balance occurred] was valued” (p. 273).  Of course, one example (my own) proves nothing.


We all grew up in families, thus, there is information here that applies to everyone.  If there is a thought that some of the information may not apply, then, to be sure, the material offers tremendous insights into others and why they behave as they do.


“Favoritism,” Libby writes as her final paragraph, “is normal in families.  Being the favorite child has benefits for the child as well as for society.  The burdens accompanying favoritism are also substantial but can be mitigated by respectful relationships among the adults who are in a position to influence the growth of the child.  In taking on this challenge, the challenge of bringing up children with the confidence and power inherent in being favored while also holding these children accountable for their behaviors, parents contribute positively to the characters of their children—our future leaders in all spheres of society” (p. 273).


Not only does the paragraph above give you a sample of her writing, but it demonstrates the power wielded by favorite children and the value of contributing parents and families to the growth of their children.  This is a valuable book that makes a substantial contribution to understanding family dynamics.


This book is available at Amazon.com: The favorite child: How a favorite impacts every family member for life

LAUGH . . . And Then Some

Why does someone believe you when you say there are ten billion-trillion stars, but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?


Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?


The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #279 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

The storms of life

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

I remember vividly the circumstances surrounding my father’s death just about 16 years ago.  I remember divorces, retirement, and dealing with my wife’s mother’s death.  These are some of “the storms of life” that have affected my life.  Fortunately, in all the cases, I seemed to have (a judgment I am making in retrospect) the resources necessary to face and survive the storms.  It is only in retrospect now that I am able to look back and analyze how I survived.
    
What are our resources — on what can we depend — when we find ourselves faced with “the storms of life”?  We have the resources, and we prove that we have them time after time after time; however, daily preparation in building our resources is essential, and the more resources we accumulate over time, the more prepared we are to face the storms of life.  That is, our resources are enhanced, underscored, and buttressed when we have sufficiently prepared ourselves when times are good.  Ezra Pound said, “A slave is one who waits for someone else to come and free him.”  The point of this essay is how you can set yourself free — free to depend on yourself and your resources to face the storms of life.
    
Preparation is the key, but you must remember that quick cures seldom last.  That is, the kind of preparation advocated in this essay involves deep changes, and these changes take time and effort and cannot be done spur-of-the-moment or just when the storms hit.
    
Preparation is like an insurance policy.  You pay into it throughout your life, and on a daily basis, hoping, of course, that you will never have to use it.  But, during any storm of life, the insurance policy is there to cover you.  Some storms are worse than others so in some cases you will need to draw out more from the insurance policy than at other times.
    
How do you pay into this insurance policy?  Financially, you create a “rainy day fund” that you have available.  You may even make certain that your actual, real insurance policy for your automobiles and your house and belongings is paid up, current, and available.  That seems like an automatic, intuitive thing that everyone does almost without thinking.  (Most insurance companies make it very clear when premiums are due.)
    
There are many other ingredients (besides finances), and no one ingredient is necessarily better or more important than another.  They weigh differently in different people’s lives.  One may be sufficient, it is true, to get us through, but I would contend that it is probably the aggregate of ingredients working together that provide the assistance and support needed.
    
After finances, the second major ingredient is having a support group.  In a USA Today article, “Happiness is having friends at church” (USA Today, December 7, 2010, p. 7D), a study originally published in the December (2010) issue of the American Sociological Review by Chaeyoon Lim, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, was reported.  The study’s conclusion, provided in the first paragraph of the USA Today article, states: “Attending religious services regularly and having close friends in the congregation are key to having a happier, more satisfying life . . .” (p. 7D).  The study does not report “what aspect of religiousness — church attendance, prayer, theology or spirituality — accounts for this level of life satisfaction”; however, the study does report that “the social aspect of religion and a shared religious connection built around identity and belonging” is a key factor.
    
What is amazing about Lim’s study is that “90% of the correlation between church attendance and life satisfaction can be explained if you have these close interactions” (p. 7D).  What a testimony for involved church attendance, and what a testimony, too, for having such close interactions when it comes to the storms of life.  They become your safety net.
    
Of course it doesn’t have to be just religion or religious connections that will provide the safety net when the storms occur.  Making certain you have established and continue to nourish your ties with friends, family, and neighbors as well as co-workers, business associates, and other community contacts is important as well.  These are the very people likely to come to your aid when the storms hit.  Isolation from these associations cannot offer similar outcomes.
    
There is a third area of preparation in addition to finances and people-to-people connections, however, and that involves staying informed.  You never know when having knowledge and information will prove essential.  No, you may not need it; however, survival knowledge or where to go for help may, indeed be all you need to know.  Broad bases of knowledge about how others have survived similar storms may be all that is needed.
    
Read widely, keep your eyes and ears open and alert, listen to the news, be aware of what other people say and do, and always stay informed, up-to-date, and enlightened.  Be the sharpest knife in the drawer, the brightest bulb in the fixture, and the highest point on the weather vane.
    
The fourth area of preparation has been a common theme in many of my essays, and there is a whole chapter on it in my book You Rules - Caution: Contents Leads to a Better Life and that is to be physically prepared.  Remember, too, that physical preparation closely relates to mental preparation.
    
Physical stamina is important because it allows you to do your best when facing the storms of life.  Your regular exercising, proper nutrition and body sustenance, as well as your sleep and conditioning will not just help you to be physically fit when a storm hits, but it will help as well to keep you thinking at your best.
    
Thinking at your best may mean seeking professional medical, psychological, financial, legal, or spiritual help when you realize they may be your best resource.  When you are in doubt, you should never endanger yourself by relying only on yourself and neglecting such experts.  In these cases, too, it is important to remember that it is how you go about choosing the experts and how you use what they have to offer that counts.
- - - - - - -
At the website Army Well-Being there is a wonderful essay by Rob Schuette, Fort McCoy Public Affairs, “Spiritual resiliency helps soldiers weather life's traumas.”  Schuette ends his essay saying, “People can prepare themselves to overcome traumatic events by developing self-confidence, leadership, personal strength, spiritual growth and an appreciation of life.”

At Yahoo! Answers one writer pours out his life in a piece entitled, “After trauma I have literally nothing to do with my life have nothing left and start over continuously..?”  What is interesting here is that, first, you will be drawn in to the writer’s plight.  Second, read the responses that readers have made.  There is some of what I have written about in my essay, but it is also said that there is no way to prepare for such intense trauma.  Read it for yourself; you’ll be glad you did.
- - - - - - - - -
Copyright October, 2011, by And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C.



   

Day #280 - Put your dreams into action.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"Begin today.  Quit putting off until tomorrow the dreams you have for today.  Stop thinking you have all kinds of time for hugging your grandchildren, using your best china, taking that long sought-after trip, making that expensive purchase, being nice to your neighbors, reconciling with your family members, or for anything else.  By beginning today, you put your dreams into action." --Richard L. Weaver II

Day #280 - Put your dreams into action.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.  This is one of four motivational quotations for Day #280.

Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday's Essay Preview

The first paragraph of the essay, "The storms of life," reads as follows: "I remember vividly the circumstances surrounding my father’s death just about 16 years ago.  I remember divorces, retirement, and dealing with my wife’s mother’s death.  These are some of “the storms of life” that have affected my life.  Fortunately, in all the cases, I seemed to have (a judgment I am making in retrospect) the resources necessary to face and survive the storms.  It is only in retrospect now that I am able to look back and analyze how I survived."
         
                                                                                                                                                                Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay

Thinking at your best may mean seeking professional medical, psychological, financial, legal, or spiritual help when you realize they may be your best resource.  When you are in doubt, you should never endanger yourself by relying only on yourself and neglecting such experts.  In these cases, too, it is important to remember that it is how you go about choosing the experts and how you use what they have to offer that counts.




And Then Some News

Lincoln and McClellan: The troubled partnership between a president and his general

By John C. Waugh


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

I thought so much of this title that I acquired it for my father-in-law, Edgar Willis, who is a Civil War buff, an historian, and a Lincoln “authority.”  I put that in quotation marks simply because he may not agree with my use of the word authority, here.  He is — and would agree with my assessment — an authority (without quotation marks) on Shakespeare or the history of humor in the media or even how to construct a joke (see his How to be Funny on Purpose: Creating and Consuming Humor).  He has read widely on Lincoln.


He thoroughly enjoyed this book and spoke highly of John C. Waugh’s writing.  He was unfamiliar with any previous works written by Waugh but would read any future books by him based simply on his enjoyment of this one.


Several things caught his attention in this book — things he shared with me in discussions after he finished it.  He thought the book was more about George McClellan than it was about Lincoln.  And, he realized too, that anyone who has read extensively on Lincoln or on the Civil War would probably not learn anything new from this book.  On the other hand, for anyone seeking an introduction to the Civil War, would find this great introductory material.


I found this last piece of information (the last sentence) fascinating for this reason.  Willis’s memoir of World War II, Civilian in an Ill-Fitting Uniform, although a memoir, serves as a wonderful introduction to World War II, and for those who want introductory information, Willis’ book would be a great beginning.


Willis enjoyed the contrast between Lincoln and McClellan.  Few books, Willis noted, (that he knows about) have dealt specifically with the unique relationship between Lincoln as Commander-in-Chief and McClellan as his general. 


With respect to the contrast between Lincoln and Mclellan, Waugh mentioned the fact that McClellan came from a patrician background.  He began as part of the elite of Philadelphia society, attended outstanding private schools, then the University of Pennsylvania and West Point.  At West Point he graduated second in his class, and because of his experiences and upbringing was both polished and refined. 


In contrast, Lincoln’s experiences and upbringing were diametrically opposed.  He was backwoods all the way.  Part of a hard-working frontier family and with little formal schooling, he had little polish and social refinement.


The contrast is important in the book for McClellan had little respect for Lincoln, and Lincoln’s suggestions to McClellan often fell on deaf ears.  Even Lincoln’s stroking of McClellan’s ego and his prods to get him moving did not work. 


McClellan’s primary weakness as the general responsible for the Union army in the East, was delay and postponement — risk adverse. Waugh makes it clear several times in the book that the Civil War could have ended several years earlier if McClellan would have been an effective general, would have followed Lincoln’s advice and encouragement, or acted decisively when circumstances dictated it.  Rather than acting decisively, over and over he found new reasons to delay and postpone any offensive.


The other thing Willis enjoyed in this 218-page (of text) book is Waugh’s use of research — too much research at times.  In addition to 8 pages of “Sources Cited,” there are 26 pages of notes. 


This is an extremely well-written, well-researched book that is thorough (covers the 15 months -- July 22, 1861 through November 6, 1862), interesting, detailed, and tells a fascinating story.

This book is available at Amazon.com: Lincoln and McClellan: The troubled partnership between a president and his general

LAUGH . . . And Then Some

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walked up to him and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #277 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

The true meaning of birthdays: Developing a receptivity to and capacity for wisdom

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

As I was getting dressed for church, the call came in on my cell phone, and when I answered, a chorus of youthful, cheerful, and well-prompted singers broke into their rendition of “Happy Birthday” to grandpa.  What a great way to begin the day — actually, any day — but particularly this one!

That alone could be the true meaning of birthdays, and this would be a very short essay!
    
When I was young I thought people my age were “really old,” but I have since changed that attitude for some strange reason!  (:-) — smiley emoticon here)
    
Chronological age does matter, and if someone doesn’t believe it, talk to them about what happens to the physical body as it ages.  Often, too, chronological age directly affects mental attitude.  As my daughter is fond of saying about almost anything (and this time it refers to age): “It is what it is!”  She’s incredibly accurate, and I promised her I would credit her with this phrase (now a well-worn cliche!) if I used it.
    
I don’t really think age itself is that important, but my wife has pointed out two things as I approach another decade milestone: “Do you realize just how many years we have left?”  Her second comment was, “We must travel while we still can.”
    
Both of her comments are true and must be recognized and honored — and obeyed.  When you are in good physical health it is hard to imagine life otherwise.
    
Speaking of life otherwise, we met a lovely, lively, active couple when cruising.  With them we felt comfortable, relaxed, and we so enjoyed their company, we decided to visit them on our Lake Superior, Canadian, fifth-wheel trip less than a year after meeting them.  The husband had just died and the wife had a debilitating stroke and was wheelchair bound and had difficulty speaking.  Situations like this one force you to face an uncomfortable reality.
    
That doesn’t, however, reflect on “the true meaning of birthdays.”  Their true meaning lies in the history, knowledge, and wisdom we gain with each passing year.  If you don’t think so, let me explain.    

I have found — over and over, I might add — that with growing older comes an additional history one doesn’t have or appreciate when younger.  History allows us to see things with greater perspective.  For example, I love seeing young people as they look to their future with hope, romance, and optimism.  I taught a large (300 students per semester) interpersonal communication class for many years, and I would solicit student responses on half sheets of paper each lecture period.  Asked questions about what they wanted, needed, or desired, they would respond honestly and directly.  Without any aggregate of events to support their viewpoints, they lacked perspective about how interpersonal relationships worked or the differences between males and females and what such differences mean.  Without a history, they did not yet take life seriously nor understand the purpose of knowing and learning as it related to their future.
    
Through reading, interacting, and learning we acquire the knowledge to resolve conflicts, solve problems, and make decisions.  What Sandra Carey said about the difference between knowledge and wisdom makes sense: “Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other helps you make a life.”  The older we become the more information and understanding we acquire.  It results from experience, practical ability, and skill.  But it has always been true that the mere acquisition of knowledge alone, is insufficient, as Carey points out in the quotation above.  There is little question about the strengths that knowledge has to offer, but it stops short of wisdom, even though it contributes significantly to its development.    
    
Wisdom involves good, practical judgement, and common sense.  Yes, there is a direct, positive correlation between knowledge and wisdom — the greater the knowledge, the greater the likelihood of true and right discernment.  One does not guarantee the other, but it certainly increases the likelihood.
    
If knowledge itself helps supply the information necessary for us to resolve conflicts, solve problems, and make decisions, it is wisdom that helps us decide which conflicts to resolve, the problems that deserve our attention, and the decisions that must be made.  Not only that, but wisdom helps, too, discern which resolutions, solutions, and decisions are the best ones.  Wisdom, then, is how we make appropriate use of knowledge.
    
The first clear indicator of when you become wise or when wisdom is revealing itself in your life is when the discovery occurs that you are responsible for your life and for your future.  It is a realization that usually occurs sometime during one’s education when you realize that it isn’t your teachers on whom you are dependent, it is you, yourself.  That is, whether you learn and what you learn is up to you.  Your teachers, just like books, parents, pastors, priests, experiences, etc., are simply purveyors of information.
    
The second clear indicator of when you become wise or when wisdom is revealing itself in your life is when you acquire a vision and purpose in your life.  It is true that others can have an influence in this, but, in the end, it is you and you alone who must acquire, adopt, and accept the vision for your life.  Without a vision and purpose, it is possible to wander aimlessly — a characteristic of the unwise and foolish.  Vision and purpose are the earmarks of both wisdom and power.
    
The third and final clear indicator of becoming wise and revealing wisdom is when you take action to realize both your vision and purpose.  Not to take action is foolish and unwise.  Taking action is the sign of those who not only live with purpose and direction, but they, too, are the ones who will make a difference and bring value to the world.
    
The true meaning of birthdays is the growth, development, and change we experience as we acquire the history and knowledge that wisdom requires.  Wisdom doesn’t automatically come with age, but with determination, persistence, patience, and observation we can make good use of the history and knowledge we acquire and thus develop a receptivity to and capacity for wisdom.
- - - - - -
I thought the definition of wisdom at the Wikipedia website is especially good for this essay: “Wisdom is a deep understanding and realizing of people, things, events or situations, resulting in the ability to choose or act to consistently produce the optimum results with a minimum of time and energy. It is the ability to optimally (effectively and efficiently) apply perceptions and knowledge and so produce the desired results. Wisdom is also the comprehension of what is true or right coupled with optimum judgment as to action. ”

“How to observe to acquire wisdom” is an essay at Ezinearticles  by Aasim Gill.  Gill’s ten ideas for improving observation are excellent: 1. Be calm.  2. Have the peace of mind.
3. Talk less.  4. See as much as possible.  5. Improve the movement of your eyes by seeing things one by one and slowly.  6. But you must respond to abrupt changes or movements.  7. The mind should be thinking fast and should not be slow or it may make you dull.  8. Act and behave as slow as the intelligence agents do in movies like James bond.  9. They all observe but they take very quick actions because they are using their mind very quickly.  10. During observation take long breaths consistently, gives oxygen to brain as a food and you will think better and fast.
- - - - - - -
Copyright October, 2011, by And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C.

Day #279 - Have confidence in your ability.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can't accomplish it.  You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through." --Rosalyn Carter

Day #279 - Have confidence in your ability.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.  This is one of six motivational quotations for Day #279.

Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday's Essay Preview

The first paragraph of the essay, "The true meaning of birthdays: Developing a receptivity to and capacity for wisdom," reads as follows: "As I was getting dressed for church, the call came in on my cell phone, and when I answered, a chorus of youthful, cheerful, and well-prompted singers broke into their rendition of “Happy Birthday” to grandpa.  What a great way to begin the day — actually, any day — but particularly this one.

That alone could be the true meaning of birthdays, and this would be a very short essay!"

                                                                                                                                                               

Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay

The true meaning of birthdays is the growth, development, and change we experience as we acquire the history and knowledge that wisdom requires.  Wisdom doesn’t automatically come with age, but with determination, persistence, patience, and observation we can make good use of the history and knowledge we acquire and thus develop a receptivity to and capacity for wisdom.



And Then Some News

Venus on fire, mars on ice: Hormonal balance — The key to life, love, and energy

By John Gray


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


I have been writing about relationships for many years.  My book, Understanding Interpersonal Communication (now out of print) went through seven editions and always included at least two chapters on interpersonal relationships.  Thus, I am familiar with the related literature and always interested in new developments.


That paragraph explains why I might have an interest in Gray’s new book.  Also, I feel that any book that will help people form, develop, and maintain healthy relationships can be (should be!) a useful tool for relationship partners — especially when it is as fundamental and practical as this one.


With numerous sets of male-female explanatory dialog, sentence inserts that offer key phrases, tables that illustrate key concepts, bulleted lists that aid comprehension, many real-life examples from Gray’s seminars and practice, important summaries when they are needed, this book literally begs for reader understanding.


Clearly, from the writing, the illustrations, and the advice, it is written for a lay audience — the same audience, I might add, for which his best selling book, Man are from Mars, Women are from Venus, was intended.  I say this simply to indicate that this is not a sophisticated book nor is it scientifically obtuse — although when you are explaining hormones and hormonal behavior it certainly could be.  Note the following paragraph from page 45:


        “Over the past 10 years, researchers at a variety of universities in Canada have developed and researched a new compound called PolyGlycopleX * (PGX*), a unique complex of water-soluble polysaccharides (plant fibers) that can help reduce blood sugar fluctuations”. . . (p. 45).


Incidentally, this is not typical prose, just an example of one explanation.  Most others are considerably simpler; however, Gray’s understanding of biochemical research and its applications is impressive.  There are so many facts in this book relevant to the success of relationships (or, at the very least, the understanding of relationships) that these facts could well be one’s only excuse (need) for reading it:


        “What’s more, he may become needy.  Did you know that the average man at 58 makes more estrogen than his woman does?  It’s true, and the estrogen — combined with his continuing lack of testosterone — tends to make him more prone to sharing his woes with his woman” (p. 161).


Now, the part of the book I found most interesting is Chapter 10, “Super Fuell to Balance the Planets—Nutrition for Healthy Hormones.”  One interesting point is Gray’s approach: “Do as I say, and as I do.”  Follow the guidelines, and you will fall in line right behind Gray himself.  Although I have no trouble with Step One (water, sea salt, lemon, aloe vera, and plant-sourced enzymes), in Step Two the ingredients that go into his “daily shake” (maca power, goji berries, PGX, caco nibs, a ai berries, coconut oil, stevia, and molasses) would be quite a stretch for most people (and, thus, not followed!).  Step Three (includes magnesium orotate or citrate, calcium orotate or citrate, potassium citrate, zinc orotate or citrate, chromium, and trace minerals) would also create some public concern.


You can love the book for all its connections between hormones and relationship effectiveness, but when it comes down to the nutritional elements “necessary” to mend the stress problems relationship partners may experience, I think most readers would want to solve their nutritional needs in a local grocery store and purchases they can make without going to pills, powders, and ingredients in vials and small brown bottles.


Although the tips for improving sleep patterns (pp. 195-197) are well-known (except perhaps for the use of the superfood PGX* with dinner), it is good to have them spelled out in detail here.


I thought Gray’s “18 Essential Sources of Love and Support” (pp. 211-225) were excellent — even though, once again, they are commonplace suggestions.


My one major weakness of the book is the lack of sources.  There are no page-by-page footnotes, notes listed at the back of the book, bibliography, sources cited, or even recommended sources.  I think this would add a great deal of strength to the book, and it would provide those interested, places to go to gain further information, related ideas, or even more support and evidence.  It is likely that most readers of the book would not be concerned about this, and it is unlikely to affect the sales of this book; however, it is a bit much to expect readers to assume that all of the information came from the author alone.  Of course, Gray has a great deal of credibility — especially with the popularity of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but that is no excuse for not including sources in this book.


This is, for the most part, an excellent read, and as I said earlier, any book that contributes to relationship harmony is welcomed.


This book can be found at Amazon.com: Venus on fire, mars on ice: Hormonal balance — The key to life, love, and energy

LAUGH . . . And Then Some

Big inspection on a building site.

The boss tells workers: "Whatever happens, just act as usual."

The inspection committee was inspecting when a wall just collapses.

(Worker, looking at his watch) --- "10:15, just on time! "

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #273 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

When the day is done . . .

By Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

It doesn’t take that much to convince me that I’ve had a successful day.  One day I repaired a hole in the side of my daughter’s house.  Although it was only 3-inches by 3-inches by 1 1/2-inches deep, it took a couple of hours to cut a block of wood to fit into the hole, shape a piece of aluminum flashing to cover the wood piece and more of the rotting wood, screw the flashing to the wood behind one of her gutters with treated screws so they wouldn’t rust, and then seal the area with silicon to protect it from further water penetration.

One day my wife wanted a 24-inch round table about 24-inches off the floor to use for her “Decorating the Tree” Christmas scene.  I had an extra 3/4-inch piece of plywood, and it took almost three hours and four different kinds of power saw (a jig saw, a bench saw, a handheld circular saw, and a 10-inch radial-arm saw) to cut the round table, make a 3-inch wide box-support for the legs, cut the legs into the same sizes, attach the legs to the box, then attach the box and legs with metal angle braces and wood glue to the underside of the table.  I cut the round table with a jig saw, but I left one right-angled piece so the table would fit into a corner of our dining room and would not move left or right if accidentally hit.

Some days it’s the completion of a couple of book reviews; on some days it’s finishing an essay or two; there are days, too, when I have finished reading two newspapers and some magazines; on some days I have raked all the leaves in the yard, and on yet other days I have paid all of the bills and balanced the checkbook.  

What do you say when the day is done?  “Thank goodness it’s over,” “My work is not done,” “I have so much more to do,” “I sure look forward to tomorrow,” “I hope tomorrow is much better,” or “It just can’t get any worse than this.”  I know, it depends on the day and what happened.

The point, however, is a simple one.  It is the accumulation of days that make a life.  A positive, substantial, contributing life is made up of similar kinds of days.  It can’t be otherwise.  The question is whether we simply want to complete a day, or do we really want to make that day count.

There are, of course, examples of people who had spectacular moments that determined their life like when one of their movies or songs becomes an outstanding success, when their YouTube video gleans a spectacular audience, when someone wins the lottery, when an experiment results in a finding that makes a life-changing contribution, or when an inheritance allows a unique or unusual opportunity to contribute to the well being of fellow human beings.

These are, indeed, unique situations, and although they may “make a life,” they are outliers and should (must) not determine the plan for anyone’s life. You cannot make a life out of waiting to win the lottery, get a large inheritance, obtain a huge insurance payment, or otherwise become rich.

For most of us, it is what we do on a daily basis that not only must be our concern but must be the ingredients of the food that makes up our lives.  The question becomes, how important is it to you to “make each day count”?

You can change the life you have or you can change your life for a positive, valuable future, but to do this requires that you change 1) your attitude, 2) your goals, and 3) your commitment.

So often, it is much easier (easier than changing attitudes, goals, or commitments) to just relax, sleep, or be lazy.  Why should life be about accomplishment?  Success?  Striving for change?

The point is, and it can be summed up so simply: When all is said and done, have you left this world a better place because you have lived?  What is your contribution?  What difference has it been that you have lived in this world — occupied space on this earth — at all?

And the point is that your contribution need not be one of those life-changing, earth-shattering, monumental accomplishments!  You don’t have to be a headline in the local newspaper, recognized for an award by a business or local organization, or been featured in a video on YouTube.  If you look at such accomplishments or recognition as your sole goal in life, you are likely to be disappointed.

It is, indeed, the daily, small, sometimes seemingly insignificant, things that we do that count.  If they were not what is important — if these were not the things that counted — if these were not the factors that make up a life — where would most people be?  How could they justify their daily existence?

By being an active person, taking action on a daily basis, and working hard at every task in which you engage, you ARE making a difference.  Think, for example, the effect this can have on your own psyche.  Think, too, the effects it can have on your children or grandchildren.  How about your neighbors, neighborhood, or community.  Your activity, too, can affect others around you — whether it be a spouse, friends, or other family members.  

Being a well-read, well-informed, knowledgeable, and conversant citizen who is willing to talk, share, and communicate — if this is where you place your emphasis when it comes to being active — you can have an enormous influence on others.

What do I say when the day is done?  First, I love to go back and look over what I have done — whether it’s fixing a hole in a house, constructing a small table, cleaning windows, vacuuming the house, cleaning up the kitchen, or re-reading an essay or book review.  No task is too small not to appreciate it.  Second, I always appreciate having the physical strength and the mental ability (all still fully intact) to continually accomplish new things.  Third, I go to bed with the feeling, “I am satisfied,” “I am fulfilled,” “I am fully alive.”  These are not only the thoughts at the end of each day, they are the thoughts, too, that provide a restful sleep in preparation for another day of activity.

For me, it is as Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote in the final four lines of his famous poem, “The Day is Done”:                            And the night shall be filled with music
                                     And the cares, that infest the day,
                                     Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs,
                                     And as silently steal away.
- - - - - - -

At the Family Education website, there is a wonderful little essay entitled, “Consider Yur Legacy,” which ends like this: “When we're wondering about whether or not our daily efforts are worth it, our legacy might be at the core of that concern. If you knew today was going to be your last, how would you spend it?”

At HubPages.com, Mqubas has authored an essay, “Your Journey Ends With Your Legacy,” which begins with the paragraph: “We are all travelers in this world. We are all walking and running every day unknowingly. We start our daily journey by rising up from our bed and ends by retiring to the same bed. We wake up in the morning and brush our teeth, have a cup of coffee or breakfast and proceed with our daily chores. Even though we have different works, at the end of the day, we are always compelled to answer one question: and that is if we have reached our goal successfully, whether we really finished that day's journey or not with victory.”
- - - - - - - -
Copyright October, 2011, by And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C.

Day #278 - How you get up determines how you go to bed.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"You've got to get up every morning with determination if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction." --George Lorimer

Day #278 - How you get up determines how you go to bed.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.  This is one of four motivational quotations for Day #278.

Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday's Essay Preview

The first paragraph of the essay, "When the day is done," reads as follows: "It doesn’t take that much to convince me that I’ve had a successful day.  One day I repaired a hole in the side of my daughter’s house.  Although it was only 3-inches by 3-inches by 1 1/2-inches deep, it took a couple of hours to cut a block of wood to fit into the hole, shape a piece of aluminum flashing to cover the wood piece and more of the rotting wood, screw the flashing to the wood behind one of her gutters with treated screws so they wouldn’t rust, and then seal the area with silicon to protect it from further water penetration."
                                       
                                                                                                                                                               

Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay

For me, it is as Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote in the final four lines of his famous poem, “The Day is Done”:                            
                                     And the night shall be filled with music

                                     And the cares, that infest the day,

                                     Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs,

                                     And as silently steal away.







And Then Some News

And Then Some News

Thursday's Essay Preview

The first paragraph of the essay, "Lake Superior (Gitchigoomie)," reads as follows: "Our confusion was not whether or not we wanted to take this trip around the north side of Lake Superior, it was, rather, which way to go.  We could start from the east and proceed west and then farther west through Canada, or we could travel west first (north through Michigan, then west through Wisconsin and Minnesota) then east along the north side of Lake Superior.  The latter was our choice."
                             
                                                                                                                                                               

Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay

What was interesting after our two weeks in Canada is that when we crossed the border into Maine, the skies cleared, there was no more rain, and with the exception of a single thunderstorm and heavy rain, we had clear skies and no more rain for the remaining two weeks of our vacation in Bar Harbor, Maine, Cape Cod, Massachusetts, Amherst, Massachusetts, and Woodstock, Vermont.


And Then Some News

In pursuit of silence: Listening for meaning in a world of noise

By George Prochnik


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


I jog in the morning between 4:30 and 5:30 a.m. before the expressway (just less than a mile from our housing development) expresses its presence by the low and fairly constant cacophony of truck and automobile noise and between the times when trains, passing through our small village (about 3 or 4 miles from our house) signal their warning at each intersection.  In general, it is a time of near silence when few, if any, other cars are on the roads and no other joggers break my concentration.


I am often asked why I jog at such an early hour, and the comfort of the silence (and dark) easily justify the choice.  It is a time away from the various assaults on my senses of lawn mowers, leaf blowers, talkaholics, cars with boom boxes, traffic, trains, planes, and the continually annoying din of the media.


Why is my experience relevant to this book review?  Because I — or my experience — could have been just one more adventure the author, Prochnik, made in his “pursuit of silence.”  In his book, Prochnik suggests “that silence can exert a positive influence on our individual lives and our relationship to the world” (p. 14).  I support that conclusion with more than 30 years of jogging experience as evidence.


His experiences included a visit to the New Melleray Abbey in Dubuque, Iowa, the Barton Creek Square mall in Austin, Texas, Paley Park on East Fifty-third Street, just across Fifth Avenue from the Museum of Modern Art in New York City, Explosive Sound and Video, thirty miles from Cape Canaveral, just off Martin Luther King Boulevard, near the border between Seffner and Mango, in central Florida, Noise-Con 2008 in Dearborn, Michigan, Br el & Kjaier’s (B&K’s) global headquarter’s on the outskirts of Copenhagen, Portland’s Japanese Garden in Oregon, and the Sorenson Language and Communication Center at Gallaudet University, to name just a few sites on his “pursuit.”


The writing in the book is extraordinary: elegant, engaging, and humorous.  Also, Prochnik not only tells great stories along with his personal insights and adventures, but he cites numerous studies as he examines the scientific, sociological, and spiritual aspects of sound in addition to the political history of sound management.


In her five-star review of this book at Amazon.com , Dr. Debra Jan Bibel, who bills herself as “World Music Explorer, writes: “This book is important and should serve as warning. As Prochnik points out, it is an old story; only now the problem is becoming more acute as people have become desensitized to noise.”


Benjamin Swet concluded his five-star review of the book at Amazon, saying, “Entertaining and authoritative, with forays into science, philosophy, and the inner ear, this hopeful look at the contemporary American scene made me think in new ways about the possibilities for silence even in the loud rush of everyday life.”


This is one of those “must-read” books.  It is amazing.


This book can be found at Amazon.com: In pursuit of silence: Listening for meaning in a world of noise

LAUGH . . . And Then Some

I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet

From Day #265 in a complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

Lake Superior (Gitchigoomie)

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.    

Our confusion was not whether or not we wanted to take this trip around the north side of Lake Superior, it was, rather, which way to go.  We could start from the east and proceed west and then farther west through Canada, or we could travel west first (north through Michigan, then west through Wisconsin and Minnesota) then east along the north side of Lake Superior.  The latter was our choice.
    
Why Lake Superior?   Lake Superior contains ten percent of all the fresh water on the planet Earth.  Its average depth is 483 feet, it covers 31,700 square miles. and by surface area, it is the largest lake in the world.  It contains as much water as all the other Great Lakes combined, plus three extra Lake Eries.  Also, there have been about 350 shipwrecks recorded in Lake Superior.  Why not Lake Superior?
    
With one night in northern Michigan (Indian River), one night in Wisconsin (Iron River), and two in Minnesota after driving through the towns of Two Harbors, Beaver Bay, Silver Bay, Tofte, Lutsen, and landing at Grand Marais with its shops, galleries, and cafes around a Lake Superior harbor.  On one of the days in Grand Marais, we traveled the entire Gunflint Trail.
    
We crossed the border into Canada northeast of Dulluth and just beyond Grand Portage and then drove through Thunder Bay to Nipigon, Ontario.  One of the problems we discovered along this route was the limited number of campgrounds that included full hook-ups (30 amp electricity, water, and sewer) that accommodated 5th-wheel campers.   
    
For the next two weeks (as we traveled close to the shore of Lake Superior and beyond) we encountered rain for all except two days — sometimes intense downpours.  Not only did we have to set up and break camp in the rain, in a couple of campsites we had trouble escaping the wet clay or sloppy mud.  Also, the rain prevented us from any extensive exploration of the territory we traveled.
    
We arrived at Nipigon early enough to explore the little town of Red Rock then drive Route 11 (we were told it was scenic) north for about 5 miles.  Route 11 was truly scenic driving right along the edge of Lake Nipigon while enjoying the wooded hillsides to our right; however, we had just driven 166 miles along Lake Superior, and the scene was not dramatically different — besides, we were tired.
    
Farther along the trans-Canadian highway (after passing through the little towns of Rossport, Schreiber, Terrace Bay, and Marathon), we drove around the Pukaskwa National Park (away from Lake Superior) through White River, Ontario, to Wawa.  We chose Wawa as a destination and the RV Resort & Campground (a 3-night stay) because there weren’t a lot of other choices for campgrounds.  Also, we were facing the Labor Day weekend and thought we better secure a place before the crowds of weekend campers would fill the campground.  Although there were some additional campers over the weekend, it didn’t come close to filling up.
    
Wawa is known for its 28-foot-tall metal statue of a Canada goose which was built in 1960 and stands at the information booth a couple of miles east of the city. Wawa takes its name from the Ojibwe word (wewe) for "wild goose."  The town itself is small and rural.  Their farm market on Saturday morning consisted of one truck, but as many as ten people stood in line for the fresh produce.
    
While at Wawa we visited “High Falls” of the Magpie River then, too, “Silver Falls.”  On the next day we drove through Lake Superior Provincial Park visiting Old Woman Bay, Katherine Cove, Agawa Rock, and the Visitor Center — a very pleasant drive and then a hike down to the Agawa Rock, even though the sky was overcast and threatened more rain.
    
Just an observation about the north side of Lake Superior.  Please remember, however, as I make this observation, we drove the length of it without stopping very much.  We were close to the lake many times, and the combination of trees, hills (with changing fall colors), and lake views was beautiful — even though most of our trip was under cloudy skies and rain.  There are a lot of trees and views of the lake, but there is little else.  Small towns are few and far between, and even though gas was available, often we would fill up just to make certain we would not run out before the next opportunity (not knowing for certain where that might be).
    
From Wawa, we drove east away from Lake Superior toward Larder Lake, Ontario, then from Larder Lake to Mont Tremblant where we camped at La Diable at a campsite that overlooked a river.
    
After Mont Tremblant, we headed for Quebec City where we stayed at Camping Transit, a large, well-advertised, camping location. We traveled about 15 minutes into Levis, then down through town to the St. Lawrence Seaway waterfront where we took a 15-minute ferry ride (without the truck) across to Quebec City.  For about an hour-and-a-half we walked through the old city — and promised ourselves we will return some day.
    
The name Quebec is an Algonquin (Kébec) word meaning "where the river narrows." The city was founded in 1608 by Samuel de Champlain, and it is one of the oldest cities in North America. I learned from reading Wikipedia that: “The ramparts surrounding Old Quebec (Vieux-Québec) are the only remaining fortified city walls that still exist in the Americas north of Mexico, and were declared a World Heritage Site by UNESCO in 1985 as the 'Historic District of Old Québec.’”
    
One unusual and yet prominent characteristic of Quebec City and the entire province of Quebec, too, is that everyone speaks French.  That may not be unusual, however, most people we encountered do not speak English as a second language and those who do, do not speak it well.  In addition, all of the signs in Quebec are in French with no English subtitles or translation.  This may not seem important, however, we were traveling in late summer/early fall when a great deal of road construction was going on.  Instructions about how to proceed through construction areas (we were towing a fifth wheel) were all in French.  When you leave Quebec going east, all the signs in New Brunswick are in English once again.
    
When we left the area of Quebec City, we did not have a specific destination.  We found a “campground” called Cozy Cabins and Motel in Woodstock, New Brunswick, where we set up our camp in a field overlooking the St. John River.   It turned out that the Motel, although not advertised on the motel marquis, was a popular (but small) gambling hall with slot machines and an active bar.
    
From Woodstock we proceeded to St. John, New Brunswick, where we stayed one night at a campground (Rockwood Park Camping) high above the city.  After visiting with a friend we acquired on one of our Caribbean cruises, we haded for the U.S. border in Maine and stayed at Sunset Point Campground just outside of Harrington, Maine.
    
What was interesting after our two weeks in Canada is that when we crossed the border into Maine, the skies cleared, there was no more rain, and with the exception of a single thunderstorm and heavy rain, we had clear skies and no more rain for the remaining two weeks of our vacation in Bar Harbor, Maine, Cape Cod, Massachusetts, Amherst, Massachusetts, and Woodstock, Vermont.
- - - - -
The Lake Superior Circle Tour website offers everything you want to know about the area from accommodations, adventures and activities, local attractions, boating and canoeing, camping and resorts, casinos, towns and cities, restaurants, family fun, fishing and resorts, local marinas, and shopping.  It is a terrific website.

Although we did not take the complete Circle Tour on this trip, you can find a great map of the Circle Tour at the website supported by Lake Superior Magazine.  Scroll down the webpage about half way to where it says “Map of Lake Superior Circle Tour,” and click on the map there.

At RVLifestyle the feature article by Frank and Lucy Spence, “Exploring Ontario's Parks: There’s so much to see and do in central Canada!,” proceeds from Sault Ste. Marie around Lake Superior in the opposite direction we traveled; however, they include many more specifics about each park and campground along the way.   
 
Copyright October, 2011 by And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C.

    
   

Day #277 - Keep on trying.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"Courage doesn't always roar.  Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" --Mary Anne Radmacher

Day #277 - Keep on trying.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.  This is one of six motivational quotations for Day #277.

Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday's Essay Preview

The first paragraph of the essay, "Lake Superior (Gitchiegoomie)," reads as follows: "Our confusion was not whether or not we wanted to take this trip around the north side of Lake Superior, it was, rather, which way to go.  We could start from the east and proceed west and then farther west through Canada, or we could travel west first (north through Michigan, then west through Wisconsin and Minnesota) then east along the north side of Lake Superior.  The latter was our choice."
                             
                                                                                                                                                               

Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay

What was interesting after our two weeks in Canada is that when we crossed the border into Maine, the skies cleared, there was no more rain, and with the exception of a single thunderstorm and heavy rain, we had clear skies and no more rain for the remaining two weeks of our vacation in Bar Harbor, Maine, Cape Cod, Massachusetts, Amherst, Massachusetts, and Woodstock, Vermont.


And Then Some News

It’s not rocket science and other irritating modern cliches

By Clive Whichelow and Hugh Murray


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.


I found this book delightful, not just because of the cliches the authors have found and explained, but because it was written by two British authors.  For me, this added a unique dimension for in every case, I was interested to see how many of our common phrases had survived the trip overseas.  That is, I wanted to see how they were defined by non-Americans.


The authors cover a range of cliches: general, media, entertainment, commercial, business, political, and social.  I think young people today are those who might benefit most from reading such a book as this.  What I found in my more than twenty years of teaching public communication was simply that when I pointed out a phrase to a student and labeled it a cliche, he or she was totally unaware that it was.  They simply did not have the background or experience to know it.  (That generalization was not true of all students, of course.)


Another group of people who might benefit from reading this is those who write greeting cards.  Can you imagine it?  There are already so many cards so full of cliches that we don’t need any more, that is true; however, when a slacker writer is looking for content for the blank screen in front of him or her, this book can certainly supply the missing “content.”  There is so much here to fill so many more cards with oh so many more “wonderful” cliches.  (They appeal to the masses!)


What I found to be a challenging and rather interesting exercise when I read this book was improving on the authors’ explanations.  It wasn’t the fact that “I know better than they do,” but, coming from an American perspective (rather than a British one), many of the cliches could have benefited from a better (more U.S. friendly) definition (not all of them, of course).


I have always spelled “DOH!” (the “self-flagellating expression of dismay”) as “DUH!”  although, I admit, I seldom use the expression in my writing.


“Gobsmacked,” meaning surprised, is a cliche  with which I was totally unfamiliar, but it originated in Liverpool, UK, and that may be a good reason. 


I loved the expression “Happy-clappy” to describe modern church services.  I had never heard that one either.  “Utilise” (meaning use) is another word I have never heard before.


Of the other cliches in the book, I have to say I have some familiarity with all of them.  I thought some of the explanations/definitions were a bit weak, but making up for their weakness was the authors’ use of humor, which was delightful.


This book can be found at Amazon.com: It’s not rocket science and other irritating modern cliches