The mindfulness code: Keys for overcoming stress, anxiety, fear, and unhappiness

By Donald Altman


Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

It is helpful to know Altman’s credentials before reading this book.  First, he is a psychotherapist, second, he is a former Buddhist monk, and third, he is an adjunct professor at Lewis and Clark College Graduate School and Portland State University.  Why is it important to know this?  Because, throughout the book he successfully and seamlessly blends these three areas of interest and expertise.

Altman tells effective stories, and he tells them well.  The book is absolutely loaded with examples.

There are 44 chapters in this in 256 pages of text.  That means that, on average, each chapter is less than six pages long.  They read quickly.  And, too, each chapter includes a simple lesson, activity, or tool that engages readers and gives them an exercise to experience or apply the idea on their own.  

Chapter titles will give you an exact idea of the contents of this book.  The first section, “The Mind Key,” includes 11 chapters.  The second part, “The Body Key,” includes eleven chapters, “The Spirit Key,” includes eleven, and the fourth part, “The Relationship Key,” includes the final eleven.

Because I have a special interest in relationships (I write about them on a regular basis, and I had a college textbook, UNDERSTANDING INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION, that went through 7 editions), let me give you the chapter names in this part: Give Others Your Full Presence, Embrace Silence and Deep Listening, Share Loving-Kindness with Others, Be Genuine and Real, Seek Out Happy and Meaningful Connections, Untie the Knots of Emotional Entanglement, Light Another’s Candle, Attune Yourself to Others, Offer Up Your Nonjudgment and Joy, Cultivate Kind Speech, and Mind Your Relationships.  (How can anyone argue against these ideas when it comes to cultivating successful relationships?)

In her review of the book at Amazon.com, I thought Marilyn Dalrymple of Lancaster, California, made a particularly good point.  She said the book “is a gentle, but serious reminder that most of us need to take care of ourselves and be concerned and caring toward others.”   I love her use of the word “gentle” for not only is it an accurate reflection of Altman’s approach, it is the feeling you acquire as he explains the idea of each chapter, offers examples to clearly define and demonstrate the idea, and then provides the “gentle” guideline readers can use to obtain (or at the least experience) the idea on their own.

This book is available at Amazon.com: The mindfulness code: Keys for overcoming stress, anxiety, fear, and unhappiness

"Rage, rage against the dying of the light"

by Richard L. Weaver II

That, of course, is the last line of Dylan Thomas’s most famous poem “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night” [1952], and, to be certain, one of the greatest lines ever written. The poem is addressed to Thomas’s father as he approached blindness and death and, too, reflects Thomas’s profound respect for his father’s uncompromising independence of mind, now tamed by illness.

Thomas’s father had been a robust, militant man for most of his life. When in his eighties, he became blind and weak, and Dylan was disturbed seeing his father become “soft” or “gentle.” In the poem, Thomas is rousing his father to continue being the fierce man he had previously been:

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Those are the first three lines, and the final four (of 19 total) read like this:

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

For me, the “rage, rage” line has been a mantra from the first time I heard it.

I have never been one to contemplate my own death even when faced directly with the death of my father (having to identify his body) and the death of close friends, but the unspeakable spectacle of planes flying into skyscrapers, opening envelopes full of deadly anthrax spores, and the unnerving threat that we could fall victim to the designs of fanatics, for many people, have bullied their way to the front of the line, even though death by murder and accident account for less than 5 percent of mortalities in the United States.

The majority of us will succumb to natural causes late in life.

When the Reaper comes calling, how will you greet him? With defiance or serenity? With sorrow or laughter? With planning and preparation? Or, will you trust your inspiration of the moment?

For guidance, Benjamin Franklin’s comment in 1789, offers little solace: “In this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes.” Of course, there is some comfort in certainty. Because of such certainty, too, one may find great consolation in not thinking about it at all—in any way. Death becomes a natural part of life to be accepted.

Fear of the unknown. Think about how much of our lives is oriented around resolving, or at least assuaging, our fears of the unknown.

Fear of death may involve worry over being just corpses in graves when we die, the fear of decaying, leaving loved ones, bringing sadness to the family, being judged, or facing it by ourselves; it could be the lack of assurance of one’s salvation, or unknown answers to worrisome questions such as will it be painful, will it involve suffering, could I have prepared better, or could I have lived a better life? Fear of death could involve missing being alive, not seeing friends anymore, or not being able to move. Or, when looking back over one’s life, asking the question, is that all there is? There could be any number of concerns.

Considering the number of potential fears reminds me of Act II, Scene II of Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, when Caesar remarks to Calpurnia, “Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once.” This is not to suggest that the various fears of the unknown are specious or unwarranted, it is simply a reminder of how compelling fear of the unknown can be as one’s psyche is wracked time and again by the impending doom.

Better to lock these fears away in the basement of our subconscious. When fears of death intrude into the course of daily life decades before old age arrives, it detracts from quality of life by fostering debilitating anxieties, neuroses, and depression.

My life is focused on avoiding dying before my time by minimizing risks. Perhaps I don’t possess the angry defiance of reality that Thomas’s poem represents, but when you contrast the rage with the phrase “Do Not Go Gentle,” then it better represents my view that death is a disvalue to be avoided up to the last breath. It is, indeed, an end I struggle against—without giving it an actual voice or existence—all my life.

“Rage, rage against the dying of the light,” however, provides a wonderful motivator that we must savor life while it lasts. It, too, has power as a memorable phrase.

If we consider our lives as narrative, then, when we were young, there wasn’t much of a story. Now, however, the story is further along. We are not only into the action and development of the narration, the strands of the plot now are weaving together in interesting ways. Ways, I might add, that are unpredictable, unexpected, and unanticipated. Life has become far more interesting, creative, and exceptional.

I hold similar beliefs to those expressed by Nathaniel Branden in his book Honoring the Self (1983). We needn’t dwell on the past, even though our memory of a meaningful past contributes more and more to the developing narrative, but the past affects our sense of current goals and actions. These goals and actions have significant value for our present and future, but they contribute, too, to a life of which we are the author. It is a story that we began years and years ago, but as we are beginning to see, has more coherence and significance than we could have imagined. Of course it will come to a close at some point.

It is important to understand that the ticking of the clock is not a tragedy. It is essential to the meaning and excitement of life and to the intensity of love and joy. “The glory of life,” writes Branden, “ is inseparable from the fact that it is finite.”

Our most important concern, regarding our impending death, is simply to live well and without regret. Focus on life. We have only the here and now. We need to make the most of the time we have left. Since death is inevitable, we must face it with rationality and dignity. That could be one of the most important impressions we leave for others.

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Steve Pavlina has written an essay, “Dealing with Tragedy and Loss.” Pavlina defines tragedy, socially conditioned attachment, moving beyond attachment, joyful transformation, a spiritually-minded context, and the joyful expansion of consciousness. Pavlina says, “But even while we regard ourselves as victims, we are still powerful creators. We’re so powerful in fact that we can even choose to create ourselves as victims.” This is both interesting and important information.


At HealthyPlace.com , Jack Redden has written a useful, practical, and informative essay, “Helping Yourself and Others Deal With Death.” Redden discusses children, adults, and loved ones, but the part that I found most valuable was the five assumptions that may complicate the issue.

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© Copyright 2008 - And Then Some Publishing, LLC

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There is some great news this week from PublicSpeakingRules.com
We have another speech in our series, and this one offers advice on how to write a great speech. "Before starting to write a speech, you must understand what you want to say, who you want to say it to, and why anyone might want to hear it. One of the best ways to do this, is to ask yourself the six questions: Who? What? How? When? Where? and Why?" This is a quotation taken directly from the introduction to the new video. Click the link and watch the video: Writing a Great Speech

Also, this week we have constructed a new website. Just in case you've missed a video, or you would like to see one again, we have compiled all of them in one place. It's your one-stop video extravaganza! Now, you can see all our videos... Click here for YouTube Works

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Thursday’s essay, “Rage, rage against the dying of the light,” is the third of three essays taken from the new book: You rules - Caution: Contents leads to a better life.

Share your And Then Some Link about raging against the dying of the light. What are your thoughts about it? Have you (or are you raging) raged against the dying of the light in your life? Can you tell us in what capacity you have done it? With respect to raging against the dying of the light, what messages can you tell our readers? Can you share any tips, stories, or suggestions regarding raging against the dying of the light? We would love to hear your story. Do you have a friend, a family member, a neighbor, or someone you just know from a distance who has raged against the dying of the light? Link us to your story...

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Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
Rage, rage against the dying of the light
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:
My life is focused on avoiding dying before my time by minimizing risks. Perhaps I don’t possess the angry defiance of reality that Thomas’s poem represents, but when you contrast the rage with the phrase “Do Not Go Gentle,” then it better represents my view that death is a disvalue to be avoided up to the last breath. It is, indeed, an end I struggle against — without giving it an actual voice or existence — all my life.

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And Then Some News

ANNOUNCING: And Then Some Publishing, LLC, has just published Public Speaking Rules! - All You Need for a GREAT speech! This book contains the nuts-and-bolts rules necessary for giving a great speech. The rules are easy to read and easy to use. You can view the table of contents, introduction, and chapter excerpts at publicspeakingrules.com The book is available at Amazon.com.

Thursday’s essay celebrates the publication of the public speaking book and is about a method of overcoming the fear of public speaking. On the publicspeakingrules.com website, there is another essay on the fear of public speaking: “Six time-tested ways dealing with fear of public speaking.” These two essays actually work together — this one offers a covering philosophy or way of thinking about fear while the other offers some specific suggestions.

Share your And Then Some Story about the fear of public speaking. Are you a person who has been affected by speech anxiety? Have you been able to overcome it, or at least deal with it? We would love to hear your story? Do you have a friend, a family member, a neighbor, or someone you just know from a distance who has experienced the fear of public speaking? Can you tell his or her story? Feel free to use a pseudonym for the person’s real name. The fear of public speaking is real, and it can have a significant impact when sharing knowledge and ideas with others. If you try the philosophical perspective written about in this essay, let us know how it worked for you.

And Then Some Essay - June 26, 2008
Fear of Public Speaking: A Method for Overcoming It
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:
There is no doubt about the important role that fear plays when it comes to public speaking. Public-speaking anxiety is a disturbance of mind regarding a forthcoming public-speaking event for which you are the speaker. As a fear, it ranks higher than the fear of death. It is nearly universal, yet it obviously doesn’t prevent successful speeches. Not only is it widely proclaimed, but it is widely written about as well. In this essay I want to offer a philosophical perspective that I have written about in my textbook, Communicating Effectively (McGraw-Hill), but which has the potential for overcoming the fear of public speaking if practiced regularly.
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How to overcome the curse of knowledge in teaching and writing

by Richard L. Weaver II

Throughout my professional career I have confronted the “curse of knowledge”—although it has not always been called that. I was even told that because I was a professor who writes textbooks, that it was unlikely (virtually impossible) I could ever publish a trade book—a book specifically designed for the popular market. My language was too sophisticated, my approach too technical, and my sentences too complicated, cultured, and refined.

Before I go on, I want to give credit where credit is due. The term “curse of knowledge” was popularized in a book entitled, Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die (Random House, 2007), a book by Chip and Dan Heath along with a speech called “Sticky Ideas” in the August, 2007, issue of Vital Speeches of the Day.

One problem that most educators face—any adult whose interest is communicating with others—is something Heath and Heath call “the curse of knowledge,” and unless we are aware of it, it is unlikely we will compensate for it.

The curse of knowledge can best be demonstrated by a simple game—a game studied and explained by Elizabeth Newton, who, in 1990, earned a Ph.D. in psychology at Stanford based on her study. She assigned people to one of two roles: “tappers” or “listeners.” Tappers received a list of 25 well-known songs like “Happy Birthday” and “The Star Spangled Banner.” Each tapper was asked to pick a song from the list and tap out the rhythm to a listener by knocking on a table. The listener’s job was to guess the song based on the rhythm being tapped.

Over the course of Newton’s experiment, 120 songs were tapped out, but listeners guessed only 2.5 percent, or 3 out of 120. You may wonder what made this result worthy of a dissertation in psychology? Before listeners guessed the name of the song, Newton asked tappers to predict the odds that listeners would guess correctly. This is what is astonishing: tappers predicted that the odds were 50 percent. They got their message across 1 time in 40, but tappers thought they were getting it across 1 time in 2.

The problem is that tappers have been given knowledge—the song title—and it makes it impossible for them to imagine what it’s like to lack that knowledge. When they’re tapping, they can’t imagine what it’s like for listeners to hear isolated taps rather than a song. This is the curse of knowledge—once we know something, we find it hard to imagine what it was like not to know it. Our knowledge has “cursed” us, and it becomes difficult for us to share our knowledge with others because we can’t readily re-create our listeners’ state of mind.

Heath and Heath remind us that this tapper/listener experiment is reenacted every day with CEOs and frontline employees, teachers and students, politicians and voters, marketers and customers, ministers, rabbis, and priests, writers and readers.

There are three areas where communicators in any field can help diminish the effects of the “curse of knowledge”: language, organization, and supporting material.

In choosing their words, communicators must use simple language, include definitions whenever possible, eliminate jargon, say things in the clearest possible way, try to increase the vividness of ideas (so they have impact), and then use repetition, internal summaries, and continually relate new ideas back to their thesis. If they are presenting new information, concepts, or theories, if they pretend they are explaining it to their grandmothers, perhaps that will help them maintain the proper perspective and frame of mind.

Order and form (organization) are important for several reasons. First, listeners’ (and readers’) attention spans are short, and it is difficult for them to keep one or two ideas in mind at the same time. They are easily distracted, and when they return to the talk (or the words), they have trouble remembering where they were, where they are, and where they are going. Often, nothing makes sense and they lose interest entirely. A simply constructed outline that contains coordinate ideas under well-defined main heads, and subordinate points that have been well-thought-out, will help listeners and readers continually understand their location within a speech or a written piece.

Assisting communicators in helping listeners understand their organizational schemes are transitions—the links established between ideas. Transitions between main heads, transitions between coordinate points, and transitions whenever a speaker or writer moves from the introduction to the body of the speech or from the body of the speech to the conclusion will help. As a teacher, I have always asked speakers to write their transitions into their outlines because I have found that a transition not prepared in advance is a transition not used. Often, transitions can include the repetition, internal summaries, and relationship of information back to the thesis or central idea as I discussed in the section on language, above.

The third area where communicators can reduce the effect of the “curse of knowledge” is in their use of supporting material. Relevant examples, illustrations, anecdotes, personal experiences, and stories, as well as facts, opinions, and statistics, all assist in information enhancement, support, and expansion. In researching ideas and talking with others, always be on the lookout for relevant, immediate, and powerful supporting material.

Another way to judge effectiveness (success) in dealing with the “curse of knowledge” is to use feedback. Maintain contact with your listeners or readers, be flexible, and make adjustments when necessary to facilitate understanding. Student evaluations and textbook reviewers always helped me. In class, I developed a half-sheet response which I used to take attendance, administer quizzes, seek questions and comments, and gain daily reflections, evaluations, observations, and opinions that would guide and direct my classroom approaches.

To be effective, teachers must use every technique and strategy they know to connect and identify with their students. This isn’t something they can do once and consider their job complete, it is an ongoing, everyday, challenging task that requires constant effort, alertness, surveillance, and adjustment. After all, to be effective, that is precisely what effective teaching (or writing) requires.
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Not only does Matt explain “the curse of knowledge” but the responses to his essay are fun to read as well. Check it out at http://www.37signals.com/svn/posts/213-the-curse-of-knowledge

The Business Pundit, in an essay entitled, “The Curse of Knowledge - Why Communication at Work is sometimes difficult,” relates “the curse of knowledge” to business. The comments on this short essay are enjoyable as well at: http://www.businesspundit.com/the-curse-of-knowledge-why-communication-at-work-is-sometimes-difficult/
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Contact Richard L. Weaver II