Healthy Selfishness Contributes to Being Effective, Efficient, and Productive

by Richard L. Weaver II

Writing in 1961 for the New York Herald Tribune, John K. Hutchens said, “A writer and nothing else: a man alone in a room with the English language...,” and that conveys in 15 words exactly the selfishness writers must enforce. Writing is a lonely profession; however, to get that alone-time, writers must resist outside temptations, the lure of television, the Internet, and other media seductions, and even desires to be with family and friends. With success in writing, it is a healthy (but necessary) selfishness.

I never called it “healthy selfishness,” however, until I read Drs. Rachael and Richard Hellers’ book of the same name. Their subtitle is Getting the Life You Deserve Without the Guilt (Meredith Books, 2006). They define it as “a way of thinking and acting in which there is a deep appreciation, compassion, and concern for yourself — by yourself” (p. 12). They suggest that it includes a respect for your feelings, trust of your knowledge and ability, acceptance of your weaknesses and imperfections, an encouragement of your efforts and struggles, and an offer of unconditional love and nurturing of the child within (p. 12).

As a writer I have often been asked about the life of solitude that necessarily accompanies the choice to be a writer. Heller and Heller clarify the benefits I have experienced. It brings a zest for living that is astounding, a joy that comes from truly experiencing, and it’s the key that opens the door to a life of freedom — freedom, they say, “from being ruled by the opinions and demands of others, as well as freedom from the voices within your mind” (p. 12).

Let me personalize healthy selfishness. For me, there is both peace and contentment in living and working with my ideas. Someone recently asked me if — looking back on it — I felt good about my choice of writing over teaching. That is, I gave up teaching entirely to be able to write full time. Peace and contentment arise from being your own boss, making your own choices and decisions, establishing your own deadlines and time frames, and using all your own tools and abilities applied to something you love to do. Such peace and contentment is empowering.

When you are independent and accepting and understanding of your self, you recognize and capitalize on your capabilities. You open yourself to criticism; however, you are so appreciative of your self and trusting in your talents and abilities that you are unconcerned. This opens the doors to truth and greater understanding.

Healthy selfishness grounds me in the present but allows me to think realistically of the future as well. While I experience the true pleasure of creativity and self-expression, I can focus on myself as creator, inventor, and problem solver. This leads to realistic problem solving and decision-making and, in that way, forces me to think more deeply, intensely, and profoundly.

The goal of healthy selfishness is not to ignore all other demands. I want to acknowledge at the outset of this description that I am indebted to Heller and Heller for their clear description of what healthy selfishness looks like. My goal is to obtain a healthy balance. That is, when I come face-to-face with the needs or wishes of friends or family, the demands of other writing projects, I attempt to find a creative way to meet the requirements of others while satisfying my own needs and desires. I don’t deny myself unless there is a very good reason to do so but, when it is necessary to put my own needs aside, I will do that without resentment.

Now, when it comes to my physical needs, I must be nurturing, though not to the extreme. I give myself the rest and nourishment I need, not only to stay healthy enough to get all the jobs done that I face but, mainly, because it would not occur to me to not do so. I do not make it a practice to deny myself unless there is a very good reason for doing so, but I am not a slave to my moment-to-moment whims, and that’s what’s important. Vacations, other demands, and the needs of family and friends can intrude, of course, but only under my watchful, judgmental eye.

What is important in all of this is that I trust my perceptions and preferences. After making a decision, I dislike going back and forth — reconsidering my choice. In general, I would rather make a mistake, pick up the pieces, and learn from it rather than backtrack or sit on a fence, endlessly debating whether I’ve made the right choice.

There is a risk in all of this. When I do not run to the rescue of family and friends, or when I do not give them exactly what they want when they want it, I may get accused of being uncaring or insensitive. Although I would prefer that they understood my motives and the wisdom of my approach — and, for the most part, they do — their accusations do not — and cannot — distress me.

I get pleasure from many things: from something as simple as a tall, cool, glass of iced coffee with milk when I’m thirsty, to the satisfaction of a job well done. If situations or people prevent me from completing my work in the best possible way, I work around them to the extent that I can. I enjoy honing my skills and becoming better at a task by repeatedly experimenting with different approaches and shortcuts to getting the job done. Multitasking can be pleasurable. I find it neither stressful nor anxiety-producing but rather a challenge that enables me to see competence in action — which is one of the enriching, enhancing, and encouraging rewards.

I have long-term goals, and, although I am aware that I may not be able to complete them all, I feel neither frightened nor self-blaming at the thought of never getting to do all that I want in life. I have so much; I have had so much; and I appreciate it all so much!

Healthy selfishness is part of my everyday experience. Either I come by it naturally or I have learned the hard way that it is a far better way of living — for myself as well as for others. In either case, I have discovered that a good balance of healthy selfishness can make my life pleasurable, productive, and amazingly rewarding.

I have the courage, balance, and self-confidence that many people envy. I have chosen healthy selfishness as a way of life. Still, in the everyday world, friends, family, spouses, and children may make me question my right to healthy selfishness, but I know that for me, it not only works, but it works extremely well in producing an effective, efficient, and productive human being.
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Suite 101.com (http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/new_thought/112614) offers an excellent essay by Richard Kent Matthews entitled, “Healthy Selfishness: How to Create Favorable Conditions for Success,” that offers specific suggestions for accomplishing healthy selfishness.

At the “Daily OM” website (http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2005/345.html) there is a delightful, short essay entitled, “Calling in the One,” by Katherine Woodward Thomas, reprinted from her book, Calling In The One: 7 Weeks To Attracting The Love Of Your Life. Her essay discusses healthy selfishness.

If you like this concept, read the brief article reprinted from Ladies Home Journal (February 2006) by Dsr. Rachel and Richard Heller entitled “Why It's Healthy to Put Yourself First: Reduce Stress with Guilt-Free Pampering” at the website msn.lifestyle (http://lifestyle.msn.com/MindBodyandSoul/PersonalGrowth/Articlelhj.aspx?cp-documentid=496530)

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Contact Richard L. Weaver II