The five people who most influenced my writing

by Richard L. Weaver II

What most “wanna-be” writers do not realize is the amount of “alone time” necessary to do the required chore. I know, for example, my father-in-law retires to a bedroom on the lower floor of his house. He prefers no background sounds of any kind — total quiet — and, when she was alive, he had a wife who catered to his every need. She cooked all his meals, cleaned the house (he never lifted a finger), laundered his clothes, and was his friend and companion. (We didn’t realize how totally ignorant he was of al that she did until she died and left him bereft of any of these daily skills.) In this way, however, he could focus all his attention and concentration on the task of writing, and that is precisely what he did.

My father was a writer, and I have done a great deal of writing all my life. But I have never been like my father-in-law. I think I’ve been luckier in that I have a study where all family members are free to come and go as they please. They can break my concentration at will, and I have speakers that pipe in music from the living-room console, and I enjoy “easy listening” music on in the background when I write. (I don’t need total silence.) The importance of this will become known in a few moments.

You may think, because my father was a writer, that he was the first, major influence in my life with respect to my writing, but that is not true at any point. It was my mother who would read my papers, correct my grammar and spelling, and encourage me. She would often say to me, “This is very good writing. I hope you continue to have an interest in writing.” But she never thought I would be “a writer,” nor did she ever push me in this direction. She simply did not want me to be discouraged when I would make mistakes.

The second person who most influenced my writing was Mr. Granville, my advanced English teacher in high school. I don’t remember how I became a member of the “advanced English course,” but I have a suspicion that it was upon the recommendation of my regular English teacher whose name I do not remember. It was the assignments, the critiques, and the loving attention that Mr. Granville paid to me (and to my papers) that gave me the idea that I was not necessarily a “good” writer, but a competent one. He gave me the three Cs of confidence, courage, and conviction.

When I began college I was a pre-med major, but when I graduated from college as a speech major, I really didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. Thinking that I might teach speech at the high-school level (because I had a secondary teaching degree), I decided to make English my minor in case I would be teaching English courses along with speech. But, none of those English teachers stood out — most were graduate teaching assistants — and none offered additional inspiration or motivation.

It was after asking around (and with a topic on which to write a dissertation already in hand) that I selected Indiana University for my Ph.D. And, it was only because of one man, Dr. Robert Gunderson, the third person who most influenced my writing. Thinking that I could already write, Dr. Gunderson performed major re-constructive surgery on my thinking as well as on my approach to writing. Using Strunk and White’s Elements of Style, as my bible, I really learned how to write under Gunderson’s tutelage. He was a tough mentor, but I was a willing student, and the process took hold, and I have benefitted ever since.

The fourth person who most influenced my writing career was Mr. Howard Cotrell. As a member of the Instructional Media staff at Bowling Green State University, Cotrell sought and gained access to my basic speech-communication course lectures soon after I began teaching at BGSU. Then we began meeting one-a-week to discuss his observations, make changes in my approach, and solve the problems of the world! Now, it must be clear that his suggestions, during our early meetings, had more to do with my lecturing style and approach, and he can be credited with vast improvements that not only benefited me but, most importantly, benefited the thousands of students required to take my courses. He would sit in my lectures once every week and take thorough notes that he would later share with me.

How did this influence my writing? Weekly meetings with Cotrell continued for over 20 years, and we were soon discussing possibilities for publication. He would come to the meetings full of ideas, and we would work together developing outlines, approaches, and solutions that I would put together then submit to him for comment and further suggestions. We co-authored close to thirty academic articles, and there is no doubt about how fortunate I was to have Cotrell ask me to visit my classes, pursue weekly meetings with me, and allow me access to his active and vibrant brain.

Andrea, my wife, is the fifth person who has most influenced my writing. Now, she may not admit her influence, nor has it been the same as those previously mentioned in this essay. Her influence — along with all four of my children, I might add — has been in providing a supportive and protected environment for writing.

As I said in the opening to this essay, most “wanna-be” writers are unaware of the amount of “alone time” necessary for writing. And considering the fact that I have been actively involved in writing during the entire time my four (now adult) children were at home, they learned what a writer’s life was like, and they respected what I did and the time I needed to do it; however, they always knew they could interrupt, sit on my knee, share their thoughts, and take any time they needed from my writing obligations.

I think I was fortunate (once again) that my wife came from a family with a father who was a writer. She knew from the outset what was required. The circumstances varied (from those set by her own father) in very minor ways. Alone time is necessary for concentration, it is true. But, alone time is required, too, for the completion of a great number of ancillary (but required) tasks that go along with writing. As a textbook author, there are so many mundane, routine, boring chores that accompany it such as compiling indexes, bibliographies, student and teacher manuals, vocabulary lists, and chapter objectives and questions — the list can go on and on — that most people seldom think about. Even re-reading, honing, and polishing already written material can become tedious. For a writer, there is so much that is not writing, that one must brace himself or herself from tiresome, repetitious, tedious, and monotonous chores from which any distraction can provide a joyful lure.

I have chosen this Thanksgiving essay to give thanks to the five people who have most influenced my writing. If it wasn’t for my mother, Mr. Granville, Dr. Gunderson, Mr. Cotrell, and my wife, I probably wouldn’t be sitting here at this computer doing what I am so enjoying doing right at this moment! Thanks folks! You cannot begin to know the gratitude I have.
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Carol Stanley has a delightful, short, yet pithy essay at ArticlesBase called “Gratitude and how it affects our lives,” that might appear as the stimulus for my essay, but it wasn’t. I found it after the essay was complete, but the need for giving thanks is well supported, and Stanley’s essay is worth a read. She finishes her essay with this thought: “Give thanks often, and this will allow your mind to be free for wonderful things to happen.”

At gems4friends.com, the author of the essay, “10 Steps to Getting What YOU Want: Creating YOUR Reality — Step 9: Gratitude, Acceptance and Moving On,” offers readers four suggestions, 1) open your heart, 2) thank those who have helped you, 3) exercise to feel gratitude, and 4) Speak Positively With The Gratitude Attitude. The author says, “Praising and being thankful opens the door to even more. Complaining closes that same door. Hence, speak positively and lovingly.”
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Copyright November, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.

And Then Some News

Thursday’s essay is called, “‘The five people who most influenced my writing.” This is my Thanksgiving essay for 2009. I have previously given thanks to all those in our society who work behind the scenes and are seldom acknowledged. That essay was called, “Giving abundant thanks for our abundant harvest,” and it was published in The (Toledo) Blade, November 26, 2005. Also, I have given thanks to my mother and father in an essay entitled, “Dear Mom and Dad: Lives And Then Some." Thus, this essay could be labeled, Thanksgiving Essay III.

Share your link. Have you written anything about giving thanks? Or, have you stopped to give thanks to those in your life who have helped you the most? Are you a person who gives thanks on a regular basis? How has it (or does it) help you? Can you share some insights about the most important times you have given thanks and those people to whom you gave it? What would you like to tell people about giving thanks? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.

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Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
The five people who most influenced my writing
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:

How did this influence my writing? Weekly meetings with Cotrell continued for over 20 years, and we were soon discussing possibilities for publication. He would come to the meetings full of ideas, and we would work together developing outlines, approaches, and solutions that I would put together then submit to him for comment and further suggestions. We co-authored close to thirty academic articles, and there is no doubt about how fortunate I was to have Cotrell ask me to visit my classes, pursue weekly meetings with me, and allow me access to his active and vibrant brain.

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And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!

Healthy Selfishness Contributes to Being Effective, Efficient, and Productive

by Richard L. Weaver II

Writing in 1961 for the New York Herald Tribune, John K. Hutchens said, “A writer and nothing else: a man alone in a room with the English language...,” and that conveys in 15 words exactly the selfishness writers must enforce. Writing is a lonely profession; however, to get that alone-time, writers must resist outside temptations, the lure of television, the Internet, and other media seductions, and even desires to be with family and friends. With success in writing, it is a healthy (but necessary) selfishness.

I never called it “healthy selfishness,” however, until I read Drs. Rachael and Richard Hellers’ book of the same name. Their subtitle is Getting the Life You Deserve Without the Guilt (Meredith Books, 2006). They define it as “a way of thinking and acting in which there is a deep appreciation, compassion, and concern for yourself — by yourself” (p. 12). They suggest that it includes a respect for your feelings, trust of your knowledge and ability, acceptance of your weaknesses and imperfections, an encouragement of your efforts and struggles, and an offer of unconditional love and nurturing of the child within (p. 12).

As a writer I have often been asked about the life of solitude that necessarily accompanies the choice to be a writer. Heller and Heller clarify the benefits I have experienced. It brings a zest for living that is astounding, a joy that comes from truly experiencing, and it’s the key that opens the door to a life of freedom — freedom, they say, “from being ruled by the opinions and demands of others, as well as freedom from the voices within your mind” (p. 12).

Let me personalize healthy selfishness. For me, there is both peace and contentment in living and working with my ideas. Someone recently asked me if — looking back on it — I felt good about my choice of writing over teaching. That is, I gave up teaching entirely to be able to write full time. Peace and contentment arise from being your own boss, making your own choices and decisions, establishing your own deadlines and time frames, and using all your own tools and abilities applied to something you love to do. Such peace and contentment is empowering.

When you are independent and accepting and understanding of your self, you recognize and capitalize on your capabilities. You open yourself to criticism; however, you are so appreciative of your self and trusting in your talents and abilities that you are unconcerned. This opens the doors to truth and greater understanding.

Healthy selfishness grounds me in the present but allows me to think realistically of the future as well. While I experience the true pleasure of creativity and self-expression, I can focus on myself as creator, inventor, and problem solver. This leads to realistic problem solving and decision-making and, in that way, forces me to think more deeply, intensely, and profoundly.

The goal of healthy selfishness is not to ignore all other demands. I want to acknowledge at the outset of this description that I am indebted to Heller and Heller for their clear description of what healthy selfishness looks like. My goal is to obtain a healthy balance. That is, when I come face-to-face with the needs or wishes of friends or family, the demands of other writing projects, I attempt to find a creative way to meet the requirements of others while satisfying my own needs and desires. I don’t deny myself unless there is a very good reason to do so but, when it is necessary to put my own needs aside, I will do that without resentment.

Now, when it comes to my physical needs, I must be nurturing, though not to the extreme. I give myself the rest and nourishment I need, not only to stay healthy enough to get all the jobs done that I face but, mainly, because it would not occur to me to not do so. I do not make it a practice to deny myself unless there is a very good reason for doing so, but I am not a slave to my moment-to-moment whims, and that’s what’s important. Vacations, other demands, and the needs of family and friends can intrude, of course, but only under my watchful, judgmental eye.

What is important in all of this is that I trust my perceptions and preferences. After making a decision, I dislike going back and forth — reconsidering my choice. In general, I would rather make a mistake, pick up the pieces, and learn from it rather than backtrack or sit on a fence, endlessly debating whether I’ve made the right choice.

There is a risk in all of this. When I do not run to the rescue of family and friends, or when I do not give them exactly what they want when they want it, I may get accused of being uncaring or insensitive. Although I would prefer that they understood my motives and the wisdom of my approach — and, for the most part, they do — their accusations do not — and cannot — distress me.

I get pleasure from many things: from something as simple as a tall, cool, glass of iced coffee with milk when I’m thirsty, to the satisfaction of a job well done. If situations or people prevent me from completing my work in the best possible way, I work around them to the extent that I can. I enjoy honing my skills and becoming better at a task by repeatedly experimenting with different approaches and shortcuts to getting the job done. Multitasking can be pleasurable. I find it neither stressful nor anxiety-producing but rather a challenge that enables me to see competence in action — which is one of the enriching, enhancing, and encouraging rewards.

I have long-term goals, and, although I am aware that I may not be able to complete them all, I feel neither frightened nor self-blaming at the thought of never getting to do all that I want in life. I have so much; I have had so much; and I appreciate it all so much!

Healthy selfishness is part of my everyday experience. Either I come by it naturally or I have learned the hard way that it is a far better way of living — for myself as well as for others. In either case, I have discovered that a good balance of healthy selfishness can make my life pleasurable, productive, and amazingly rewarding.

I have the courage, balance, and self-confidence that many people envy. I have chosen healthy selfishness as a way of life. Still, in the everyday world, friends, family, spouses, and children may make me question my right to healthy selfishness, but I know that for me, it not only works, but it works extremely well in producing an effective, efficient, and productive human being.
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Suite 101.com (http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/new_thought/112614) offers an excellent essay by Richard Kent Matthews entitled, “Healthy Selfishness: How to Create Favorable Conditions for Success,” that offers specific suggestions for accomplishing healthy selfishness.

At the “Daily OM” website (http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2005/345.html) there is a delightful, short essay entitled, “Calling in the One,” by Katherine Woodward Thomas, reprinted from her book, Calling In The One: 7 Weeks To Attracting The Love Of Your Life. Her essay discusses healthy selfishness.

If you like this concept, read the brief article reprinted from Ladies Home Journal (February 2006) by Dsr. Rachel and Richard Heller entitled “Why It's Healthy to Put Yourself First: Reduce Stress with Guilt-Free Pampering” at the website msn.lifestyle (http://lifestyle.msn.com/MindBodyandSoul/PersonalGrowth/Articlelhj.aspx?cp-documentid=496530)

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Contact Richard L. Weaver II

And Then Some News

Saturday’s essay on healthy selfishness is personal. It is based on Drs. Rachael and Richard Hellers’ book of the same name. Their subtitle is Getting the Life You Deserve Without the Guilt (Meredith Books, 2006), and it answers a question this writer is often asked, “How do you deal with the life of solitude that writing demands?” If you are an artist, a poet, a musician, or pursue any craft or talent that requires a great deal of alone time, then you will appreciate this essay. You will also know how healthy selfishness works in producing effective, efficient, and productive human beings.

Share your And Then Some Story about healthy selfishness. Have you practiced healthy selfishness in your own life, and can you share those experiences? Have you discovered the downside to healthy selfishness? For you personally, what rewards or benefits have you experienced from practicing healthy selfishness? See the specifics about sharing your And Then Some Story in the section that follows the excerpt below.

Saturday Essay - April 5, 2008
Healthy Selfishness Contributes to Being Effective, Efficient, and Productive
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:
Let me personalize healthy selfishness. For me, there is both peace and contentment in living and working with my ideas. Someone recently asked me if — looking back on it — I felt good about my choice of writing over teaching. That is, I gave up teaching entirely to be able to write full time. Peace and contentment arise from being your own boss, making your own choices and decisions, establishing your own deadlines and time frames, and using all your own tools and abilities applied to something you love to do. Such peace and contentment is empowering.
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