How do you develop a sense of humor?

by Richard L. Weaver II

I’ve always admired people who can tell a joke. Just remembering all the details to make the joke storyline accurate and interesting has been difficult for me. I enjoy watching comedians, and I’ve always been amazed at how they derive humor from common, everyday lifetime events. It just seems so easy and natural. I’ve also harbored admiration for those who are the life of a party. People gather around them just to hear them share stories, anecdotes, delightful trivia, and humorous asides. These are the people who everyone wants to sit by, talk to, and have around. Why can’t I be more like them?

It is clear from casual observation that having a sense of humor can have a positive effect on your life. Think about it. A sense of humor is good for your health. Also, it enlivens relationships, relieves stress, helps you deal with pain and discomfort, enriches your creativity, encourages positive thinking, helps people get acquainted, enhances your ability to solve problems, energizes meetings, strengthens your effectiveness in the world, and, above all, feels good and makes other people happy. A sense of humor is a characteristic of successful people.

If you are an employer you probably already know that with a sense of humor employees will rate you as more effective at getting things done and more concerned about their well being. A sense of humor is the most important ingredient females look for in a partner, and humor and laughter are the social glue that help create trust and familiarity in relationships. For teachers it is one of the top-rated elements that separate good teachers from bad on student rating forms. Also, if you are a person with a sense of humor people will not only feel comfortable in your presence, but others will find it easier to approach and converse with you. It is a sense of humor that builds rapport between you and others and, too, a degree of trust. It even makes strangers feel welcome.

From these examples alone and, too, from the many benefits, it is easy to see why doing everything you can to build or improve your sense of humor can pay rich and immediate dividends. So the question becomes, how do you develop a sense of humor? Can you do it?

Obviously, for some it will be easier than for others since some people have a natural, comfortable easiness already. A sense of humor is affected by personality, gender, and even level of intelligence. That explains why one person may burst into laughter upon hearing a joke while another my scorn or even become angry.

Did you know that researchers have shown that many people judge the physical appearance of people with a sense of humor much higher than the physical appearance of dull people even if their actual looks are about the same?

The most important place to begin in developing a sense of humor is with yourself. Don’t take yourself too seriously. The fact that you are not perfect can become one aspect, perhaps the first, in helping you build a sense of humor. When you become aware of your own behavior, you will quickly discover that we all make mistakes — your stumbles and fumbles can be a starting point. If you can begin to laugh at your mistakes, or find an inside joke about yourself, you have a place to start. Share it with those who will appreciate it — your friends and family members. The ability to laugh at yourself is the mark of a person with a great sense of humor.

“Self-deprecating humor,” Chuck Gallozzi says at the personaldevelopment.com website, “is positive because it encourages humility.” In his essay, “Sense of humor,” Gallozzi, continues by saying, “It also fosters courage, for that is exactly what is needed to remove the mask one normally wears and expose one's weaknesses to all.” That’s why there is such humility in laughing at yourself, because it rips off the mask of pretentiousness, affectation, and artificiality and, thus, reveals the human behind the facade.

The second important place to begin is by looking at and appreciating life around you. It’s so easy and natural. Even if you have a spark of talent in this direction, you can improve on it and cultivate it by simply improving your observational skills. Observe nature to find the unusual or bazaar. Look at things in your environment — the things with which you have contact everyday — to discover the atypical, unexpected, and odd. Also, and this may be the most important one, examine other people. Become a “people watcher” not just to see them but to discover the humor in human behavior — the unconventional, peculiar, and freaky.

The third place to begin developing a sense of humor is by watching funny things, reading funny things, and surrounding yourself with funny people.. All of these suggestions are worthy of consideration; however, there is no need to try them all at once. Proceed slowly. Situational comedies on television can help you with a sense of timing, but you have to remember that the jokes you hear on such shows have been previously written and memorized; people are seldom that funny in real life.

Reading funny things can help you. If you collect and read books on humor, you gain information, true, but it can serve an additional function as well.. The book, How to be funny on purpose: Creating and consuming humor, by Edgar E. Willis, for example, gives specific instructions on how to construct jokes and humorous material. Once you are aware of how jokes are constructed, you will become a more knowledgeable consumer. You will know what makes certain jokes work and others fail. You will know, too, the circumstances when jokes should be told and when they should not.

Developing a sense of humor is important, and it has many benefits, but if your personality and disposition tend to be a bit reserved, formal, cool, stiff, or wooden, it will be a more difficult task than for those who are predisposed to humor through their nature, mood, and temperament. When your entire frame of mind easily gives way to comedy, funniness, and kidding, the contrast becomes obvious and easily observed. It is almost as if some people are born with the “funny-gene,” and others are not. However, that does not mean anyone cannot work toward developing and incorporating more humor in their lives — and for heavens’ sake, this world needs more people with a sense of humor, no matter how slight, or seemingly insignificant that might at first appear. Minimal is certainly much better than none at all.

---

I highly recommend Chuck Gallozzi’s essay, “Sense of humor," at personal-development.com. Gallozzi’s subtitle is: “When you lose your sense of humor, you lose your footing,” and he summarizes his essay in this way: “Summarizing, a good sense of humor keeps us lighthearted, and hopeful. Like Thomas Edison (1847 ~ 1931), we'll be able to say, "When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out OK." As long as we maintain our sense of humor, we'll never be poor. How will you know if you have a good sense of humor? Frank Tyger explains, "The ultimate test of whether you possess a sense of humor is your reaction when someone tells you you don't.."

In this interesting and informative essay by Dr. Brian G. Gilmartin, “Sense of humor,” he writes, “The ability to spontaneously laugh is important not only from the standpoint of being looked upon favorably by others, but also from the standpoint of sheer physical (medical) health and longevity.” Gilmartin focuses on relationships and particularly the “love-shy” problem, and he concludes, “Nevertheless, it seems quite apparent that an inability to be spontaneously real in one's interactions with others is a very central aspect of the love-shyness problem..” This essay is an excerpt from his book: Shyness & Love: Causes, Consequences, and Treatment (University Press of America, Inc., 1987), Pgs. 417 - 418.

---

© Copyright 2009 - And Then Some Publishing, LLC