"No word can be judged as to whether it is good or bad, correct or incorrect, beautiful or ugly, or anything else that matters to a writer, in isolation." ---I. A. Richards
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The need to be right means being crippled by your own judgment
by Richard L. Weaver II
Sitting in the barber’s chair, we (my barber and I) overheard a conversation between two gentlemen sitting in nearby chairs. The two gentlemen were discussing political issues, and their discussion began as a friendly, casual conversation that involved the sharing of opinions. What was so intriguing was how quickly their voices rose and the escalation from pleasantness to hostility stunned others in the barbershop as each man tried to prove the other wrong and himself, right. Suddenly, noticing that everyone in the shop was listening, they cut their conversation off. This was one example of how the need to be right is one of the most prevalent needs in our society today.
We all have a touch of the need to be right and control others, and we all have areas of self-righteousness where we believe we know better than others. The need to be right is probably learned early in life when we did not have power and someone else was critical, angry, or abusive with us. When we observe that mean adults or bullies who are the loudest or the angriest often get their way, or that putting power trips on others is rewarded, we rationalize that it’s okay, and soon it becomes habitual behavior whenever we feel threatened.
Sometimes we feel the need to be right no matter what the circumstances or even the consequences. Our egos become so enmeshed in the moment that it can feel like we’re defending our life, and we no longer hear anything the other person is saying. The amount of emotional energy exerted can be enormous, and it can even turn a good day into a rotten one all in the name of being right.
If you have the need to be right, consider the fact that we are all fallible human beings viewing the world through our own filter systems. Every belief, opinion, or observation is affected by our values, needs, goals, interests, other beliefs, attitudes, expectations, wants, knowledge, feelings, language, education, and experience. What is the likelihood any two people would share the same view of the world? We are all at different points on our paths and depending on how far apart those points are, often determines how easily our feathers will get ruffled by someone else’s beliefs.
The problem with the need to always be right is the way it manifests itself in our daily behavior. Because of the way it is seen by others, it is likely to negatively affect, even destroy, relationships. The more we display a rigidity of thought, the more anger and disapproval we are likely to experience. The need to always be right is revealed in our inability to say “I don’t know” or “I was wrong,” a high need to expect others to see things our way, feeling threatened when new ideas come from others, fear of hearing new information that threatens our beliefs, fear of letting go (not being in control), a preoccupation with winning approval from others, our need to be seen as tough, powerful, and strong, our pride at always being rational and logical, discomfort in expressing sensitive feelings, shame and fear of being perceived as vulnerable and insecure, belief that others who disagree should “just get over it,” and use of charm, anger, withdrawal, or blaming to settle arguments.
Freud labeled the fear of being wrong “omnipotence of thought.” He considered it a psychological defense to avoid inner anxiety and a sense of becoming fragmented when there is disagreement.
The reason some people feel the need to be right all the time is that it validates their self worth and self confidence. Often, these people are preoccupied with imagined shortcomings of others and perceived attacks from them. Feeling betrayed by others, they justify their criticizing and blaming of others to avoid the insight that they themselves might be in error. Because of the fear of losing power, they use anger to keep others from asserting themselves.
The beauty in all of this is that we are not confined to nor restrained within “the need to be right” prison. Change is possible. The questions we need to ask ourselves are, “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?” “Do I want to get my way, or do I want to feel closeness with others?” or “Do I want to think about me, or do I want to think about we?” Often, our need to be right transforms us into a person we don’t want to be: an arrogant, self-righteous, sanctimonious, narrow-minded, “I know better than you” personality that drives people away.
“I always need to be right” shuts the door to new knowledge, refuses to consider the opinions of others, and obliterates new ideas. Edward de Bono, one of our greatest thinkers, said, “The need to be right all the time is the biggest bar to new ideas. It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong than to be always right by having no ideas at all.”
The first step to overcoming the need to be right may be the most difficult. We have to become aware of our thoughts, and ask the right questions. Suppose you are in a relationship, and you are always arguing with your spouse. The questions are: “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?” “Do I want to be always right, or do I want to be part of a loving relationship?” “Do I want to be right and hurtful, or do I want to be accepting and caring?
The second step is to become more open-minded — willing to embrace the ideas of others. When others speak, don’t look for points to disagree with; look for wisdom you can add to your own. Try not to interrupt when others speak. Allow people to have their say, and consider it an interesting perspective instead of one that is all wrong and just plain ignorant. Let them know it’s an interesting way to see something. Tell them you never thought of it that way. When you disagree, summarize the other’s point of view first, before presenting your own.
As you control your need to be right, you will get in touch with your feelings, learn to deal appropriately with things that upset you, develop your intuitive, creative side, learn to deal with anxious feelings, handle the challenges others bring up, become more self-sufficient, open up new possibilities, have more energy to spend on important things, and discover the fun in life. As a result, your self-esteem will soar. Ralph Marston, writer and publisher of The Daily Motivator, writes, “Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You’re able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment.”
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At ResultsThroughIntegrity, Peter G. Vajda, in his essay, “Do you need to be right?,” offers a short reflective essay that ends with the following questions for self-reflection: What will happen if I let go of my need to be right? What won’t happen if I let go of my need to be right? What will happen if I don’t let go of my need to be right? What won’t happen if I don’t let go of my need to be right? What is threatening to me about not being right? Do I feel enslaved by a need to be right? If so, how does this feeling affect me? Affect others? How do I feel when I am “wrong?” Why do I feel this way?
How do I deal with the “unknown?” Would you rather be right or happy?
At Audreymarlene-lifecoach.com, Marlene has an excellent essay that covers the following topics: 1) Mr. Right, 2) The Need To Be Right - What Does It Mean? 3) Inflexible Thinking, 4) Give Up the Mr. Right mentality!, and 5) Quotes on Being Right.
At Bizymoms.com, the essay by Stephen Hopson Is called, “How to Deal With Difficult People,” in which Hopson offers readers 7 things to do in the presence of a difficult person. The suggestions are specific, to the point, and practical.
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Copyright May, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Sitting in the barber’s chair, we (my barber and I) overheard a conversation between two gentlemen sitting in nearby chairs. The two gentlemen were discussing political issues, and their discussion began as a friendly, casual conversation that involved the sharing of opinions. What was so intriguing was how quickly their voices rose and the escalation from pleasantness to hostility stunned others in the barbershop as each man tried to prove the other wrong and himself, right. Suddenly, noticing that everyone in the shop was listening, they cut their conversation off. This was one example of how the need to be right is one of the most prevalent needs in our society today.
We all have a touch of the need to be right and control others, and we all have areas of self-righteousness where we believe we know better than others. The need to be right is probably learned early in life when we did not have power and someone else was critical, angry, or abusive with us. When we observe that mean adults or bullies who are the loudest or the angriest often get their way, or that putting power trips on others is rewarded, we rationalize that it’s okay, and soon it becomes habitual behavior whenever we feel threatened.
Sometimes we feel the need to be right no matter what the circumstances or even the consequences. Our egos become so enmeshed in the moment that it can feel like we’re defending our life, and we no longer hear anything the other person is saying. The amount of emotional energy exerted can be enormous, and it can even turn a good day into a rotten one all in the name of being right.
If you have the need to be right, consider the fact that we are all fallible human beings viewing the world through our own filter systems. Every belief, opinion, or observation is affected by our values, needs, goals, interests, other beliefs, attitudes, expectations, wants, knowledge, feelings, language, education, and experience. What is the likelihood any two people would share the same view of the world? We are all at different points on our paths and depending on how far apart those points are, often determines how easily our feathers will get ruffled by someone else’s beliefs.
The problem with the need to always be right is the way it manifests itself in our daily behavior. Because of the way it is seen by others, it is likely to negatively affect, even destroy, relationships. The more we display a rigidity of thought, the more anger and disapproval we are likely to experience. The need to always be right is revealed in our inability to say “I don’t know” or “I was wrong,” a high need to expect others to see things our way, feeling threatened when new ideas come from others, fear of hearing new information that threatens our beliefs, fear of letting go (not being in control), a preoccupation with winning approval from others, our need to be seen as tough, powerful, and strong, our pride at always being rational and logical, discomfort in expressing sensitive feelings, shame and fear of being perceived as vulnerable and insecure, belief that others who disagree should “just get over it,” and use of charm, anger, withdrawal, or blaming to settle arguments.
Freud labeled the fear of being wrong “omnipotence of thought.” He considered it a psychological defense to avoid inner anxiety and a sense of becoming fragmented when there is disagreement.
The reason some people feel the need to be right all the time is that it validates their self worth and self confidence. Often, these people are preoccupied with imagined shortcomings of others and perceived attacks from them. Feeling betrayed by others, they justify their criticizing and blaming of others to avoid the insight that they themselves might be in error. Because of the fear of losing power, they use anger to keep others from asserting themselves.
The beauty in all of this is that we are not confined to nor restrained within “the need to be right” prison. Change is possible. The questions we need to ask ourselves are, “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?” “Do I want to get my way, or do I want to feel closeness with others?” or “Do I want to think about me, or do I want to think about we?” Often, our need to be right transforms us into a person we don’t want to be: an arrogant, self-righteous, sanctimonious, narrow-minded, “I know better than you” personality that drives people away.
“I always need to be right” shuts the door to new knowledge, refuses to consider the opinions of others, and obliterates new ideas. Edward de Bono, one of our greatest thinkers, said, “The need to be right all the time is the biggest bar to new ideas. It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong than to be always right by having no ideas at all.”
The first step to overcoming the need to be right may be the most difficult. We have to become aware of our thoughts, and ask the right questions. Suppose you are in a relationship, and you are always arguing with your spouse. The questions are: “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?” “Do I want to be always right, or do I want to be part of a loving relationship?” “Do I want to be right and hurtful, or do I want to be accepting and caring?
The second step is to become more open-minded — willing to embrace the ideas of others. When others speak, don’t look for points to disagree with; look for wisdom you can add to your own. Try not to interrupt when others speak. Allow people to have their say, and consider it an interesting perspective instead of one that is all wrong and just plain ignorant. Let them know it’s an interesting way to see something. Tell them you never thought of it that way. When you disagree, summarize the other’s point of view first, before presenting your own.
As you control your need to be right, you will get in touch with your feelings, learn to deal appropriately with things that upset you, develop your intuitive, creative side, learn to deal with anxious feelings, handle the challenges others bring up, become more self-sufficient, open up new possibilities, have more energy to spend on important things, and discover the fun in life. As a result, your self-esteem will soar. Ralph Marston, writer and publisher of The Daily Motivator, writes, “Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You’re able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment.”
-----
At ResultsThroughIntegrity
How do I deal with the “unknown?” Would you rather be right or happy?
At Audreymarlene-lifecoach.com
At Bizymoms.com
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Copyright May, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
SMOERs: Words of Wisdom
Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy. —Wayne Dyer
Day #58 - Do not dwell on your unhappiness.
Day #58 - Do not dwell on your unhappiness.
SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
And Then Some News
Please be patient... we're updating our blog. Over the next few weeks you can expect better integration of our links and easier navigation to all of the content in the And Then Some Publishing family of websites.
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Thursday’s essay is the second one in this two-part series about having to be right, and the essay is entitled, “The need to be right means being crippled by your own judgment.” It is simply a slightly different slant on the same topic as last week. Once again, if you are a person who always needs to be right, if you know someone who has a need to always be right, or if your relationship partner is the one who always needs to be right, you will love this essay.Share your link. Have you written anything on people who always need to be right? Are you such a person? Do you know someone who is? Can you share some insights with readers? What would you like to tell people who always need to be right? Any personal information you would like to share with them? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
The need to be right means being crippled by your own judgment
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
The problem with the need to always be right is the way it manifests itself in our daily behavior. Because of the way it is seen by others, it is likely to negatively affect, even destroy, relationships. The more we display a rigidity of thought, the more anger and disapproval we are likely to experience. The need to always be right is revealed in our inability to say “I don’t know” or “I was wrong,” a high need to expect others to see things our way, feeling threatened when new ideas come from others, fear of hearing new information that threatens our beliefs, fear of letting go (not being in control), a preoccupation with winning approval from others, our need to be seen as tough, powerful, and strong, our pride at always being rational and logical, discomfort in expressing sensitive feelings, shame and fear of being perceived as vulnerable and insecure, belief that others who disagree should “just get over it,” and use of charm, anger, withdrawal, or blaming to settle arguments.
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Book Review Mondays
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: The Last Lectureby Randy Pausch |
by Randy Pausch
Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD.
Randy Pausch's 224-page book, The Last Lecture, is exactly what most would expect from an expanded last lecture: a great deal of "live life to the fullest" advice about remembering to laugh, seizing every moment, overcoming obstacles, appreciating the gifts you receive, and enabling the dreams of others. In ease of writing and types of advice, it reminded me of Mitch Albom's Tuesdays With Morrie. Pausch's advice is that we can face any challenge in life as long as we face it with optimism and determination. Of course the message has been stated before, but it never hurts to hear it repeated again. What I found most lasting from his book are the timeless lessons of showing gratitude, setting goals, keeping commitments, tolerating frustration, maintaining a sense of humor, telling the truth, working hard, and celebrating victories. Because his live lecture is more succinct and reveals Pausch's character and the emotion accompanying the ideas, it is more inspirational. If you watch his lecture (free) on youtube (or you were fortunate to see it live), you know that he is a charismatic, intelligent, funny man who easily and comfortably connects with his listeners. There is no doubt that the book is upbeat and moving. Also, it is full of love, courage, wisdom, decency, intelligence, helpful life lessons, tips, and examples from the people and students he knew. If you want to give someone a gift of hope and affirmation, this would be an excellent choice.
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Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorks website.
Randy Pausch's 224-page book, The Last Lecture, is exactly what most would expect from an expanded last lecture: a great deal of "live life to the fullest" advice about remembering to laugh, seizing every moment, overcoming obstacles, appreciating the gifts you receive, and enabling the dreams of others. In ease of writing and types of advice, it reminded me of Mitch Albom's Tuesdays With Morrie. Pausch's advice is that we can face any challenge in life as long as we face it with optimism and determination. Of course the message has been stated before, but it never hurts to hear it repeated again. What I found most lasting from his book are the timeless lessons of showing gratitude, setting goals, keeping commitments, tolerating frustration, maintaining a sense of humor, telling the truth, working hard, and celebrating victories. Because his live lecture is more succinct and reveals Pausch's character and the emotion accompanying the ideas, it is more inspirational. If you watch his lecture (free) on youtube (or you were fortunate to see it live), you know that he is a charismatic, intelligent, funny man who easily and comfortably connects with his listeners. There is no doubt that the book is upbeat and moving. Also, it is full of love, courage, wisdom, decency, intelligence, helpful life lessons, tips, and examples from the people and students he knew. If you want to give someone a gift of hope and affirmation, this would be an excellent choice.
-----
Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorks website.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Everyone hates a know-it-all, so give up your need to be right
by Richard L. Weaver II
I plead guilty; however, I also confess that I was unaware of the severity of the problem for much of my life. Why did I feel I needed to be right? There were a variety of reasons, of course, but I think the main one had to do with insecurity. Needing to be right validated my self worth and self confidence. It was never a deep-seated need, but it was clearly present, and I think it may have been encouraged by my teachers. Because I always excelled in school, I was depended upon by my teachers for doing things well, knowing the answers to questions and problems, and being a competent, dependable, responsible student. This, too, buttressed my self worth and self confidence. I thought that if I was right, I must be worthy.
The verbal clues given off by people who always need to be right are obvious when you’re around them. They always want the last word; no point is too small to fight over and win; they find it difficult, if not impossible, to apologize; they seldom if ever compromise; they consider it a sign of weakness to admit to being wrong; and they secretly believe that the three most beautiful words in the English language are, “You are right.” All of these are telltale signs.
The need to be right, of course, is a deep unmet need of our ego. It is our ego that stabilizes our self-image and reaffirms our self-deception. Our ego almost craves being right in order to secure more validation. By constantly being right, we receive the attention and approval we need to feel good about ourselves.
Giving in to being wrong, especially when you are in the habit of always being right, feels awful. Because being right is so closely tied in to our ego — the very core of our being — to admit being wrong threatens our survival.
It is easy to wonder what is wrong with always needing to be right? First, it means that you are judging and criticizing others to make them be wrong. Judging others says more about you than the person you are judging.
Second, always driven by the need to be right means you are driven by the need for control. You need others to be wrong so you can feel good about yourself. You are making yourself feel good at another’s expense.
The third thing wrong with having to always be right is that it allows you to exult in separation and superiority. The more you are right, the more likely you will stand both separate and superior to those in the wrong. It may feel like it puts you on a pedestal — so you have a higher vantage point to look down upon all those who are wrong — but what it really does is set up walls and defenses against the possibility of feeling vulnerable.
There is a fourth thing wrong with having to always be right, and that has to do with how this characteristic is perceived by others. Anyone who gets involved with you is likely to associate you with qualities such as intolerance, bullying, arrogance, boredom, argumentativeness, and sometimes, utter exhaustion.
For leaders, the fear of being wrong can make it extremely difficult to tolerate members of their own management team who challenge their ideas or conclusions. Over time, dissenting voices become quiet, and the management team becomes nothing more than a rubber stamp for the leader’s thinking. The creativity and imagination of the team is lost. Leaders who need to be right tend to dominate discussions and attempt to control the thinking of others, rather than see others as resources who can expand their understanding of issues and opportunities.
I remember when the transition occurred for me. That is, I remember when I was able to evolve from the fear of being wrong. It was about midway through my college career as a student. It was when I discovered that who I was — my very essence — felt right. It had less to do with facts or knowledge, although they contributed. It was based on what I felt to be the truth about my own intrinsic value and existence. My life, I suspected, was neither more nor less than the value of anyone else’s. If I was wrong about that, so what? When I was wrong, it was still all right, but I had to grow into that level of mature awareness.
Now, it should be clear that there is a big difference between being right and being righteous. Being righteous is all about ego. That is when you think you have a monopoly on “right.” When you are self-righteous you not only know you have all the answers, but anyone who does not believe as you do is wrong. Righteous folks are frightened folks. Often they were raised on fear-based ideas put forth by otherwise well-meaning parents and institutions. They are wrapped up in their own world. Whenever you feel the need to express righteousness, know that it’s your ego rearing its ugly head.
To become a person who does not possess this need to be right requires a great deal of self-awareness. Self-awareness? Yes, because you must observe and catch yourself in the act of being adamant and inflexible. If you are willing to own this behavior — “It’s me; I am being inflexible”—and then forgive yourself for doing it — “I’m sorry; I won’t let it happen again”—this has the potential to raise you to a higher level of consciousness. By breaking into your rigidity, you will increase your personal power. Instead of having power over others, you will develop power over yourself. That is the essence of self-esteem.
Self-awareness? Yes, because if you don’t break the pattern, nobody can do it for you. You have to want to give up being in control. Stop and ask yourself, “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?” “Do I want to get my way, or do I want to feel closeness with others?”
The beauty of such a dramatic change can be seen immediately. Others will feel more comfortable in approaching you to talk; you will no longer react to others with defensiveness and anger; you will relinquish self-centeredness and look, instead, to the needs of those around you; you will develop intimacy and connectedness; you will begin to take responsibility for your part in conflicts, and you will view conflict as an opportunity for growth; life will become more exciting because your choices and alternatives will increase, and there will be more adventures in your life; you will have more energy to spend on things that are really important; and you will develop skills for safely expressing your anger, resolving your frustrations; and managing your conflicts.
Everyone hates a know-it-all, so give up your need to be right.
-----
“How to let go of the need to be right,” an essay by Debbie Mandel, at the web site, Health & Beyond, asks readers to give up their need to be right, and Mandel offers 8 specific suggestions to help let go of the absolute truth.
Lora J. Adrianse, in her short essay, “Let go of the need to be right!,” explains how to recognize the need to be right and offers a six-point challenge to correct the problem.
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Copyright May, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
I plead guilty; however, I also confess that I was unaware of the severity of the problem for much of my life. Why did I feel I needed to be right? There were a variety of reasons, of course, but I think the main one had to do with insecurity. Needing to be right validated my self worth and self confidence. It was never a deep-seated need, but it was clearly present, and I think it may have been encouraged by my teachers. Because I always excelled in school, I was depended upon by my teachers for doing things well, knowing the answers to questions and problems, and being a competent, dependable, responsible student. This, too, buttressed my self worth and self confidence. I thought that if I was right, I must be worthy.
The verbal clues given off by people who always need to be right are obvious when you’re around them. They always want the last word; no point is too small to fight over and win; they find it difficult, if not impossible, to apologize; they seldom if ever compromise; they consider it a sign of weakness to admit to being wrong; and they secretly believe that the three most beautiful words in the English language are, “You are right.” All of these are telltale signs.
The need to be right, of course, is a deep unmet need of our ego. It is our ego that stabilizes our self-image and reaffirms our self-deception. Our ego almost craves being right in order to secure more validation. By constantly being right, we receive the attention and approval we need to feel good about ourselves.
Giving in to being wrong, especially when you are in the habit of always being right, feels awful. Because being right is so closely tied in to our ego — the very core of our being — to admit being wrong threatens our survival.
It is easy to wonder what is wrong with always needing to be right? First, it means that you are judging and criticizing others to make them be wrong. Judging others says more about you than the person you are judging.
Second, always driven by the need to be right means you are driven by the need for control. You need others to be wrong so you can feel good about yourself. You are making yourself feel good at another’s expense.
The third thing wrong with having to always be right is that it allows you to exult in separation and superiority. The more you are right, the more likely you will stand both separate and superior to those in the wrong. It may feel like it puts you on a pedestal — so you have a higher vantage point to look down upon all those who are wrong — but what it really does is set up walls and defenses against the possibility of feeling vulnerable.
There is a fourth thing wrong with having to always be right, and that has to do with how this characteristic is perceived by others. Anyone who gets involved with you is likely to associate you with qualities such as intolerance, bullying, arrogance, boredom, argumentativeness, and sometimes, utter exhaustion.
For leaders, the fear of being wrong can make it extremely difficult to tolerate members of their own management team who challenge their ideas or conclusions. Over time, dissenting voices become quiet, and the management team becomes nothing more than a rubber stamp for the leader’s thinking. The creativity and imagination of the team is lost. Leaders who need to be right tend to dominate discussions and attempt to control the thinking of others, rather than see others as resources who can expand their understanding of issues and opportunities.
I remember when the transition occurred for me. That is, I remember when I was able to evolve from the fear of being wrong. It was about midway through my college career as a student. It was when I discovered that who I was — my very essence — felt right. It had less to do with facts or knowledge, although they contributed. It was based on what I felt to be the truth about my own intrinsic value and existence. My life, I suspected, was neither more nor less than the value of anyone else’s. If I was wrong about that, so what? When I was wrong, it was still all right, but I had to grow into that level of mature awareness.
Now, it should be clear that there is a big difference between being right and being righteous. Being righteous is all about ego. That is when you think you have a monopoly on “right.” When you are self-righteous you not only know you have all the answers, but anyone who does not believe as you do is wrong. Righteous folks are frightened folks. Often they were raised on fear-based ideas put forth by otherwise well-meaning parents and institutions. They are wrapped up in their own world. Whenever you feel the need to express righteousness, know that it’s your ego rearing its ugly head.
To become a person who does not possess this need to be right requires a great deal of self-awareness. Self-awareness? Yes, because you must observe and catch yourself in the act of being adamant and inflexible. If you are willing to own this behavior — “It’s me; I am being inflexible”—and then forgive yourself for doing it — “I’m sorry; I won’t let it happen again”—this has the potential to raise you to a higher level of consciousness. By breaking into your rigidity, you will increase your personal power. Instead of having power over others, you will develop power over yourself. That is the essence of self-esteem.
Self-awareness? Yes, because if you don’t break the pattern, nobody can do it for you. You have to want to give up being in control. Stop and ask yourself, “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?” “Do I want to get my way, or do I want to feel closeness with others?”
The beauty of such a dramatic change can be seen immediately. Others will feel more comfortable in approaching you to talk; you will no longer react to others with defensiveness and anger; you will relinquish self-centeredness and look, instead, to the needs of those around you; you will develop intimacy and connectedness; you will begin to take responsibility for your part in conflicts, and you will view conflict as an opportunity for growth; life will become more exciting because your choices and alternatives will increase, and there will be more adventures in your life; you will have more energy to spend on things that are really important; and you will develop skills for safely expressing your anger, resolving your frustrations; and managing your conflicts.
Everyone hates a know-it-all, so give up your need to be right.
-----
“How to let go of the need to be right,” an essay by Debbie Mandel, at the web site, Health & Beyond, asks readers to give up their need to be right, and Mandel offers 8 specific suggestions to help let go of the absolute truth.
Lora J. Adrianse, in her short essay, “Let go of the need to be right!,” explains how to recognize the need to be right and offers a six-point challenge to correct the problem.
------
Copyright May, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
SMOERs: Words of Wisdom
Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push. A smile. A word of optimism and hope. A “you can do it” when things are tough. —Richard M. DeVos
Day #57 - Give yourself messages of beauty, hope, cheer, and courage.
Day #57 - Give yourself messages of beauty, hope, cheer, and courage.
SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
And Then Some News
Thursday’s essay, “Everyone hates a know-it-all, so give up your need to be right,” is the first of two essays on the need to be right. Next week's focuses on the same topic. This week's essay focuses on what’s wrong with the need to be right, the benefits of giving up the need to be right, and specific methods for accomplishing it. If you are a person who always needs to be right, if you know someone who has a need to always be right, or if it happens to be your relationship partner, this essay is for you.
Share your link. Have you written anything on people who always need to be right? Are you such a person? Can you share some insights with readers? What would you like to tell people who always need to be right? Any personal information you would like to share with them? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
Everyone hates a know-it-all, so give up your need to be right
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
To become a person who does not possess this need to be right requires a great deal of self-awareness. Self-awareness? Yes, because you must observe and catch yourself in the act of being adamant and inflexible. If you are willing to own this behavior—“It’s me; I am being inflexible”—and then forgive yourself for doing it—“I’m sorry; I won’t let it happen again”—this has the potential to raise you to a higher level of consciousness. By breaking into your rigidity, you will increase your personal power. Instead of having power over others, you will develop power over yourself. That is the essence of self-esteem.
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
Share your link. Have you written anything on people who always need to be right? Are you such a person? Can you share some insights with readers? What would you like to tell people who always need to be right? Any personal information you would like to share with them? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
Everyone hates a know-it-all, so give up your need to be right
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
To become a person who does not possess this need to be right requires a great deal of self-awareness. Self-awareness? Yes, because you must observe and catch yourself in the act of being adamant and inflexible. If you are willing to own this behavior—“It’s me; I am being inflexible”—and then forgive yourself for doing it—“I’m sorry; I won’t let it happen again”—this has the potential to raise you to a higher level of consciousness. By breaking into your rigidity, you will increase your personal power. Instead of having power over others, you will develop power over yourself. That is the essence of self-esteem.
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Book Review Mondays
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: |
by Ann Patchett
Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD.
Ann Patchett's book, What now?, is based on her commencement address at Sarah Lawrence College. There are several strengths that make me recommend this book without reservation. First, Patchett is a wonderful writer. Her use of language is straightforward, true, but it is delightful and image-stirring as well, and it offers great examples for young writers. Second, she adapts beautifully to her audience, and having been a student at Sarah Lawrence herself, she was able to bring numerous personal experiences to bear as she told her own story of attending college, graduating, and struggling with the question, "What now?" (from the front jacket) Third,, her address/essay offers hope and inspiration for people at the crossroads. It appeals to those just graduating, or, just as easily, to those changing careers or transitioning from one life stage to another. (Again, from the front jacket.) Although her conclusion is a universal cliche, that there is as much joy in the journey as there is in the destination, the context of the writing --- and Patchett's language --- renders it truly outstanding. It's a short read, but it is a worthwhile and satisfying read.
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Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorks website.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
The all-purpose commencement address
by Richard L. Weaver II
Is it odd or simply ironic that after all the misery this university has foisted on you up to this point, that the university would add one more miserable hurdle — the commencement-day address — a custom dating back to the 12th century — that you must jump for you to gain closure on your years and years of misery? I think it may be oddly ironic. It was Garry Trudeau who said, “Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.”
Anyone who graduated from college close to fifty years ago has to have some words of advice for those graduating today, and I am no exception. It’s not really, “do as I say, not as I did,” as much as, “things I wish I had known when I was your age.” When I give my talk on “Becoming a writer” to fourth and fifth graders, one of the questions I get is, “Did you want to become a writer when you were our age?” That’s a terrific question, and the answer is, “No, but I didn’t have someone come to my class when I was your age and talk about becoming a writer, either! I mean, it could have changed my life much earlier!” In much the same way, I wish I had had a commencement speaker willing to level with me!
Commencement addresses need to encourage graduates to make a commitment to excellence, develop strong character, and serve their community and the world. These encouragements are what is known as boilerplate expectations for such speeches, and, to me, these are fine expectations, but if you haven’t developed these traits along the way during your formal education, I really don’t see a whole lot of hope for you in starting now, so such advice, to me, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense at this point in your life!
Another, what I would call “pedestrian,” call to arms is to work hard, because you never know what’s coming next, but with hard work you will be prepared for it. Well, I know there are many different routes to getting where you are seated today, but I would suspect that for most of you, hard work — at least at some points — got you this far. If you haven’t developed a sufficient work ethic by this point in your life, I doubt you’ll be discovering it after graduation!
There are several other wrong pieces of advice, too. For example, the idea that this is the best, happiest, or greatest day of your life! Oh, come on, this is graduation day, nothing more. I hope it’s not the best, happiest, or greatest day of your life because it means your life is all downhill from here. When you look back on your life, it’s unlikely you will call it that because you’ve got weddings, anniversaries, the birth of your first child, and employment and promotions, among other things, to celebrate and label. Just wait, there is far more and far better to come!
A final piece of wrong advice is that your diploma is your ticket to opportunity. A diploma is nothing more than a piece of paper; it’s you who creates opportunities for yourself. There are many people out there who collected their ticket but never took the ride.. If you don’t expect anything as a result of your graduation, you will soon come to the realization that what you get in life will be what you earn, what you discover, and what you learn to appreciate. A life is not created by a diploma — a life is created by what you are willing to put into it. You are a better gauge of your potential for success than a mere piece of paper. Make a paper airplane from your diploma, send it skyward with a toss, follow that plane with your hopes and dreams, and a full life will be lost.
Okay, if all this is wrong advice, what advice is important and proper? The first piece of advice is an important one. Allow your college experience to be a launching pad into the realm of information, knowledge, learning, and understanding. When you stay informed, seek knowledge, learn from everything with which you have contact, and try to understand the world, you become the educated elite in our society and those upon whom our democracy depends for informed decisions, right thinking, and proper judgment. What you know now is nothing compared with what there is to know! Make a commitment right here, right now: never stop learning, growing, and developing.
My second piece of advice directly follows this first piece. Stop being so arrogant, possessive, and self-satisfied with what you know right now. The fact is that a large percentage of what you are certain of right now, is totally wrong and deluded. The only way to find this out is what I said previously: stay informed, seek knowledge, learn from everything with which you have contact, and try to understand the world. Seek answers. Question everything. Test your knowledge. Read things that are controversial and that are contrary to your beliefs, and listen to those who have something to say. Be skeptical, not cynical. You must exercise control over how and what you think, and choose wisely how you construct meaning from your experiences.
My third piece of advice directly follows from the first two pieces. Remain alert and aware, open and sensitive, flexible and responsive. There is nothing wrong with charting a specific course for achieving success, and I’m sure many of you know exactly what you plan to do. The problem comes when following such a plan blinds you to everything else that goes on in your life. Often, success doesn’t come from following your charted course; it comes from being alert and aware, open and sensitive, flexible and responsive — that is, ready to take a risk, grab a chance, capitalize on an opportunity, or try something off the beaten track. You never know what telling moment, inspiring spark, or arousing insight may change your life.
My final piece of advice is simple: be resilient. When my neighbor said she was given two-week’s notice because her firm eliminated her position, she said, “Now, maybe I can do something I really want to do.” That’s resilience. Ever since grade school you were told that if you worked hard, did well in school, and graduated from college, the world would be yours. The promise was a comfortable future, and what I’m here to tell you is — not that the promise is false, but there is no silver platter. There will be many failures and disappointments, and the more resilient you are, the easier it is to overcome losses, defeats, and catastrophes.
There is one thing for absolute certain about graduation, and this could be cause for celebration alone! When you leave here today, you will have something that no one else in the world has. There are going to be thousands of people out there with your same degree. There will be hundreds, perhaps thousands, too, doing what you will be doing for a living. After all, McDonalds and WalMart are two of the biggest employers in the world! I’m kidding. What will you have that no other person has? You will be the only person in the world who has complete control of your life! Not just now, not just tomorrow or the next day, but for your entire life. Whether it’s at a desk, on a bus or train, in a car, or at the computer, you are in charge, and what you do or don’t do will be the factor that makes all the difference in your life!
By controlling your own life, you are the one who chooses to continue to learn, step away from your arrogance, remain flexible and responsive, and be resilient. In these ways you will be making a commitment to excellence, developing strong character, and serving your community. Graduation is a great time to begin taking charge of your life.
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At GraduationWisdom: The best graduation speeches and quotes, there is a video of Randy Pausch's commencement address [remember: he wrote "The Last Lecture"] as well as links to a number of others and their top-ten list of practical advice given by graduation speakers.
At Humanity. Org, under the heading “Commencement Speeches,” they have links to at least 36 different (outstanding) addresses by prominent individuals.
John Baldoni, at the website, “How to write a commencement address,” the author lists six suggestions for writing such a speech: 1) Check your ego, 2) Share your wisdom, 3) Be square, 4) Lighten up, 5) Dream along with them, and 6) Put yourself into it.
-----
Copyright May, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Is it odd or simply ironic that after all the misery this university has foisted on you up to this point, that the university would add one more miserable hurdle — the commencement-day address — a custom dating back to the 12th century — that you must jump for you to gain closure on your years and years of misery? I think it may be oddly ironic. It was Garry Trudeau who said, “Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.”
Anyone who graduated from college close to fifty years ago has to have some words of advice for those graduating today, and I am no exception. It’s not really, “do as I say, not as I did,” as much as, “things I wish I had known when I was your age.” When I give my talk on “Becoming a writer” to fourth and fifth graders, one of the questions I get is, “Did you want to become a writer when you were our age?” That’s a terrific question, and the answer is, “No, but I didn’t have someone come to my class when I was your age and talk about becoming a writer, either! I mean, it could have changed my life much earlier!” In much the same way, I wish I had had a commencement speaker willing to level with me!
Commencement addresses need to encourage graduates to make a commitment to excellence, develop strong character, and serve their community and the world. These encouragements are what is known as boilerplate expectations for such speeches, and, to me, these are fine expectations, but if you haven’t developed these traits along the way during your formal education, I really don’t see a whole lot of hope for you in starting now, so such advice, to me, doesn’t make a whole lot of sense at this point in your life!
Another, what I would call “pedestrian,” call to arms is to work hard, because you never know what’s coming next, but with hard work you will be prepared for it. Well, I know there are many different routes to getting where you are seated today, but I would suspect that for most of you, hard work — at least at some points — got you this far. If you haven’t developed a sufficient work ethic by this point in your life, I doubt you’ll be discovering it after graduation!
There are several other wrong pieces of advice, too. For example, the idea that this is the best, happiest, or greatest day of your life! Oh, come on, this is graduation day, nothing more. I hope it’s not the best, happiest, or greatest day of your life because it means your life is all downhill from here. When you look back on your life, it’s unlikely you will call it that because you’ve got weddings, anniversaries, the birth of your first child, and employment and promotions, among other things, to celebrate and label. Just wait, there is far more and far better to come!
A final piece of wrong advice is that your diploma is your ticket to opportunity. A diploma is nothing more than a piece of paper; it’s you who creates opportunities for yourself. There are many people out there who collected their ticket but never took the ride.. If you don’t expect anything as a result of your graduation, you will soon come to the realization that what you get in life will be what you earn, what you discover, and what you learn to appreciate. A life is not created by a diploma — a life is created by what you are willing to put into it. You are a better gauge of your potential for success than a mere piece of paper. Make a paper airplane from your diploma, send it skyward with a toss, follow that plane with your hopes and dreams, and a full life will be lost.
Okay, if all this is wrong advice, what advice is important and proper? The first piece of advice is an important one. Allow your college experience to be a launching pad into the realm of information, knowledge, learning, and understanding. When you stay informed, seek knowledge, learn from everything with which you have contact, and try to understand the world, you become the educated elite in our society and those upon whom our democracy depends for informed decisions, right thinking, and proper judgment. What you know now is nothing compared with what there is to know! Make a commitment right here, right now: never stop learning, growing, and developing.
My second piece of advice directly follows this first piece. Stop being so arrogant, possessive, and self-satisfied with what you know right now. The fact is that a large percentage of what you are certain of right now, is totally wrong and deluded. The only way to find this out is what I said previously: stay informed, seek knowledge, learn from everything with which you have contact, and try to understand the world. Seek answers. Question everything. Test your knowledge. Read things that are controversial and that are contrary to your beliefs, and listen to those who have something to say. Be skeptical, not cynical. You must exercise control over how and what you think, and choose wisely how you construct meaning from your experiences.
My third piece of advice directly follows from the first two pieces. Remain alert and aware, open and sensitive, flexible and responsive. There is nothing wrong with charting a specific course for achieving success, and I’m sure many of you know exactly what you plan to do. The problem comes when following such a plan blinds you to everything else that goes on in your life. Often, success doesn’t come from following your charted course; it comes from being alert and aware, open and sensitive, flexible and responsive — that is, ready to take a risk, grab a chance, capitalize on an opportunity, or try something off the beaten track. You never know what telling moment, inspiring spark, or arousing insight may change your life.
My final piece of advice is simple: be resilient. When my neighbor said she was given two-week’s notice because her firm eliminated her position, she said, “Now, maybe I can do something I really want to do.” That’s resilience. Ever since grade school you were told that if you worked hard, did well in school, and graduated from college, the world would be yours. The promise was a comfortable future, and what I’m here to tell you is — not that the promise is false, but there is no silver platter. There will be many failures and disappointments, and the more resilient you are, the easier it is to overcome losses, defeats, and catastrophes.
There is one thing for absolute certain about graduation, and this could be cause for celebration alone! When you leave here today, you will have something that no one else in the world has. There are going to be thousands of people out there with your same degree. There will be hundreds, perhaps thousands, too, doing what you will be doing for a living. After all, McDonalds and WalMart are two of the biggest employers in the world! I’m kidding. What will you have that no other person has? You will be the only person in the world who has complete control of your life! Not just now, not just tomorrow or the next day, but for your entire life. Whether it’s at a desk, on a bus or train, in a car, or at the computer, you are in charge, and what you do or don’t do will be the factor that makes all the difference in your life!
By controlling your own life, you are the one who chooses to continue to learn, step away from your arrogance, remain flexible and responsive, and be resilient. In these ways you will be making a commitment to excellence, developing strong character, and serving your community. Graduation is a great time to begin taking charge of your life.
-----
At GraduationWisdom: The best graduation speeches and quotes, there is a video of Randy Pausch's commencement address [remember: he wrote "The Last Lecture"] as well as links to a number of others and their top-ten list of practical advice given by graduation speakers.
At Humanity. Org, under the heading “Commencement Speeches,” they have links to at least 36 different (outstanding) addresses by prominent individuals.
John Baldoni, at the website, “How to write a commencement address,” the author lists six suggestions for writing such a speech: 1) Check your ego, 2) Share your wisdom, 3) Be square, 4) Lighten up, 5) Dream along with them, and 6) Put yourself into it.
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Copyright May, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
SMOERs: Words of Wisdom
Live that you wouldn’t be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. —Will Rogers
Day #56 - Eliminate all gossip from your life, is the daily reminder in the delightful day-to-day guide, Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! (SMOERs): Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living, compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. The book is now available and can be purchased at Amazon.com at a 10% discount. Once you read just one day, you, too, will want s'more!
Day #56 - Eliminate all gossip from your life, is the daily reminder in the delightful day-to-day guide, Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! (SMOERs): Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living, compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. The book is now available and can be purchased at Amazon.com at a 10% discount. Once you read just one day, you, too, will want s'more!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
And Then Some News
Thursday’s essay, “The all-purpose commencement address,” is an essay that focuses on the information college graduates need to know before they go out into the world. If you are a college graduate, close to being a college graduate, or never were but would like some helpful information, then this essay is for you.
Share your link. Have you written anything on what college graduates should know? Did you graduate? What would you like to tell today’s graduates? Any personal information you would like to share with them? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
The all-purpose commencement address
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
There is one thing for absolute certain about graduation, and this could be cause for celebration alone! When you leave here today, you will have something that no one else in the world has. There are going to be thousands of people out there with your same degree. There will be hundreds, perhaps thousands, too, doing what you will be doing for a living. After all, McDonalds and WalMart are two of the biggest employers in the world! I’m kidding. What will you have that no other person has? You will be the only person in the world who has complete control of your life! Not just now, not just tomorrow or the next day, but for your entire life. Whether it’s at a desk, on a bus or train, in a car, or at the computer, you are in charge, and what you do or don’t do will be the factor that makes all the difference in your life!
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
Share your link. Have you written anything on what college graduates should know? Did you graduate? What would you like to tell today’s graduates? Any personal information you would like to share with them? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
The all-purpose commencement address
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
There is one thing for absolute certain about graduation, and this could be cause for celebration alone! When you leave here today, you will have something that no one else in the world has. There are going to be thousands of people out there with your same degree. There will be hundreds, perhaps thousands, too, doing what you will be doing for a living. After all, McDonalds and WalMart are two of the biggest employers in the world! I’m kidding. What will you have that no other person has? You will be the only person in the world who has complete control of your life! Not just now, not just tomorrow or the next day, but for your entire life. Whether it’s at a desk, on a bus or train, in a car, or at the computer, you are in charge, and what you do or don’t do will be the factor that makes all the difference in your life!
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Book Review Mondays
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: |
by Woodson Merrell
Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD.
Woodson Merrell's 383-page book, The Source: Unleash Your Natural Energy, Power Up Your Health, and Feel 10 Years Younger, is designed to break the fatigue cycle with a six-step 21-Day Plan for becoming an energy creator rather than an energy consumer (from the front jacket). The "Intregrative Medicine" approach (He blends into his practice aspects of foreign cultures' views on health, homeopathy, quantum physics, and spirituality to connect mind, body, heart, and spirit.) explained in Part I, "Transforming Energy: Six Ways to Reclaim Your Vitality (through mind, food, detoxification, exercise, rest, and spirit), is developed/applied in Part II, his "21 Days to Optimal Energy," in which he assists readers through a three-week program of detoxifying, energizing, and maximizing the body's energy output. Whether you follow his plan or not, the part of the book most interesting to me was Part III, "Menus and Recipes." These were created by Stefanie Bryn Sacks, M.S., who is a culinary nutritionist, and many of them looked incredibly appetizing. The book is well-written, contains excellent ideas, valuable research, and practical suggestions.
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Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorks website.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Weekend Words
"The power of words is the most conservative force in our life." ---C. K. Ogden and I. A. Richards
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Everyone has a story to tell, and everyone loves a story
by Richard L. Weaver II
Have you ever noticed as you read the morning newspaper that each article tells a story? Before reading the details about a tornado’s devastation, you will hear about a family and the havoc it caused in their lives as well as their loss of precious family heirlooms. Before being told about an initiative by a local community group to clean up area parks, you will follow one individual and his or her discoveries in the kinds of litter found. No matter what information is shared, news outlets use stories for two reasons: to humanize their reporting and to invoke an emotional response from listeners or viewers.
Although telling stories may be part of human nature, some people are clearly better at it than others. We grow up being read stories by parents or relatives. Then we grow older and buy novels that tell stories, go to movies or watch television where stories lead us from a beginning to an ending, and end up, of course, telling stories to our own children. Compelling stories can engage audiences for long periods of time.
For newspaper writers stories are more than the prose they write; it is a full package of information and images. The better the package, the more likely people will read and remember it. There is more to presenting a full package than merely telling a complete story. Readers of newspapers are often in a hurry and rarely read the full story. A full package, first, gives the hurried reader a variety of alternatives for getting the information. Second, a full package gives multiple chances for catching the scanning reader. If the headline doesn’t draw the scanners in, perhaps a picture or graphic will.
When learning the art of newspaper writing, journalists discover different ways they can present information. There are a tremendous variety of ways including staff photographs, archival photographs, donated photographs, illustrations, artist’s renderings, maps, diagrams, timelines, chronologies, glossaries, use-it boxes, what’s-next boxes, tables, charts, and graphs, statistics, cast of characters, bio boxes, fact boxes, by the numbers, comparisons, lists, pull quotes (does one particular quote sum up the story?), fresh quotes, rails and strips (rails run vertically with the story; strips run horizontally), sidebars, main headlines, deck headlines (additional information presented in full, conversational sentences), captions, cutlines (the words beneath a photo), online layers, logos, and reefers (where readers are directed to stories on related topics).
The reason for the extensiveness of the list above is twofold. First, it offers those who have websites a variety of possibilities for attracting viewers. Often there is little difference between what happens on websites and what happens when newspaper writers want to attract readers. Many of the same resources are available to both. Second, any storyteller can benefit from realizing the value of multiple avenues or multiple channels for winning over listeners. When a storyteller realizes the full potential that newspaper writers have at their disposal, it can only motivate them to improve.
The effectiveness of stories when it comes to holding attention is well-known. From my own personal experience in teaching for more than 30 years, I can attest to their strength over-and-over. There is no single form of evidence, whether it be facts, opinions, statistics, testimony, comparisons or contrasts, analogies, metaphors, or any other, that will consistently outperform stories for holding audience attention. Often in my lectures you could hear a pin drop when I told one.
If for any reason you want to perfect your ability in storytelling, there are some specific suggestions that may help. First, you need to find a story — your story — to tell. It could be inspirational, a lesson learned, observations or opinions, historical records, just plain bragging, a biography, or an autobiography. The second thing is to realize that you don’t need to be perfect the first time you begin telling it. If you have prepared your story reasonably well, it is likely to give your listeners (and yourself) pleasure. Remember, each time you tell your story, you and your story are likely to improve.
In speech-communication classes, we teach students about the three speeches they give for every performance: the speech you want to give, the speech you give, and the speech you wish you had given. Telling stories is no different if your goal is to improve. The story you wish you had told is crucial when it comes to improvement.
Start by telling your story to friends or to a small group of people. As you gain confidence, you can begin telling your story to larger intimate groups. With such practice, you will begin telling your story to large groups of strangers.
The styles of storytellers vary widely. That means that some suggestions work well for some people and may not work well for others. The point is that storytellers need to find a style and approach that is comfortable. Storytelling can be magic, but that, in part, is due to its personal nature. When they bring their listeners their own full force — their voice, their ideas, their words, their emphasis. Avoid vocalizations such as “ahh,” “um,” or “y’know.”
When storytellers face their listeners, they need to face their audience squarely. There should be no fidgeting, hands in pockets, shifting from foot to foot, or any other potential distractions.
To keep storytelling personal, storytellers need to make intimate and direct contact with their listeners. They need to talk with them — not at them — and to do this, they need to look them in the eyes and talk naturally and comfortably and conversationally. Because storytelling is interactive, storytellers must pay attention to listeners and respond appropriately to their responses — changing, adding, and subtracting as necessary.
It is important that listeners can actually digest the story — “see” it — as it unfolds, so storytellers need to relax and take their time. When audience members can laugh, feel, reflect, and even hang on the edge of their seats for what’s to come next, storytellers not only grasp and hold their attention, audience members listen and remember what they hear.
Everyone has a story to tell, and people love to hear a story because it can enrich their lives. People revel in others’ triumphs, grow in their struggles, share in their difficulties, and learn from their problems, thus, it’s important to learn how to tell them well.
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At ProBlogger , there is a very good essay, “Telling your story with words and images,” by Lorelle VanFossen of Lorelle on WordPress. She has great suggestions (specific tips) for those readers who blog on telling their story and using photographs and images to enhance it. This is a great essay.
At Tell Your Story in Layers, there must be at least 30 specific suggestions for material that you can add to a story to enhance its meaning, engage readers, hold attention, or add interest. This is a very good essay full of bullet points.
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Copyright May, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Have you ever noticed as you read the morning newspaper that each article tells a story? Before reading the details about a tornado’s devastation, you will hear about a family and the havoc it caused in their lives as well as their loss of precious family heirlooms. Before being told about an initiative by a local community group to clean up area parks, you will follow one individual and his or her discoveries in the kinds of litter found. No matter what information is shared, news outlets use stories for two reasons: to humanize their reporting and to invoke an emotional response from listeners or viewers.
Although telling stories may be part of human nature, some people are clearly better at it than others. We grow up being read stories by parents or relatives. Then we grow older and buy novels that tell stories, go to movies or watch television where stories lead us from a beginning to an ending, and end up, of course, telling stories to our own children. Compelling stories can engage audiences for long periods of time.
For newspaper writers stories are more than the prose they write; it is a full package of information and images. The better the package, the more likely people will read and remember it. There is more to presenting a full package than merely telling a complete story. Readers of newspapers are often in a hurry and rarely read the full story. A full package, first, gives the hurried reader a variety of alternatives for getting the information. Second, a full package gives multiple chances for catching the scanning reader. If the headline doesn’t draw the scanners in, perhaps a picture or graphic will.
When learning the art of newspaper writing, journalists discover different ways they can present information. There are a tremendous variety of ways including staff photographs, archival photographs, donated photographs, illustrations, artist’s renderings, maps, diagrams, timelines, chronologies, glossaries, use-it boxes, what’s-next boxes, tables, charts, and graphs, statistics, cast of characters, bio boxes, fact boxes, by the numbers, comparisons, lists, pull quotes (does one particular quote sum up the story?), fresh quotes, rails and strips (rails run vertically with the story; strips run horizontally), sidebars, main headlines, deck headlines (additional information presented in full, conversational sentences), captions, cutlines (the words beneath a photo), online layers, logos, and reefers (where readers are directed to stories on related topics).
The reason for the extensiveness of the list above is twofold. First, it offers those who have websites a variety of possibilities for attracting viewers. Often there is little difference between what happens on websites and what happens when newspaper writers want to attract readers. Many of the same resources are available to both. Second, any storyteller can benefit from realizing the value of multiple avenues or multiple channels for winning over listeners. When a storyteller realizes the full potential that newspaper writers have at their disposal, it can only motivate them to improve.
The effectiveness of stories when it comes to holding attention is well-known. From my own personal experience in teaching for more than 30 years, I can attest to their strength over-and-over. There is no single form of evidence, whether it be facts, opinions, statistics, testimony, comparisons or contrasts, analogies, metaphors, or any other, that will consistently outperform stories for holding audience attention. Often in my lectures you could hear a pin drop when I told one.
If for any reason you want to perfect your ability in storytelling, there are some specific suggestions that may help. First, you need to find a story — your story — to tell. It could be inspirational, a lesson learned, observations or opinions, historical records, just plain bragging, a biography, or an autobiography. The second thing is to realize that you don’t need to be perfect the first time you begin telling it. If you have prepared your story reasonably well, it is likely to give your listeners (and yourself) pleasure. Remember, each time you tell your story, you and your story are likely to improve.
In speech-communication classes, we teach students about the three speeches they give for every performance: the speech you want to give, the speech you give, and the speech you wish you had given. Telling stories is no different if your goal is to improve. The story you wish you had told is crucial when it comes to improvement.
Start by telling your story to friends or to a small group of people. As you gain confidence, you can begin telling your story to larger intimate groups. With such practice, you will begin telling your story to large groups of strangers.
The styles of storytellers vary widely. That means that some suggestions work well for some people and may not work well for others. The point is that storytellers need to find a style and approach that is comfortable. Storytelling can be magic, but that, in part, is due to its personal nature. When they bring their listeners their own full force — their voice, their ideas, their words, their emphasis. Avoid vocalizations such as “ahh,” “um,” or “y’know.”
When storytellers face their listeners, they need to face their audience squarely. There should be no fidgeting, hands in pockets, shifting from foot to foot, or any other potential distractions.
To keep storytelling personal, storytellers need to make intimate and direct contact with their listeners. They need to talk with them — not at them — and to do this, they need to look them in the eyes and talk naturally and comfortably and conversationally. Because storytelling is interactive, storytellers must pay attention to listeners and respond appropriately to their responses — changing, adding, and subtracting as necessary.
It is important that listeners can actually digest the story — “see” it — as it unfolds, so storytellers need to relax and take their time. When audience members can laugh, feel, reflect, and even hang on the edge of their seats for what’s to come next, storytellers not only grasp and hold their attention, audience members listen and remember what they hear.
Everyone has a story to tell, and people love to hear a story because it can enrich their lives. People revel in others’ triumphs, grow in their struggles, share in their difficulties, and learn from their problems, thus, it’s important to learn how to tell them well.
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At ProBlogger , there is a very good essay, “Telling your story with words and images,” by Lorelle VanFossen of Lorelle on WordPress. She has great suggestions (specific tips) for those readers who blog on telling their story and using photographs and images to enhance it. This is a great essay.
At Tell Your Story in Layers, there must be at least 30 specific suggestions for material that you can add to a story to enhance its meaning, engage readers, hold attention, or add interest. This is a very good essay full of bullet points.
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Copyright May, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
SMOERs: Words of Wisdom
Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. —Shari R. Barr
Day #55 - Live the width of your life, is the daily reminder in the delightful day-to-day guide, Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! (SMOERs): Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living, compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. The book is now available and can be purchased at Amazon.com at a 10% discount! Once you read just one day, you, too, will want s'more!
Day #55 - Live the width of your life, is the daily reminder in the delightful day-to-day guide, Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! (SMOERs): Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living, compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. The book is now available and can be purchased at Amazon.com at a 10% discount! Once you read just one day, you, too, will want s'more!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
And Then Some News
Thursday’s essay, “Everyone has a story to tell, and everyone loves a story,” is an essay that focuses on the popularity and effect of stories as well as how to construct them. If you are a blogger, a writer, or a speaker you will enjoy the insights and suggestions in this essay.
Share your link. Have you written anything on storytelling? How about material on how you tell stories and the effect they have? Any personal experiences? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
Everyone has a story to tell, and everyone loves a story
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
If for any reason you want to perfect your ability in storytelling, there are some specific suggestions that may help. First, you need to find a story — your story — to tell. It could be inspirational, a lesson learned, observations or opinions, historical records, just plain bragging, a biography, or an autobiography. The second thing is to realize that you don’t need to be perfect the first time you begin telling it. If you have prepared your story reasonably well, it is likely to give your listeners (and yourself) pleasure. Remember, each time you tell your story, you and your story are likely to improve.
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
Share your link. Have you written anything on storytelling? How about material on how you tell stories and the effect they have? Any personal experiences? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
Everyone has a story to tell, and everyone loves a story
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
If for any reason you want to perfect your ability in storytelling, there are some specific suggestions that may help. First, you need to find a story — your story — to tell. It could be inspirational, a lesson learned, observations or opinions, historical records, just plain bragging, a biography, or an autobiography. The second thing is to realize that you don’t need to be perfect the first time you begin telling it. If you have prepared your story reasonably well, it is likely to give your listeners (and yourself) pleasure. Remember, each time you tell your story, you and your story are likely to improve.
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Book Review Mondays
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: |
by Malcolm Gladwell
Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD.
In his 320-page book (only 180 of text according to one reviewer's estimate), Outliers: The Story of Success, Malcolm Gladwell, a professional writer, has woven together an exceedingly interesting story. He is a terrific writer, a fact well illustrated in both Blink and The Tipping Point. His thesis is that to be successful in life, upbringing, culture, luck, and privilege matter. He debunks the myth that high intelligence or where you were educated are of concern. Success has everything to do with "practical intelligence," along with your willingness to put in the 10,000 hours of practice required to reach mastery in your field. The information related to "practical intelligence" can be found in Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence (a book I highly recommend). If you aren't familiar with some of Gladwell's ideas or topics, you will find this book a good introduction or starting point. If you're looking for a book that includes original research, deep analysis, or the support of other writers and thinkers on the topic (e.g., opinions, quotations, testimony, or references), this is not the book for you because Gladwell is not a social scientist, nor is he a journalist or deep thinker. However, if its a light, fluffy read to which you are attracted, this might be a good choice.
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Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorks website.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Weekend Words
"It is interesting that the words which are least used, least written and the least spoken are the very ones which are best known and most widely recognized." ---Michel de Montaigne
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