Self-examination and then some

by Richard L. Weaver II

“I’m a profundity wrapped in a conundrum,” I always loved to say. Profundity means “deep intellect” and “conundrum” means “an intricate and difficult problem,” thus, “I’m a profundity wrapped in a conundrum” means “I’m a deep intellect wrapped in an intricate and difficult problem.” It was a saying a number of us developed while in college to answer the question, “Who do you think you are?” It was devised as a joke, however, it signaled a situation much deeper and more important than a simple, “humorous,” label. It signaled a desire of a number of us to try to find labels to fit our personalities.

The labels, it is true, were a bit of a lark, but the self-examination it required to come up with appropriate labels was not. All of us were part of the “self-discovery” generation — those encouraged by their teachers to discover who we really were. Why? Because, we were told, our success and happiness heavily depended on answers to that question: who are you?

To begin serious self-assessment we must begin by asking what we think of ourselves? What are our positive and negative traits? This is an important question at various times during our lives. For example, when looking for a job, it is a common question that employers ask. When we are dating, it is a question we are often asked by a potential relationship partner. It is helpful to have a solid grasp of the characteristics — both positive and negative — before deciding to enter a relationship, a new job, or any unfamiliar life adventure.

Because we discover who we are through the eyes of others, it is important to discover how others see us. We need to obtain feedback. For example, do others see us as an introvert or an extrovert? Do others see us as helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, and cheerful? Would others choose us as an office mate? A colleague? A team member?

It is easy, especially when receiving feedback from others, to reject it when it is negative. “Oh, they don’t know what they’re talking about,” or “That isn’t the way I really am,” or “And I don’t think much about you either.” To engage in any kind of self-assessment that is to have meaning and impact on our lives, we must be honest and sincere with ourselves and open about the truth. If we accept the comments made from others as a result of soliciting feedback, it will likely give us a fairly accurate picture of our current status and, thus, a place to begin work.

Just as difficult as it is to accept any negative comments about ourselves (remember, we’re all perfect until we’re not perfect!) is accepting change. It is easier to say, “I like me just the way I am,” than it is to see change as good, positive, and beneficial. Change is always risky, and it is difficult to accurately predict what’s on the other side of change. “What happens if I change, and things get worse?” The bottom line of any self-assessment is growth, otherwise it is merely a vacant and useless exercise, and the only way to grow is to be accessible to change.

To change, demands that we develop a clear picture of how we want to change, or, better yet, a visualization of ourselves after the changes we desire have taken place. Patience is key since change — especially changes such as these — do not take place overnight. The bigger the transformation desired, the more patience required, and the more effort it will take to make it happen. Nobody can expect immediate results no matter how immediately he or she develops their picture.

Be specific about the steps we want to take to obtain the changes. Change is unlikely to occur without a clear plan with clear steps, a clear goal, and a clear end point. For example, if we wanted to overcome a fear of public speaking, we would begin small by giving brief, informal “speeches” to friends and family members, we would volunteer to give short speeches or reports in our clubs, church groups, and businesses. Only then would we begin to attack our fear on a larger level. Do we want to lose weight, become more outgoing, clearly support our ideas and opinions, reveal a sense of humor, become a leader, or just become more respected? All change requires careful planning, and the better the plan, the more likely the change.

Change, too, requires continual evaluation of ourselves and our progress. Even though we have a plan, and even though we are committed to our plan and it seems to be working, every day brings about new things — obstacles as well as opportunities — and everyday our lives change in new and, perhaps, unexpected ways. Continual evaluation allows us to assess how new experiences impinge upon our lives and how we respond to those new experiences. To stop evaluating is to stop measuring our growth, development, and change.

We need to allow ourselves room to grow. Life isn’t perfect, and as hard and long as we work at making personal changes, our results won’t be perfect. Holding up perfection as our goal will always result in disappointment. We need to strive to be better, to improve, and to make progress. Along the way, we will make mistakes, but the most important lesson we can take from implementing our plan is: learn from our mistakes.

Earlier in this essay I made the comment, “Because we discover who we are through the eyes of others....” This comment holds even greater relevance now that change has begun. Growth of this nature requires interaction with others. Friends and family members are likely to be impediments to our growth, development, and change because they expect the “old us,” they want the “old us,” they understand the “old us,” and they know how to react to the “old us.” We need interaction, but our best interaction will be with those unfamiliar with the “old us” and those willing to accept, support, and love the “new us.” Dealings with others contributes to change.

Embrace who we are becoming. We are totally unique from anyone else in the world, and by striving to be a better person, we are letting go of traits we don’t like, and incorporating those we see as positive, productive, encouraging, and confident. We are building the personality and character that will effectively deal with disappointment and failure, flourish in this vibrant and unpredictable world, and, ultimately, achieve greater success than can be imagined.

Just knowing about ourselves will help us plan our lives better and make important life decisions based on what will work best for us. Although, I admit, it’s fun being a profundity wrapped in a conundrum, but there is so much more to self-assessment — so much more that can have serious, meaningful, consequential, and worthwhile benefits to our lives. It’s self-examination And Then Some.

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I love this essay by David H Lyman entitled, “Who Am I? Thoughts on the Self-
Discovery Process,” at the website TheDigitalJournalist . Lyman is president of Rockport College on the Maine coast, and he has played many, many roles in his life. Although he directs this essay to students coming to Rockport, it can be read by everyone, and it is a worthwhile experience.

Wow! Check out this website at aish.com . The essay by Rabbi Noah Weinberg is called, “48 Ways to Wisdom,” and talk about a complete inventory for truly delving deeply into who you are, this is a great place to start. This is an informative, thought-provoking essay, and Weinberg ends it by saying: “You can't afford to wait too long to get to know yourself. Because you are the most fascinating person you'll ever meet.”

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Copyright September, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.