Book Review Mondays

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Home Schooling: A Family’s Journey
by Gregory and Martine Millman

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

If you have been home schooled, know someone who was home schooled, or you plan to home school your children, read this book. With extensive writing experience before the publication of this book, the Millman’s have written a very readable, detailed, and encouraging book about how they home schooled their six children. (There are 8 ½ pages of notes.) I found the Millman’s insights about how to encourage freedom, innovation, autonomy, self-organization, and creative collaboration (hallmarks of the home schooling tradition) in their own teaching to be fascinating. This is a practical, informed, caring, no-nonsense approach in which you not only learn about the economics of home schooling, but, too, how parents can handle their children’s full education. Knowing nothing about home schooling previously (They include a seven-page bibliography.) and having read no books on the subject, the Millmans offer a great introduction, an informative examination, and an entertaining read.

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Married to Africa: A Love Story
by G. Pascal Zachary

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

In a warm, personal, self-disclosing, and endearing writing style, Zachary’s story is endearing. Here is how he describes Chizo the first time he sees her not wearing her zoo uniform: “I’m sipping a large Star beer when I see her come down the steps from my room inside the hotel. She wears a backless skintight top, cut low on her chest, and a short black skirt, revealing her thighs, which now seem sexy rather than simply powerful. She wears black vinyl boots with spiky heels, making her seem much taller. I put the beer down and stare at her as she comes toward me. I’ve never seen her before in anything but her zoo clothes. Now I see what’s hidden underneath those clothes....I like what I see” (p. 69). This is a true love story, but it is far more than that. I thought M. Allison’s description, in her review of his book at Amazon.com, explains well and accurately, exactly what you will get in Zachary’s book: “there's rich context about Africa and Chizo's African-ness, which give the book more color and substance than a "mere" love story. It's a vicarious journey into a terrifying, beautiful, compelling place, a place in space and time and a place in the heart, told with intensity, honesty and a sense of wonder.” I found the story compelling, the cultural insights and differences he describes intriguing, and the way he approaches Africa incredibly endearing. If you like love stories, you will love this book.

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Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorksRules.com website.

Weekend Words

"Words may be false and full of art; / Sighs are the natural language of the heart." ---Thomas Shadwell

The five people who most influenced my writing

by Richard L. Weaver II

What most “wanna-be” writers do not realize is the amount of “alone time” necessary to do the required chore. I know, for example, my father-in-law retires to a bedroom on the lower floor of his house. He prefers no background sounds of any kind — total quiet — and, when she was alive, he had a wife who catered to his every need. She cooked all his meals, cleaned the house (he never lifted a finger), laundered his clothes, and was his friend and companion. (We didn’t realize how totally ignorant he was of al that she did until she died and left him bereft of any of these daily skills.) In this way, however, he could focus all his attention and concentration on the task of writing, and that is precisely what he did.

My father was a writer, and I have done a great deal of writing all my life. But I have never been like my father-in-law. I think I’ve been luckier in that I have a study where all family members are free to come and go as they please. They can break my concentration at will, and I have speakers that pipe in music from the living-room console, and I enjoy “easy listening” music on in the background when I write. (I don’t need total silence.) The importance of this will become known in a few moments.

You may think, because my father was a writer, that he was the first, major influence in my life with respect to my writing, but that is not true at any point. It was my mother who would read my papers, correct my grammar and spelling, and encourage me. She would often say to me, “This is very good writing. I hope you continue to have an interest in writing.” But she never thought I would be “a writer,” nor did she ever push me in this direction. She simply did not want me to be discouraged when I would make mistakes.

The second person who most influenced my writing was Mr. Granville, my advanced English teacher in high school. I don’t remember how I became a member of the “advanced English course,” but I have a suspicion that it was upon the recommendation of my regular English teacher whose name I do not remember. It was the assignments, the critiques, and the loving attention that Mr. Granville paid to me (and to my papers) that gave me the idea that I was not necessarily a “good” writer, but a competent one. He gave me the three Cs of confidence, courage, and conviction.

When I began college I was a pre-med major, but when I graduated from college as a speech major, I really didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. Thinking that I might teach speech at the high-school level (because I had a secondary teaching degree), I decided to make English my minor in case I would be teaching English courses along with speech. But, none of those English teachers stood out — most were graduate teaching assistants — and none offered additional inspiration or motivation.

It was after asking around (and with a topic on which to write a dissertation already in hand) that I selected Indiana University for my Ph.D. And, it was only because of one man, Dr. Robert Gunderson, the third person who most influenced my writing. Thinking that I could already write, Dr. Gunderson performed major re-constructive surgery on my thinking as well as on my approach to writing. Using Strunk and White’s Elements of Style, as my bible, I really learned how to write under Gunderson’s tutelage. He was a tough mentor, but I was a willing student, and the process took hold, and I have benefitted ever since.

The fourth person who most influenced my writing career was Mr. Howard Cotrell. As a member of the Instructional Media staff at Bowling Green State University, Cotrell sought and gained access to my basic speech-communication course lectures soon after I began teaching at BGSU. Then we began meeting one-a-week to discuss his observations, make changes in my approach, and solve the problems of the world! Now, it must be clear that his suggestions, during our early meetings, had more to do with my lecturing style and approach, and he can be credited with vast improvements that not only benefited me but, most importantly, benefited the thousands of students required to take my courses. He would sit in my lectures once every week and take thorough notes that he would later share with me.

How did this influence my writing? Weekly meetings with Cotrell continued for over 20 years, and we were soon discussing possibilities for publication. He would come to the meetings full of ideas, and we would work together developing outlines, approaches, and solutions that I would put together then submit to him for comment and further suggestions. We co-authored close to thirty academic articles, and there is no doubt about how fortunate I was to have Cotrell ask me to visit my classes, pursue weekly meetings with me, and allow me access to his active and vibrant brain.

Andrea, my wife, is the fifth person who has most influenced my writing. Now, she may not admit her influence, nor has it been the same as those previously mentioned in this essay. Her influence — along with all four of my children, I might add — has been in providing a supportive and protected environment for writing.

As I said in the opening to this essay, most “wanna-be” writers are unaware of the amount of “alone time” necessary for writing. And considering the fact that I have been actively involved in writing during the entire time my four (now adult) children were at home, they learned what a writer’s life was like, and they respected what I did and the time I needed to do it; however, they always knew they could interrupt, sit on my knee, share their thoughts, and take any time they needed from my writing obligations.

I think I was fortunate (once again) that my wife came from a family with a father who was a writer. She knew from the outset what was required. The circumstances varied (from those set by her own father) in very minor ways. Alone time is necessary for concentration, it is true. But, alone time is required, too, for the completion of a great number of ancillary (but required) tasks that go along with writing. As a textbook author, there are so many mundane, routine, boring chores that accompany it such as compiling indexes, bibliographies, student and teacher manuals, vocabulary lists, and chapter objectives and questions — the list can go on and on — that most people seldom think about. Even re-reading, honing, and polishing already written material can become tedious. For a writer, there is so much that is not writing, that one must brace himself or herself from tiresome, repetitious, tedious, and monotonous chores from which any distraction can provide a joyful lure.

I have chosen this Thanksgiving essay to give thanks to the five people who have most influenced my writing. If it wasn’t for my mother, Mr. Granville, Dr. Gunderson, Mr. Cotrell, and my wife, I probably wouldn’t be sitting here at this computer doing what I am so enjoying doing right at this moment! Thanks folks! You cannot begin to know the gratitude I have.
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Carol Stanley has a delightful, short, yet pithy essay at ArticlesBase called “Gratitude and how it affects our lives,” that might appear as the stimulus for my essay, but it wasn’t. I found it after the essay was complete, but the need for giving thanks is well supported, and Stanley’s essay is worth a read. She finishes her essay with this thought: “Give thanks often, and this will allow your mind to be free for wonderful things to happen.”

At gems4friends.com, the author of the essay, “10 Steps to Getting What YOU Want: Creating YOUR Reality — Step 9: Gratitude, Acceptance and Moving On,” offers readers four suggestions, 1) open your heart, 2) thank those who have helped you, 3) exercise to feel gratitude, and 4) Speak Positively With The Gratitude Attitude. The author says, “Praising and being thankful opens the door to even more. Complaining closes that same door. Hence, speak positively and lovingly.”
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Copyright November, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"The best and fastest way to learn a sport is to watch and imitate a champion." ---Jean Claude Killy

Day #107 - Look to others for what they can offer you.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday’s essay is called, “‘The five people who most influenced my writing.” This is my Thanksgiving essay for 2009. I have previously given thanks to all those in our society who work behind the scenes and are seldom acknowledged. That essay was called, “Giving abundant thanks for our abundant harvest,” and it was published in The (Toledo) Blade, November 26, 2005. Also, I have given thanks to my mother and father in an essay entitled, “Dear Mom and Dad: Lives And Then Some." Thus, this essay could be labeled, Thanksgiving Essay III.

Share your link. Have you written anything about giving thanks? Or, have you stopped to give thanks to those in your life who have helped you the most? Are you a person who gives thanks on a regular basis? How has it (or does it) help you? Can you share some insights about the most important times you have given thanks and those people to whom you gave it? What would you like to tell people about giving thanks? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.

Click here to LINK your And Then Some story

Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
The five people who most influenced my writing
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:

How did this influence my writing? Weekly meetings with Cotrell continued for over 20 years, and we were soon discussing possibilities for publication. He would come to the meetings full of ideas, and we would work together developing outlines, approaches, and solutions that I would put together then submit to him for comment and further suggestions. We co-authored close to thirty academic articles, and there is no doubt about how fortunate I was to have Cotrell ask me to visit my classes, pursue weekly meetings with me, and allow me access to his active and vibrant brain.

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And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!

Book Review Mondays

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The pixar touch: The making of a company
by David A. Price

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

I do not like animated films, and I don’t go to see them (with the exception of taking my grandkids when those situations dictate my presence). The only reason this opening comment is relevant is because Price’s book “is a story of technical innovation that revolutionized animation.” This is truly a Cinderella story, a rags-to-riches phenomena, and a triumphant business experience that began with a dream (It is the dream of Pixar’s technical genius and founding CEO, Ed Catmull), remained true to the ideals of its founders (antibureaucratic and artist driven), and ends up a multibillion-dollar success (adapted from the front jacket). Not knowing anything about animation (and having no interest in it at all), I found Price’s book fascinating. I love the stories he tells and how he incorporates biographies of people like Catmull, who turned down Disney when it approached him to help design the Walt Disney World attraction Space Mountain. He talks of Steve Jobs who was thrown out of Apple Computer and bought Pixar Studio for just $5 million, then immediately discovered he had to spend twice that to keep it afloat. Price also mentions John Lasseter who advances from a skipper on Disneyland's Jungle Cruise to the principal creative advisor of Disney and Pixar animation. I loved his discussion, as well, of how computer animation developed. This is a superb book full of well-supported facts (there are 16 pages of notes), that is both engaging and entertaining.

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Smart Cookies: Guide to Making More Dough
by Jennifer Barrett

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

In this 211-page book, five women first tell the Smart Cookies’ story — the story of how they formed their money group. This is a book specifically designed for “successful women struggling to get control of [their] finances” (p. xvii). They admit, “within a year of starting the Smart Cookies Money Group, we’d already made substantial progress — and without sacrificing our social lives, our sanity, or even our Starbucks lattes! Even we were surprised at how much we’d learned, how much we’d accomplished, and how much fun we had doing it” (p. xix). This book is about how they did it: “the strategies [they] used, the lessons [they] learned through [their] own experiences, and the expertise [they] gained through research and interviews with successful, self-made women [they] sought out along the way.” The book is full of advice and support, specific exercises to keep readers on track and accountable, and a great deal of inspiration — the inspiration necessary for you to turn your financial situation around and, at the same time, improve every aspect of your life. It is a frank, readable, entertaining book in which each of the five young ladies takes part in sharing her insights and observations. This is an enjoyable and worthwhile read.

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Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorksRules.com website.

Weekend Words

"In the faculty of speech man excels the brute; but if thou utterest what is improper, the brute is thy superior." ---Sadi

“I am completely satisfied.”

by Richard L. Weaver II

There are numerous reasons for attaining or maintaining a plateau in life from which one never chooses to leave and makes a commitment to maintain forever. A plateau is that stage where no further growth — but no loss — occurs. It’s a stage, too, where one can say with conviction, “I am completely satisfied,” and mean it. Because such a stage has never been part of my frame of thinking, I have never thought much about its prevalence nor its results — until now.

Perhaps the most important reason for wanting to maintain a plateau is laziness. Movement in any direction from where I am right now takes effort. Why put forth any effort if I’m completely satisfied? You might say, “I work hard enough as it is. Life has provided me an easy, comfortable, comfort zone. Why not make this, right where I am right now, my preferred lifestyle?

Although laziness may be the most important reason for maintaining a plateau, another closely related reason is that life has passed you by. With a society that places an emphasis on youth, it is not surprising that when youth passes — at whatever age one chooses to have that happen — you tend to rest on your laurels, whether those laurels are significant or diminutive. Youth is gone and, with it, any interest in growth, development, or change.

There is a third reason that has little to do with laziness or with the fact that life/youth has passed you by, and it has to do with the title of this essay: “I am completely satisfied.” It makes no difference whether one has made a contribution nor wants to make a contribution. It makes no difference whether one has sampled what life has to offer nor experienced all that one wants to enjoy. When one looks at how easy society has made enjoyment — hedonism (the philosophy that pleasure is of ultimate importance, the most important pursuit) — why not just immerse yourself totally in the sugary milieu, wallow in its sweetness, and delight in the savory saccharine — forever.

How can one argue against this logic? How can one suggest that there should be something more, a continuing quest, a prolonged search, a movement toward something greater, newer, or different? Even if an argument could be made, you and I both know it would fall on deaf ears. I’m afraid there is no argument that can be made to affect those suckling at the sugar-coated spigot of syrupy succulence.

So, the question is, how can anyone have an effect or make a difference in lives that have plateaued? An even bigger question is, “Why should anyone care?” The easy answer to the first question is, “No!” And, the answer to the second one is, “Nobody should.”

As a former teacher, textbook writer, essay writer, and speaker (as well as concerned citizen), I would like to believe that everyone can be touched and reached in some way. That despite laziness, youth passing us by, or complete satisfaction, people can be motivated to move from one plateau to another somewhat higher.

We need to look at plateaus as steps on a ladder not as lifetime resting stops.

In the end, what we need to do is not worry about those unwilling to read, listen, think, or move and focus, instead, on those who have plateaued but have not given up all their courage to move beyond where they are.

If you — as the reader of this essay — are interested in moving beyond where you are, there are some specific suggestions that will help you begin your mission of change. First, establish clearly the benefits of change. At the website of the Australian Institute of Professional Counselors, there is an essay entitled, “Coping with change,” where a number of benefits are listed. On a macro level, without change survival would be impossible. Culture, agriculture, education, and business would all fail. But, there are benefits that will affect you more directly. Change helps you maintain flexibility. It helps you avoid getting set in your ways and trying to be open to new ideas and ways of working and living. One reason some people enjoy their plateau is their lack of self-confidence to move out on their own. Change builds self-confidence. “Personal growth and development have been well established in research findings. Being in one’s own comfort zone can lead to some contentment for a while, but as time goes on you lose confidence and don’t acquire new abilities or skills. You become out of touch. This can lead to social isolation and feelings of marginalization or alienation.”

So what can you do to bring change into your life? First, take some time off to consider your situation. Go for leisurely walks, play ball with the kids, take a yoga or pilates class. Just bring it down a notch to give your body a chance to rejuvenate and get back on track.

Second, begin mixing it up. Changing your routine will surprise the body and allow it to start reacting again. If you follow the same routines your body is a computer with "memory" and it just coasts along for the ride. If you are physically able, get outside and do some fast walking, jogging, or running. Often, activities such as these can produce solid, fresh, thinking..

Third, make certain you’re getting enough sleep. Getting the right amount of sleep for your body will allow time for you to think properly. This will ensure that you can come at each day with enough energy and at full strength to take on new challenges.

Fourth, you need to eat properly. Junk food is non-nutritional, and if your goal is to bring change into your life, exercise, enough sleep, and solid nutrition will help you stay healthy, make good decisions, and find your way up from your plateau.

If you still are not seeing modifications, alterations, or adjustments, the best thing to do is to ride the plateau out, and keep up with your routine along with all the suggestions above. You may not see huge transformations all at once; however, try not to stress or worry about it. Both your mind and body will break through the plateau when they are ready. With your change in attitude (“I want to do this!”), and your positive outlook (“I can go this!”), you will accomplish your new goal — positive change. What you are likely to find is that your comment, “I am completely satisfied,” will still be appropriate, but it will refer to the “new you” that is growing, developing, and changing.
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On Anthony Fernando’s website, “Dare to Dream,” he talks about plateaus, how they occur and what they look like, and he gives a specific method for moving to the next higher plateau: “Successful people,” writes Fernando, “expect to encounter plateaus on the way to achieving their goal and they know that the secret to pushing through a plateau is to: focus on the process rather than your progress.” He follows this statement with a specific example that illustrates what he means.

At the “NotAlone” website, there is an excellent essay entitled, “How to live a happy and satisfied Life ,” the author discusses a number of things important to living a happy and satisfied life and then ends the essay saying, “You will not only realize these things, but also begin loving who are more and more, which will not only lead you to achieving the things that make you most happy, but will guide you into a world of many new dreams come true.”
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Copyright November, 2009 by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"Conditions are never just right. People who delay action until all factors are favorable do nothing." ---William Feather

Day #106 - Decide what kind of a person you want to be.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday’s essay is called, “‘I am completely satisfied’.” There are three clear reasons why (or how) this can happen in one’s life. Then, the essay discusses four ways to break out of this “satisfaction saturation” to grow, develop, and change in new and interesting ways.

Share your link. Have you written anything about being completely satisfied? Of reaching a plateau in your life and not wanting to move from it? Are you a person who has reached a plateau and continued to grow? How has it helped (or hindered) you? How many times have you reached plateaus where you are completely satisfied and yet moved on? Can you share some insights about the most important times you have accomplished this? What would you like to tell people about going beyond the plateaus? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.

Click here to LINK your And Then Some story

Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
"I'm completely satisfied"
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:

How can one argue against this logic? How can one suggest that there should be something more, a continuing quest, a prolonged search, a movement toward something greater, newer, or different? Even if an argument could be made, you and I both know it would fall on deaf ears. I’m afraid there is no argument that can be made to affect those suckling at the sugar-coated spigot of syrupy succulence.

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And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!

Book Review Mondays

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The trouble with boys: A surprising report card on our sons, their problems at school, and what parents and educators must do
by Peg Tyre

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

This 311-page book expands the cover story Tyre, a senior writer for Newsweek, wrote in 2006 entitled, “The Boy Crisis.” The awards she has received, a Pulitzer Prize, a Clarion Award, and a National Education Writers Association Award, almost guarantee a well-written book, and her book does not disappoint. About the book, Michael Thompson, author of the NY Times bestselling book, Raising Cain, wrote, “passionate, powerful and persuasive.” This is truly an outstanding book. With ten pages of notes at the back of the book, Tyre offers a well-researched argument. She spends a great deal of time chronicling the different ways that the problem (underachieving boys) develops, her language is engaging and accessible, the ideas, stories, facts, figures, and anecdotes (she has two boys of her own) are fascinating and involving, and the conclusions she reaches are startling. One of Tyre’s conclusions is that just as we rallied in the 90s to help girls catch up to boys in math and science, we need to do the same for boys in reading and writing. Although there may be only a few new insights teachers may be able to use, the information here for parents is valuable and worthwhile. This is a very good book.

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The White House Boys: An American Tragedy
by Roger Dean Kiser

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

Kiser’s 171-page book (with 7 additional appendices) of 31 chapters divided into two parts is a quick read, to be sure. The first part, “Haunting Recollections,” (23 chapters), and the second part, “The Child Now Speaks as a Man,” (8 chapters) — along with close to 20 black-and-white pictures) make up this compact, readable, true story. It is not (with an emphasis on NOT) a pleasant read. For example, Kiser writes, “From birth to age sixteen, I had been abandoned, sexually molested, beaten, cursed, and discarded as an unnecessary item. I had been taught and made to feel that I was nothing more than a worthless piece of shit. For the next fifty years, it was very difficult for me to find anything decent to think, or say, about humankind. . . . It was only through my grandchildren that I cam to realize what the term ‘love’ meant and what a wonderful feeling it was to share such a marvelous thing with my fellowman. Even to this day, I am amazed that it took nothing more than several small, innocent children to save me.” This is truly an incredible story and, too, an excruciating indictment of those in charge and those who administered the abuses and the atrocities young boys received at the Florida Industrial School for Boys at Marianna during the 1950s and 1960s. Many of the young boys who did not survive the torture are buried in the fields and swamplands surrounding the School. In this shocking recollection, Kiser recalls his verbal, sexual, and physical abuse, and his descriptions will leave an indelible impression. It is difficult reading (because of the vivid images he creates), but it is truly a must read.

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Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorksRules.com website.

Weekend Words

"One of our defects as a nation is a tendency to use what have been called 'weasel words.' When a weasel sucks eggs the meat is sucked out of the egg. If you use a 'weasel word' after another there is nothing left of the other." ---Theodore Roosevelt

Be Careful How Much You Depend on Self-Help Information

by Richard L. Weaver II

I am an optimistic person, in general, however, what appears to be a pessimistic point of view often appears when I attempt to see negative possibilities. It isn’t that I am not hopeful that good will come out of whatever circumstances I face, but I have discovered that pessimism, fear, anger, and panic can be as legitimate feelings as constant hope. A study at the Harvard and UCLA Medical Schools reveals that hope does not promote healing. Pessimism, fear, anger, and panic are essential emotions — as long as we don’t totally immerse ourselves in a “pity-party pool.” Sometimes it is these precise emotions that help us protect ourselves or deal with adversity. Self-help literature promotes a hopeful approach to life.

Always thinking positively is stressful, exhausting, and limiting. Thinking negatively is actually easier, and it comes naturally. According to Paul Pearsall, “Research indicates that the longest-living people in the world were distinguishable by their pessimistic outlooks.”

Throughout this essay, I am gratefully indebted to Paul Pearsall’s book, The Last Self-Help Book You’ll Ever Need (Basic Books, 2005), for his wisdom and insights. His book is based on scientific psychological research, and it opens the gates of consciousness.

I am a hard worker having at some point in my life adopted the Puritan work ethic. Nobody would claim that I am either lazy or that I give up easily. But an essential aspect of being a hard worker is knowing, too, when to give up. Sometimes I just willingly give in and move on even though I realize that giving up has a bad reputation. In college, for example, I gave up a six- year commitment to become a doctor to pursue a major in speech communication. As the song by Kenny Rogers said, “know when to hold them and know when to fold them.” Sometimes when we give up both the striving and the goal, it frees us to think creatively. Self-help literature promotes never giving up and achieving anything you set your mind to.

A valuable thought is that people are what they are, and no amount of positive affirmation will change that. There are unhappy, depressed, and melancholy people in this world, and just as night follows day, we need sad thinkers as much as we need the cheerfully upbeat. Everyone has a happiness set point, and this set point will not be changed by thinking happier thoughts, being number one, getting the top prize, or winning the lottery. Once this is discovered, it frees us to think both creatively and critically and to capitalize on the talents and aptitudes we possess. Self-help literature encourages positive affirmations to achieve happiness.

Speaking of being number one; there can be only one. Rather than always striving to be that person and experiencing the suffering and torment of not measuring up, relax and enjoy being one of the multitudes of people who fall short. One of the best sermons I ever heard was called “Life’s Second Choices,” and it carefully explained how difficult life can be when happiness is linked only to getting our first choices. Self-help literature promotes striving to be number one.

Life is full of unhappiness. Sometimes things just don’t balance out or even work out for the best. Perhaps the worst of life’s unhappinesses is death. Because we live, we die, and because we die, there is a natural, necessary grieving process that human beings experience. Different people proceed through the experience differently. There is no need for grief counseling. Most people grieve well, and they do it relatively quickly. One of Pearsall’s thoughts on death is to “Enjoy the fact that being old means you don’t have to worry about dying young.” Self-help literature aids in developing a “be happy” attitude.

Over 25 years ago I wrote a textbook on interpersonal communication in which I encouraged readers to focus on their interpersonal weaknesses, be realistic about how much personal power they had to change others, and just shut up and listen. Relationships usually fail because of too much communication, not too little. Pearsall says, “Couples who spend a lot of time being quiet together stay together.” Self-help literature suggests more communication; however, more may complicate problems and underscore differences.

Another point I make in my interpersonal textbook is to encourage readers not to look for Mr. or Ms. Right. Having a good life is not a matter of finding the right person; it is a matter of being the right person. Once again, Pearsall makes this point clear: “No one is ever loved the way he or she wants to be loved. Stop looking for love and start showing it. Be more concerned with being love-worthy than being loved. Realize that it is at least as important to be in love with marriage as it is to try to find someone you would love to marry.” Self-help literature encourages finding the right relationship partner.

Regarding the demonstration of anger in interpersonal relationships, there is research by the physician Redford Williams and others that shows that venting — letting it all out — is actually bad for you and those around you. Understanding your anger is helpful, but the hostile expression of it, according to Pearsall “weakens your immune system and literally hardens your heart and the hearts of those around you.” Self-help books suggest that venting is both healthy and cathartic.

Real love is not a feeling but a decision. Romantic love, according to psychologist Robert Sternberg, “is a temporary mental ‘illness’” which “is evolution’s way of seeing that we propagate.” When we calm down and become patient, romantic love always passes, and true love then can grow. Lasting love involves learning to look outward at the world together. It is something you earn, not something you deserve. According to Pearsall, “Worry more about being love-worthy than about your own self-worth.” Self-help literature promotes loving yourself before loving others.

Interpersonal relationships within families prove, according to Pearsall, one essential factor: “The only cure for dysfunctional families is to do away with all families.” Families are simply groups of people irrationally committed to one another’s welfare, and Pearsall’s insight is wonderful: “Being a good family member means being able to enjoy living every day with a group of flakes and failures.” Self-help literature encourages the development of fully functional families.

Some of the advice in self-help books is clearly wrong. There are some comforting and fun ideas, but the best approach to living a good life comes from getting a wide variety of ideas from both the popular and the scientific arenas.
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At the Personal Development website, the author of the essay, “Exactly What Value Are Self Help Books,” puts it all into perspective. The general perspective on this website is positive — that self-help books (as opposed to professional advice — can help.

At the Pathway to Happiness website, Gary has an essay entitled, “Self Help Advice - Warning!,” in which he suggests there are far more important ways to change than using self-help books: “To make real changes in your mind and how you feel emotionally begin by not following bad self help advice. In the matters of changing your mind and emotions learning what paths to avoid is as important as learning what will help.”
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Copyright November, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

"What is defeat? Nothing but education; nothing but the first step to something better." ---Wendell Phillips

Day #105 - Get over your failure quickly.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
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I haven't mentioned it in awhile , but my new book RELATIONSHIP RULES: FOR LONG-TERM HAPPINESS, SECURITY, AND COMMITMENT has just been published. This is a book for those who are just starting a relationship or just starting over. In the introduction, personal strength and self-confidence---and how to develop them---are discussed as prerequisites for forming, maintaining, and nurturing relationships. This book is a no-holds barred, get-to-the-point, put the pedal to the metal, nuts and bolts primer on relationships. It is available from Amazon.com (click the book) where you can "Look inside." Buy the book, and post a review or response. And Then Some Publishing L.L.C. thinks you're going to love this book.

Get more information, book excerpts, essays supporting the book, and how the book cover was painted at RelationshipRulesWorks.com.

Thursday’s essay is called, “Be careful how much you depend on self-help information.” There are strengths and weaknesses regarding our dependence on self-help information, and this essay helps sort things out — at least a little bit. If nothing else, this essay should challenge you to think about the self-help information that is out there.

Share your link. Have you written anything about self-help literature? Are you a person who has utilized self-help information? How has it helped (or hindered) you? How many times have you depended on it? Can you share some insights about the most important times you have used self-help information and how it has helped you? What would you like to tell people about self-help information or the self-help literature? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.

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Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
Be careful how much you depend on self-help information
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:

A valuable thought is that people are what they are, and no amount of positive affirmation will change that. There are unhappy, depressed, and melancholy people in this world, and just as night follows day, we need sad thinkers as much as we need the cheerfully upbeat. Everyone has a happiness set point, and this set point will not be changed by thinking happier thoughts, being number one, getting the top prize, or winning the lottery. Once this is discovered, it frees us to think both creatively and critically and to capitalize on the talents and aptitudes we possess. Self-help literature encourages positive affirmations to achieve happiness.

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And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!

Book Review Mondays

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The decline of men: How the American male is tuning out, giving up, and flipping off his future
by Guy Garcia

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

In 300 pages, using statistics, examples, and his own experience, Guy Garcia, a staff writer at TIME Magazine for 13 years, where he covered business, international and arts, and entertainment, supports the thesis that “too many guys are slacking off and opting out of their manly obligations, producing an entire generation of men who are ditching their own potential and failing the moms, wives, and girlfriends who love them” (from the front jacket). There is no question that Garcia knows how to write because this is a well-written, informative, and entertaining book. Whether or not he makes his case successfully is up to the reader, however, if you want an enjoyable book that supports a point that I completely agree with (and have written essays about as well), this is a book you will find interesting.

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Why We Hate Us: American Discontent in the New Millennium
by Dick Meyer

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

Meyer, according to the back, inside section of the book’s cover, “was a reporter, producer, online editor, and columnist at CBS News in Washington for more than twenty-three years. He is now the editorial director of digital media at National Public Radio”; thus, he has a perspective most people do not. His 252-page book is divided into nine chapters: 1) Land of the fake, 2) Early twenty-first century irritants, 3) America untied, 4) OmniMedia, 5) Phone people, phone places, 6) A civic war, 7) OmniMarketing, 8) The character gap, and 9) Authenticity, thoughtfulness, and many things. Upfront, I want you to know that I truly enjoyed this book, and I think Meyer has put his finger squarely upon a number of important concerns that support his contention: “There’s something rotten in the state of America. It is something phony, belligerent, and toxic in the culture” (p. ix). I realize that, for the most part, this is not an uplifting book, however, his statistics, personal examples, opinions, citations from others (as well as respectable newspapers, books, and magazines), make this book an entertaining, captivating, and thoroughly informative read. Meyer’s handle on popular culture, current “news” shows, various media, the Internet, and public opinion, and the way he synthesizes all that he knows is simply fascinating to experience. Here is a great mind a work. A good example of Meyer’s frank, open, readable, and ingratiating style is revealed in this paragraph about his mother:

“My mother wasn’t a shining star or moral rebel in that conformist world. She wasn’t a joiner or energetic do-gooder. Mom was shy and didn’t like parties and big groups very much. She wasn’t on the school board; she didn’t organize amazing volunteer projects, entertain passing political candidates, or have a passionate avocation. She wasn’t beloved by local orphans or widows. She truly and honestly didn’t try to keep up with the Joneses, and that was a deliberate choice. Her head wasn’t turned by what other people had or did. She didn’t strive for her children to achieve and lead trophy lives. She never found occasion to reinvent herself” (p. 63).

Because he is a good writer, draws from experiences, instances, and examples with which we can all identify, and delights in telling good stories, I highly recommend this book. You don’t have to be a Republican or Democrat, and you don’t even have to agree with his thesis (that we hate us), Meyer has simply put together a delightful book that all those interested in perspectives on our contemporary society will enjoy reading. He ends the book on a hopeful note, saying, “I believe and hope that there is a unity about why we hate us and that it might someday be channeled to shift the tone and direction of American public culture. Americans who seem at odds in so many ways share basic worries and hopes. This is obscured in the noise of politics, the flood of media, and the pace of everyday life. It has been further obscured by the relentless social change and stress of the past decades. Lacking deep community that can make change more tolerable, we find it difficult to walk in another’s skin. Americans feel attacked and have hunkered down. We emphasize differences and diversity, not a deeper unity. That is a paradox of pluralism. That’s the way it is. It is not the way it must be” (p. 252).

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Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorksRules.com website.

Weekend Words

"An ox is bound with ropes and a man with words." ---Proverbial

What is the most important question that can be asked?

by Richard L. Weaver II

It just never crossed my mind. Had I considered it, I would never have thought there was only one question. I would have thought there were a large number of important questions, and often the questions would have to be tied to specific subject-matter areas. For example, if you were meeting a person for the first time, you might want to ask, “What is your name?,” “Where are you from?” What are your interests?,” and questions like that. If it was on a universal scale, it might be, “What is the meaning of life?,” “Is there life beyond that on earth?,” or, “How vast is space?”

The only reason the subject crossed my mind is that a pastor used, “The Most Important Question,” as the basis for his sermon. Even though his question, “Are you ready to drink from the cup that Jesus drank?” seems to be an obvious one (or something similar) given the situation and his position, I think there is a more important one that precedes his.

Because the sermon raised the question in my mind, I decided to Google it to see what others think is the most important question, and before I offer some of the responses I received — and before I give you my choice — spend a moment right here, right now, and if there was just one question (the most important one!) what would your choice be?

At WikiAnswers.com, it appears that one response to the question, “What are the most important questions about life and the universe and everything?,” seemingly came from a single male [or female] whose choices raise a chuckle: 1) How much is it? 2) Are you married? 3) Will there be an open bar?

At the website, Fine Art Views, Clint Watson raises the most important question in marketing: “What’s in it for me?,” or, as he refers to it throughout his essay, WIIFM. It may be a selfish question, but it is likely to be a practical one with substantial rewards. I suggest this question to those who find listening difficult: become a selfish listener.

At the Balanced Life Center website, Nneka, in an essay, “The Most Important Question,” identifies it as, “What do I really want?” To support the point in this brief essay, Nineka writes, “Rather than pick your life apart trying to find out what’s wrong, try a new approach. When are you happiest? What were you doing at that time? Is there a way to create a little bit of that in your life today?”

At the Helium website, the question, “What is the most important question?” appears at the top of the page, and from just a brief survey of the 99 reader responses, it appears that the question, “Why?” is the most frequent response and, usually, it’s in the form, “Why am I here?” Ian Buchanan writes, “there is no more important question than that. We all know that we are here, but how many of us have seriously asked ourselves this question, and how has asking it influenced how we view and live our lives?” Stephen Morris and others agree that the most important question “has to be 'Why are we here?’ Alberta Birkoff says the answer is “Why?, “ ”because the question demands an answer. Not just any answer! It demands an answer that is well thought out...” Without the answer to that question, some said, you live a life with no purpose.

Defenses for the choice of “Why?” continue. Bernica Tacket chooses “Why?,” and says, “To truly understand, we must know the why of any situation, event, action, or outcome. To understand the underlying motivations is to understand surface.” A.M. wrote, “[Why?] is the most important question that can ever be asked. The who, what, when, and where are all hard facts. The Why is something to be interpreted and discovered. Why does the earth spin? Why was that man killed?”

At the SAMOVAR website, “The Most Important Question in Your Life,” is the title of the essay, and the answer Jesse Jacobs suggests is, “Did I make a difference?” To defend his/her choice, Jacobs writes, “When it’s all said and done, will you consider whether your presence on this planet made one iota of difference? We believe everyone wants to know their lives made a difference.”

At Marty Park’s Squeezing the Orange website (, Park’s choice for the most important question is “How?” Park writes in defense of his choice, “How can we? How did they? How would that work? How does that help? It is a question that involves finding possibilities and also critical assessment. It creates opportunity and possibility but also questions the status quo.”

Marlyse Carroll, in her essay “The Most Important Question,” at the website Inner Peace, begins with a terrific quotation from Albert Einstein, “Einstein was once asked,” Carroll writes, “what was the most important question to ask ourselves. The story goes that he thought for a while before answering that ‘the most important question is to ask if the Universe is friendly.’” And, Carroll suggests that, “Your spontaneous answer will tell you whether you focus on pain or pleasure, and whether you trust yourself and others. In a nutshell, it will tell you how happy you are. I’ll put it to you,” Carroll continues, “that your current level of inner contentment is entirely related to the way you just answered Einstein’s question.”

I have another view, and it’s a perspective that undergirds all the choices above. My selection for the most important question is, “How much do you care?” or “How much do I care?” (to put it in the first person). The reason for this choice is that it is fundamental. It is the prime mover. None of the questions above matter when the subject (you!) don’t care. One of the reasons for obesity, lack of exercise, poor health, ignorance, mediocre (or negative) effort, and almost every personal problem people face is that people just don’t care! Even the answer to the question, “What do you really want?,” doesn’t matter if you don’t care! Of course there are exceptions. But, the question, “Why?,” isn’t even considered by many because they don’t care. “How” becomes meaningless just as Einstein’s concern, “Is the Universe friendly?” becomes a pointless question as well. I have often wondered how you touch, motivate, engage, or otherwise connect with those who truly do not care?

To care about life and living, to care about others and giving, to care about what is essential and, thus, is intrinsic to all we have been, are, or want to be must be the pivotal issue because it is indispensable to everything else. Caring is the answer to inactivity, boredom, laziness, and apathy. So, when you selected your question as “the most important one,” remember that the question that precedes yours is very likely to be, “How much do you care?”
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Jennifer Jones, in an essay, “The Most Important Ten Questions to Ask Yourself,” at her website, Goodness Graciousness, suggests the following questions, “1. What am I grateful for? 2. What gifts and talents do I have to share? 3. How did I get to be so fabulous and amazing? 4. What is right with me? 5. How did I get to be so lucky/blessed? 6. What do I need to embrace or change to live as my best self? 7. How can I make a positive difference in the world? 8. Who influenced my life for good? 9. How do I envision my ultimate future? 10. Who needs my love and care?” Check out her “favorite posts” as well. She’s a terrific writer.

Karly Randolph Pittman, at her website, First Ourselves (Caring for yourself is the first step), in a brief essay entitled, “The Single Most Important Question to Ask Yourself, Every Day,” suggests that the question is, “What do I need right now?,” and she goes on to discuss our most important needs and the empowerment that comes from seeking their fulfillment. She ends by saying, “[This quest is] what makes life worth living, and what makes us all willing to get up each morning and start anew.”
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Copyright November, 2009 by And Then Some Works L.L.C.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom

Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots." ---Frank A. Clark

Day #104 - Speak gently.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
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And Then Some News

Thursday’s essay is called, “What is the most important question that can be asked.” This might be a good time to consider your choice for the most important question that can be asked? Think about it right now before you read what's below or Thursday's essay. Thursday's essay offers a wide variety of possibilities, and it makes you think, if there was a single question, what would it be?

Share your link. Have you written anything about the most important question that can be asked? Are you a person who has faced this question previously and answered it? How many different answers have you come up with? Can you share some insights about the most important questions? What would you like to tell people about the process you go through in discovering the most important questions to ask? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.

Click here to LINK your And Then Some story

Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
What is the most important question that can be asked?
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:

I have another view, and it’s a perspective that undergirds all the choices above. My selection for the most important question is, “How much do you care?” or “How much do I care?” (to put it in the first person). The reason for this choice is that it is fundamental. It is the prime mover. None of the questions above matter when the subject (you!) don’t care. One of the reasons for obesity, lack of exercise, poor health, ignorance, mediocre (or negative) effort, and almost every personal problem people face is that people just don’t care! Even the answer to the question, “What do you really want?,” doesn’t matter if you don’t care! Of course there are exceptions. But, the question, “Why?,” isn’t even considered by many because they don’t care. “How” becomes meaningless just as Einstein’s concern, “Is the Universe friendly?” becomes a pointless question as well. I have often wondered how you touch, motivate, engage, or otherwise connect with those who truly do not care?

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And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!

Book Review Mondays

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The new blue media: How Michael Moore, MoveOn.org, Jon Stewart and Company are transforming progressive politics
by Theodore Hamm

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

In 200 pages of text (the book is 240 pages long) and with 22 pages of notes, Hamm, editor of the Brooklyn Rail (an arts and political monthly) and associate professor of urban studies at Metropolitan College of New York, brings readers an incredibly interesting account (series of stories) about “a handful of media personalities, blogs, outlets, and politically based organizations—from The Onion to Jon Stewart to the Daily Kos.” (From the front jacket) What he does is show where these “blue media” (Michael Moore, Bill Maher, Markos Moulitsas, Air America, MoveOn The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, as well as liberal blogs) came from and how they got so powerful. Hamm’s writing is sharp (the front jacket describes it as acerbic), engaging, and irreverent. His command of facts as astounding, and his sense of humor is obvious and often demonstrated. As one reviewer noted, “fans of Bush and the Clintons won't like the book. Those coming of age in the era of Obama and Stephen Colbert will.” Whether you are a professional, an academic, or a connoisseur of contemporary media, you will absolutely love this book for its sharp analysis, wit, and entertainment.

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Making Your Case: The Art of Persuading Judges
by Antonin Scalia & Bryan A. Garner

Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

As a former professor and writer of popular college textbooks on the subject of speech communication, I often wished that more of my students would take the subject seriously, absorb the rules, and apply them in their own speeches and conversations. I have even written a book — Public Speaking Rules! All You Need for a Great Speech — that contains many of the same ideas as those in Scalia’s and Garner’s book, and yet, many people (including many lawyers if you listen to Scalia and Garner) just don’t seem to get it. Just as I think my book is straight-forward, easy-to-read, logically presented, and insightful, theirs is, too. Just as I think my book should be required reading for any first year law student, or anyone who has already completed his or her first year of law school but has not yet read it, I think theirs is also. It’s not that we have written similar books as much as the fact that so many people — lawyers, ministers, teachers, politicians, public servants, and others — just aren’t reading, absorbing, and applying information that is readily available, easily accessible, and simple to apply. Scalia and Garner’s book is definitely a speech book. Their 245-pager is divided into three large parts: 1) General Principles of Argumentation, 2) Legal Reasoning, and 3) Briefing (the crafting of the oral argument itself). Within these parts are 115 brief sections, some as short as one or two sentences, others as long as 25 paragraphs — two of these more lengthy sections appear in the part on “Briefing,” and within the sub-section, “Architecture and Strategy.” One of these lengthier sections covers outlining the brief and the other deals with arranging the parts of the brief — both essential skills. Now, you have to understand that this book is intended for lawyers, and some of the terminology is profession-specific. Although I liked the 35-page discussion of principles of argumentation — how to tailor your arguments for a judge, different from arguing before a jury — and tactics to use with difficult judges, lazy judges, and their law clerks, I liked the section on writing style (discussed in a moment here) better. They give the view from the bench when lawyers react to bad questions from the judge and describe the likely outcomes. They also offer ways to avoid confrontations while still making your argument. As I said, while I like the information on argumentation, I found their 29-page discussion of “Writing Style” especially strong and valuable. This excellent reference book is concise and entertaining. There is nothing stuffy or boring in their approach or presentation.. There are "a-ha" moments on every page, and, overall, this is a very informative and certainly useful book for every new attorney. It goes without saying, after reading this review, that I found this book authoritative, fascinating, and insightful.

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Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorksRules.com website.