Excuses

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

Having been a college teacher for thirty years, I heard all kinds of excuses. That doesn’t mean that some weren’t actually legitimate. After all, I was a college student myself. But I thought that, in many cases, students were the product of, or in the process of establishing, a weak/poor precedent. A history of using excuses as a foundation for poor performance is like putting insulation into an attic where there is already a roof leak, moisture is present, and there is poor venting and weak ventilation. Using excuses—and not taking personal responsibility for one’s performance—is attracting failure like a magnet, just as putting insulation in an attic with the features just described will just as certainly attract mold.

Perhaps, the most overused excuse I heard as a college teacher was to blame others for everything. As long as it is external events that cause us problems, then our self-esteem and control can be protected. Teachers were a common culprit, but roommates who liked to party or were unfriendly and uncooperative received a great deal of attention. The pressure that family or friends put on students can be a contaminating element as well.

The best evidence of blaming others occurs when you hear people speak critically of friends or family members, bosses, team members, or customers. Inevitably, if you were able to examine closely and analyze the problem, you would likely find there was some aspect of self that these people find unacceptable. Real leaders—or responsible individuals—are recognized as willing to look in the mirror, and learn from what they see

I used one lecture in my basic, required, speech-communication course to explain the difference between internal and external locus of control—whether we accept responsibility for our behavior, whether good or bad, or whether we feel our behavior is controlled essentially by outside forces. This lecture always preceded my unit on public speaking, because that was the unit that seemed to spark the largest number of excuses. I even gave students a short, sample test that they could use to evaluate themselves on this internal-external continuum. I can’t report specific results since the information was personal, but with a report of scores (before students knew what the scores represented), the largest number of hands revealed a primarily external locus of control.

More than anything, I think, the reports of a predominantly external locus-of-control represented the still early in their lives impressions of freshmen and sophomores who believed their lives had been controlled by others (e.g., parents, teachers, family, friends, and, perhaps, religious personnel).

One thing I tried to emphasize in my lecture on locus-of-control, was the fact that this "attributional bias" is understandable, however, others interpret it as poor leadership (and, perhaps, immaturity). I don’t know when it happens (if it does), or what stimuli create it, but at some point students discover—maybe for themselves—that they are the ones in charge of their lives. It is an important discovery no matter when it occurs.

Another area where excuses predominate is worry about the future. People protect themselves with phrases such as, "I may be harmed," "That may not work out well," "I may not win," or "That looks too difficult." The number of times people avoid taking risks because they worry and fret about everything cannot be calculated, of course. But, what it comes down to is a lack of confidence—protection of themselves from possible future failures. I like the simple aphorism, "No risk, no gain." And if people want to be leaders, they must be willing to take risks.

G. M. Trevelyan said, "The best job goes to the person who can get it done without passing the buck or coming back with excuses." "Too much is being asked of me," "I can’t do everything," or "Who do you think I am?" are excuses you hear from those who think they are being overwhelmed. They reflect self-doubt and insecurity, of course, but often these excuses precede important growth stages. Surprisingly, brains develop new pathways and connections, and people who are able to rise above, take responsibility and control, are able to embrace and manage those feelings. Rather than complain and make excuses, they simply dig in, work harder, and strive to achieve.

"I am so disorganized," "Life is one chaotic episode after another," or "I cannot makes heads or tails out of it," are excuses used when people appear disorganized or unable to manage things in an orderly fashion. Stop; get organized. Mistakes, cost time and money. In business, they cost productivity and morale. If you want to be perceived as a leader, get your life in order.

You may be able to thrive on disorder, but it is best to keep it a secret. What many people don’t realize is that when you are disorganized, those around you (e.g., family, friends, or associates) will follow your example. If you want to promote organization, reveal organization.

There is another set of excuses that revolve around one central element: failure to look on the bright side of things. No, you don’t need to appear buoyant, Pollyannaish, and cheerful all the time. There is no reason to take this to extremes. But there are those who use pessimistic excuses such as, "I’m such a clutz," "I’m hopeless," or "I’m never going to amount to anything," as a way to escape responsibility.

I’ve always believed that if you have a choice, why not be hopeful rather than hopeless? Why not be encouraging rather than discouraging? Why not be cheerful rather than sad? Why not appear confident and positive rather than unassured and negative?

Not surprisingly, a positive attitude draws other positive people to you; it boosts your attitude and promotes self-growth; it stimulates strength of character; it permits you to move forward and face new challenges; and it enables you to take control of your life.

To accentuate the positives, rather than amplify the negatives—in every aspect of your life—will help embed a positive mindset that alters everything you do, everything you say, and everything you experience. It is a necessary and important tool in self-development. Also, it helps to eliminate many of the other excuses, because it will help you see positives in others.

I love what George Washington Carver said about making excuses. He said, "Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses." The day you stop making excuses, is the day you take complete responsibility for your life, and that is the day, too, you begin your journey of growing, developing, and changing in positive directions.

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At SuccessConsciousness.com, the short essay there, The Power of Positive Attitude, by Remez Sasson is terrific for its practicality, large number of specific suggestions, and even ideas for developing a positive attitude.. Sasson begins his essay saying: "Positive attitude helps to cope more easily with the daily affairs of life. It brings optimism into your life, and makes it easier to avoid worry and negative thinking. If you adopt it as a way of life, it will bring constructive changes into your life, and makes them happier, brighter and more successful. With a positive attitude you see the bright side of life, become optimistic and expect the best to happen. It is certainly a state of mind that is well worth developing and strengthening."

At the guardian website , the essay Always look on the bright side of life, by Sam Wong provides some of the scientific evidence on how effective having a positive attitude can be. Wong ends his essay saying: "As things stand, it's still unclear whether adopting a more positive outlook on life can reduce your likelihood of falling ill or dying. But it certainly won't hurt – and it might put a smile on your face. Who could argue with that?"

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Copyright February, 2013, by And Then Some Publishing LLC

Take healthy risks for positive rewards

My motto was “Vote for Weaver, he’ll work like a beaver.”  It was a lousy slogan, true, and may have been one of the reasons I failed in my run for student-council president.  Another possible reason for not winning could easily have been that students didn’t want me to be their president!  At the time, I didn’t care the reason.  Of course, I ran against one of the most popular guys in the school and losing was a foregone conclusion (had I really considered it), but I had one heck of a good time making posters and banners, giving speeches, and shaking hands.  I gave it a lot of time and effort. 

At the time I didn’t think of it as a risk, although I stepped far beyond my comfort zone to do it.  Now that I look back, I found the experience to be valuable in both learning and personal growth.  I had never done anything like it before.  From my previous leadership experiences — head of the hall monitors, captain of the junior deputies, leader of my scout troop and my cub scouts as well, president of junior achievement — I realized this experience was just one more on my growth chart.  I really believed I had the interest of students at heart, and there were some changes I wanted to work on during my term — giving students more freedom and responsibility.  Also, I never thought about failure.  Even when I failed, I didn’t look back.  It had no immediate effect on me.  (Long term, it gave me an essay topic some 50 years hence!) 

Until now I haven’t reflected on the whole experience.  By challenging what was, looking to what could be, and having a healthy disregard for the impossible, I truly thought I could make a difference in the students’ world and in that of those people around me.  I thought big.  A risk taker — and I certainly didn’t think of myself as one at the time — challenges his or her comfort zone and becomes comfortable being uncomfortable.  

One of the things about running for student-council president that stands out in my mind is all the preparation that went into it.  I remember, for example, that all my friends who supported me had examined the situation and thought I could win.  We began early, even before my chief competitor (and winner) entered the race.  We knew the risk of losing, however, all of us thought the challenge and the run would be fun — there was really nothing to lose except, perhaps, our pride, but a loss of pride never entered our mind.  We were young; who cared? 

It was the group as a whole that clarified the objectives of the campaign, agreed on the slogan I came up with, evaluated basic approaches we needed to take, and decided on me to spearhead the movement — as the one most willing (or stupid enough!) to take the risk.   We planned the posters, designed banners, prepared small business cards with the slogan to hand out, even decided where we would stand around the school (covering all the exits) to hand out the cards and shake hands.  The strategy was a saturation campaign so everyone would at least know who I was.  Not a great deal of thought was given to campaign promises, the need for change, or any kind of campaign platform, and that, indeed, may have been one of our weaknesses.  These latter three items were to be handled solely in the campaign speech. 

Implementation was simple.  The group (there were about 5-10 of us) worked together on the strategy, and each member of the group was given a job to do with respect to advertising — seeking permission to hang the banner, obtaining janitorial help (a ladder) to hang it, getting the posters and business cards finished and then putting them up and handing them out.  Other members of the group worked on the campaign speech.  All of us looked at the entire experience as an adventure, not as a set of risks.  “Risks” were never a consideration.  To complete the adventure, we all looked forward to the action forthcoming. 

Part of any true risk-taking experience, too, is evaluation.  If you are to learn anything from what has taken place, some assessment must occur.  What did you do that was right or that worked?  Where did the campaign go wrong or what didn’t work?  Where could the entire experience have been improved?  That is, what could you have done better?  What could you have done that you didn’t do?  Overall assessment may be helpful as well.  Given what you know now, how might you approach such a situation differently?  Did you achieve the goals you set for yourself?  What were the obstacles, and how could you overcome them in the future? 

There were several important learnings that emerged from my run for student-council president.  First, and this is supported by research, I never regretted the effort.  A report in the journal Psychological Science reveals that whether you miss achieving a goal by a little or a lot, you won’t lament going after it nearly as much as you think you will.  The failures from risk-taking behavior, for the most part, don’t last long with respect to regret, sorrow, sadness, disappointment, or residual unhappiness. 

The second set of learnings from my run for president is that I still got a great learning experience, I still got the peace of mind that comes from knowing that I tried doing something,
and I still got the knowledge of how to do something.  My mind was now freed up to start working on other things.  As a kid, I was never a slacker; I always had things to do; and I always worked hard at whatever I tried. 

From this experience — and other similar risk-taking adventures — I have some advice for those who want to increase their ability at taking risks.  First, approach any risk with a positive mental attitude and strong positive expectations.  You must slay the dragons of negativity as soon as you notice them creeping in. Take any risk with an intensely strong belief that you will succeed. 

Second, if you approach any risk with a success mindset and the right mental attitude, more often than not you are going to succeed.  You will be amazed at the resources you are able to assemble — your own and those of others — to make success possible. 

Third, if the risk you are planning to take (or are currently engaged in) is not right for you, you will start noticing your intuition giving you certain messages (e.g., warnings, more information, barriers, etc.) about it that will help you make the right decision. 

The important thing to remember when it comes to taking risks is that you live life only once.  Life is too short to be wasted on things you don't want to do or on things that you have done over and over.  That’s how comfort zones develop.  You don't need to live on the sidelines. Trying to achieve new goals, cross fresh barriers, or develop new skills, will broaden your horizons, generate new knowledge, and expand your repertoire of options and alternatives.  With such results there will be no regrets, and you will die knowing that you did the best you could. Start now taking healthy risks.  If you believe you can, you can. 

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Frances Lefkowitz, at wholeliving.com, has an excellent essay entitled, “The importance of taking risks.” At the end of her essay, Lefkowitz discusses “The Rewards of Risk,” and ends her essay saying, “Perhaps the most immediate benefit of risk is that it's simply plain fun. Neuroscientists explain this bliss with biochemistry: New, challenging, and risky activities trigger the release of dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter that's part of the brain's reward system. Call it the ultimate antidote to boredom -- it's the best way I know of to wake up and feel fully and ecstatically alive.”  Lefkowitz also has an essay on “Risk-Taking Tips."


At Accessmy library.com, Mary R. Rolison and Abraham Scherman, have a sophisticated essay entitled, “College student risk-taking from three perspectives.,” that I found both fascinating and enlightening.  Rolison and Scherman stated at the outset, “With so many college students taking risks involving so many negative consequences, it would be beneficial to have one general model or framework from which to understand college student risk-taking behavior,” but three were discussed, and no single unifying theory was proposed in the portion available online.  First, “one theory indicates that individual traits, such as self-esteem, social skills, impulse control, sensation-seeking, and locus of control, may explain risk-taking.”  Second, “problem-behavior theory has been offered as a way to explain risk-taking in adolescents and young adults.  Problem behavior theory looks at risk-taking from a developmental and personal environment interaction perspective.”  Third, “college student risk-taking could also be explained from the decision-making perspective. Furby and Beyth-Marom have proposed that adolescents may not be capable of competent decision-making.” 

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Copyright November, 2010, by And Then Some Publishing, LLC.

And Then Some Book 1 and Taking Healthy Risks Preview

And Then Some Publishing News

Anthony Weaver and Richard L. Weaver II will be shooting new videos this week. Dr. Weaver has authored many books about relationships, motivation, and optimism. Relationship Rules, SMOERs, You Rules, and And Then Some Publishing's first book And Then Some Book 1 all have have something in common. They all need videos to help explain more about each book.

Specifically, And Then Some Book 1 is hard to explain. To start it was their first book. Anthony and Richard L. Weaver II (Dick) didn't know if they were going to be able to produce another one. There were many complications from technology, building the first website, beginning blogs, and then some! From the book conception to the finished product the book took two years to complete. 

When you take the complications into consideration and the wonderment if another book would be produced, everything and the kitchen sink was put into And Then Some Book 1. Containing 50 essays with subjects that include family, humor, education, travel, and more, this book reads sometimes as advice, a little bit of education and learning from personal life experiences, or as a short story about Dick's travels... and then some! 

And Then Some Book 1 covers a wide gambit of essays and is a fun read... and now Anthony and Dick will be shooting a video to better explain this book.


We hope to start releasing the first videos from this shoot by next weeks news, however we're not sure which videos will be released first.


Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
Thursday’s essay is called, "Take healthy risks for positive rewards."  You have to learn how to take healthy risks. The important thing to remember when it comes to taking risks is that you live life only once.  Life is too short to be wasted on things you don't want to do or on things that you have done over and over.  That’s how comfort zones develop.   

Take healthy risks for positive rewards
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:

There were several important learnings that emerged from my run for student-council president.  First, and this is supported by research, I never regretted the effort.  A report in the journal Psychological Science reveals that whether you miss achieving a goal by a little or a lot, you won’t lament going after it nearly as much as you think you will.  The failures from risk-taking behavior, for the most part, don’t last long with respect to regret, sorrow, sadness, disappointment, or residual unhappiness.

And Then Some Works