by Richard L. Weaver IIBased on the teaching I have done, advice I have given, essays and books I have written, and thinking I have engaged in, I want to answer the question: what are the areas most essential for improving your life? Let’s say that I’m in charge, and like a personal trainer, I have been given the full responsibility for improving your life right now — what would I do?
Two caveats are in order. First, remember that I don’t know you. I was recently talking to a friend of mine, and I leveled an attack against organized religion. He took it personally, and I had to explain that it wasn’t an attack against him or his religion in particular. (I have a strong aversion to authoritarian religions designed, through their authority, to restrict individual freedom, subordinate those rights to the interests of the church, and punish infractions.) Second, accept these suggestions as generic. That is, they are designed to have general application and, thus, are abstract not concrete.
First, manage your stress. Stress often is revealed through exhaustion, loss of/increased appetite, headaches, crying, sleeplessness, and oversleeping. People escape it through alcohol, drugs, or other compulsive behavior. Feelings of alarm, frustration, or apathy may accompany stress. Start with the realization that you are the one upsetting yourself. Because stress has a direct effect on your decision making, however, strive to get it under control at once by getting enough sleep, exercise, and nutritional food. Remove yourself from the stressful situation if possible, stop sweating the small stuff, change the way you react, avoid extreme reactions, avoid self-medication, stop overwhelming yourself, learn how to relax, change the way you see things, and do something for others.
Second, take better care of yourself. You and you alone are responsible for managing your health. How do you do it? You need to do four things: become as knowledgeable as possible about your health conditions; take good care of yourself; make the most of your encounters with your doctor; and keep careful records.
Third, take care of your relationships. Whether your relationships are with your supervisor, manager, customer or coworker, spouse, partner, friend, or family member, you want to make them positive, supportive, clear, and empowering. The best method is to be honest and committed. If you communicate and reflect maturity and wisdom about yourself, you are more likely to be accepted and respected. The degree that you love, accept, and respect yourself is exactly the degree you can feel these qualities for anyone else. Efforts toward establishing healthy relationships require consistency, and you must make them a priority in your life. It is through self-effort that you will achieve your goals of acceptance, respect, and love.
Fourth, improve your communication skills. Your key to good communication is listening well. Listen without judgment. Listen with the willingness to be swayed to the other person's opinion. At least stay open to the option. Listen without thinking about what you will say next. Take time before you respond. Stop being invested in being right. Being right is not the point. If you must be right, you are not able to listen nor communicate because you have set up a barrier already. If you are always right that means the other person is always wrong. That cannot be true.
Other suggestions for improving your communication skills include: If your mind wanders, ask for repetition. Stay focused. In all cases repeat back what you heard and ask if it is correct. Listen to yourself. Find quiet moments and pay attention to what you are hearing from yourself. Does your body tighten up about certain issues. Body language is not something to read only in other people. Say it honestly, but with consideration for the listener's feelings. Be polite, respectful, and sincere. Understand and acknowledge that most things are not black or white but somewhere in a gray area. Get comfortable with gray. Finally, have integrity and build trust. Don't say what you don't mean, and don't promise what you won't or can't fulfill. Follow through with any commitments you make.
Fifth, do not dwell on negativity in your life. You need to be careful with whom you spend time and whom you allow to give you advice. Are they people who are moving onward and upward, or are they wallowing in negativity, self-pity, and mediocrity — going nowhere fast? Are their words inspiring you to become the person you were intended to be, or are they deflating and distracting you? Whatever direction your friends are heading, they will have a major influence on your future ... if you allow it. If you are determined to overcome your negativity and fulfil your destiny you cannot afford to be held back by such relationships.
Negativity and anxiety work closely together. Anxious or depressed people cannot see straight. Their perspective on life is blown out of proportion. Small things seem huge, and molehills turn into insurmountable mountains. If you are looking at the world with cynicism and bitterness, your perspective of your life will become magnified and distorted in a destructive way.
There are four things you can do to deal with negativity. First, practice catching yourself each time you become aware of being negative. Second, learn to recognize negativity, then stop it. This gives you control over your thought patterns and ultimately your life. Third, remind yourself how your negativity damages important relationships. Nobody wants to be around someone who is guaranteed to bring them down. Don't let yourself be that person. Fourth, Look for the good in everything. There are few incidences in life that do not have a positive flip-side, no matter how dire the circumstances. Make it a habit to look for that silver lining.
By becoming aware of your everyday behavior — whether its in the areas of stress, health, relationships, communication skills, or negativity --- and slowly changing yourself to become more positive and optimistic, you will feel happier within yourself, Also, you will experience less stress, better health, successful and satisfying relationships, better connections with others through improved communication skills, and, with less negativity, attract new friends who actually enjoy your company.
These are simple suggestions for improving your life And Then Some; there are many others, of course. My feeling has always been that there is no end to the things that can be done to improve lives if people are aware, sensitive, alert, and open. Taking responsibility for making the changes needed is the tough part.
______________________________________________________________________________
Want a series of quick suggestions for improving your life? Check out the U.S. News & World Report website (http://www.usnews.com/features/news/50-ways-to-improve-your-life/50-ways
At “lifehack.org” there are “10 Virtually Instant Ways to Improve Your Life,” by Adrien Savage. Savage discusses: 1) Stop jumping to conclusions, 2) Don’t dramatize, 3) Don’t invent rules, 4) Avoid stereotyping or labeling people or situations, 5) Quit being a perfectionist, 6) Don’t overgeneralize, 7) Don’t take things so personally, 8) Don’t assume your emotions are trustworthy, 9) Don’t let life get you down. Keep practicing being optimistic. 10) Don’t hang on to the past. This is my most important suggestion: let go and move on.
______________________________________________________________________________
Two caveats are in order. First, remember that I don’t know you. I was recently talking to a friend of mine, and I leveled an attack against organized religion. He took it personally, and I had to explain that it wasn’t an attack against him or his religion in particular. (I have a strong aversion to authoritarian religions designed, through their authority, to restrict individual freedom, subordinate those rights to the interests of the church, and punish infractions.) Second, accept these suggestions as generic. That is, they are designed to have general application and, thus, are abstract not concrete.
First, manage your stress. Stress often is revealed through exhaustion, loss of/increased appetite, headaches, crying, sleeplessness, and oversleeping. People escape it through alcohol, drugs, or other compulsive behavior. Feelings of alarm, frustration, or apathy may accompany stress. Start with the realization that you are the one upsetting yourself. Because stress has a direct effect on your decision making, however, strive to get it under control at once by getting enough sleep, exercise, and nutritional food. Remove yourself from the stressful situation if possible, stop sweating the small stuff, change the way you react, avoid extreme reactions, avoid self-medication, stop overwhelming yourself, learn how to relax, change the way you see things, and do something for others.
Second, take better care of yourself. You and you alone are responsible for managing your health. How do you do it? You need to do four things: become as knowledgeable as possible about your health conditions; take good care of yourself; make the most of your encounters with your doctor; and keep careful records.
Third, take care of your relationships. Whether your relationships are with your supervisor, manager, customer or coworker, spouse, partner, friend, or family member, you want to make them positive, supportive, clear, and empowering. The best method is to be honest and committed. If you communicate and reflect maturity and wisdom about yourself, you are more likely to be accepted and respected. The degree that you love, accept, and respect yourself is exactly the degree you can feel these qualities for anyone else. Efforts toward establishing healthy relationships require consistency, and you must make them a priority in your life. It is through self-effort that you will achieve your goals of acceptance, respect, and love.
Fourth, improve your communication skills. Your key to good communication is listening well. Listen without judgment. Listen with the willingness to be swayed to the other person's opinion. At least stay open to the option. Listen without thinking about what you will say next. Take time before you respond. Stop being invested in being right. Being right is not the point. If you must be right, you are not able to listen nor communicate because you have set up a barrier already. If you are always right that means the other person is always wrong. That cannot be true.
Other suggestions for improving your communication skills include: If your mind wanders, ask for repetition. Stay focused. In all cases repeat back what you heard and ask if it is correct. Listen to yourself. Find quiet moments and pay attention to what you are hearing from yourself. Does your body tighten up about certain issues. Body language is not something to read only in other people. Say it honestly, but with consideration for the listener's feelings. Be polite, respectful, and sincere. Understand and acknowledge that most things are not black or white but somewhere in a gray area. Get comfortable with gray. Finally, have integrity and build trust. Don't say what you don't mean, and don't promise what you won't or can't fulfill. Follow through with any commitments you make.
Fifth, do not dwell on negativity in your life. You need to be careful with whom you spend time and whom you allow to give you advice. Are they people who are moving onward and upward, or are they wallowing in negativity, self-pity, and mediocrity — going nowhere fast? Are their words inspiring you to become the person you were intended to be, or are they deflating and distracting you? Whatever direction your friends are heading, they will have a major influence on your future ... if you allow it. If you are determined to overcome your negativity and fulfil your destiny you cannot afford to be held back by such relationships.
Negativity and anxiety work closely together. Anxious or depressed people cannot see straight. Their perspective on life is blown out of proportion. Small things seem huge, and molehills turn into insurmountable mountains. If you are looking at the world with cynicism and bitterness, your perspective of your life will become magnified and distorted in a destructive way.
There are four things you can do to deal with negativity. First, practice catching yourself each time you become aware of being negative. Second, learn to recognize negativity, then stop it. This gives you control over your thought patterns and ultimately your life. Third, remind yourself how your negativity damages important relationships. Nobody wants to be around someone who is guaranteed to bring them down. Don't let yourself be that person. Fourth, Look for the good in everything. There are few incidences in life that do not have a positive flip-side, no matter how dire the circumstances. Make it a habit to look for that silver lining.
By becoming aware of your everyday behavior — whether its in the areas of stress, health, relationships, communication skills, or negativity --- and slowly changing yourself to become more positive and optimistic, you will feel happier within yourself, Also, you will experience less stress, better health, successful and satisfying relationships, better connections with others through improved communication skills, and, with less negativity, attract new friends who actually enjoy your company.
These are simple suggestions for improving your life And Then Some; there are many others, of course. My feeling has always been that there is no end to the things that can be done to improve lives if people are aware, sensitive, alert, and open. Taking responsibility for making the changes needed is the tough part.
______________________________________________________________________________
Want a series of quick suggestions for improving your life? Check out the U.S. News & World Report website (http://www.usnews.com/features/news/50-ways-to-improve-your-life/50-ways
At “lifehack.org” there are “10 Virtually Instant Ways to Improve Your Life,” by Adrien Savage. Savage discusses: 1) Stop jumping to conclusions, 2) Don’t dramatize, 3) Don’t invent rules, 4) Avoid stereotyping or labeling people or situations, 5) Quit being a perfectionist, 6) Don’t overgeneralize, 7) Don’t take things so personally, 8) Don’t assume your emotions are trustworthy, 9) Don’t let life get you down. Keep practicing being optimistic. 10) Don’t hang on to the past. This is my most important suggestion: let go and move on.
______________________________________________________________________________
Contact Richard L. Weaver II
Science is showing that living with negativity in your life will only shorten your life. Forgive, forget and move on - and eliminate the bitterness and anger in your life.
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