And Then Some News

This Thursday’s And Then Some essay, “Gender differences need to be acknowledged, accepted, and exploited,” stems from my longstanding interest in the topic. The explanation of gender differences has been part of all my teaching and writing ever since the research has been made public. This essay draws from the excellent book, Why Gender Matters: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know About the Emerging Science of Sex Differences (Broadway Books, 2005) by Leonard Sax, M.D., PhD. Sax challenges many of the basic assumptions regarding gender differences by interspersing hard data and numerous case studies.

Share your And Then Some Story about gender differences. Do you think gender matters? How and why? Are there times or places in your life when you have encountered gender differences that have made a significant difference in how a situation, conflict, or story evolved (or was resolved)? Tell us about how gender has had a specific and direct influence on your life.

And Then Some Essay - May 01, 2008
Gender Differences Need to be Acknowledged, Accepted, and Exploited
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:
Because gender runs near to the core of human identity and social meaning, the neglect of gender differences hinders our children in the guidance they receive about what it means to be an adult woman or man. Sax goes so far as to say that future generations will look back on this one and claim that “a fundamental cause for the unraveling of our social fabric was the neglect of gender in the raising of our children (p. 251).”
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Public Speaking Rules! will be released May 1, 2008 and available at Amazon.com. This new book by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD is written for those who are seeking the nuts-and-bolts of speech preparation and presentation. The book covers the fundamentals of public speaking, and it is designed for the first-time public speaker as well as for experienced public speakers who want to brush up on the basics. It's a practical, straightforward, hands-on approach to the essential elements necessary for giving great public speeches.

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Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they really are And Then Some

by Richard L. Weaver II

I’ve never given it a great deal of consideration because it happens often when I am writing. I have selected a topic; I have researched it; and now I am putting ideas into words. It is a moment when I am aware of and paying attention to that point in time in which I find myself. My past is gone, my future is not yet here, and I exist between them in the present moment. What is rewarding, of course, is that I have made a choice to be in the moment and be aware of what is happening right now — I am observing myself having thoughts. This process of paying attention to the here and now — observing my thoughts without being critical or judgmental — is what many people call mindfulness.

Mindfulness, of course, is not constrained to formal sessions where I actually plan ahead for it to occur nor is it relegated to meditation sessions. It is an activity that can be done at any time because all that is required is bringing the mind to focus on what is happening in the present moment.

Mindfulness plays a central role in Buddhism being the seventh element of the Noble Eightfold Path, the sadhana (means of accomplishing) of which is held in the tradition to engender insight and wisdom. It is in that spirit, but not tied to religion in any way, that I selected mindfulness as a topic for this essay because anything designed to engender insight and wisdom should be pursued with vigor, vigilance, and a sense of “how can I achieve that?”

According to Thich Nhat Hanh at the Mindfulness Bell (A Journal of the Art of Mindful Living) (http://www.mindfulnessbell.org/14trainings.htm) there are fourteen mindfulness trainings which I have not only condensed here but altered so that they have no religious connection nor necessity. They are important to, but not totally necessary in, attaining states of mindfulness.

The first mindfulness training is openness. It will help you look deeply and develop understanding and compassion if you approach life unbound by any doctrine, theory, or ideology.

The second mindfulness training is nonattachment from views. It means avoiding being narrow-minded and bound by present views. It allows openness to others’ insights and experiences, awareness that knowledge is not changeless or absolute, recognition that truth will be discovered by observing life within and around you in every moment, and understanding that learning takes place throughout your life.

The third mindfulness training is freedom of thought. It means making a commitment not to impose your views on others — even your children — through authority, threat, money, propaganda, or indoctrination. You must respect the right of others to be different and to choose what to believe and how to decide.

The fourth mindfulness training is awareness of suffering. It means committing yourself to finding ways, including personal contact, images, and sounds, to be with those who suffer, in order to understand their situation deeply and help them transform their suffering into compassion, peace, and joy.

The fifth mindfulness training is simple, healthy living. You commit yourself to sharing your time, energy, and material resources with those in need. It means, as well, not using alcohol, drugs, or any other products that bring toxins into your body.

The sixth mindfulness training is dealing with anger. When anger comes up, you must breathe, walk, and acknowledge, embrace, and look deeply into it, and because it blocks communication and creates suffering, you must take care of the energy of anger when it arises.

The seventh mindfulness training is dwelling happily in the present moment. It means living deeply each moment of daily life — forgetting regrets of the past, worries about the future, cravings, anger, or jealousy — by nourishing joy, peace, love, and understanding in yourself.

The eighth mindfulness training is community and communication. It means practicing compassionate listening and loving speech by listening deeply without judgment and avoiding uttering words that create discord.

The ninth mindfulness training is truthful and loving speech. It means using only words that inspire hope and confidence, avoiding saying untruthful things, or uttering words that might cause division or hatred.

The tenth mindfulness training is practicing understanding and compassion. It means taking a clear stand against oppression and injustice.

The eleventh mindfulness training is right livelihood. This means selecting a livelihood that helps society realize its ideal of understanding and compassion. It means behaving responsibly as consumers and citizens.

The twelfth mindfulness training is reverence for life. It means cultivating nonviolence, promoting peace education, and reconciliation within families, communities, nations, and the world.

The thirteenth mindfulness training is generosity. It means cultivating loving kindness, learning ways to work for the well-being of people, animals, plants, and minerals, and practicing generosity by sharing your time, energy, and material resources with those in need.

The fourteenth and final mindfulness training is right conduct. It means preserving your happiness and that of others by respecting the rights and commitments of yourself and others.

Imagine, for a moment, what your life would be like if it was characterized by each of these mindfulness training insights? Imagine the objectivity — impartial watchfulness — that could be achieved in your perceptions when bad mental states and unpleasantness is removed? If mindfulness registers experiences, without comparison, labels, or categories, imagine the insights and understandings that can come from the direct and immediate experiencing of whatever is happening? If mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they really are and seeing the deep nature of all phenomena — or seeing things as they really are And Then Some — working to achieve the mindfulness training insights becomes a meaningful and worthwhile goal.
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Jeffrey Brantley, MD, has an essay entitled “How to bring more mindfulness into your life.” Click the link and go to the http://dukehealth.com/ website.

There is an excellent, practical essay on mindfulness at a website with that label. It can be found at http://www.ericmaisel.com/em_mindfulness_lg.html The author discusses the long tradition of mindfulness, the central goal of traditional mindfulness, and the high ideal of creative mindfulness. The author offers six principles of creative mindfulness: 1) Observe your thoughts, 2) Detach from the thoughts you are thinking, 3) Appraise your thoughts, 4) Restate your intentions, 5) Free your neurons, empty your mind, and ready yourself for creating, and 6) Explode into your creative work.
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Contact Richard L. Weaver II

And Then Some News

When I read about the values of mindfulness — “We are seeing more and more evidence that mindfulness can increase life enjoyment, improve the ability to cope with illness, and improve physical and emotional health” - about.com website on the topic mental health — you have to wonder what’s it all about? Thursday’s essay, “Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they really are And Then Some” pursues this topic and outlines some of its characteristics.

Share your And Then Some Story about mindfulness. Have you ever practiced mindfulness on a regular basis? What, specifically, do you do? What results do you obtain? If you were to teach mindfulness to your best friends, what would you tell them?

And Then Some Essay - April 24, 2008
Mindfulness is a way of seeing things as they really are And Then Some
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:
Mindfulness plays a central role in Buddhism being the seventh element of the Noble Eightfold Path, the sadhana (means of accomplishing) of which is held in the tradition to engender insight and wisdom. It is in that spirit, but not tied to religion in any way, that I selected mindfulness as a topic for this essay because anything designed to engender insight and wisdom should be pursued with vigor, vigilance, and a sense of “how can I achieve that?”
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Share your 'And Then Some Story'

And Then Some Publishing wants to hear your story. An important part of the And Then Some philosophy revolves around you and how you interpret the concepts and ideas. Saturday Essays on our blog and our book of essays are just guidelines to and our impressions of the And Then Some philosophy; they are not hard and fast rules or concepts embedded in cement. Every individual interprets life differently just as everyone interprets And Then Some just a little differently. In the end, everyone has the same goal, however...And Then Some --- Give more, Get more, Want more from life!

We are compiling your stories for a special And Then Some book built from your experiences. Also, some stories will be chosen to be posted on our blog.

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Reasons why the Law of Attraction (LOA) is a myth

by Richard L. Weaver II

I was reading Christine Comaford-Lynch’s book, Rules for Renegades: How to Make More Money, Rock Your Career, and Revel in Your Individuality (McGraw-Hill, 2007), and I came to her “Ten Steps to Your GSD (Gets Stuff Done)” (pp. 46-50), and I read her sixth suggestion, “Log on to the Law of Attraction” (LOA). In her explanation of this step, Comaford-Lynch writes, “I live by a very cool rule in the universe called the LOA. You’ve heard the saying ‘What you focus on, you become.’ That’s the idea of the LOA.” Comaford-Lynch continues, “When you develop a clear idea of what you want, focus on it, and feel good about it, your mind will consider your wishes to be marching orders.” Her next sentence is the one that causes concern: “The universe will conspire to help to make your dreams come true.”

I will return to her last comment about the universe’s participation in the process in a moment. Before that, however, you need a brief history of the LOA.

The following historical notes are taken directly from Wikipedia and are used here without quotation marks for ease of reading. The LOA concept can be found in Hinduism. The most influential modern book on the subject is As a Man Thinketh by James Allen (1864-1912), which was published in 1902. The title derives from the ancient Jewish Book of Proverbs, chapter 23, verse 7: "As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is." By the mid 20th century, writings on the subject had become common and dozens of authors had addressed the topic under various names, such as positive thinking, "mental science," "pragmatic Christianity," "New Thought," "practical metaphysics," “Science of Mind," and "Religious Science.” In 2006, a film titled The Secret presented the LOA to a new generation; soon after it developed into a book by the same name.

The comments in the remaining portion of this essay are not designed to cast aspersions upon or disparage, in any way, those who believe in the power of positive thinking, use visualization, say positive affirmations to boost their spirits and guide their actions, or have anecdotal proof that the LOA works in their own or others’ lives. According to Wikipedia, once again, “many people who accept the LOA as a guide for right living do so on the basis of their faith in the Universe and The Universe's 'Laws'; thus, to them, the nature of the 'Law' is not one to be settled scientifically, and the word 'Law' carries the same belief-based weight as non-scientific 'Laws' from other religions.” People with these beliefs are unlikely to be swayed by any reasons against the LOA. The purpose of this essay is to show that the LOA is a myth.

Although the definition of the LOA varies greatly, what I am talking about here is the LOA as a theory that “like attracts like” and as applied to the mental life of human beings, suggests that individuals experience in their lives actions and events that correspond to their thoughts, feelings, and words. What this reveals is that believing in the LOA means those individuals have the ability to control the reality of their lives through thought alone.

My first two reasons come from the website of Scott H. Young. The first argument that LOA is a myth is the problem of calling it a law. It is a completely unscientific theory. For something to be called a “law” in science, it must have predictive powers. Evolution is a theory because theories explain; laws predict.

The second reason is that the LOA is impotent. It lacks any basis from which to disprove it. Not only does this render it unscientific but lacking in power as well. For advice to be worthwhile, there must be ways to determine if it is working, and the LOA fails. Often the way it is discussed and presented makes it sound scientific; it is pseudoscience and nothing more.

The third reason is that it is a self-proving concept. That is, if the LOA doesn’t work for you, it is for the same reason as why it works. If positive things happen in your life because you believe in them that proves the LOA. If positive things happen during a time in your life when you are convinced nothing remotely positive could happen or negative things happen when you are 100% convinced they wouldn’t, that would disprove the LOA and cause you to reject it.

The fourth reason is that the LOA is a myth because it simply mimics, and offers little that is new, to the way life works without the LOA. For example, if you went out in traffic looking for red cars, you’ll see many. Your senses are filters, as is your brain, so if you focus on a particular wavelength of stuff, it should be no surprise that you’ll get it. It requires no extraordinary mental jump to the conclusion that life works like that all the time — whatever you focus on, you’ll see more of it, or get more of it. This has nothing to do with the universe conspiring to help you in any way. The universe is simply the aggregate of all existing things.

The fifth reason is that the LOA requires a leap of faith. Comaford-Lynch, for example, puts her faith in an active universe that will conspire to help her. For anyone who believes in the LOA, they will see what they want to see. Many who claim belief in the LOA, or cite personal evidence of its success, are healthy, wealthy, full of joy and love, and the LOA works perfectly. But it works as well for the bitter, depressed, and frustrated who see the world as a horrible place. Their world, too, is the way it is because they think it is that way.

The sixth reason is that the LOA leads people to believe in a wishing well or magic genie. They think by wishing for things hard enough, they will get them. It’s like playing the lottery and doing nothing because when the lottery pays off, you will be successful. It takes more than wishing — and certainly more than waiting for a lottery payout — to make any dream come true. Do you really believe that thinking hard enough about anything will make it come true?

The seventh reason is a question: Do you believe in coincidence, or when random events take place, do you feel they mean something greater?

The eighth reason is that the LOA provides people with the illusion of having control over their lives. Change your attitudes and intentions and any dream you have will come true. If it doesn’t work, it’s your fault because you didn’t genuinely change your attitude or intentions. The LOA is no less a way toward control than faith is a basis for being healed. When you don’t get healed, faith healers will tell you, you simply didn’t have enough faith!

Many people believe in the LOA, especially big name self-help gurus. The LOA is not a proven law of nature, and people do not attract everything in their lives. It is how you think about events and information and the concrete actions you take that give you control of your life. To be healthy and happy you must build your self-esteem, be positive and optimistic, have an open mind, and take action when necessary to make positive changes in your life. There is far better advice in these two sentences than anything the LOA has to offer, and now you have eight reasons to support this view.
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The definition, history, principles, and criticism of the LOA can be found at Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Attraction It offers the most comprehensive coverage of the topic I have discovered.

Megan Jenifer, at the website Ezine Articles, in an essay, “4 Laws of Attraction Myths,” at http://ezinearticles.com/?4-Law-of-Attraction-Myths&id=914954 discusses 1) the LOA is not a law, 2) the LOA is all about choices, 3) feelings are just feelings; they don’t matter, and 4) the LOA only works if you take action.
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Contact Richard L. Weaver II

And Then Some News

“‘The Secret’ reveals the most powerful law in the universe. The knowledge of this law has run like a golden thread through the lives and the teachings of all the prophets, seers, sages and saviors in the world's history, and through the lives of all truly great men and women. All that they have ever accomplished or attained has been done in full accordance with this most powerful law.’” This is a quote from the home page of “The Secret,” and if you believe it, then you need to read this Thursday’s essay entitled, “Reasons why the Law of Attraction (LOA) is a myth.” There is no doubt that “knowledge of this law has run...through the lives and the teachings of all prophets, seers, sages and saviors,” but that neither makes it true nor right. Read the essay; decide for yourself.

Share your And Then Some Story about the myths of our society and world. Have you ever been “sucked in” by old wives tales, superstitions, and urban legends? Has your belief in any of these caused you to behave (or not behave) in some specific fashion? How were you affected? What caused you to realize the falsity of the belief, and when did it happen? In what ways can we move more quickly (as a society) to put an end to such bunk before it has a chance to take hold and have impact?

And Then Some Essay - April 17, 2008
Reasons why the Law of Attraction (LOA) is a myth
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:
Although the definition of the LOA (Law of Attraction) varies greatly, what I am talking about here is the LOA as a theory that “like attracts like” and as applied to the mental life of human beings, suggests that individuals experience in their lives actions and events that correspond to their thoughts, feelings, and words. What this reveals is that believing in the LOA means those individuals have the ability to control the reality of their lives through thought alone.
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Share your 'And Then Some Story'

And Then Some Publishing wants to hear your story. An important part of the And Then Some philosophy revolves around you and how you interpret the concepts and ideas. Saturday Essays on our blog and our book of essays are just guidelines to and our impressions of the And Then Some philosophy; they are not hard and fast rules or concepts embedded in cement. Every individual interprets life differently just as everyone interprets And Then Some just a little differently. In the end, everyone has the same goal, however...And Then Some --- Give more, Get more, Want more from life!

We are compiling your stories for a special And Then Some book built from your experiences. Also, some stories will be chosen to be posted on our blog.

The only way this feature can work is if you submit your story on how And Then Some works in your life. We're starting from ground zero and we need your stories!

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A “thinking” environment should be at the core of any true democracy

by Richard L. Weaver II

Several times during my life I have been asked, “If you could change anything in this world, what would it be?” And, at various times I have given different answers to this question: poverty, the environment, or honesty. But, I have an answer that could really make a difference in our world — not that solving the problem of poverty, saving our environment, or creating an atmosphere of honesty would not make substantial contributions. If everyone — parents, teachers, religious leaders, politicians, and individuals themselves — focused on developing and maintaining a “thinking” environment, perhaps many of the other problems of this world would and could be solved.

The first place where developing a “thinking” environment must occur is in the home. The question is, “How do you encourage children to think on their own?” Thinking as I use it in this essay means using the mind or intellect in exercising judgment, forming ideas, and engaging in rational thought. It is parents’ duty to feed and clothe their children, but parental responsibility must not stop at supplying these needs. Another basic need is to feed the minds of children with facts, information, ideas, and knowledge. Children need a foundation from which they can exercise judgment, form their own ideas, and engage in rational thought.

Important to establishing a structure upon which children can build a life is providing them stimuli — anything that rouses the mind or spirit. This may mean having books, magazines, and newspapers available, but it is important that parents read to their children from infancy (or before!) until they can comfortably and pleasurefully read for themselves. They must always be supplied with books at their level, so that when they are looking for things to do, interesting and enjoyable literature is at their fingertips. They need to see their parents reading not just sitting passively watching television, surfing the Internet, or playing movies.

In addition to reading material, children need to be taken to the library, to museums and zoos, and other trips away from home. For example, camping is a great way to discover, explore, and enjoy nature. Such excursions help them form opinions, develop feelings, and invent and imagine related ideas. Also, they need to be challenged. In our house, dinnertime was an opportunity to ask questions, present ideas, discuss positions, laugh, love, and express ourselves and our true nature.

School is the second place where developing a “thinking” environment should take place. Perhaps this looks too obvious; after all what else is school supposed to do? Students not only need to cover the basics, but those “basics” need to be reinforced at every opportunity with no excuses and no “watering down” the curriculum. Students need to be challenged from the very beginning—in preschool—where they can be asked intelligent questions, challenged to come up with their own interpretations, and even encouraged to take actions based on their facts and opinions. By beginning the “thinking” environment early, it is established as a benchmark for all other classes, grades, and levels that follow. Thinking becomes inherent, instinctive, accepted, and deeply rooted.

This does not mean that learning cannot be fun. But fun does not need to be unorganized socializing, unstructured playing, and unregulated talk. These activities can be focused, ordered, and well run so that students are actively engaged in academic work that is enriching, edifying, illuminating, productive, and gratifying. When academic activities are satisfying, students will seek to be involved on their own — without being told, encouraged, or rewarded to take part.

The school-home connection for encouraging a “thinking” environment should be established through homework. Homework promotes self-discipline and bonds between parents and children. It extends lessons introduced in school, helps students toward deeper understandings, keeps ideas and thoughts at the forefront of students’ minds, provides additional insights and understanding, prepares students for life, keeps parents informed of what is going on in school and, most important of all, establishes a pattern of learning and information acquisition beyond the classroom — outside of the school’s formal, well-defined walls.

The third place where a “thinking” environment can be established is in churches and synagogues. Although it is essential that basic concepts and understandings are established, once they are established, congregations should be attracted because churches and synagogues make what they offer inviting, even irresistible. Church patrons should then be offered alternatives and encouraged to attend other churches — to investigate, scrutinize, inspect, study, and research other religions. At no point should church-goers be reprimanded, admonished, or publicly punished because of their interest in, attendance at, or membership with another church or synagogue — even if it is a different denomination, group, sect, persuasion, or order. The main point is that people must be able to freely choose how they want to express their religious beliefs, and any church or synagogue supporting a “thinking” environment must, indeed, promote and encourage freedom for individuals within their purview.

The fourth place where a “thinking” environment can be promoted is at work. “Subscribers to the Harvard Business Review,” writes Ronald B. Adler and Jeanne Marquardt Elmhorst in their textbook Communicating at Work (McGraw-Hill), “rated ‘the ability to communicate’ the most important factor in making an executive ‘promotable,’ more important than ambition, education, and capacity for hard work.” Those most successful at work share personality traits that distinguish good communicators: a desire to persuade, an interest in talking and working with other people, and an outgoing, ascendant personality. These are the people who connect with others, discover important information, and generate creative new ideas. Given the freedom to and the rewards for “thinking,” they seek problems that demand attention, depend upon the considerable data they have stored up, ameliorate ideas, and begin thinking of well-thought-out and realistic solutions.

When a “thinking” environment begins at home, continues at school, bridges the school-home fracture with homework, is reinforced at churches and synagogues, and extends into the workplace, the result is a world full of thinkers who use the mind or intellect in exercising judgment, forming ideas, and engaging in rational thought. They analyze, criticize, take nothing for granted, weigh opinions and evidence, and devise options, alternatives, and various courses of action that are the result of organized, systematic, and rigorous reflection and deliberation. Isn’t that precisely what a true democracy should have at its core?
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At the website http://www.freeinquiry.com/critical-thinking.html “An Introduction to Critical Thinking,” Steven D. Schafersman has written an excellent essay on the need to teach critical thinking skills to students. Although the essay is 17 years old, it is no less relevant today than when it was written.

In this lengthy but informative and valuable essay entitled, “Critical thinking: What is it good for? (In fact, what is it?)” at the website http://www.csicop.org/si/2006-02/thinking.html sponsored by the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry, Howard Gabennesch offers readers a thorough analysis (along with 23 supporting references) of why the term needs a clearer definition and why the stakes are so high in obtaining such a perspective. This is a very effective, well-written essay.
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Contact Richard L. Weaver II

And Then Some News

Don’t be fooled. The andthensomeworks.com blog has moved from a Thursday-Saturday format to a Tuesday-Thursday format. Nothing else has changed. There will still be the same great essays, they will simply be appearing on a different day. Why did we change? We have discovered that many people enjoy reading our essays while at work. In this way, the Tuesday tease will be followed by the Thursday essay in a manner that best corresponds to a typical work week. No longer will those at work have to wait until the following Monday to read the Saturday essay. We have changed to best accommodate people’s work schedule.

“Critical thinking” according to Wikipedia, “consists of mental processes of discernment, analysis and evaluation. It includes possible processes of reflecting upon a tangible or intangible item in order to form a solid judgment that reconciles scientific evidence with common sense.” This is a great definition, but these skills — even when possessed by people — are unlikely to be used. It seems that in our society today, people react less by using their mental processes of discernment, analysis, and evaluation and more by using their emotion, gut reaction, and prior conditioning. Although much of what I suggest in this Thursday’s essay, “A “thinking” environment should be at the core of any true democracy,” is based on what I consider to be an “ideal” society, it does offer a legitimate solution that could be enacted if people chose to do so.

Share your And Then Some Story about living a thoughtful life and how you establish, develop, and maintain such a life in today’s world. Did you have a “thinking” environment in your home? Was it encouraged in the schools you went to? How about the school-home connection? Did your church, synagogue, or temple challenge you to think and not just accept? How about the environment where you work?

And Then Some Essay - April 10, 2008
Healthy A "thinking" environment should be at the core of any true democracy
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:
Several times during my life I have been asked, “If you could change anything in this world, what would it be?” And, at various times I have given different answers to this question: poverty, the environment, or honesty. But, I have an answer that could really make a difference in our world — not that solving the problem of poverty, saving our environment, or creating an atmosphere of honesty would not make substantial contributions. If everyone — parents, teachers, religious leaders, politicians, and individuals themselves — focused on developing and maintaining a “thinking” environment, perhaps many of the other problems of this world would and could be solved.
-------------------------

Share your 'And Then Some Story'

And Then Some Publishing wants to hear your story. An important part of the And Then Some philosophy revolves around you and how you interpret the concepts and ideas. Saturday Essays on our blog and our book of essays are just guidelines to and our impressions of the And Then Some philosophy; they are not hard and fast rules or concepts embedded in cement. Every individual interprets life differently just as everyone interprets And Then Some just a little differently. In the end, everyone has the same goal, however...And Then Some --- Give more, Get more, Want more from life!

We are compiling your stories for a special And Then Some book built from your experiences. Also, some stories will be chosen to be posted on our blog.

The only way this feature can work is if you submit your story on how And Then Some works in your life. We're starting from ground zero and we need your stories!

Please... Submit and share your story... please. Be the first And Then Some Fan Story to be featured on our blog!

Click here to submit and share your And Then Some story!

And Then Some Works - see you THURSDAY!!

Healthy Selfishness Contributes to Being Effective, Efficient, and Productive

by Richard L. Weaver II

Writing in 1961 for the New York Herald Tribune, John K. Hutchens said, “A writer and nothing else: a man alone in a room with the English language...,” and that conveys in 15 words exactly the selfishness writers must enforce. Writing is a lonely profession; however, to get that alone-time, writers must resist outside temptations, the lure of television, the Internet, and other media seductions, and even desires to be with family and friends. With success in writing, it is a healthy (but necessary) selfishness.

I never called it “healthy selfishness,” however, until I read Drs. Rachael and Richard Hellers’ book of the same name. Their subtitle is Getting the Life You Deserve Without the Guilt (Meredith Books, 2006). They define it as “a way of thinking and acting in which there is a deep appreciation, compassion, and concern for yourself — by yourself” (p. 12). They suggest that it includes a respect for your feelings, trust of your knowledge and ability, acceptance of your weaknesses and imperfections, an encouragement of your efforts and struggles, and an offer of unconditional love and nurturing of the child within (p. 12).

As a writer I have often been asked about the life of solitude that necessarily accompanies the choice to be a writer. Heller and Heller clarify the benefits I have experienced. It brings a zest for living that is astounding, a joy that comes from truly experiencing, and it’s the key that opens the door to a life of freedom — freedom, they say, “from being ruled by the opinions and demands of others, as well as freedom from the voices within your mind” (p. 12).

Let me personalize healthy selfishness. For me, there is both peace and contentment in living and working with my ideas. Someone recently asked me if — looking back on it — I felt good about my choice of writing over teaching. That is, I gave up teaching entirely to be able to write full time. Peace and contentment arise from being your own boss, making your own choices and decisions, establishing your own deadlines and time frames, and using all your own tools and abilities applied to something you love to do. Such peace and contentment is empowering.

When you are independent and accepting and understanding of your self, you recognize and capitalize on your capabilities. You open yourself to criticism; however, you are so appreciative of your self and trusting in your talents and abilities that you are unconcerned. This opens the doors to truth and greater understanding.

Healthy selfishness grounds me in the present but allows me to think realistically of the future as well. While I experience the true pleasure of creativity and self-expression, I can focus on myself as creator, inventor, and problem solver. This leads to realistic problem solving and decision-making and, in that way, forces me to think more deeply, intensely, and profoundly.

The goal of healthy selfishness is not to ignore all other demands. I want to acknowledge at the outset of this description that I am indebted to Heller and Heller for their clear description of what healthy selfishness looks like. My goal is to obtain a healthy balance. That is, when I come face-to-face with the needs or wishes of friends or family, the demands of other writing projects, I attempt to find a creative way to meet the requirements of others while satisfying my own needs and desires. I don’t deny myself unless there is a very good reason to do so but, when it is necessary to put my own needs aside, I will do that without resentment.

Now, when it comes to my physical needs, I must be nurturing, though not to the extreme. I give myself the rest and nourishment I need, not only to stay healthy enough to get all the jobs done that I face but, mainly, because it would not occur to me to not do so. I do not make it a practice to deny myself unless there is a very good reason for doing so, but I am not a slave to my moment-to-moment whims, and that’s what’s important. Vacations, other demands, and the needs of family and friends can intrude, of course, but only under my watchful, judgmental eye.

What is important in all of this is that I trust my perceptions and preferences. After making a decision, I dislike going back and forth — reconsidering my choice. In general, I would rather make a mistake, pick up the pieces, and learn from it rather than backtrack or sit on a fence, endlessly debating whether I’ve made the right choice.

There is a risk in all of this. When I do not run to the rescue of family and friends, or when I do not give them exactly what they want when they want it, I may get accused of being uncaring or insensitive. Although I would prefer that they understood my motives and the wisdom of my approach — and, for the most part, they do — their accusations do not — and cannot — distress me.

I get pleasure from many things: from something as simple as a tall, cool, glass of iced coffee with milk when I’m thirsty, to the satisfaction of a job well done. If situations or people prevent me from completing my work in the best possible way, I work around them to the extent that I can. I enjoy honing my skills and becoming better at a task by repeatedly experimenting with different approaches and shortcuts to getting the job done. Multitasking can be pleasurable. I find it neither stressful nor anxiety-producing but rather a challenge that enables me to see competence in action — which is one of the enriching, enhancing, and encouraging rewards.

I have long-term goals, and, although I am aware that I may not be able to complete them all, I feel neither frightened nor self-blaming at the thought of never getting to do all that I want in life. I have so much; I have had so much; and I appreciate it all so much!

Healthy selfishness is part of my everyday experience. Either I come by it naturally or I have learned the hard way that it is a far better way of living — for myself as well as for others. In either case, I have discovered that a good balance of healthy selfishness can make my life pleasurable, productive, and amazingly rewarding.

I have the courage, balance, and self-confidence that many people envy. I have chosen healthy selfishness as a way of life. Still, in the everyday world, friends, family, spouses, and children may make me question my right to healthy selfishness, but I know that for me, it not only works, but it works extremely well in producing an effective, efficient, and productive human being.
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Suite 101.com (http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/new_thought/112614) offers an excellent essay by Richard Kent Matthews entitled, “Healthy Selfishness: How to Create Favorable Conditions for Success,” that offers specific suggestions for accomplishing healthy selfishness.

At the “Daily OM” website (http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2005/345.html) there is a delightful, short essay entitled, “Calling in the One,” by Katherine Woodward Thomas, reprinted from her book, Calling In The One: 7 Weeks To Attracting The Love Of Your Life. Her essay discusses healthy selfishness.

If you like this concept, read the brief article reprinted from Ladies Home Journal (February 2006) by Dsr. Rachel and Richard Heller entitled “Why It's Healthy to Put Yourself First: Reduce Stress with Guilt-Free Pampering” at the website msn.lifestyle (http://lifestyle.msn.com/MindBodyandSoul/PersonalGrowth/Articlelhj.aspx?cp-documentid=496530)

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Contact Richard L. Weaver II

And Then Some News

Saturday’s essay on healthy selfishness is personal. It is based on Drs. Rachael and Richard Hellers’ book of the same name. Their subtitle is Getting the Life You Deserve Without the Guilt (Meredith Books, 2006), and it answers a question this writer is often asked, “How do you deal with the life of solitude that writing demands?” If you are an artist, a poet, a musician, or pursue any craft or talent that requires a great deal of alone time, then you will appreciate this essay. You will also know how healthy selfishness works in producing effective, efficient, and productive human beings.

Share your And Then Some Story about healthy selfishness. Have you practiced healthy selfishness in your own life, and can you share those experiences? Have you discovered the downside to healthy selfishness? For you personally, what rewards or benefits have you experienced from practicing healthy selfishness? See the specifics about sharing your And Then Some Story in the section that follows the excerpt below.

Saturday Essay - April 5, 2008
Healthy Selfishness Contributes to Being Effective, Efficient, and Productive
by Richard L. Weaver II

Excerpt:
Let me personalize healthy selfishness. For me, there is both peace and contentment in living and working with my ideas. Someone recently asked me if — looking back on it — I felt good about my choice of writing over teaching. That is, I gave up teaching entirely to be able to write full time. Peace and contentment arise from being your own boss, making your own choices and decisions, establishing your own deadlines and time frames, and using all your own tools and abilities applied to something you love to do. Such peace and contentment is empowering.
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