Gender Differences Need to be Acknowledged, Accepted, and Exploited

by Richard L. Weaver II

For all of my growing years everyone thought that male and female differences occurred because parents raised girls and boys in different ways. But the truth is the other way around. Parents raise girls and boys differently because girls and boys are so different from birth. The differences can be noticed in the way girls and boys play, learn, fight, process emotions, and see the world. All these differences come about because their brains are wired differently.

Much of this essay has been drawn from a book entitled Why Gender Matters: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know About the Emerging Science of Sex Differences (Broadway Books, 2005) by Leonard Sax, M.D., PhD. Sax challenges many of the basic assumptions regarding gender differences by interspersing hard data and numerous case studies. This is an outstanding work of scholarship, and in this essay I avoid using quotation marks to indicate my use of this source because of the distraction quotation marks create.

Differences between males and females go on and on. In friendships, for example, girls’ friendships can be characterized as face-to-face — two or three girls talking with one another — whereas boys’ friendships are shoulder-to-shoulder — a group of boys looking out at some common interest (like a video game or a sporting event). Girls confide in each other about their most personal doubts and difficulties; most boys don’t want to hear about each other’s innermost secrets. Close friendships between girls are usually intimate and personal. Friendships between boys are usually built around shared activities.

There are many other differences, too. For example, one occurs in how females and males give directions. Girls are more likely to use visible landmarks whereas boys are more likely to use compass directions: north, south, east, and west. In another example, girls and boys turn to drugs for different reasons. Girls use drugs to lose weight, relieve stress, to calm down, and because their friends are doing it. Most boys who abuse drugs are looking for a thrill. They want the excitement of doing something dangerous. Also, boys are more likely to buy illegal drugs from strangers (risk-taking behavior), while girls buy most of their drugs from people they know. Yet another difference is how girls and boys respond to types of discipline. Boys respond well to strict and authoritarian discipline, which might include occasional spanking. For girls, a warm and fuzzy approach is the one that best promotes social skills; strict discipline may even have a slight negative effect on girls’ social development.

There are many other differences as well, however, as parents we would all like our children to grow up to be courageous and self-confident — attributes traditionally considered masculine. But we also want them to be nurturing, thoughtful, and good listeners — attributes traditionally seen as feminine. We want our children to grow into adults who are comfortable expressing both feminine and masculine attributes — whatever is appropriate for the situation.

The best way to raise androgynous children is to first let them be who they are. The appropriate quotation is, “You can’t be at home everywhere until you are at home somewhere.” Once your children are sure of who they are, they will be more confident, more able to explore gender-atypical ways of learning and listening.

But why does gender matter? A group of distinguished scholars at Dartmouth Medical School determined that our society’s neglect of gender differences has caused great harm. It deeply influences their well-being, they said.

Gender may be more fundamental to learning than age. Noted Georgetown University professor Deborah Tannen compared how girls and boys of different ages use language. In her book, You Just Don’t Understand (HaarperCollins, 2001), she said she “was overwhelmed by the differences that separated the females and males at each age, and the striking similarities that linked the females, on one hand, and the males, on the other, across the vast expanse of age. In many ways,” she writes, “the second-grade girls were more like the twenty-five-year-old women than like the second-grade boys.” Why is this important? Because it affects children’s ability to listen, willingness to affiliate with adults, and their emotional development.

Girls and boys assess risk differently, and they differ in their likelihood of engaging in risky behaviors. In play behavior, for example, boys are more likely to put their fingers into an electrical socket, try to stand on a basketball, or jump off a chair. Even when told to stop doing something risky, boys are less likely to comply. Studies in the United States and around the world universally find that boys are more likely to engage in physically risky activities. Why is this important? Because boys are more likely to be seriously injured or killed in accidents such as drowning, misuse of firearms, or head injury related to riding a bicycle, or playing in extreme sports. For boys, doing something dangerous or stupid increases when in a group of boys.

According to a study by the National Endowment for the Arts (NEA), the gender gap in reading — favoring girls at the expense of boys — has grown from a small gap to a yawning chasm. “What was formerly a moderate difference is fast becoming a decided marker of gender identity. “Girls read; boys don’t,” the study reports. In addition, the NEA noted that boys are disengaging from school. More boys are dropping out, and a smaller proportion are going on to college. Those men who attend college are less likely to earn a diploma, and those who do earn a diploma are less likely to go on to graduate school. There are, thus, less American men earning PhDs in math and science, and because American women have not stepped in to fill the breach, the gap is being filled by foreign students. One writer has suggested that the decline in numbers of Americans studying advanced math and science may adversely affect national security.

Because gender runs near to the core of human identity and social meaning, the neglect of gender differences hinders our children in the guidance they receive about what it means to be an adult woman or man. Sax goes so far as to say that future generations will look back on this one and claim that “a fundamental cause for the unraveling of our social fabric was the neglect of gender in the raising of our children (p. 251).”

“Differences between girls and boys are natural. Those differences should be acknowledged, accepted, and exploited” (p. 63). The fact is that girls and boys differ in learning, risk assessment, the pursuit of education, in how they transition from boys and girls into men and women, and in many other ways. Parents and teachers need to adopt strategies that will get the best out of every child.
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“Contrary to the wishful thinking of feminists, bisexuals, and transsexuals, there are profound differences between males and females--and those differences are programmed within the DNA from the moment of conception. The brains of females and males are clearly "sexed," and testosterone and estrogen are the juices that augment maleness and femaleness.” These are the concluding comments from this well-written essay, “Gender Differences Are Real,” by Frank York at the Narth website http://www.narth.com/docs/york.html.

From ScienceDaily http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080303120346.htm the essay, “Boys' And Girls' Brains Are Different: Gender Differences In Language Appear Biological,” discusses the biological basis that may explain why the gender differences exist.
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Contact Richard L. Weaver II