The Message Parents Don’t Want to Hear

by Richard L. Weaver II

You are responsible! I don’t mean giving your children “a safe environment for their growth, providing for their basic needs, allowing them to develop their own identity, nurturing their self esteem, installing moral and social values, respecting them, educating them, or even spending time with them” as explained in an ezine article on Parental Responsiblity by Nigel Lane. I consider all of these expected, obvious, and necessary parental duties.

In this essay I will discuss violence, obesity, reading, and manners. In each case, I hold parents responsible for the results each of us witnesses every day in our society.

“Childhood meanness always has been a part of growing up -- taunting other youngsters, playing malicious practical jokes, indulging in gossip and put-downs, vying for pecking order in snobbish (or rebel) cliques,” writes B. K. Eakman in an essay entitled The Seven Deadly Sins of Parental Irresponsibility. “Adults, especially parents,” Eakman continues, “used to rein in such conduct, being ever vigilant of youthful excesses. They looked around when they changed the beds, paid attention to the company their offspring kept (and idolized), said ‘No!’ to inappropriate apparel and entertainment, quashed disobedience and punished foul language.”

This is not to suggest that there aren’t other factors than parents alone in influencing children. But my position is that parents must bear the primary responsibility. Eakman writes, “The tendency to give smaller offenses a free pass as in ‘don't sweat the small stuff,’ especially in areas such as tact, propriety and orderliness, so that a child views life as a constant challenge to test the limits of parents' and society's tolerance.”

Finally, Eakman makes my case for parental irresponsibility: “Even toddlers recognize that, for the most part, adults today just go through the motions of child-rearing, occasionally mentoring, not wishing to appear unyielding, inflexible or dogmatic.”

Childhood violence is just one example, obesity is another. Phil Ian Goode, in an essay entitled, Teenage Obesity A Growing Problem Parents Must Not Ignore, writes about who is to blame for the poor eating habits and lazy ways of children and teens. He writes, “The blame has only one doorstep to be laid upon, that of the parents. If the household food purchasing patterns include maximal amounts of processed foods, foods high in fats and moreover high in sugar and/or takeaway/fast foods, then this is simply parental irresponsibility in practice.” Goode continues, “The same goes for habitually buying large shipments of mega-sized soda and cola drinks. These beverages are frequently caffeine based and therefore in effect ‘addictive.’ Parents who have developed the taste for literally gallons of soda a week in their children have a great deal of blame to shoulder if their child has turned into victims of teenage obesity!”

Like most unhealthy, unattractive, and unnecessary childhood and teenage problems and characteristics, parents need to set good examples, discuss the issues, and keep a close eye on their children and teenagers. Sure, society can serve up junk food, soda and cola drinks, and candy, but parents control what is purchased. Of course there will be times when children and teenagers are in control — at school or at a friend’s house — but these times are minimal compared with time at home and the influence of good parental models. There is no excuse, and the worst one of all, of course, is, “I didn’t see it until it was too late.”

There is another aspect of parental irresponsibility, too, that bears directly on obesity and laziness as well. Randall Seltz writes in the Western Herald, Legislation Will Not Prevent Obesity for Apathetic Kids. In his essay, he states, “Many currently obese or overweight children spend more hours sitting in front of a television playing sports video games when they could be outside actually playing the sports. Parents need to encourage their children to make healthy decisions when it comes to recreation, while also providing nutritional food for them to eat, rather than fatty junk foods.” If the amount of time spent viewing television, the Internet, playing video games, and watching movies is not under parental control, then parents are not in control — and they must be!

Violence and obesity are two examples, but poor reading skills can, too, have a damaging long-term effect on one’s life, and parents are responsible here as well. Damaging long-term effect? Children who read well have higher IQs, do better in school, are more creative, develop strong language skills, and have more information. A child who says, “I just don’t like to read,” or “I don’t read well,” or does poorly in school (often traced to poor reading skills), is a child of irresponsible parents. Parents must introduce children to reading early, read to them regularly, provide a model by reading themselves, and make available reading material as an alternative to television, the Internet, playing video games, and watching movies. Not to do this will continue what has already begun: the production of a generation of semi-literate slackers.

Finally, in the area of manners, parents are responsible. The loud, obnoxious, and rude behavior of children and teenagers emanates in the home. Scott Wardell, in an essay entitled, Teaching Manners — Why Parents Need to Set An Example, writes, “We all want our children to have good manners. Manners can and should begin to be taught to children as soon as they begin to speak. Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are common manners. Parents who model good manners in front of their children often see the children beginning to use appropriate manners.” Wardell offers seven steps for teaching good manners at his website.

If we are to have a generation of civil, slender, readers, with manners, then it is mandatory that parents take charge. Children and teenagers will be as responsible as their parents were in raising them. Sure, it’s a message parents don’t want to hear, but it is a message of parental responsibility that is important to society as well as the next generation.

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At Yahoo!Answers, http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080105202839AAqg7st, the question is, “Are Parents Ultimately Responsible for their Children’s Behavior?,” and the responses by those who have written are excellent and worth reading.

At the web site: http://www.blurtit.com/forandagainst/Parents_Are_Responsible_For_Their_Own_Children_Behaviour

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Contact Richard L. Weaver II