"He who does not understand words, cannot understand people." ---Confucius
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Be aware of the myths that guide your life
by Richard L. Weaver II
Myths guide your actions. As important as it is for you to exercise, follow effective nutrition guidelines, and get sufficient sleep, in many cases your attempts to do what will keep you healthy are affected by and, thus, in some cases, contravened by myths. Some of these myths are wired into you, and no matter what scientific evidence is offered, they remain anchored, fixed, and secure.
You may wonder why myths often have such a stranglehold over you and your actions? First, they are what give support to your moral values. Whether it be a belief in faith, authority, human empathy, genuine feelings for others, or rational principles, myths buttress your system of moral values. Second, they give you your personal identity. Identity is an ongoing negotiation within you, between how you choose to narrate particular scenes and the culture within which you live. “I am part of a tightknit family,” “I am part of a larger community,” or “I am part of God’s kingdom,” all can be true; however, each plays a role in the formation of your personal identity. Showing loyalty to your family, town, church, or nation is the result of believing in the “sense of community” myth — and loyalties to friends or community are the result of strong myths that reinforce social bonding.
The third reason myths have such a restrictive hold over you is that they are a way to deal with the mystery of and fears relating to creation and death. For many people it is this related set of myths that provide solace. “It is in the nature of humans to wonder about the unknown and search for answers,” writes Lindsey Murtagh, in “Common Elements in Creation Myths.” “At the foundation of nearly every culture," writes Murtagh, "is a creation myth that explains how the wonders of the earth came to be. These myths have an immense influence on people's frame of reference. They influence the way people think about the world and their place in relation to their surroundings.”
But, what about the myths that guide your everyday life in the areas of exercise, nutrition, and sleep? How powerful are they? Without them, you are lost. Why? Because they create meaning out of your life and actions. Because they make you believe that you matter, that your daily life has meaning, and that your activities fulfill the myths that guide your actions.
Some of the myths about exercise are precisely those that prevent some from engaging in any kind of exercise program at all. “It’s all in the genes,” suggests, for example, that we don’t even have any control over it. We’re either fit or we’re unfit; it has to do with the cards we’re dealt when we’re born. “No pain, no gain,” is a myth, but certainly some see exercise as a painful way to keep fit. Or, “Once you stop strength training, your muscles will turn to fat.” Then, what’s the point? Leave my fat muscles as they are and avoid the exercise-intervention strategy! Of course, muscles turning to fat or vice versa is a physiological impossibility.
For most reasonable people, the operative philosophy regarding exercise is: “It works.” Why it’s important is discussed on the website longevity meme.org. At this website, it states that exercise helps avoid damage caused by a sedentary lifestyle, hastens recovery from injuries, and prevents falls. Also, aerobic fitness may prevent a diminished functional capacity, including obesity, diabetes, hypertension, myocardial infarction, stroke, some forms of cancer, and osteoporosis.
Just as there are myths that guide exercising, there are myths, too, that guide the value we give nutrition and diet. The first is that there is a perfect diet that will work for everyone. Just as an example, some people do very well on vegetarian diets while others crash and burn. “One size only fits the people who come in that size,” according to one website. According to another website, other myths include “Cutting carbohydrates helps you lose weight,” “Diet foods help you drop pounds,” “The more you cut calories, the more weight you’ll lose,” “Diary makes you fat,” or “Brown equals whole-grain.”
At yet another website, two of the nutrition myths discussed include sugar and fat. The first myth is that sugar causes diabetes; sugar intake will not cause you to develop the disease. Type 2 diabetes results primarily from three risk factors: 1) a diet high in calories, 2) being overweight, and 3) an inactive lifestyle.
The myth regarding fat is that all fats are bad. Fact is, fats assist nutrient absorption, support nerve transmission, and help maintain cell membrane integrity. Of course, if consumed in excessive amounts they contribute to weight gain, heart disease, and certain types of cancers. But, not all fats are created equal according to the Health Castle website. What you have to do is replace bad fats with good fats.
The Medical News Today website debunks ten common myths regarding nutrition that include eating immediately after a workout to improve recovery, the trouble eating fiber can cause if you have irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), the necessity for consuming extra protein to build muscle mass, that vitamin supplements are necessary for everyone, that all alcohol is bad for you, that eating eggs will raise your cholesterol, that brown grain products are whole grain products, the need to drink eight 8-oz. glasses of water per day, and that eating carbohydrates will make you fat. These are all myths.
In addition to myths governing the way we exercise and eat, there are myths that affect your sleep as well. At the Sleep Disorders website two of the twelve myths discussed there are, first, that you can “cheat” on the amount of sleep you get. It can be dangerous to both physical and mental health to do so. Second, it is a myth as well, that you can “catch up” on sleep missed. Once you miss hours of sleep, they are gone forever.
The point of this essay is not necessarily the myths themselves but how myths govern our actions. Because of their importance in our lives, it is wise to be aware of them, check them out, and be flexible in altering those that no longer serve a useful purpose.
-----
At the SharpBrains, “The Brain Fitness Authority,” website there is a condensed version of a 40-page whitepaper "11 Sharp Brains Debunk 10 Myths on the Science Behind The Nascent Brain Fitness Industry." The whitepaper features 11 in-depth interviews with leading neuroscientists, psychologists and experts in the field of cognition, conducted by Alvaro Fernandez. The 10 myths are listed, and there are brief quotes from the interviews.
“Exploding Exercise Myths” at the infoplease.com website it says, “Getting Americans off the couch and onto their feet could save an estimated 200,000 lives a year, says the surgeon general. Yet most of us are either sedentary or only minimally active. Confusion may keep many couch potatoes from getting into shape.” These are the first sentences at this website where ten myths are exploded.
-----
Copyright 2009 by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Myths guide your actions. As important as it is for you to exercise, follow effective nutrition guidelines, and get sufficient sleep, in many cases your attempts to do what will keep you healthy are affected by and, thus, in some cases, contravened by myths. Some of these myths are wired into you, and no matter what scientific evidence is offered, they remain anchored, fixed, and secure.
You may wonder why myths often have such a stranglehold over you and your actions? First, they are what give support to your moral values. Whether it be a belief in faith, authority, human empathy, genuine feelings for others, or rational principles, myths buttress your system of moral values. Second, they give you your personal identity. Identity is an ongoing negotiation within you, between how you choose to narrate particular scenes and the culture within which you live. “I am part of a tightknit family,” “I am part of a larger community,” or “I am part of God’s kingdom,” all can be true; however, each plays a role in the formation of your personal identity. Showing loyalty to your family, town, church, or nation is the result of believing in the “sense of community” myth — and loyalties to friends or community are the result of strong myths that reinforce social bonding.
The third reason myths have such a restrictive hold over you is that they are a way to deal with the mystery of and fears relating to creation and death. For many people it is this related set of myths that provide solace. “It is in the nature of humans to wonder about the unknown and search for answers,” writes Lindsey Murtagh, in “Common Elements in Creation Myths.” “At the foundation of nearly every culture," writes Murtagh, "is a creation myth that explains how the wonders of the earth came to be. These myths have an immense influence on people's frame of reference. They influence the way people think about the world and their place in relation to their surroundings.”
But, what about the myths that guide your everyday life in the areas of exercise, nutrition, and sleep? How powerful are they? Without them, you are lost. Why? Because they create meaning out of your life and actions. Because they make you believe that you matter, that your daily life has meaning, and that your activities fulfill the myths that guide your actions.
Some of the myths about exercise are precisely those that prevent some from engaging in any kind of exercise program at all. “It’s all in the genes,” suggests, for example, that we don’t even have any control over it. We’re either fit or we’re unfit; it has to do with the cards we’re dealt when we’re born. “No pain, no gain,” is a myth, but certainly some see exercise as a painful way to keep fit. Or, “Once you stop strength training, your muscles will turn to fat.” Then, what’s the point? Leave my fat muscles as they are and avoid the exercise-intervention strategy! Of course, muscles turning to fat or vice versa is a physiological impossibility.
For most reasonable people, the operative philosophy regarding exercise is: “It works.” Why it’s important is discussed on the website longevity meme.org. At this website, it states that exercise helps avoid damage caused by a sedentary lifestyle, hastens recovery from injuries, and prevents falls. Also, aerobic fitness may prevent a diminished functional capacity, including obesity, diabetes, hypertension, myocardial infarction, stroke, some forms of cancer, and osteoporosis.
Just as there are myths that guide exercising, there are myths, too, that guide the value we give nutrition and diet. The first is that there is a perfect diet that will work for everyone. Just as an example, some people do very well on vegetarian diets while others crash and burn. “One size only fits the people who come in that size,” according to one website. According to another website, other myths include “Cutting carbohydrates helps you lose weight,” “Diet foods help you drop pounds,” “The more you cut calories, the more weight you’ll lose,” “Diary makes you fat,” or “Brown equals whole-grain.”
At yet another website, two of the nutrition myths discussed include sugar and fat. The first myth is that sugar causes diabetes; sugar intake will not cause you to develop the disease. Type 2 diabetes results primarily from three risk factors: 1) a diet high in calories, 2) being overweight, and 3) an inactive lifestyle.
The myth regarding fat is that all fats are bad. Fact is, fats assist nutrient absorption, support nerve transmission, and help maintain cell membrane integrity. Of course, if consumed in excessive amounts they contribute to weight gain, heart disease, and certain types of cancers. But, not all fats are created equal according to the Health Castle website. What you have to do is replace bad fats with good fats.
The Medical News Today website debunks ten common myths regarding nutrition that include eating immediately after a workout to improve recovery, the trouble eating fiber can cause if you have irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), the necessity for consuming extra protein to build muscle mass, that vitamin supplements are necessary for everyone, that all alcohol is bad for you, that eating eggs will raise your cholesterol, that brown grain products are whole grain products, the need to drink eight 8-oz. glasses of water per day, and that eating carbohydrates will make you fat. These are all myths.
In addition to myths governing the way we exercise and eat, there are myths that affect your sleep as well. At the Sleep Disorders website two of the twelve myths discussed there are, first, that you can “cheat” on the amount of sleep you get. It can be dangerous to both physical and mental health to do so. Second, it is a myth as well, that you can “catch up” on sleep missed. Once you miss hours of sleep, they are gone forever.
The point of this essay is not necessarily the myths themselves but how myths govern our actions. Because of their importance in our lives, it is wise to be aware of them, check them out, and be flexible in altering those that no longer serve a useful purpose.
-----
At the SharpBrains, “The Brain Fitness Authority,” website there is a condensed version of a 40-page whitepaper "11 Sharp Brains Debunk 10 Myths on the Science Behind The Nascent Brain Fitness Industry." The whitepaper features 11 in-depth interviews with leading neuroscientists, psychologists and experts in the field of cognition, conducted by Alvaro Fernandez. The 10 myths are listed, and there are brief quotes from the interviews.
“Exploding Exercise Myths” at the infoplease.com website it says, “Getting Americans off the couch and onto their feet could save an estimated 200,000 lives a year, says the surgeon general. Yet most of us are either sedentary or only minimally active. Confusion may keep many couch potatoes from getting into shape.” These are the first sentences at this website where ten myths are exploded.
-----
Copyright 2009 by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
SMOERs: Words of Wisdom
Speak when you're angry --- and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
---Anonymous
Day #37 - Control your anger, is the daily reminder in the delightful day-to-day guide, Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! (SMOERs): Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living, compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily rules and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. Available Spring 2009. Once you read just one day, you, too, will want s'more!
---Anonymous
Day #37 - Control your anger, is the daily reminder in the delightful day-to-day guide, Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! (SMOERs): Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living, compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily rules and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. Available Spring 2009. Once you read just one day, you, too, will want s'more!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
And Then Some News
Thursday’s essay, “Be aware of the myths that guide your life,” is another essay about personal development. It gives the benefits of a life without the myths, and it suggests that you become aware of the myths and adjust or change them when they are no longer true or effective.
Share your link. Have you written anything on myths? How about material on what it is that guides your life and actions? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
Be aware of the myths that guide your life
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
Myths guide your actions. As important as it is for you to exercise, follow effective nutrition guidelines, and get sufficient sleep, in many cases your attempts to do what will keep you healthy are affected by and, thus, in some cases, contravened by myths. Some of these myths are wired into you, and no matter what scientific evidence is offered, they remain anchored, fixed, and secure.
And Then Some Works - see you THURSDAY!!
Share your link. Have you written anything on myths? How about material on what it is that guides your life and actions? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
Be aware of the myths that guide your life
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
Myths guide your actions. As important as it is for you to exercise, follow effective nutrition guidelines, and get sufficient sleep, in many cases your attempts to do what will keep you healthy are affected by and, thus, in some cases, contravened by myths. Some of these myths are wired into you, and no matter what scientific evidence is offered, they remain anchored, fixed, and secure.
And Then Some Works - see you THURSDAY!!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Book Review Mondays
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: |
by Mark Bauerlein
Review by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD.
Bauerlein, a professor of English at Emory University, has written a truly superb book. Whether you agree with him or not, you will find his information interesting, insightful, and well-researched. Of course, the title is hyperbole --- exaggeration to grab attention. As a former professor myself, I saw the trend beginning as I retired, but I think Bauerlein has hit the nail on the head. And, remember, there are always exceptions to the rule. Not everyone, thank heavens, fits his descriptions. Not everyone behaves as those he characterizes. Because the new generation of young people (those under thirty, basically) is thoroughly ensconced in the digital age --- the Internet, e-mail, blogs, text messaging, interactive and ultra-realistic video games --- instead of becoming more astute, developing diversified tastes, and improving their minds, those under thirty have become...well...dumber. Depending upon exhaustive research, detailed portraits, as well as historical and social analysis, this book "presents an uncompromisingly realistic study of the young American mind" (from the jacket cover) --- and how we must address the deficiencies. This is a well-written chronicle of what's happening right now and, without a doubt, is continuing to happen on a more massive scale. Again, whether you agree with his thesis or not, it is a must read.
I accidentally wrote a second review of Bauerlein's book, and the second review offers even more information about it. Instead of editing and putting the two reviews together, I have included both in their entirety (the one above and the one below - written at different times) for your information. Besides, the book is worth two positive reviews!
You may not agree with his thesis (that cyberculture is turning us into a nation of know-nothings), but Mark Bauerlein’s book, The Dumbest Generation: How the digital age stupefies young Americans and jeopardizes our future will shock, surprise, and entertain you. His mass of evidence, studies, and examples is impressive, to say the least. Bauerlein offers all teachers and librarians wonderful support with
statements like this: “Books afford young readers a place to slow down
and reflect, to find role models, to observe their own turbulent
feelings well expressed, or to discover moral convictions missing from
their real situations” (p. 58) His explanation of the “Matthew Effect,”
“in which those who acquire reading skills in childhood read and learn
later in life at a faster pace than those who do not” is both
outstanding and essential knowledge (p, 59).
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: |
with technology “screen literacy,” then goes on to say that “screen
intelligence doesn’t transfer well to non-screen experiences, especially
the kinds that build knowledge and verbal skills” (p. 95). Continuing
with the same argument, he says screen literacy may stimulate the senses
or touch the ego, “but vocabulary doesn’t expand, memory doesn’t
improve, analytic talents don’t develop, and erudition doesn’t ensue”
(p. 109). Bauerlein explains that, “For most young users, it is clear,
the Web hasn’t made them better writers and readers, sharper
interpreters and more discerning critics, more knowledgeable citizens
and tasteful consumers” (p. 110). He even goes so far to say about the
Web universe, “They [people] don’t realize that success in popular
online youthworlds breeds incompetence in school and in the workplace”
(p. 158). With respect to jeopardizing our future, Bauerlein suggests
that when the rising generation reaches middle age, they “won’t
re-create the citizenship of its precursors, nor will its rank produce a
set of committed intellectuals ready to trade in ideas, steer public
policy, and espouse social values on the basis of learning, eloquence,
and a historical sense of human endeavor” (p. 203). I hope you get the
idea that I loved this book. It is challenging because of the ideas he
promotes and supports, but it is a book that all concerned citizens
should read. Although there are always exceptions, I think he has
outlined a genuine problem and a dangerous direction for our future.
-----
Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorks website.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Weekend Words
"Words are like money; there is nothing so useless, unless when in actual use." ---Samuel Butler
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Eliminate Every Excuse?
by Richard L. Weaver II
Don Wilder, cinematographer, says excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure. I’ve not been one to make a whole lot of excuses, but having taught college for close to 30 years one automatically hears a wide range. It seems to go with the territory. “I didn’t do well on the exam because the professor asked questions on sections we hadn’t studied,” or “She didn’t explain the material well enough,” are some typical responses when the real reason is, “I wasn’t prepared,” or “I didn’t go to class.”
Education isn’t alone in making people experts when it comes to using excuses. What it does is embed the process deeply in students’ psyches. The problem isn’t that difficult to discover; nobody wants to take responsibility for their problems or failures. Excuses are simply ploys to divert attention from themselves. Marcus Stroup clarified the problem in his quotation, “There aren’t nearly enough crutches in the world for all the lame excuses.”
People will say, “I can’t eat healthier, because I’m too busy, and I have to depend on fast foods,” or “I can’t lose weight because I can’t stand being hungry all the time,” or “I can’t exercise because I just don’t have the time.” The key to understanding all excuses is this: we make room in our lives for what we consider important. An old Yiddish proverb states, “If you don’t want to do something, one excuse is as good as another.”
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to discover the problem in our society. Things have been made too easy. Food is as close as the nearest drive-through, information arrives with a mere keystroke, music of our choice is on the iPod, a family or friend contact is on the cell phone, delicious snacks and beverages are available to suit every taste, and a wide array of amusing, entertaining, and captivating play-diversions are available to occupy any extra moment in our busy, fully-occupied, consumer-oriented lives. We are easily distracted, amused, and entertained.
When the standards are set low, there is no bar to raise; it lies below ground-level. There is no challenge, no difficulty, no strain, nor need to stretch. The flab of the fat reflects the sagging society. If things seem a bit lackluster and lifeless, check no further than many of those listless, uninspiring bodies simply occupying space.
Let’s first discuss the harm that lies in excuses. It was Benjamin Franklin who said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” According to Chuck Gallozzi in his essay, “Making Excuses,” at the website personal-development.com, there are two major harms. First, they negate responsibility, “and it is responsibility,” Gallozzi adds, “that separates man from the rest of the animal kingdom.” Second, they prevent one from succeeding. Gallozzi says, “When we make excuses and repeat them often enough, they become a belief. The belief then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Let’s reverse it and rather than discuss the harms, look at the rewards. Is it really worth it to drop the excuses? The answer is clearly, “Yes.” First, it brings all the benefits of living a life of responsibility. For example, an attitude of responsibility builds self-respect, pride, and confidence. And with these traits, too, comes competence and power. Second, it puts you in charge. You have control over your life, and you don’t have to hide behind excuses. Hiding is a weakness. When you admit your failures, you can delight and glory in your strengths. It is at these times when you realize that your success or failure depends on you — only you.
Third, and as a direct byproduct of the first two rewards, dropping the excuses will make you a better person. It could have a direct effect on your intelligence, and your actions will become deliberate and thoughtful — the actions of a responsible human being.
Fortunately, your life doesn’t need to be built on excuses. Yes, it could be argued that you need them. Donald Lawrence explains the need in an online essay at the website Helium. He noted in his essay, “Stop Making Excuses!,” “We need them to make sense of the senseless, find sanity in the insane, and a resemblance of order in chaos.” One of his most insightful comments is, “Our excuses are the walls of stone that we construct. They are our silent shields, our perfect protection.” So, the solution, obviously, is not to eliminate all excuses from our lives. Perhaps we need a wall or two or a silent shield. But, there are things we can do to limit them.
The first step in changing from a life of excuses to one of taking responsibility is to begin to have confidence in yourself and your talents. This was the first of four steps listed at the eHow website in an essay there by the eHow health editor entitled, “How to Stop Making Excuses.” Excuses make us doubt our abilities and qualifications.
The second step discussed by the eHow health editor is to seize the opportunity. The point is simply that there is no “perfect” time for anything. Make a commitment to yourself to start right now. What are you waiting for? You don’t have time? That reflects no commitment whatever. If you are afraid of failure or afraid of getting out of your comfort zone, nobody can take this step for you: make the commitment, and make it now. Take charge of your life.
The third step is to focus on your successes and learn from your failures. Sure, you’ve failed before; we all have. Life is too short to dwell on failures. The eHow health editor suggests making a list of your accomplishments for times when you can use a pep talk.
The fourth step is to be honest with yourself. Are you serious about changing your behavior? What is it that is really holding you back? Are excuses hiding something much deeper?
Always along the road to change, you must stop to examine your progress. When you compare where you are now with where you would like to be, create specific plans to change. Also, along the way, too, there will be mistakes. Accept responsibility; learn from them; don’t repeat them. Sure, excuses could be the nails used to build a house of failure, but Henry Ward Beecher offers strong motivation in his comment, “Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you, never excuse yourself.”
-----
Bryan Clark has a delightful, motivational essay entitled, “Stop producing excuses and start producing results,” that has to do with how to become wealthy online. His essay can be found at the website OneMansGoal.com. His is a short, enjoyable read if all you need is just a shot-glass full of adrenaline.
Scott H. Young has a thoughtful, short, little essay, entitled “How to stop making excuses,” on his website. Scott claims the solution to stopping the use of excuses lies in two steps: organizing your priorities, and breaking large, uncomfortable steps into manageable pieces.
-----
Copyright 2009 by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Don Wilder, cinematographer, says excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure. I’ve not been one to make a whole lot of excuses, but having taught college for close to 30 years one automatically hears a wide range. It seems to go with the territory. “I didn’t do well on the exam because the professor asked questions on sections we hadn’t studied,” or “She didn’t explain the material well enough,” are some typical responses when the real reason is, “I wasn’t prepared,” or “I didn’t go to class.”
Education isn’t alone in making people experts when it comes to using excuses. What it does is embed the process deeply in students’ psyches. The problem isn’t that difficult to discover; nobody wants to take responsibility for their problems or failures. Excuses are simply ploys to divert attention from themselves. Marcus Stroup clarified the problem in his quotation, “There aren’t nearly enough crutches in the world for all the lame excuses.”
People will say, “I can’t eat healthier, because I’m too busy, and I have to depend on fast foods,” or “I can’t lose weight because I can’t stand being hungry all the time,” or “I can’t exercise because I just don’t have the time.” The key to understanding all excuses is this: we make room in our lives for what we consider important. An old Yiddish proverb states, “If you don’t want to do something, one excuse is as good as another.”
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to discover the problem in our society. Things have been made too easy. Food is as close as the nearest drive-through, information arrives with a mere keystroke, music of our choice is on the iPod, a family or friend contact is on the cell phone, delicious snacks and beverages are available to suit every taste, and a wide array of amusing, entertaining, and captivating play-diversions are available to occupy any extra moment in our busy, fully-occupied, consumer-oriented lives. We are easily distracted, amused, and entertained.
When the standards are set low, there is no bar to raise; it lies below ground-level. There is no challenge, no difficulty, no strain, nor need to stretch. The flab of the fat reflects the sagging society. If things seem a bit lackluster and lifeless, check no further than many of those listless, uninspiring bodies simply occupying space.
Let’s first discuss the harm that lies in excuses. It was Benjamin Franklin who said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” According to Chuck Gallozzi in his essay, “Making Excuses,” at the website personal-development.com, there are two major harms. First, they negate responsibility, “and it is responsibility,” Gallozzi adds, “that separates man from the rest of the animal kingdom.” Second, they prevent one from succeeding. Gallozzi says, “When we make excuses and repeat them often enough, they become a belief. The belief then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Let’s reverse it and rather than discuss the harms, look at the rewards. Is it really worth it to drop the excuses? The answer is clearly, “Yes.” First, it brings all the benefits of living a life of responsibility. For example, an attitude of responsibility builds self-respect, pride, and confidence. And with these traits, too, comes competence and power. Second, it puts you in charge. You have control over your life, and you don’t have to hide behind excuses. Hiding is a weakness. When you admit your failures, you can delight and glory in your strengths. It is at these times when you realize that your success or failure depends on you — only you.
Third, and as a direct byproduct of the first two rewards, dropping the excuses will make you a better person. It could have a direct effect on your intelligence, and your actions will become deliberate and thoughtful — the actions of a responsible human being.
Fortunately, your life doesn’t need to be built on excuses. Yes, it could be argued that you need them. Donald Lawrence explains the need in an online essay at the website Helium. He noted in his essay, “Stop Making Excuses!,” “We need them to make sense of the senseless, find sanity in the insane, and a resemblance of order in chaos.” One of his most insightful comments is, “Our excuses are the walls of stone that we construct. They are our silent shields, our perfect protection.” So, the solution, obviously, is not to eliminate all excuses from our lives. Perhaps we need a wall or two or a silent shield. But, there are things we can do to limit them.
The first step in changing from a life of excuses to one of taking responsibility is to begin to have confidence in yourself and your talents. This was the first of four steps listed at the eHow website in an essay there by the eHow health editor entitled, “How to Stop Making Excuses.” Excuses make us doubt our abilities and qualifications.
The second step discussed by the eHow health editor is to seize the opportunity. The point is simply that there is no “perfect” time for anything. Make a commitment to yourself to start right now. What are you waiting for? You don’t have time? That reflects no commitment whatever. If you are afraid of failure or afraid of getting out of your comfort zone, nobody can take this step for you: make the commitment, and make it now. Take charge of your life.
The third step is to focus on your successes and learn from your failures. Sure, you’ve failed before; we all have. Life is too short to dwell on failures. The eHow health editor suggests making a list of your accomplishments for times when you can use a pep talk.
The fourth step is to be honest with yourself. Are you serious about changing your behavior? What is it that is really holding you back? Are excuses hiding something much deeper?
Always along the road to change, you must stop to examine your progress. When you compare where you are now with where you would like to be, create specific plans to change. Also, along the way, too, there will be mistakes. Accept responsibility; learn from them; don’t repeat them. Sure, excuses could be the nails used to build a house of failure, but Henry Ward Beecher offers strong motivation in his comment, “Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you, never excuse yourself.”
-----
Bryan Clark has a delightful, motivational essay entitled, “Stop producing excuses and start producing results,” that has to do with how to become wealthy online. His essay can be found at the website OneMansGoal.com. His is a short, enjoyable read if all you need is just a shot-glass full of adrenaline.
Scott H. Young has a thoughtful, short, little essay, entitled “How to stop making excuses,” on his website. Scott claims the solution to stopping the use of excuses lies in two steps: organizing your priorities, and breaking large, uncomfortable steps into manageable pieces.
-----
Copyright 2009 by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
SMOERs: Words of Wisdom
A good conversationalist is not one who remembers what was said, but says what someone wants to remember.
---John Mason Brown
Day #36 - Be a good conversationalist, is the daily reminder in the delightful day-to-day guide, Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! (SMOERs): Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living, compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. Available Spring 2009. Once you read just one day, you, too, will want s'more!
---John Mason Brown
Day #36 - Be a good conversationalist, is the daily reminder in the delightful day-to-day guide, Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! (SMOERs): Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living, compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. Available Spring 2009. Once you read just one day, you, too, will want s'more!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
And Then Some News
We have a new feature now taking place on Mondays. It is called "Book Review Mondays," and it will include the review of a book by one of And Then Some Publishing's family of authors. If you miss a review or you want to re-read a previously published review, you can check out BookWorks, a page that is attached to each of And Then Some's family of websites. If you're a reader, you'll love our new feature. If you're not a reader, perhaps our new feature will encourage you. It's "Book Review Mondays," and it is available every week. You should be excited.
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Just another reminder: Wednesday's are the day for SMOERs. Yep, it's that delicious treat of graham crackers, a scrumptious marshmallow, and melting, oozing chocolate that delights the palate and captivates the senses. SMOERs supplies a words-of-wisdom-treat every week that you can sink your teeth into and enjoy every charming and delectable morsel. If you want s'more (more than a weekly treat), then keep reading....
These weekly, mouthwatering treats come from our upcoming book, SMOERs - your day-to-day motivational guide. The full title of SMOERs is: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules!: Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living. It is compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. Available Spring 2009. After reading just one day of SMOERs we know you will want s'more!
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Thursday’s essay, “Eliminate every excuse?,” is an essay about personal development. It gives the benefits of a life without excuses, and it offers specific suggestions for eliminating them from our lives.
Share your link. Have you written anything on eliminating excuses? How about material on what it takes to give up habits (like making excuses)? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
Eliminate every excuse?
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
Always along the road to change, you must stop to examine your progress. When you compare where you are now with where you would like to be, create specific plans to change. Also, along the way, too, there will be mistakes. Accept responsibility; learn from them; don’t repeat them. Sure, excuses could be the nails used to build a house of failure, but Henry Ward Beecher offers strong motivation in his comment, “Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you, never excuse yourself.”
And Then Some Works - see you THURSDAY!!
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Just another reminder: Wednesday's are the day for SMOERs. Yep, it's that delicious treat of graham crackers, a scrumptious marshmallow, and melting, oozing chocolate that delights the palate and captivates the senses. SMOERs supplies a words-of-wisdom-treat every week that you can sink your teeth into and enjoy every charming and delectable morsel. If you want s'more (more than a weekly treat), then keep reading....
These weekly, mouthwatering treats come from our upcoming book, SMOERs - your day-to-day motivational guide. The full title of SMOERs is: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules!: Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living. It is compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. Available Spring 2009. After reading just one day of SMOERs we know you will want s'more!
-----
Thursday’s essay, “Eliminate every excuse?,” is an essay about personal development. It gives the benefits of a life without excuses, and it offers specific suggestions for eliminating them from our lives.
Share your link. Have you written anything on eliminating excuses? How about material on what it takes to give up habits (like making excuses)? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
Eliminate every excuse?
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
Always along the road to change, you must stop to examine your progress. When you compare where you are now with where you would like to be, create specific plans to change. Also, along the way, too, there will be mistakes. Accept responsibility; learn from them; don’t repeat them. Sure, excuses could be the nails used to build a house of failure, but Henry Ward Beecher offers strong motivation in his comment, “Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you, never excuse yourself.”
And Then Some Works - see you THURSDAY!!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Book Review Mondays
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: |
by Brooks Jackson and Kathleen Hall Jamieson
Review by Richard L. Weaver II, PhD.
"Without a doubt, this is one of the most valuable books of our day because 'we live in a world of spin'" (the first line of the book). In just under 200 pages, the authors offer readers the warning signs of spin, hype, and bogus news (e.g., "if it's scary, be wary," "a story that's too good," "the dangling comparative," "the superlatives swindle," "the 'pay you Tuesday' con," "the blame game," and "glittering generalities"), common tricks used to deceive us (e.g., "misnomers," "weasel words," "eye candy," "the 'average bear," "the baseline bluff," "the literally true falsehood," and "the implied falsehood"), how to find the best evidence, and nine rules that help answer the question, "How do we know?" (e.g., "you can't be completely certain," "you can be certain enough," "look for general agreement among experts," "check primary sources," "know what counts," "know who's talking," "seeing shouldn't necessarily be believing," "cross-check everything that matters," and "be skeptical, but not cynical") What their book boils down to (supported with excellent, captivating examples) is stated forthrightly on page 149: "When confronted with a claim, keep an open mind, ask questions, cross-check, look for the best information, and then weigh the evidence." If you read just one book in the next year, this would be a good choice. It is excellent and well written.
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Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorks website.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Weekend Words
This is a new feature from andthensomeworks.com. Every Friday we'll have a short quotation that will challenge you, make you think, or just bring some enjoyment for the weekend that follows. Enjoy!
"Fumbling for a word is everybody's birthright." ---Anthony Burgess
"Fumbling for a word is everybody's birthright." ---Anthony Burgess
Thursday, February 12, 2009
The message relationship partners don't want to hear
by Richard L. Weaver II
One area of relationships those who are just starting out either don’t realize, don’t understand, or simply don’t know is what a “commitment” to a relationship means. When the impact of these messages register — and when their true meaning comes to light — it is easy to understand why about half of the marriages that take place don’t last.
The first and most important message is the one most misunderstood. Relationships are not fifty-fifty. That is, often the understanding is that if each partner gives fifty per cent of his or her time and effort to the relationship, the relationship will thrive. This message is wrong on two counts. First, it is unlikely that either partner can truly give fifty percent of his or her time to the relationship. Given the demands of work, family, friends, hobbies, and personal time, there is seldom fifty percent of a person’s time left.
The second reason why this fifty-fifty division doesn’t work is the question: who decides what fifty per cent of a commitment is or what it looks like? Who determines this? One partner, for example, might feel he or she is devoting an extraordinary amount of time and effort to the relationship, and the other partner may see that commitment as something considerably less than fifty-fifty.
There is, however, a far more important reason why the fifty-fifty split doesn’t work. Think about it, if each partner could and would deliver fifty-percent of his or her time to the relationship, things might — with an emphasis on “might” — work. The problem is that because commitments notoriously fall short of expectations, both ours and those of our partners — the relationship will suffer. When one partner is giving more to it than the other, it creates room for discontent to creep in: “Why am I the only one who cares about this relationship? Why am I the only one who is committed day-and-night to making it work?”
The fifty-fifty message provides the outline for a number of other related messages that relationship partners don’t want to hear. For example, some may feel that a fifty-fifty commitment far exceeds anything he or she can even give. The relationship is established, and it is fundamental, it is true. But now that it is formed, I can devote my time, effort, and money to my job.
The problem with this approach is simple. For a relationship to be a success, it takes work, time, and effort — by both partners. It doesn’t continue automatically. It’s as if some believe that the marriage ceremony shifts the relationship onto autopilot. “An autopilot,” according to Wikipedia, “ is a mechanical, electrical, or hydraulic system used to guide a vehicle without assistance from a human being.” When you remove the “human being” from the relationship, there is no relationship at all.
The fifty-fifty message gives rise to another related message, too. Relationships require communication. Sure, communication is important to learn about the other person, share ideas, resolve difficulties, and solve problems. But, even more important, communication is essential to plotting changes in the relationship. Relationships are not steadfast, unwavering, and permanent fixtures like pictures of the couple hanging on a wall. People change, and their views of their relationship partner, and even the relationship as a whole, change over time. Sometimes the changes are long in developing; sometimes they occur in an instant. However they occur, they are important and need to be discussed.
You don’t establish clear, open lines of communication only when a partner perceives that communication may be necessary. When lines of communication are always open, when they are always available, and when communication is always a natural, comfortable, and ongoing characteristic of the relationship, changes in the relationship can be noted and discussed.
Often, when partners are drawn together by great sex or by the passions of the moment, relationships don’t last. Anyone who is part of a long-standing relationship — one that has existed for some time — will tell you that the “great sex” or even “passion” are fleeting things and not the foundation upon which strong relationships are built.
What are the essentials that make up the foundation upon which solid, durable relationships are built? Relationship partners need to focus on being a couple. This is a special and unique thing — the relationship — and partners in such relationships must want to spend time with each other. One reason for that is that the partners share common values, interests, and goals. Who better might they want to spend time with?
A second major and important characteristic is that partners in successful relationships share power equally. One partner never dominates the other. There must always be true give-and-take between partners whether it is resolving problems, making decisions, or simply discussing issues. This should not be a facade of equality; it must be the real thing, and it must be supported on a continuing basis by gestures of respect, support, and caring.
A third major component of effective relationships is the ability to resolve conflicts in healthy ways. What does that mean? Neither partner should deny or suppress differences nor belittle, disparage, or run down the other. Conflicts and problems need to be negotiated in such a way that win-win solutions can be discovered in honest and straightforward ways.
The fourth characteristic is trust. A lack of trust can undermine the very best of intentions. It is the central pillar that supports any successful relationship. Jenn Malko, in her online article, “Building trust in relationships,” at the web site, www.cupidsreviews.com
writes, “Trust requires that you listen to each other and communicate your needs. Trust requires honesty above all else. Once you’ve built trust, you’ve done something magical, and you should do everything in your power to keep it if you plan on maintaining your relationship.”
The essential message is that relationships are not fifty-fifty, and if you enter a relationship thinking this is how it will work, your relationship is likely doomed to failure. But there are clear avenues for positive change and development: 1) focus on being a couple, 2) share power equally, 3) resolve conflicts in healthy ways, and 4) above all, reveal trust. If you form a relationship and you truly want it to last, plan to give it the work, time, and effort it deserves — even if it is one-hundred percent of what you have!
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At the web site, Psych Central, Charleen Alderfer has an excellent essay entitled, “Making relationships work,” in which she discusses how to lay a solid foundation. Her eight suggestions for reflection and growth will provide the fodder for some wonderful discussions.
In an article, “The 3 essentials for building successful relationships,” Alicia Fortinberry discusses rules, roles, and rituals. This is an interesting essay full of insight and useful perspectives.
-----
Copyright 2009 by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
One area of relationships those who are just starting out either don’t realize, don’t understand, or simply don’t know is what a “commitment” to a relationship means. When the impact of these messages register — and when their true meaning comes to light — it is easy to understand why about half of the marriages that take place don’t last.
The first and most important message is the one most misunderstood. Relationships are not fifty-fifty. That is, often the understanding is that if each partner gives fifty per cent of his or her time and effort to the relationship, the relationship will thrive. This message is wrong on two counts. First, it is unlikely that either partner can truly give fifty percent of his or her time to the relationship. Given the demands of work, family, friends, hobbies, and personal time, there is seldom fifty percent of a person’s time left.
The second reason why this fifty-fifty division doesn’t work is the question: who decides what fifty per cent of a commitment is or what it looks like? Who determines this? One partner, for example, might feel he or she is devoting an extraordinary amount of time and effort to the relationship, and the other partner may see that commitment as something considerably less than fifty-fifty.
There is, however, a far more important reason why the fifty-fifty split doesn’t work. Think about it, if each partner could and would deliver fifty-percent of his or her time to the relationship, things might — with an emphasis on “might” — work. The problem is that because commitments notoriously fall short of expectations, both ours and those of our partners — the relationship will suffer. When one partner is giving more to it than the other, it creates room for discontent to creep in: “Why am I the only one who cares about this relationship? Why am I the only one who is committed day-and-night to making it work?”
The fifty-fifty message provides the outline for a number of other related messages that relationship partners don’t want to hear. For example, some may feel that a fifty-fifty commitment far exceeds anything he or she can even give. The relationship is established, and it is fundamental, it is true. But now that it is formed, I can devote my time, effort, and money to my job.
The problem with this approach is simple. For a relationship to be a success, it takes work, time, and effort — by both partners. It doesn’t continue automatically. It’s as if some believe that the marriage ceremony shifts the relationship onto autopilot. “An autopilot,” according to Wikipedia, “ is a mechanical, electrical, or hydraulic system used to guide a vehicle without assistance from a human being.” When you remove the “human being” from the relationship, there is no relationship at all.
The fifty-fifty message gives rise to another related message, too. Relationships require communication. Sure, communication is important to learn about the other person, share ideas, resolve difficulties, and solve problems. But, even more important, communication is essential to plotting changes in the relationship. Relationships are not steadfast, unwavering, and permanent fixtures like pictures of the couple hanging on a wall. People change, and their views of their relationship partner, and even the relationship as a whole, change over time. Sometimes the changes are long in developing; sometimes they occur in an instant. However they occur, they are important and need to be discussed.
You don’t establish clear, open lines of communication only when a partner perceives that communication may be necessary. When lines of communication are always open, when they are always available, and when communication is always a natural, comfortable, and ongoing characteristic of the relationship, changes in the relationship can be noted and discussed.
Often, when partners are drawn together by great sex or by the passions of the moment, relationships don’t last. Anyone who is part of a long-standing relationship — one that has existed for some time — will tell you that the “great sex” or even “passion” are fleeting things and not the foundation upon which strong relationships are built.
What are the essentials that make up the foundation upon which solid, durable relationships are built? Relationship partners need to focus on being a couple. This is a special and unique thing — the relationship — and partners in such relationships must want to spend time with each other. One reason for that is that the partners share common values, interests, and goals. Who better might they want to spend time with?
A second major and important characteristic is that partners in successful relationships share power equally. One partner never dominates the other. There must always be true give-and-take between partners whether it is resolving problems, making decisions, or simply discussing issues. This should not be a facade of equality; it must be the real thing, and it must be supported on a continuing basis by gestures of respect, support, and caring.
A third major component of effective relationships is the ability to resolve conflicts in healthy ways. What does that mean? Neither partner should deny or suppress differences nor belittle, disparage, or run down the other. Conflicts and problems need to be negotiated in such a way that win-win solutions can be discovered in honest and straightforward ways.
The fourth characteristic is trust. A lack of trust can undermine the very best of intentions. It is the central pillar that supports any successful relationship. Jenn Malko, in her online article, “Building trust in relationships,” at the web site, www.cupidsreviews.com
writes, “Trust requires that you listen to each other and communicate your needs. Trust requires honesty above all else. Once you’ve built trust, you’ve done something magical, and you should do everything in your power to keep it if you plan on maintaining your relationship.”
The essential message is that relationships are not fifty-fifty, and if you enter a relationship thinking this is how it will work, your relationship is likely doomed to failure. But there are clear avenues for positive change and development: 1) focus on being a couple, 2) share power equally, 3) resolve conflicts in healthy ways, and 4) above all, reveal trust. If you form a relationship and you truly want it to last, plan to give it the work, time, and effort it deserves — even if it is one-hundred percent of what you have!
-----
At the web site, Psych Central, Charleen Alderfer has an excellent essay entitled, “Making relationships work,” in which she discusses how to lay a solid foundation. Her eight suggestions for reflection and growth will provide the fodder for some wonderful discussions.
In an article, “The 3 essentials for building successful relationships,” Alicia Fortinberry discusses rules, roles, and rituals. This is an interesting essay full of insight and useful perspectives.
-----
Copyright 2009 by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
SMOERs: Words of Wisdom
Silence is one of the hardest things to refute.
---Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Day #35 - Avoid arguments, is the daily reminder in the delightful day-to-day guide, Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! (SMOERs): Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living, compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. Available Spring 2009. Once you read just one day, you, too, will want s'more!
---Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
Day #35 - Avoid arguments, is the daily reminder in the delightful day-to-day guide, Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! (SMOERs): Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living, compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. Available Spring 2009. Once you read just one day, you, too, will want s'more!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
And Then Some News
We have two new features beginning soon. One will begin this week, and one will begin next week. On Friday, February 13th, and continuing through the rest of this year, the first new feature is called "Weekend Words," and it will simply be a brief quotation about words and their effects. These quotations are designed to give you something to think about over the weekend. They may be stimulating and provocative, or they may be delightful and enjoyable. Your choice! Enjoy.
The second feature begins next week. On Monday, we start a new feature called "Book Review Mondays," and it will include the review of a book (or books) by one of And Then Some Publishing's family of authors. If you miss a review or you want to re-read a previously published review, you can check out BookWorks. If you're a reader, you'll love our new feature. If you're not a reader, perhaps our new feature will encourage you. It's "Book Review Mondays," and it begins next week --- Monday, February 16th! Aren't you excited?
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Don't forget Wednesday's are the day for SMOERs. Quotes from our upcoming book SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules!: Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living compliled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. Available Spring 2009. After reading just one day of SMOERs we know you will want s'more!
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Thursday’s essay, “The message relationship partners don’t want to hear,” is an essay about relationships designed to “celebrate” Valentine’s Day — just four days from now. It is not designed to be uplifting as much as it is to be practical and realistic. (This is an essay females may want to have their male partners read before making any kind of permanent connection! Those already in committed relationships may want to re-read it (both partners!) for accuracy as well as for application. Read the essay and discover: this is what long-lasting relationships are made of!)
Share your link. Have you written anything on relationships? How about material on what it takes for relationships to work? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
The message relationship partners don't want to hear
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
The essential message is that relationships are not fifty-fifty, and if you enter a relationship thinking this is how it will work, your relationship is likely doomed to failure. But there are clear avenues for positive change and development: 1) focus on being a couple, 2) share power equally, 3) resolve conflicts in healthy ways, and 4) above all, reveal trust. If you form a relationship and you truly want it to last, plan to give it the work, time, and effort it deserves — even if it is one-hundred percent of what you have!
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And Then Some Works!
The second feature begins next week. On Monday, we start a new feature called "Book Review Mondays," and it will include the review of a book (or books) by one of And Then Some Publishing's family of authors. If you miss a review or you want to re-read a previously published review, you can check out BookWorks. If you're a reader, you'll love our new feature. If you're not a reader, perhaps our new feature will encourage you. It's "Book Review Mondays," and it begins next week --- Monday, February 16th! Aren't you excited?
-----
Don't forget Wednesday's are the day for SMOERs. Quotes from our upcoming book SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules!: Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living compliled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. Available Spring 2009. After reading just one day of SMOERs we know you will want s'more!
-----
Thursday’s essay, “The message relationship partners don’t want to hear,” is an essay about relationships designed to “celebrate” Valentine’s Day — just four days from now. It is not designed to be uplifting as much as it is to be practical and realistic. (This is an essay females may want to have their male partners read before making any kind of permanent connection! Those already in committed relationships may want to re-read it (both partners!) for accuracy as well as for application. Read the essay and discover: this is what long-lasting relationships are made of!)
Share your link. Have you written anything on relationships? How about material on what it takes for relationships to work? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
The message relationship partners don't want to hear
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
The essential message is that relationships are not fifty-fifty, and if you enter a relationship thinking this is how it will work, your relationship is likely doomed to failure. But there are clear avenues for positive change and development: 1) focus on being a couple, 2) share power equally, 3) resolve conflicts in healthy ways, and 4) above all, reveal trust. If you form a relationship and you truly want it to last, plan to give it the work, time, and effort it deserves — even if it is one-hundred percent of what you have!
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And Then Some Works!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
The "feel good" pattern
by Richard L. Weaver II
You hear about the “feel good” pattern, and you read about it over and over again — although it is seldom labeled. Here, Michael Kinsley writes about it in the final Time essay (August 11, 2008), “[Bill] Gates founded Microsoft and ran it with legendary single-mindedness for three decades. There was not a lot of energy devoted to lifting up the world’s poor. Now, having squeezed every drop out of capitalism, he is going to devote almost all his time and fortune to improving the state of the world. Even the skeptics tend to agree that the results of that redirected single-mindedness could be awesome” (p. 68).
I was talking with a friend of mine who is an environmentalist and works for a company in Texas that is concentrating on protecting some of the fish in the Gulf of Mexico — at least in that body of water that touches the eastern portion of that state. He said that it takes the cooperation of a wide variety of entities, and the goal of the corporation for which he works is to try to bring all those entities — government as well as businesses — together. But the key, he said, is getting businesses to a point where they want to become good stewards of the environment.
One aspect or arm of his corporation is to help businesses become healthy, i.e., financially stable, because only when a company achieves that status (the “feel good” pattern) does it have any interest in environmental concerns.
What I’m suggesting in this essay is that this is a universal pattern — I’ve often referred to it as “life’s template” — that applies in a wide variety of circumstances. If you look at Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs the “feel good” pattern is well illustrated. If you recall, at the bottom of his pyramid are physiological needs, and if our basic need for food, water, sleep, and physical comfort are not satisfied, needs that appear higher in the pyramid are unlikely to be filled. The next step includes safety needs, and those include stability, our freedom from violence and disease, as well as our security. This, too, includes our need for structure and order and, to create and maintain that structure and order, law.
Belongingness and love needs, at the next step, include our need for friendship, love, and affection, and at the step next to the top of Maslow’s pyramid, self-esteem needs include our need for recognition, respect from others, as well as self-respect.
The point of this essay is that the true “feel good” needs occur at the very top of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. They are self-actualization needs, and they include genuine fulfillment and the realization of your potential. You only reach that level — that true “feel good” plane — once the needs below are satisfied. It isn’t that you can’t feel good before achieving the top level; it is, indeed, that the ultimate “feel good” attitude or orientation is obtained after the lower needs in the hierarchy are filled — then, through self-actualization.
You can see the “feel good” pattern revealed, too, in the relationship between self-development and relationships. I have taught for years that “you need to get your own house in order before inviting anyone over.” What that means is simply, you need to engage in some serious self-concept construction before deciding to take on a relationship — especially a serious one. When you have problems with self-confidence, assertiveness, self-reliance or with your own identity, character, and state of mind, it is no time to bring a serious relationship partner into your life. There are enough problems when two people are working with each other, trying to develop or sustain a relationship, and solving conflicts and resolving difficulties, that adding to those circumstances the weak or deficient ego of one of the partners doesn’t just complicate things, it has the potential of destroying everything! It is like adding a foreign ingredient, like cement, to a cake recipe. You may not notice it immediately, but the cake is destroyed.
It applies, as well, to charitable giving. Only when individuals have enough money to sustain their own individual or family needs, can they begin to think about giving money, or volunteering their time, for charities.
In state budgeting, as another clear example, the expense of maintaining the infrastructure is often an “add on” expense that is only carried out when all other “essential” budgeting expenses are covered. When the state “feels good,” then the infrastructure (roads, highways, bridges, and state buildings) of the government can be repaired and maintained. That goes for every level of government, of course.
As I heard several pundits describing the situation regarding business on television, it is too bad, they concluded, that our thinking has to be this way. It is too bad that we cannot begin to think of others first before thinking of ourselves. And they are certainly correct. This is the way life should be. But, there are so many shoulds out there, you could even think of life as the “tyranny of the shoulds.” as German psychoanalyst Karen Horney described it. For example, we know we should be attractive, outgoing, sociable, and self-disciplined because these are reinforced by our parents, family, friends, the media, and society as a whole.
There are many other shoulds, of course, and they include being friendly, supportive of others, and altruistic as well. The problem with any set of shoulds occurs when they become absolute, inflexible rules. That puts an enormous amount of pressure on us, and when we don’t live up to them — the shoulds in our lives — it can make us feel very bad.
Certainly, feeling bad can occur at any point when the “feel good” pattern remains unaccomplished. Notice how it almost always seems to take place once something else has transpired — so clearly demonstrated in Maslow’s Hierarchy. Some might even say that what goes before is a prerequisite for any “feel good” pattern to emerge. And it may be that for many people it never reveals itself for a number of reasons. The first may be that there was no prerequisite in place, but I’m sure many people exist comfortably without ever exhibiting or experiencing the “feel good” level. Some, too, never strive to attain that level; it doesn’t happen automatically, and if there is no interest, effort, or motivation, it is unlikely to take place.
The “feel good” pattern appears to be universal. Although in some cases it may not be the best result, actions often become easier to understand when you know what is going on. It is a pattern worth noticing and applying because it is so important, and it seems to work no matter what agency is involved — whether it is government, business, individuals, or relationships.
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At “Ground Rules for Living.” there are 14 great rules (such as “Keep your word,” “Let go of all upsets,” and “Have your life be about more than you. Serve!”) which, if everyone followed, we would have a much better society — and a bunch of superior individuals, too! Talk about templates!
At “Golden Rules for Living” there are more than 50 “rules” discussed including “Know thyself,” “Life is what you make it,” and “Knowledge is power.” Sure, all of these have been written about previously, but not one of us can afford not to review them occasionally. Sometimes it’s a reminder that prompts new action.
There is a great, short essay on “The tyranny of shoulds, oughts and musts," where, after a number of shoulds, oughts, and musts are discussed, there are six specific methods for “dealing with these tyrants."
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Copyright 2009 by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
You hear about the “feel good” pattern, and you read about it over and over again — although it is seldom labeled. Here, Michael Kinsley writes about it in the final Time essay (August 11, 2008), “[Bill] Gates founded Microsoft and ran it with legendary single-mindedness for three decades. There was not a lot of energy devoted to lifting up the world’s poor. Now, having squeezed every drop out of capitalism, he is going to devote almost all his time and fortune to improving the state of the world. Even the skeptics tend to agree that the results of that redirected single-mindedness could be awesome” (p. 68).
I was talking with a friend of mine who is an environmentalist and works for a company in Texas that is concentrating on protecting some of the fish in the Gulf of Mexico — at least in that body of water that touches the eastern portion of that state. He said that it takes the cooperation of a wide variety of entities, and the goal of the corporation for which he works is to try to bring all those entities — government as well as businesses — together. But the key, he said, is getting businesses to a point where they want to become good stewards of the environment.
One aspect or arm of his corporation is to help businesses become healthy, i.e., financially stable, because only when a company achieves that status (the “feel good” pattern) does it have any interest in environmental concerns.
What I’m suggesting in this essay is that this is a universal pattern — I’ve often referred to it as “life’s template” — that applies in a wide variety of circumstances. If you look at Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs the “feel good” pattern is well illustrated. If you recall, at the bottom of his pyramid are physiological needs, and if our basic need for food, water, sleep, and physical comfort are not satisfied, needs that appear higher in the pyramid are unlikely to be filled. The next step includes safety needs, and those include stability, our freedom from violence and disease, as well as our security. This, too, includes our need for structure and order and, to create and maintain that structure and order, law.
Belongingness and love needs, at the next step, include our need for friendship, love, and affection, and at the step next to the top of Maslow’s pyramid, self-esteem needs include our need for recognition, respect from others, as well as self-respect.
The point of this essay is that the true “feel good” needs occur at the very top of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. They are self-actualization needs, and they include genuine fulfillment and the realization of your potential. You only reach that level — that true “feel good” plane — once the needs below are satisfied. It isn’t that you can’t feel good before achieving the top level; it is, indeed, that the ultimate “feel good” attitude or orientation is obtained after the lower needs in the hierarchy are filled — then, through self-actualization.
You can see the “feel good” pattern revealed, too, in the relationship between self-development and relationships. I have taught for years that “you need to get your own house in order before inviting anyone over.” What that means is simply, you need to engage in some serious self-concept construction before deciding to take on a relationship — especially a serious one. When you have problems with self-confidence, assertiveness, self-reliance or with your own identity, character, and state of mind, it is no time to bring a serious relationship partner into your life. There are enough problems when two people are working with each other, trying to develop or sustain a relationship, and solving conflicts and resolving difficulties, that adding to those circumstances the weak or deficient ego of one of the partners doesn’t just complicate things, it has the potential of destroying everything! It is like adding a foreign ingredient, like cement, to a cake recipe. You may not notice it immediately, but the cake is destroyed.
It applies, as well, to charitable giving. Only when individuals have enough money to sustain their own individual or family needs, can they begin to think about giving money, or volunteering their time, for charities.
In state budgeting, as another clear example, the expense of maintaining the infrastructure is often an “add on” expense that is only carried out when all other “essential” budgeting expenses are covered. When the state “feels good,” then the infrastructure (roads, highways, bridges, and state buildings) of the government can be repaired and maintained. That goes for every level of government, of course.
As I heard several pundits describing the situation regarding business on television, it is too bad, they concluded, that our thinking has to be this way. It is too bad that we cannot begin to think of others first before thinking of ourselves. And they are certainly correct. This is the way life should be. But, there are so many shoulds out there, you could even think of life as the “tyranny of the shoulds.” as German psychoanalyst Karen Horney described it. For example, we know we should be attractive, outgoing, sociable, and self-disciplined because these are reinforced by our parents, family, friends, the media, and society as a whole.
There are many other shoulds, of course, and they include being friendly, supportive of others, and altruistic as well. The problem with any set of shoulds occurs when they become absolute, inflexible rules. That puts an enormous amount of pressure on us, and when we don’t live up to them — the shoulds in our lives — it can make us feel very bad.
Certainly, feeling bad can occur at any point when the “feel good” pattern remains unaccomplished. Notice how it almost always seems to take place once something else has transpired — so clearly demonstrated in Maslow’s Hierarchy. Some might even say that what goes before is a prerequisite for any “feel good” pattern to emerge. And it may be that for many people it never reveals itself for a number of reasons. The first may be that there was no prerequisite in place, but I’m sure many people exist comfortably without ever exhibiting or experiencing the “feel good” level. Some, too, never strive to attain that level; it doesn’t happen automatically, and if there is no interest, effort, or motivation, it is unlikely to take place.
The “feel good” pattern appears to be universal. Although in some cases it may not be the best result, actions often become easier to understand when you know what is going on. It is a pattern worth noticing and applying because it is so important, and it seems to work no matter what agency is involved — whether it is government, business, individuals, or relationships.
-----
At “Ground Rules for Living.” there are 14 great rules (such as “Keep your word,” “Let go of all upsets,” and “Have your life be about more than you. Serve!”) which, if everyone followed, we would have a much better society — and a bunch of superior individuals, too! Talk about templates!
At “Golden Rules for Living” there are more than 50 “rules” discussed including “Know thyself,” “Life is what you make it,” and “Knowledge is power.” Sure, all of these have been written about previously, but not one of us can afford not to review them occasionally. Sometimes it’s a reminder that prompts new action.
There is a great, short essay on “The tyranny of shoulds, oughts and musts," where, after a number of shoulds, oughts, and musts are discussed, there are six specific methods for “dealing with these tyrants."
-----
Copyright 2009 by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
SMOERs: Words of Wisdom
The great law of culture is: Let each become all that he [or she] was created capable of being.
---Thomas Carlyle
Day #33 - Use all of your talent, is the daily reminder in the delightful day-to-day guide, Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! (SMOERs): Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living, compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. Available Spring 2009. Once you read just one day, you, too, will want s'more!
---Thomas Carlyle
Day #33 - Use all of your talent, is the daily reminder in the delightful day-to-day guide, Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! (SMOERs): Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living, compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. Available Spring 2009. Once you read just one day, you, too, will want s'more!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
And Then Some News
Just a reminder: Wednesday's are the day for SMOERs. Yep, it's that delicious treat of graham crackers, a scrumptious marshmallow, and melting, oozing chocolate that delights the palate and captivates the senses. SMOERs supplies a words-of-wisdom-treat every week that you can sink your teeth into and enjoy every charming and delectable morsel. If you want s'more (more than a weekly treat), then keep reading....
These weekly, mouthwatering treats come from our upcoming book, SMOERs - your day-to-day motivational guide. The full title of SMOERs is: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules!: Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living. It is compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. Available Spring 2009. After reading just one day of SMOERs we know you will want s'more!
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Thursday’s essay, “The ‘feel good’ pattern,” is about a template that can often be found in life, and knowing that it exists, allows you to better understand why people or organizations do what they do.
Share your link. Have you written anything on life’s templates? How about material on a “feel good” pattern you have discovered? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
The "feel good" pattern
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
The “feel good” pattern appears to be universal. Although in some cases it may not be the best result, actions often become easier to understand when you know what is going on. It is a pattern worth noticing and applying because it is so important, and it seems to work no matter what agency is involved — whether it is government, business, individuals, or relationships.
And Then Some Works - see you THURSDAY!!
These weekly, mouthwatering treats come from our upcoming book, SMOERs - your day-to-day motivational guide. The full title of SMOERs is: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules!: Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living. It is compiled by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D. There are 365 daily reminders and over 1600 quotations for the boost you need to brighten your day - every day - and uplift your spirits. Available Spring 2009. After reading just one day of SMOERs we know you will want s'more!
-----
Thursday’s essay, “The ‘feel good’ pattern,” is about a template that can often be found in life, and knowing that it exists, allows you to better understand why people or organizations do what they do.
Share your link. Have you written anything on life’s templates? How about material on a “feel good” pattern you have discovered? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Click here to LINK your And Then Some story
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview
The "feel good" pattern
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
The “feel good” pattern appears to be universal. Although in some cases it may not be the best result, actions often become easier to understand when you know what is going on. It is a pattern worth noticing and applying because it is so important, and it seems to work no matter what agency is involved — whether it is government, business, individuals, or relationships.
And Then Some Works - see you THURSDAY!!
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