Self-concept is the single, most-important component that offers a clear distinction between good communicators and poor communicators

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.   

In my experience, those communicators whom I most admired, or those whom I considered most effective, all had strong self-concepts—at least, strong self-concepts from what I could determine.  Although there is no study to affirm the following conclusion, in all of my years of teaching speech-communication, I can report a direct, positive correlation between students with a strong self-concept and success in the basic course.
   
Why is a strong self-concept necessary to have healthy, satisfying, ongoing interactions with others? 
   
The primary way to illustrate the correlation is to explain the relationship between a positive self-concept and a weak one.  People with strong self-concepts seldom experience the same problems as those with weak ones—especially in ongoing interactions.  Sometimes they experience no problems at all.  The relationship between a weak self-concept and effective communication can be documented in four steps, but it relies on two basic principles of communication:
    Principle #1: We discover who we are through the eyes of others.
    Principle #2: The proper (healthy, strong, supportive) interactions with others help sustain effective communication.
   
Now the four steps that clearly support the relationship between a strong self-concept and effective communication.
   
Step 1: Those with weak self-concepts reveal their weaknesses to others, and because of that, those others often respond to them negatively.  This is, it is true, a classic chicken-and-egg problem.  Which came first?  That is, does a weak self-concept come first and prompt others’ reactions, or do others’ reactions create the weak self-concept.  The answer is clearly a combination of both.  Since weak self-concepts usually emerge slowly, over time, others’ reactions and our own weak self-concept are likely to directly affect each other—negatively—as we grow and develop.
   
Step 2: A weak self-concept distorts our perceptions.  We know a person, for example, whose weak self-concept prompts his projection of all his weakness and difficulties onto his marriage partner.   The partner’s attempts at support and comfort, in turn, are distorted by him to reveal manipulation and control. 
   
Most people come at the world in a normal, regular fashion, and they handle incoming information in an ordinary, routine manner.  People with a weak self-concept, on the other hand, send incoming information through a sieve full of angular, odd-shaped, and irregular holes; thus, all their perceptions from others and the world are distorted.  This is a second chicken-and-egg problem.  Do the reactions from others create the distortions in the sieve, or do the distorted holes in the sieve create the incorrect interpretations?  Once again, the answer is likely to be a combination of both simply because the problem emerges slowly over time.  Neither came first; each contributed to the existence of the other.
   
Step 3: When incoming information is being distorted in some way, we no longer receive accurate information about ourselves—since others provide the mirror through which we see ourselves.  Not only that, most of the information we receive (when we possess a weak self-concept) is likely to be given a negative, non-productive, non-supportive spin.  That is the kind of impression we are presenting to others, and the information from them causes increased insecurity and further undermines a positive self-concept and, too, further supports our already-present weaknesses.
   
Step 4: With a weak and weakening self-concept, our communication becomes inaccurate, negative, and otherwise off the mark.  This happens because the information on which our communication depends is false or warped.  Without good information, we don’t see things as they are but as we think they are.  One begins to see the potential, vicious, negative cycle this can create.  For those who have lived with a weak self-concept for a long time, they live each moment of their lives within this well-entrenched negative cycle.
   
Communication based on poor information relies on hunches, feelings, and impulses without regard for facts.  People often assume things that aren’t true.  They do not check out the reasons behind behavior they don’t understand.  “Why check it out?,” they might say, “I’m right.”  Also, they do not gather enough facts before making decisions.  “Why gather facts?,” they might say, “I know I’m right.”  Acting impulsively is convenient, workable, easy, and feels right.  But the results of such behavior show up in communication that cannot be relied upon.  More often than not, it creates confusion, problems, and complicates situations.  Because of the negative reactions such communication attracts, further problems with the self-concept result in an ongoing, negative spiral of frustration, suspicion, and doubt.
   
These four steps can just as easily be positive and not negative.  Also, just because the negative process has begun does not mean it needs to continue.  There are successful interventions that can be used to halt and reverse these steps.  These interventions require time, effort, and commitment.  Change must begin from within. 
   
Many of the ways to change involve the need to feel worthwhile.  One way to improve self-concept is to shift our focus from self-centeredness to other-centeredness.  That is, rather than thinking about ourselves and how things make us feel, we need to put ourselves in the shoes of others and ask how they feel.
   
Another way to feel worthwhile is to feel valued in the eyes of others.  When we surround ourselves with people who think we are worthwhile, it can change our perception of ourselves.  To be part of a group where our membership, our presence, and our contributions can make a difference, our worth is reinforced.  Another way to increase feelings of worth is to engage in projects and take on responsibilities in which we can do a good job and get positive results.
   
To gain a positive self-concept is a continual, ongoing activity, but the benefits are worth it.  Through belonging, competency, and feelings of worth, we can clearly and accurately delineate our likes and dislikes, make preferences, observe with a critical eye, and polish awkward pieces of ourselves.  When we feel confident in our judgments and feelings, we begin to trust our interpretation of reality.  As we learn to trust our interpretation of reality, our self-concept improves.  After all, it is the single, most-important component that offers a clear distinction between good communicators and poor communicators.
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“Develop a Healthy Self-Concept” is an essay at Essential Life Skills. Net   which suggests that the following are the characteristics that constitute a healthy self-concept?  1) The ability to know yourself; to be able to assess your strengths, weaknesses, talents and potential.
2) The ability to love and accept yourself as you are, knowing that you can improve and develop any aspects of yourself that you choose.  3) The ability to be honest with yourself and be true to who you are and what you value.  4)The ability to take responsibility for your choices and actions.  The website claims that the way to develop a healthy concept is this: “. . . [It]  takes deliberate planning and concentrated effort. It takes acknowledging your intrinsic value as a human being, and then working to acquire the skills needed to confront the many challenges and adversities we encounter in life.”

“Fostering a positive self-image” is an essay at the Cleveland Clinic website where the following steps are listed:  Take a self-image inventory. Define personal goals and objectives.  Set realistic and measurable goals.  Confront thinking distortions. Identify childhood labels.  Stop comparing yourself to others. 
Develop your strengths.  Learn to love yourself.  Give positive affirmations. Remember that you are unique. Learn to laugh and smile. Remember how far you have come.
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Copyright September 15, 2011, by And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C.