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by Richard L. Weaver II
Myths guide your actions. As important as it is for you to exercise, follow effective nutrition guidelines, and get sufficient sleep, in many cases your attempts to do what will keep you healthy are affected by and, thus, in some cases, contravened by myths. Some of these myths are wired into you, and no matter what scientific evidence is offered, they remain anchored, fixed, and secure.
You may wonder why myths often have such a stranglehold over you and your actions? First, they are what give support to your moral values. Whether it be a belief in faith, authority, human empathy, genuine feelings for others, or rational principles, myths buttress your system of moral values. Second, they give you your personal identity. Identity is an ongoing negotiation within you, between how you choose to narrate particular scenes and the culture within which you live. “I am part of a tightknit family,” “I am part of a larger community,” or “I am part of God’s kingdom,” all can be true; however, each plays a role in the formation of your personal identity. Showing loyalty to your family, town, church, or nation is the result of believing in the “sense of community” myth — and loyalties to friends or community are the result of strong myths that reinforce social bonding.
The third reason myths have such a restrictive hold over you is that they are a way to deal with the mystery of and fears relating to creation and death. For many people it is this related set of myths that provide solace. “It is in the nature of humans to wonder about the unknown and search for answers,” writes Lindsey Murtagh http://www.cs.williams.edu/%7Elindsey/myths/myths.html, in “Common Elements in Creation Myths.” She writes, “At the foundation of nearly every culture is a creation myth that explains how the wonders of the earth came to be. These myths have an immense influence on people's frame of reference. They influence the way people think about the world and their place in relation to their surroundings.”
But, what about the myths that guide your everyday life in the areas of exercise, nutrition, and sleep? How powerful are they? Without them, you are lost. Why? Because they create meaning out of your life and actions. Because they make you believe that you matter, that your daily life has meaning, and that your activities fulfill the myths that guide your actions.
Some of the myths about exercise are precisely those that prevent some from engaging in any kind of exercise program at all. “It’s all in the genes,” suggests, for example, that we don’t even have any control over it. We’re either fit or we’re unfit; it has to do with the cards we’re dealt when we’re born. “No pain, no gain,” is a myth, but certainly some see exercise as a painful way to keep fit. Or, “Once you stop strength training, your muscles will turn to fat.” Then, what’s the point? Leave my fat muscles as they are and avoid the exercise-intervention strategy! Of course, muscles turning to fat or vice versa is a physiological impossibility.
For most reasonable people, the operative philosophy regarding exercise is: “It works.” Why it’s important is discussed on the website longevity meme.org http://www.longevitymeme.org/news/view_news_item.cfm?news_id=3633 At this website, it states that exercise helps avoid damage caused by a sedentary lifestyle, hastens recovery from injuries, and prevents falls. Also, aerobic fitness may prevent a diminished functional capacity, including obesity, diabetes, hypertension, myocardial infarction, stroke, some forms of cancer, and osteoporosis.
Just as there are myths that guide exercising, there are myths, too, that guide the value we give nutrition and diet. The first is that there is a perfect diet that will work for everyone. Just as an example, some people do very well on vegetarian diets while others crash and burn. “One size only fits the people who come in that size,” according to the www.health.com, http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com website. Other myths mentioned at www.health.com, http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com include, “Cutting carbohydrates helps you lose weight,” “Diet foods help you drop pounds,” “The more you cut calories, the more weight you’ll lose,” “Dairy makes you fat,” or “Brown equals whole-grain.”
At the www.healthcastle.com website, two of the nutrition myths discussed there include sugar and fat. The first myth is that sugar causes diabetes; sugar intake will not cause you to develop the disease. Type 2 diabetes results primarily from three risk factors: 1) a diet high in calories, 2) being overweight, and 3) an inactive lifestyle.
The myth regarding fat is that all fats are bad. Fact is, fats assist nutrient absorption, support nerve transmission, and help maintain cell membrane integrity. Of course, if consumed in excessive amounts they contribute to weight gain, heart disease, and certain types of cancers. But, not all fats are created equal according to www.healthcastle.com. What you have to do is replace bad fats with good fats.
The Medical News Today http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/66363.php website debunks ten common myths regarding nutrition that include eating immediately after a workout to improve recovery, the trouble eating fiber can cause if you have irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), the necessity for consuming extra protein to build muscle mass, that vitamin supplements are necessary for everyone, that all alcohol is bad for you, that eating eggs will raise your cholesterol, that brown grain products are whole grain products, the need to drink eight 8-oz. glasses of water per day, and that eating carbohydrates will make you fat. These are all myths.
In addition to myths governing the way we exercise and eat, there are myths that affect our sleep as well. At the Sleep Disorders http://sleepdisorders.about.com/od/gettingtosleep/a/sleepmyths.htm website two of the twelve myths discussed there are, first, that you can “cheat” on the amount of sleep you get. It can be dangerous to both physical and mental health to do so. Second, it is a myth as well, that you can “catch up” on sleep missed. Once you miss hours of sleep, they are gone forever.
The point of this essay is not necessarily the myths themselves but how myths govern our actions. Because of their importance in our lives, it is wise to be aware of them, check them out, and be flexible in altering those that no longer --- or never did! --- serve a useful purpose.
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At the SharpBrains, “The Brain Fitness Authority,” website http://www.sharpbrains.com/free-eguide/http://www.sharpbrains.com/free-eguide/ there is a condensed version of a 40-page whitepaper "11 Sharp Brains Debunk 10 Myths on the Science Behind The Nascent Brain Fitness Industry." The whitepaper features 11 in-depth interviews with leading neuroscientists, psychologists and experts in the field of cognition, conducted by Alvaro Fernandez. The 10 myths are listed, and there are brief quotes from the interviews.
“Exploding Exercise Myths” at the infoplease.com website http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0872851.html “Getting Americans off the couch and onto their feet could save an estimated 200,000 lives a year, says the surgeon general. Yet most of us are either sedentary or only minimally active. Confusion may keep many couch potatoes from getting into shape,” are the first sentences at this website. Ten myths are exploded. ______________________________________________________________________________
Contact Richard L. Weaver II
This Thursday’s essay is “Be Aware of the Myths that Guide Your Life.” Myths guide your actions. As important as it is for you to exercise, follow effective nutrition guidelines, and get sufficient sleep, in many cases your attempts to do what will keep you healthy are affected by and, thus, in some cases, contravened by myths. Some of these myths are wired into you, and no matter what scientific evidence is offered, they remain anchored, fixed, and secure.
Share your And Then Some Story about myths. Are you a person who has numerous myths that guide your life? We would love to hear your story? Do you have a friend, a family member, a neighbor, or someone you just know from a distance who has structured a life based on myths? Feel free to use a pseudonym for the person’s real name. What are some of the most-often used myths that you hear? Where do you think the whole experienced of a “myth-based existence” begins? How does it get rooted in our psyche to the extent that myths control and govern our behavior? Let us know what you think.
And Then Some Essay - May 29, 2008
Be Aware of the Myths that Guide Your Lifeby Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
(After discussing why myths have such a stranglehold on you, I then ask the question:) But, what about the myths that guide your everyday life in the areas of exercise, nutrition, and sleep? How powerful are they? Without them, you are lost. Why? Because they create meaning out of your life and actions. Because they make you believe that you matter, that your daily life has meaning, and that your activities fulfill the myths that guide your actions.
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by Richard L. Weaver IIDon Wilder, cinematographer, says excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure. I’ve not been one to make a whole lot of excuses, but having taught college for close to 30 years one automatically hears a wide range. It seems to go with the territory. “I didn’t do well on the exam because the professor asked questions on sections we hadn’t studied,” or “She didn’t explain the material well enough,” are some typical responses when the real reason is, “I wasn’t prepared,” or “I didn’t go to class.”
Education isn’t alone in making people experts when it comes to using excuses. What it does is embed the process deeply in students’ psyches. The problem isn’t that difficult to discover; nobody wants to take responsibility for their problems or failures. Excuses are simply ploys to divert attention from themselves. Marcus Stroup clarified the problem in his quotation, “There aren’t nearly enough crutches in the world for all the lame excuses.”
People will say, “I can’t eat healthier, because I’m too busy, and I have to depend on fast foods,” or “I can’t lose weight because I can’t stand being hungry all the time,” or “I can’t exercise because I just don’t have the time.” The key to understanding all excuses is this: we make room in our lives for what we consider important. An old Yiddish proverb states, “If you don’t want to do something, one excuse is as good as another.”
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to discover the problem in our society. Things have been made too easy. Food is as close as the nearest drive-thru, information arrives with a mere keystroke, music of our choice is on the iPod, a family or friend contact is on the cell phone, delicious snacks and beverages are available to suit every taste, and a wide array of amusing, entertaining, and captivating play-diversions are available to occupy any extra moment in our busy, fully-occupied, consumer-oriented lives. We are easily distracted, amused, and entertained.
When the standards are set low, there is no bar to raise; it lies below ground-level. There is no challenge, no difficulty, no strain, nor need to stretch. The flab of the fat reflects the sagging society. If things seem a bit lackluster and lifeless, check no further than many of those listless, uninspiring bodies simply occupying space.
Let’s first discuss the harm that lies in excuses. It was Benjamin Franklin who said, “He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.” According to Chuck Gallozzi, there are two major harms. First, they negate responsibility, “and it is responsibility,” Gallozzi adds, “that separates man from the rest of the animal kingdom.” Second, they prevent one from succeeding. Gallozzi says, “When we make excuses and repeat them often enough, they become a belief. The belief then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.”
Let’s reverse it and rather than discuss the harms, look at the rewards. Is it really worth it to drop the excuses? The answer is clearly, “Yes.” First, it brings all the benefits of living a life of responsibility. For example, an attitude of responsibility builds self-respect, pride, and confidence. And with these traits, too, comes competence and power. Second, it puts you in charge. You have control over your life, and you don’t have to hide behind excuses. Hiding is a weakness. When you admit your failures, you can delight and glory in your strengths. It is at these times when you realize that your success or failure depends on you — only you.
Third, and as a direct byproduct of the first two rewards, dropping the excuses will make you a better person. It could have a direct effect on your intelligence, and your actions will become deliberate and thoughtful — the actions of a responsible human being.
Fortunately, your life doesn’t need to be built on excuses. Yes, it could be argued that you need them. Donald Lawrence noted in his essay, “Stop Making Excuses!” He writes, “We need them to make sense of the senseless, find sanity in the insane, and a resemblance of order in chaos.” One of his most insightful comments is, “Our excuses are the walls of stone that we construct. They are our silent shields, our perfect protection.” So, the solution, obviously, is not to eliminate all excuses from our lives. Perhaps we need a wall or two or a silent shield. But, there are things we can do to limit them.
The first step in changing from a life of excuses to one of taking responsibility is to begin to have confidence in yourself and your talents. This was the first of four steps listed at the eHow website in an essay there by the eHow health editor entitled, “How to Stop Making Excuses.” Excuses make us doubt our abilities and qualifications.
The second step discussed by the eHow health editor is to seize the opportunity. The point is simply that there is no “perfect” time for anything. Make a commitment to yourself to start right now. What are you waiting for? You don’t have time? That reflects no commitment whatever. If you are afraid of failure or afraid of getting out of your comfort zone, nobody can take this step for you: make the commitment, and make it now. Take charge of your life.
The third step is to focus on your successes and learn from your failures. Sure, you’ve failed before; we all have. Life is too short to dwell on failures. The eHow health editor suggests making a list of your accomplishments for times when you can use a pep talk.
The fourth step is to be honest with yourself. Are you serious about changing your behavior? What is it that is really holding you back? Are excuses hiding something much deeper?
Always along the road to change, you must stop to examine your progress. When you compare where you are now with where you would like to be, create specific plans to change. Also, along the way, too, there will be mistakes. Accept responsibility; learn from them; don’t repeat them. Sure, excuses could be the nails used to build a house of failure, but Henry Ward Beecher offers strong motivation in his comment, “Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you, never excuse yourself.”
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Bryan Clark has a delightful, motivational essay entitled, “Stop producing excuses and start producing results,” that has to do with how to become wealthy online. His essay can be found at the website OneMansGoal.com http://onemansgoal.com/285/stop-producing-excuses-start-producing-results/ His is a short, enjoyable read is all you need is just a shot-glass full of adrenaline.
Scott H. Young has a thoughtful, short, little essay, entitled “How to stop making excuses,” on his website http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2007/11/22/how-to-stop-making-excuses/ Scott claims the solution to stopping lies in two steps: organizing your priorities, and breaking large, uncomfortable steps into manageable pieces.
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Contact Richard L. Weaver II
This Thursday’s essay is “Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure.” Things have been made too easy for us. Food is as close as the nearest drive-thru, information arrives with a mere keystroke, music of our choice is on the iPod, a family or friend contact is on the cell phone, delicious snacks and beverages are available to suit every taste, and a wide array of amusing, entertaining, and captivating play-diversions are available to occupy any extra moment in our busy, fully-occupied, consumer-oriented lives. We are easily distracted, amused, and entertained — and excuses give us the permission, time, and reason to enjoy it all!
Share your And Then Some Story about excuses. Are you a person who has built a house of failure based on excuses? We would love to hear your story? Do you have a friend, a family member, a neighbor, or someone you just know from a distance who has done so? Feel free to use a pseudonym for the person’s real name. What are some of the most-often used excuses that you hear? Where do you think the whole experienced of an “excuse-based existence” begins? How does it get rooted in our psyche to the extent that it controls and governs our behavior? Let us know what you think.
And Then Some Essay - May 20, 2008
Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failureby Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
Education isn’t alone in making people experts when it comes to using excuses. What it does is embed the process deeply in peoples’ psyches. The problem isn’t that difficult to discover; nobody wants to take responsibility for their problems or failures. Excuses are simply ploys to divert attention from themselves. Marcus Stroup clarified the problem in his quotation, “There aren’t nearly enough crutches in the world for all the lame excuses.”
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Share your 'And Then Some Story'
And Then Some Publishing, LLC wants to hear your story. Whether you share your story through our website, link to your blog, or have a website to share your story we want to hear it.
The only way this feature can work is if you submit your story or link to us. Be the first And Then Some Fan Story to be featured or linked on our blog!
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by Richard L. Weaver IIAnd Then Some Works (ATSW) had the privilege of interviewing Skyler (not his real name), and what follows are the questions asked and Skyler’s answers — a world perspective as seen through the eyes of a highly intelligent, motivated, and enthusiastic fourth grader.
ATSW: How do you like school?
Skyler: I like it a lot; I really love school.
ATSW: Why do you like school so much?
Skyler: Because it’s very fun, and you learn new stuff every day.
ATSW: What is the best thing you like about school?
Skyler: I like “Reading Excells.” (The special class for exceptional readers.)
ATSW: What is so special about “Reading Excells”?
Skyler: We do a lot of experiments after we read a book. Like, after reading “Chasing Vermeer,” we did an experiment about how the eye sees things backwards. Also, after reading the book we all wrote riddles.
ATSW: If you could change anything at all about school to make it better for you, what would you change?
Skyler: I would have “Reading Excels” every single day. Right now we only have it once every two weeks. I would also have far more silent reading. I like reading at school because you have to be quiet. Everyone has to be quiet, and I love to read when it’s quiet. Also, I love math and science.
ATSW: Think about your life and all the things that you do: What do you like to do the most?
Skyler: I like to play outside with my next-door-neighbor — in addition to reading. Reading is my all-time-favorite thing to do.
ATSW: What is your favorite genre of book?
Skyler: Fiction.
ATSW: What kind of fiction do you like?
Skyler: Historical fiction. I also like adventure stories.
ATSW: Who is your favorite author?
Skyler: His name is Andrew Clements. He wrote “A Week in the Woods” and “Frindle.”
ATSW: Why do you like Andrew Clements?
Skyler: Because you can really get into the story and feel like you’re inside it. Also you can feel the same problems the main character is facing.
ATSW: If you could do anything at all to change your life to make it better for you, what would you change?
Skyler: I would be home schooled?
ATSW: Why would you want to be home schooled?
Skyler: Because I would be taught based on how I learn and not based on how everyone else learns.
ATSW: Why would that make any difference?
Skyler: I feel like I’m being held back because all the smarter kids are affected by the speed of learning of the other students. I would love to be able to learn at my own pace.
ATSW: What do you think is the most important thing that makes people get along with each other?
Skyler: Respect.
ATSW: Why do you think respect is so important?
Skyler: Because if you don’t respect one another you will be fighting all the time.
ATSW: Do you have a second thing that you consider important?
Skyler: Yes. Always telling the truth would be my second choice.
ATSW: In all the world today and with all you’ve experienced up to now, what is the thing about this world that surprises you the most?
Skyler: I used to think that all adults are perfect, and obviously they are not. There have been adults who have disappointed me.
ATSW: If you could be anything you could be, and there was nothing stopping you, what would you love to be?
Skyler: I would love to be a reading specialist in the public schools.
ATSW: Why does being a reading specialist interest you?
Skyler: Because I could work with children who are not as privileged as I am.
ATSW: What do you think is the major thing in our society that seems to hold people back or that keeps people from fulfilling their dreams?
Skyler: When I sit around and talk with my friends, we all are very excited about what we want to do. We never talk about things that might hold us back.
ATSW: Okay, what do you think holds kids back?
Skyler: Being scared is one thing.
ATSW: Being scared of what?
Skyler: Kids are probably scared of other kids being mean to them. Other kids who call them nerds. So they don’t work as hard as they would otherwise to avoid being called nerds.
ATSW: Any other things you can think of that might hold kids back?
Skyler: People have their dreams, but they decide it’s too much work. Seeing how much they have to do, they give up on school.
ATSW: What do you think is the scariest thing in the whole world?
Skyler: Living behind someone’s shadow.
ATSW: What do you mean living behind someone’s shadow?
Skyler: Like being in the shadow of a very smart person. When you feel you are not as smart as that person, it is a very scary thing.
ATSW: How do you mean that?
Skyler: Always, no matter what you are doing, there is always somebody better than you are. They could do anything to me, and I wouldn’t have anything to defend myself with.
ATSW: What is it that makes you the happiest?
Skyler: Being with my family.
ATSW: And why does it make you so happy?
Skyler: Because you know that everybody knows you and cares for you and loves you for who you are and not for who they want you to be.
ATSW: What is it that makes you sad?
Skyler: When families aren’t together, or when families are fighting.
ATSW: Do you keep up with any news that’s going on in the world today? What is a piece of news that you’ve heard?
Skyler: Recycling. The green-house effect.
ATSW: Where did you hear about these?
Skyler: I heard about them at school and on television.
ATSW: If you were king of the whole world and you could change one or two things that would make the world a better place for everyone, what would you change?
Skyler: I would stop having wars — with everyone peaceful
ATSW: And what would be a second thing you would change if you were king?
Skyler: I would have nobody litter or pollute the air.
ATSW: Would you ever want to be president of the United States?
Skyler: (He really had to think about this question. He wasn’t sure. He sat and he thought, and thought, and thought. Finally, he responded.) No.
ATSW: You wouldn’t want to be president?
Skyler: No, there is so much pressure being president, and there will always be people who don’t like you and don’t want you to be president.
ATSW: Would you ever want to go into politics?
Skyler: I would want to go into the House or Senate.
ATSW: Why would you want to go into the House or Senate?
Skyler: Then I could help make the country a better place.
ATSW: If you could go to any country in the world, what would it be?
Skyler: I would want to go to a very poor country and help out. A country, for example, in South or Central America that is very small and very poor where I could help them.
ATSW: If you could do one thing that would help a lot of people — where you could make a significant contribution to our society — what would it be?
Skyler: Child hunger.
ATSW: And how would you help with child hunger?
Skyler: I would earn money by working, and then I would buy food and donate it to child shelters — or places that don’t have much money.
ATSW: Are you thinking of going to college?
Skyler: Yes, definitely.
ATSW: And what would you like to study in college?
Skyler: I would like to study English. Also, I would want to become a teacher.
ATSW: Did you enjoy this interview?
Skyler: Yes, I did. (He answered very enthusiastically.)
ATSW: And why did you like this interview so much?
Skyler: Because the questions were not normal, everyday questions.
ATSW: Not normal, everyday questions?
Skyler: Yes. The questions made me think.
If you thought for one minute that fourth graders are too young to have hopes and dreams, are too young to have some idea of what is going on in this world, or are too young to want to give back to society, then this interview with Skyler should be an eye opener. As noted in the opening paragraph, this is a young man who is eager, enthusiastic, motivated, and interested in becoming a responsible, contributing, worthwhile member of society. These are precisely the students whom all of us should be encouraging through our patience, care, nurturing, and, above all else, support. It is students like Skyler who will make it make a difference that they have lived, and everyone will not only know, but appreciate, the difference they have made.
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“A day in the life of a fourth-grade pencil,” http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3666/is_200101/ai_n8938089 is a creative writing project that is an interesting and worthwhile school project by Marion Lee Caldwell at the website bnet. Here, the exercise is not only well described, but the results are fascinating as well.
One way to measure what Skyler says in his interview is to compare the comments with typical fourth-grader characteristics. You can do this at the ASCA (American School Counselor Association) Website http://www.wdeptford.k12.nj.us/webdesign/hess/Fourth/fourth.htm where a complete explanation of where they are and where they are going is described.
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Contact Richard L. Weaver II
This Thursday’s essay is special, “A fourth grade perspective on the world.” And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C. had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Skyler, an outstanding fourth grader, to find out not only what is on his mind, but what he likes in this world, what he would change if he could, what he would like to be when he grows up, and what he thinks is the scariest thing in the whole world.
Share your And Then Some Story about kids. Do you have an inspirational story about kids? Are you a teacher or a person who works with kids in other capacities? What are the qualities adults need to model for children? When you witness the actions of children obviously nourished by superb parents, what qualities do you see? Too often, I’m afraid, the marvelous stories of exceptional children go untold, and now is the time to change that!
And Then Some Essay - May 15, 2008
A fourth grade perspective on the worldby Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
ATSW: If you were king of the whole world and you could change one or two things that would make the world a better place for everyone, what would you change?
Skyler: I would stop having wars — with everyone peaceful
ATSW: And what would be a second thing you would change if you were king?
Skyler: I would have nobody litter or pollute the air.
ATSW: Would you ever want to be president of the United States?
Skyler: (He really had to think about this question. He wasn’t sure. He sat and he thought, and thought, and thought. Finally, he responded.) No.
ATSW: You wouldn’t want to be president?
Skyler: No, there is so much pressure being president, and there will always be people who don’t like you and don’t want you to be president.
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Share your 'And Then Some Story'
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The only way this feature can work is if you submit your story or link to us. Be the first And Then Some Fan Story to be featured or linked on our blog!
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by Richard L. Weaver III still remember the advice my mother gave me: “Be careful or you’ll put your eye out,” “What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?” “You have enough dirt behind your ears to grow potatoes!” “Don’t make that face, or it’ll freeze in that position,” “Close that door! You weren’t brought up in a barn,” “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” and the best advice of all, “Always wear clean underwear; you never know when you’ll be in an accident.” My mother was a teacher, thus, giving advice was natural and automatic for her.
Mother’s Day in the United States was loosely inspired by the British holiday and imported by the social activist Julia Ward Howe after the American Civil War. Originally it was a call to unite women against war. Howe did not get formal recognition of a Mother’s Day for Peace. In the United States Howe was influenced by Ann Jarvis, a young Appalachian homemaker who, starting in 1858, attempted to improve sanitation through what she called Mothers’ Work Days. When Jarvis died in 1904, her daughter, named Anna Jarvis, started to found a memorial day for women. The first one was celebrated in Grafton, West Virginia, on May 10, 1908, in the church where the elder Ann Jarvis had taught Sunday school. Grafton is the home to the International Mother’s Day Shrine. From there, the custom caught on, and the holiday was declared officially by some states beginning in 1912.
It was President Woodrow Wilson who, because of the influence of a national letter-writing campaign to ministers, businessmen, and politicians begun by Jarvis, in 1914, declared the first national Mother’s Day as a day for American citizens to show the flag in honor of those mothers whose sons had died in war—with specific reference to The Great War, now known as World War I. By 1923 commercialization of the U.S. holiday had become so rampant that Anna Jarvis became a major opponent of how the holiday had evolved. Now, according to the National Restaurant Association, Mother’s Day is the most popular day of the year to dine out at a restaurant.
When I was preparing this essay, I was sitting in church, and my son, Reverend R. Scott Weaver, delivered a sermon entitled, “Are You My Mother?,” and within the sermon he included a quotation from Ralph Waldo Emerson, the famous American essayist. Emerson said, “People are what their mothers make them.” That quotation reminded me of a poem from an unknown poet, entitled “Before I Was Myself You Made Me,” that I found and saved many years ago because, for me, it held so many rich truths:
Before I was myself you made me, me
With love and patience, discipline, and tears,
Then bit by bit stepped back to set me free,
Allowing me to sail upon my sea,
Though well within the headlands of your fears.
Before I was myself you made me, me
With dreams enough of what I was to be
And hopes that would be sculpted by the years,
Then bit by bit stepped back to set me free,
Relinquishing your powers gradually
As dancers when the last sweet cadence nears
Bit by bit stepped back to set me free.
For love inspires learning naturally:
The mind assents to what the heart reveres.
And so it was through love you made me, me
By slowly stepping back to set me free.
The influence that our mothers have on us cannot be underestimated, my son said in his sermon, acknowledging my wife, his mother, whose faith permeated his life. “The bond between a child and a mother is unparalleled among all of our lifelong relationships,” my son continued. He then revealed an important irony—that his listeners might believe that his relationship with his spouse would be unparalleled when compared to any other relationship in his life, but he proceeded to explain one of the most fundamental truths regarding relationships. He explained it in this way:
“If a bride thinks that she is going to be able to change the man she intends to marry—or a groom thinks that he is going to be able to change the
woman he intends to marry—to make her what he wants her to be, he isn’t only dealing with the woman—he is dealing with her mother. And for that
bride, she is dealing with HIS mother. And it doesn’t matter if his mother is alive or not! Our mother’s live on with us long after they are a physical
presence in our lives on a daily basis.”
There is a lot that each of us can learn from mothers no matter what our age or place in life, as my son acknowledged. Some of the fundamental truths that I learned from my mother and that have lived with me on a daily basis I wrote in the first paragraph of this essay. There were many others, of course, but it was with my mother’s guidance that I became a writer, and because of her work with me, I dedicated one of my textbooks entitled Understanding Public Communication to her with the inscription, “To Florence B. Weaver with whom I first publicly communicated.” In the copy I sent to her more than 25 years ago, I wrote, “What can I say except all this would have been impossible without you. I love you.”
In his sermon, my son told this story: “There was a devout Christian mother who was always teaching her daughter lessons of faith and trust. She always told her daughter that she never needed to be afraid at any time because God was always near. One summer evening she tucked her little girl in bed after her prayers, put out the light, and went downstairs.
“Then an electrical storm came rolling out of the west with vivid flashes of lightning and a reverberating roar of thunder. Suddenly there was a simultaneous blinding flash and a deafening crash, and when the echoes died away, the mother heard the little girl calling desperately, “Mama! Mama! Come and get me.”
“The mother found her trembling, little girl in tears. After she had soothed her somewhat, she thought it might be an opportune time to teach a spiritual lesson. She said, “My little girl, has Mommy not taught you many times that you need never be afraid, that God is always near, and nothing can harm you?
“The little one put her arms around her mother’s neck and said, “Yes, Mommy. I know that God is always near, but when the lightning and the thunder are so awful, I want someone near me that’s got skin on.”
Scott ended his sermon saying, “Count the best things in your life: character, love, unselfishness, forgiveness, kindness, gentleness. They were all planted by that tender hand so long ago, the hand of that wonderful woman who cuddled you and held you and said, “This is my child.”
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At the website PearlSoup.com http://www.pearlsoup.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=pearls.view&pearlID=17637 Hal Johnson has written an endearing essay entitled, “Thoughts of Mother's Day, and the Guy Who Loved Her Too,” which, in several different ways, will touch your heart.
Mary Moss, in her essay, “One Mother’s Thoughts on Mother’s Day,” http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/238394/one_mothers_thoughts_on_mothers_day.html challenges all readers to keep an open door and an open mind, not just on Mother’s Day, of course, but throughout the year. Mother’s Day, Moss says, should be a day “when every woman in a person's life should be honored, thanked, and celebrated,” and she offers many suggestions for bringing this about.
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Contact Richard L. Weaver II
This Thursday’s And Then Some essay, “The best things in your life were planted by the tender hand of your mother,” is a celebration of Mother’s Day. The essay was written last year on that day, and I want to give full credit to my son, Reverend R. Scott Weaver, for his thoughts on the topic. I was already in the planning stages of the essay, and the surprise came as I was sitting in church listening to my son preach. The direct quotations resulted from asking him for a printout of his sermon, and I am indebted to his inspiration for the title of the essay as well.
Share your And Then Some Story about Mother’s Day. Do you have an inspirational Mother’s Day story to share? Was it your own mother, your wife, a friend of yours, or another mother you have known? What are the qualities that make outstanding mothers? When you witness the actions of children obviously nourished by superb mothers, what qualities do you see? Too often, I’m afraid, the marvelous stories of exceptional mothers go untold, and now is the time to change that!
And Then Some Essay - May 08, 2008
The best things in your life were planted by the tender hand of your motherby Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
I still remember the advice my mother gave me: “Be careful or you’ll put your eye out,” “What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?” “You have enough dirt behind your ears to grow potatoes!” “Don’t make that face, or it’ll freeze in that position,” “Close that door! You weren’t brought up in a barn,” “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” and the best advice of all, “Always wear clean underwear; you never know when you’ll be in an accident.” My mother was a teacher, thus, giving advice was natural and automatic for her.
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by Richard L. Weaver IIFor all of my growing years everyone thought that male and female differences occurred because parents raised girls and boys in different ways. But the truth is the other way around. Parents raise girls and boys differently because girls and boys are so different from birth. The differences can be noticed in the way girls and boys play, learn, fight, process emotions, and see the world. All these differences come about because their brains are wired differently.
Much of this essay has been drawn from a book entitled Why Gender Matters: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know About the Emerging Science of Sex Differences (Broadway Books, 2005) by Leonard Sax, M.D., PhD. Sax challenges many of the basic assumptions regarding gender differences by interspersing hard data and numerous case studies. This is an outstanding work of scholarship, and in this essay I avoid using quotation marks to indicate my use of this source because of the distraction quotation marks create.
Differences between males and females go on and on. In friendships, for example, girls’ friendships can be characterized as face-to-face — two or three girls talking with one another — whereas boys’ friendships are shoulder-to-shoulder — a group of boys looking out at some common interest (like a video game or a sporting event). Girls confide in each other about their most personal doubts and difficulties; most boys don’t want to hear about each other’s innermost secrets. Close friendships between girls are usually intimate and personal. Friendships between boys are usually built around shared activities.
There are many other differences, too. For example, one occurs in how females and males give directions. Girls are more likely to use visible landmarks whereas boys are more likely to use compass directions: north, south, east, and west. In another example, girls and boys turn to drugs for different reasons. Girls use drugs to lose weight, relieve stress, to calm down, and because their friends are doing it. Most boys who abuse drugs are looking for a thrill. They want the excitement of doing something dangerous. Also, boys are more likely to buy illegal drugs from strangers (risk-taking behavior), while girls buy most of their drugs from people they know. Yet another difference is how girls and boys respond to types of discipline. Boys respond well to strict and authoritarian discipline, which might include occasional spanking. For girls, a warm and fuzzy approach is the one that best promotes social skills; strict discipline may even have a slight negative effect on girls’ social development.
There are many other differences as well, however, as parents we would all like our children to grow up to be courageous and self-confident — attributes traditionally considered masculine. But we also want them to be nurturing, thoughtful, and good listeners — attributes traditionally seen as feminine. We want our children to grow into adults who are comfortable expressing both feminine and masculine attributes — whatever is appropriate for the situation.
The best way to raise androgynous children is to first let them be who they are. The appropriate quotation is, “You can’t be at home everywhere until you are at home somewhere.” Once your children are sure of who they are, they will be more confident, more able to explore gender-atypical ways of learning and listening.
But why does gender matter? A group of distinguished scholars at Dartmouth Medical School determined that our society’s neglect of gender differences has caused great harm. It deeply influences their well-being, they said.
Gender may be more fundamental to learning than age. Noted Georgetown University professor Deborah Tannen compared how girls and boys of different ages use language. In her book, You Just Don’t Understand (HaarperCollins, 2001), she said she “was overwhelmed by the differences that separated the females and males at each age, and the striking similarities that linked the females, on one hand, and the males, on the other, across the vast expanse of age. In many ways,” she writes, “the second-grade girls were more like the twenty-five-year-old women than like the second-grade boys.” Why is this important? Because it affects children’s ability to listen, willingness to affiliate with adults, and their emotional development.
Girls and boys assess risk differently, and they differ in their likelihood of engaging in risky behaviors. In play behavior, for example, boys are more likely to put their fingers into an electrical socket, try to stand on a basketball, or jump off a chair. Even when told to stop doing something risky, boys are less likely to comply. Studies in the United States and around the world universally find that boys are more likely to engage in physically risky activities. Why is this important? Because boys are more likely to be seriously injured or killed in accidents such as drowning, misuse of firearms, or head injury related to riding a bicycle, or playing in extreme sports. For boys, doing something dangerous or stupid increases when in a group of boys.
According to a study by the National Endowment for the Arts (NEA), the gender gap in reading — favoring girls at the expense of boys — has grown from a small gap to a yawning chasm. “What was formerly a moderate difference is fast becoming a decided marker of gender identity. “Girls read; boys don’t,” the study reports. In addition, the NEA noted that boys are disengaging from school. More boys are dropping out, and a smaller proportion are going on to college. Those men who attend college are less likely to earn a diploma, and those who do earn a diploma are less likely to go on to graduate school. There are, thus, less American men earning PhDs in math and science, and because American women have not stepped in to fill the breach, the gap is being filled by foreign students. One writer has suggested that the decline in numbers of Americans studying advanced math and science may adversely affect national security.
Because gender runs near to the core of human identity and social meaning, the neglect of gender differences hinders our children in the guidance they receive about what it means to be an adult woman or man. Sax goes so far as to say that future generations will look back on this one and claim that “a fundamental cause for the unraveling of our social fabric was the neglect of gender in the raising of our children (p. 251).”
“Differences between girls and boys are natural. Those differences should be acknowledged, accepted, and exploited” (p. 63). The fact is that girls and boys differ in learning, risk assessment, the pursuit of education, in how they transition from boys and girls into men and women, and in many other ways. Parents and teachers need to adopt strategies that will get the best out of every child.
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“Contrary to the wishful thinking of feminists, bisexuals, and transsexuals, there are profound differences between males and females--and those differences are programmed within the DNA from the moment of conception. The brains of females and males are clearly "sexed," and testosterone and estrogen are the juices that augment maleness and femaleness.” These are the concluding comments from this well-written essay, “Gender Differences Are Real,” by Frank York at the Narth website http://www.narth.com/docs/york.html.
From ScienceDaily http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/03/080303120346.htm the essay, “Boys' And Girls' Brains Are Different: Gender Differences In Language Appear Biological,” discusses the biological basis that may explain why the gender differences exist.
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Contact Richard L. Weaver II
