When you are in charge, the sky is the limit

by Richard L. Weaver II

I don’t know exactly when it happened, but it was a dramatic, important, occurrence that put me in charge of my life. It was the point when I discovered that I am the teacher. It was the discovery that from every situation there can be something to learn. It was, indeed, when I realized that doing well — being successful — was totally and unequivocally in my hands, and in my hands only. Nobody else had that responsibility except me.

Although this point may be slow in coming, and for some it may never come at all — as they continue to blame others for their position, status, mood, or circumstances — the importance of this discovery cannot be underestimated. Why? Because it is a point, too, when you begin to depend on your intuition. It is a point when you begin to know what you know, and know that you know. You begin to trust yourself, and that is a key.

I think it’s easy to underestimate one’s own ability, knowledge, and foundation. And yet, we have it all. It’s all here: the facts, experience, and knowledge that we need to make decisions and take action.

Let me give you an example. One of the problems that I faced in directing a large, basic speech-communication course at the college level was plagiarism and cheating. When you are dealing with close to 3,000 undergraduates per year, you are going to have these problems. It can’t be avoided.

Early in my directing of the course, I would deal with students who said, “I didn’t know it was wrong.” Although I couldn’t believe they were being honest in saying this, other faculty would continually tell me that I had to make it clear to undergraduates what plagiarism and cheating involved. What was it exactly — spell it out for them?

For a very long time I resisted thinking first that I was being patronizing since this was college and students had clearly learned along the way that teachers expected the work they submitted to be theirs and not that of someone else. Second, I didn’t want to waste space in my student manual or time in my lectures to treat a topic so basic, so well-known, and so universal. In their guts people know right from wrong.

But, each year of my teaching I became more and more specific. I took the time in lecture, and explanations in the student manual expanded. I even instructed my graduate teaching assistants what they needed to say in their small groups. To me, it seemed like we were spending an inordinate amount of time on a topic everyone already knew about. And, besides, the number of plagiarism and cheating cases never seemed to diminish. Oh, the excuses no longer were “I didn’t know that was cheating,” since it was so clearly spelled out, to such things as, “I just didn’t have the time.”

I knew all along that students knew what plagiarism and cheating were. I knew that they could rely on their intuition about what was right and what was wrong. Not only could they do it, they did it all the time anyway in all their other activities and behaviors.

What I discovered — and what I really liked — about relying on my own intuition to make decisions is the power that it gave me. I never really thought about it as power, but my reliance on my own judgment and my dependence on myself as my advisor was like knowing where the seat of authority was located. And that authority was also a change agent.

If I wanted to make changes, I could do it. Richard Templar, in a book entitled The Rules of Life writes about control and change:

“Often the only ear we have is our own. The only definite influence we have is over ourselves. The only thing we can really, really change is exactly that — ourselves. Wonderful. What an opportunity to do some good. What a chance to make a real contribution. Begin with ourselves and let it spread outward. This way we don’t have to waste time preaching to those who won’t listen. We don’t have to waste effort or energy or resources on things over which we have no control and no certainty of any success. By changing ourselves, though, we can be assured of a result (p. 35)”

I can point to numbers of stages in my life where I depended on my intuition — and personal authority — to make the changes I thought necessary at that point. And, in looking back, I think that most of them were correct given the facts or circumstances of which I was aware at that point. It is always possible that a different decision would have been made when additional facts or consequences become known. And, too, decisions and actions can be changed given new information. When one is making important decisions, flexibility is key. Also, it is important to consult with others, to gather evidence, and to do your homework. All of this, of course, is assumed.

One of the things that occurred when I became my own teacher was not just thinking for myself but forming beliefs. With specific beliefs formed, then you can spend time looking for the facts to back them up, or vice versa, start accumulating facts and allow the facts to culminate in a belief, conclusion, or generalization. As I started holding specific beliefs, I found it easier to have things to think about. That was one of the reasons I enjoyed college so much, and both science and speech classes offered an enormous number of things to think about. Doing the thinking proved interesting, worthwhile, and challenging. Those who are badly adjusted or struggling, I’m sure, have difficulty having things outside of themselves to think about.

When I truly put myself in charge of my life, I realized that I could do anything I focused my mind on. Understand that this is your rational mind so you don’t set your goal on fantasies, illusions, and visions. Rather, you stay within reality and you deal with the truths of your abilities, capabilities, and potential. When you know yourself and depend on yourself, this becomes easy to do, and your aptitudes becomes clearly aligned with your attitudes.

Where being in charge has made the most difference is in my daily life. I love to accomplish things, to complete “to do” lists, and to get jobs finished. Although I take time out to relax, enjoy my family, travel, read, and appreciate my yard, when I am not relaxing I am an achiever. They say, “If you have a job to be done, give it to a busy person.” The sky becomes the limit because being in charge has made me the executor of my life. I am the finisher.

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Pauline Salvucci has an excellent essay, “Taking control of your life!,” at the website HealingWell.com in which she offers practical advice and specific suggestions. She ends her essay by saying: “Being in control of your life opens you up. The more you're able to stretch yourself, the more you'll access the benefits, depth and wisdom that come from using your mind, heart, spirit -- and the more you'll receive from what life has to offer. This is the important lesson. Learn it and live well!”

Reed Floren, in his essay, “10 Tips For Taking Control Of Your Life,” talks about: 1) Take proper care of yourself, 2) What are you grateful for?, 3) Look for proof rather than making assumptions, 4) Refrain from using absolutes, 5) Detach any negative thoughts, 6) Squash the “ANTs,” 7) Practice loving, touching and squeezing on your friends and family 8) Increase social activity, 9) Help others or volunteer for an organization, 10) Resist rumination with pattern interrupts.

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Copyright April, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.