"A good word travels far, a bad one farther." ---Proverbial
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The secret of happiness
by Richard L. Weaver II
There is a secret to happiness, and I will reveal it in this essay. I was sitting at our dining- room table finishing a lunch of an omelet made of fresh vegetables, a bowl of mixed fresh fruit, and a large cup of iced half-and-half decaffeinated /caffeinated coffee with skim milk. As usual, I was reading. But the sun was shining in from the window in back of me, and when I looked out the front windows, I noticed blue sky. What occurred to me at that moment and what has recurred often, was how incredibly happy I am. Of course, when I think I am happy, as a writer, I want to not just capture the moment, but I want to think about it, examine it, analyze it, and, eventually, write about it. For me, that is the etymology of this essay.
In writing, there is a convergence that sometimes occurs when I am thinking about a subject and on one of my weekly excursions to the local public library, I discover a book on the same topic. One such trip produced Richard Schoch’s book, The Secrets of Happiness: Three Thousand Years of Searching for the Good Life (Scribner, 2006). In this essay I have borrowed from Schoch’s ideas --- sometimes verbatim and sometimes only slightly --- and it is his thinking that has, for the most part, guided my own. I have refrained from using quotation marks every time because it interferes with reading, but make no mistake about it, much of this essay relies on Schoch's fine book.
Webster’s Dictionary defines happiness as “the pleasurable experience that springs from possession of good or the gratification of desires.” Also, they add as a second definition for happiness: good fortune, luck, and prosperity. It is easy to believe that what I experienced (explained in paragraph one) can be easily explained using the synonyms Webster’s supplies for the word happiness: bliss, cheer, comfort, contentment, delight, enjoyment, joy, mirth, pleasure, or satisfaction. If that’s all there is — feel-good moments — then that is what I have.
Of course, if that’s all there is, then we all have feel-good moments. Walking on the beach along the ocean, scoring the winning points in an athletic contest, experiencing something extraordinary with a loved one, being swept up and carried away by a rapturous piece of music, or, reading a well-crafted, creative, and engaging novel. These are the kinds of incidents that delightfully crowd our lives and, with enough of them, could by the warmth and glow that radiates inside us when they occur, constitute a happy life. Such feelings, however, are only the beginning of happiness.
Beginning? There is more to happiness than pleasurable experiences. For example, what about the integrity of your values and beliefs? What about your accomplishments? What about those you love? What about your legacy — what you are leaving to the world? What about the well-being of people in your life? And, what about the well-being of people not in your life? This level of happiness suggests that it involves more than pleasing yourself; it means pleasing others, especially those you are destined never to know. It may be that happiness isn’t as much about feeling good as it is about being good.
In his Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle insists that we are created for happiness; it is the ultimate goal of life. But, Aristotle argues, it does not come to us easily. He continues by pointing out that those “feel-good moments” mentioned above, do not and cannot make a whole life happy. Aristotle believed that happiness is an activity and by that he meant that it requires skill, concentration, and focus — it demands active effort. We must resolve to achieve it.
The statement, “I am happy,” has no objective meaning. That is, you cannot tell what those three words mean without knowing the person, the subject, and the context in which it is made. It takes on its meaning only when its frame of reference is described because it means something different to every person who utters it. For example, go back and read the first paragraph of this essay to see if you can decipher what I meant when I said, “I am incredibly happy.” Was it the food, the sunshine, the book, or a combination of these? Could it have been thoughts of contentment because of a wonderful family, substantial and rewarding achievements, and a secure financial future? On the other hand, could it have been the completion of a satisfying vacation and the prospects of another one coming up soon? Or, in still another scenario, could it simply have been a reflection on a satisfying and fulfilling life?
What this examination proves is that happiness is less an objective fact to be encountered in the world and more an experience to be cultivated by each one of us. With this as a base, then, it is better not to speak of any single secret of happiness that would be applicable to everyone, rather it makes more sense to discuss a secret of happiness that is unique and specific to each person. It can never by identical between people because each person controls its definition and parameters. Even a similar culture, community, or family will not and can not create a uniform or interchangeable “happiness.” Individuals face trials and tests that are uniquely their own just as they have distinctive thoughts, beliefs, needs, hopes, and desires so that their happiness rises up in correspondingly idiosyncratic ways. Your happiness belongs to you and you alone.
I often explained this to my student advisees in college who set as one of their goals “to be happy.” Happiness is not something that you will find elsewhere and import into your life, I told them. It is something over which you have direct control; you make it happen. So often, students will set their goals too high. They want to be number one, the very best, the top student. They want to experience the firework displays, palpitations, and extreme of feelings that go with being declared the winner. Better that they reduce their expectations to realistic proportions, set goals and make plans that are clearly attainable and within their reach, and make their own happiness through rational, pragmatic, level-headed, and sensible thinking.
In his book, The Secrets of Happiness, Schoch says that “Every conception of the good life that has emerged throughout history, in whatever culture, takes up the same four themes: pleasure, desire, reason, and suffering. These,” says Schoch, “are the irreducible elements of our happiness, its fundamental shape, its indelible nature. These are the things we reckon with as we strive to become happy. But we reckon with them in a particular way: we must be able to moderate pleasure, to control desire, to transcend (or rely on) reason, and to endure suffering (p. 21).”
The secret to happiness is that it does not fit into precise categories; it can be conjured in moments of your experiences. It depends on your pleasure and your desire. With a reasoned approach, and a willingness to endure suffering as you proceed, happiness is attainable in both “feel-good moments” and in a “being-good lifestyle.”
-----
SelfGrowth.com, includes an essay, “What is Happiness and How to Achieve It?,” by Ashok Kumar Gupta. This is an excellent essay with a great deal of useful advice.
David B. Bohl has written an essay, “Four steps to achieve happiness, fulfillment, and success in your life,” at the Dumb Little Man: Tips for Life website, where he lists, 1) Visualize, 2) Take responsibility, 3) Learn, and 4) Appreciate as the four steps. He ends his essay saying, “By doing this you will setup the perfect recipe for happiness in your life – and will be a better person because of it.”
-----
Copyright October, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
There is a secret to happiness, and I will reveal it in this essay. I was sitting at our dining- room table finishing a lunch of an omelet made of fresh vegetables, a bowl of mixed fresh fruit, and a large cup of iced half-and-half decaffeinated /caffeinated coffee with skim milk. As usual, I was reading. But the sun was shining in from the window in back of me, and when I looked out the front windows, I noticed blue sky. What occurred to me at that moment and what has recurred often, was how incredibly happy I am. Of course, when I think I am happy, as a writer, I want to not just capture the moment, but I want to think about it, examine it, analyze it, and, eventually, write about it. For me, that is the etymology of this essay.
In writing, there is a convergence that sometimes occurs when I am thinking about a subject and on one of my weekly excursions to the local public library, I discover a book on the same topic. One such trip produced Richard Schoch’s book, The Secrets of Happiness: Three Thousand Years of Searching for the Good Life (Scribner, 2006). In this essay I have borrowed from Schoch’s ideas --- sometimes verbatim and sometimes only slightly --- and it is his thinking that has, for the most part, guided my own. I have refrained from using quotation marks every time because it interferes with reading, but make no mistake about it, much of this essay relies on Schoch's fine book.
Webster’s Dictionary defines happiness as “the pleasurable experience that springs from possession of good or the gratification of desires.” Also, they add as a second definition for happiness: good fortune, luck, and prosperity. It is easy to believe that what I experienced (explained in paragraph one) can be easily explained using the synonyms Webster’s supplies for the word happiness: bliss, cheer, comfort, contentment, delight, enjoyment, joy, mirth, pleasure, or satisfaction. If that’s all there is — feel-good moments — then that is what I have.
Of course, if that’s all there is, then we all have feel-good moments. Walking on the beach along the ocean, scoring the winning points in an athletic contest, experiencing something extraordinary with a loved one, being swept up and carried away by a rapturous piece of music, or, reading a well-crafted, creative, and engaging novel. These are the kinds of incidents that delightfully crowd our lives and, with enough of them, could by the warmth and glow that radiates inside us when they occur, constitute a happy life. Such feelings, however, are only the beginning of happiness.
Beginning? There is more to happiness than pleasurable experiences. For example, what about the integrity of your values and beliefs? What about your accomplishments? What about those you love? What about your legacy — what you are leaving to the world? What about the well-being of people in your life? And, what about the well-being of people not in your life? This level of happiness suggests that it involves more than pleasing yourself; it means pleasing others, especially those you are destined never to know. It may be that happiness isn’t as much about feeling good as it is about being good.
In his Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle insists that we are created for happiness; it is the ultimate goal of life. But, Aristotle argues, it does not come to us easily. He continues by pointing out that those “feel-good moments” mentioned above, do not and cannot make a whole life happy. Aristotle believed that happiness is an activity and by that he meant that it requires skill, concentration, and focus — it demands active effort. We must resolve to achieve it.
The statement, “I am happy,” has no objective meaning. That is, you cannot tell what those three words mean without knowing the person, the subject, and the context in which it is made. It takes on its meaning only when its frame of reference is described because it means something different to every person who utters it. For example, go back and read the first paragraph of this essay to see if you can decipher what I meant when I said, “I am incredibly happy.” Was it the food, the sunshine, the book, or a combination of these? Could it have been thoughts of contentment because of a wonderful family, substantial and rewarding achievements, and a secure financial future? On the other hand, could it have been the completion of a satisfying vacation and the prospects of another one coming up soon? Or, in still another scenario, could it simply have been a reflection on a satisfying and fulfilling life?
What this examination proves is that happiness is less an objective fact to be encountered in the world and more an experience to be cultivated by each one of us. With this as a base, then, it is better not to speak of any single secret of happiness that would be applicable to everyone, rather it makes more sense to discuss a secret of happiness that is unique and specific to each person. It can never by identical between people because each person controls its definition and parameters. Even a similar culture, community, or family will not and can not create a uniform or interchangeable “happiness.” Individuals face trials and tests that are uniquely their own just as they have distinctive thoughts, beliefs, needs, hopes, and desires so that their happiness rises up in correspondingly idiosyncratic ways. Your happiness belongs to you and you alone.
I often explained this to my student advisees in college who set as one of their goals “to be happy.” Happiness is not something that you will find elsewhere and import into your life, I told them. It is something over which you have direct control; you make it happen. So often, students will set their goals too high. They want to be number one, the very best, the top student. They want to experience the firework displays, palpitations, and extreme of feelings that go with being declared the winner. Better that they reduce their expectations to realistic proportions, set goals and make plans that are clearly attainable and within their reach, and make their own happiness through rational, pragmatic, level-headed, and sensible thinking.
In his book, The Secrets of Happiness, Schoch says that “Every conception of the good life that has emerged throughout history, in whatever culture, takes up the same four themes: pleasure, desire, reason, and suffering. These,” says Schoch, “are the irreducible elements of our happiness, its fundamental shape, its indelible nature. These are the things we reckon with as we strive to become happy. But we reckon with them in a particular way: we must be able to moderate pleasure, to control desire, to transcend (or rely on) reason, and to endure suffering (p. 21).”
The secret to happiness is that it does not fit into precise categories; it can be conjured in moments of your experiences. It depends on your pleasure and your desire. With a reasoned approach, and a willingness to endure suffering as you proceed, happiness is attainable in both “feel-good moments” and in a “being-good lifestyle.”
-----
SelfGrowth.com, includes an essay, “What is Happiness and How to Achieve It?,” by Ashok Kumar Gupta. This is an excellent essay with a great deal of useful advice.
David B. Bohl has written an essay, “Four steps to achieve happiness, fulfillment, and success in your life,” at the Dumb Little Man: Tips for Life website, where he lists, 1) Visualize, 2) Take responsibility, 3) Learn, and 4) Appreciate as the four steps. He ends his essay saying, “By doing this you will setup the perfect recipe for happiness in your life – and will be a better person because of it.”
-----
Copyright October, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
SMOERs: Words of Wisdom
"The rule: Find the hero or heroine that lives within you. There lives in each of us a hero awaiting the call to action." ---H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Day #103 - Aim high.
Day #103 - Aim high.
SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
And Then Some News
Thursday’s essay is called, “The Secret of Happiness.” Although a number of sources think they know the answer, I have discovered it, and I include the answer (it will no longer be a secret!) in this essay. If I could put a smiley face or a lol here, it would be appropriate. This essay depends on Richard Schoch’s book, The Secrets of Happiness , for some of its insights, observations, and conclusions.
Share your link. Have you written anything about happiness? Are you a person who has lived a happy life? Do you know people who have? Can you share some insights about how to do it? What does it mean, how do you accomplish it? What would you like to tell people about happiness? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
The secret of happiness
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
I often explained this to my student advisees in college who set as one of their goals “to be happy.” Happiness is not something that you will find elsewhere and import into your life, I told them. It is something over which you have direct control; you make it happen. So often, students will set their goals too high. They want to be number one, the very best, the top student. They want to experience the firework displays, palpitations, and extreme of feelings that go with being declared the winner. Better that they reduce their expectations to realistic proportions, set goals and make plans that are clearly attainable and within their reach, and make their own happiness through rational, pragmatic, level-headed, and sensible thinking.
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
Share your link. Have you written anything about happiness? Are you a person who has lived a happy life? Do you know people who have? Can you share some insights about how to do it? What does it mean, how do you accomplish it? What would you like to tell people about happiness? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
The secret of happiness
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
I often explained this to my student advisees in college who set as one of their goals “to be happy.” Happiness is not something that you will find elsewhere and import into your life, I told them. It is something over which you have direct control; you make it happen. So often, students will set their goals too high. They want to be number one, the very best, the top student. They want to experience the firework displays, palpitations, and extreme of feelings that go with being declared the winner. Better that they reduce their expectations to realistic proportions, set goals and make plans that are clearly attainable and within their reach, and make their own happiness through rational, pragmatic, level-headed, and sensible thinking.
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
Monday, October 26, 2009
Book Review Mondays
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: |
Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
Lavinthal and Rozler divide their 230-page book into three sections, “Friendly Conversation,” “Your Buddy List: The People in Your Social Stratosphere,” and “That’s What Friends are (And Aren’t) For.” Honestly, this is a frank, straightforward, and very practical approach to friendship; however, what makes it truly a pleasure to read is the wit and charm the authors add. With just a dash of sarcasm, irony, and cynicism, the authors make this a must read for all those looking for, involved in, or just getting out of a friendship. Lavinthal is an editor at Cosmopolitan magazine, and Rozler works in book publishing and their experience in writing is obvious in this young, hip, and totally cool book. Here is a typical example of their approach: “No matter how many times a particular male friend has said to you, ‘You’re like a sister to me,’ a part of him can’t help picturing you naked. (Gee, we wonder what part.) His crush might seem harmless at first — that is, until he buys you a white suede outfit to replace the one you borrowed from your mom in exchange for pretending to be his girlfriend.’”
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: |
by Andrew J. Bacevich
Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
In this 182-page book with a dozen pages of notes, Bacevich discusses the problems facing our economy, the difficulty created by an imperial presidency, and the seriousness of being involved in endless wars and suggests that all our problems have been exacerbated by this country’s continual quest for more. This is not a book for Democrats or Republicans, and Bacevich writes in an unbiased manner. I recommend the book regardless of your views. As a professor history and international relations at Boston University, a colonel in the U.S. Army and a member of the Council on Foreign Relations, he brings tremendous experience, credibility, and expertise to his insights and conclusions. His writing is fluent, succinct, concise, intelligent, and never boring or dry. This is a powerful book that explains our country’s practice of exceptionalism (illusions of grandeur) and the difficulties that result from it. Bacevich writes with intelligence, passion, and clarity, and this book is a thought-provoking and approachable analysis.
----
Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorksRules.com website.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Weekend Words
"How strangely do we diminish a thing as soon as we try to express it in words." ---Maurice Maeterlinck
Thursday, October 22, 2009
When what we have is not enough
by Richard L. Weaver II
Although it is great to believe that we have unlimited strength and ability, we are truly limited in many, many ways. So often, we avoid situations where our insufficient strength and ability would appear for all the world to see and judge. For example, those who lack the strength to talk in front of others will avoid any class they know that contains public speaking.
At times in life we have no choice, and we are faced with circumstances where our own strength and ability is insufficient or, more importantly, we think our strength and ability is (or will be) insufficient. For example, a sudden car crash can leave us bewildered and seemingly unfit to deal with the consequences. And yet, in most such situations, we dig deeply, or take a deep breath, and suddenly, the adrenalin kicks in, and the necessary resources are available.
In another example, a spouse turns to us one day and surprises us by saying he or she no longer loves us and wants a divorce or separation. Although our emotions may be taxed to their utmost, and we may need some time to try to put our feelings into the proper context, or at least reconcile the elements we’re facing, we still have to summon the strength to respond in some coherent fashion.
The examples, unfortunately, are plentiful. A miscarriage or the death of a child, the death or serious injury to a family member or loved one, a business we’re heavily invested in goes belly-up, a child flunks a test or flunks out of school, and the list could go on and on. There is no end to difficulties, emergencies, disasters, calamities, and catastrophes — extraordinary crises that demand an urgent response — all our strength and ability focused in a specific direction.
I have heard many say, “Life [or God] doesn’t hand us any situation we are unable to handle.” Of course, this is nonsense. Here is one person’s comment about a broken relationship: “I feel that this is happening to make me stronger, but at the same time I really don't feel like I can handle it right now. I get severe panic and anxiety. I don't like to be alone. I don't have friends and little contact with family. My ex-boyfriend of 11 years [not the one who broke up my current relationship] and I are keeping contact and are best friends, and he is the only glue holding me together right now. Things just did not work out with us.” So often we don’t have the strength or the ability to deal with circumstances.
So the question becomes, how do we develop the strength and ability to deal with the unexpected or, as I call it, the “surprise factor.” Is it even possible? Can you even do it?
The answer is clearly, “Yes!” Sufficient strength and ability can be developed and can always be available to us, but it requires preparation, not luck. It takes commitment not chance. And, it takes perseverance, not fortunate circumstances.
How do you do it? What is important is that you have a reservoir of available strength and abilities that you can depend upon in times of stress and need. This isn’t a last-minute dependence, one dependent on the moment. Remember, when you are using all your strength and ability to deal with the needs and stresses of the moment, you are extending yourself to your limits. You have no reserve.
You build a reservoir in good times, not bad. You read widely, listen closely, discover broadly, talk extensively, travel abundantly, and, at every opportunity, you learn, build, grow, develop, and change in positive, healthy directions everyday throughout your life. The only way to have enough tools in your toolbox when crisis strikes is to accumulate those tools on a continuing, ongoing, relentless, unceasing, and steady basis. You let every circumstance become a teacher, and the coordinate understanding is, there is no event, incident, or episode that has nothing to teach you. You make a commitment to long-term learning.
It is the result of all this work that is essential. The result will be greater self-confidence, stronger self-discipline, and a sense of empowerment.
Personal power comes from possessing a core of information, knowledge, and understanding. The power provides the basis for the self-confidence, and the self-discipline comes from the training of the mind, spirit, and body through self-education — the reading, listening, discovering, traveling, learning, growing, and developing. With this base, you begin experiencing new things, take risks, and stretch your mind, body, and abilities to new heights.
With your development as a more informed and knowledgeable person, there are several things you can do to make the events, and your feelings about them, easier to bear. First, stay active and useful to feel like you have a sense of control. Second, you must not avoid (run from) the situation; facing it will help you come to terms with it. For example, go to the funeral, view the body, return to the scene, inspect the losses, visit the ill, seek out the injured. Third, talk about your experiences and how you feel about them. Also, listen to others who have been affected. Fourth, be as open to receiving support and comfort from others (the concerned) as you are to giving support and comfort. Fifth, make time and space for you to be alone with your thoughts and feelings. Sixth, maintain your physical and mental health by eating right, sleeping well, and getting enough exercise.
Once you have your feelings under control, you are in a better position to deal with the crisis. First, remember that you are not alone. Seek out support from a group or from those around you. Lean on your friends and family as necessary. You need people to listen to you. When you find people you can trust, talk out your emotions. Express your feelings of sorrow, anger, anxiety, confusion, or frustration. Professional counselors or therapists may help in your coping and decision making. Ask for help. Take one day at a time and, if necessary, just one hour at a time. Stay active with your normal routines and exercise regularly. Exercising gives you time to think and reflect. Getting sleep and good nutrition will help you make decisions and reduce tensions. Focus only on the tasks you can complete, and completing small tasks will empower you and keep you in control. Know your strengths and realize you possess much of the personal strength you’ll need to deal with this crisis. Remain hopeful. You will get through this, and you will have a positive future. People have experiences like yours, deal with them successfully, and go on to lead vibrant, productive, fulfilling lives. The future may be cloudy for you now, but being productive, positive, and hopeful will set you on the right course.
-----
At about.com, Jennifer Wolf has written an excellent essay, “How To Survive a Personal Crisis,” that includes a great deal of practical, realistic advice.
At UniSA, there is a “Learning and Teaching Unit,” on “Managing a Personal Crisis,” that includes information on what is a crisis, how will you respond, why you may need help in a crisis, where to find help, and how counsellors can provide assistance. Also, there are additional links.
At entrepreneur.com, the essay by Heather Lloyd-Martin entitled, “Keep Your Head
How to keep your homebased business running strong in the middle of a personal crisis,” gives great advice — six specific, practical suggestions — on how to keep a homebased business running when a personal crisis occurs. A great essay.
-----
Copyright October, 2009 by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Although it is great to believe that we have unlimited strength and ability, we are truly limited in many, many ways. So often, we avoid situations where our insufficient strength and ability would appear for all the world to see and judge. For example, those who lack the strength to talk in front of others will avoid any class they know that contains public speaking.
At times in life we have no choice, and we are faced with circumstances where our own strength and ability is insufficient or, more importantly, we think our strength and ability is (or will be) insufficient. For example, a sudden car crash can leave us bewildered and seemingly unfit to deal with the consequences. And yet, in most such situations, we dig deeply, or take a deep breath, and suddenly, the adrenalin kicks in, and the necessary resources are available.
In another example, a spouse turns to us one day and surprises us by saying he or she no longer loves us and wants a divorce or separation. Although our emotions may be taxed to their utmost, and we may need some time to try to put our feelings into the proper context, or at least reconcile the elements we’re facing, we still have to summon the strength to respond in some coherent fashion.
The examples, unfortunately, are plentiful. A miscarriage or the death of a child, the death or serious injury to a family member or loved one, a business we’re heavily invested in goes belly-up, a child flunks a test or flunks out of school, and the list could go on and on. There is no end to difficulties, emergencies, disasters, calamities, and catastrophes — extraordinary crises that demand an urgent response — all our strength and ability focused in a specific direction.
I have heard many say, “Life [or God] doesn’t hand us any situation we are unable to handle.” Of course, this is nonsense. Here is one person’s comment about a broken relationship: “I feel that this is happening to make me stronger, but at the same time I really don't feel like I can handle it right now. I get severe panic and anxiety. I don't like to be alone. I don't have friends and little contact with family. My ex-boyfriend of 11 years [not the one who broke up my current relationship] and I are keeping contact and are best friends, and he is the only glue holding me together right now. Things just did not work out with us.” So often we don’t have the strength or the ability to deal with circumstances.
So the question becomes, how do we develop the strength and ability to deal with the unexpected or, as I call it, the “surprise factor.” Is it even possible? Can you even do it?
The answer is clearly, “Yes!” Sufficient strength and ability can be developed and can always be available to us, but it requires preparation, not luck. It takes commitment not chance. And, it takes perseverance, not fortunate circumstances.
How do you do it? What is important is that you have a reservoir of available strength and abilities that you can depend upon in times of stress and need. This isn’t a last-minute dependence, one dependent on the moment. Remember, when you are using all your strength and ability to deal with the needs and stresses of the moment, you are extending yourself to your limits. You have no reserve.
You build a reservoir in good times, not bad. You read widely, listen closely, discover broadly, talk extensively, travel abundantly, and, at every opportunity, you learn, build, grow, develop, and change in positive, healthy directions everyday throughout your life. The only way to have enough tools in your toolbox when crisis strikes is to accumulate those tools on a continuing, ongoing, relentless, unceasing, and steady basis. You let every circumstance become a teacher, and the coordinate understanding is, there is no event, incident, or episode that has nothing to teach you. You make a commitment to long-term learning.
It is the result of all this work that is essential. The result will be greater self-confidence, stronger self-discipline, and a sense of empowerment.
Personal power comes from possessing a core of information, knowledge, and understanding. The power provides the basis for the self-confidence, and the self-discipline comes from the training of the mind, spirit, and body through self-education — the reading, listening, discovering, traveling, learning, growing, and developing. With this base, you begin experiencing new things, take risks, and stretch your mind, body, and abilities to new heights.
With your development as a more informed and knowledgeable person, there are several things you can do to make the events, and your feelings about them, easier to bear. First, stay active and useful to feel like you have a sense of control. Second, you must not avoid (run from) the situation; facing it will help you come to terms with it. For example, go to the funeral, view the body, return to the scene, inspect the losses, visit the ill, seek out the injured. Third, talk about your experiences and how you feel about them. Also, listen to others who have been affected. Fourth, be as open to receiving support and comfort from others (the concerned) as you are to giving support and comfort. Fifth, make time and space for you to be alone with your thoughts and feelings. Sixth, maintain your physical and mental health by eating right, sleeping well, and getting enough exercise.
Once you have your feelings under control, you are in a better position to deal with the crisis. First, remember that you are not alone. Seek out support from a group or from those around you. Lean on your friends and family as necessary. You need people to listen to you. When you find people you can trust, talk out your emotions. Express your feelings of sorrow, anger, anxiety, confusion, or frustration. Professional counselors or therapists may help in your coping and decision making. Ask for help. Take one day at a time and, if necessary, just one hour at a time. Stay active with your normal routines and exercise regularly. Exercising gives you time to think and reflect. Getting sleep and good nutrition will help you make decisions and reduce tensions. Focus only on the tasks you can complete, and completing small tasks will empower you and keep you in control. Know your strengths and realize you possess much of the personal strength you’ll need to deal with this crisis. Remain hopeful. You will get through this, and you will have a positive future. People have experiences like yours, deal with them successfully, and go on to lead vibrant, productive, fulfilling lives. The future may be cloudy for you now, but being productive, positive, and hopeful will set you on the right course.
-----
At about.com, Jennifer Wolf has written an excellent essay, “How To Survive a Personal Crisis,” that includes a great deal of practical, realistic advice.
At UniSA, there is a “Learning and Teaching Unit,” on “Managing a Personal Crisis,” that includes information on what is a crisis, how will you respond, why you may need help in a crisis, where to find help, and how counsellors can provide assistance. Also, there are additional links.
At entrepreneur.com, the essay by Heather Lloyd-Martin entitled, “Keep Your Head
How to keep your homebased business running strong in the middle of a personal crisis,” gives great advice — six specific, practical suggestions — on how to keep a homebased business running when a personal crisis occurs. A great essay.
-----
Copyright October, 2009 by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
SMOERs: Words of Wisdom
"If we are to survive, we must have ideas, vision, and courage. These things are rarely produced by committees. Everything that matters in our intellectual and moral life begins with an individual confronting his own mind and conscience in a room by himself." ---Arthur M. Schlesinger
Day #102 - Think positive.
Day #102 - Think positive.
SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
And Then Some News
Thursday’s essay is called, “When what we have is not enough.” There is no sense in waiting until a crisis or emergency hits, you can begin preparation right now that will help you face any accident, disaster, calamity, or catastrophe that you will ever face, and this essay explains in some detail exactly how you can begin preparing right now. It is worth a read just for its practical, utilitarian suggestions.
Share your link. Have you written anything about survival? Are you a person who has faced a crisis and dealt with it successfully? How important is early preparation in preparing you for emergencies? What kind of preparation makes the most sense? Can you share some insights about how to prepare, how important it is, or what happens when there is a lack of sufficient preparation? What would you like to tell people about the importance of preparation? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
When what we have is not enough
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
With your development as a more informed and knowledgeable person, there are several things you can do to make the events, and your feelings about them, easier to bear. First, stay active and useful to feel like you have a sense of control. Second, you must not avoid (run from) the situation; facing it will help you come to terms with it. For example, go to the funeral, view the body, return to the scene, inspect the losses, visit the ill, seek out the injured. Third, talk about your experiences and how you feel about them. Also, listen to others who have been affected. Fourth, be as open to receiving support and comfort from others (the concerned) as you are to giving support and comfort. Fifth, make time and space for you to be alone with your thoughts and feelings. Sixth, maintain your physical and mental health by eating right, sleeping well, and getting enough exercise.
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
Share your link. Have you written anything about survival? Are you a person who has faced a crisis and dealt with it successfully? How important is early preparation in preparing you for emergencies? What kind of preparation makes the most sense? Can you share some insights about how to prepare, how important it is, or what happens when there is a lack of sufficient preparation? What would you like to tell people about the importance of preparation? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
When what we have is not enough
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
With your development as a more informed and knowledgeable person, there are several things you can do to make the events, and your feelings about them, easier to bear. First, stay active and useful to feel like you have a sense of control. Second, you must not avoid (run from) the situation; facing it will help you come to terms with it. For example, go to the funeral, view the body, return to the scene, inspect the losses, visit the ill, seek out the injured. Third, talk about your experiences and how you feel about them. Also, listen to others who have been affected. Fourth, be as open to receiving support and comfort from others (the concerned) as you are to giving support and comfort. Fifth, make time and space for you to be alone with your thoughts and feelings. Sixth, maintain your physical and mental health by eating right, sleeping well, and getting enough exercise.
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
Monday, October 19, 2009
Book Review Mondays
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: |
by Lee Israel
Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
For this 129-page book, I begin by quoting from an Amazon.com review: “Barely repentant and witheringly funny, Israel recalls her short life of literary crime as, first, the forger of signed letters by such personages as Dorothy Parker, Noel Coward, and Louise Brooks, and then, more desperately, an out-and-out thief of such documents, all for resale to dealers and collectors. She has nearly as much fun telling her story as she did as a forger, and she proudly includes many examples of her handiwork.” David H. Lowenherz, the dealer who took her forgeries to the FBI and participated in the operation that caught her, writes this in his review of her book: “The book may be entertaining, but her betrayal, greed and immorality, are not so amusing to the scholars, collectors, dealers, and institutions she hurt. That her memoir should receive the imprimatur of Simon and Schuster says as much about the morality of publishers as her cashing in on her misdeeds. Have they no shame?” There is no doubt that Israel is a forger, and she admits it; however, she is also a delightful writer. If you are a person who enjoys books about books and writers, you will certainly enjoy this short memoir about a writer whose royalties dried up, and who then resorted to a life of crime to make ends meet.
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: |
by T. Boone Pickens
Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
I love reading about people who have been successful, who have faced challenges and overcome them, earned a great deal of money and lost it, only to rise again, and if that is what you are looking for, this is a good read. It’s not just a good read, it is inspiring and entertaining as well. He is certainly a man of determination and boundless energy who surrounded himself with dedicated, driven partners. Of 12 chapters, it is autobiographical in all but the last one, “The Big Idea: An Energy Plan for America.”. I don’t think it can be considered a business book, nor is it any kind of blueprint for making money. The outline of his national energy plan (to free us from our oil addiction) is interesting but not particularly new. This is a simplistic book, written in the first person, conversational style, and a quick read. But it is a book, too, that needed editing, and can be considered, an introductory overview and little more.
----
Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorksRules.com website.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Some of my favorite jokes
by Richard L. Weaver II
“This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: ‘Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: ‘Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....’
This is not a new joke, but it is one of my favorites, and based on a survey several years ago, it was the top joke in Australia.
Often there is no logical explanation for why a joke strikes me as funny. For example, look at this joke, and you will quickly see what I mean: “An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote, ‘Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.’
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: ‘There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.’
‘But,’ the dog replied, ‘that would make no sense at all.’”
Sometimes what attracts me to a joke is that a scientist or a philosopher is being quoted as in this joke: “A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, and he said, ‘it's no good trying to outrun it, it’s catching up.’
The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied ‘I’m not trying to outrun the lion, I’m trying to outrun you !’”
What drew my attention to the following joke was not just the fact that two professors were talking, but it was the fact that it takes several readings to get the joke — especially for a person who has an educated background. Why? Because he or she is trying to read into it or see something that, indeed, isn’t there: “A history professor and a psychology professor are sitting outside at a nudist colony. History professor: ‘Have you read Marx?’ Psychology professor: ‘Yes. I think it’s from the wicker chairs.’” It took me a minimum of three readings before I finally got the joke! (Oh, I know I’m dense. Don’t judge me!)
In addition to jokes that are complex at first reading, I also find jokes that use a play on words interesting. One I found particularly amusing was the following: “A man’s running his eye over a menu in a restaurant when his attractive waitress asks him what he’d fancy. ‘A quickie, please’ ‘Sir,’ she says, ‘I’ll ask you one more time, is there anything that takes your fancy?’ ‘Yes,’ says the man again. ‘A quickie.’ Outraged, she slaps him across the face and storms back across the restaurant in a huff. ‘Mate,’ says the guy at the next table, ‘it’s pronounced ‘quiche.’’”
Maybe it’s because I have a lawyer as a close friend, but I am consistently drawn to lawyer jokes. This one requires more than average understanding of a lawyer’s responsibilities. “A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. ‘There must be some mistake,’ the lawyer argues. ‘I’m too young to die. I’m only fifty five.’ ‘Fifty five?’ says Saint Peter. ‘No, according to our calculations, you’re eighty two.’ ‘How’d you get that?’ the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter: ‘We added up your time sheets.’”
Ellen Degeneres told this joke, and I like it simply because it shifts ground on you unexpectedly, and the surprise factor is wonderful: “Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks, and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.” Normally I don’t like “stupid” jokes, but the surprise factor outweighed its stupidity.
The surprise factor also applies to the following joke: “Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. ‘I’ll go into town for a doctor,’ the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. ‘I can’t leave,’ the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.’ The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?’ the victim asks. ‘He says you’re gonna die.’”
There are not many one-liners that I find more than merely amusing, and this one fits that bill precisely, but it asks a little of the reader as well: “I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it ‘Do not eat if seal is broken.’ So I opened up the box, and sure enough…”
What tickled me about the following joke is that it reminded me of something I might do. Passing a construction site where there is a hole in the stockade fence, I will inevitably look in: “A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, ‘Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!’ Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!’”
As a workaholic throughout my life, you will quickly see why the following joke appealed to me: “A lawyer, an accountant and a physicist are discussing, over a beer, whether life is better with a wife or with a girlfriend. ‘A wife is better,’ declares the lawyer, ‘because of the family support and the help she'll be to your career.’ ‘Nonsense,’ says the accountant. ‘A girlfriend is better: you can keep your independence and go out with your friends more.’ They turn to the physicist, who says, ‘It's better to have both. That way, the wife thinks you're with the girlfriend, the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife, and meanwhile you can be down at the lab!’”
As a former pre-med major and college professor, I found the following joke particularly relevant for both reasons: “A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. ‘Why do we have to learn this stuff?’ the frustrated student blurted out. ‘To save lives,’ the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. ‘So, how does physics save lives?’ The professor stared at the student without saying a word. ‘Physics saves lives,’ he finally continued, ‘because it keeps the idiots out of medical school.’”
I have had to exclude a number of jokes because of their length or content, but these (in this essay) represent a number of the categories that appeal. I listen to comedians, read joke books, and receive a large number of jokes by e-mail message. These are some favorites, and I’ll end on one that may well suit readers of this essay: “A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says the glass is half full. An engineer says, ‘Why all the wasted space?’” “Come on,” I say, “Get a life!”
-----
The book, How to be funny on purpose: Creating and consuming humor, by Dr. Edgar Willis, is a rare treat for a number of reasons. 1) It offers a delightful history of humor in the media, 2) It carefully, and with numerous examples, dissects and analyzes the way jokes are constructed, 3) It provides specific instructions on how to construct jokes, and 4) Along the way (throughout the book) he offers examples designed to illustrate, educate, and amuse. This is a sophisticated book designed for those who want a serious examination of humor.
At the website HumorPower, the essay by John Kinde, “Developing Original Humor for Your Talk: Most humor in the real-world setting is unplanned. It just happens,” provides a number of suggestions for developing humor that are realistic and useful.
-----
Copyright October, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
“This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: ‘Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: ‘Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....’
This is not a new joke, but it is one of my favorites, and based on a survey several years ago, it was the top joke in Australia.
Often there is no logical explanation for why a joke strikes me as funny. For example, look at this joke, and you will quickly see what I mean: “An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote, ‘Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.’
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: ‘There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.’
‘But,’ the dog replied, ‘that would make no sense at all.’”
Sometimes what attracts me to a joke is that a scientist or a philosopher is being quoted as in this joke: “A scientist and a philosopher were being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist made some quick calculations, and he said, ‘it's no good trying to outrun it, it’s catching up.’
The philosopher kept a little ahead and replied ‘I’m not trying to outrun the lion, I’m trying to outrun you !’”
What drew my attention to the following joke was not just the fact that two professors were talking, but it was the fact that it takes several readings to get the joke — especially for a person who has an educated background. Why? Because he or she is trying to read into it or see something that, indeed, isn’t there: “A history professor and a psychology professor are sitting outside at a nudist colony. History professor: ‘Have you read Marx?’ Psychology professor: ‘Yes. I think it’s from the wicker chairs.’” It took me a minimum of three readings before I finally got the joke! (Oh, I know I’m dense. Don’t judge me!)
In addition to jokes that are complex at first reading, I also find jokes that use a play on words interesting. One I found particularly amusing was the following: “A man’s running his eye over a menu in a restaurant when his attractive waitress asks him what he’d fancy. ‘A quickie, please’ ‘Sir,’ she says, ‘I’ll ask you one more time, is there anything that takes your fancy?’ ‘Yes,’ says the man again. ‘A quickie.’ Outraged, she slaps him across the face and storms back across the restaurant in a huff. ‘Mate,’ says the guy at the next table, ‘it’s pronounced ‘quiche.’’”
Maybe it’s because I have a lawyer as a close friend, but I am consistently drawn to lawyer jokes. This one requires more than average understanding of a lawyer’s responsibilities. “A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. ‘There must be some mistake,’ the lawyer argues. ‘I’m too young to die. I’m only fifty five.’ ‘Fifty five?’ says Saint Peter. ‘No, according to our calculations, you’re eighty two.’ ‘How’d you get that?’ the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter: ‘We added up your time sheets.’”
Ellen Degeneres told this joke, and I like it simply because it shifts ground on you unexpectedly, and the surprise factor is wonderful: “Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks, and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.” Normally I don’t like “stupid” jokes, but the surprise factor outweighed its stupidity.
The surprise factor also applies to the following joke: “Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. ‘I’ll go into town for a doctor,’ the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. ‘I can’t leave,’ the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.’ The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?’ the victim asks. ‘He says you’re gonna die.’”
There are not many one-liners that I find more than merely amusing, and this one fits that bill precisely, but it asks a little of the reader as well: “I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it ‘Do not eat if seal is broken.’ So I opened up the box, and sure enough…”
What tickled me about the following joke is that it reminded me of something I might do. Passing a construction site where there is a hole in the stockade fence, I will inevitably look in: “A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, ‘Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!’ Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!’”
As a workaholic throughout my life, you will quickly see why the following joke appealed to me: “A lawyer, an accountant and a physicist are discussing, over a beer, whether life is better with a wife or with a girlfriend. ‘A wife is better,’ declares the lawyer, ‘because of the family support and the help she'll be to your career.’ ‘Nonsense,’ says the accountant. ‘A girlfriend is better: you can keep your independence and go out with your friends more.’ They turn to the physicist, who says, ‘It's better to have both. That way, the wife thinks you're with the girlfriend, the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife, and meanwhile you can be down at the lab!’”
As a former pre-med major and college professor, I found the following joke particularly relevant for both reasons: “A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. ‘Why do we have to learn this stuff?’ the frustrated student blurted out. ‘To save lives,’ the professor responded before continuing the lecture. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. ‘So, how does physics save lives?’ The professor stared at the student without saying a word. ‘Physics saves lives,’ he finally continued, ‘because it keeps the idiots out of medical school.’”
I have had to exclude a number of jokes because of their length or content, but these (in this essay) represent a number of the categories that appeal. I listen to comedians, read joke books, and receive a large number of jokes by e-mail message. These are some favorites, and I’ll end on one that may well suit readers of this essay: “A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says the glass is half full. An engineer says, ‘Why all the wasted space?’” “Come on,” I say, “Get a life!”
-----
The book, How to be funny on purpose: Creating and consuming humor, by Dr. Edgar Willis, is a rare treat for a number of reasons. 1) It offers a delightful history of humor in the media, 2) It carefully, and with numerous examples, dissects and analyzes the way jokes are constructed, 3) It provides specific instructions on how to construct jokes, and 4) Along the way (throughout the book) he offers examples designed to illustrate, educate, and amuse. This is a sophisticated book designed for those who want a serious examination of humor.
At the website HumorPower, the essay by John Kinde, “Developing Original Humor for Your Talk: Most humor in the real-world setting is unplanned. It just happens,” provides a number of suggestions for developing humor that are realistic and useful.
-----
Copyright October, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
SMOERs: Words of Wisdom
"Youth comes but once in a lifetime." ---Longfellow
Day #101 - Appreciate your youth, but know that it is fleeting.
Day #101 - Appreciate your youth, but know that it is fleeting.
SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
And Then Some News
Thursday’s essay is called, “Some of my favorite jokes.” You know, it’s close to the middle of October, and it just seems to be the right time for some humor. There are many reasons for this essay: to revive the spirit, enliven everyday existence, spice up thoughts, brighten days, uplift hearts, buoy up feelings, invigorate souls, refresh outlooks, and stimulate funny bones. You realize, don’t you, that the best thing we can have up your sleeve is a funny bone?
But there is yet one more reason for this essay, and it is to tease you! The next book to be released by And Then Some Publishing (after Relationship Rules) will be called: LAUGH LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW: OVER 2,000 JOKES FROM THE INTERNET. This essay is but a tease. If you like jokes, you're going to love the book LAUGH, so be teased and enjoy it for the best is yet to come.
Share your link. Have you written anything about humor? Are you a person who has the ability to tell jokes? How important has humor been in your life? How or why? Can you share some insights about how to develop it, how important it is, or what happens when a sense of humor is lost? What would you like to tell people about the importance of humor? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
Some of my favorite jokes
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
Ellen Degeneres told this joke, and I like it simply because it shifts ground on you unexpectedly, and the surprise factor is wonderful: “Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks, and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.” Normally I don’t like “stupid” jokes, but the surprise factor outweighed its stupidity.
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
But there is yet one more reason for this essay, and it is to tease you! The next book to be released by And Then Some Publishing (after Relationship Rules) will be called: LAUGH LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW: OVER 2,000 JOKES FROM THE INTERNET. This essay is but a tease. If you like jokes, you're going to love the book LAUGH, so be teased and enjoy it for the best is yet to come.
Share your link. Have you written anything about humor? Are you a person who has the ability to tell jokes? How important has humor been in your life? How or why? Can you share some insights about how to develop it, how important it is, or what happens when a sense of humor is lost? What would you like to tell people about the importance of humor? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
Some of my favorite jokes
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
Ellen Degeneres told this joke, and I like it simply because it shifts ground on you unexpectedly, and the surprise factor is wonderful: “Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks, and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.” Normally I don’t like “stupid” jokes, but the surprise factor outweighed its stupidity.
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Book Review Mondays
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: |
by Betsy Block
Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
In this 261-page book, Block, a former writer of food features and restaurant reviews for the Boston Globe, offers an extremely readable, relevant, reliable, and relatable set of suggestions that are both humorous and informative. Her book is thoroughly researched. Block is the mother of two, and in this book you not only get excellent tips for feeding your family nutritiously — using locally grown ingredients that are toxin-free and healthful — but you get something that is much more interesting and fun. You get a woman who, from the trenches, is willing to relate her daily challenges (eating with her children, faced with a picky husband, contending with busy schedules, dealing with lunch trades, snack machines, and permissive grandparents) in making decisions regarding everything from fish, to meat, produce, and plastics. Not only does Block offer creative tips and nutritional information, but in this book you will read about a very funny mom (Block) who is on a food mission and, lucky for us readers, lets us in on her mission. This is just plain good fun!
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: |
by Oliver Sacks
Book Review by R. Scott Weaver.
We have all experienced a time when a song won’t leave our brain. We try to think of other songs or hum a different tune and yet the song imbeds itself into our head. That all too common human experience has been studied and the song has a name: an earworm. We learn about earworms and other strange, music-related syndromes in “Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain.” Neurologist and professor Dr. Oliver Sacks presents a collection of case studies and clinical observations with music at the core. Sacks is best known for his book “Awakenings” later made into a movie featuring Robin Williams and Robert DeNiro. In “Musicophilia,” we learn in minute detail how the wiring of the brain seems so conducive to music in both positive and negative ways. Sacks explores both the tragedy and triumph gained through and with music in the lives of those affected by disorders both familiar and bizarre. In one instance, we are introduced to an individual who literally cannot hear a melody. What would it be like to be in the word and yet not touched by music? We get a glimpse in the words of Dr. Sacks. From beginning to end, one cannot help but be fascinated by how music’s touch is so powerful in humans. And those earworms? Imagine spending your life with only one song that won’t leave you . . .
----
Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorksRules.com website.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Weekend Words
"Words are no good . . . words don't ever fit even what they are trying to say." ---William Faulkner
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Credibility has a direct influence on public-speaking effectiveness
by Richard L. Weaver II
When I taught the basic speech communication course, one of the cautions I offered students at the outset of the term, was to be careful about their credibility—their character in the eyes of others. Because their instructor, as well as their peers, would, at least in part, be determining their grade in the course, if they did things early-on in the course that would have a negative impact on their credibility, it would directly affect what occurred later.
You can’t make careless comments, come late to class, reveal characteristics that could make others question their trust in you, or show any degree of disrespect for the instructor or other class members, if you expect them to trust you, respect you, and value you later in the course.
The public-speaking portion of the course occurred during the final portion of the term, and speeches were evaluated by the instructor with direct input from all class members. Credibility has a direct influence on public-speaking effectiveness, just as it does on most aspects of our lives.
Carefully crafted credibility causes others to remain enthralled by your depth, complexity, and completeness. It not only captures attention but, often, causes others to want to emulate you.
Overall, it is important for you to look, sound, and act the part of a credible person. When your message and your credibility are not congruent (out of synchronization with each other), an unfavorable decision may be made.
The problem with credibility is first, that so many elements are involved in its composition. The second problem is that, often, it takes a long time to establish credibility, but it can disappear completely in the blink of an eye.
Why is it, for example, as Malcolm Gladwell, in his book, Blink (Little, Brown, 2005) explains, that art experts are able to detect forgeries nearly the second they look at an object? —Before they can conclusively even explain why they know it is a forgery, they can make a decision.
And the same is true for most people when they size-up others. Even though they may not be able to explain exactly why they feel as they do, they know whether or not they trust them. The difficulty is trying to isolate all the variables that make up credibility. Not only may some factors be personal, but the way factors interact also poses a problem.
One factor that may engender trust is the simple fact that someone took an interest in you, treated you as a personality, or made you feel important. It could be that they turned the spotlight on you—even if it was ever so briefly or quickly. It could be, too, that they simply let you know they were impressed by you.
When others let you know they are impressed by you, the most common reaction is to judge them the smartest, most knowledgeable and personable individuals in the world.
There are two levels of credibility. People often make judgments of speakers prior to the speech. Such judgments follow the cliche, “your reputation precedes you,” and they are based upon everything you know or have heard about speakers before you see and hear them in person. This is the level referred to in the opening paragraph of this essay when students are cautioned that what they do in class prior to the speech portion of the course, can hurt them.
All speakers can create a resume, establish credentials, build a reputation, or develop expertise, and all of these are important as speakers move toward delivering a speech. In general, however, they are completed before the speech occasion itself, and introducers of speakers make a point of highlighting many of those accomplishments.
But, the question here is, what can speakers do to build their credibility within the speech itself. It is the second level of credibility.
If you are a public speaker, and if your goal is to persuade others, there are a number of well-known, specific factors over which you have direct control. These factors can be grouped under the categories of competence, trustworthiness, and dynamism.
Competence is related to your knowledge base — how much you know. Are you trained, qualified, informed, and authoritative? The way to develop competence within a speech is to quote people who are acknowledged experts on your topic. Refer to your research effort, use the special vocabulary of experts, without being a verbal show off, and mention your personal involvement with your topic.
There are two other ways that can reveal competence, too, that are often overlooked. First, list the important facts or issues pertinent to your topic, even though you may later ignore all but a few of the issues during the body of your speech. People perceive lists as revealing knowledge or analytic skills.
Second, and this may be one of the most important ways people have to reveal competence, be organized. The organizational pattern you follow as you approach your topic is unimportant; the clarity of your organization reveals sound speech analysis.
Trustworthiness relates to the relationship you have with your audience in any particular speech context. Do listeners think you are kind, safe, friendly, and pleasant? To build trust, self-disclose (for example, what are your private reasons for being interested in your topic?), compliment your audience, ask for trust, demonstrate an awareness of alternative positions, claim your prior commitment (for example, remind your audience of your prior actions), claim common ground with your audience (for example, demonstrate that your basic orientation is compatible with theirs), and look your listeners in the eye as you communicate with them.
Dynamism is what is known as an activity dimension because it relates to how aggressive, bold, and forceful you are. To support dynamism within your speech, demonstrate active and emotional commitment to your topic. Be a fluent and purposeful speaker. And, by all means, exhibit an animated delivery style that verifies and underscores your concern, involvement, and interest.
As noted, credibility has a direct influence on public-speaking effectiveness, just as it does on most aspects of our lives. Not only must we be vigilant in constructing our credibility, but we must be even more vigilant and cautious in preserving it as well.
-----
Christine W. Zust, at the website EmergingLeader.com, has an essay entitled, “Communicating with credibility,” in which she discusses eight ways for developing (or maintaining) credibility: 1) align your verbal and nonverbal language, 2) lead by listening, 3) make realistic promises and keep them, 4) speak from the heart, 5) be yourself, 6) be an expert, 7) be honest, and 8) be proactive.
At the Thomas Group Ltd. website, there is a wonderful essay by Paul Thomas under his byline, “Thomas Tips,” entitled, “Establishing personal credibility,” which is specifically designed for those who are in, going in, or planning for a future in business. This is one of those “must read” essays full of practical, applicable, and useful suggestions.
You can read more about credibility in my book, Public Speaking Rules: All You Need for a Great Speech. Chapter 7, "Develop Your Credibility," (pages 75-92) discusses how you develop it through quality communication, before a speech, during a speech, and through interaction with your listeners. This book covers the nuts-and-bolts rules necessary for giving a great speech, and the book is both easy to read and easy to use.
-----
Copyright October, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
When I taught the basic speech communication course, one of the cautions I offered students at the outset of the term, was to be careful about their credibility—their character in the eyes of others. Because their instructor, as well as their peers, would, at least in part, be determining their grade in the course, if they did things early-on in the course that would have a negative impact on their credibility, it would directly affect what occurred later.
You can’t make careless comments, come late to class, reveal characteristics that could make others question their trust in you, or show any degree of disrespect for the instructor or other class members, if you expect them to trust you, respect you, and value you later in the course.
The public-speaking portion of the course occurred during the final portion of the term, and speeches were evaluated by the instructor with direct input from all class members. Credibility has a direct influence on public-speaking effectiveness, just as it does on most aspects of our lives.
Carefully crafted credibility causes others to remain enthralled by your depth, complexity, and completeness. It not only captures attention but, often, causes others to want to emulate you.
Overall, it is important for you to look, sound, and act the part of a credible person. When your message and your credibility are not congruent (out of synchronization with each other), an unfavorable decision may be made.
The problem with credibility is first, that so many elements are involved in its composition. The second problem is that, often, it takes a long time to establish credibility, but it can disappear completely in the blink of an eye.
Why is it, for example, as Malcolm Gladwell, in his book, Blink (Little, Brown, 2005) explains, that art experts are able to detect forgeries nearly the second they look at an object? —Before they can conclusively even explain why they know it is a forgery, they can make a decision.
And the same is true for most people when they size-up others. Even though they may not be able to explain exactly why they feel as they do, they know whether or not they trust them. The difficulty is trying to isolate all the variables that make up credibility. Not only may some factors be personal, but the way factors interact also poses a problem.
One factor that may engender trust is the simple fact that someone took an interest in you, treated you as a personality, or made you feel important. It could be that they turned the spotlight on you—even if it was ever so briefly or quickly. It could be, too, that they simply let you know they were impressed by you.
When others let you know they are impressed by you, the most common reaction is to judge them the smartest, most knowledgeable and personable individuals in the world.
There are two levels of credibility. People often make judgments of speakers prior to the speech. Such judgments follow the cliche, “your reputation precedes you,” and they are based upon everything you know or have heard about speakers before you see and hear them in person. This is the level referred to in the opening paragraph of this essay when students are cautioned that what they do in class prior to the speech portion of the course, can hurt them.
All speakers can create a resume, establish credentials, build a reputation, or develop expertise, and all of these are important as speakers move toward delivering a speech. In general, however, they are completed before the speech occasion itself, and introducers of speakers make a point of highlighting many of those accomplishments.
But, the question here is, what can speakers do to build their credibility within the speech itself. It is the second level of credibility.
If you are a public speaker, and if your goal is to persuade others, there are a number of well-known, specific factors over which you have direct control. These factors can be grouped under the categories of competence, trustworthiness, and dynamism.
Competence is related to your knowledge base — how much you know. Are you trained, qualified, informed, and authoritative? The way to develop competence within a speech is to quote people who are acknowledged experts on your topic. Refer to your research effort, use the special vocabulary of experts, without being a verbal show off, and mention your personal involvement with your topic.
There are two other ways that can reveal competence, too, that are often overlooked. First, list the important facts or issues pertinent to your topic, even though you may later ignore all but a few of the issues during the body of your speech. People perceive lists as revealing knowledge or analytic skills.
Second, and this may be one of the most important ways people have to reveal competence, be organized. The organizational pattern you follow as you approach your topic is unimportant; the clarity of your organization reveals sound speech analysis.
Trustworthiness relates to the relationship you have with your audience in any particular speech context. Do listeners think you are kind, safe, friendly, and pleasant? To build trust, self-disclose (for example, what are your private reasons for being interested in your topic?), compliment your audience, ask for trust, demonstrate an awareness of alternative positions, claim your prior commitment (for example, remind your audience of your prior actions), claim common ground with your audience (for example, demonstrate that your basic orientation is compatible with theirs), and look your listeners in the eye as you communicate with them.
Dynamism is what is known as an activity dimension because it relates to how aggressive, bold, and forceful you are. To support dynamism within your speech, demonstrate active and emotional commitment to your topic. Be a fluent and purposeful speaker. And, by all means, exhibit an animated delivery style that verifies and underscores your concern, involvement, and interest.
As noted, credibility has a direct influence on public-speaking effectiveness, just as it does on most aspects of our lives. Not only must we be vigilant in constructing our credibility, but we must be even more vigilant and cautious in preserving it as well.
-----
Christine W. Zust, at the website EmergingLeader.com, has an essay entitled, “Communicating with credibility,” in which she discusses eight ways for developing (or maintaining) credibility: 1) align your verbal and nonverbal language, 2) lead by listening, 3) make realistic promises and keep them, 4) speak from the heart, 5) be yourself, 6) be an expert, 7) be honest, and 8) be proactive.
At the Thomas Group Ltd. website, there is a wonderful essay by Paul Thomas under his byline, “Thomas Tips,” entitled, “Establishing personal credibility,” which is specifically designed for those who are in, going in, or planning for a future in business. This is one of those “must read” essays full of practical, applicable, and useful suggestions.
You can read more about credibility in my book, Public Speaking Rules: All You Need for a Great Speech. Chapter 7, "Develop Your Credibility," (pages 75-92) discusses how you develop it through quality communication, before a speech, during a speech, and through interaction with your listeners. This book covers the nuts-and-bolts rules necessary for giving a great speech, and the book is both easy to read and easy to use.
-----
Copyright October, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
SMOERs: Words of Wisdom
"An acre of performance is worth the whole world of promise." ---James Howell
Day #100 - Keep your promises.
Day #100 - Keep your promises.
SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com
An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.
Free 10-Day sample: smoers.com
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
And Then Some News
Thursday’s essay is called, “Credibility has a direct influence on public-speaking effectiveness.” This essay takes me back to my lectures in the basic speech-communication course I directed for many years. Why? Because, as you will read in the essay, I had to remind students that what they did (their behavior) in the first parts of the course would have a direct influence on the assessments they would receive later in the course. In this essay I discuss several important ways for developing it.
Share your link. Have you written anything about credibility? Are you a person who has had to develop his or her own credibility? What situations have you encountered in which credibility was an important factor? Can you share some insights about how to develop it, how important it is, or what happens when it is lost? How important has credibility been in your life? Why does it matter? What would you like to tell people about credibility? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
Credibility has a direct effect on public-speaking effectiveness
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
Trustworthiness relates to the relationship you have with your audience in any particular speech context. Do listeners think you are kind, safe, friendly, and pleasant? To build trust, self-disclose (for example, what are your private reasons for being interested in your topic?), compliment your audience, ask for trust, demonstrate an awareness of alternative positions, claim your prior commitment (for example, remind your audience of your prior actions), claim common ground with your audience (for example, demonstrate that your basic orientation is compatible with theirs), and look your listeners in the eye as you communicate with them.
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
Share your link. Have you written anything about credibility? Are you a person who has had to develop his or her own credibility? What situations have you encountered in which credibility was an important factor? Can you share some insights about how to develop it, how important it is, or what happens when it is lost? How important has credibility been in your life? Why does it matter? What would you like to tell people about credibility? Share your link with us. We’ll post it and move traffic in your direction. And, a big “thank you,” in advance, from AndThenSomeWorks.com, for sharing your link.
Thursday's And Then Some Essay preview:
Credibility has a direct effect on public-speaking effectiveness
by Richard L. Weaver II
Excerpt:
Trustworthiness relates to the relationship you have with your audience in any particular speech context. Do listeners think you are kind, safe, friendly, and pleasant? To build trust, self-disclose (for example, what are your private reasons for being interested in your topic?), compliment your audience, ask for trust, demonstrate an awareness of alternative positions, claim your prior commitment (for example, remind your audience of your prior actions), claim common ground with your audience (for example, demonstrate that your basic orientation is compatible with theirs), and look your listeners in the eye as you communicate with them.
And Then Some Works - see you Thursday!!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Book Review Mondays
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: |
by Richard Bandler
Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
In this 229-page book, Bandler offers readers techniques they can use to overcome their problems and begin to do what they want to do with their lives. This is a book of techniques along with stories and examples developed over more than 40 years of working with clients. What I most appreciated here was gaining insights into how Bandler approaches problems. His attitude of determination, perseverance, along with his sense of humor are contagious. One of the essential keys to successfully using the techniques here is being able to get out of your own way. That is, to take control of your life (what much of my own writing has been about) and making all the changes you desire, means taking action. The book is easy to read and understand, the exercises are simple and easily completed, the topics discussed cover universal problem areas, and if you commit yourself to doing them, your results will be amazing.
More information at Amazon.com No obligation to buy Click below: |
by Irene M. Pepperberg
Book Review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
If you are looking for a short (226 pages of text) enjoyable and yet informative read, this is a great little book. From the inside of the back cover it notes that “Irene M. Pepperberg is an associate research professor at Brandeis University in Massachusetts and teaches animal cognition at Harvard University.” This is the story of Dr. Pepperberg and her African gray parrot. It isn’t just about the parrot or their relationship, it is, too, about Pepperberg’s life. As a former university professor, I easily empathized with her efforts in finding a job and securing tenure. Her valiant efforts to find funding, publish papers, and obtain academic respect, credibility, and support are not uncommon. For some, this may be a distraction from the real story about Alex, his intelligence, training, reasoning ability, unique personality, and sense of humor. You will also learn of the interaction and communication between Pepperberg and Alex. If you are seeking a thorough, scientific exploration of an African Grey's cognitive abilities, then read Pepperberg's, The Alex Chronicles. Despite Pepperberg’s credentials (her academic background), this is a book written for a lay person with no academic background. It is easy-to-read, well written, and fascinating.
----
Through our reading, researching, and writing, And Then Some Publishing (and our extended family of readers) mine volumes of books representing a wide variety of tastes. We use the books in our writing, test and try suggested techniques, and we read for enjoyment as well. We wouldn't spend the time reviewing the books if we didn't get something out of it. Read more reviews on other fantastic books at our BookWorksRules.com website.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Weekend Words
"There is no use indicting words, they are no shoddier than what they peddle." ---Samuel Beckett
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Children must be taught discipline, but it is a slowly evolving process
by Richard L. Weaver II
Much of the disciplining that occurred as I was growing up happened at the end of my father’s leather belt. Fortunately, it seldom took place. Not that I didn’t ask for it, but my mother would often step in to protect me from my father’s wrath. I was very, very good at provoking it, or getting one of my two sisters in trouble. I had my reasons: It served as a way to express my feelings; I wanted my parents’ undivided attention; and I always sought a greater degree of independence. I was always pushing the frontiers of acceptability, trying to see how much I could get away with, and taking advantage of imposed limitations. If someone had asked my father, he would have described me as a strong-willed. challenging, difficult, and spirited child --- or a stubborn, hell-raising pistol who was just plain impossible at times!
Looking back on it, I understand that the discipline my father meted out reflected his own upbringing, and I am probably a better person because of it. But the memory of him unbuckling the fastener, pulling the belt out from its loops, and waving it in the air as the ultimate threat, is deeply etched in my psyche. I’m sure the consequences of physical punishment never crossed his mind — the possibility of injury, the lost opportunity to explain why my behavior was wrong and the chance to offer alternatives, the immediate pain and anger I felt, the possibility that I may have become withdrawn, fearful, or bullying, or even the possibility that I would try to avoid his physical punishment by lying or stealth. Actually, I became quite skilled at the latter.
The problem with how my father disciplined was that he equated discipline with punishment. Discipline has to do more with teaching children the difference between right and wrong, how to respect the rights of others, and pointing out which behaviors are acceptable and which are not. The goal of discipline is to develop children who feel secure and loved, self-confident and self-disciplined, and demonstrate self-control. Through discipline children learn how to control their impulses and constructively face the normal stresses of everyday life.
Physical punishment has never been shown to be more effective than other forms of punishment, and it tends to make children more aggressive and angry. My luck was having a mother who not only knew the difference between discipline and punishment but persistently and single-mindedly would come to my rescue — as I knew she would. She encouraged me, guided me, helped me feel good about myself, and taught me how to think for myself.
But, my father’s aggressiveness is clearly a signal regarding other important reminders about discipline. For example, my father could not stay calm (I would continue to provoke him!), and he would get carried away when I would misbehave. With his belt in hand, he would be able to avoid yelling and screaming; without his belt, he probably would have resorted to yelling and screaming and escalating the punishment even further.
There are other important reminders, too. If parents want to be optimal disciplinarians, they should avoid too much criticism, too much praise, focusing predominantly on the negatives, vacant threats, and bribes. This kind of optimal behavior will assure children that their home is a safe environment where they feel secure and loved. What my father clearly did not understand was the important position parents play as role models for their children. There is no more important role model in a child’s life than a parent.
Having experienced a form of discipline in my own home, having raised four children myself (along with my wife, of course), and now watching my children discipline their own children, doesn’t make me an expert; however, there are four universal truths parents need to follow. First, parents must be consistent with the rules of behavior, or they will confuse their children. They need to clearly explain the preferred behavior so that children will understand precisely what they expect of them: set routines for bedtime, meals, and chores. Routines help children feel safe, because they know what parents expect.
With respect to rules, bending them suggests to children that the behavior is actually endorsed. With empty threats, children will ignore parents’ warning signs. To show amusement at a child’s naughty behavior reinforces that behavior in the child’s mind. Also, allow children to be involved in some of the rule-making for the family; it gives them a chance to express how they think and feel. Just because parents listen, however, doesn’t mean they have to agree or change their rules.
The second universal truth parents need to follow is to explain consequences. Good discipline helps children learn that there are consequences for their actions. In ideal conditions, such explanations should immediately follow the action, otherwise children will fail to make the connection. What does this mean? It involves cleaning up a mess they have made, spending time alone when they have misbehaved, or playing by themselves when they have been aggressive.
Giving children time outs is the third universal truth. Many parents already use some form of time out. A “time out” means asking children to be alone for awhile to think about their actions. It is true that children under three are unlikely to have the intellectual maturity to understand a time out, but it is a valuable opportunity for self-reflection for older ones. Give a one minute time out for every year of your child’s age, but don’t send him or her to a room full of toys where they will be distracted from the time out’s main purpose: self-reflection. They need to address the questions, Why were you given the time out? and, given another opportunity, how would you behave differently?
The fourth and final universal truth is the need for parents to reinforce their children’s good behavior. Children not only need, but they seek out, the love and approval of parents. This means that one of the easiest ways for parents to encourage good behavior is to use rewards and deliver praise.
There is no doubt that children must be taught discipline; they are not born with it. When parents follow the universal guidelines (above), they will find that teaching appropriate behavior is a slowly evolving process. It takes time and practice, but the good thing about it is that it gets easier and easier as children learn to control their own behavior.
-----
At the Keepkidshealthy.com website, there is a great “Discipline Guide” written by Vincent Iannelli, M.D., F.A.A.P., the President and CEO of Keep Kids Healthy L.L.C. Not only are there important reminders about discipline, but there are a number of terrific links to other Internet resources.
At FamilyMattersParentingMagazine, the essay by Laura Ramirez, “Child Discipline - Guiding Children to Make Healthy Choices on Their Own,” is short and to the point. She offers readers a half-dozen useful reminders regarding discipline.
-----
Copyright October, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Much of the disciplining that occurred as I was growing up happened at the end of my father’s leather belt. Fortunately, it seldom took place. Not that I didn’t ask for it, but my mother would often step in to protect me from my father’s wrath. I was very, very good at provoking it, or getting one of my two sisters in trouble. I had my reasons: It served as a way to express my feelings; I wanted my parents’ undivided attention; and I always sought a greater degree of independence. I was always pushing the frontiers of acceptability, trying to see how much I could get away with, and taking advantage of imposed limitations. If someone had asked my father, he would have described me as a strong-willed. challenging, difficult, and spirited child --- or a stubborn, hell-raising pistol who was just plain impossible at times!
Looking back on it, I understand that the discipline my father meted out reflected his own upbringing, and I am probably a better person because of it. But the memory of him unbuckling the fastener, pulling the belt out from its loops, and waving it in the air as the ultimate threat, is deeply etched in my psyche. I’m sure the consequences of physical punishment never crossed his mind — the possibility of injury, the lost opportunity to explain why my behavior was wrong and the chance to offer alternatives, the immediate pain and anger I felt, the possibility that I may have become withdrawn, fearful, or bullying, or even the possibility that I would try to avoid his physical punishment by lying or stealth. Actually, I became quite skilled at the latter.
The problem with how my father disciplined was that he equated discipline with punishment. Discipline has to do more with teaching children the difference between right and wrong, how to respect the rights of others, and pointing out which behaviors are acceptable and which are not. The goal of discipline is to develop children who feel secure and loved, self-confident and self-disciplined, and demonstrate self-control. Through discipline children learn how to control their impulses and constructively face the normal stresses of everyday life.
Physical punishment has never been shown to be more effective than other forms of punishment, and it tends to make children more aggressive and angry. My luck was having a mother who not only knew the difference between discipline and punishment but persistently and single-mindedly would come to my rescue — as I knew she would. She encouraged me, guided me, helped me feel good about myself, and taught me how to think for myself.
But, my father’s aggressiveness is clearly a signal regarding other important reminders about discipline. For example, my father could not stay calm (I would continue to provoke him!), and he would get carried away when I would misbehave. With his belt in hand, he would be able to avoid yelling and screaming; without his belt, he probably would have resorted to yelling and screaming and escalating the punishment even further.
There are other important reminders, too. If parents want to be optimal disciplinarians, they should avoid too much criticism, too much praise, focusing predominantly on the negatives, vacant threats, and bribes. This kind of optimal behavior will assure children that their home is a safe environment where they feel secure and loved. What my father clearly did not understand was the important position parents play as role models for their children. There is no more important role model in a child’s life than a parent.
Having experienced a form of discipline in my own home, having raised four children myself (along with my wife, of course), and now watching my children discipline their own children, doesn’t make me an expert; however, there are four universal truths parents need to follow. First, parents must be consistent with the rules of behavior, or they will confuse their children. They need to clearly explain the preferred behavior so that children will understand precisely what they expect of them: set routines for bedtime, meals, and chores. Routines help children feel safe, because they know what parents expect.
With respect to rules, bending them suggests to children that the behavior is actually endorsed. With empty threats, children will ignore parents’ warning signs. To show amusement at a child’s naughty behavior reinforces that behavior in the child’s mind. Also, allow children to be involved in some of the rule-making for the family; it gives them a chance to express how they think and feel. Just because parents listen, however, doesn’t mean they have to agree or change their rules.
The second universal truth parents need to follow is to explain consequences. Good discipline helps children learn that there are consequences for their actions. In ideal conditions, such explanations should immediately follow the action, otherwise children will fail to make the connection. What does this mean? It involves cleaning up a mess they have made, spending time alone when they have misbehaved, or playing by themselves when they have been aggressive.
Giving children time outs is the third universal truth. Many parents already use some form of time out. A “time out” means asking children to be alone for awhile to think about their actions. It is true that children under three are unlikely to have the intellectual maturity to understand a time out, but it is a valuable opportunity for self-reflection for older ones. Give a one minute time out for every year of your child’s age, but don’t send him or her to a room full of toys where they will be distracted from the time out’s main purpose: self-reflection. They need to address the questions, Why were you given the time out? and, given another opportunity, how would you behave differently?
The fourth and final universal truth is the need for parents to reinforce their children’s good behavior. Children not only need, but they seek out, the love and approval of parents. This means that one of the easiest ways for parents to encourage good behavior is to use rewards and deliver praise.
There is no doubt that children must be taught discipline; they are not born with it. When parents follow the universal guidelines (above), they will find that teaching appropriate behavior is a slowly evolving process. It takes time and practice, but the good thing about it is that it gets easier and easier as children learn to control their own behavior.
-----
At the Keepkidshealthy.com website, there is a great “Discipline Guide” written by Vincent Iannelli, M.D., F.A.A.P., the President and CEO of Keep Kids Healthy L.L.C. Not only are there important reminders about discipline, but there are a number of terrific links to other Internet resources.
At FamilyMattersParentingMagazine, the essay by Laura Ramirez, “Child Discipline - Guiding Children to Make Healthy Choices on Their Own,” is short and to the point. She offers readers a half-dozen useful reminders regarding discipline.
-----
Copyright October, 2009 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
