Don’t let the shine rub off

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
 
As I write these words (at the end of the first week of February), over one-third of those who made a New Year’s resolution have already broken them.  According to John C. Norcross, a professor of psychology at the University of Scranton, six months after January 1st, 46% of those who make them will not have fulfilled them, and FranklinCovey, based on a poll of 15,000 customers, claims that 80% of those making resolutions will break them.  So, how long does it take for the shine of a new resolution to rub off?
    
Whether you want to spend more time with family and friends, become more fit, tame your bulge, quit smoking, enjoy life more, quit drinking, get out of debt or save more, learn something new, help others, or get organized (the top ten New Year’s resolutions according to General Nutrition Centers and Quicken), you need to realize that each of these requires a lifestyle change—that is, the formation of a new habit.  How long does it take for the shine of the desire for such a change rub off?  At PsychCentral the answer is less than 66 days.  Why 66 days?  Because that’s how long it takes for a new habit to take hold, and most people are not that patient or committed.
    
Sixty-six days!  These are not days made up of hopes, dreams, and desires—although these can help drive action.  These are not days of laziness and leisure.  Rather, these are days of knowing precisely what you want, making a list of the benefits of your new habit, committing yourself to the new habit, setting goals and rewarding yourself for accomplishing them, starting slowly then making the goals larger as you adapt to the habit.  This is intense, focused, ongoing effort—and that’s why most people are not good at keeping up the shine.
    
The most popular (and lucrative) time to sell gym memberships and exercise equipment is during the early weeks of January—while the shine is bright.  Check out the advertisements, and note the deals offered on various kinds of exercise equipment during January.  
    
If you want a practical example close to home, notice how long it takes after purchasing a new car, new tool, or other piece of equipment for you to stop keeping it as clean as you did just after purchase.  How long did it take for the shine to rub off?  
    
People in general are not very good at keeping up the shine—the desire for change, the enthusiasm for a new purchase, or the eagerness to maintain an impression—and it doesn’t just apply to resolutions.
    
Most would agree, for example, that the time during courting when the shine is the brightest is the infatuation stage.  How long before the infatuation stage ends?  “Psychologists say 3 to 18 months. They contend that after 18 months, if things go well, it develops into a less intense, but richer 'companionate love'”—or it doesn’t.  When the intensity and fervency of infatuation ends, often the “real person” is revealed.  That is, the hair comes down, and the traits and characteristics hidden—in many cases purposely—by the obsession of infatuation, become more obvious—“true colors” exposed; the shine rubbed off!  When the shine is no longer there, sometimes instead of the romance moving forward, as the infatuation stage was designed to bring forth, the romance fades, and the relationship dissolves.
    
How about “shine” in the area of medicine?  From the web site JSTOR, at a site called “Patient Information,” Ruth Merkatz and Mary Pat Conig have an essay entitled, “Helping America Take Its Medicine.”  They begin their essay by citing a study completed by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.  Researchers there discovered that between 30% and 50% of Americans do not follow their drug regimens properly.  The researchers note as well, that 10% of all hospital admissions result from inadequate compliance.   Why is it that even in the matter of one’s health, when a pill regimen is prescribed by a medical doctor, patients let the shine rub off?
    
Other times when “maintaining a shine” is important would be in employment interviews, meeting people for the first time who you know you’ll be meeting again, establishing new contacts in a community or neighborhood, as a salesperson who is looking for repeat business, and anytime, obviously, when a long-term relationship of some kind is important.  There is always a difference, of course, between a private and a public persona, but this—maintaining a shine----goes well beyond that.  It has to do with sustaining a good impression, the newness of a recently purchased product, or even the kind of change as resolutions are designed to bring about.
    
Because maintaining a shine presents a unique situation for each person, universal guidelines for sustaining “shine” are difficult to offer, but there are a number of suggestions that can be made.  There is no reason that anyone needs to let the shine rub off in any situation—if that is what they really want.
    
First, you must avoid former behaviors and keep up new behaviors. If you can do this, even in the short term, you will become more assured that you will be able to continue the change.

If you are trying to maintain a new behavior, you must look for ways to avoid temptation. Replace old habits with more positive actions, and be certain to reward yourself when you successfully avoid relapses. If you do lapse, don’t be hard on yourself or give up.  Remind yourself that it was just a minor setback.  Relapses are common and are part of the process of making significant, long-term changes.
    
The best way you have to maintain the shine is to engage in frequent self-monitoring.  How badly do you really want to do it?  If your commitment is genuine, then spend the time necessary to check on your progress, keep an eye on your emotions, and reinforce your intention, purpose, and goals.
    
At the Time/CNN web site, Maia Szalavitz, in her essay, “How to Keep Your New Year's Resolutions: Advice from the Experts,” writes: “ . . . recognize that willpower is like a muscle — it gets stronger with appropriate use but ultimately weakens if overloaded” . . .  set “short-term goals that are moderately difficult, realistic, concrete and measurable” . . . start “at a level that is challenging but not overwhelming [to] provide a sense of achievement and success — which can give you the drive to take on bigger challenges.”  That is, not only do you not need to let the shine rub off, but you can polish it to an even higher level of shine!
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At the Time/CNN web site Maia Szalavitz, in her essay, “How to Keep Your New Year's Resolutions: Advice from the Experts,” offers a number of valuable suggestions.  Szalavitz ends her essay saying, “Rather than obsessing about what you shouldn't be doing, think about things you should, experts say. The distraction will help you curb bad habits. "Focus on your higher goals and positive activities, things that both sustain you and fill your life," says Peele. If you regularly engage in meaningful activities that give you pleasure — whether it's visiting friends, picking up a hobby, taking a class or doing volunteer work (one of the most overlooked sources of personal joy and meaning is helping others) — you'll simply have less time to crave or engage in the behavior that you want to reduce.”

At the Mahalo web site , there are five specific suggestions for “How to Keep New Year’s Resolutions,” that are practical and worthwhile.
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Copyright February, 2011, by And Then Some Publishing LLC.