Rio de Janeiro II: A private tour made all the difference

by Richard L. Weaver II

We are on a private tour of Rio de Janeiro with Carla Hecke Gaiser, our tour guide. We covered so much territory and saw so many sights, that it was impossible to cover it all in a single essay.

In the first essay, we left the tour at the beautiful Parque Do Flamengo, but we saw so much more. We drove through the Museum of Modern Art (Museu de Arte Moderna)—by Affonso Eduardo Reidy in Parc do Flamengo. Roberto Burle Marx was the landscape architect, and the Museum was built in 1953. Our tour guide wanted us to see the unique architectural style (all supports for the building were on the outside). The Museum is located in Guanabara Bay on land reclaimed from the sea with the devastation of the "hills," as part of an urban planning on the coast of Rio that was carried out under the direction of Roberto Burle Marx. This new land, too, created a large public park that surrounds the Museum and, thus, offers a great view of the Bay with the city skyline of Rio as well as mountains in the background. The museum is in a position of exceptional beauty.

The building contains over 11,000 art works. The film library is also extensive. After it was gutted by a fire in 1972, hundreds came to repair and enhance the project.

We walked inside the richly decorated, neo-classical Candelaria Church while Carla circled in her van. It is one of the most beautiful and historical churches in the Rio area. Built in the 18^th century, it combines a Baroque facade with a Neoclassical and Neo-Renaissance inner decoration. It has bronze-engraved doors, and the history of the church has been painted on panels in the interior. Carla told us that the goal of the early church was to humble parishioners with the power and presence of the church.

As an aside, the Candelaria church history began in the 17th century when a ship called Candelária almost sank during a storm on the sea. When it arrived in Rio, the Spaniards built a small chapel, dedicating it to Our Lady of Candelaria. By the 18th century, the church was in need of repairs and Portuguese engineer, Francisco Roscio built the new church that was dedicated in 1811.

Even more impressive because of its gold leaf interior, was the Sao Bento Monastery and Church founded in 1590 (built between 1617 and 1802)—one of the finest Benedictine complexes—with gilded wood panels—in Brazil. This church is a treasure not usually on visitors’ radar and quite difficult to locate. If you want to see the very plain exterior along with a contrasting photo of the lavish interior go to: saobentomonastery.html>. Beside the church is a large monastery. A mass was being performed in the church (about 10 parishioners in a church that would hold several hundred), so Carla had to hold down her voice as she described a number of statues (with seraphims) decorating the side walls and the hand-painted tiles in the vestibule.

We drove through the cultural heart of Rio to get to the Cathedral Metropolitana do Rio de Janeiro or Catefral de Sao Sebastiao do Rio de Janeiro (The Metropolitan Cathedral). The current church was built between 1964 and 1979 and replaces a series of old churches that had served as cathedrals since 1676, is the seat of the archbishop of the city, and is dedicated to Saint Sebastian, the patron saint of the city. It is located in the center of Rio. Conical in form (it looks like an upside down, honeycombed megaphone with its mouthpiece on top). It has an overall height of 246 feet, contains four rectilinear stained-glass windows that soar 210 feet from the floor to ceiling (one window is predominantly in blue, one is red, one is yellow-orange, and the fourth one is green—all with many figures with their attendant, symbolic meanings), and has a standing-room capacity of 20,000 people. The church requires no air conditioning. Heat is funneled upwards and escapes through the thousands of honey-combed vents in the sides of the cone all the way to the top.

Between 70 and 75% of the citizens of Brazil are Roman Catholic. Brazil has the largest number of Catholics in the world, and, as you might expect, the largest number of lapsed Catholics as well.

We drove through the Neighborhood Centre Teresa (a small, two-lane road up the mountain) where locals were beginning (at noon) to prepare for "Carnival," which was to begin at 2 p.m. (It was to take place all of next week, and we were leaving tomorrow!) One road was closed, so we had to choose another route up. We stopped at Dona Marta (or "Favela Santa Marta") which is a slum located in Botafogo in the South Zone with about 8,000 residents—one of the steepest city slums, where we walked to a stone lookout to see the "Christ the Redeemer" statue. Walking down from the lookout, we saw monkeys moving among the bamboo trees.

We drove to the other side of the mountain and down through "Parque Nacional da Tijuca." Here is what it says about the park at :

"Parque Nacional da Tijuca, also known as the Tijuca National Park, in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, is an 8000 acre rainforest that was once stripped bare of it’s native vegetation by coffee and sugar cane plantations. A tribute to the ecological mind of King Don Pedro II, Tijuca National Park is one of the last few remnants of the Atlantic Rainforest that at one time dominated the Southern coast of Brazil.

"Replanted over ten painstaking years by engineer M.G. Archer, Tijuca National Park was result of the project ordered by King Don Pedro II in 1861. Concerned that the erosion and deforestations caused by the sugar and coffee plantations combined with a dramatic decrease in rainfall in the area would severely reduce drinking water available to his subjects, the King began the reforestation of the area.

"Today, Tijuca National Park is the largest urban forest in the world, home to 30 waterfalls, hundreds of plants and trees and at least 100 different species of animals. The park actually reduces the medium temperature of the city by approximately nine degrees. A spectacular tourist attraction, Tijuca National Park surrounds the Cocovado Mountain and the Statue of Christ. It is also home to Gavea Rock also known as Pedra da Gávea, Beautiful Rock or Pedra Bonita and Tijuca Peak which is the second highest peak in Rio de Janeiro at 3350 feet."

The line of people who wanted to ascend Corcovado (2,300 feet) to see the statue of Christ the Redeemer—finished in 1931—was too long, so we did not climb it. It took 10 years to erect the statue, which is 100 feet high with a 20-foot pedestal. It weighs 700 tons and can be seen from most points in Rio. The cogwheel train to the top costs R $10/person. Although you can drive, walk, or take a taxi to the top, it would have taken too much time out of our tour. We stopped at a Chinese pagoda for one more overview of Rio on our way out of the national park. Carla and I exchanged business cards, and we departed at the Sheraton Hotel at 2:35 p.m. To have well-educated, intelligent, knowledgeable tour guides who speak excellent English, and who are passionate about their city or country, make the choice of taking a private tour a no-brainer. We certainly achieved a real feel for this enormous city in a mere 6-hour tour.

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The most informative website on Rio de Janeiro is at Wikipedia.

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Copyright February 21, 2013, by And Then Some Publishing LLC

Quotations by Richard L. Weaver II

Without good health, what else matters?

We were with friends at a New Year's Eve party, and one person at our table of 10 was wearing a large, uncomfortable neck brace because of recent back surgery, and the pain she was experiencing dwarfed anything else that happened that night.  Also, just trying to tolerate the discomfort exhausted her.

My 99-year-old father-in-law has shingles, and whenever the pain occurs, the irritation causes an intense, localized annoyance, but it results in him losing interest in anything else in his life---including eating.  The soothing relief he gets from just sitting and doing nothing in his big, comfortable chair is enough to provide satisfaction.

Without good health, what else matters?

Go out and get your good health :)

Find tons of quotes to inspire your journey:
SMOERs - Available at Amazon
Self Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules

And Then Some News

by Anthony Weaver

The second Thursday essay finishes Dr. Richard L. Weaver II's exotic destination on a private tour in Rio de Janerio. Exotic Destinations... And Then Some!: Stories of adventures from around the world traces many of the traveling experiences of Richard L. Weaver II.  Enjoy reading more about his travels... And Then Some!

An excerpt of Thursday's essay, Rio de Janeiro II: A Private Tour Made All the Difference:

We stopped at a Chinese pagoda for one more overview of Rio on our way out of the national park. Carla and I exchanged business cards, and we departed at the Sheraton Hotel at 2:35 p.m. To have well-educated, intelligent, knowledgeable tour guides who speak excellent English, and who are passionate about their city or country, make the choice of taking a private tour a no-brainer.

Richard (Dick) will continue to point out locations he encountered on his tour in this second essay on Rio de Janeiro, Brazil on Thursday. 

And Then Some Publishing on YouTube

I've uploaded a new video to the And Then Some Publishing YouTube channel. The new video is called, How to Write - Expert Opinion by Dr. Edgar E. Willis. At 99 years-old he describes his distinguished career in writing books and textbooks, articles, and speeches. Plus, as an added benefit Dr. Willis talks about how he wrote and plenty of advice for new writers.

Between a rock and a hot place: Why fifty is not the new thirty

Between a rock and a hot place: Why fifty is not the new thirty
By Tracey Jackson

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

I confess: I have absolutely no idea why I picked up this book to read except that I liked the title, I love diversity, and I thought it might have something interesting to say. I wasn’t wrong!

There are no notes, references, bibliography, additional resources, or anything here except the author, Tracey Jackson — and I assure you, there is a lot of her. I can certainly see how some readers may feel that she’s a little self-centered, selfish, and egotistical. Some readers might even say, A LITTLE???? But, I found all of it amusing, charming, and even delightful. After all, this is HER book ---- give her a break!

Jackson isn’t telling readers how to handle turning fifty. She is telling you how SHE handled it and how fifty — from HER experience — is not the new thirty. I am a reader who enjoys looking into the lives of others. I have always enjoyed rides on airplanes, waiting in hospital waiting rooms, or other opportunities (online?) where people open up and spill their guts. Why? Because it gives you such insight into human behavior.

What I really appreciated was Jackson’s sense of humor. She is very, very funny, and because she is such a terrific writer, it seems the humor just spills forth naturally and easily. Whether you like her lifestyle, understand her values, or think she is just a "high-strung Jew," doesn’t matter. Set all of that aside, and just enjoy her writing. She is a fine storyteller, and her examples will hold your attention.

Susan M. Andrus, of Story Circle Book Reviews (they review books about women), in her review at Amazon.com, shared this incredibly apt insight: "But in addition to humor, Jackson nags, whines, cajoles, lectures, and scolds, wanting us to understand her struggles upon reaching the young, old age of fifty and to learn how to care for ourselves when we find ourselves facing that milestone."

Another thing I loved about this book is Jackson’s transparency. She just lets it all hang out there — sharing her feelings about everything that is or has touched her life in some way. It is her honesty about her body, background, family, and experiences that make this such a fascinating read. There is some information here with which every reader — man or woman — will identify. Of course it is especially designed for women from the ages 45 to 60, but men in that age range will benefit as well. Jackson just gives you such a deep and heartfelt appreciation about the human condition.

I thought one of the best parts of the book was Jackson’s explanation of the many ways that women of fifty are discriminated against — not just in the workplace and trying to secure a job, but also in trying to find a partner and in other areas of life, too. She is just so forthright and direct — and on target! It doesn’t matter how successful you are, how much background experience you have, who you know, or how beautiful you may be, everything changes when you turn fifty — and Jackson chronicles much of it — and does it well! She doesn’t just do it well, she does it with a terrific attitude and wonderful sense of humor.

Helena Wallace, at Amazon.com, had this to say about Jackson, and I agree with every word: "Apart from its relevance and usefulness, the book is a great read. Jackson's funny, interesting, likable and her writing is tight, intelligent and entertaining." If you want to know why fifty is not the new thirty, this is a useful, instructive book, but if you just enjoy a great read, this book is even better!

Friday Humor

Two old men suffering from long-term memory loss were sitting on the steps of the old folks' home when an ice cream van drove past.

"Gee," said the first old codger: "I'd love an ice cream right now."

"Would you like me to get you one?" asked the second old man.

"Are you joking?" the first old fart snapped back: "You'd forget my order straight away."

"No I wouldn't," replied the second."

"All right, then," said his friend: "I want a double cone with mint ice cream and chocolate chips, and a cherry on top."

The second old man repeated the order flawlessly. Five minutes later, he walked back carrying two meat pies. The first old man looked at the pies in disgust then yelled: "I knew I should've gone myself. You forgot the bloody sauce!"

Rio de Janairo: A private tour made all the difference

by Richard L. Weaver II

As most places are, it was difficult to envision Rio at all before visiting, and had we not taken a private tour on our second day there, we certainly would not come to "know" the city in the way we did. Sure, you see photos and hear stories, but the picture remains incomplete (seriously flawed!).

Rather than sleeping on our first day in Rio because of a bumpy, overnight flight, and little sleep, we took (made reservations for, first) a Sheraton Hotel free shuttle to Hotel Othon Palace. The shuttle takes you along Avenue Delfim Moreira just alongside the Ipanema Beach (made popular by "The Girl from Ipanema"—the well-known bossa nova song of 1962) and then around the corner to the Copacabana Beach. We got off the shuttle and walked along the broad, concrete, pedestrian pathway in the hot sun. The temperature was a comfortable 75-80-degrees with little humidity. We walked to the location of the Hotel Copacabana Palace then turned around and strolled back to the Hotel Othon Palace.

It was early for walking along the Copacabana Beach, and it was sparsely populated, but despite the early hour, there were people playing volleyball, little massage booths set up on the sand, a couple of elaborate sand sculptures with the artists "in residence" (one was continually spraying water on his "masterpiece" ro preserve it), many umbrellas near the water along the wide sand beach, people sitting in beach chairs (some distance from where we were walking), little "permanent" shops along the sidewalk for eating and drinking, numerous in-line skaters, skateboarders, joggers, bicyclers, walkers, and tourists (trying to take it all in).

Some vendors had laid out their wares (e.g., wood carvings, necklaces, cheap souvenirs crafts), and when we returned to Hotel Othon Palace (just beyond it on our return walk), at least 50 vendors were setting up their pipe-supported blue awnings, to sell their tee-shirts, trinkets, imported crafts and souvenirs, flip flops, and key chains and small, clear plastic monoliths with the "Christ the Redeemer" statue embedded or etched into them.

When you have visited one or two markets like this in the Caribbean (we’ve visited a half dozen at least), you really don’t have to see any more. Although the vendors were just setting up their booths, we walked through the area with cars traveling on either side, then walked back to the Hotel Othon Palace, where we rested.

My wife bought post cards and a "key-chain" of a flip-flop as a tree ornament at a store attached to the hotel.

Our Gray Line, air conditioned, big, orange bus met us exactly at 7 p.m. in front of the Hotel, and we returned to have dinner overlooking the Sheraton pool, the Atlantic Ocean, and surrounded by flaming torches in Sheraton’s Restaurante Mirador.

I mentioned this free excursion as a prelude to our private, guided tour the next day, since on the tour we passed by the Ipanema and Copacabana beaches—not having to spend valuable tour time to take pictures or to stop and observe.

Our private tour by Carla Hecke Gaiser began on our only full, free day before our cruise was to leave the next day. Carla worked as an independent sub-contractor for Princess. We paid $166.00 U.S. for a 4-hour tour, but we paid her $70.00 U.S. more, for an additional two hours and five minutes.

Along with our private tour with Michael Ye in Beijing, and a wonderful tour of Taipai, Taiwan, with Jan de Bries, this ranks among the best private tours we’ve had.

What makes an excellent tour guide? Carla had it all. She was highly educated (she chose, because of economic conditions) not to pursue a master’s degree in social services), intelligent, knowledgeable, and passionate about Rio culture.

We could not have written a script for a better tour of Rio. Our goal in new places is to try to get an overview (e.g., no visits into museums (takes too much time), botanical gardens (we’ve seen so many of them; we lived for a year in Hawaii), aquariums (we’ve seen some great ones already), historic homes, castles, or forts). In that way, we spend more time seeing the sights. It is our way of gaining an impression of a place—getting an overview.

After leaving Copacabana and Leme (a more quiet residential area just beyond Copacabana but sharing the same beach area), we went to the Urca area where we saw a relaxed, placid bay scattered with fishing boats with the international airport in the background (large jets ascending), and the Christ the Redeemer statue high across the bay. You see it from everywhere.

After leaving Leme, we visited Red Beach (Vermeha Beach) which is the starting point for the impressive Sugar Loaf Cable Car. It is a busy area filled with cars and pedestrians, and only when you see the far end of the Cable Car (from Urea Hill to Sugar Loaf) do you understand how long and high this cable car travels (average price for the cable car is $26.00 U.S. each). We did not do it; it would have taken-up the rest of our tour time.

Red Beach received its name (Praia Vermelha) from a stone or sand that turns red from oxidation. It is a romantic site (according to Carla), and a statue of Frederic Francois Chopin, the Polish composer and virtuoso pianist who is considered one of the great masters of romantic music, overlooks the beach. He has been called "the poet of the piano."

Our next stop was the Parque Do Flamengo along the shores of Guanabara Bay where we saw gardens designed by Roberto Burle Marx in 1962, and saw unique Brazillian trees. Many had orchids attached to them (many orchids were in bloom), and some trees still had flowers, despite the time of year (fall was approaching). We saw cannonball trees, crocodile trees, as well as apricot trees.

Just a quick aside here. Although not a trained botanist, Carla, our tour guide, has taken a special interest in local trees, shrubs, ferns, and flowers and knows their Latin names as well. She said, when we asked her, how did she come to know all the Latin names? She said that as she grew up, her father would not only point out the names of the trees, shrubs, ferns, and flowers the family encountered, but in each case, he would attach the Latin name—and she not only learned them, but she became interested in them as well.

I will continue to point out locations we encountered on our tour in the second essay on Rio de Janairo, Brazil. When I wrote this essay on Rio, I did not intend to divide it into two, but that has been my experience on private tours. We see and learn so much that it’s impossible to capture it all in a single essay.

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All there are at this site are images of Rio de Janairo, Brazil, but the images are fabulous and worth a look.

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Copyright February, 2013, by And Then Some Publishing LLC

Quotations by Richard L. Weaver II

Do something every day that will allow you to make the choices in your life, not someone else.

Find tons of quotes to inspire your journey:
SMOERs - Available at Amazon
Self Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules

And Then Some News

by Anthony Weaver

I would be remiss if I did not mention the book, Exotic Destinations... And Then Some!: Stories of adventures from around the world which traces many of the traveling experiences of Richard L. Weaver II.  If you enjoy traveling or simply reading about the travels of others, you will love this book.

The first paragraph of Thursday's essay, Rio de Janeiro: A Private Tour Made All the Difference covers Dr. Weaver's traveling experiences:

As most places are, it was difficult to envision Rio at all before visiting, and had we not taken a private tour on our second day there, we certainly would not come to "know" the city in the way we did. Sure, you see photos and hear stories, but the picture remains incomplete (seriously flawed!).

Richard (Dick) will continue to point out locations he encountered on his tour in the second essay on Rio de Janeiro, Brazil next week. There was so much to see and learn it’s impossible to capture it all in a single essay.

And Then Some Publishing on YouTube

I will be transferring our pertinent videos from my old YouTube channel to our new ATSPpublishing channel on YouTube. And more exciting... our first uploaded video is all new!

99 year old Edgar E. Willis discusses his new mystery, Moss on the Ivory Tower. This book pulls aside the curtains that normally shield the halls of academe and reveals a world occupied by fascinating and vividly portrayed characters who are impelled by the same passions, aspirations, and ideals that motivate all of humankind.

The Longevity Project: Surprising Discoveries for Health and Long Life from the Landmark Eight-Decade Study

The Longevity Project: Surprising Discoveries for Health and Long Life from the Landmark Eight-Decade Study
By Howard S. Friedman and Leslie R. Martin

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

This is an outstanding book for a large number of reasons. The first and most obvious reason is that it is well written. The 222 pages of text information pass by in a moment for the precise reasons that you become involved in the book, the information is essential and important, the book is well-organized, but especially because it is an easy, comfortable read.

Second, there are thirteen pages of excellent notes. Friedman and Martin are researchers of the utmost credibility and reputation, and their notes reveal not just their expertise but, too, their desire to footnote (or credit) all sources they consulted. I feel that if readers can consult such a complete set of references or notations (even if they choose not to!), not only does this add to the trustworthiness of the authors, but, too, to the believability, reliability, and dependability of the information.

Third, is a feature I included in an early edition of my textbook, COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY, 10^th ed. (McGraw-Hill, 2012), and have continued throughout all editions since (by popular demand) — self-assessment scales with simple-to-understand explanations about how to score each of the quizzes. Now, you may think these quizzes are valuable for readers simply because they provide a way for them to measure how they rate on the chapter’s topic of concern. That is one issue. More important for me, however, is how each of the self-assessment quizzes breaks down the topic into specific, practical, applicable items. For example, on the "neuroticism" quiz, you get ten items that cover such things as being affected by praise or blame, feeling miserable, being touchy on certain topics, being bothered by useless thoughts or burdened by a sense of remorse or regret, worry over humiliating experiences, feeling happy or sad, getting your feelings easily hurt, moodiness, and emotionality (pp. 42-43). You learn that that is how neuroticism is defined.

Fourth, I liked the findings of The Longevity Project, and using the "eyeball test," I found they offered some valuable and worthwhile insights. For example, it has always been thought that your level of education was a good predictor of later health and longevity. Yes, this was a factor; however, "it was not an important factor compared to other personal and social predictors of health and long life" (p. 75). Conscientiousness, discussed in the first chapter of the book, and persistence were of greater importance. These are the kind of people "who were better able and better motivated to navigate life’s personal and social challenges" (p. 75).

Fifth, the authors end each of their chapters with a section, "What It Means for You: Guideposts to Health and Long Life." If there is any thought that this book is just a series of reports about research results, these sections should dispel that notion. They serve various functions. They often review the material of the chapter; they sometimes offer a transition to the next chapter; they may examine some unanswered questions or areas where more research is needed; I found their most important function, however, is the motivation they offer readers for their pursuit of the trait or characteristic under discussion. I thought this was a brilliant and useful way to end the chapters.

Sixth, let me group a number of items here. I liked the short sections, the personal stories that enliven the research, the way research is incorporated, how the authors were able to relate their findings to other studies by researchers, and the manner in which Friedman and Martin came to definite and precise conclusions when they could.

Everyone will find something of value in this book. For me, it was the total package. This is an incredibly valuable and worthwhile book with great, relevant suggestions for living a longer (and more vibrant) life.

Friday Humor

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren't expletives, were to say the least, rude.

David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet.

David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness."

David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued...

"May I ask what did the chicken do?"

The heart of simple living: 7 paths to a better life
By Wanda Urbanska

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
  
I did not know Wanda Urbanska, have little background regarding the whole “simple living” idea, and do not live (nor desire to live) the “simple life” by any stretch of the imagination. Then why did I select this book to review, you might wonder?

First, I enjoy discovering new things.  I thought there was a chance that my mind would be opened to a new revelation, a fresh insight, or even a vibrant point of view.  Maybe, too, there would be room in the “simple living” panorama, for a small little bush like myself!

Second, Urbanska is the author or coauthor of eight books, is the host/producer of a syndicated public television series, possesses an attractive publishing record (The Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Mother Earth News, American Libraries, and Natural Home), and is a graduate of Harvard University.  I actually thought she might have something to say.

Third, I thought that in the discussions of her topics, she might offer some new insights or suggestions.  She covers such topics as financial independence, work, housing happiness, homemaking, kitchen and garden work, as well as community living.

For someone just starting out in life—with very little real-life experience—this might be a convenient place to begin discovering what life is all about.  Also, for someone who has done little or no reading on any of these subjects, this book might serve as a primer to get you started.  It covers the basics.

I was quite disappointed overall.  I found Urbanska had little new to say.  Her ideas have been well (thoroughly) discussed in other places — as well as in newspaper and magazine articles.  This book has been drawn from other popular books as well as websites that anyone can quickly find.  Also, it has been drawn from Urbanska’s wealth of common knowledge.  Most of these ideas are simple, and one would discover them quickly from one’s daily experiences.

If all you are looking for is a delightful read, this is a good book.  If you want depth, you won’t find it here.  If you want to avoid your own common sense (or add only minimally to it!), this would be a good resource as well.  I found the book rather trite and unnecessary.

Relationship shockers

by Richard L. Weaver II

For more than 35 years, I have written about relationships. My book, Understanding Interpersonal Communication (HarperCollins) went through seven editions, and I wrote a book on relationships, Relationship Rules: For Long-term Happiness, Security, and Commitment (And Then Some Publishing, 2009). Also, since 1974, I have included chapters on relationships in my book, Communicating Effectively, 10e (McGraw-Hill, 2012) This last book went through two editions previous to its current title. Those were called Speech/Communication (D. Van Nostrand, 1974 and 1977), and it is now going into its eleventh edition.

I offer this brief history as a backdrop to why I look for information on the topic of relationships. For five days a week, I read USA Today and whenever our newspaper carrier is feeling in a generous mood (actually, it’s when he has an extra paper!), I read The New York Times. Whenever I see that paper—it’s always encased in a blue plastic bag—my heart does small back-over flips.

Recently (January-February, 2012), both papers included articles that I would call "relationship shockers," and excerpts from them will undoubtedly see print daylight in the eleventh edition (2015) of my book, Communicating Effectively. There are three articles.

In the first article, in USA Today, "Singles in America," (February 2, 2012, p. 4D) author Sharon Jayson discusses the results of the "second annual Singles in America study, conducted online and completed in December [2011] by market research firm Market-Tools for the Dallas-based dating website Match.com:


"The results do shatter some long-held beliefs about what have been considered ‘deal breakers’ in relationships. Only until the very recent past, a potential partner’s religion, race or ethnicity, or financial status (especially for a man) often stood in the way of a romance blossoming, says anthropologist Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Brunswick, N.J. But no more. Singles today, she says, look at ‘those profoundly basic things a person needs for a sound partnership.’
"The survey found that the top five deal breakers in order of importance are having a disheveled or unclean appearance (67%); being lazy (66%); being too needy (63%); lacking a sense of humor (54%); and distance — living more than three hours apart (49%)" (p. 4D). The second relationship shocker appeared in The New York Times. In their New York Times essay, "The dubious science of online dating," Eli J. Finkel and Benjamin R. Karney examined the scientific methods that sites like eHarmony, Chemistry, PerfectMatch, and GenePartner use to construct their relationship matches. Based on "the past 80 years of scientific research about what makes people romantically compatible [the research] suggests that such sites are unlikely to do what they claim to do":
"Perhaps as a result [of online dating firms not being useful in narrowing a client’s pool of potential partners], these sites tend to emphasize similarity on psychological variables like personality (e.g., matching extroverts with extroverts and introverts with introverts) and attitudes (e.g., matching people who prefer Judd Apatow’s movies to Woody Allen’s with people who feel the same way). The problem with this approach is that such forms of similarity between two partners generally don’t predict the success of their relationship. According to a 2008 meta-analysis of 313 studies, similarity on personality traits and attitudes had no effect on relationship well-being in established relationships. In addition, a 2010 study of more than 23,000 married couples showed that similarity on the major dimensions of personality (e.g., neuroticism, impulsivity, extroversion) accounted for a mere 0.5 percent of how satisfied spouses were with their marriages—leaving the other 99.5 percent to other factors.
"None of this suggests that online dating is any worse a method of meeting potential romantic partners than meeting in a bar or on the subway. But it’s no better either" (p. 12SR).
The third and final relationship shocker also appeared in The New York Times. In her essay, "The M.R.S. and the Ph.D." for The New York Times in the SundayReview section (February 12, 2012, p. 1 and pp. 6-7), Stephanie Coontz writes that "Even for women who don’t marry, it’s better to be educated; a 2002 study found that never-married white women with more education than average lived, ‘the longest, healthiest lives of all groups" (p. 7). She continues:
"One of the dire predictions about educated women is true: today, more of them are ‘marrying down.’ Almost 30 percent of wives today have more education than their husbands, while less than 20 percent of husbands have more education than their wives, almost the exact reverse of the percentages in 1970.
"But there is not a shred of evidence that such marriages are any less satisfying than marriages in which men have equal or higher education than their wives. Indeed, they have many benefits for women.
"In a forthcoming paper from the Council on Contemporary Families, Oriel Sullivan, a researcher at Oxford University, reports that the higher a woman’s human capital in relation to her husband—measured by her educational resources and earnings potential—the more help with housework she actually gets from her mate. The degree to which housework is shared is now one of the two most important predictors of a woman’s marital satisfaction. And husbands benefit too, since studies show that women feel more sexually attracted to partners who pitch in" (p. 7). So, what have we learned that’s new? First, we discovered that religion, race, ethnicity, and financial status are not as important as they used to be when mates are in the process of looking for compatible mates. The characteristics that mates look for today have more to do with "profoundly basic things" such as cleanliness, laziness, neediness, a sense of humor, and the distance potential mates live from each other. Distance is an especially important element when one mate finds the other on the Internet.

Second, we discovered that the major online match-making sites have problems with their alogrithms. No wonder that all of the match-making sites consider their alogrithms as proprietary information! The online match-making sites use similarity on the psychological variables like personality and attitudes to make their matches. But research studies have shown that similarity on personality traits and attitudes have no effect on predicting a relationship’s longevity.

What are the variables that are likely to affect relationship compatibility and, thus, longevity? The factors are communication patterns, problem-solving tendencies, sexual compatibility, as well as environmental factors such as job loss, financial strain, infertility, and illness.

Our third discovery had to do with women: "The degree to which housework is shared is now one of the two most important predictors of a woman’s marital satisfaction." And women feel more sexually attracted to husbands who pitch in. Notice, too, that Coontz writes that it is better for women to be educated. Those women with more education lived the longest and healthiest lives of all the groups measured in the 2002 study she cited.

There are often changes because of studies done on relationships, and this requires regular (every three years) updates of our textbook, Communicating Effectively. These three, however, are shockers—not just because of the new revelations, but, too, because all three were reported within the same three weeks of 2012.

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At Forever Families , in the essay there, Important Factors to Consider Before Taking the Marriage Plunge offers a large number of variables to consider. This website should be "must reading" for all couples who plan on getting serious.

At Heathsommer.com, the essay is called, A Primer on Relational Conflict versus Marital Quality. This is another must read essay for couples who plan on tying the knot. Why not be prepared?

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Copyright February, 2013, by And Then Some Publishing LLC

Quotations by Richard L. Weaver II

Progress is a nice word and deserves respect. When you are not in a state of progress, you are stagnating.


Find tons of quotes to inspire your journey:
SMOERs - Available at Amazon
Self Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules

And Then Some News

by Richard L. Weaver II
- Handed off to Anthony Weaver

And Then Some Publishing, LLC has new changes in store. I'm making many updates to our whole system including, blogs, websites, social media, books, And Then Some!

When taking on a project of this magnitude you learn quickly this is much more than just writing. I don't code websites, create graphics, code eBooks, and on and on the list continues. I'm a writer.

I'm lucky because I have two sons who can help me fill in the blanks where I'm deficient. Anthony helped me start this company and created graphics, websites, paintings, lots of the coding... And Then Some! After some time off, he has rejoined And Then Some Publishing and has numerous changes in store for us.

Anthony... what are we changing and updating?

(Handed off to Anthony Weaver)

Thank you Dad and I can't tell you how great it is to be back with And Then Some Publishing. I'm very excited... more than very excited, I'm ecstatic!

Dad and I started a solid foundation and now we get to dive in making changes helping move the company forward. For you, our fans, we are working to streamline our social media, websites, books, etc. to make it easier to find the information you want.

Along the way I will be asking for advice to see what you think. Whether it's social media, upcoming eBooks, websites, etc. I want to make sure I don't make things more confusing.

I have already started making improvements and changes.

1. Life... And Then Some will be the only blog. 
• The daily posts have always been combined here and will continue
• Currently there is a separate blog for each day of the week. This will be phased out.
• The links for the other blogs are being removed from websites and social media. You can see this update in the top navigation of this blog.
2. New YouTube Channel: ATSPpublishing
• Previously released And Then Some Publishing videos through the ANTworkstudio YouTube channel are being transferred to the new channel.
3. Facebook page updates: And Then Some Publishing
• Adding videos, pictures and updating the page

Dad and I have been working on our first Kindle eBook making minor updates and changes to Public Speaking Rules! We've made substantial progress and even though the eBook is not expected until late Spring 2013 there's a chance it will land early. 

This is not even close to a complete list of changes and updates. You'll have to come back next week and check the news!

This week's Thursday essay by Dr. Weaver  is all about Relationship Shockers.

What are the variables that are likely to affect relationship compatibility and, thus, longevity? The factors are communication patterns, problem-solving tendencies, sexual compatibility, as well as environmental factors such as job loss, financial strain, infertility, and illness.

Find his book Relationship Rules at Amazon:

The Glamour of grammar: A guide to the magic and mystery of practical English

The Glamour of grammar: A guide to the magic and mystery of practical English
By Roy Peter Clark

Review by Richard L. Weaver II

I had no idea what this book was about when I picked it up. My first impression was that it was a book on grammar, and, as a writer, I have enjoyed extending my knowledge and understanding of grammar since my high school days of English classes. I was in an Advanced English course at Ann Arbor High School with a great teacher, Mr. Granville. He taught his students that you can never stop learning about the English language, so I thought this book might simply be an extension or elaboration of the book I regard as my bible with it comes to language usage: Strunk and White’s Elements of Style. I recommended this book to undergraduate and graduate students alike, and when I wrote my Ph.D. dissertation, I depended exclusively on Strunk and White for any questions I had about my use of words, grammar, or sentence construction.

I thought so much of Strunk and White that when I wrote my basic book on public speaking called Public Speaking Rules! All you need for a GREAT speech! (And Then Some Publishing, 2008), I made the cover plain and simple (and in a cream color)—like the cover of Strunk and White’s first edition. That was my tribute to them.

If you know this book, or if you have read any of the many reviews at Amazon.com, then you know at once that I was mistaken. Happily mistaken, I might add. Oh, the grammar is there, but the beauty of this book is that there is so much more, and the "so much more" can serve as the primary motivation for purchasing this book—no other motivation is necessary!

There a number of delights in this amazing book. First, it is truly a grea read with terrific examples and an extremely well-written narrative. Second, there are 50 chapters and 264 pages of text, making each chapter, on average, 5.3 pages long—succinct information and to the point. Third, each chapter ends with a section called "Keepsakes" which lists 3-5 items from the chapter tha are worth reviewing or, perhaps, remembering. Fourth, the author’s true love of the language is revealed throughout, and it is an inspiration. Fifth, the way Clark incorporates his own personal experiences adds both freshness and perspective—as well as knowledge and understanding.

As an example of how Clark incorporates his personal experience, here is just one sentence (chosen at random), from his chapter, "Avoid speed bumps caused by misspellings": "When I was just a little writer—skinny, myopic, prepubescent, growing up in a New York suburb—I began to feel the first tremors of emerging manhood, and I felt them most powerfully in the presence of a local teenage girl whose nickname was Angel Face" (p. 15). His example is delightful and makes an unforgettable impression about the importance of correct spelling. The rest of this example must be read for complete appreciation.

The sixth reason I liked this book (awarded 5 stars out of 5), is the tremendous range of examples Clark cites. His extensive knowledge, the variety of sources, and the specificity and exactness of the quotations he offers is remarkable. Admittedly, Clark has "taught writing at every level—to schoolchildren and Pulitzer Prize-winning authors—for more than thirty years" (back flyleaf) and is "vice president and senior scholar at the Poynter Institute" (one of the most prestigious schools for journalists in the world" (back flyleaf)), so he should have accumulated a great deal of information (his wide variety of sources) from his extensive experience as a teacher, but it truly overwhelms the senses!

To show you (my reader) just how much I admired this book, I did something I seldom do. My father-in-law, Edgar E. Willis, is an emeritus professor of speech communication at the University of Michigan, and besides his textbooks, he has written a book on humor, How to be Funny on Purpose: Creating and Consuming Humor (2005), a book on his experiences in World War II, Civilian in an Ill-fitting Uniform: A Memoir of World War II (2009) and his work of fiction, Moss on the Ivory Tower: A Novel of Mystery and Intrigue, published by And Then Some Publishing LLC, became available at the first of this year.

Willis has an extensive writing career, a long and distinguished teaching career at the University of Michigan, including serving as chairman of the speech-communication department, is a continuing speaker, a Shakespearian scholar, and takes special pride in being a learned expert in the use of the English language. English usage often becomes a topic of conversation in my daily meetings with him. It was this book by Roy Clark that I chose to give him as a gift on his 98^th birthday (July, 2011). There is no greater accolade I can bestow on Roy Clark and his book The Glamour of Grammar, for it takes a very special book to satisfy the interest and pleasure of such a learned man as Willis---and he absolutely loved the book!

Friday Humor

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

Excuses

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

Having been a college teacher for thirty years, I heard all kinds of excuses. That doesn’t mean that some weren’t actually legitimate. After all, I was a college student myself. But I thought that, in many cases, students were the product of, or in the process of establishing, a weak/poor precedent. A history of using excuses as a foundation for poor performance is like putting insulation into an attic where there is already a roof leak, moisture is present, and there is poor venting and weak ventilation. Using excuses—and not taking personal responsibility for one’s performance—is attracting failure like a magnet, just as putting insulation in an attic with the features just described will just as certainly attract mold.

Perhaps, the most overused excuse I heard as a college teacher was to blame others for everything. As long as it is external events that cause us problems, then our self-esteem and control can be protected. Teachers were a common culprit, but roommates who liked to party or were unfriendly and uncooperative received a great deal of attention. The pressure that family or friends put on students can be a contaminating element as well.

The best evidence of blaming others occurs when you hear people speak critically of friends or family members, bosses, team members, or customers. Inevitably, if you were able to examine closely and analyze the problem, you would likely find there was some aspect of self that these people find unacceptable. Real leaders—or responsible individuals—are recognized as willing to look in the mirror, and learn from what they see

I used one lecture in my basic, required, speech-communication course to explain the difference between internal and external locus of control—whether we accept responsibility for our behavior, whether good or bad, or whether we feel our behavior is controlled essentially by outside forces. This lecture always preceded my unit on public speaking, because that was the unit that seemed to spark the largest number of excuses. I even gave students a short, sample test that they could use to evaluate themselves on this internal-external continuum. I can’t report specific results since the information was personal, but with a report of scores (before students knew what the scores represented), the largest number of hands revealed a primarily external locus of control.

More than anything, I think, the reports of a predominantly external locus-of-control represented the still early in their lives impressions of freshmen and sophomores who believed their lives had been controlled by others (e.g., parents, teachers, family, friends, and, perhaps, religious personnel).

One thing I tried to emphasize in my lecture on locus-of-control, was the fact that this "attributional bias" is understandable, however, others interpret it as poor leadership (and, perhaps, immaturity). I don’t know when it happens (if it does), or what stimuli create it, but at some point students discover—maybe for themselves—that they are the ones in charge of their lives. It is an important discovery no matter when it occurs.

Another area where excuses predominate is worry about the future. People protect themselves with phrases such as, "I may be harmed," "That may not work out well," "I may not win," or "That looks too difficult." The number of times people avoid taking risks because they worry and fret about everything cannot be calculated, of course. But, what it comes down to is a lack of confidence—protection of themselves from possible future failures. I like the simple aphorism, "No risk, no gain." And if people want to be leaders, they must be willing to take risks.

G. M. Trevelyan said, "The best job goes to the person who can get it done without passing the buck or coming back with excuses." "Too much is being asked of me," "I can’t do everything," or "Who do you think I am?" are excuses you hear from those who think they are being overwhelmed. They reflect self-doubt and insecurity, of course, but often these excuses precede important growth stages. Surprisingly, brains develop new pathways and connections, and people who are able to rise above, take responsibility and control, are able to embrace and manage those feelings. Rather than complain and make excuses, they simply dig in, work harder, and strive to achieve.

"I am so disorganized," "Life is one chaotic episode after another," or "I cannot makes heads or tails out of it," are excuses used when people appear disorganized or unable to manage things in an orderly fashion. Stop; get organized. Mistakes, cost time and money. In business, they cost productivity and morale. If you want to be perceived as a leader, get your life in order.

You may be able to thrive on disorder, but it is best to keep it a secret. What many people don’t realize is that when you are disorganized, those around you (e.g., family, friends, or associates) will follow your example. If you want to promote organization, reveal organization.

There is another set of excuses that revolve around one central element: failure to look on the bright side of things. No, you don’t need to appear buoyant, Pollyannaish, and cheerful all the time. There is no reason to take this to extremes. But there are those who use pessimistic excuses such as, "I’m such a clutz," "I’m hopeless," or "I’m never going to amount to anything," as a way to escape responsibility.

I’ve always believed that if you have a choice, why not be hopeful rather than hopeless? Why not be encouraging rather than discouraging? Why not be cheerful rather than sad? Why not appear confident and positive rather than unassured and negative?

Not surprisingly, a positive attitude draws other positive people to you; it boosts your attitude and promotes self-growth; it stimulates strength of character; it permits you to move forward and face new challenges; and it enables you to take control of your life.

To accentuate the positives, rather than amplify the negatives—in every aspect of your life—will help embed a positive mindset that alters everything you do, everything you say, and everything you experience. It is a necessary and important tool in self-development. Also, it helps to eliminate many of the other excuses, because it will help you see positives in others.

I love what George Washington Carver said about making excuses. He said, "Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses." The day you stop making excuses, is the day you take complete responsibility for your life, and that is the day, too, you begin your journey of growing, developing, and changing in positive directions.

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At SuccessConsciousness.com, the short essay there, The Power of Positive Attitude, by Remez Sasson is terrific for its practicality, large number of specific suggestions, and even ideas for developing a positive attitude.. Sasson begins his essay saying: "Positive attitude helps to cope more easily with the daily affairs of life. It brings optimism into your life, and makes it easier to avoid worry and negative thinking. If you adopt it as a way of life, it will bring constructive changes into your life, and makes them happier, brighter and more successful. With a positive attitude you see the bright side of life, become optimistic and expect the best to happen. It is certainly a state of mind that is well worth developing and strengthening."

At the guardian website , the essay Always look on the bright side of life, by Sam Wong provides some of the scientific evidence on how effective having a positive attitude can be. Wong ends his essay saying: "As things stand, it's still unclear whether adopting a more positive outlook on life can reduce your likelihood of falling ill or dying. But it certainly won't hurt – and it might put a smile on your face. Who could argue with that?"

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Copyright February, 2013, by And Then Some Publishing LLC

Quotations by Richard L. Weaver II

Moments of reflection are a gift for a deeper understanding and appreciation of all that we have, all that we know, and all that we feel.

Life is short. There is no time for trivia and pettiness. When you rise above the unimportant, your perspective changes, and you live life at a deeper, more meaningful level.

Find tons of quotes to inspire your journey:
SMOERs - Available at Amazon
Self Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules

And Then Some News

Thursday Essay Preview

The first paragraph of Thursday's essay, "Excuses," reads as follows:

Having been a college teacher for thirty years, I heard all kinds of excuses. That doesn't mean that some weren't actually legitimate. After all, I was a college student myself. But I thought that, in many cases, students were the product of, or in the process of establishing, a weak/poor precedent. A history of using excuses as a foundation for poor performance is like putting insulation into an attic where there is already a roof leak, moisture is present, and there is poor venting and weak ventilation. Using excuses—and not taking personal responsibility for one’s performance—is attracting failure like a magnet, just as putting insulation in an attic with the features just described will just as certainly attract mold.

The final paragraph in Thursday's essay is:

I love what George Washington Carver said about making excuses. He said, "Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses." The day you stop making excuses, is the day you take complete responsibility for your life, and that is the day, too, you begin your journey of growing, developing, and changing in positive directions.

Make your own rules: A renegade guide to unconventional success

Make your own rules: A renegade guide to unconventional success
By Wayne Rogers with Josh Young

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

Having written a number of "rules" books myself, this one immediately caught my attention and intrigued me; however, I was skeptical from the outset because of the words "renegade," and "unconventional" in the title and then the author, Wayne Rogers, Trapper John on the TV series M*A*S*H, made me suspicious as well. What was there not to be skeptical about?

Then you read the front flyleaf about Rogers’ background: "since graduating from Princeton University, has applied his own iconoclastic vision to a wide range of business including a vinyard, a famous bridal boutique, a chain of convenience stores, the worlds of banking and real estate, a restaurant, a film distribution company, and more" (front flyleaf), and your interest is likely to be piqued somewhat.

The writing was comfortable, easy, and accessible. The examples were numerous and well incorporated, and although there were no footnotes, bibliography, or references, the book is based on Rogers’ personal experience—there is a lot of that—his analogies combining the world of business with his own experiences were apt, interesting, and in many cases, simply delightful.

Admittedly, his suggestions, experiences, and advice will not be appropriate for everyone and certainly won’t apply to everyone, but I found his ideas productive, interesting, and useful. Much of it, of course, is common sense, being in the right place at the right time, luck, fortunate connectivity, and basic abilities—but that’s all right since a successful life depends on these factors anyway. And what this book does is provide support and encouragement; nothing wrong with that!

If you like basic business books, straightforward personal advice based on a wide variety of business ventures, and a good (interesting) read, this is a good choice. It is by no means a great choice, but it serves its purpose well.

Friday Humor

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks,” he instructs her: “The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says: "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods: "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day," she says.

"From hunger, you mean?" the doctor asks.

"No, from skipping."