To Act in Spite of Your Fears Is a Genuine Act of Courage

by Richard L. Weaver II

Terrorism is a threat. Salmonella is a problem. Earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and hurricanes more frequent. The economy has not recovered. Our jobs are being outsourced. It is possible that the future will bring us even greater suffering and less happiness. Fear is an unpleasant, often strong, emotion, caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. Because it is a powerful emotion at the very core of our desire for self-preservation, it is the gatekeeper of our comfort zone, and our comfort zone is whatever is familiar to us.

Our comfort zone can be represented by a circle we draw around ourselves. Into that circle we place the people we know, the routines to which we have become accustomed, and the places where we feel at home. Whether these are good, happy, sad, or bad is immaterial. It is our comfort with them that keeps them in the circle. That is why people stay in bad marriages, boring jobs, and other belittling situations. Being afraid can feel normal to the point that calm or peacefulness may feel foreign or just plain uncomfortable. Breaking the bond of familiarity confronts us with the fear of the unknown: “Better the devil we know than the devil we don’t know.”

There is no doubt that there are times when fear is appropriate and useful. It helps us protect ourselves and to survive difficult times. There is little support in our society, however, for the healthy expression of fear; thus, many of us have become controlled and manipulated by unnamed, repressed fear. For many, it means a lifetime of confirming rather than relieving our fears. What many people do not realize is that fear limits our existence, creates greater fear, is the usual reaction to fear, and stifles true power. It is an unassailable barrier to living life to its fullest. As Marcus Aurelius said, “A man’s life is what his thoughts make of it.”

What does the voice of fear sound like? It is the voice in our heads that wonders what other people are thinking and how they will react. It wonders what might happen to the economy, to housing prices, to our partner, to our family, to our lifestyle, to our image, to our car. It is the voice that asks us, “Have I made the right decision?” “Will I have enough money?” “Will I be able to cope?”

It is the voice, too, that asks (perhaps not in so many words), “How will what is happening in the world affect my comfort zone?” And when we see things in the world either affecting or potentially affecting what is within the circle drawn around us, we not only express fear, but we are always finding more possibilities to fear.

This does not mean we should not think about the future or that we should not make plans. We must always look ahead and gauge the outcome of our actions. But when our mind is filled with the fear of what might or might not happen, both our intelligence and our imagination are being negatively affected. It is mental chatter that keeps us trapped.

When our mind is consumed with fear, it is not available to notice what is going on around us, to hear the sounds of birds, to feel the gentle touch of the wind, to perceive the creaking of the trees, to sense the mood of our spouse, to observe the reactions to our words, to spot others’ emotions or detect our own, or to consider how our body feels. Fear makes us half-conscious. Fear keeps us in our comfort zone. Fear leads us to resist the very changes that would help us solve our existing problems. As Mark Twain said, “I’ve lived a long life and seen a lot of hard times...most of which never happened.”

We fear change, because change can threaten our careers, our relationships, our position, our sense of control, our feelings of security, and our freedom. Because of the way we fear change, we resist new technologies, new working practices, new customs, new ways of thinking. We resist changes to our plans, circumstances, and lifestyle. We hold onto, for dear life, everything within our comfort zone no matter how unpleasant, contrary, untrue, annoying, troublesome, obnoxious, hateful, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, or disgusting.

How do you remove the gatekeeper and expand your comfort zone? Identifying your fears is the first helpful step towards overcoming them. Ask yourself, “What will I not do that I would really love to be doing?” “Does the way I live express or result in self-limitation?” “Am I over-cautious and prone to anxiety or panic?” “Is my overall view of life negative and suspicious?” It was Eleanor Roosevelt who said, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience when you really stop to look fear in the face.”

Second, you need to put something in place of fear. It could be the mind-clearing repetition of a mantra such as “I am safe in this moment.” It could be the reverent reiteration of a favorite prayer or sound. It could be imagining yourself in a calm and peaceful place such as sitting in a comfortable chair listening to the ocean waves tumble onto the beach. Remembering any past positive moments may work. Taking deliberate and well-prepared actions to ease or ward off our fears generates both energy and strength.

Third, just as you have allowed fears into your life, you can just as easily stop them from interfering with your life. Take charge. Refuse to continue living in the land of devastating possibilities. Stop the constant barrage of terrifying news by turning off the television, putting down the newspaper, and switching the radio to Mozart. If it is the 24/7 broadcasts of fear and mayhem that are kicking up your fear-based belief systems, do not cooperate. Instead, get involved with something greater than yourself.

Fourth, resolve to see things differently. Resolve to experience new ideas, have an open heart, take risks, dwell on the positive rather than the negative, and listen to people who cheer you on rather than those who echo your fear.

Remember that those sitting in the rocking chairs at the end of their lives are not regretting the actions they took. Instead, they are regretting the ones they did not take. When you can act in spite of your fears, you have achieved that fleeting thing that we all admire so much in others—the genuine act of courage.
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At JobCircle.com, in an essay, “Beyond your fear,” written by Julie Fuimano, MBA, RN is an Executive Coach with Nurturing Your Success Inc., first defines fear, then has a section entitled, “Fear as Motivator and as Suppressor:,” includes a section called, “Fear as a Message,” and ends with one called,“Uncover Your Greatest Fear.” She concludes her essay saying, “It's one thing to be afraid, it's quite another to let that fear run your life. YOU can decide for yourself how you want fear to impact your life. Be in charge of your fear by creating awareness around it and give yourself the freedom to choose.”

Victoria, at her website AskVictoria, includes an essay entitled, “Facing your Fears: 3 Steps to Facing any Fear.” Her three steps are, 1) Awareness, 2) Acknowledgment, and 3) Action.
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Copyright January, 2010 - And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.