LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when you forget to pull it down.


Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.


A little girl came home from school and said: "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something I didn't do."

"That's terrible! I'm going to speak to your teacher about it. Now what was it that you didn't do?"

"My homework."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #24 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

How I am preventing Alzheimer's disease

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.

This essay is not designed to be self-serving, egotistical, or self-absorbed, but if you read it that way, that’s okay.  More than anything, if you take away from this essay some things you can do to help ward off or prevent Alzheimer’s disease, then it has served its purpose.
    
Let me set the stage for what you’re about to read.  I am reading the book, 100 Simple Things You Can Do to Prevent Alzheimer’s: And Age-Related Memory Loss (Little, Brown, 2010).  In this excellent, well-researched book by medical journalist Jean Carper, she spends about one or two pages on each of the 100 items, so reading the book moves very fast.
    
The only reason I am making an essay out of this information is that I feel this is a must-read book for everyone — everyone!  Why?  Because it is precisely the material in this book that contributes to good health (vigor, strength, and wellness), a healthy lifestyle, and healthful living.
    
One other thing about making an essay out of this information.  Seldom do you find a book that reinforces most of the things you do or have chosen to do in your life.  For me, this one did.
    
I am simply going to go through her suggestions and mention only those that apply to me.  After all, it’s my essay — my choices!  For example, “Get smart about alcohol” is her first suggestion, and having just one beer a day for medicinal reasons satisfies that suggestion.  (I’ve never been drunk in my life!)
    
Eat antioxidant-rich foods.  The ones I enjoy are raisins, blueberries, artichokes, garlic, strawberries, dates, cherries, figs, apples with peel, pears with peel, sweet potatoes, broccoli florets, oranges, red grapes, and spinach.
    
Beware of bad fats by avoiding fatty meats, eating fat-free dairy products, cheese, and ice cream, trimming skin from poultry, and avoiding processed foods such as chips, doughnuts, cookies, crackers, stick margarine, solid baking fats, and salad oils.  Also, I avoid deep-fried foods.
    
Keep your balance.  I checked it this morning just to make sure I could follow Marilyn Moffat’s, (Ph.D. and a professor of physical therapy at New York University) directive: “stand on one foot, [arms across your chest] eyes open for at least 30 seconds.”  I had no trouble doing it using either foot for a full minute and could have easily continued much longer.
    
Carper says you can grow a bigger brain (to help you survive Alzheimer’s damage) by avoiding a lifestyle and activities “that shrink your brain — those that may lead to excessive alcohol, stress, overweight, nutritional deficiencies, and loss of sleep” (p. 48).
    
I keep my blood pressure down by cutting salt intake, following the DASH diet [grains, fruits, vegetables, low-fat dairy, nuts, legumes and seeds], exercising, avoiding all sugary soft drinks, and taking appropriate blood-pressure-lowering drugs.
    
I am, indeed, a busy body.  I keep my foot jiggling and my fingers fidgeting.  I use the stairs whenever I can, and I move my muscles whenever and wherever.  When I’m sitting at the computer (or even on the toilet), I strengthen my upper-body muscles by moving one shoulder forward and then the other — over and over.
    
Carper writes, “If you feel comfortable with high doses of caffeine, you may want to consider getting 400 or 500 mg a day to help ward off memory loss and Alzheimer’s” (p. 57).  I have never suffered any caffeine drawbacks “such as anxiety, jitters, insomnia, headaches, and increased blood pressure” (p. 58).  I have said yes to a “moderate daily intake of coffee” (p. 75).
    
I treat myself to chocolate, control bad cholesterol (through appropriate cholesterol lowering drugs), and, by “being responsible, honest, and hardworking” (p. 81), I “buck up [my] resistance to Alzheimer’s” (p. 81), and demonstrate my conscientiousness.  “Being disciplined and responsible,” claims Carper, “lessens Alzheimer’s risk” (p. 80).
    
I control diabetes (I don’t have it!), but I keep my blood sugar levels low, and “Critically important are,” writes Carper, “a low-saturated fat, low-sugar diet, regular exercise, and keeping [my] weight normal” (p. 94).  In addition, I try to be easygoing and upbeat, avoid environmental toxins (to the extent that I can), enjoy exercise (“It’s like Miracle-Gro for aging brain cells,” writes Carper), socialize regularly (I am an extrovert!), have my eyes checked regularly, avoid all fast foods, eat fatty fish regularly, surf the Internet constantly, guard against head injuries, avoid inactivity, try to keep infections away, fight inflamation, and find good information (how I discovered this book!), have an interesting job (looked forward to writing all my life!), drink juice every day, and have never been lonely.
    
There are two suggestions that Carper makes where I absolutely excel.  The first is to “Learn to Love Language.”  She says, “Linguistic skills build bigger, smarter, stronger brains” (p. 168).  The second suggestion where I excel is “Build ‘Cognitive Reserve’” (p. 77).  Carper says that you should “Fill up your brain with lots of fascinating stuff” (p. 77).  If you “Keep your brain busy throughout your life,” Carper writes, “having greater cognitive reserve may enable you to cope with the damage [of Alzheimer’s pathology], postponing the real tragedy of Alzheimer’s . . .” (P. 79).
    
Other things I have done which conform to Carper’s suggestions include embracing marriage (“Staying coupled makes your brain happier,” she writes.), knowing the dangers of meat, following the Mediterranean diet [green leafy vegetables, fish, fruits, nuts, legumes, and a little vino — I drink no wine], keeping mentally active, taking multivitamins, building strong muscles, taking nature hikes, doing new things, getting enough niacin, taking one baby-aspirin a day, having nuts, avoiding obesity, using olive oil, having a purpose in life, getting a good night’s sleep, avoiding smoking, having a big social circle, loving spinach, using statins, dealing with stress, cutting down on sugar, taking care of my teeth, watching my weight, and walking whenever I can.
    
I know this is a lot, but you get an idea of 1) what this wonderful book is all about, 2) what you can do to help prevent Alzheimer’s, and 3) how simple, straightforward, and practical Carper’s book is.  What writing this essay did for me was underscore my lifestyle, reinforce my wellness, and fortify the choices I have made thus far.  Although I could still get Alzheimer’s, I think my chances are less just because of all of the above.
- - - - - - - -
At Helpguide.org there is a thorough, practical, and informative essay, “Alzheimer’s Treatment and Prevention: How to Prevent or Slow Alzheimer’s Disease” (April, 2009), by Melissa Wayne MA, Jeanne Segal PhD, and Robert Segal MA.  The suggestions offered in this essay include exercise, good diet, build brain reserves, sufficient sleep, relaxation, management of stress, and protecting your brain.

4 Mind 4 Life: Good Health Tips, “30 Ways To Prevent Alzheimers Disease,” offers short, practical methods that echo most of those in Carper’s book.  The discussions are short, and the essay is easy-to-read and easy-to-digest.
- - - - - - -
Copyright March, 2012, by And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C.



    
   

Find contentment.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."  ---Epicurus
  Day #303 - Find contentment.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.  This is one of four motivational quotations for Day #303.  

Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday's Essay Preview

The first two paragraphs of Thursday's essay, "What I'm Doing to Prevent Alzheimer's," read as follows:

This essay is not designed to be self-serving, egotistical, or self-absorbed, but if you read it that way, that’s okay.  More than anything, if you take away from this essay some things you can do to help ward off or prevent Alzheimer’s disease, then it has served its purpose.
    
Let me set the stage for what you’re about to read.  I am reading the book, 100 Simple Things You Can Do to Prevent Alzheimer’s: And Age-Related Memory Loss (Little, Brown, 2010).  In this excellent, well-researched book by medical journalist Jean Carper, she spends about one or two pages on each of the 100 items, so reading the book moves very fast.
    


Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraphs of the essay

I know this is a lot, but you get an idea of 1) what this wonderful book is all about, 2) what you can do to help prevent Alzheimer’s, and 3) how simple, straightforward, and practical Carper’s book is.  What writing this essay did for me was underscore my lifestyle, reinforce my wellness, and fortify the choices I have made thus far.  Although I could still get Alzheimer’s, I think my chances are less just because of all of the above.
   



And Then Some News

The Grand Design

The Grand Design
By Stephen Hawking and Leonard Mlodinow

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II

I am not a physicist, although I took physics in high school.  I am not a scientist although both of my parents were, and I pursued a pre-medicine curriculum from 9th grade through my second year at the University of Michigan.  I say this only as a preface to my review, for unlike some who have reviewed this book who have sufficient credentials to examine the argument here, and unlike others who come at it from a definite viewpoint (or even worldview), I am but a lay reader interested in science and scientific information.  I love living in the age of the Hubble telescope just because of the wonders it has unfolded and the new definitions it has forced us to formulate.

I did not read this book to get answers to the three questions the authors pose toward the beginning of the book (p. 29): 1) What is the origin of the laws (that govern nature)? 2) Are there any exceptions to the laws (i.e., miracles)? And 3) Is there only one set of possible laws?  Common sense alone serves as a guide to the answers to these questions.  1) Human beings are the originators, 2) Of course there are exceptions; however, there is no such thing as miracles — never were! And 3) There are numerous sets of laws; there have to be.  (Now you see my point of view and from where I am coming.)

I read the book with an open mind.  After all, the authors have written an incredibly accessible book about a very complex set of ideas.  It’s a picture book, too, although the pictures really add very little to the substance.

I have never been fond of the big bang theory — even though I think those who support it really don’t understand it completely.  At the AllAboutScience web site, it makes the theory simple when it says: “Discoveries in astronomy and physics have shown beyond a reasonable doubt that our universe did in fact have a beginning. Prior to that moment there was nothing; during and after that moment there was something: our universe. The big bang theory is an effort to explain what happened during and after that moment.”  To this day, I do not believe there was ever “nothing.”  That doesn’t mean I support a static theory, just that universes are ever evolving and forever have evolved — there is no specific beginning; there will be no specific ending (except for human life on this planet, which is likely to end when the precious and precarious vicissitudes that allow for our existence change). The authors discuss these conditions.

The authors’ very simple explanations of the various scientific laws that govern the universe are wonderfully described.  I liked it when they said, “Einstein didn’t attempt to construct an artificial explanation for this [time as a physical process].  He drew the logical, if startling, conclusion that the measurement of the time taken, like the measurement of the distance covered, depends on the observer doing the measuring” (p. 97).

Readers need to take note of this important statement: it “depends on the observer doing the measuring,” for this observation can serve as a template for what the authors’ have labeled “the grand design.”  There is no reason to become disturbed or annoyed by their self-anointed position of supreme scientific authority (after all, this is Stephen Hawking!) in promulgating their grand design.  Because it is a catch-all, multi-faceted, all-encompassing theory that subsumes what theories exist and what theories may come to be, it makes sense for its versatility and widely encompassing embrace.

I thought the authors were courageous to take on those who believe that “the grand design is the work of some grand designer.  In the United States, because the Constitution prohibits the teaching of religion in schools,” they say, “that type of idea is called intelligent design, with the unstated but implied understanding that the designer is God.”  It may have been courageous; however, the argument is basic, fundamental, and easy to understand.

The authors continue in the next paragraph, “This is not the answer of modern science.  . . . Many people through the ages have attributed to God the beauty and complexity of nature that in their time seemed to have no scientific explanation.  But just as Darwin and Wallace explained how the apparently miraculous design of living forms could appear without intervention by a supreme being, the multiverse concept can explain the fine-tuning of physical law without the need for a benevolent creator who made the universe for our benefit” (pp. 164-165).

For readers who have no scientific (or physics) in their background, these authors may provide challenging (even threatening) information.  But, something that these authors do, and that readers should be especially thankful for, is to strengthen our appreciation of our place as humans on earth.  My goodness, how fortuitous!

This is a well-conceived, carefully written, thoroughly explained (especially for neophytes) book that deserves consideration.  In the end, of course, it may have far greater purpose and usefulness than what may be thought about today.  It could contain the explanation — the final theory — that becomes the grand design.

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
 
"Actually, no," the man replies. "Can you get him for me?" she asks. "I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently
.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him", she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #23 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

Resolving conflicts

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
    
It came as a surprise, but once I digested the request, it was understandable.  Several of the reviewer-critic-users of the ninth edition of my textbook, Communicating Effectively (McGraw-Hill, 2009) said that their students wanted more on resolving conflicts in the next edition.  I thought about the request and how best to respond to it.
    
How to deal with conflict was included in several chapters of the ninth edition.  I discussed it under the topic “Evaluating and Improving Relationships,” in “Small-group Leadership,” and in my chapter, “Communicating Professionally.”  After a great deal of thought, because it is not a small decision when you decide to change the order of chapters or add a new chapter to a well-received, heavily-used, popular college textbook, I decided to add a new chapter to the tenth edition titled, “Conflict Management.”  This would synthesize and unify my overall approach by drawing together all of the scattered elements.
    
Even the placement of the new chapter was important since it contained elements that had been part of three different chapters in the previous edition.  Once again, after a great deal of thought, I decided to make it the eighth chapter in the book just after discussing “Evaluating and Improving Relationships,” and before discussing professional and small-group communication in the next part of the book.
    
Also, in trying to satisfy the requests of my reviewer-critic-users, I had to decide what were the essential elements to be contained in the new chapter.  That is, how could I best supply exactly what my freshmen and sophomore readers wanted and needed.
    
One of the biggest challenges I have faced during my 35+ years of writing college textbooks is trying to satisfy my multiple audiences.  The first audience, of course, is always my editors and their judgment of what works and what doesn’t.  The second audience is my adopters — those teachers, instructors, and professors (my colleagues) — who must decide whether or not they want to teach from the book (whether or not they want their students to learn the material in the book).  The third audience is the students themselves.  For the most part, this is a silent audience, because I don’t hear directly from them at all.  Their wants, needs, wishes, and desires are filtered through the reviewer-critic-users’ heads; however, if I don’t satisfy them (as determined, of course, by the adopters), I don’t sell books.  You can see the challenge.
    
My goal was to give students tools to use when they faced conflicts; thus, on the second page of text in the new chapter on “Conflict Management,” I placed a marginal box, “Six Steps for Resolving Conflicts,” which listed them: 1) Cool off.  2) Tell what’s bothering you using owned messages. [This means taking responsibility for what is bothering you rather than blaming the other person.  It is thoroughly explained earlier in the book.] 3) Restate what you heard the other person say. [This helps avoid misunderstandings and makes certain that a conflict doesn’t occur just because one partner did not correctly hear what the other said.]
    
There are three additional steps as well.  4) Take responsibility. [You could say something like, “I’m probably getting too upset about this issue, but that’s me!”] 5) Brainstorm solutions looking for one that satisfies both parties. [Brainstorming is simply a method for generating a large number of alternatives without judgment or criticism.] 6) Affirm, forgive, or thank.  (An affirming response might be, “Okay, I didn’t let you explain your position.  Now, that I hear what you mean, you’re right.  It’s a great idea.”  A forgiving response might be, “Hey, I make a lot of mistakes, too.  I guess we all do.  Let’s just forgive and forget and move on.  What d’ya say?”  And a thanking response might be, “I’m so glad you pointed that out.  Thank you.  I just had never thought about it in this way before.”)
    
Within the text of the chapter, and in the section, “Resolving Conflict,” I offer readers a longer discussion about a conflict-resolution strategy that researchers in the field discovered.  After a thorough explanation of the six stages, there is a “Consider This” box inserted that quotes from a book, Feeling Good Together (Broadway Books, 2008) by David D. Burns, M.D.  The essential piece of advice (from a study he conducted of more than 1,200 individuals) regarding whether or not you will have a happy marriage can be determined from the answer to a single question: “Do you blame your partner for the problems in your relationship?”
    
Within my chapter on “Conflict Management,” I offer readers 13 specific techniques for resolving conflicts online, and there is a complete discussion of defensive communication and how readers can offset or counter a defensive climate with supportive strategies.  There is, too, a section of “Dealing with rejection.”  The marginal box in the section on “rejection” summarizes the section in four aspects: 1) avoid self-defeating assumptions, 2) don’t magnify its impact, 3) don’t let it compromise or derail your dreams, and 4) learn from it.
    
My chapter on “Conflict Management” also has sections on “Dealing with conflict at work,” “Conflict in groups,” and “Managing Group Conflict.”  Much of what is said within these sections is summarized in yet another marginal box.  One of the purposes of the marginal boxes is to highlight essential material that readers might not choose nor have time to read.  If readers are simply skimming a chapter to pick up some of the content (as opposed to all of the content), the marginal boxes might be something they would attend to.
    
One of the essential marginal boxes is labeled, “Nine Steps for Seeking Productive Solutions.”  These steps include: 1) Plan, prepare, and rehearse.  2) Set an appropriate climate.  3) Adopt a constructive attitude.  4) Assertively state the message.  5) All your message to sink in.  6) Listen carefully to the response.  7) Restate, clarify, and recycle.  8) Focus on solutions not on personalities.  And, 9) Plan to evaluate solutions.
    
If you have, or can adopt or assume, the following personality traits, you are best equipped to handle conflict situations.  Revealing maturity and wisdom rank first.  Consideration of and an ability to empathize with others rank second.  The third characteristic, but no less important than the first two, is the ability to remain open-minded, objective, tolerant, and flexible.  In addition to these important traits, your ability to see things in shades of gray rather than in black-and-white, a positive attitude toward conflict and its benefits, and the ability to offer options, alternatives, and choices.
- - - - - - - - -
At the Free Management Library website, there is an excellent resource, by Carter McNamara titled, “Basics of Conflict Management.”  McNamara discusses the topics, 1) Clarifying Confusion about Conflict, 2) Types of Managerial Actions that Cause Workplace Conflicts, 3)  Key Managerial Actions / Structures to Minimize Conflicts, 4) Ways People Deal With Conflict, 5) To Manage a Conflict Within Yourself - "Core Process," and, 6) To Manage a Conflict With Another - "Core Process."  This is an excellent resource with a great deal of information.

At eHow, the essay is titled, “How to deal with conflict in relationships,” and there are five suggestions: 1) Respect the other person, 2) acknowledge the issue, 3) discuss the problem, 4) compromise, and 5) renegotiate if necessary.
- - - - - - - - -
Copyright March, 2012, by And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C.
 

Be cheerful.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom"When you have a choice between being despondent and being cheerful, why not choose to look on the bright side of things?"  ---Richard L. Weaver II   Day #302 - Be cheerful.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.  This is one of four motivational quotations for Day #302.  

Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday's Essay Preview

The first paragraph of Thursday's essay, "Resolving Conflicts," reads as follows:

It came as a surprise, but once I digested the request, it was understandable.  Several of the reviewer-critic-users of the ninth edition of my textbook, Communicating Effectively (McGraw-Hill, 2009) said that their students wanted more on resolving conflicts in the next edition.  I thought about the request and how best to respond to it.
   


Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraphs of the essay

If you have, or can adopt or assume, the following personality traits, you are best equipped to handle conflict situations.  Revealing maturity and wisdom rank first.  Consideration of and an ability to empathize with others rank second.  The third characteristic, but no less important than the first two, is the ability to remain open-minded, objective, tolerant, and flexible.  In addition to these important traits, your ability to see things in shades of gray rather than in black-and-white, a positive attitude toward conflict and its benefits, and the ability to offer options, alternatives, and choices.



And Then Some News

100 simple things you can do to prevent Alzheimer's and age-related memory loss

100 simple things you can do to prevent Alzheimer's and age-related memory loss
By Jean Carper

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II

You must buy this book!

I have reviewed over 200 books, but this one — among them all so far — is one that should be read by everyone.

If you believe the title, Carper’s book is about Alzheimer’s and age-related memory loss, but when you read the book you quickly realize it is a book about healthy living, having a healthy lifestyle, and following a regimen that will bring you strength, vitality, and wellness.

100 suggestions seems like a lot; however, when you get going (each suggestion only takes up two or three pages) in this small, 294-page book.  She has over 200 references for the book, and she gives you the web site where you can go to check out her sources:

What I especially enjoy is finding a book that underscores and supports the lifestyle that I have already adopted.  I found that many of the suggestions by Carper are things I am already doing.  Most healthy readers will find the same thing; however, most healthy readers (like myself) will also be interested in obtaining just a little more, going for that extra edge (the extra mile), and not just getting their current lifestyle reinforced but finding something that pushes them a little harder, a little farther, too.

A couple of the suggestions I have highlighted include #24, “Build ‘Cognitive Reserve’—Fill up your brain with lots of fascinating stuff.”  That idea delighted me because of the book reviews and essays I write.  I think loving school, too, helps anyone build a cognitive reserve right from the outset.  Getting immersed in information, learning, knowledge, and experiences builds a useful lifelong benefit.

In addition to writing about the importance of higher education, Carper also upholds the value of reading and writing in her #56, “Learn to Love Language — Linguistic skills build bigger, smarter, stronger brains” (p. 168).

There are so many of her ideas that are just smart and worthy of adoption.  Whether you have heard much of this before, Carper offers the research to support her ideas.  We all need reminders to live properly and to be concerned about good health.

Two parts of the book need highlighting.  First, within each chapter Carper ends with “What to do?” where she translates what she has said in explaining the idea of the chapter into practical, down-to-earth, specific kinds of things readers can do to achieve the results they want.  For example, in #80, “Get a Good Night’s Sleep,” she writes as the first sentence of “What to do?”: “Don’t think of sleep as an inconvenience but as a legitimate way to subdue some of the brain’s most devastating enemies.  Take naps. . . . (pp. 233-234).

Also, the second part of the book that needs highlighting, I thought her section at the back of the book, “Putting it all together: Your anti-Alzheimer’s plan” was especially good for it underscored what everyone can begin doing right now — or, in other words, what the absolute, bottom-line, essentials are that can be started immediately: 1) surprise your brain, 2) get physical activity, 3) eat the right stuff and take supplements, and 4) take care of yourself.

You must buy this book!  (I’m encouraging my wife and my other family members to read it.  It’s that good!)  We purchased copies of the book and gave it as a gift to each of our four children.

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

The father of a young girl is late leaving the office when he remembers that it is his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a birthday present. He stops at a toy store and asks the sales clerk, " How much is the Barbie in the window?" 

The condescending sales clerk says, " Which Barbie? We have Barbie GoesTo the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Plays Volleyball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes To The Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Dancing For $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95." 

The surprised father asks, " Why does Divorced Barbie cost $265.95 while all the others cost only $19.95?" 

The sales clerk replies self-assuredly, "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture and Ken's computer."

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #22 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

Drinking jokes

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
   
*A man is sitting in a bar drinking a beer when a young lady walks up and says "So what are you drinking?" The man replies casually "Magic beer" and the lady asks "What kind of magic beer?" "What's so special about it?!?" says the man. He proceeds to get up and flies around the room 3 times and sits back down. The lady snaps "I bet you couldn't do that again even if your life depended on it!" So he gets up and flies around the room 3 more times. The lady says "I'll have what he's having!" She chugs it down and goes to the roof and jumps - falling to her death. The bartender looks at the man sitting at the bar and says "Superman, you're a jerk when your drunk."
   
*A black, a Rabbi, a Pollock, a blonde, a Russian, a priest, and a nun walk into the bar. The bartender says "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
   
*A man stomps into a bar, obviously angry. He growls at the bartender, "Gimme a beer", takes a slug, and shouts out, "All lawyers are assholes!"  A guy at the other end of the bar retorts, "You take that back!" The angry man snarls, "Why? Are you a lawyer?" The guy replies, "No, I'm an asshole!"
   
*An American walks into an Irish pub and says, "I'll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinness's in 10 minutes."
   
Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations.
One guy even leaves the bar. A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American, "Is that bet still on?"
   
"Sure."
   
So the bartender lines 10 Guinness's up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes.
   
As the American hands over the money he asks, "Where did you go when you left?"
   
The Irishman answers, "I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it."
   
*A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
   
Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knocking' mate, there's no paper in this one either."
   
*There is a great fruitcake recipe that goes like this: You'll need the following: A cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large brown eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whiskey.
       1. Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
       2. Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it's the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
       3. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
       4. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another cup.
       5. Turn off the mixer.
       6. Beat two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
       7. Mix on the tuner.
       8. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
       9. Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of saltm or something. Who cares?
      10. Check the whiskey.
      11. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
      12. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
      13. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
      14. Throw the bowl out of the window.
      15. Check the whiskey.
      16. Check the oven and wishkey every 5 doneness for minutes.
   
*A couple of drinking buddies who are airplane mechanics are in a hangar at JFK New York.  It’s fogged in and they have nothing to do.  One of them says to the other, “Man, have you got anything to drink?”
   
The other one says, “No, but I hear you can drink jet fuel, and it will kinda give you a buzz.”
   
So they do drink it, get smashed and have a great time, like only drinking buddies can.
   
The following morning, one of the men wakes up and he just knows his head will explode if he gets up, but it doesn’t. He gets up and feels good. In fact, he feels great! No hangover!
   
The phone rings. It’s his buddy. The buddy says, “Hey, how do you feel?”
   
“Great”, he said! “Just great”! The buddy says, “Yeah, I feel great too, and no hangover. That jet fuel stuff is great. We should do this more often!
   
“Yeah, we could, but there’s just one thing . . ”
   
“What’s that?”
   
“Did you fart yet?”
   
“No . . . ”
   
“Well, DON’T, ’cause I’m in Phoenix”
   
*A real woman is a man's best friend. She will  never stand him up and never let him down.  She will reassure him when he feels insecure  and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most  handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible...
   
No wait . . .sorry. . . .
   
I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that shit. Never mind.
   
*Pat and Mike had been drinking buddies and friends for years.
   
After having a few drinks in a bar, Mike said to Pat -
   
"We have been friends for years and years and if I should die before you do would you do me a favor? Get the best bottle of Irish whiskey you can find and pour it over my grave."
   
Pat replied, "I would be glad to do that for you my old friend.  But would you mind if I passed it through my bladder first?"
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At HELPGUIDE.org , there is an essay titled “Laughter is the Best Medicine: The Health Benefits of Humor and Laughter,” (May, 2010), by Melinda Smith, M.A., Gina Kemp, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., that explains how laughter is good for your health, the link between laughter and mental health, the social benefits of humor and laughter, how to bring more laughter and humor into your life, and ways to help yourself see the lighter side of life.  This is a serious article with a great deal of practical advice.

At About.com: Stress Management, the essay there is titled, “The Stress Management and Health Benefits of Laughter,” by Elizabeth Scott, offers this information in her first paragraph: “. . .  studies so far have shown that laughter can help relieve pain, bring greater happiness, and even increase immunity. Positive psychology names the propensity for laughter and sense of humor as one of the 24 main signature strengths one can possess, and laughter yoga clubs are springing up across the country.”  She offers specific stress management benefits of humor and the social benefits of laughter.  In addition, she discusses how to use laughter.
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Copyright March, 2012, by And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C.

Use serendipity.

SMOERs: Words of Wisdom"Serendipity.  Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for."  ---Lawrence Block
  Day #301 - Use serendipity.

SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.  This is one of four motivational quotations for Day #301.  

Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday's Essay Preview

The first paragraph of Thursday's essay, "Drinking Jokes," reads as follows:

*A man is sitting in a bar drinking a beer when a young lady walks up and says "So what are you drinking?" The man replies casually "Magic beer" and the lady asks "What kind of magic beer?" "What's so special about it?!?" says the man. He proceeds to get up and flies around the room 3 times and sits back down. The lady snaps "I bet you couldn't do that again even if your life depended on it!" So he gets up and flies around the room 3 more times. The lady says "I'll have what he's having!" She chugs it down and goes to the roof and jumps - falling to her death. The bartender looks at the man sitting at the bar and says "Superman, you're a jerk when your drunk."
   


Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraphs of the essay

*Pat and Mike had been drinking buddies and friends for years.
   
After having a few drinks in a bar, Mike said to Pat -
   
"We have been friends for years and years and if I should die before you do would you do me a favor? Get the best bottle of Irish whiskey you can find and pour it over my grave."
   
Pat replied, "I would be glad to do that for you my old friend.  But would you mind if I passed it through my bladder first?"



And Then Some News

Franklin and Eleanor: An Extraordinary Marriage

Franklin and Eleanor: An Extraordinary Marriage
By Hazel Rowley

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II

I had no idea what a terrific book this was until I gave it to my 98-year-old father-in-law.  Not only does Edgar Willis know history, but he lived through the Roosevelt era and even had the opportunity to shake Eleanor’s hand at one point.  His impression of her was extremely positive.  She wanted to know where Edgar was from, and Edgar remembered that she was very tall (5 feet 11 inches).

Edgar was thoroughly pleased with Rowley’s book (as most of the reviewers at Amazon.com were).  First, he thought Rowley’s writing was smooth, flawless, and engaging.  Edgar, having written a number of books himself (including several college textbooks), is a language guru.  By that I simply mean that one of the first things he looks for in another’s writing, is that author’s language: grammar, sentence construction, word choice, and vividness (or verbal flourishes).  He was very impressed.

Although this book is nonfiction, it is written much like a novel.  Edgar began reading it not thinking that he was even going to spend time with it), and he was quickly caught up in it.  I have brought him a number of books, and because he has several available to read, often he chooses to read those he already has rather than take on a new one.  This book by Rowley was truly an exception.  (He gives me back many that I offer him to read.)

Edgar wrote the book Civilian in an Ill-Fitting Uniform: A Memoir of World War II (And Then Some Publishing, 2009), and for that book he did a great deal of research and reading of history books.  For this reason, he was able to find several minor historical inaccuracies in Rowley’s book.  It should be clear, however, that Edgar is an expert on this period of history; thus, it is unlikely that most readers would be as astute, perceptive, and historically knowledgeable as he is.  (As an aside, he relished sharing those inaccuracies with my wife and myself as he cradled the book in his lap.)

Another element that both Edgar and I like in the nonfiction books we choose to read is the resources authors use.  The substance or text takes up 302 pages.  There are 8 pages of black and white pictures (19 pictures total).  There are 24 pages of notes — a total of 302 references (average of one note per page).  Also, her sources are outstanding.  She has really done her homework, and not only are her comments throughout the book well documented, but she has uncovered a number of sources that previous writers about the Roosevelt’s have either missed or not used.

One of the remarks Edgar made about the book, just after reading it and as he embraced it in his hands, is that he learned a number of new details about the Roosevelts that he did not know before.  For those who know little, they will learn a great deal.  It is not just about the Roosevelts, too.  One of the things you learn is the history of the time and the way the president and his wife impacted that history.  Thus, if you are a history buff, this is a great read.

One other positive aspect of the book is how well Rowley describes the relationship that Franklin and Eleanor had.  Not only does Rowley beautifully explain their humanity and their strengths and weaknesses, but you also get a clear picture of how the two respected each other, grew as a couple throughout their lives, and experienced an unusual and unconventional marriage.  

Dr. Wayne S. Swift wrote the following as a portion of his short review of this book at Amazon.com: “Cutting through myths and unfair characterizations, [Rowley] confidently portrays a much stronger and more flexible marriage than previous biographers had dared to see. I love and admire the authority and courage with which [Rowley] guides [readers] through [the Roosevelt’s] complex and fascinating world.”

Because of her engaging writing style, thorough documentation, and ability to bring Franklin and Eleanor’s relationship to light in a resonant, meaningful, and interesting manner, I give Rowley’s wonderful  book the full five stars it so richly deserves.

LAUGH . . . And Then Some!

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blond behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2

From Day #18 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II

The bus to Paradise Island

by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
    
It was an excursion — a specially arranged trip — for those attending the convention, and the arrangements for and cost of this event were paid well in advance.  The time of the meeting place for the luxury buses that were to transport us to the ferry that would take us across the water to Paradise Island was clarified and continually reinforced by the tour directors (and the convention hosts) who had arranged for this adventure, so nobody could claim (or complain) after the fact, that they did not know where to meet.
    
I was outside on the sidewalk in front of our convention hotel as the people who were going on the tour passed me by to get to the meeting place.  Many of those who passed even greeted me as they hurried on so as not to be late getting to the meeting place and the buses.
    
Knowing that tour buses seldom leave on time, I decided to go back to the hotel room to pick up some last-minute items (a hat, snacks, and some suntan lotion) to take with me to the Island.  I moved quickly even though I had a short wait for the elevator, and my room was at the end of the hallway on floor nine, but I knew I had plenty of time for seldom do tours begin exactly on time.
    
I picked up what I needed from the room knowing that time was ticking away now, decided to go down the stairs rather than waiting for the elevator, then ran rapidly toward the meeting place.  I had to wait for two traffic lights, but the wait in each case was short, and I still believed I had plenty of time to spare.
    
When I arrived at the meeting place, a bit out of breath I have to admit, there was noone there except one woman in uniform.  I approached her, my chest heaving slightly from the run, and I asked her where the busses were located.  She looked at me with shock on her face, and her reply was short and to the point: “I’m sorry, they have all left.  You’re ten minutes late.”
    
I missed the bus.  I couldn’t believe it, because I had never missed a bus in my life.  As-a-matter-of-fact, my tendency throughout my life was to arrive early.  Often, I was the first one at the meeting place.  I was surprised, to say the very least.
    
This wasn’t the first dream I had like that — especially when I was teaching at the university.  More on those in a moment.
    
In college, as a student, I would have nightmares about not showing up for an examination.  They were especially vivid and convincing around final-exam time.  It was that I would oversleep, get the location or time wrong, or just go along with my daily activities without even thinking I had an exam.  I think these nightmares occurred for three reasons.  First, in school I was always under a great deal of stress.  Most of this was self-inflicted.  Second, I have always been extremely time conscious, and being places on time was always a high, and important priority.  Third, I always did well in school; thus, I was grade-oriented, grade-conscious, even grade-obsessed.  Anything that might interfere, interrupt, or otherwise disrupt my quest for outstanding grades was of grave concern to me.
    
Panic over missing a final exam (even being late for one) created enormous emotions and stirred up fierce nightmares.
    
When I became a large-group lecturer at Bowling Green State University (BGSU), I took the job of teaching thousands of first- and second-year students incredibly seriously. Over my 22 years in that position I taught nearly 80,000 students.  Because BGSU did not have a lecture venue for the number of students enrolled in my course in any given term, I gave the same lecture 5 times to approximately 300 students per lecture.  This, as you might expect, added increased pressure to my job since I had to keep all students current with both the information and with the syllabus.
    
Talk about adding stress to my large-group lecturing responsibilities, there was nobody who could substitute, replace, or stand-in for me in my absence.  Besides directing the course, lectures were my sole duty.  For this reason alone, I never missed or was even late to one of them.  Nightmares about missing one increased substantially.
    
In an Ezine article, by Trevor Johnson titled, “What are the effects of nightmares?”  Johnson mentions five negative effects: 1) It makes you lack sleep.  2) It leaves a very heavy feeling.  3) It brings you back to the past.  4) It can cause heart attack.  5) It may cause anxiety attack.
    
Fortunately, for me, the fourth and fifth effects never occurred, but the vividness and intensity of the nightmares suggested that that potential was always present.
    
There were solutions even though my nightmare experiences have never been chronic.  The best solutions I discovered on the Internet were at WebMD-Sleep Disorders Guide, in an essay titled, “Nightmares in Adults,” that reported; “There are a number of . . . steps you can take on your own that may help reduce your nightmare frequency. Keeping a regular wake-sleep schedule is important. So is engaging in regular exercise, which will help alleviate nightmare-causing anxiety and stress. You may find that yoga and meditation are also helpful.
    
“Remember to practice good sleep hygiene, which will help prevent the sleep deprivation that can bring on nightmares in adults. Make your bedroom a relaxing, tranquil place that is reserved for sleep and sex, so that you don't associate it with stressful activities. Also, be cautious about the use of alcohol, caffeine, and nicotine, which can remain in your system for more than 12 hours and often disrupt sleep patterns.”  Most of these are precisely the solutions I used.
    
Looking back at the nightmare that I described at the beginning of this essay, “The bus to Paradise Island,” I decided that it was more like a dream than a nightmare, even though it mimicked in many respects those I had as a large-group lecturer.

 It occurred on January 22, 2011 — recently — so I did some self-analysis.  What I discovered was that I was putting a great deal of stress on myself just as I had done in college.  In this case, however, it was trying to produce a large number of these essays in the free time I had between finishing proofreading the tenth edition of my textbook, Communicating Effectively, and beginning work on the instructor’s manual and test bank for the book — which was likely to begin soon after.  For me, pressure/stress produces these vivid, intense nightmares/dreams that disturb my sleep and cause heaviness the following day.  My workaholic schedule, of course, isn’t a positive contributor!
- - - - - - - - -
At Sleepeducation.com, the essay, “Nightmares,” (October 21, 2005), by Donald R. Townsend, PhD, is excellent, thorough, and informative.  Among the many other things in the essay, Townsend says, “Managing stress in your life is an important way to help manage nightmares. Relaxation training may also help. It can assist you when the nightmares keep you from being able to go back to sleep. This method helps you reduce the anxiety or tension that keeps you from falling asleep.”

At suite101.com, Rebecca Turner has a terrific essay, “How to Stop Nightmares: Two Easy Ways to End Nightmares in Children and Adults,” (July 28, 2008), in which Turner says, “To look beyond fear, there needs to be some kind of conscious recognition of the dream state. As it happens, people already practice this state of awareness all over the world. It is known as lucid dreaming.
    
“Lucid dreams occur when the dreamer recognizes they are in a dream. This causes the conscious brain to wake up in the dream and all sensory systems are switched on. The dream becomes as vivid as real life, in the complete control of the dreamer.”  To interrupt/stop a nightmare, either wake up or look beyond fear.
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Copyright March, 2012, by And Then Some Publishing, L.L.C.

Choose how to spend your life.

	SMOERs: Words of Wisdom"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."  ---Joanne Kathleen Rowling   Day #300 - Choose how to spend your life. SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits.  This is one of four motivational quotations for Day #300.   Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com

And Then Some News

Thursday's Essay Preview

The first paragraph of Thursday's essay, "The Bus to Paradise Island," reads as follows:

It was an excursion — a specially arranged trip — for those attending the convention, and the arrangements for and cost of this event were paid well in advance.  The time of the meeting place for the luxury buses that were to transport us to the ferry that would take us across the water to Paradise Island was clarified and continually reinforced by the tour directors (and the convention hosts) who had arranged for this adventure, so nobody could claim (or complain) after the fact, that they did not know where to meet.
   


Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay

 It occurred on January 22, 2011 — recently — so I did some self-analysis.  What I discovered was that I was putting a great deal of stress on myself just as I had done in college.  In this case, however, it was trying to produce a large number of these essays in the free time I had between finishing proofreading the tenth edition of my textbook, Communicating Effectively, and beginning work on the instructor’s manual and test bank for the book — which was likely to begin soon after.  For me, pressure/stress produces these vivid, intense nightmares/dreams that disturb my sleep and cause heaviness the following day.  My workaholic schedule, of course, isn’t a positive contributor! 




And Then Some News

Soulpancake: Chew on life’s big questions (Speak your mind, unload your questions, figure out what it means to be human)

By Rainn Wilson

http://www.amazon.com/SoulPancake-Chew-Lifes-Big-Questions/dp/1401310338

Book review by Richard L. Weaver II

This is an impressive book — not a great one — but it is striking.  The artwork throughout is awe inspiring.  You can just sit back, turn the pages, and be mesmerized by stunning impressions.  Each page (or every-other-page) is full of astonishing, colorful, provocative, thought-inducing, and, in some cases, shocking images.  What I had fun doing with each image was to simply try to imagine how the artwork related to the quotations on the page.  In some cases this was easy; however, in some it was, indeed, a challenge.  In many cases, the relationship was remarkably creative.

What I found most unique in the entire book were the first six-and-a-half pages where Rainn Wilson introduced himself and his life’s journey.  I found it honest (as honest as a reader who doesn’t know Rainn Wilson at all can determine), straightforward, attention-grasping, and interesting.  If you are wondering how Rainn Wilson determined life’s essential questions, or what he reads and what he has experienced, or even how he became a spiritual being, he tells you.  

If you want a taste of his humor, he talks about the time when he and Phil (a friend) were watching a Mets game in Phil’s ramshackle apartment and Rainn told Phil about his “recent conversion to a belief in Wakan Tanka.”  They wanted to put his new belief to the test and the Mets were down 5-4 at the bottom of the ninth inning.  Rainn held up his arms in prayer and said, “Oh great spirit Wakan Tanka . . . If it is your will, please allow Darryl Strawberry to hit a home run and win the game.”

As soon as Rainn finished his prayer, THWACK, Darryl Strawberry “hit a two-run homer, and the Mets won.  Phil and I looked at each other, jaws dropped. . .” (p. iv).  Now, that’s enough to make just about anyone a believer (in Wakan Tanka!).

If the artwork doesn’t spellbind you, then the quotations will.  They are delicious, to say the least.  On average, there are about two or three quotations per page in this 205-page book.  The range of authors (for quotations) is broad including Mahatma Gandhi, Ambrose Pierce, Benjamin Spock, James Joyce, Aristotle, Viktor E. Frankl, Albert Schweitzer, Alexandre Dumas, George Santayana, Coretta Scott King, Eric Hoffer, Adolf Hitler, Buddha, Franz Kafka, Alexander Solzhenitsyn, Bill Maher, William Shakespeare, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., Elbert Hubbard, and many, many others.

But, here is the interesting thing about this book.  The artwork and the quotations are really not what this book is all about.  Surprise, surprise!  This is a workbook, and the artwork and quotations are there as catalysts.  That is, they are there as agents to assist in and speed up your reaction to the overall thought on the page.  On page 164, for example, the thought is “Gyrate Your Genius,” the artwork is amazing (objects designed to symbolize storage, tuning, sawing, and massaging), and there is a blank (on p. 164), for your reaction to this: “If the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office can sign off on Chia Pets and the Beerbrella, then what’s stopping you from throwing your idea into the mix?  Step 1: Think of a problem that irritates you.  Step 2: Channel your inner inventor. Step 3: Create a solution.  No matter how far-fetched it seems, sketch it out and name it.”  

On most pages, the questions occur under the heading, “Dig Deeper.”  On page 63, the overall thought is, “What one eye-opening experience should every person have?”  And, on the previous page, the third “Dig Deeper” question is, “What single experience most transformed you?”

I am not claiming this book is one of heavy substance; however, it is, more than anything, exactly what you make it.  You, as the reader/thinker/analyst, bring the “heavy substance” — or not!  If you simply want to look at the pictures and read the quotations, then it will likely perceived as lightweight.  It is as philosophical as you want to make it.  It is as spiritual as you want to make it.  It is as challenging or “deep” as you want to make it.  That is, indeed, what makes this book so fascinating, intriguing, and personal.

I liked Rainn Wilson’s own sales pitch for the book (p. xv).  He said, “The book is fun.  And cool to carry around.  Or put on a handsome shelf.  Or casually leave out on a coffee table as a conversation starter.  Or throw like a discus at the side of the head of an attacker” (p. xv).  How often are you likely to read such a paragraph by the author of a book?

So, where do I stand on this book?  I like artwork, quotations, and challenging questions.  Of course, I prefer more substance; however, I am willing to forego my quest for more substance (since I’m unlikely to answer all the questions and fill in all the blanks — bringing the “heavy substance” myself) just to experience such a unique book as this one.  If nothing else, it is just plain fun!

Soulpancake: Chew on life’s big questions (Speak your mind, unload your questions, figure out what it means to be human) can be purchased at Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/SoulPancake-Chew-Lifes-Big-Questions/dp/1401310338