Spousonomics: Using economics to master love, marriage, and dirty dishes
By Paula Szuchman and Jenny Anderson
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II
Although appropriate, the title of this book may put people off because it makes the book appear, at first glance, gimmicky, light, superficial, and trite. But the old aphorism holds true, “You can’t tell a book by its cover.” The subtitle more accurately conveys the important message the authors have for readers.
I loved this book. As in my reviews of other books that have to do with relationships, communication, listening, dealing with difficult people, or self-improvement, I claim that any book that offers advice and suggestions designed to improve people’s lives or relationships make a worthwhile and valuable contribution. Admittedly, that requires that readers read the books, absorb the information, internalize it, and practice it in their daily lives. Too often, I’m afraid, those who could benefit from the information the most are NOT those who read the books!
Having taught a course in interpersonal communication for more than twenty-five years, I discovered that the most interesting part of the course—according to student evaluations—was the section on relationship development, relationship evaluation, and relationship improvement. It was an upper-level undergraduate course and seemed to come at just the right time when students were thinking about, planning for, or beginning serious relationships.
One of the basic principles I espoused, and one that I wrote about in my textbook, UNDERSTANDING INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION (HarperCollins), is that although the idea that a relationship is 50-50—perhaps, thought of as an ideal—it is a wrong concept and does NOT work in practice for two reasons: 1) 50-50 is a subjective assessment; thus, what is 50-50 in one person’s mind is not necessarily 50-50 in another’s, and it leaves a great deal of room for debate and disagreement. 2) 50-50 does not work in practice simply because most people do not fulfill their part of the agreement, and a relationship without full commitment cannot last.
To make a relationship work successfully, partners need to commit themselves to giving the relationship far more than a 50% commitment, even 60-75%. The best approach is not to deal in percentages at all and simply say, “I am willing to give this relationship whatever it takes to make it successful.”
My wife and I have been married for well over 40 years (to each other!), and we have found that we each do everything we can (and, what needs to be done at any given time) to not just make our own life more satisfying and comfortable but to make life more satisfying and comfortable for our spouse as well. The more satisfying and comfortable we can make life for the person with whom we are living, the better our own life is. It is a joint effort, but it NEVER comes down to percentages or who is doing the most or giving the most effort. So what? We are both working for the same purpose—to make our relationship more satisfying.
Szuchman and Anderson have written a terrific book. They are fine writers, their concepts are accurate and helpful, their case studies are fun and interesting, and their advice and suggestions are both constructive and instructive. I delighted in the economic references, and it certainly gives the book a different slant than many others of the same genre.
Not only did the authors offer 9 pages of notes (302 items), but they clearly stated their investigation and research methods on pages xiii through xv of the introduction.
I am totally unaffected by the fact that some of the economic applications made may not be totally accurate—as one reviewer at Amazon.com (Benjamin Van Kammen) pointed out—these are amateurs (and they admit it), and it is really unlikely, as Kammen lamented in his review: “I am afraid that amateurs will read this book and come away with misconceptions about the assumptions and applicability of ideas such as rationality, neoclassical economics, temporal discounting, and information asymmetry.” Seriously?
What makes this book more readable than many others is the authors’ sense of humor. Their “take” on the world is delightful and delightfully engaging. You may not discover anything that is totally new to you (however, I would be surprised by that since most readers will never have considered the possibility of applying some basic economic concepts to relationships!), but you will not just find the case studies interesting, you will find Szuchman and Anderson’s deft touch and humor so captivating you may not want to put the book down once you begin reading it.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
LAUGH . . . And Then Some!
A woman, shopping for Thanksgiving dinner, was picking through the frozen turkeys at the supermarket.
She could not find one she felt was big enough for the special Thanksgiving dinner.
A clerk came buy to stock the bins and she asked “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The clerk responded “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
From Day #127 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
She could not find one she felt was big enough for the special Thanksgiving dinner.
A clerk came buy to stock the bins and she asked “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The clerk responded “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2
From Day #127 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Perfectly equipped
by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
T.S. Eliot wrote, “When a poet's mind is perfectly equipped for its work, it is constantly amalgamating disparate experiences." That is precisely the point of this essay. I could end the essay here, but it would be far too short to qualify for one of my essays.
Even the Bible weighs in on the topic for this essay. The American King James version translates 2 Timothy 3:17 in this way: “That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished to all good works.” Barnes’ Notes on the Bible explains 2 Timothy 3:17: “That the man of God may be perfect - The object is not merely to convince and to convert him; it is to furnish all the instruction needful for his entire perfection. The idea here is, not that any one is absolutely perfect, but that the Scriptures have laid down the way which leads to perfection, and that, if any one were perfect, he would find in the Scriptures all the instruction which he needed in those circumstances.”
Those phrases that need to be underscored are “thoroughly furnished,” and “all the instruction which he needed.”
It was 41-degrees outside at 3:15 a.m., and to beat a forecasted rain, I jogged before I began my regular toning and strengthening exercises, but as I jogged, I thought about how perfectly dressed I was for this weather. It wasn’t unusual clothing—a light jogging outfit, warm gloves, knit cap, and a reflector vest—but it suited the circumstances perfectly.
To be “perfectly equipped” is one of the reasons why I exercise and jog. Indeed, it is preparation for unknown and unpredictable circumstances. My mother’s second husband, who never exercised a day in his life, had a heart attack after shoveling and distributing a pile of gravel around his dog’s house. I exert myself in numerous situations where I am confident that exercising helps protect me from a similar fate.
Being “perfectly equipped” in the area of exercise offers a shield to ward off disease, illness, and health problems. Along with good nutrition, healthy eating and sleeping habits, it contributes, as well, to keeping my mind “perfectly equipped.”
My reading and writing and thinking, coupled with a vigorous and regular exercise program, help maintain a “perfectly equipped” mind. To make decisions, solve problems, engage in educated and intellectual discussions, and come at life in a astute, intuitive, and discerning manner, a well-toned and exercised mind is important.
One caveat is necessary here. When I say a “perfectly equipped” mind, I am not talking about having the best mind in the world nor am I making a comparison between my mind and that of others. I am simply saying that you not only want to develop the best mind of which you are capable, but that you need to maintain it at peak capacity as well.
Being “perfectly equipped” is important when you are traveling. To have to waste time making purchases of things you simply forgot or left behind is unnecessary. The more you travel the less likely it is that important items will be forgotten. Using a list, having the right luggage, carrying an already-well-stocked toilet-articles kit, and having enough clothes to cover every trip’s location and length is essential.
“Perfectly equipped” has, in much the same way, been of assistance in completing a wide variety of home repairs. When I need a new tool to do a job, I purchase it with the knowledge that I am likely to be using it again. The accumulation of tools over the years has maintained a well-stocked tool box.
These are obvious examples, but they reinforce an important point. To be “perfectly equipped” requires us to push ourselves harder, face new challenges, stretch our minds in new directions, and pursue new opportunities when they arise. I listened to a recent high-school graduate who had done the minimal amount of work necessary to graduate. He was not qualified to go to college, had gained minimum exposure to essential, basic information, and he took classes to accumulate the necessary credits to graduate, not for the purpose of expanding his own frontiers, stretching his mind, or because of interest in the course.
As an educator, my message to students has been consistent. Education is a tool, and the more education you get, the wider range of tools you accumulate. You not only learn better how to learn, but you begin applying your learning to a wide variety of problems and situations. You actually begin forming the habit of thinking well. And just like making home repairs when they occur, the more tools you have, the more likely you will be able to make the repairs necessary. The wider the range of “learning tools” developed, the wider the range of decisions and problems you will be able to make and solve.
Students are faced with changes in majors, changes in job opportunities, changes in interests, needs, values, and beliefs, as well as changes in society and in the economy. These are important learning opportunities for they challenge their thinking, force them to consider their future, and stretch them in new, different, and important ways—ways that will truly make a difference in their lives. Think just for a moment of all the issues that people face in their lives once they are out in the real world—beyond college.
The Bible—as noted in 2 Timothy 3:17—is correct, and the beauty of this citation is one knows exactly what “perfectly equipped” means because the Bible provides the answer to “thoroughly furnished,” and “all the instruction which he needed.” If it were truly as easy when it comes to getting an education! “Here is all you need to know to be ‘perfectly equipped,’” a professor might say, but it is never and can never be said!
The quotation by T.S. Eliot, “When a poet's mind is perfectly equipped for its work, it is constantly amalgamating disparate experiences," could as easily have been written for me, a writer. When I am working on a writing project—a book, essay, speech, or lecture—I am constantly combining, blending, and joining separate and diverse parts and, often, while I am exercising or jogging, the unity, confluence, or structure occurs magically as if by chance.
But it is not really an accident (chance) at all; it happens because I am prepared, and preparation in any field, discipline, domain, occupation, area, branch, or sphere is the key. You don’t prepare because you know what the future holds, you prepare to lay the foundation for a productive and active life!
- - - - - - - -
Hubpages is a terrific website for one reason: the quotations supplied are interesting, provocative, and worthwhile. The “essay,” “Zen Quotes 2 81: Zen is full of paradoxes. So are Zen quotes...,” is true, but you will enjoy them just the same. I was especially intrigued with the quotation from R.H. Blyth, which begins, “What is Zen? Zen means doing anything perfectly, making mistakes perfectly, being defeated perfectly, hesitating perfectly, doing anything perfectly or imperfectly, perfectly. What is the meaning of this perfectly? ...”
Now, I realize most readers will never have the opportunity to travel the outback in Australia; however, talk about needed preparation! At Traveldudes there is a wonderful essay, “Driving through Australia's Outback, be prepared for anything,” about what true preparation is all about. The writer offers all the suggestions for what to take, all the warnings about what to expect, but ends the essay saying, “After all these informations... experiencing the outback with your own 4x4 is sooo awesome! It's an experience you will never forget and it's worth to save some more money for doing a trip like that.”
- - - - - - -
Copyright December, 2012, by And Then Some Publishing LLC
T.S. Eliot wrote, “When a poet's mind is perfectly equipped for its work, it is constantly amalgamating disparate experiences." That is precisely the point of this essay. I could end the essay here, but it would be far too short to qualify for one of my essays.
Even the Bible weighs in on the topic for this essay. The American King James version translates 2 Timothy 3:17 in this way: “That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished to all good works.” Barnes’ Notes on the Bible explains 2 Timothy 3:17: “That the man of God may be perfect - The object is not merely to convince and to convert him; it is to furnish all the instruction needful for his entire perfection. The idea here is, not that any one is absolutely perfect, but that the Scriptures have laid down the way which leads to perfection, and that, if any one were perfect, he would find in the Scriptures all the instruction which he needed in those circumstances.”
Those phrases that need to be underscored are “thoroughly furnished,” and “all the instruction which he needed.”
It was 41-degrees outside at 3:15 a.m., and to beat a forecasted rain, I jogged before I began my regular toning and strengthening exercises, but as I jogged, I thought about how perfectly dressed I was for this weather. It wasn’t unusual clothing—a light jogging outfit, warm gloves, knit cap, and a reflector vest—but it suited the circumstances perfectly.
To be “perfectly equipped” is one of the reasons why I exercise and jog. Indeed, it is preparation for unknown and unpredictable circumstances. My mother’s second husband, who never exercised a day in his life, had a heart attack after shoveling and distributing a pile of gravel around his dog’s house. I exert myself in numerous situations where I am confident that exercising helps protect me from a similar fate.
Being “perfectly equipped” in the area of exercise offers a shield to ward off disease, illness, and health problems. Along with good nutrition, healthy eating and sleeping habits, it contributes, as well, to keeping my mind “perfectly equipped.”
My reading and writing and thinking, coupled with a vigorous and regular exercise program, help maintain a “perfectly equipped” mind. To make decisions, solve problems, engage in educated and intellectual discussions, and come at life in a astute, intuitive, and discerning manner, a well-toned and exercised mind is important.
One caveat is necessary here. When I say a “perfectly equipped” mind, I am not talking about having the best mind in the world nor am I making a comparison between my mind and that of others. I am simply saying that you not only want to develop the best mind of which you are capable, but that you need to maintain it at peak capacity as well.
Being “perfectly equipped” is important when you are traveling. To have to waste time making purchases of things you simply forgot or left behind is unnecessary. The more you travel the less likely it is that important items will be forgotten. Using a list, having the right luggage, carrying an already-well-stocked toilet-articles kit, and having enough clothes to cover every trip’s location and length is essential.
“Perfectly equipped” has, in much the same way, been of assistance in completing a wide variety of home repairs. When I need a new tool to do a job, I purchase it with the knowledge that I am likely to be using it again. The accumulation of tools over the years has maintained a well-stocked tool box.
These are obvious examples, but they reinforce an important point. To be “perfectly equipped” requires us to push ourselves harder, face new challenges, stretch our minds in new directions, and pursue new opportunities when they arise. I listened to a recent high-school graduate who had done the minimal amount of work necessary to graduate. He was not qualified to go to college, had gained minimum exposure to essential, basic information, and he took classes to accumulate the necessary credits to graduate, not for the purpose of expanding his own frontiers, stretching his mind, or because of interest in the course.
As an educator, my message to students has been consistent. Education is a tool, and the more education you get, the wider range of tools you accumulate. You not only learn better how to learn, but you begin applying your learning to a wide variety of problems and situations. You actually begin forming the habit of thinking well. And just like making home repairs when they occur, the more tools you have, the more likely you will be able to make the repairs necessary. The wider the range of “learning tools” developed, the wider the range of decisions and problems you will be able to make and solve.
Students are faced with changes in majors, changes in job opportunities, changes in interests, needs, values, and beliefs, as well as changes in society and in the economy. These are important learning opportunities for they challenge their thinking, force them to consider their future, and stretch them in new, different, and important ways—ways that will truly make a difference in their lives. Think just for a moment of all the issues that people face in their lives once they are out in the real world—beyond college.
The Bible—as noted in 2 Timothy 3:17—is correct, and the beauty of this citation is one knows exactly what “perfectly equipped” means because the Bible provides the answer to “thoroughly furnished,” and “all the instruction which he needed.” If it were truly as easy when it comes to getting an education! “Here is all you need to know to be ‘perfectly equipped,’” a professor might say, but it is never and can never be said!
The quotation by T.S. Eliot, “When a poet's mind is perfectly equipped for its work, it is constantly amalgamating disparate experiences," could as easily have been written for me, a writer. When I am working on a writing project—a book, essay, speech, or lecture—I am constantly combining, blending, and joining separate and diverse parts and, often, while I am exercising or jogging, the unity, confluence, or structure occurs magically as if by chance.
But it is not really an accident (chance) at all; it happens because I am prepared, and preparation in any field, discipline, domain, occupation, area, branch, or sphere is the key. You don’t prepare because you know what the future holds, you prepare to lay the foundation for a productive and active life!
- - - - - - - -
Hubpages is a terrific website for one reason: the quotations supplied are interesting, provocative, and worthwhile. The “essay,” “Zen Quotes 2 81: Zen is full of paradoxes. So are Zen quotes...,” is true, but you will enjoy them just the same. I was especially intrigued with the quotation from R.H. Blyth, which begins, “What is Zen? Zen means doing anything perfectly, making mistakes perfectly, being defeated perfectly, hesitating perfectly, doing anything perfectly or imperfectly, perfectly. What is the meaning of this perfectly? ...”
Now, I realize most readers will never have the opportunity to travel the outback in Australia; however, talk about needed preparation! At Traveldudes there is a wonderful essay, “Driving through Australia's Outback, be prepared for anything,” about what true preparation is all about. The writer offers all the suggestions for what to take, all the warnings about what to expect, but ends the essay saying, “After all these informations... experiencing the outback with your own 4x4 is sooo awesome! It's an experience you will never forget and it's worth to save some more money for doing a trip like that.”
- - - - - - -
Copyright December, 2012, by And Then Some Publishing LLC
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
When deserved, give praise at once.
SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits. This is one of four motivational quotations for Day #342.
Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
And Then Some News
Thursday's Essay Preview
The first paragraph of Thursday's essay, "Perfectly Equipped,'" reads as follows:
T.S. Eliot wrote, “When a poet's mind is perfectly equipped for its work, it is constantly amalgamating disparate experiences." That is precisely the point of this essay. I could end the essay here, but it would be far too short to qualify for one of my essays.
Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay
But it is not really an accident (chance) at all; it happens because I am prepared, and preparation in any field, discipline, domain, occupation, area, branch, or sphere is the key. You don’t prepare because you know what the future holds, you prepare to lay the foundation for a productive and active life!
And Then Some News
Monday, December 24, 2012
How to click with people: The secret to better relationships in business and in life
How to click with people: The secret to better relationships in business and in life
By Rick Kirschner
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II
The first thing I looked for when I opened this book was a section on “Notes,” or “References,” or “Other Readings,” or anything that would give you a clue that Kirschner reached outside of himself and his own personal resources to write this book. There are none at all. There isn’t even an index to the book.
The second thing I looked for when I opened this book—after finding no sources of any kind!—was the degree to which Kirschner’s information is accurate. I think there is no question on this; however, I found most of what he said to be common sense and common knowledge. Anyone who operates in the world today—in any capacity, I might add—knows and uses this information. Do we need it codified for us? Probably not. Does Kirschner add anything to the communication world? Not very much.
All that being said, did I find Kirschner’s suggestions for dealing with troublesome others to be valuable or even useful. Yes, I did. And I believe that any book, article, set of information, or advice that helps people get along well (or better) with others is worthwhile. This book is full of hundreds of practical, useful suggestions for getting along well with others.
In Chapter 7, “Clicking Electronically,” I found it interesting that Kirschner deals with clicking over the phone, clicking using e-mail, and clicking when using social networks, however, he never mentions clicking via texting. Admittedly, many of the suggestions for clicking using e-mail would be useful and appropriate, but a separate section on texting would make the book more up-to-date.
What I appreciated throughout the book was Kirschner’s emphasis on the importance of listening. Despite the context, everyone is likely to fair better if he or she begins with a listening perspective. He reveals the importance of listening by offering “A Short Course on Listening,” in Chapter 3, then refers back to that information throughout this 254-page book.
This is a “how-to” book designed for beginners—those with little or no experience in the world of relationships, getting along with others, making connections, being successful, developing meaningful associations, and communicating effectively.
One of the keys to success is captured by Kirscher when he says, “Stumbling blocks can cause a lot of frustration, and removing the stumbling block may require patience, flexibility, and determination” (p. 218). Patience, flexibility, and determination—no matter the context, issue, or people involved—is what effectiveness is all about. Often, we demand instant success or instant results, and the world of getting along with others doesn’t usually operate at that speed.
By Rick Kirschner
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II
The first thing I looked for when I opened this book was a section on “Notes,” or “References,” or “Other Readings,” or anything that would give you a clue that Kirschner reached outside of himself and his own personal resources to write this book. There are none at all. There isn’t even an index to the book.
The second thing I looked for when I opened this book—after finding no sources of any kind!—was the degree to which Kirschner’s information is accurate. I think there is no question on this; however, I found most of what he said to be common sense and common knowledge. Anyone who operates in the world today—in any capacity, I might add—knows and uses this information. Do we need it codified for us? Probably not. Does Kirschner add anything to the communication world? Not very much.
All that being said, did I find Kirschner’s suggestions for dealing with troublesome others to be valuable or even useful. Yes, I did. And I believe that any book, article, set of information, or advice that helps people get along well (or better) with others is worthwhile. This book is full of hundreds of practical, useful suggestions for getting along well with others.
In Chapter 7, “Clicking Electronically,” I found it interesting that Kirschner deals with clicking over the phone, clicking using e-mail, and clicking when using social networks, however, he never mentions clicking via texting. Admittedly, many of the suggestions for clicking using e-mail would be useful and appropriate, but a separate section on texting would make the book more up-to-date.
What I appreciated throughout the book was Kirschner’s emphasis on the importance of listening. Despite the context, everyone is likely to fair better if he or she begins with a listening perspective. He reveals the importance of listening by offering “A Short Course on Listening,” in Chapter 3, then refers back to that information throughout this 254-page book.
This is a “how-to” book designed for beginners—those with little or no experience in the world of relationships, getting along with others, making connections, being successful, developing meaningful associations, and communicating effectively.
One of the keys to success is captured by Kirscher when he says, “Stumbling blocks can cause a lot of frustration, and removing the stumbling block may require patience, flexibility, and determination” (p. 218). Patience, flexibility, and determination—no matter the context, issue, or people involved—is what effectiveness is all about. Often, we demand instant success or instant results, and the world of getting along with others doesn’t usually operate at that speed.
Friday, December 21, 2012
LAUGH . . . And Then Some!
What’s the definition of a minor second?
Two piccolos playing in unison.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch in a flute?
When you toss it in the trash and don’t hit the rim.
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The piano player does it with his left hand.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have machines for that now.
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
From Day #124 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Two piccolos playing in unison.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch in a flute?
When you toss it in the trash and don’t hit the rim.
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
The viola burns longer.
How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The piano player does it with his left hand.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They have machines for that now.
What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2
From Day #124 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you are
by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
A young lady in my interpersonal communication class asked for my advice about trying to find out who her real father was. She felt betrayed by him from childhood when she learned she was adopted, and she wanted to find out who could deceive, desert, and disappoint at such an intense and personal level. I remember my advice to her as if it were yesterday.
I told her that I thought it would be best for her to go forward with her life, not spend her time in what could be a fruitless and, potentially disappointing, search. I told her, too, that she needed to forgive her father to help free her from the negative baggage of anxiety, distress, and anger that she has carried for so many years. Finally, I said, you know, forgiving is not forgetting. It is, instead, having the courage, understanding, and maturity of knowing when to let go. (Whether or not she took my advice I’ll never know.)
It was Lewis B. Smedes who said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
I’m sure you know people who nurse grudges and keep track of every slight. Persistent unforgiveness is part of human nature. To forgive goes against a natural human tendency to seek revenge and the redress of justice.
The problem with unforgiveness is in the number of ways it works against our well being. Because of this, it is the subject of one of the hottest fields of research in clinical psychology. Before 1999, a search of the literature found only 50 studies even remotely related to the subject; now there are more than 4,500 published studies, and it has its own foundation—A Campaign for Forgiveness Research—where scientists are studying the way forgiveness works in individuals and among families and nations. One study, for example, is entitled “The Role of Forgiveness in Divorce Prevention,” while another is called “The Study of Forgiveness with Victims and Offenders.”
There are mental, physical, and spiritual difficulties that unforgiveness has the potential of causing. Regarding mental health, Frederic Luskin, in Stanford Medicine (Vol. 16, Number 4, Summer 1999), reports that when the research over the past 10 years is taken together, “the work so far demonstrates the power of forgiveness to heal emotional wounds.”
“What is intriguing about this research,” Luskin continues, “is that even people who are not depressed or particularly anxious can obtain the improved emotional and psychological functioning that comes from learning to forgive. This suggests that forgiveness may enable people who are functioning adequately to feel even better.”
Think of each of us as viewing the world through a very tiny, self-created lens. Negative thoughts can have a direct effect on how we construct and maintain that lens, especially if the negative thoughts have grown into a poison. By keeping negative thoughts with regard to someone, you are in fact ensuring that your body receives a regular supply of the poisons associated with those negative thoughts—since every thought results in the production of chemicals in the brain.
If the supply of poisons associated with those negative thoughts continues long enough, the effects will manifest themselves at the physical level. Unforgiveness is like carrying a live coal in your heart—far more damaging to yourself than to others.
Physically, research suggests that forgiveness reduces the stress of the state of unforgiveness. The poisons referred to above include a potent mixture of the chemicals associated with bitterness, anger, hostility, hatred, resentment, and the fear of being hurt or humiliated.
These, of course, have specific physiologic consequences such as increased blood pressure and hormonal changes that are linked to cardiovascular disease, immune suppression and, possibly, impaired neurological function and memory. Everett Worthington, executive director of A Campaign for Forgiveness Research, states that “Every time you feel unforgiveness, you are more likely to develop a health problem.”
“One study of students,” reported by Herb Denenberg in an online article entitled “The Importance of Forgiveness in Preventing Disease and Preserving Health” (Nov. 22, 2005), “found that even focusing on a personal grudge drove up blood pressure. When the same students imagined they had forgiven the grudge, blood pressure levels returned to normal.”
Studies from the Mayo Clinic found that where forgiveness is taught, emotional and physical well-being improved. Another study found that the less forgiving had more health problems.
The International Forgiveness Institute recommends a four-phase plan for achieving forgiveness. First, recognize the situation and acknowledge your pain. Second, commit yourself to forgiveness. Third, find a new way to think about the person who hurt you, perhaps employing meditation or prayer. Fourth, start to realize the relief brought about by forgiveness.
The four steps underscore what Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, a Harvard psychiatrist, writes in his book, Dare to Forgive. He writes that forgiveness is a choice, that it is a process, that it has to be cultivated, and because it goes against a natural human tendency to seek revenge and the redress of injustice, that it may require the help of friends, a therapist, or prayer.
And this leads to the spiritual difficulties of unforgiveness. The power and importance of forgiveness is central to every religion. When you forgive, there are no seeds of an unforgiving spirit planted in your heart. When you respond with unforgiveness, then you have a seed in your heart that slowly but surely develops into a root of bitterness. These roots can spread through your whole spiritual being and infect your entire spiritual life. In Hebrews 12:15 (NASB) it says, “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled.”
Not forgiving someone whom you have a reason to hate is certainly not easy. It could probably be argued that it is one of the most difficult things to do in your life. But, considering the potentially negative mental, physical, and spiritual effects of unforgiveness, and the predictive improved health and well-being that depend on forgiveness, sometimes the choice is staring you right in the face.
Bernard Meltzer said, “When you forgive, you in no way change the past, but you sure do change the future.” While unforgiveness makes you smaller, forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.
- - - - - - - - -
The essay at Celebrate Love “Forgiveness . . . What’s it for?” is a lengthy but worthwhile essay with many people responding to it.
Karen Houppert has a terrific 5-page essay “The Truth About Forgiveness” (Sunday, March 22, 2009) at The Washington Post website.
- - - - - - - - -
Copyright December, 2012, by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
A young lady in my interpersonal communication class asked for my advice about trying to find out who her real father was. She felt betrayed by him from childhood when she learned she was adopted, and she wanted to find out who could deceive, desert, and disappoint at such an intense and personal level. I remember my advice to her as if it were yesterday.
I told her that I thought it would be best for her to go forward with her life, not spend her time in what could be a fruitless and, potentially disappointing, search. I told her, too, that she needed to forgive her father to help free her from the negative baggage of anxiety, distress, and anger that she has carried for so many years. Finally, I said, you know, forgiving is not forgetting. It is, instead, having the courage, understanding, and maturity of knowing when to let go. (Whether or not she took my advice I’ll never know.)
It was Lewis B. Smedes who said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
I’m sure you know people who nurse grudges and keep track of every slight. Persistent unforgiveness is part of human nature. To forgive goes against a natural human tendency to seek revenge and the redress of justice.
The problem with unforgiveness is in the number of ways it works against our well being. Because of this, it is the subject of one of the hottest fields of research in clinical psychology. Before 1999, a search of the literature found only 50 studies even remotely related to the subject; now there are more than 4,500 published studies, and it has its own foundation—A Campaign for Forgiveness Research—where scientists are studying the way forgiveness works in individuals and among families and nations. One study, for example, is entitled “The Role of Forgiveness in Divorce Prevention,” while another is called “The Study of Forgiveness with Victims and Offenders.”
There are mental, physical, and spiritual difficulties that unforgiveness has the potential of causing. Regarding mental health, Frederic Luskin, in Stanford Medicine (Vol. 16, Number 4, Summer 1999), reports that when the research over the past 10 years is taken together, “the work so far demonstrates the power of forgiveness to heal emotional wounds.”
“What is intriguing about this research,” Luskin continues, “is that even people who are not depressed or particularly anxious can obtain the improved emotional and psychological functioning that comes from learning to forgive. This suggests that forgiveness may enable people who are functioning adequately to feel even better.”
Think of each of us as viewing the world through a very tiny, self-created lens. Negative thoughts can have a direct effect on how we construct and maintain that lens, especially if the negative thoughts have grown into a poison. By keeping negative thoughts with regard to someone, you are in fact ensuring that your body receives a regular supply of the poisons associated with those negative thoughts—since every thought results in the production of chemicals in the brain.
If the supply of poisons associated with those negative thoughts continues long enough, the effects will manifest themselves at the physical level. Unforgiveness is like carrying a live coal in your heart—far more damaging to yourself than to others.
Physically, research suggests that forgiveness reduces the stress of the state of unforgiveness. The poisons referred to above include a potent mixture of the chemicals associated with bitterness, anger, hostility, hatred, resentment, and the fear of being hurt or humiliated.
These, of course, have specific physiologic consequences such as increased blood pressure and hormonal changes that are linked to cardiovascular disease, immune suppression and, possibly, impaired neurological function and memory. Everett Worthington, executive director of A Campaign for Forgiveness Research, states that “Every time you feel unforgiveness, you are more likely to develop a health problem.”
“One study of students,” reported by Herb Denenberg in an online article entitled “The Importance of Forgiveness in Preventing Disease and Preserving Health” (Nov. 22, 2005), “found that even focusing on a personal grudge drove up blood pressure. When the same students imagined they had forgiven the grudge, blood pressure levels returned to normal.”
Studies from the Mayo Clinic found that where forgiveness is taught, emotional and physical well-being improved. Another study found that the less forgiving had more health problems.
The International Forgiveness Institute recommends a four-phase plan for achieving forgiveness. First, recognize the situation and acknowledge your pain. Second, commit yourself to forgiveness. Third, find a new way to think about the person who hurt you, perhaps employing meditation or prayer. Fourth, start to realize the relief brought about by forgiveness.
The four steps underscore what Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, a Harvard psychiatrist, writes in his book, Dare to Forgive. He writes that forgiveness is a choice, that it is a process, that it has to be cultivated, and because it goes against a natural human tendency to seek revenge and the redress of injustice, that it may require the help of friends, a therapist, or prayer.
And this leads to the spiritual difficulties of unforgiveness. The power and importance of forgiveness is central to every religion. When you forgive, there are no seeds of an unforgiving spirit planted in your heart. When you respond with unforgiveness, then you have a seed in your heart that slowly but surely develops into a root of bitterness. These roots can spread through your whole spiritual being and infect your entire spiritual life. In Hebrews 12:15 (NASB) it says, “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled.”
Not forgiving someone whom you have a reason to hate is certainly not easy. It could probably be argued that it is one of the most difficult things to do in your life. But, considering the potentially negative mental, physical, and spiritual effects of unforgiveness, and the predictive improved health and well-being that depend on forgiveness, sometimes the choice is staring you right in the face.
Bernard Meltzer said, “When you forgive, you in no way change the past, but you sure do change the future.” While unforgiveness makes you smaller, forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.
- - - - - - - - -
The essay at Celebrate Love “Forgiveness . . . What’s it for?” is a lengthy but worthwhile essay with many people responding to it.
Karen Houppert has a terrific 5-page essay “The Truth About Forgiveness” (Sunday, March 22, 2009) at The Washington Post website.
- - - - - - - - -
Copyright December, 2012, by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Try the untried.
SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits. This is one of four motivational quotations for Day #340.
Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
And Then Some News
Thursday's Essay Preview
The first paragraph of Thursday's essay, "Forgiveness Forces You to Grow Beyond What You Were,'" reads as follows:
A young lady in my interpersonal communication class asked for my advice about trying to find out who her real father was. She felt betrayed by him from childhood when she learned she was adopted, and she wanted to find out who could deceive, desert, and disappoint at such an intense and personal level. I remember my advice to her as if it were yesterday.
Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay
Bernard Meltzer said, “When you forgive, you in no way change the past, but you sure do change the future.” While unforgiveness makes you smaller, forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.
And Then Some News
Monday, December 17, 2012
The good among the great: 19 traits of the most admirable, creative, and joyous people
The good among the great: 19 traits of the most admirable, creative, and joyous people
By Donald Van de Mark
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II
I have read many self-help books, many motivational books, and many books of support and encouragement. I have even written a number of them myself, and my college textbooks on communication, in a sophisticated way, are like self-help, motivational books that offer students support and encouragement. Van de Mark’s book is all of these in one.
Also, throughout my professional career, too, I have depended upon the work of Abraham Maslow, and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs appears in many of my textbooks. I have never read Maslow’s nineteen specific personality traits that make people exceptional. It is these traits that provide the theoretical and philosophical underpinnings for Van de Mark’s book. He offers readers one chapter per trait.
I have to admit that I begin reading books like this one with a great deal of skepticism. Often, there is so much repetition between such books as these, and they reek of common sense and platitudes that offer little that is new. That being said, however, I have often felt that any book or set of ideas that encourage people to become more creative and joyous—much less admirable!—is, automatically, useful and valuable. Why not encourage people to improve themselves?
Well, let me tell you, this is really a very well-written book. Although the nineteen traits (autonomous, loving, ethical, unaffected, private, detached, experiential, realistic, laid back, performance and process oriented, egalitarian, jolly, empathetic, dutiful, appreciative, creative, exuberant, joyous, and transcendent) are not earth-shattering, nor do they plow new territory, Van de Mark is a terrific story teller, and along with some well-known celebrities (Warren Buffet, Meryl Streep, Ellen DeGeneres, Charles Schwab, Robin Williams, and Steve Case, to name a few), the book reads easily, comfortably, and will hold your attention.
If you are looking for quick condensations of what he writes in each chapter, read the “Takeaways” he offers at the end of every chapter. It is in those sections, especially, where the self-help orientation of the book is most pronounced. There are always five or six ideas that readers can survey, adopt, internalize, and practice.
Yes, I was impressed. It is clear that this is a well-constructed book. The ideas are interesting, and if you are looking for support and encouragement in your attempts to improve your life, Van de Mark offers a great place to begin your search.
By Donald Van de Mark
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II
I have read many self-help books, many motivational books, and many books of support and encouragement. I have even written a number of them myself, and my college textbooks on communication, in a sophisticated way, are like self-help, motivational books that offer students support and encouragement. Van de Mark’s book is all of these in one.
Also, throughout my professional career, too, I have depended upon the work of Abraham Maslow, and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs appears in many of my textbooks. I have never read Maslow’s nineteen specific personality traits that make people exceptional. It is these traits that provide the theoretical and philosophical underpinnings for Van de Mark’s book. He offers readers one chapter per trait.
I have to admit that I begin reading books like this one with a great deal of skepticism. Often, there is so much repetition between such books as these, and they reek of common sense and platitudes that offer little that is new. That being said, however, I have often felt that any book or set of ideas that encourage people to become more creative and joyous—much less admirable!—is, automatically, useful and valuable. Why not encourage people to improve themselves?
Well, let me tell you, this is really a very well-written book. Although the nineteen traits (autonomous, loving, ethical, unaffected, private, detached, experiential, realistic, laid back, performance and process oriented, egalitarian, jolly, empathetic, dutiful, appreciative, creative, exuberant, joyous, and transcendent) are not earth-shattering, nor do they plow new territory, Van de Mark is a terrific story teller, and along with some well-known celebrities (Warren Buffet, Meryl Streep, Ellen DeGeneres, Charles Schwab, Robin Williams, and Steve Case, to name a few), the book reads easily, comfortably, and will hold your attention.
If you are looking for quick condensations of what he writes in each chapter, read the “Takeaways” he offers at the end of every chapter. It is in those sections, especially, where the self-help orientation of the book is most pronounced. There are always five or six ideas that readers can survey, adopt, internalize, and practice.
Yes, I was impressed. It is clear that this is a well-constructed book. The ideas are interesting, and if you are looking for support and encouragement in your attempts to improve your life, Van de Mark offers a great place to begin your search.
Friday, December 14, 2012
LAUGH . . . And Then Some!
Why did the chicken wear red suspenders? In case there was a fire across the road.
Little Johnny was asked by his teacher to spell “straight,” little Johnny did so without error.
“Bravo,” said the teacher, “now, what does it mean?”
“Without water in it.”
From Day #123 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Little Johnny was asked by his teacher to spell “straight,” little Johnny did so without error.
“Bravo,” said the teacher, “now, what does it mean?”
“Without water in it.”
Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2
From Day #123 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Reflected appraisals
by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
“I think that I have never seen a man as well-defined as he,” is an adaptation of a line written by the poet (Alfred) Joyce Kilmer, from his poem, “Trees” (1913), “I think that I shall never see A poem lovely as a tree.” With my adaptation of Kilmer’s line, I am referring to my 98-year-old father-in-law, Edgar E. Willis; however, I admit, that at 98 most people are well defined.
This is not an essay of complaint nor objection; rather, it is one on “reflected appraisals.” Since most people reading this essay would not know a “reflected appraisal” unless they met it in a college classroom and knew they would be quizzed on it before that class ended, let me provide a definition taken from a college textbook (mine!): Communicating Effectively, 10e, McGraw-Hill, 2012, page 35.
“ . . . Your parents, your friends, and your teachers all tell you who you are through reflected appraisals: messages you get about yourself from others. Most reflected appraisals come from things people say about you. . . . All such messages from others help create your self-concept” (p. 35).
It is a simple concept, and basically it reminds readers of the important role that others play in the formation of their self-concept. It attempts to counter or refute the idea that a self-concept is something entirely self-derived or self-developed—that it comes from within the self and is projected outward to others. It is true, of course, that we take the impressions we get from others, assess them, mix and match them, re-adjust them as necessary, and put them together, much as we assemble a puzzle with thousands of very small pieces, to form a self-concept. And it is true, as well, that this self-concept is constantly changing as we go through each day. It is neither static nor invariable.
When I taught a course in interpersonal communication (and in my interpersonal college textbook as well), I was well-known for saying, “Other people provide the most important source of information we get about ourselves. The way we believe others perceive us, often is the way we perceive ourselves.”
In this essay I will be using the term “reflected appraisals” in a slightly different way. I want to reflect upon the traits I have seen in my father-in-law (Edgar) after a full year and a half of daily one-hour visits. Like the book by Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie (1997), I have come to know Edgar in a variety of different ways, and I am continually thinking about what I have learned and discovered, much as Mitch learned about Morrie Schwartz, his former professor, after he began to visit him on a weekly basis. Rather than detail the lessons about life I have learned—as Albom did in his book—I want to focus on the traits Edgar reveals that I want to avoid.
It is a coincidence that Edgar was my former professor, and throughout this essay I want readers to know that I have the utmost respect for him. As I write this essay (April 18, 2011), I am less than one week away from a lecture Edgar delivered, “Who wrote the Shakespeare plays,” to a group of just over 50 people, at the Way Public Library (Perrysburg, Ohio), at the age of 97 years. (He is 99 as this essay is posted on the blog.)
First, for the most part, Edgar has chosen a life of social exclusion. He now lives in an apartment at Kingston Residence (along with over 100 other seniors). With the exception of a monthly book-club meeting he feels he was forced to attend, and the speech he gave at Way Library, and meals he takes in the dining room, he attends none of the public events (talks, entertainment, movies, or other social occasions), and prefers to watch sports, read books, magazines, and newspapers, and enjoy daily visits by family members—in his room, by himself.
Edgar would claim that he gave his talk to “test his skills” and that he avoids public events because they conflict with news shows he wants to watch on television.
Second, and closely related to the first idea above, Edgar avoids social contacts. He eats with a group of men at breakfast, and there are two people at his table for lunch and dinner with whom he shares small talk. Other than that, the only social contacts he has are with family members. He never lingers in the lounge, seeks conversation with others in the Residence, nor enjoys being with others. He stays in his room, sits in a comfortable chair, and either reads or watches sports or news programs on television. If he was not forced to go to the dining room for meals, he would have all meals delivered to his room. Unless dictated by illness or health problems, there is an additional cost for having meals in his room.
Third, as can be seen from my description in the paragraph above, Edgar is extremely frugal. One of the things that made him happy about moving to Kingston Residence was that his financial capital would not be touched. His monthly Social Security and retirement checks fully cover his rent, and then some. Financially, he is extremely solvent, and he could be more generous if he chose to be. I know this is a personal decision, but he has limited himself in unnecessary ways. For example, he would enjoy television more if he upgraded one level to include both a golf channel and a classic-movie channel—but he won’t. He could enjoy meals with family members in a special dining room in the Residence—or take them out to a nice restaurant—but he won’t. He could pay his granddaughter for cutting his hair—but he won’t. (He has compensated her in many other very generous ways, however.)
There is a fourth characteristic, too, and that is that Edgar is critical. Over the years he has formed a number of opinions about others that he will not alter in any way. For example, he formed an opinion of Diane Sawyer, the ABC-news-reader, because she worked for Richard Nixon, and now he will not watch her. He formed opinions of Tiger Woods, not because of his womanizing, but because he raised his fist in a gesture (“up yours”) that he considered inappropriate, had a foul mouth, and showed disrespect to his gallery, that followed him throughout his career. He has strong negative opinions about a foot doctor in his Residence who he feels was late to an appointment, and he will not see him again. Nurses who detain him for the administration of his pills quickly gain admission to his devil’s list, and are never forgiven for their lateness—essentially, making him wait.
In all these cases, the reflected appraisals have taught me what I do not want to be and what I do not want to do. Not to be totally negative, Edgar reads, watches sports, is aware, alert, and mentally active, and he has an incredible memory. Even though most of what I have observed, as noted in this essay, are negative traits I want to avoid, they make me a stronger person by underscoring and firming-up the positive traits I have in place. Reflected appraisals have the potential for making you a stronger person with more clearly defined characteristics.
- - - - - - -
If you want more information on reflected appraisals, the JSTOR website and the article, “Reflected appraisals and self-esteem,: by the authors Charles Jaret, et. al., is an excellent resource for two reasons: 1) the information here is succinct and to the point, and 2) the sources that support this theory are offered in abundance and efficiently.
Alieshia Escalera has a short little essay, “Reflected Appraisal. When You Look in the Mirror, What Do You See?” that covers the definition, application, and value of reflected appraisals.
- - - - - - -
Copyright December, 2012, by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
“I think that I have never seen a man as well-defined as he,” is an adaptation of a line written by the poet (Alfred) Joyce Kilmer, from his poem, “Trees” (1913), “I think that I shall never see A poem lovely as a tree.” With my adaptation of Kilmer’s line, I am referring to my 98-year-old father-in-law, Edgar E. Willis; however, I admit, that at 98 most people are well defined.
This is not an essay of complaint nor objection; rather, it is one on “reflected appraisals.” Since most people reading this essay would not know a “reflected appraisal” unless they met it in a college classroom and knew they would be quizzed on it before that class ended, let me provide a definition taken from a college textbook (mine!): Communicating Effectively, 10e, McGraw-Hill, 2012, page 35.
“ . . . Your parents, your friends, and your teachers all tell you who you are through reflected appraisals: messages you get about yourself from others. Most reflected appraisals come from things people say about you. . . . All such messages from others help create your self-concept” (p. 35).
It is a simple concept, and basically it reminds readers of the important role that others play in the formation of their self-concept. It attempts to counter or refute the idea that a self-concept is something entirely self-derived or self-developed—that it comes from within the self and is projected outward to others. It is true, of course, that we take the impressions we get from others, assess them, mix and match them, re-adjust them as necessary, and put them together, much as we assemble a puzzle with thousands of very small pieces, to form a self-concept. And it is true, as well, that this self-concept is constantly changing as we go through each day. It is neither static nor invariable.
When I taught a course in interpersonal communication (and in my interpersonal college textbook as well), I was well-known for saying, “Other people provide the most important source of information we get about ourselves. The way we believe others perceive us, often is the way we perceive ourselves.”
In this essay I will be using the term “reflected appraisals” in a slightly different way. I want to reflect upon the traits I have seen in my father-in-law (Edgar) after a full year and a half of daily one-hour visits. Like the book by Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie (1997), I have come to know Edgar in a variety of different ways, and I am continually thinking about what I have learned and discovered, much as Mitch learned about Morrie Schwartz, his former professor, after he began to visit him on a weekly basis. Rather than detail the lessons about life I have learned—as Albom did in his book—I want to focus on the traits Edgar reveals that I want to avoid.
It is a coincidence that Edgar was my former professor, and throughout this essay I want readers to know that I have the utmost respect for him. As I write this essay (April 18, 2011), I am less than one week away from a lecture Edgar delivered, “Who wrote the Shakespeare plays,” to a group of just over 50 people, at the Way Public Library (Perrysburg, Ohio), at the age of 97 years. (He is 99 as this essay is posted on the blog.)
First, for the most part, Edgar has chosen a life of social exclusion. He now lives in an apartment at Kingston Residence (along with over 100 other seniors). With the exception of a monthly book-club meeting he feels he was forced to attend, and the speech he gave at Way Library, and meals he takes in the dining room, he attends none of the public events (talks, entertainment, movies, or other social occasions), and prefers to watch sports, read books, magazines, and newspapers, and enjoy daily visits by family members—in his room, by himself.
Edgar would claim that he gave his talk to “test his skills” and that he avoids public events because they conflict with news shows he wants to watch on television.
Second, and closely related to the first idea above, Edgar avoids social contacts. He eats with a group of men at breakfast, and there are two people at his table for lunch and dinner with whom he shares small talk. Other than that, the only social contacts he has are with family members. He never lingers in the lounge, seeks conversation with others in the Residence, nor enjoys being with others. He stays in his room, sits in a comfortable chair, and either reads or watches sports or news programs on television. If he was not forced to go to the dining room for meals, he would have all meals delivered to his room. Unless dictated by illness or health problems, there is an additional cost for having meals in his room.
Third, as can be seen from my description in the paragraph above, Edgar is extremely frugal. One of the things that made him happy about moving to Kingston Residence was that his financial capital would not be touched. His monthly Social Security and retirement checks fully cover his rent, and then some. Financially, he is extremely solvent, and he could be more generous if he chose to be. I know this is a personal decision, but he has limited himself in unnecessary ways. For example, he would enjoy television more if he upgraded one level to include both a golf channel and a classic-movie channel—but he won’t. He could enjoy meals with family members in a special dining room in the Residence—or take them out to a nice restaurant—but he won’t. He could pay his granddaughter for cutting his hair—but he won’t. (He has compensated her in many other very generous ways, however.)
There is a fourth characteristic, too, and that is that Edgar is critical. Over the years he has formed a number of opinions about others that he will not alter in any way. For example, he formed an opinion of Diane Sawyer, the ABC-news-reader, because she worked for Richard Nixon, and now he will not watch her. He formed opinions of Tiger Woods, not because of his womanizing, but because he raised his fist in a gesture (“up yours”) that he considered inappropriate, had a foul mouth, and showed disrespect to his gallery, that followed him throughout his career. He has strong negative opinions about a foot doctor in his Residence who he feels was late to an appointment, and he will not see him again. Nurses who detain him for the administration of his pills quickly gain admission to his devil’s list, and are never forgiven for their lateness—essentially, making him wait.
In all these cases, the reflected appraisals have taught me what I do not want to be and what I do not want to do. Not to be totally negative, Edgar reads, watches sports, is aware, alert, and mentally active, and he has an incredible memory. Even though most of what I have observed, as noted in this essay, are negative traits I want to avoid, they make me a stronger person by underscoring and firming-up the positive traits I have in place. Reflected appraisals have the potential for making you a stronger person with more clearly defined characteristics.
- - - - - - -
If you want more information on reflected appraisals, the JSTOR website and the article, “Reflected appraisals and self-esteem,: by the authors Charles Jaret, et. al., is an excellent resource for two reasons: 1) the information here is succinct and to the point, and 2) the sources that support this theory are offered in abundance and efficiently.
Alieshia Escalera has a short little essay, “Reflected Appraisal. When You Look in the Mirror, What Do You See?” that covers the definition, application, and value of reflected appraisals.
- - - - - - -
Copyright December, 2012, by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Deliver criticism with care.
SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits. This is one of four motivational quotations for Day #340.
Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
And Then Some News
Thursday's Essay Preview
The first paragraph of Thursday's essay, "Reflected Appraisals,'" reads as follows:
“I think that I have never seen a man as well-defined as he,” is an adaptation of a line written by the poet (Alfred) Joyce Kilmer, from his poem, “Trees” (1913), “I think that I shall never see A poem lovely as a tree.” With my adaptation of Kilmer’s line, I am referring to my 98-year-old father-in-law, Edgar E. Willis; however, I admit, that at 98 most people are well defined.
Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last paragraph of the essay
In all these cases, the reflected appraisals have taught me what I do not want to be and what I do not want to do. Not to be totally negative, Edgar reads, watches sports, is aware, alert, and mentally active, and he has an incredible memory. Even though most of what I have observed, as noted in this essay, are negative traits I want to avoid, they make me a stronger person by underscoring and firming-up the positive traits I have in place. Reflected appraisals have the potential for making you a stronger person with more clearly defined characteristics.
And Then Some News
Monday, December 10, 2012
The information: A history, a theory, a flood
The information: A history, a theory, a flood
By James Gleick
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II
With 426 footnotes, a 26-page bibliography, and 426 pages of text material, this book if formidable for anyone, but the kind of information located here, too, is likely to attract only those with intense interest in the subject. The book is excellent, well-written, and certainly well-researched, but I wonder how many people in the general population would find this book of interest? It is technical, academic, and specialized.
The reason I picked up this book is a simple one: my interest in language and the development of the word. For over thirty years I have written college textbooks on the subject of communication, and each one (without fail) contained a chapter on “verbal communication.” For the current textbook, COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY, 10th edition (McGraw-Hill, 2012), it is chapter 3. These chapters on language always appear near the front of the book and provide basic knowledge and understandings about the whole process of communication.
I was especially impressed with the writer’s writing style and the way he wove together the wealth of research and facts he accumulated during his investigation. Also noteworthy, is the way he made sense of it all for the reader. For example, he writes on page 273, “His point was that in the microscopic details, if we watch the motions of individual molecules, their behavior is the same forward and backward in time. We can run the film backward. But pan out, watch the box of gas as an ensemble, and statistically the mixing process becomes a one-way street. We can watch the fluid for all eternity, and it will never divide itself into hot molecules on one side and cool on the other” (p. 273).
Professor Donald Mitchell wrote this in his review of the book at Amazon.com: “If you love books about the history of science that tie many ideas, theories, and developments together and aren't a scientist, you'll have a good time with The Information.” Mitchell thought the book was too elementary for people who are in the field.
Samuel Gompers, in his review of the book at Amazon.com, really focused in one essential element that potential readers must know before pursuing this book: “Be advised however: this book isn't actually a history of information. It's a history of the scientists who deciphered the physical principles of information. And there is a definite difference. The former would be overly technical; the latter...Gleick's end result, is a nice and not too deep biography of the wizards who figured it all out.” Perhaps, that is what I found so fascinating. I thought the manner in which Gleick draws together all of the major developments throughout the history of information is spectacular, and makes this book a delightful, informative, and valuable addition to any personal library.
By James Gleick
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II
With 426 footnotes, a 26-page bibliography, and 426 pages of text material, this book if formidable for anyone, but the kind of information located here, too, is likely to attract only those with intense interest in the subject. The book is excellent, well-written, and certainly well-researched, but I wonder how many people in the general population would find this book of interest? It is technical, academic, and specialized.
The reason I picked up this book is a simple one: my interest in language and the development of the word. For over thirty years I have written college textbooks on the subject of communication, and each one (without fail) contained a chapter on “verbal communication.” For the current textbook, COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY, 10th edition (McGraw-Hill, 2012), it is chapter 3. These chapters on language always appear near the front of the book and provide basic knowledge and understandings about the whole process of communication.
I was especially impressed with the writer’s writing style and the way he wove together the wealth of research and facts he accumulated during his investigation. Also noteworthy, is the way he made sense of it all for the reader. For example, he writes on page 273, “His point was that in the microscopic details, if we watch the motions of individual molecules, their behavior is the same forward and backward in time. We can run the film backward. But pan out, watch the box of gas as an ensemble, and statistically the mixing process becomes a one-way street. We can watch the fluid for all eternity, and it will never divide itself into hot molecules on one side and cool on the other” (p. 273).
Professor Donald Mitchell wrote this in his review of the book at Amazon.com: “If you love books about the history of science that tie many ideas, theories, and developments together and aren't a scientist, you'll have a good time with The Information.” Mitchell thought the book was too elementary for people who are in the field.
Samuel Gompers, in his review of the book at Amazon.com, really focused in one essential element that potential readers must know before pursuing this book: “Be advised however: this book isn't actually a history of information. It's a history of the scientists who deciphered the physical principles of information. And there is a definite difference. The former would be overly technical; the latter...Gleick's end result, is a nice and not too deep biography of the wizards who figured it all out.” Perhaps, that is what I found so fascinating. I thought the manner in which Gleick draws together all of the major developments throughout the history of information is spectacular, and makes this book a delightful, informative, and valuable addition to any personal library.
Friday, December 7, 2012
LAUGH . . . And Then Some!
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day . . .
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men . . .
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”
From Day #117 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men . . .
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”
Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2
From Day #117 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Thursday, December 6, 2012
I'm unique
by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
One time it was a short article I read, another time it was a place I visited, and yet another time it was music I was listening to. The inspiration for my essays comes from so many different directions, and, in many cases, I’m not always certain exactly what or from where it originated. That’s the nature of my mind. It’s as if I am saying, “So many ideas, so little time!”
Sometimes my mind is unknowingly focused. For example, when I was working on a new edition of my textbook, Communicating Effectively, 10e (McGraw-Hill, 2012), and I was searching for a new slant, approach, or addition that would make the next edition unique (from previous editions). I didn’t even have to be focusing on the problem when the solution occurred. In many cases, when I am exercising or jogging, working on another project, or reading an essay, newspaper, magazine, or book, what I don’t even realize I am currently looking for, magically occurs.
The epiphany — the sudden realization or comprehension of the (larger) essence or meaning of something — comes unheralded and without warning. Sometimes it is bound with other ideas as if part of the same recipe; sometimes it is neatly wrapped as a present under the tree on Christmas morning; sometimes it is random, casual, nonspecific, and accidental. The process itself is unique and not easily explained.
But here is the key — maybe it’s just my key, but here goes — I love knowing that nobody else in the entire world (and nobody out there in the solar system as well for I like hyperbole at times like these) could possibly be thinking as I am. Nobody else could have these thoughts, ideas, and emotions in the exact instant I am having them. Talk about being unique!
Incidentally, the fact that somebody else actually could have the same (or even a similar) thought, idea, or emotion is irrelevant to my thinking in times like these. Since this thought (that someone could be as unique as I am in the same instant) contributes nothing at all to my progress and could even be a bit demoralizing (depressing or deflating?); it never crosses my mind (except in an essay where I have to be a little more rational!)
Why does this matter? That is, why is this a key? Because it serves as one more stimulus, prompt, incentive, impulse, or motivation. And here is how it works for me. I am a thinker (notice, I didn’t say “great thinker”!), and to know that my thoughts, ideas, and emotions at any given moment are unique (and, to satisfy my 98-year-old father-in-law’s proclivity for finding incorrect grammatical constructions, I will say “totally unique”), gives me the pleasure and satisfaction I need (look for?) as I use words to build the edifice of an essay or book.
I absolutely embrace the knowledge that I am a distinct human being with special, exclusive — idiosyncratic — thoughts, ideas, and emotions. This is what propels me forward, opens the vast doors of my imagination, squeezes the core of my creative juices, and focuses the beacons of my vision. I only wish I could bottle this dynamic energy, find an inspiring name for the concoction, and market it as a magic elixir.
I looked for ideas online regarding how others capture and use their thoughts, ideas, and emotions, and at the blog Warrior Forum, the stimulus idea was, “So many ideas...so little time. How do you manage that?” In response to the stimulus, Gie Grace writes, “Keep a notebook with you at all times. You may have epiphanies (or light-bulb moments) when you think of an idea to implement. During such moments, it is crucial for you to write them down, so you'll remember them later.”
As a response, too, Michael Newman writes, “I call it ‘the curse of the blessed'.’ It's a great gift — to be able to generate or attract ideas effortlessly. But, it's a double-edged sword.
“I'd record them as advised. Prioritise them and see how they relate to your business model or lifestyle. How can they help accelerate your growth? Do you notice a common theme? Concentrate on the most feasible. Focus on the ones that relate to your passions.
“No one makes money from how many ideas they're able to generate. Real moolah comes from focus, from concentration. From taking an idea to its logical conclusion. From testing them in the cold and harsh (and often loving) rays of fate.
“I was like that. Like a butterfly, floating from one dream to another . . . and another. . . .
“I started getting results when I decided on the most haunting idea. The most stubborn. The one that leaves you no peace. The one that fills you with joy.
“The key is self-discipline,” Newman writes.
At Ezine Articles, the essay by Joanne Julius Hunold, “Introverts - So Many Ideas, So Little Time,” offers several pieces of useful advice. Hunold writes, “First, get some clarity about exactly how you are stuck. For example, is it that you have difficulty choosing an idea (which means not choosing the others) or do you have difficulty deciding which one to do first? Do you realize you don't have enough time to pursue all of them? Or perhaps not enough money for all of them? Are you trying to do all of them at once and hence get overwhelmed? Is it plain old indecision? In other words, what is stopping you from doing?
Second, “Are you aware of your needs and values? This is a first step I put all my clients through. In terms of choosing actions, I recommend first doing the things that satisfy your needs. Then, after your needs have been met; choose the actions that are most closely aligned to your values.
Third, get your ideas out of your head: “Once you have your ideas out of your head and stored somewhere safe (in your notebook) you can stop fretting about what you have not done. This, believe it or not, frees you up to act when you are good and ready.”
Fourth, Hunold writes, “Make it OK to experiment and change your mind. Perhaps you have a lot of things you want to do because you are curious.”
Finally, she says, “go ahead and enjoy the thinking process.”
I love her last idea, of course. As I said earlier in this essay, I am a thinker (and fortunately, too, a doer!). And if this essay helps you de-construct your whole process of inspiration, perhaps, it has made a contribution. Maybe you just need to stop and meta-observe (examine your inside activities by taking a position outside yourself!). This, too, can be a delightful exercise — maybe even one that will prove how unique you are!
- - - - - - -
At ManifestYourPotential.com there is a delightful, pithy, essay, “What Makes Me Unique,” where the writer talks about “The Paradox of Uniqueness.” This is a short, thoughtful essay that will challenge you wonderfully. The writer ends this essay saying, “In your race through life, do you have all the information and tools you need to express your unique potential and live an extraordinary life before you run out of time, health, love and wisdom?”
At the Change My Life! website Steve Thomas has an essay, “I Am a Unique and Special Human Being, It’s All In the Mind” (May 11, 2010), in which he makes the point, “The very fact that we have in mind the thought that we, you, I am a unique and special human being makes us one. Most people have such a poor sense of self worth, that they can hardly come to grips with a thought like that. Fortunately, or unfortunately, we are what we think. If we believe ourselves to be worthless, then we tend to act that way. If we believe ourselves to be elite, something special, then we will tend to act that way.”
- - - - - - - -
Copyright December, 2012, by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
One time it was a short article I read, another time it was a place I visited, and yet another time it was music I was listening to. The inspiration for my essays comes from so many different directions, and, in many cases, I’m not always certain exactly what or from where it originated. That’s the nature of my mind. It’s as if I am saying, “So many ideas, so little time!”
Sometimes my mind is unknowingly focused. For example, when I was working on a new edition of my textbook, Communicating Effectively, 10e (McGraw-Hill, 2012), and I was searching for a new slant, approach, or addition that would make the next edition unique (from previous editions). I didn’t even have to be focusing on the problem when the solution occurred. In many cases, when I am exercising or jogging, working on another project, or reading an essay, newspaper, magazine, or book, what I don’t even realize I am currently looking for, magically occurs.
The epiphany — the sudden realization or comprehension of the (larger) essence or meaning of something — comes unheralded and without warning. Sometimes it is bound with other ideas as if part of the same recipe; sometimes it is neatly wrapped as a present under the tree on Christmas morning; sometimes it is random, casual, nonspecific, and accidental. The process itself is unique and not easily explained.
But here is the key — maybe it’s just my key, but here goes — I love knowing that nobody else in the entire world (and nobody out there in the solar system as well for I like hyperbole at times like these) could possibly be thinking as I am. Nobody else could have these thoughts, ideas, and emotions in the exact instant I am having them. Talk about being unique!
Incidentally, the fact that somebody else actually could have the same (or even a similar) thought, idea, or emotion is irrelevant to my thinking in times like these. Since this thought (that someone could be as unique as I am in the same instant) contributes nothing at all to my progress and could even be a bit demoralizing (depressing or deflating?); it never crosses my mind (except in an essay where I have to be a little more rational!)
Why does this matter? That is, why is this a key? Because it serves as one more stimulus, prompt, incentive, impulse, or motivation. And here is how it works for me. I am a thinker (notice, I didn’t say “great thinker”!), and to know that my thoughts, ideas, and emotions at any given moment are unique (and, to satisfy my 98-year-old father-in-law’s proclivity for finding incorrect grammatical constructions, I will say “totally unique”), gives me the pleasure and satisfaction I need (look for?) as I use words to build the edifice of an essay or book.
I absolutely embrace the knowledge that I am a distinct human being with special, exclusive — idiosyncratic — thoughts, ideas, and emotions. This is what propels me forward, opens the vast doors of my imagination, squeezes the core of my creative juices, and focuses the beacons of my vision. I only wish I could bottle this dynamic energy, find an inspiring name for the concoction, and market it as a magic elixir.
I looked for ideas online regarding how others capture and use their thoughts, ideas, and emotions, and at the blog Warrior Forum, the stimulus idea was, “So many ideas...so little time. How do you manage that?” In response to the stimulus, Gie Grace writes, “Keep a notebook with you at all times. You may have epiphanies (or light-bulb moments) when you think of an idea to implement. During such moments, it is crucial for you to write them down, so you'll remember them later.”
As a response, too, Michael Newman writes, “I call it ‘the curse of the blessed'.’ It's a great gift — to be able to generate or attract ideas effortlessly. But, it's a double-edged sword.
“I'd record them as advised. Prioritise them and see how they relate to your business model or lifestyle. How can they help accelerate your growth? Do you notice a common theme? Concentrate on the most feasible. Focus on the ones that relate to your passions.
“No one makes money from how many ideas they're able to generate. Real moolah comes from focus, from concentration. From taking an idea to its logical conclusion. From testing them in the cold and harsh (and often loving) rays of fate.
“I was like that. Like a butterfly, floating from one dream to another . . . and another. . . .
“I started getting results when I decided on the most haunting idea. The most stubborn. The one that leaves you no peace. The one that fills you with joy.
“The key is self-discipline,” Newman writes.
At Ezine Articles, the essay by Joanne Julius Hunold, “Introverts - So Many Ideas, So Little Time,” offers several pieces of useful advice. Hunold writes, “First, get some clarity about exactly how you are stuck. For example, is it that you have difficulty choosing an idea (which means not choosing the others) or do you have difficulty deciding which one to do first? Do you realize you don't have enough time to pursue all of them? Or perhaps not enough money for all of them? Are you trying to do all of them at once and hence get overwhelmed? Is it plain old indecision? In other words, what is stopping you from doing?
Second, “Are you aware of your needs and values? This is a first step I put all my clients through. In terms of choosing actions, I recommend first doing the things that satisfy your needs. Then, after your needs have been met; choose the actions that are most closely aligned to your values.
Third, get your ideas out of your head: “Once you have your ideas out of your head and stored somewhere safe (in your notebook) you can stop fretting about what you have not done. This, believe it or not, frees you up to act when you are good and ready.”
Fourth, Hunold writes, “Make it OK to experiment and change your mind. Perhaps you have a lot of things you want to do because you are curious.”
Finally, she says, “go ahead and enjoy the thinking process.”
I love her last idea, of course. As I said earlier in this essay, I am a thinker (and fortunately, too, a doer!). And if this essay helps you de-construct your whole process of inspiration, perhaps, it has made a contribution. Maybe you just need to stop and meta-observe (examine your inside activities by taking a position outside yourself!). This, too, can be a delightful exercise — maybe even one that will prove how unique you are!
- - - - - - -
At ManifestYourPotential.com there is a delightful, pithy, essay, “What Makes Me Unique,” where the writer talks about “The Paradox of Uniqueness.” This is a short, thoughtful essay that will challenge you wonderfully. The writer ends this essay saying, “In your race through life, do you have all the information and tools you need to express your unique potential and live an extraordinary life before you run out of time, health, love and wisdom?”
At the Change My Life! website Steve Thomas has an essay, “I Am a Unique and Special Human Being, It’s All In the Mind” (May 11, 2010), in which he makes the point, “The very fact that we have in mind the thought that we, you, I am a unique and special human being makes us one. Most people have such a poor sense of self worth, that they can hardly come to grips with a thought like that. Fortunately, or unfortunately, we are what we think. If we believe ourselves to be worthless, then we tend to act that way. If we believe ourselves to be elite, something special, then we will tend to act that way.”
- - - - - - - -
Copyright December, 2012, by And Then Some Publishing L.L.C.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Only you can make you happy.
SMOERs: Self-Motivation, Optimism, Encouragement Rules! - Daily Reminders for Outstanding Living An everyday guide full of quotations to uplift your spirits. This is one of four motivational quotations for Day #339.
Free 30-Day sample: smoers.com
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
And Then Some News
Thursday's Essay Preview
The first paragraph of Thursday's essay, "I'm Unique,'" reads as follows:
One time it was a short
article I read, another time it was a place I visited, and yet another
time it was music I was listening to. The inspiration for my essays
comes from so many different directions, and, in many cases, I’m not
always certain exactly what or from where it originated. That’s the
nature of my mind. It’s as if I am saying, “So many ideas, so little
time!”
Thursday's Essay Excerpt - from the last two paragraphs of the essayFinally, she says, “go ahead and enjoy the thinking process.”
I love her last idea, of course. As I said earlier in this essay, I am a thinker (and fortunately, too, a doer!). And if this essay helps you de-construct your whole process of inspiration, perhaps, it has made a contribution. Maybe you just need to stop and meta-observe (examine your inside activities by taking a position outside yourself!). This, too, can be a delightful exercise — maybe even one that will prove how unique you are!
And Then Some News
Monday, December 3, 2012
Too many bosses, too few leaders: The three essential principles you need to become an extraordinary leader
Too many bosses, too few leaders: The three essential principles you need to become an extraordinary leader
By Rajeev Peshawaria
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II
I am totally unfamiliar with Peshawaria, but his short biography on the back flyleaf is impressive: [He is] “currently the Chief Executive Officer of the ICLIF Leadership & Governace Center in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. He was a founding member of Goldman Sachs’s leadership development program called Pine Street and served as Chief Learning Officer for Morgan Stanley and the Coca-Cola Company as well as Global Director of Leadership Development programs at American Express.” That kind of a background is impressive and proves that Peshawaria has experience to share with readers.
I liked this book for the way Peshawaria writes and for the wonderful examples he uses throughout the book. I loved his three essential principles: 1) clearly define your purpose and your values, 2) nobody can motivate another person because every individual comes premotivated, and 3) a leader’s job is to create the conditions that will galvanize the energy of others to facilitate sustainable collective success (pp. xvi-xviii).
I am not suggesting that this book is full of revelations or new discoveries, because it is not. It is definitely for beginning leaders because the stories here are motivational, encouraging, and certainly full of useful (for beginning leaders) insights and observations. I loved the author’s own personal experiences, and I believe his advice is spot on. With a background like his (see paragraph one above), you would not only expect but respect his additional personal experiences.
Peshawaria writes directly to the reader: “As you read about these real features in more detail below, consider one more key point about employee motivation” (p. 5). You really feel 1) Peshawaria knows what he is talking about, 2) has a real, sincere passion for sharing what he knows, and 3) wants readers to understand, learn, and absorb his lessons. It is truly a delightful experience—one that makes you feel you are in the hands of a benevolent mentor.
Although I can’t compare this book with other similar leadership books—since this is not my area of expertise or reading experience—I do think Peshawaria has something significant and important to say to young leaders, leaders looking for an extra shot in the arm, or leaders who are simply looking for confirmation and reassurance that what they are doing is correct, and it is for these reasons that I recommend this book without hesitation or reservation. Besides, he’s a good writer, and the book is a good read.
By Rajeev Peshawaria
Book review by Richard L. Weaver II
I am totally unfamiliar with Peshawaria, but his short biography on the back flyleaf is impressive: [He is] “currently the Chief Executive Officer of the ICLIF Leadership & Governace Center in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. He was a founding member of Goldman Sachs’s leadership development program called Pine Street and served as Chief Learning Officer for Morgan Stanley and the Coca-Cola Company as well as Global Director of Leadership Development programs at American Express.” That kind of a background is impressive and proves that Peshawaria has experience to share with readers.
I liked this book for the way Peshawaria writes and for the wonderful examples he uses throughout the book. I loved his three essential principles: 1) clearly define your purpose and your values, 2) nobody can motivate another person because every individual comes premotivated, and 3) a leader’s job is to create the conditions that will galvanize the energy of others to facilitate sustainable collective success (pp. xvi-xviii).
I am not suggesting that this book is full of revelations or new discoveries, because it is not. It is definitely for beginning leaders because the stories here are motivational, encouraging, and certainly full of useful (for beginning leaders) insights and observations. I loved the author’s own personal experiences, and I believe his advice is spot on. With a background like his (see paragraph one above), you would not only expect but respect his additional personal experiences.
Peshawaria writes directly to the reader: “As you read about these real features in more detail below, consider one more key point about employee motivation” (p. 5). You really feel 1) Peshawaria knows what he is talking about, 2) has a real, sincere passion for sharing what he knows, and 3) wants readers to understand, learn, and absorb his lessons. It is truly a delightful experience—one that makes you feel you are in the hands of a benevolent mentor.
Although I can’t compare this book with other similar leadership books—since this is not my area of expertise or reading experience—I do think Peshawaria has something significant and important to say to young leaders, leaders looking for an extra shot in the arm, or leaders who are simply looking for confirmation and reassurance that what they are doing is correct, and it is for these reasons that I recommend this book without hesitation or reservation. Besides, he’s a good writer, and the book is a good read.
Friday, November 30, 2012
LAUGH . . . And Then Some!
A man and a
parrot sit next to each other in a plane. The service in the plane is
really bad, the man hasn’t had a drink for hours and he’s starting to
dehydrate. The parrot on the other hand is getting drink after drink by
the harrowed cabin crew. Each time the parrot orders a drink it does so
with a lot of cursing and shouting. The man decides to follow the same
tactic and starts shouting: “he b*tch get me a whiskey!”. To his
surprise he gets his whiskey and follows through with the same tactic.
Soon, both man and parrot outdo each other in shouting and insults until
the cabin crew has had enough. They grab the man and parrot and throw
them out of the plane. Now both of them are plummeting towards the
ground below when the parrot says to the man: “boy, for someone who
can’t fly you sure do curse a lot”.
From Day #116 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Laugh Like There's No Tomorrow: Over 2,000 jokes from the Internet, Volume 2
From Day #116 in a second complete manuscript compiled by Richard L. Weaver II
Thursday, November 29, 2012
". . . To the beat of a different drummer"
by Richard L. Weaver II, Ph.D.
At the website Yahoo!Answers, an unknown respondent wrote the following in response to this prompt: “Henry David Thoreau said.....march to the beat of a different drummer....?” “In the conclusion to 'Walden,' Thoreau writes, "If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away." He meant,” said this respondent, “that one should do things in one's own way regardless of societal norms and expectations.”
There is no doubt that society encourages (forces?) conformity, so the question, “How do you march to the beat of a different drummer?” is a legitimate one. Or, to state it a bit differently, “How can you make yourself stand out?” The essential bottom line has to do with social skills, and there are many things you can do.
There are two underlying characteristics that will lubricate the social skills I will discuss in this essay. The first, is confidence. Confidence, alone, will convince others of your credibility and worth. What you need to do is reveal the characteristics that demonstrate confidence: When you act independently, assume responsibility, take pride in your abilities, deal maturely and intelligently with your emotions, willingly accept new challenges, and handle problems effectively and efficiently, you convey confidence.
The second underlying characteristic that will lubricate your social skills is a sense of humor. How do you develop a sense of humor? First, observe others who are funny, and mimic their behavior. Start laughing when other people laugh. Make this a habit. Natural laughing will follow, and it will become automatic when funny things take place. Also, see the funny side of things even if they are difficult or embarrassing. Injecting lightheartedness into situations filled with angst, fear, and unhappiness, if done in good taste and without stepping over the line where mourning, death, loss, and pain are involved, is often appreciated and a valuable commodity..
Now, what are the social skills for which both confidence and a sense of humor are catalysts? The following ideas were listed on WikiHow where a number of authors have weighed in and offered suggestions for “How to make your personality stand out.” The first is, “don't be loud. Other people find noisy people to be obnoxious and annoying. We don't want that, do we?” The second suggestion is, “know when it is right to argue with someone. Learn to accept that others may be right and you may be wrong. Nobody likes to be around someone constantly pointing out that they are right.”
There are four other suggestions for making your personality stand out. Third, “know when to speak up. Defend friends in tough situations.” Fourth, “don't be afraid to talk to others. Always look people in the eye when you're talking with them. It makes you appear more confident. Nobody wants to talk to someone who can't stop staring at their feet. Remember to stand up tall. Never slouch.”
I have skipped their fifth suggestion, “having a sense of humor” since I use that as an element that can positively affect all of these suggestions.
Their fifth suggestion, then, I have re-written so it makes better sense. It is the importance of your personality. Revealing your personality “doesn't mean that you should have [good] looks.” It means letting others know who you really are. The confidence referred to above must show in your eyes, voice, and it must be reflected to others.
Sixth, “don't be afraid to be different. People will admire you for your unique personality.” If you hold ideas or opinions that are different from others, express them with conviction. If you have knowledge and experiences that are unique, work them into conversations and discussions. If you have hobbies, read sources, know people, or do things that vary from the norm, be certain that others become aware of them.
The seventh and final social skill they mention could, too, be listed as an overriding element that affects all the others. It is, “be kind and considerate. People who truly practice these virtues to everyone they meet can be true to themselves and still stand out.”
I would add several more social skills to their list. The first would be to keep an open mind. Do not automatically stonewall or block out people who hold contrary views to your own, rather, look at them as an opportunity to learn new things. Every person who touches you in some way can offer something positive to your knowledge, background, and experiences. They have the potential of expanding your horizons and opening your mind even further. Allow these possibilities; encourage these opportunities; invite these situations.
The second social skill that I would add to theirs is to become a more effective listener. At EssentialLifeSkills.net the essay there, “10 Ways to Improve Your Personality,” lists being a better listener as their first item for improving your personality. You can make a better impression through effective listening to others than by asserting yourself or injecting yourself into conversations. Look others in the eyes, hang on their every word, and make them feel important. “There is nothing more appealing than having someone listen to you intently making you feel like you're the only person in the world.”
At “”10 Ways to Improve Your Personality,” a second item not yet mentioned in this essay, and one I feel is essential, is their seventh item: “Have a positive outlook and attitude.
Who wants to be around people who are negative, complain a lot, or have nothing good to say? In fact, most of us run when we see them coming. Instead, be the kind of upbeat person who lights up a room with your energy when you enter it. Do it by looking for the best in people and things. Smile warmly, spread good cheer, and enliven others with your presence.”
Some of the items discussed in this essay may require giant leaps, and to accomplish and develop these skills requires baby steps. Begin in small ways, and you are likely to make large gains. Be patient with yourself, however, as you grow and change in positive ways. Thoreau had it right. To march to the beat of a different drummer, Thoreau said, “Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away."
- - - - - - -
At Essential Life Skills.Net (referred to in the essay above), the suggestions include a number of additional items in the essay, “10 Ways To Improve Your Personality” to what have been mentioned in my essay.
At the website Knowear the essay, “Building an Attractive Personality” (August 9, 2008), offers a number of additional suggestions and ideas in a rather long, but interesting, essay.
- - - - - - - - -
Copyright November, 2012, by And Then Some LLC
At the website Yahoo!Answers, an unknown respondent wrote the following in response to this prompt: “Henry David Thoreau said.....march to the beat of a different drummer....?” “In the conclusion to 'Walden,' Thoreau writes, "If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away." He meant,” said this respondent, “that one should do things in one's own way regardless of societal norms and expectations.”
There is no doubt that society encourages (forces?) conformity, so the question, “How do you march to the beat of a different drummer?” is a legitimate one. Or, to state it a bit differently, “How can you make yourself stand out?” The essential bottom line has to do with social skills, and there are many things you can do.
There are two underlying characteristics that will lubricate the social skills I will discuss in this essay. The first, is confidence. Confidence, alone, will convince others of your credibility and worth. What you need to do is reveal the characteristics that demonstrate confidence: When you act independently, assume responsibility, take pride in your abilities, deal maturely and intelligently with your emotions, willingly accept new challenges, and handle problems effectively and efficiently, you convey confidence.
The second underlying characteristic that will lubricate your social skills is a sense of humor. How do you develop a sense of humor? First, observe others who are funny, and mimic their behavior. Start laughing when other people laugh. Make this a habit. Natural laughing will follow, and it will become automatic when funny things take place. Also, see the funny side of things even if they are difficult or embarrassing. Injecting lightheartedness into situations filled with angst, fear, and unhappiness, if done in good taste and without stepping over the line where mourning, death, loss, and pain are involved, is often appreciated and a valuable commodity..
Now, what are the social skills for which both confidence and a sense of humor are catalysts? The following ideas were listed on WikiHow where a number of authors have weighed in and offered suggestions for “How to make your personality stand out.” The first is, “don't be loud. Other people find noisy people to be obnoxious and annoying. We don't want that, do we?” The second suggestion is, “know when it is right to argue with someone. Learn to accept that others may be right and you may be wrong. Nobody likes to be around someone constantly pointing out that they are right.”
There are four other suggestions for making your personality stand out. Third, “know when to speak up. Defend friends in tough situations.” Fourth, “don't be afraid to talk to others. Always look people in the eye when you're talking with them. It makes you appear more confident. Nobody wants to talk to someone who can't stop staring at their feet. Remember to stand up tall. Never slouch.”
I have skipped their fifth suggestion, “having a sense of humor” since I use that as an element that can positively affect all of these suggestions.
Their fifth suggestion, then, I have re-written so it makes better sense. It is the importance of your personality. Revealing your personality “doesn't mean that you should have [good] looks.” It means letting others know who you really are. The confidence referred to above must show in your eyes, voice, and it must be reflected to others.
Sixth, “don't be afraid to be different. People will admire you for your unique personality.” If you hold ideas or opinions that are different from others, express them with conviction. If you have knowledge and experiences that are unique, work them into conversations and discussions. If you have hobbies, read sources, know people, or do things that vary from the norm, be certain that others become aware of them.
The seventh and final social skill they mention could, too, be listed as an overriding element that affects all the others. It is, “be kind and considerate. People who truly practice these virtues to everyone they meet can be true to themselves and still stand out.”
I would add several more social skills to their list. The first would be to keep an open mind. Do not automatically stonewall or block out people who hold contrary views to your own, rather, look at them as an opportunity to learn new things. Every person who touches you in some way can offer something positive to your knowledge, background, and experiences. They have the potential of expanding your horizons and opening your mind even further. Allow these possibilities; encourage these opportunities; invite these situations.
The second social skill that I would add to theirs is to become a more effective listener. At EssentialLifeSkills.net the essay there, “10 Ways to Improve Your Personality,” lists being a better listener as their first item for improving your personality. You can make a better impression through effective listening to others than by asserting yourself or injecting yourself into conversations. Look others in the eyes, hang on their every word, and make them feel important. “There is nothing more appealing than having someone listen to you intently making you feel like you're the only person in the world.”
At “”10 Ways to Improve Your Personality,” a second item not yet mentioned in this essay, and one I feel is essential, is their seventh item: “Have a positive outlook and attitude.
Who wants to be around people who are negative, complain a lot, or have nothing good to say? In fact, most of us run when we see them coming. Instead, be the kind of upbeat person who lights up a room with your energy when you enter it. Do it by looking for the best in people and things. Smile warmly, spread good cheer, and enliven others with your presence.”
Some of the items discussed in this essay may require giant leaps, and to accomplish and develop these skills requires baby steps. Begin in small ways, and you are likely to make large gains. Be patient with yourself, however, as you grow and change in positive ways. Thoreau had it right. To march to the beat of a different drummer, Thoreau said, “Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away."
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At Essential Life Skills.Net (referred to in the essay above), the suggestions include a number of additional items in the essay, “10 Ways To Improve Your Personality” to what have been mentioned in my essay.
At the website Knowear the essay, “Building an Attractive Personality” (August 9, 2008), offers a number of additional suggestions and ideas in a rather long, but interesting, essay.
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Copyright November, 2012, by And Then Some LLC
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